Chapter Text
doublextwoMaple [DM] began whispering to logicalHexation [LH].
DM: Ana
DM: Where is Lucy
LH: She went out to work.
LH: You do know that it's Friday, right?
DM: Um
DM: I think you know the answer to that
LH: Of course. Why are you looking for her, though?
DM: I need help for something
LH: And what might that be?
DM: Cooking
LH: Oh.
LH: I'm going to pretend that that doesn't sting.
DM: Sorry
LH: It's fine. Why didn't you ask Francine?
DM: Shes with Arthur at the moment and I dont feel like walking in on them right now
LH: Oh.
LH: I'll try to get them to stop, then.
DM: Thanks Ana
DM: Youre going to get pancakes for that
LH: Oh, it's nothing. Thank you for the offer.
LH: I'll be off now. Bye.
logicalHexation [LH] ceased whispering to doublextwoMaple.
Lucy F. Jones smoothed down her skirt and promptly propped her elbows up on the counter. So far, nobody had come in, and so far, it looked like nobody was going to. Scowling, she blew a bubble with the gum in her mouth. You'd think that she would enjoy having nothing to do all day, but she hated being bored. Doing work was way better than having to sit and do nothing.
As if the gods had answered her calls, the door opened, causing the bells above it to chime. Quickly, she popped the bubble and stood up straight. Hey, she might as well treat the customer all nice. After all, she rarely got them. And anybody who came to a 90's themed diner would be an old geezer, probably, or a mom with kids.
Sadly, she was incorrect.
The customer turned out to be a guy just her age. His hair was platinum-colored, and he was wearing a pair of shades that she would associate with the word 'coolkid'. And to be frank, he was kinda hot. Kinda. He was wearing a shirt with red long sleeves and a broken record disk on it. A bit too cliche for her tastes, but still, hot. He slipped into one of the booths, which reminded her that, yes, she was a waitress, and she had to wait on this strangely hot guy. She watched a bit as he flicked over the menu, set it down, and just waited.
Okay, Lucy, play it cool, play it like you do not like him at all, she chanted in her head. She sighed, just to make it seem like so, and skated over. Yeah, skated. The diner had wanted the waitresses to wear rollerblades, which she didn't mind. She loved them, to be honest. She made it to his table, and pulled out a pen and a notepad from her pocket. "So, what do ya want?" She kept her eyes trained on the paper, trying very hard not to look at his very attractive face.
"Scrambled eggs, and apple juice," he said, and seemed kind of surprised when she didn't balk or anything. Uh, so, yeah, apple juice was what he wanted. She didn't give a frick about that. Nodding, she wrote it down, but his voice made her pause. "And one of the desserts."
"Dude, I'm not sure if you know," Lucy said carefully, "but we don't have any desserts." She turned away the nagging thought that he just smirked because he certainly did not.
"Sorry, thought you were on sale," he shrugged. Oh, yeah, he was smirking, the cocky bastard. "My mistake." Although it was kind of a smooth move, she didn't think he'd be the kind of guy to just hit on her directly. Jesus. She finished writing his order, like nothing had happened, like she wasn't flushed red. She then informed him that he could get his drink from the machine nearby, and rolled away as fiercely as she could.
After she gave the nearly-asleep cook the order, she tucked herself in the corner of the kitchen. God, she was still blushing. How the fuck did he know she liked pickup lines? Slightly freaked, she dug her phone out and opened up Pesterchum.
starsofStripes [SS] began screeching at logicalHexation [LH].
LH: Hi, you've reached Anastasia Kirkland. Unfortunately for you, she is idle, and has left her laptop open. But not to fret! You may just leave a message.
SS: wtf ana its 9:30 am and u cant respond to me this is bullcrap
starsofStripes [SS] ceased screeching at logicalHexation [LH].
Fuck Ana. Maybe she could try Matthew, Francine, and if she was sinking to the low, Arthur. But sadly, they were all off. Someone was on though. Lucy groaned. She was really sinking down to the fucking core if she would be talking to her brother. But hell, she was desperate.
starsofStripes [SS] began screeching at stripesofStars [SS].
SS: ALFRED I NEED GODDANG RELATIONSHIP ADVICE AND ANA IS ON AND NOBODY IS ON I NEED HELP GOD
SS: calm your tits sis lol
SS: what is it that u decided to seek the advice of THE relationship god
SS: ugh you are such a dickbagg
SS: anyway some admittedly hot douche just dropped pickup line on me
SS: oooh pickupline guy has ballz
SS: so watcha watcha want
SS: i need you to like find his pesterchum??
