Chapter Text
Five minutes fly by before Abby is reminded of what dirt and blood taste like. They await the arrival of Maria and expect it to be her when the gates swing open.
Out steps Tommy instead. His gaze sweeps over Abby’s group before finally landing on her.
Abby stares back, stilled.
Disfigured face. Missing eye.
Tommy’s disbelief morphs into recognition and then into rage and he storms towards her.
Abby is paralyzed. He’s moving too fast and her reaction is too slow: he swings at her and she goes down, hard .
Someone shouts and Abby doesn’t process it. The only voice that rings clear is Tommy’s:
“What in the goddamned hell is this bitch doing here?”
She feels a body shield hers. Lev. He helps her up and looks at her and says words that don’t make sense.
Who she hears next is Ellie. She’s angry and shouting: Don’t you fucking dare touch her again!
He’s flabbergasted. Gaping at her like he’s seen a ghost. Maybe that’s what Ellie is to him now, to everyone. A ghost. Apparition. The dead returning to the living once again.
Ellie? What are you doing, girl? Why is she here?
None of your fucking business Ellie snarls. Not true. They’re not supposed to be fighting. This isn’t how things are supposed to go.
Abby gets up. She almost forgets Lev is there with her. As soon as she’s on her feet, Tommy’s attention snaps back to her. He stalks forward.
Ellie gets in his way, shoves him back. You lay another hand on her and you’re dead.
What? Are you defending her? He breaks past her but Ellie rushes to match his pace, keeping him at bay.
She’s angry but he’s furious . Get the fuck outta my way! He shoves her hard enough that Ellie falls back on her rear and advances with a drawn revolver. Lev steps in between Tommy and Abby, brandishing his dagger.
Five sets of guns train on him instantly. Someone yells at him to drop his weapon. This is your final warning!
Lev keeps his blade leveled.
You’re that kid Tommy says, recognition dawning on his face. Abby’s primal instincts kick in and she pulls Lev behind her.
“We just want–we just want to talk,” she says, stumbling over her words, raising a useless hand to shield them. But Tommy isn’t here to negotiate, or listen, and before anything else happens, another voice booms,
“STOP! That’s enough. No one is lifting a damn gun at anyone!”
Maria looks exactly like the kind of person who’d be running this city. Two men flank her as she approaches them, black and thunderous as a storm.
“Get them inside. Now .”
Her orders are carried out swiftly and without question.
“I don’t CARE who they are, Tommy,” she snarls at him when he starts to protest. She does, later on, but right now they’re being led through the massive wooden gates.
;
Something about the raw, unbridled anger of men makes Lev nervous. It rises off Tommy like plumes of grey and red smoke. He’s openly hostile, but stays put at Maria’s command. Dog on a leash. Angry dog , Lev thinks. And Lev hates angry dogs.
As soon as they’re within the walls of Maria’s house, Maria proceeds to have Lev and Abby searched and stripped of weapons. They readily comply, handing their backpacks over to Tommy for inspection. He takes their belongings, dumps all the contents of their packs on the table. He rifles through their possessions, scattering neatly-folded papers, books, scrap metal and other crafting paraphernalia.
“Tommy,” Maria sighs, annoyed by his excessive display of authority.
Tommy ignores her. A stack of their items fall off the table and Ellie bristles. Among them she catches the unmistakable prints of Savage Starlight . She glances at Abby.
Abby’s face is resigned and unsmiling. A bruise blooms where her cheek swells. Lev notices Ellie looking and at her expression, links an arm around hers. She doesn’t resist. Her insides are boiling and freezing over.
Tommy turns to them. “Gotta check ‘em , too,” he sneers. “Make sure they ain’t got nothin’ dangerous on ‘em.”
The fire in Ellie wins over. “You’re not touching them,” she growls.
"What?" Tommy says, like he hadn't heard her the first time.
Lev gives Ellie a cautioning tug, anxious and entreating.
“You’re not touching them. You’ve looked through their stuff. That’s all you're gonna do,” Ellie continues, her jaw set. Maria is practically a blur in the background when she tries to reason with her.
“It’s protocol, Ellie–”
Who’s side is she on? Who’s side is Ellie supposed to be on?
“FUCK protocol—“
Tommy fumes, “ Why are you defending her?”
“Ellie, please–” Abby tries to intervene but she’s cut short, too.
