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Chapter Text

The jumper came into sight, ungainly with its extra load hanging beneath. John watched as Corporal Smithers carefully brought the little ship in over the top of the pier, and then hovered, slowly descending, until the huge tarpaulin, carrying soil from the mainland, was close enough for the willing workers on the pier to unclip one end and help the soil to slide off the tarpaulin into the target zone.

As soon as the tarpaulin was clear of soil, one of the ground-based marines unclipped the other side and rolled it into a rough ball, tapping his radio and speaking. The jumper slid across the pier a little way and landed, the ramp at the back slowly opening. Corporal Smithers appeared on the ramp and accepted the tarpaulin, bundling it into the back of the jumper, before descending the rest of the way and wandering across to have a look.

John leaned on his shovel and beckoned him over.

“It’s looking good, Sir,” Smithers said, surveying the area that had been set aside to create a garden.

“Yeah, it’s definitely coming together. Looks like we need at least one more lot of soil from your jumper, though. How are the diggers on the mainland coping? Do we need to swap them over?”

“It might be good to take some fresh diggers with me, Sir. They’re looking pretty weary.”

“The hot weather’s not in our favour for this sort of work.” John caught the attention of the eight marines who were working on the pile of soil. “Grab a drink, grab your shirts and board the jumper. Smithers will fly you to the mainland to dig for the next load.”

The marines turned to follow his orders, Smithers following them, and John was left standing alone, a huge pile of soil in front of him needing to be spread and flattened to create the base for the garden.

Another jumper came into view at that moment, looking equally ungainly with its tarpaulin of sand suspended below its belly. Major Lorne waved his arm above his head, sweat glistening on his tanned skin, and the jumper slowed its approach, angling for the area where Lorne was standing shirtless, as they all were in this heat, his muscles clearly displayed.

John had been taking surreptitious peeks all afternoon at that beautiful expanse of flesh, his glances hopefully just interpreted as the CO checking up on his troops to ensure that the work was being carried out appropriately. Now, shovel in hand, he crossed to where the jumper was arriving and stood next to Lorne, ostensibly just a CO on duty, keeping an eye on all aspects of the project. In reality, he was simply enjoying being this close to Lorne’s naked chest, and his mind was flittering in directions it really wasn’t allowed to go. It didn’t help that he was half naked too, his dogtags resting on the sweat-matted hair on his chest.

Lorne was beckoning the jumper lower, tapping his radio when it was in place. The jumper hovered as the marines unclipped the tarpaulin and the soil began to spill out. Evan and John both stepped forward with their shovels, helping to push the sand down the angled tarp to the ground. Evan’s arm bumped against John’s naked shoulder and the frisson of lust that raced through John’s body had him swallowing suddenly and taking a step backwards. Okay, he clearly needed to be somewhere else, before his body telegraphed his interest to everyone.

He nodded to Lorne and backed up a little, returning to his own pile of soil and starting to spread it. Some marines who’d been taking a brief rest in the shade, getting themselves a drink and pouring some of the water over their heads, came over to join him, and it wasn’t long before they’d managed to get the soil smoothed out.

Dr Parrish had planned the entire garden in meticulous detail, and he’d requested one depth of soil for the flowers and ground cover, and a much deeper layer of soil for the areas where shrubs would be planted. The planning team (Dr Parrish, Dr Brown, Dr Zelenka and Teyla) had deliberately chosen an area of the pier that was a little lower than the rest, allowing a natural barricade around the edges of the garden, and the marines had built some retaining walls inside the garden area to cope with the differences in soil level.

It was an ambitious project, but John was feeling very positive about the outcome. He wasn’t quite so positive about the labour involved in getting it set up, but as he crossed to the shaded section and grabbed himself a drink, sitting for a moment on one of the benches and stretching his legs out in front of him, ankles crossed, he reflected that the view was magnificent. How fortunate that his sunglasses hid exactly where his eyes were focused!