SS: what why
SS: JUST DO IT U DOUCHE OMG
SS: lolol fine u could have just told me u were on ur period
SS: i will gut you alive
SS: i love u too baby sis
SS: for the last time im fucking older
SS: whatever u say
SS: so his pesterchum id is turntechGodhead
SS: ty bruh baii
starsofStripes [SS] ceased screeching at stripesofStars [SS].
Alfred was a bitch, but his hacker skills came in handy sometimes. Lucy memorized the chumhandle and placed her phone back in her pocket. She passed through the door, and returned to the counter. The guy was still sitting there, but now he was listening to music with his headphones. With a little grin, she realized that she also liked headphones. The cook's fat, heavy grunt shook her out of her infatuated daze. Smile now faded, she took the plate and the juice and waltzed off to the table.
"Thanks for orderin', sweetie," she said, in the best waitress voice she could manage, and placed his order on the table. "Just hold your hand up when you're done."
"Sure thing, sweetheart," he replied, and began to dig in. She rolled her eyes at the ferocity of which he ate (even though she ate just like him) and returned to the counter. She had other things to do now.
One moment, he was listening to his sick jams. Suddenly, a beeping noise ensued, and it interrupted his beats for a moment. Frowning, he checked the notification from his phone. Pesterchum. Someone had just added him. What the hell? He never gave his chumhandle out. Slightly curious, he accepted the request from "starsofStripes". Obviously, this guy was insanely patriotic. That was cool, he guessed.
Almost immediately, SS pestered - no, "screeched" at him.
starsofStripes [SS] began screeching at turntechGodhead [TG] .
SS: enjoying your food are you
TG: what the hell how did you get my chumhandle
SS: my bros are douche but hes boss at hacking
SS: just enjoy your meal dude
SS: cant keep callin you dude all the time tho
SS: wats ur name sweetie
TG: its dave
TG: let me listen to my sick beats man
TG: youre hot but damn im dying here
SS: sure thang bby
SS: its lucy btw
SS: and i know im hella hot
SS: baii
starsofStripes [SS] ceased screeching at turntechGodhead [TG] .
He stared at his phone. That was a girl, man. When he looked up, she winked at him and disappeared into the kitchen, hips swaying as she went.
Hot damn.
Gagging, Matthew Williams stepped away from the dense hell called his cousins' bedroom. How those two managed to even kiss with them being second-hand cousins, he didn't want to know. He stared accusingly at the retreating figure of one Anastasia Kirkland, who was laughing. "You said they were done!" he called out.
"They were done when I left," she replied. "Sad to say, they just move quick. And come quick, apparently." She seemed to grimace at the thought of her brother and his matesprit engaging in intercourse, and he couldn't blame her. Those two were sick, perverted, and sadly, kinky. "I'm going to check on my Pesterchum. Lucy was messaging me."
A moan came from the room he'd just walked out of. "You aren't just going to leave me alone, are you?" he asked, trying to look as pitiful as possible. Ana gave him a sad smile.
"I apologize, but I really have to talk to her. She gets agitated when I don't respond."
Matthew thought quick. And then, the most genius thought came to his head: "I'll take you to the bookstore," he proposed, and his cousin's eyes gleamed.
"I suppose I can talk to Lucy on the way," she conceded.
The entire ride was starting to make Matthew sickly. Normally, Ana didn't drive like her moirail, but considering where they were going, he figured he could cut her some slack. Or not. It was just the bookstore, after all, but if he'd said that to her, she'd make him her kismesis in no time flat. He shuddered at the thought. Whoever became her kismesis would have to keep up with her first, and that was kind of impossible most of the time.
The car screeched to a halt. The doors were unlocked not a second after. In another whizz of light, Ana was already outside his door, opening it for him. "Hurry, hurry," she said impatiently, and when he got out, she dragged him off inside.
He wasn't quite sure what hit him the most: the smell of books, or Ana's excited squeal. He looked around, but she had already vanished off to some portion of the incredibly large bookstore. He gulped. You hiked the entirety of Canada in less than a year, he reminded himself. It's just a bookstore. And Ana only disappears at every other second.
He was really starting to regret bringing her to the bookstore. But then, it was either that, or deal with his cousins. Another shudder racked through his body. Nope, nope, mission abort - take Mission Library instead. He randomly picked out a random magazine, and flipped through it. Six tiny strips of paper fell out. Blinking, he picked them out, which gave everyone in the vicinity a nice view of his backside. Somebody whistled, and he resisted the urge to disembowel them. Yes, he knew that he had a nice butt. No need to overreact.
Matthew peered down at the papers. They seemed to be an application form.
Do you want to be a contestant on the INSPECT YOUR QUADRANTS reality TV show?
Then sign up here, with your name, address, and gender! Check the boxes of the quadrants you've filled.
Thank you for signing up!
Well, it wasn't like they were going to get picked. Matthew pocketed the forms and decided to buy a pen while he was here.