“ No , Abby. Don’t—You’re not doing this—“
Abby’s tone sharpens. “Stop. We talked about this—you’re going to the other room. Lev, go with her—“
Tommy steps up. “Who the fuck do you think you are callin’ the shots here?”
“Fucking BACK off,” Ellie snaps at him when he crosses over to them.
“Tommy, drop it. We don’t have to—,” Maria says but she’s wholly ignored.
“You really gonna do this? You gonna listen to her?” Tommy challenges Ellie despite Maria physically stepping in his way. “You gonna listen to this murderer? You really gonna let her go after what she did to my own brother? You saw her it yourself. You were there. You saw how how she killed Joel. You saw it—"
“Tommy, stop—“
“Lev, take her to the other room,” Abby barks.
“You’re ain’t takin’ her anywhere. No one is goin’ anywhere—“
“We’ll do as you say, alright? I'll tell you everything. Just please take them to the other room–”
(“Ellie, let’s go,” Lev implores, tugging at Ellie’s arm. “C’mon, Ellie–”)
“Bitch, don’t tell me what to do! Ellie, you ain’t leavin’ this room. You’re gonna explain everything. You’re gonna tell me why we're keepin' 'em alive.”
“Just listen ,” Abby pleads. Ellie’s breathing coarsens; she grabs hold of Abby’s arm, tightening her grip, whether to anchor herself, or as a warning gesture, Abby doesn’t know. “Ellie, you’re good. I got this, okay?”
“Down the hall,” Maria instructs the pair, barely able to contain Tommy herself. “Go now. Go!”
“Didn’t think you’d do this to him, kid,” Tommy calls after them. “Didn’t think you’d forget what she done to Jesse—“ (“Chrissakes, enough Tommy!” Maria snaps at him.)
(“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Lev assures her. But Tommy’s words rattle her head, lifting her up and over.)
“After everything’s Joel’s done for you. After everything I’ve done for you. Should’ve known better than to trust you, kid. You fucking coward, you betrayed him–”
Trembling all over, Ellie inhales.
She exhales, whirls around, and lets herself go.
;
It plays out like this:
Ellie lurches forward and throws the first punch and Tommy retaliates. Abby launches straight into the crossfire without hesitation, dragging Ellie back as she pummels Tommy left and right. Ellie shrieks, claws at the air and digs her nails into flesh, uncaring of who’s at the receiving end of it.
Abby is almost successful at holding her back except then she feels a painful yank on her braid, and suddenly she’s down and Tommy is on top of her. Ellie is gone in a split second, and Abby forgets to defend herself as she yells at Lev to go after her.
The guard posted outside bursts through the door and immediately tackles Lev to the ground. Ellie slips past them. Abby tips Tommy over with her hips, reverses their position as he’s thrown off-balance and gets a swing to his face before swiping his revolver from its unclipped holster and getting to her feet.
She points the weapon at Tommy. Without taking her eyes off him, she says tightly, to the guard, “Let Lev go.”
“Or what?” Tommy challenges. “You takin’ my other eye out?”
The sound of another gun cocking draws their attention.
“Enough.” Maria's aim is fixed precisely at Abby. It’s an effortless shot from where she stands. Tommy remains frozen on the floor, clasping his jaw and glaring at Abby.
Abby keeps her weapon pointed at him anyway. “We have to go after her,” she says, tone unwavering despite her internal surge of panic. “She’s not safe.”
“Drop your weapon,” Maria orders.
“No.”
“ Drop your weapon, Abby!”
Lev’s gaze bounces back from Maria to Abby. “Abby,” he pleads with her.
“Ellie wrote you letters,” Abby says steadily. Her hands are trembling but she keeps her grip tight. “She was going to kill herself back in Salt Lake—but we stopped her before she could. Look, I kept them in my journal. I can show you, but someone has to go after her right now. Do you understand?”
Tommy scoffs. "Makin' up stories ain't gonna save your ass."
Maria says, critically, “After all this, you think we’d trust you?”
Arms raise in careful surrender. Abby tosses the revolver to the side and gets on her knees as they watch in silent bafflement. “Keep me here if you have to,” she says, placing her hands on her head as a final act of submission. “But take Lev and find her–Ellie always listens to him.”
Abby wants to scream, wants to abandon the scene and go after Ellie herself, but she quells the urge. Win them over—she has to win them over or else this won’t work.
“Please…”
Tommy retrieves his stolen weapon, sneering as he trains it on Abby. “D’ye believe this bullshit?”
Maybe a minute has passed, or maybe two, but to Abby it feels like forever and Ellie could be long dead.