Rodney appeared beside him at that moment, plonking down on the bench next to him and draining his bottle of water in two seconds flat. “What possessed you to decide today was the perfect day to create a garden, Sheppard? One glance at the Atlantis weather forecast and you would have seen it was going to be too hot for this type of work!”

John took a lazy swig from his bottle of water, before answering. “The marines get testy if they don’t have things to do, McKay. You know that. Besides, it’s just a bit of heat. They can handle it.”

“Well, that’s nice for them! I, on the other hand, don’t enjoy being outdoors in extremes of temperature. Even my feet are sweating, and my socks are damp. I’ll probably end up with blisters and be limping for weeks.”

John laughed. “You’re not even helping, Rodney. You’re just walking around watching to see where the marines put the soil.”

“Overseeing a project is crucial work, I’ll have you know, Colonel.”

John nodded and patted Rodney on the shoulder. “I know. It’s really lucky for Parrish that you’re so willing to stand out here in the heat and tell him how you would have planned it all differently if you’d been on the committee.”

“Well, I would’ve. He’s got the pond in the wrong corner of the gardens, and the gradient for the cascade into it should have been higher—”

John sat forward suddenly, watching as the next jumper came into view. He drained the last of his water and stood up. “Gotta go, buddy. More soil incoming.”

Rodney stood and walked with him, griping about the harshness of the sun as they moved out of the shade. “I hope you applied a thick layer of my sunblock this morning, Colonel. All that flesh you’re flashing around isn’t used to being exposed to the elements. You’re running the risk of some very nasty skin cancers.”

“I did put some on,” John responded, waving at the incoming pilot and pointing where the next soil dump needed to go.

“Well, you missed a bit,” Rodney said, leaning closer and peering at John’s neck. “Although it’s hard to tell through the dirt.” He pulled a bottle of sunscreen out of his pocket and squeezed some onto his finger. “Here, stand still.”

John rolled his eyes but obediently stood still, and Rodney rubbed the cream into the back of his neck.

“There, that’ll stop it getting any worse.”

“Thanks, Rodney. Feel free to apply sunscreen to any of my marines that look like they’re in danger of skin cancer. I’ve got soil to dig.” And he moved forward, shovel at the ready.

Rodney turned away, sliding the bottle back into his pocket. It was difficult to make your own waterproof, SPF one hundred, sunblock. It was all right to use it to defend his team leader, but there just wasn’t enough for all the marines on this pier to have some. He headed off to supervise the soil placement in the far corner.

Several hours later, the work was finally finished. Enough soil had been brought to fill in all the spaces that had been marked out, and Dr Parrish was enthusiastically expressing his joy at the outcome of the day’s labour. John was standing, listening to him waxing lyrical, while jealously watching his marines jump off the end of the pier into the coolness of the ocean.

“We’ll let the soil settle overnight,” Parrish was saying, “and then tomorrow we can start to bring in the shrubs and flowering species from the mainland. Will there be marines available for the transplanting of the shrubs?”

“The marines that were on duty today in the gate room, kitchen, laundry and on patrol can help you tomorrow. So there’ll be around twenty all up. Is that enough for you?”

“Oh, yes, that’s delightful. Twenty will be perfect. Are some of them jumper pilots? We’ve already identified the shrubs and so-on that we wish to transplant, but some help with the digging would be wonderful.”

“Yes, there’ll be a couple of jumper pilots among them, and if not, some of the ATA scientists can fly. Good practice for them. And now, if you’ll excuse me, Doc, I’ve got an ocean to jump into,” and not waiting for a reply, John jogged his way down to the end of the pier, shed his boots and BDU pants at the edge, and bombied his way into the cool water.

There was an impromptu water volleyball match in progress and John happily joined in, grateful for the chance to relax at the end of such a scorching hot day. The local Atlantis weather forecast – which he had checked, thank you very much – had shown an abrupt change was likely tomorrow with much cooler temperatures, perfect for planting out the garden. He wasn’t sure which of the scientists was actually responsible for the weather forecast, but it did occasionally prove to be useful.

