Chapter Text
Tim was having one of those days where nothing seemed to be going right. He overslept even with two blaringly loud alarms making their presence known to the world, slipped in the shower and added another bruise to his collection, and knicked himself while shaving. Admittedly, he probably deserved that one because he was trying to brush his teeth too, but he was the king of multitasking, so this just seemed like an epic fail on his part.
Breakfast was a pipedream, but Tim did manage to grab his coffee on the way out the door, so he claimed a minor victory there. Jason would not be pleased when he found out, but he wasn’t there to frown at Tim’s life choices at the moment, so there.
Thank god for small favors that he was at the brownstone rather than his apartment near Sheldon Park, otherwise he’d be even more late for class than he already was. The professor frowned when Tim slunk in fifteen minutes late, but he hardly cared. He was here and it was about time she learned to run her own powerpoint anyway.
Petty? Yes.
He still gave her the clicker. It didn’t work. Of course.
The day kept spiraling from there.
By the time Tim was done with classes, he’d decided the universe was out to get him. There was no way in hell he was going out tonight. Considering his luck, Stray would end up as street pizza in some complete and utterly inane fashion. It would be in front of Robin too, who would probably resurrect him just to make fun of his ignominious end. Nope, he was going home, ordering takeout, and playing video games for the rest of the day.
Plan in place, Tim left campus.
Halfway to the brownstone, he decided he needed more coffee. Why not? Jason was with Dinah halfway around the world right now, so he wasn’t there to monitor his caffeine intake. Tim loved Jason, he really did, but sometimes he wanted to take one of the man’s guns and shoot him with it. Usually when Jason hid the regular coffee and left only the decaf.
Tim had no sooner walked into the coffeeshop than his phone rang. Looking at it, he shook his head and huffed softly. “Your ears must have been burning,” he said as he answered it.
“That so, pussy cat?” Jason replied. “You gettin’ your claws into something you shouldn’t?”
“Maybe,” Tim teased as he approached the counter. “How are things going on your end?” Time to deflect. He was good at it.
“I got a headache the size of midtown and I haven’t had a single ounce of privacy for a fucking week. A guy has needs, you know? Kinda hard to take care of them when Mama Bird is right there next to ya.”
Through the connection, Tim could hear Dinah laughing. “You and me both, sweetie. Two more days and we’re done.”
That meant Jason would be home in three days. A weight lifted that Tim didn’t realize was on his shoulders.
“I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know what those are,” Tim said. Adjusting the phone against his shoulder, he gave his order to the barista. He liked Dinah, he really did, but she loved to overshare on purpose just to get a rise out of him. With Jason around, she’d found a new target, especially once they both learned just how red Jason’s ears got when he blushed.
It was adorable. Tim even had a picture.
“Same,” Jason replied. “Do I want to know why you just ordered a double shot of espresso?”
“I have my own needs.” Tim relayed how his day started out and Jason was soon in stitches, wheezing over the line.
“Christ, pussy cat. That sounds just awful.” He didn’t sound like he meant it. “Lemme tell you about mine.”
Between one and ten on the suck scale, Tim already knew Jason’s day would be a twelve. Still, because he’s a good boyfriend, he listened as he waited for his coffee, making appropriate interjections and comments as needed.
Jason was still talking when the barista handed Tim his hot drink. Nodding in thanks, he left the shop and continued walking home.
“…so that’s how my day’s been,” Jason finally finished.
“Sounds awful,” Tim agreed, sipping from the coffee. It was still too hot to drink fast. “If this was a pissing contest, you definitely won.”
Jason snorted and Tim could just imagine him rolling his eyes. “This was just stating the facts. When we’re havin’ a pissing contest, you’ll know it.”
Tim hummed in agreement, stopping at an intersection to wait for the light to change. “Well, I’m sure it’ll be between you and Dick first. I’ll make sure to bring popcorn.”
“You are such a jackass. Remind me why I’m dating you again?”
“Because you love how I look in shiny black leather.” The retort rolled smoothly off his tongue, which was all well and good because for some inexplicable reason, Tim’s coffee decided to do the same, but from his hand instead. Hot coffee spilled over his fingers, causing him to jerk and splash it all over his shirt. “Fuck!” he shouted and tried hard not to drop his phone. The last thing he needed was to break it and lose the connection. “Hot! Jesus, shit!”
He’d never been much for swearing until he started hanging out with Jason regularly. Bad habits and all that.
“Tim! You okay?” he heard Jason asking, practically shouting over the phone. “Talk to me, pussy cat.”
“Fuck,” Tim swore one last time, shaking his hand and grimacing at the red skin. That was going to hurt any moment now. “Yeah, sorry. Spilled coffee all over myself while I was just fucking standing here doing nothing.” He pouted and glared at the offending paper cup laying on the ground. It was evil. That’s all there was to it. No, the universe was evil. It was definitely out to get him today. “When will my suffering end?”
Jason laughed at him. “Didn’t we establish already that I’m having a worse day than you?”
“No, we established that you’re having a worse week than me, but you didn’t just get attacked for no reason by a cup of coffee.” Tim tugged at his damp shirt and shivered as a cold wind started blowing, turning what was once hot into ice. “That’s it. I’m going home. I’m not even stopping for food now.”
“Aww, poor pussy cat, got his fur all wet,” Jason teased, still laughing.
“Yeah, you enjoy trying to sneak a handjob in later tonight when Dinah’s sleeping. You’re getting dick from me when you get home.” Tim knew even as he said it that it was the wrong thing to say.
“I’m getting dick from you, huh?” his boyfriend replied. “Since when is that any different from what I normally get?”
“Shut up.”