“Please.” Reasoning with him hurts . The frustration of it all makes Abby want to cry, makes her want to knock him out cold. Her eyes glisten as she says, more urgently, “You have to find her. Find her now .”
Tommy shakes his head, scowling. "You can't be believin' any of this bullshit," he tells Maria.
Maria regards Abby severely, as if gauging the truthfulness of her words.
She lowers her gun.
”Release him,” she orders the guard, much to Tommy’s disbelief. “And back to your post. Not a word of this leaves this room or you’re answering to me. And you two,” she adds, to Abby and Lev. “You’re coming with me. Tommy, you’re staying. God knows you’ve done enough damage tonight.”
“You’re making a mistake here,” Tommy seethes.
Maria dismisses him with, “If someone comes looking for me, tell them I’ve got more pressing matters to attend to.”
;
Each minute that ticks by only serves to heighten Abby’s anxiety. Lev assures her that they’ll find Ellie eventually. She’ll be alright— this isn’t the first time it’s happened. But then again, Ellie is always capable of worse.
They’re both oblivious to Maria’s sidelong glances. She reminds them, somberly, “Tommy won’t be the only one going after you. Half the town knows what you’ve done and I can’t guarantee your safety.”
Abby replies, “I know.”
“And yet you’re both here.”
“Yes.”
Maria says nothing substantial for a while. She walks briskly, leading them through quiet lanes and side streets. Heads occasionally turn in their direction but they’re mostly left alone.
Lev squeezes Abby’s hand in his. She’s distracted and inconsolable, on the brink of giving out completely.
He watches for her reaction when they step into the detached garage that used to be Ellie’s home; she doesn’t linger like Lev expects her to. Not like he does, studying the remnants of Ellie’s past life, imagining what had used to occupy the shelves, the cabinets, the coffee table.
Abby’s reaction is more visceral as soon as she crosses the doorway to Joel’s house. She’s whirling around and clinging to the banisters as she dry-heaves in the frigid air.
Can’t—I can’t, Lev.
“Take it easy now,” Maria has to tell Abby, because she’s turning back and making a second attempt to enter the dwelling again despite looking pale and shaken. Maria advises her to stay put, and Abby reluctantly resigns herself to the back porch steps. Her head in her hands, she apologizes and complains about the continuing vertigo.
“We’ll be back,” Lev assures her, kissing the crown of her head.
He follows Maria indoors, noticing for the first time, her discreet but watchful gaze. He says nothing of it as they do a thorough sweep of the house, exchanging bits and pieces of information that Lev tucks away for later discussion.
Maybe the shock of being within Jackson’s walls hasn’t hit him yet—maybe it never will. They flash their lights in the open darkness and Lev feels his hairs stand on end.
Headstones peek back at them silently.
“Losing family–it changes people,” Maria says quietly and Lev’s mental vault swings ajar: his mother’s corpse and bright-hot flames, rapid fire and Yara’s lifeless body. Maria pauses like she’s about to add something as an afterthought, but decides against it.
They head back to Joel’s house, turning the corner to the backyard porch.
Abby’s defeated form is exactly where they’ve left her. Hunched over, hands over her nape this time. Lev touches her shoulder.
“No luck, huh?,” she states quietly, like she already knows.
“Best we get going,” Maria says. “There’s not a lot of places left to look.”
;
The tracks look old, snow melted into the pathway where dirt and stones peek through. But Lev has a good eye for these things and he knows, with certainty, that Ellie’s been here.
Ellie’s second home is substantially bigger than the last one, but emptier when they step inside. A one-bedroom with enough space for two yet barely furnished.
“Ellie?”
Light switches are flipped on. There’s a kitchen, bathroom and laundry room that Maria and Abby go investigate. Some windows are haphazardly boarded shut from the inside, bent nail heads testament to sloppy craftsmanship.
Lev checks the bedroom, finds nothing but wire hangers and a sad box of unwanted clothes in the walk-in closet. Light falls in dusty shafts through translucent moth-eaten curtains. The windowpane is nailed shut, two rotting wood planks crisscrossed over each other to block most of the backyard light. He flips the light switch on.
“She’s not here,” Abby says from the other room.
Maria lists more places, telling them that they keep looking. If it comes to it, then she would have no choice but to rope more people into the search.
“Let’s go, Lev,” Abby calls from the front door.
“Coming,” Lev says and stops when he hears a faint noise.
“Ellie?”