And the upshot of the cooler weather was that the garden should be almost fully planted out by evening the following day. The trees were already in place, carried over by the jumpers, slung beneath them with ropes, and planted into enormous wooden pots that one of the marines with a carpentry background had crafted. The reticulation system was in; the pond had water in it which looped around to feed a mini cascade about three metres long, and some beautiful yellow and orange fish had been brought across from a small lake on the mainland. Once the ground cover, shrubs and flowers were planted, the garden would be almost ready.

Parrish had explained that the ground cover would need a few weeks at this time of year to really take hold, and had asked that John put limits on the number of people that could access the garden in the first month. After that, the robust, low growing grass substitute should be happily embedded and ready for whatever foot traffic came its way.

And so John let all his cares wash away in the laughter of the friendly volleyball match in the ocean, reflecting that life in Pegasus had some great upsides.

The mood in the mess that evening, when Adi entered, was quite ebullient. The marines were chatting and laughing as they ate, clearly in good spirits.

Adi slid around the side, heading for the food counter and hoping that the lightness of spirit meant that the garden was almost finished. She’d had some early input to the design, saying she liked flowers as well as shrubs and trees, and the sound of running water was very soothing, but she hadn’t been a part of the planning committee, and all the serious deliberations over logistics had been done without her.

She’d hoped to be able to watch the garden being created, but the marines had decided amongst themselves that they wanted it to be a surprise for her, and they’d put their case to Sergeant Stackhouse who, in turn, had convinced the Colonel and the Major of the desirability of letting the marines have their way.

So Adi hadn’t been anywhere near the pier where this garden was coming into being. The project had been underway for several days now, and the noise level and general feeling of bonhomie, suggested that maybe it was nearing completion. She hoped so. She was very keen to see the finished product.

She selected her main course and then popped some of the gourdi fruit from her home world onto her tray for dessert and turned to see where she might sit. Ronon was waving his hand at her, and so were Dr Quinten and Dr Parrish, and she spared a moment to smile at all three of them, thinking how wonderful it was to be part of such a welcoming community. Then she headed for Ronon’s table. Rodney was likely to let some tidbits about the garden slip out in his litany of complaints and she might find out how it was progressing.

John was sitting at the table as well, but he’d changed his behaviour in the last week, and no longer exhibited extreme discomfort when she was invited to join his team for a meal, usually remaining until everyone was finished eating instead of making an excuse to leave shortly after she arrived. She wasn’t sure what had prompted that change in behaviour, but it certainly made it easier for her to sit with those of her friends who shared his table.

Adi approached the table and slid her tray into the spare spot at the end, smiling broadly at everyone as she sat down. John and Teyla were discussing the archery butts on the mainland which were almost complete. Teyla had spent the day on the mainland, catching up with her people and had hitched a ride home with the last of the soil-carrying jumpers. As she turned towards Adi, she smiled in welcome. “Adi, I’ve been telling the Colonel that the archery field is almost ready for use. My people will be building the last of the archery butts over the next few days. They have suggested that we bring you out to our village to see what they have created, and to check that all is well, before we begin lessons.”

Adi nodded, her smile bright. “That sounds wonderful, Teyla. I would welcome the opportunity to meet your people, and to see what they have created. Please let me know when you wish to go and I will make sure that I am available.” She tilted her head a little to bring Rodney into view. “Rodney, do you wish to learn how to use a bow?”

Rodney lifted his attention from his laptop and stared at her in horror. “Oh, no. I did that once with the Fort McMurry Eager Beavers and the equipment must have been faulty, because I ended up shooting one of the other Eager Beavers in the leg. That was just before they asked me to leave. I didn’t enjoy it at all, and everyone was really angry.”

Adi smiled gently at him. “That is unfortunate, Rodney. I had thought that you would do very well at archery. You have strong shoulders and that would mean you could draw a heavier bow, and fire longer distances.”

“Oh, really? You think I’d be good at it?” Rodney asked, his face morphing from distress at his memories to hopefulness. It was his kicked puppy look, the one he showed when someone said something nice to him and he wasn’t sure if they were mocking him. It was an expression that always upset Adi, showing her what his life had been like, what had caused him to erect such abrasive walls around himself.

“I think you could be a very good archer, Rodney. I would like to have the opportunity to teach you, to share this with you.”

“Oh, well, then…” Rodney sat up a little straighter. “I’ll, uh, yes, well, I’ll give it a try then.”

Adi beamed at him. “Thank you, Rodney.” She turned her attention to Ronon. “Have you ever fired a bow, Ronon?”

“Nope. Seen it a lot, never did it though.”

“I think you would enjoy the axe throwing more than the archery itself. You are very skilled with your knives, and I am sure that would transfer to axes.”

Ronon grinned, baring his teeth. “Can I throw knives at your axe targets?”

Adi laughed gently. “Of course you may. And they are not my targets. Teyla’s people have put in the effort to make them.” She leaned back a little in her seat and addressed the table at large. “Was the outdoor work very unpleasant today in the heat?”

“Oh no you don’t,” John said, smirking at her. “I know exactly where that question’s going, and I’m sworn to secrecy by a battalion of marines.”

“That’s a shame. I was thinking you looked a little sunburnt, Colonel.” Adi’s tone was teasing and she smiled cheekily at him.

Rodney’s ears had pricked up at that comment, and he launched himself into the conversation. “Yes, he is sunburnt. I gave him some of my SPF one hundred sunblock and he’s clearly not competent at applying it evenly. I had to top him up mid-afternoon. I could see his neck burning.”

“Did you get burned too, Rodney?” Adi asked, hoping to hear something that would tell her about the garden. She could see John rolling his eyes at her out of the corner of her eye.

“Of course not. I re-applied my sunblock at regular intervals, and I kept my top on, unlike the entire military contingent who thought that shovelling sand half-naked was the best way to get skin cancer.”

Adi laughed. “So the soil was brought in today?”

Rodney’s face fell. “Oh. I wasn’t meant to tell you that.”

Adi looked at his disappointed face and felt bad. “I am at fault, Rodney. I tricked you. I promise to ask no further questions. I am just so eager for it to be finished so that I may see it.”

“It’ll probably be done by the end of tomorrow,” John said, relenting his stance a little.

Adi turned to him, her face beaming, and John felt that now familiar clenching of his heart. Her happiness was contagious, and he found himself smiling back.

Ronon suddenly stood, picking up his tray. “Got a sparring class,” he said.

“Oh,” Teyla said. “Is it that time already? I must go too. I have a bantos class this evening.” She followed Ronon from the table.

“Are we still on for racing the cars tonight, Sheppard?” Rodney asked, his eyes fixed on his laptop. “I’ll be ready in about three minutes, just setting up a simulation.”

John nodded and was opening his mouth to respond when Dr Parrish approached the table. “Sorry to interrupt, Colonel, I was hoping to borrow Adi, if I might?” He turned to Adi. “I wanted your opinion on a few of the bushes and flowers we’ve chosen. Are you free?”

Adi nodded. “Of course, David. I can come now.” She turned to John and Rodney. “Enjoy your evening,” she said, and then she lifted her tray and followed the doctor out of the mess.

John watched her go, and then turned back to Rodney. “Ready yet?”

“Yes, yes. Well, no, actually. But if you go and collect the cars, I’ll meet you there in ten minutes.”

“Okay,” John said obligingly, and left McKay to it, heading off to grab their racing cars, an evening of fun ahead of him.

It was late when John returned to his room that night. He and Rodney had spent a couple of hours racing their cars in the deserted halls of Atlantis, but then, when they’d been wrapping up, Rodney had suggested beers on the pier. His tone of voice had been a bit subdued even though he’d won, so John had agreed, and they’d dropped off the cars, gathered the beer John kept in the fridge in his quarters, and headed out to their favourite pier.

Sitting on the end, legs dangling above the water, they’d each drunk two beers before Rodney started talking. “You see, the thing is, I’m just not very good with women,” he said sadly.

“Oh, hey, I’m sure you’re not that bad,” John said hastily. “Has Dr Rowen said something?”

“No, but she just started crying last night, and I don’t know why. I didn’t know what to do.” He turned to face John, pulling one of his legs up onto the pier and bending it at the knee. “You’re good with women, Kirk, what would you have done?”

“Well, it depends why she was crying,” John responded, opting to ignore the ‘Kirk’ comment. “Was she upset about something you said? Or did you forget an important date? Was it her birthday? Did she have a crappy day?”

“No. None of those,” Rodney said, sounding very confused. “I asked her a lot of questions, but she just kept shaking her head and saying no. And still crying.”

John nodded slowly. “Nancy used to do that, every so often. Just burst into tears for no reason and cry for hours.”

“Who’s Nancy?” Rodney asked.

John’s body tensed. “Oh, um, my ex-wife.”

“Your ex… you were married? You’ve never told me that!”

“Well, there wasn’t much to tell. But it’s useful for you that I’ve been married, because I can tell you from experience that if a woman starts crying and there’s no obvious cause, she really just needs you to hold her until she stops crying.”

“Hold her and she’ll stop crying, huh? I tried that. It didn’t work.”

“Not hold her and she’ll stop crying. Hold her until she stops crying.” John was halfway through his third beer now and feeling the buzz.

“But why was she crying in the first place?”

“I never worked that out. I think it was like a pressure valve, and sometimes it just… overflowed. But if you hang around and just hug them, they’re really grateful afterwards.”

“Oh, you mean… right. I should’ve stayed then.” Rodney’s shoulders slumped forward.

John looked at him sideways. “Did you leave her crying and go back to your quarters?”

“Well, she wouldn’t stop. She was all curled up on her bed just… crying. So, yeah. I put the blanket over her and left her to it.”

John shook his head. “Seen her today?”

“No. I was on the pier all day, overseeing the creation of the garden.”

John hummed softly. “Better see her soon, or she’ll be pissed.”

Rodney sighed. “Women make no sense.”

“Nope. None at all.” John saluted Rodney with his almost empty beer bottle. “But if you want her to stick around, you probably need to apologise for leaving her alone when she was sad… and give her some chocolate.”

“Chocolate?” Rodney sat a little more upright. “I have some Belgian chocolate that Jeannie sent. I was saving it to eat after a really bad mission, where horrible things happened to me. But I could maybe part with some for Susie.”

“Part with a whole block, McKay. No half measures.”

“Oh, okay. I can do that.”

John put his empty bottle down on the pier beside his leg and hoisted himself up. “Come on then, Romeo. Bed is calling.”

“Oh, right, yes.” Rodney pulled his dangling leg up onto the pier and worked his way to standing.

Collecting the bottles between them, the two men made their way back towards the city. John handed his bottles to Rodney as they approached the transporter. “I need to do my last rounds,” he said and ushered Rodney into the transporter first.

“Right, well, good night then, and... thanks, Sheppard.”

The transporter door closed, and a moment later opened again, empty. John stepped in and tapped on the sensor for the control room.

Fifteen minutes later he’d checked all the places he needed to check to feel that Atlantis was safe for the night, and he was back in his quarters.

He didn’t drink alcohol all that often any more… the need to be constantly on call meant that he preferred to stay always in control. The light buzz running through him was making him feel quite alive, and a little desirous of company. He thought of wandering down to Adi’s room, seeing if she was there and maybe sleeping with her wrapped in his arms… but he hadn’t sought her out since that night on the pier nearly a week ago, and he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to just hold her in a platonic hug tonight, not with the way he was feeling right now.

He threw himself down on his bed, letting his mind drift back to the sight of Evan’s half-naked body on the pier, all those muscles rippling as he’d used the shovel, the sweat trickling down his back and chest, sliding past his waist band… John lifted his hands and slowly unbuttoned his top, letting his fingers find their way to his nipples, gently squeezing them through his t-shirt as he let the film reel of Evan’s body play through his mind. One hand left his nipples, sneaking a bit lower, then lower still, sliding in underneath the waistband of his own BDU’s. He hummed lightly in anticipation, and brought his other hand down, slowly undoing the buttons and shucking both pants and boxers. He lay there gently palming himself, his eyes closed, imagining that was Evan’s hand, right there, touching him, squeezing him. He began to stroke himself with more intent, losing himself in the images, speeding his pace up, squeezing more firmly, until eventually he groaned, his seed spilling across his hand. He sighed deeply, relaxing into the bed, sated and happy.

After a while he opened his eyes and huffed out a breath. That’d been stupid. That was the alcohol’s fault – well, that, and the illicit temptation he’d been fighting all day. John tried really, really hard to never use Evan as a source of material for managing his own needs. He had to work with the man, and despite his strong feelings for him, working in a professional capacity with a subordinate that you were fantasising about was tricky, to say the least.

He leaned down and unlaced his boots, pushing his pants and boxers off completely, before heading to the bathroom to wash up and complete his nightly ablutions. Coming back into the bedroom a few minutes later he stopped, irresolute, near the door. He was still feeling like company, and Adi’s room was just two doors down… he knew she’d welcome him, let him come in, slide into her bed and her arms, no questions asked. But it felt a bit wrong to go to her just minutes after stroking his body to completion with the image of someone else in his mind.

He slumped down onto his bed, pulling up the covers. When he’d gone out to the pier the night the Daedalus had left, he’d been so sure of what he was doing. Adi had been her usual welcoming self, had lifted the blankets even, inviting him into her cocoon. But after a couple of hours of star gazing and desultory conversation, she’d said she was getting sleepy and had asked if he was planning to stay with her through the night, and… well, he’d frozen again. Had stammered out an incoherent response that ended with him slithering out of the blankets, wishing her a nice night, and hightailing it back to the city. He shook his head in remembered embarrassment. Seriously! He really sucked at relationships. It was almost ironic that McKay had sought him out for advice about women, because John was no expert, not at all.

He curled up in his bed, alone with his pillows and his thoughts, and let himself drift off to sleep.

In the pre-dawn light, Adi startled awake, the images from her nightmare vivid in her mind. She took a deep, cleansing breath, looking about her, acknowledging that she was safe, she was in her room, there was no danger. The nightmare had been about that fight on the pier when the Genii had invaded, when she’d been alone, facing multiple enemies armed with swords and slashing at her, attacking her, slicing her body open, slicing it almost in two. She shuddered as the remembered terror rose up inside her. Snuggling down into the bedding, Adi decided that something must be done. This was the third time she’d had this nightmare, and despite spending time with Dr Heightmeyer talking through the emotions of the situation, it wasn’t getting better. She needed to take action.

Some of the terror she’d felt had been because she was not skilled with a sword, had never learned to wield one. Her weapons were bow, and axe, and hand-to-hand. Her people had practiced a discipline that the Lanteans referred to as a martial art, and Adi had participated in the daily sessions since she was a toddler. Not all of her people had been so interested, but moving her body, using her arms, her legs, her weight, the momentum of another, to defend herself had always held a fascination for her, and she had been a keen pupil. But swords were not part of her people’s culture, and so she had stood on that pier, facing a horde of soldiers bent on destruction, and had felt woefully out of her depth.

The sun was sending tendrils of light through her curtains, bathing her room with warmth, and Adi stretched under the covers. The day had begun and, before nightfall, she hoped to have faced this fear head on. Even her hand-to-hand skills were diminishing. It had been many, many moons since she had stood with her people and gone through the familiar forms of their discipline, had faced members of her community in the communal hall, bringing them to the ground, or being brought to the ground herself. Time was passing and, with it, her natural instincts were waning. This would not do.

Adi shuffled out from under the covers and went to take a shower. She must address this need.

An hour and a half later, showered, dressed and having spent some time on her forest balcony refreshing her aura after the ripples of unease left over from the nightmare, Adi made her way to the mess. She was late this morning and the mess was almost deserted, just a few military personnel who had come off overnight sentry duty, and a couple of scientists – those who worked irregular hours as they chased down the ideas in their minds, or tended to experiments. She selected her breakfast and took her tray out to the mess balcony to eat in solitude, welcoming the light breeze that had sprung up.

When she’d finished eating, she left the mess, heading for Colonel Sheppard’s office. She had a feeling he would know exactly what needed to be done to help her retain her current skills and build new ones.

Adi knocked lightly on the door and it slid open, showing a small office with two desks. One desk was empty, but Major Lorne sat at the other. He had his hands on his keyboard and his head was turned to face the door, and she realised she’d interrupted him mid-thought.

“Adi,” he said, lifting his hands and swivelling his seat, “is everything okay?”

“Good morning, Major. Everything is fine. I had hoped to find Colonel Sheppard here. I am in need of guidance.”

“Oh, well, the Colonel’s not available just at the moment. He’s in a jumper somewhere on the mainland with one of the ATA pilots, getting them to practice their hovering skills against mountains and cliffs. He’ll be in and out all day, taking up one pilot after another. Is it something I could help with?” Evan was unsure if Adi would accept his offer of assistance. She was standing uncertainly in the doorway, her arms clasped about her waist, and he felt a protective surge run through him. “I’d like to help if I can.”

Adi took a few steps inside the room, and moved the visitor’s chair from John’s desk to Evan’s. She sat. “I wish to know… to ask… Major, am I permitted to make use of the training area that you have here?”

Evan leaned back in his chair. “The training area? Where do you mean?”

“Well, Ronon says ‘I am going to spar’, and Teyla says ‘I have a bantos class,’ and Sergeant Stackhouse says, “I benched so many pounds today’, and I am unsure if I am permitted to participate in these activities that your people are doing.”

“Oh, wow. Did no-one ever show you the gym? And tell you about the different classes?”

Adi shook her head. “I see sweat-soaked people in the hallways, but I have never seen how it is that they become sweaty.”

Evan laughed. “Well, we need to remedy that. And yes, you can join in anything that’s going on. I’m really sorry, Adi. I thought someone would have told you that.”

Adi smiled understandingly. “When I arrived in Atlantis I spent my first two weeks in the infirmary, and then it was not expected that I would remain for long. Perhaps it was not seen as a need for me.” She leaned forward. “But… I keep having nightmares, about the Genii attack. And Major – Evan… I have no experience with a sword at all. Is there someone who could help me to develop this skill? And I need to keep up my hand-to-hand training as well, and my general fitness, as I do not wish to lose the ability to defend myself if the need should arise.”

Evan could clearly hear the worry in her tone, and he felt that they’d let Adi down a bit by not telling her where she could train, stay fit, and keep herself in fighting form. Perhaps no-one had taken the time to realise that her ability to defend herself was not necessarily just an inherent reaction to danger. “Okay, we can help with all of that. I don’t know anyone that can teach you sword-fighting specifically, but there are a couple of guys who learned to fight with staffs – a Jaffa named Teal’c taught them while they were stationed at the SGC, so they can certainly give you some tips in using a long-handled weapon. And you can join in Teyla’s bantos training, or Ronon’s sparring. Teyla’s style uses short sticks, but Ronon’s style is purely based on body movements.” His eyes held hers for a moment. “Adi, have you seen the new obstacle course? The Ninja Room?”

Adi shook her head. “I have heard it mentioned in conversation, but I do not know what it is or where it is. Am I permitted to go to this room?”

Evan smiled widely. “Yeah, for sure. Come on.” He stood up. “Let’s go explore all the options Atlantis has available for you to get sweaty.”

Adi laughed and followed him from the room.

Evan took Adi down to the gyms first, showing her the smaller room where the actual gym equipment – bench press, leg press, etc – were located, and then the larger room with soft-fall mats on the floor where the classes were held. He pointed to the punching bag along one wall, telling her she could use that too, but would need gloves and someone to show her how to punch for best effect, without hurting herself.

Then they headed for the Ninja Room. There was no-one in there at this time of day, and Adi stood on the threshold, gazing in awe at all the obstacles. “Oh, I have never seen such a thing. This is amazing.” She turned to Evan. “And you are saying I am permitted to try and pass through all of these different activities?”

“Yeah, for sure. There’s a start point over there, and once you’re up you just keep going until you reach the last obstacle, over there. I know the Colonel allocated a session each week for the civilians, but after the first couple of times no-one turned up. It’s pretty hard to do, and you definitely need someone with you, but you can come whenever you want to.”

“May I try it now, Evan? Is that permitted? Do you have the time to stay with me, or may I ask amongst the off-duty marines and find someone to join me here?”

Evan smiled at her obvious enthusiasm. “We can do it now. I’ll come with you all the way through. Some of these are pretty challenging.” He walked them over to the start point. “Are you ready?”

Adi nodded, her face full of wonder. “Yes, indeed.” She gazed up at the first obstacle. It was a wall with narrow ledges sticking out at various intervals, scattered here and there across the surface. “I must climb this wall, yes?”

“Yep. I’ll go first, you follow where I tread.” And so they began, moving carefully from obstacle to obstacle, Adi’s laughter ringing out as she faced ever more daunting physical challenges with her usual cheerful determination, showing her innate willingness to try, her disinclination to give up or give in.

Chapter Text

John was sitting in the co-pilot’s seat of Jumper One, watching as Corporal Parkes flew the jumper through the city’s towers towards the roof hatch for the Jumper Bay. The Corporal had done fairly well with today’s piloting tasks. He was a marine through and through, and had a lowish affinity with Ancient tech, but he’d managed all the basic piloting tasks well enough, and then they’d spent an hour practicing hovering near various cliffs and mountain tops on the mainland. John had made him practice the standard manoeuvre they seemed to need a lot – flying forwards to see where you needed to be, rotating on the spot, lowering the ramp, and then hovering the jumper in place, holding it steady while people (John) walked down the ramp then back up. Parkes’ control had been pretty dodgy the first few times, but by the end of the hour he’d executed a perfect rescue manoeuvre and John was happy with his increased level of skill.

This was John’s second pilot training session today, and his mind was looking forward to a break before he went up again. It was actually hard for him to be a co-pilot in a jumper. The Ancient tech loved him, and when he was present, it kept trying to defer to his far stronger mental commands. He had to fight the whole time to keep his mind blank, even while he was instructing the trainee pilots in what they needed to do.

Walking down the ramp in the Jumper Bay, he turned to Parkes. “That was good. You’re well on the way to being an A-class pilot. You’re dismissed.”

He stood for a moment as Parkes left, trying to decide where he wanted to be. He should probably check in with Lorne. He’d left him working on the duty rosters, trying to fit farming on Capeliga into the mix, and his first draft should be ready by now.

Walking into his office, John was surprised to see it empty. Brow furrowing a little, he sat down and turned on the computer, loading the email system. But there wasn’t anything new from Lorne. John scrolled up and down, in case it was lost in amongst all the other emails that had arrived in the last day, but no, the duty roster wasn’t there.

John hummed a little, trying to work out why his very competent and conscientious XO had walked away from the job. He reached his hand up to tap his radio, but then paused. It’d been a bit awkward this morning, being in the office for those few minutes with Lorne after his ill-considered actions of the night before.

John felt himself flush a little. He didn’t really want to radio Lorne and ask him why he’d abandoned the task he’d been set, but he was curious. Maybe Elizabeth had asked to see him.

John left his office and walked towards the control room. Passing behind Sergeant Banks, he could already see no-one was in Elizabeth’s office except Elizabeth. He changed his path, coming up in front of Banks’ console. “Sergeant, do you know where Major Lorne is?”

“I’m not sure, Sir. