Chapter Text
"He left," the bespectacled woman mumbled, the rim of the glass still against her lips as she avoided his gaze. Her eyes were dark, brimming with unshed tears and cheeks pink from the alcohol that they're both consuming.
Levi put his own beer down and stared at her quizzically, an eyebrow quirked, knowing that he doesn't need to coax her to get the story.
Hange downed the last ounce of her vodka and slammed the glass, "He said he wants to fulfill his dreams first, to prove something to his family and himself. He went to Europe to take up an apprenticeship offer."
"And what exactly is he trying to prove?" Levi asked, swirling the remaining alcohol in the bottle.
She scoffed, a mirthless sound accompanied by the pouring of the alcoholic drink, "He wants to prove that he's going to be the best chemist out there."
The man took a drink from his bottle before responding bluntly, "Then, he's a prick. And an asshole. And the biggest idiot in the world."
Her head snapped towards his sharply, finally meeting his eyes, and he met her glare head-on, as if challenging her to contradict his words. He's always been straight-forward with his words and she's fully aware of that.
Her lips stretched in to a smile and she suddenly began to giggle, which evolved to a full-blown laughter with her characteristic snorts.
"Yeah," she managed to speak between her laugh, "He's definitely a prick."
Levi shrugged off the fluttering in his chest at the sound of her laughter, at the evident lightening of her eyes, at her upturned lips.
"What the fuck are you doing, shitty glasses?" He asked in irritation.
"I'm reading, obviously," she answered, oblivious of the man's growing annoyance.
"I can see that; my eyesight is significantly better than yours," he retorted.
"Eh? Then why are you asking what I'm doing?"
A vein twitched on his forehead, "You're. Reading. On. My. Lap."
Hange moved the book away from her face and looked up at him, a mischievous glint in her eyes, "Is it bothering you?"
Levi scowled down at her and resisted the urge to rip the book from her hand, "I'm going to stand up and let you fall to the floor. Mark my words, shitty glasses."
She grinned, all teeth and full of joy, eyes bright behind those hideous glasses, "I don't think you would," she replied with certainty.
He wouldn't, and they both know that.
Still, he continued to scowl and he took the book away from her, ignoring her indignant 'Hey!'
He threw the book to the other side of the couch, "You need to sleep, four-eyes."
She pouted, "I'm not sleepy yet!"
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes. You. Are."
"No. I'm. Not."
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I am!" she huffed out before realization dawned on her face, "Wha- you midget!"
She tried to push her hand to his face, but he easily caught her wrist. She frowned up at him and he glared back. His eyes took in the dark circles under her eyes, eyelids halfway closed, her face pale with exhaustion.
"You've been awake for more than 24 hours now," he stated, fingers tightening slightly around her wrist, "You look like shit. You need to sleep."
"I don't want to," she continued to whine, bottom lip sticking out childishly.
Adorably.
His scowl deepened, trying to fight off the warmth the started to creep up towards his neck, and snatched the glasses off her face, "Sleep, Hange," he ordered.
Hange huffed, "Fine, mother!"
She turned to her side, her cheek against his thigh and one hand laid flat against the cushion. After a few minutes, her breathing had evened out, light snores escaping her slightly parted lips. Levi stared, a warm feeling spreading from his chest to his fingers, down to his toes as he studied her profile. Her hooked nose, her pink lips, her arched brows…
He ignored it, because it's fucked up, because she's his best friend.
He laid a hand on her head, fingers running through her messy brown hair. Giving in to the temptation, he leaned down and pressed a feather light kiss on her brow.
One side of Levi's closet was filled with Hange's clothes. And Levi owns a drawer of his stuff at Hange's apartment.
She's not concerned about it, saying that they're friends and it's perfectly normal to have their things at one another's place since they're so used at having sleepovers, anyway.
But Levi is bothered because they're not kids anymore; it should not be a normal thing for them to have keys of each other's apartments', to sleep at each other's place, on one bed, with Hange cuddling up to him in the middle of the night, with his arms wrapped around her frame.
It scares him, this feeling that grows inside of him, because Hange is his childhood friend, best friend and a friend's ex-girlfriend. Whatever this is, it could potentially ruin what they have.
But as she snuggled closer to him, her warmth surrounding him, with his arms around her shoulders, those concerns seemed far away.
Without withdrawing his lips, Levi's hands drifted down, hurried fingers removing her shirt's buttons, some even popped off due to his impatient movements. Hange sighed against his lips, shrugging off her shirt and wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her chest against his.
Levi can't even remember how they ended up in this situation. He arrived at his apartment and found Hange, already lounging on his couch and a bottle of unopened wine on his coffee table.
The next thing he knew is that the wine was still uncorked, he's sitting on the couch with his best friend on his lap, with her knees on either side of his thighs and they're kissing. It's all lips and tongue and it's utterly messy but Levi couldn't care less because her hands were on his shoulders, his nape, his hair and he definitely wanted more.
A voice from the back of his mind was telling him, reprimanding him, of the possible consequences that will come from his actions, if he let his hands wander any further from where they perched on her hips. But the voice grew smaller and smaller until it was almost non-existent when her hands – those abnormally warm hands – drifted down and began to pull his shirt from where it was tucked in.
They fucked.
Afterwards, with Hange asleep on his bed and her body turned away from him, the guilt and doubts began to creep back in his mind. He slept with his best friend, who also happened to be an ex-girlfriend of his friend.
And the biggest question is, what exactly are they? Can he still call this… relationship as 'friendship'?
He finally asked her the question after the third time that they had sex in her apartment.
"What the fuck are we, Hange?" he whispered against her shoulder blade. He had his chest pressed against her back, arms around her waist, skin bare and fitted intimately together. With the way they're pressed, Levi could feel the tensing of her form, hear the hitch on her breath at the unexpected question and he already got the answer.
"We're friends, Levi," she whispered back.
Levi pointedly ignored the sudden pain that erupted inside his chest, the feeling of something being broken inside of him. He ignored the tightening of his chest, the painful beating of his heart, and merely nodded his head, his nose against the nape of her neck, closing his eyes tightly to stop the tears that had begun to well in his eyes.
They've been doing this for more than a year when Levi received a proposition from her.
"Hey, Levi," she suddenly exclaimed, her chin propped on his naked chest.
He opened his eyes with a sigh, "What is it, four-eyes?"
She pushed herself up, her elbows digging on the mattress and her grin was excited, exuberant, infectious and Levi had to clench his jaw to keep himself from grinning back.
"I have an offer that you definitely cannot decline to," she declared, lips still stretched in a grin.
He scoffed and covered his eyes with his forearm, so he doesn't have to look into those bright, brown eyes, eyes that seemed to draw him in every time he stared at them for too long.
"I don't have a fucking choice, do I?" he asked rhetorically.
"Nope!" she answered and put a hand on the middle of his chest, "Hey, Levi! Listen to me!"
"I'm listening," he groaned. Apparently still unsatisfied, she took hold of his wrist and removed his arm from his face. He turned his head and glared up at her.
Her grin only widened, "I have an offer that you just couldn't resist."
His glare intensified, "What exactly is that, shitty glasses?"
"Hey! I'm not wearing my lenses right now!" she protested.
"All the same. Still shitty glasses."
"Hey!" she whined and smacked his chest lightly, "I'm gonna tell you something!"
"Four-eyes, get on with it."
The grin returned to her lips and she cleared her throat, "Okay, okay. I was reading this really cool book, and it was about these two rival lawyers and they had to solve this really tough case because they figured out that they're – "
"Four-eyes," he interjected exasperatedly, "Get to the point. What is it?"
"Yeah… well…" she suddenly looked abashed, her cheeks light pink and her eyes looking to the side, "They made some sort of a… pact."
His eyebrow quirked, intrigued, "A pact?"
She met his curious gaze, cheeks still dusted pink, "A marriage pact."
He blinked, "A what now?"
Her smile turned teasing, "I thought you have perfectly good hearing? Do you need to get your ears checked, short-stack?"
He scowled and flicked her forehead with his forefinger, "I heard you, four-eyes. I'm asking you to elaborate."
She giggled and shifted, her finger drawing invisible circles on his bicep, "Yeah, a marriage pact. Here, listen to this: if, by the time we're both 35 and still single, we have to get married."
He paused, "… Is that a proposal?"
"I suppose, yeah."
"That's less than two years from now."
"I know."
"You got that idea from the book?"
"Uh-huh."
"… you're reading too much, shitty glasses," he replied, a futile attempt to avoid the subject at hand. The thought of being married to Hange made butterflies flutter around his stomach, made his heart pound with excitement and anticipation, and he's almost afraid that she can hear the erratic beating in his chest.
"Hey!" she pouted and lightly pinched his arm, "I'm serious, Levi! What do you say?"
He scoffed and grasped the back of her head, fingers tangling on the messy brown mess atop her head as he kissed her, trying to convey his answer through their kiss.
"We'll see in two years, Hange," he instead mumbled against her lips.
Their friends notice and tease them about it. How they were always together, how much time they spend at each other's place, how they seemed to get touchy with each other when they get drunk.
Hange merely laughed and said that it's normal, that it's a thing that best friends normally do.
Levi scowled every time but he was bothered by it, in truth. Because you don't just kiss your best friend on the forehead or the cheeks or the lips or sleep with them regularly. One shouldn't get flustered when said best friend gives you a tight hug. One shouldn't have their heart beating erratically when your best friend gives you a smile. One shouldn't stare at their best friend's sleeping face – like a fucking creep – just to admire their imperfectly perfect profile.
Levi is bothered, and he aches, because he never counted on the fact that he'll be falling in love with his best friend, that's a friend's ex, that sees everything that they do as part of a norm, when even the minute things that he does for her practically screams as abnormal.
"He's back," she commented when they finished eating their dinner at his apartment.
Levi knew. He knew for a while now because he was invited by his friend to go for a drink a week ago and he declined, because he promised Hange that they will go to see that movie that she'd been wanting to see.
If he's being completely honest, he doesn't think he can face Erwin right now, because it brings forth an onslaught of guilt and rage. Guilt at falling in love with his ex; rage at the fact that he had the gall to return to his life, to her life.
Because Erwin's return couldn't be more ill-timed, especially when it's only six months until his 35th birthday.
"He asked me out for dinner tomorrow," she continued, barely contained excitement in her voice, "To… you know, catch up."
Levi only nodded and cleaned up the plates, ignoring, once again, the heavy stone of dread that settled on his stomach.
She didn't come to his apartment that night. He didn't try to go to her apartment, either.
Levi laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and spent the night trying hard to imagine Hange's warmth beside him. He didn't succeed.
When Hange came the next night, she was practically glowing, shaking with excitement, and all she can talk about is Erwin, Erwin, Erwin.
"Oh, and Erwin got hired in our company," she exclaimed after drinking the last of her wine.
Levi gulped his own tea – once, twice – because his mouth was suddenly dry, his chest was tightening as his heart clenched painfully.
"I see," was his only answer when he found his voice. He tried to tune out her babblings but that fucking name always seemed to pop up every time she opened her mouth. Erwin, Erwin, Erwin.
She didn't stay the night, claiming that she had work to do in her apartment and Levi lets her, doing his best not to beg her to stay.
Hange's visits had been getting scarce and long in-between and, when she does, she's most likely on her phone, smiling and giggling quietly at something on the screen. She no longer stays the night.
He figured out that he had to get used on sleeping alone, without Hange's body and warmth beside him.
The last time that she visited, he'd been in a long, tiring day at work, his insomnia had been running rampant and all he can hear from her is Erwin, Erwin, Erwin.
"Did you forget what he did to you?" he finally snapped at her, eyes dark and narrowed as he glared at her.
She blinked and fell silent for a few moments, her head bowed and avoiding his glare.
"He left you, Hange," he continued, his exhausted mind and broken heart driving him to say the words that had been burning inside his throat, "He left you, remember? He left you to chase that stupid dream and left you alone, crying, because – "
"He wouldn't do it again," she interrupts quietly.
"What?" he asked in surprised confusion.
When she raised her head, Levi was astounded to see that she was glaring back at him, anger dancing in her eyes, "He wouldn't do it again, Levi. I know it because he promised me."
He was silent for a few seconds until realization dawned on his face, his eyes widening and his jaw slackening, "Don't tell me…"
"That I got back with Erwin?" she finished, a hint of challenge in her voice as she stood up, fists clenched on her side, "Yes, I did, Levi. What are you going to do about it?"
He snapped out of his shock, "What the fuck were you thinking, four-eyes?!" he almost yelled.
"You don't understand, Levi!" she yelled back, tears welling in her eyes as she continued to glare, "I've been waiting for this for three fucking years! I've been waiting for him!"
Levi closed his mouth with a snap, his jaw clenching, feeling his heart break a million times over at the words that she just uttered.
"So, what was I to you these past three years?" he almost whispered, his strength leaving him as he waited for her answer.
"You're my best friend – "
He didn't let her finish. He turned his back to her and entered his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
She didn't ask him to come out, to talk it out as she normally would in this situation. When Levi exited his room some four hours later, she was already gone.
His chest felt hollow, as if she'd taken his heart with her when she left.
He fell into a monotonous routine. He got up after having two hours of sleep, he worked, he got back to an empty apartment. He didn't call her; she didn't try to contact him.
Weekends were the worst. Every nook and canny of his apartment reminded him of Hange and staying inside almost seemed suffocating. His kitchen made him recall of that time when she failed to make pasta. He remembered that time when they stayed up all-night, binge-watching Friends in his living room. When he opened his closet, he sees her stuff, still on one side. He remembered the times that they spent on his bed, talking, laughing, cuddling.
He can't stay in this place any longer. He got out and bought a bunch of boxes. He contacted the owner of the first apartment listing that he saw, packed his shit up and moved out after two days. He took her stuff with him; he can't bear to part with these just yet. If he can have just a little reminder of her with him, maybe it will be better. Maybe he can sleep better while he hugged one of her shirts as he imagined her warmth. Maybe he can lose himself while reading her messy and disorganized notes.
Maybe if he kept these things, it'll eventually drown out the feeling of misery that continued to rise up day after day.
It was rare for him to scroll through social media but, as he sat on his couch, with the unopened boxes of his things still around him, he grabbed his phone and opened an app. And the first thing that he saw is a picture of Hange and Erwin, facing each other with their hands entwined. The photo must be a candid one, since she looked like she's laughing and Erwin was looking at her with an amused smile.
It made him happy, seeing her smile again, but the caption of the photo broke his heart all over again.
'Three years and I still love you.'
Levi put the phone down harshly, the device landing with a thud on the coffee table and he ran a frustrated hand down his face. He took a sip of his drink, the brown, bitter liquid burning his tongue, warming his throat and finally settling in his stomach, further stoking the fire of jealousy, envy and misery that's residing inside of him.
Tears welled in his eyes, tears that he will never, will not allow himself to shed. He'd been with her for more than a decade. He's with her during those three years that she's talking about.
In those three years, where exactly was he?
"Hang on to the reverie, could you do that for me? Cause I'm just too sad to."