The room is awfully still. It’s quiet for a full minute before he hears it again:
He follows the source of the sound, bending a knee to peer underneath the bed. Behind the layers of beddings and comforters, he finally finds Ellie.
She’s laying flat on her back, a forearm pressed close to shield her face.
“Hey,” Lev says gently.
Ellie’s response is a muffled sob, louder this time, like she’d been fighting hard to suppress it but can’t anymore.
“Do you wanna come out here?” Lev asks.
She hiccups. She shakes her head no.
“You’re not hurt, are you?”
Another no.
Before he can say anything else, Abby steps into the room. “Lev?”
“No,” Ellie chokes out and then she has both hands on her face to stifle the sound of her crying. “No. Don’t want her here.”
“Is she…?” Abby asks and Lev motions at her to stop. Despite her bewilderment, she does. He dips his head to acknowledge her silent plea for answers— She’s alive. She’s okay. And Abby listens without further explanation, even shutting the door behind her as she leaves.
Lev and Ellie are alone again. He grabs a shirt from the closet and goes back to lift the covers.
“Is it cool if I hang out with you?”
Ellie doesn’t respond. His question hangs in the air as her soft weeping fills the space instead. He settles on the floor nonetheless, laying flat on his stomach and inching closer to her so he’s underneath the bed from the shoulders up.
“Here you go.” It’s the second best thing to a Kleenex. She doesn’t take it.
He’s with her from then on, listening to the activity from the other room in the following hours: the front door opening and closing, the arrival of a third person, the sound of pacing and talking too muted to decipher. There’s an angry thump at one point, hushed commands for silence. Tones of accusation and indignation. A heated exchange that eventually dies down. Afterwards, it’s quiet again.
;
It’s long past midnight when Lev finally joins the adults gathered in the living room. Abby and Maria sit on opposite sides of the couch, Maria holding a notebook detailing the safety plan, while Abby has an icepack pressed to her injured face. Ellie’s letters lie splayed on the coffee table.
Lev’s presence brings their grim conversation to a halt.
Abby sets her ice pack down. “How is she?”
“She’s alright. I got her to sleep on the bed.” He perches on the shoulder of the couch next to her, studying her sunken features. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” Abby insists. “We’re watching her in shifts tonight. I’ll take first watch.”
Tommy mutters something under his breath. He’s nursing a drink in his hand, staring out into the half-lit street.
“No, Abby,” Lev tells her firmly. “You need sleep. I can do it for us both—“
“None of you are staying up late,” Maria interjects. “You both look like shit. Tommy and I can take it from here.”
For once, no one contests her. Not Tommy, who downs his drink and goes to fetch sleeping bags for the pair without being asked. Not Abby, whose exhaustion has finally caught up with her and deflates in her seat or Lev, who’s nothing short of relieved.
;
Abby never slacks on the job, never allows herself to cut loose unless it’s absolutely safe to do so. Owen would call her a hardass, Isaac would call her his best, most loyal soldier. Her instincts tell her to stand watch by Ellie’s door, not lie on the couch beneath two layers of blankets, forcing her eyes shut and trying to keep still.
Within the first hour here she'd been assaulted twice, suffered a breakdown and had Ellie run away from her. She’d had a little more sense of control outside of Jackson, but here is different. Here, she feels even more helpless.
Intruder. Murderer. Abby can just about imagine all the hateful words Tommy is spewing behind her back. And Ellie had refused to see her tonight. What happens when morning comes? When the daytime sheds light on all of Abby’s past sins and mistakes and Ellie turns her away, decides this is the end of it? Tommy will spit in Abby’s face and his hate and bitterness will be justified.
She gets up, blankets and all, and sits by the bedroom door left slightly ajar. There’s a muted conversation between Maria and Tommy going on in the far corner of the house. She’s too exhausted to care.
It’s fucked up for Abby to silently thank past Ellie for boarding her windows shut when she’d last resided here. One less escape route for Ellie to take now. One less thing for Abby to worry about.
She will stand guard (or sit? She’s resting tiredly against the wall, shivering from exhaustion and the cold and anxiety) no matter what anyone says. If Ellie comes running out, she will trip her over and wrestle her back in bed until Ellie remembers what it’s like to hate her again.
The half-moons marking her exposed hands and wrists sting. She rubs them absentmindedly.
Abby is an enemy in everyone’s eyes no matter what she does.
Abby is…
She’s–
Grey and white and she dreams of the answer.
In the morning, she forgets what it is.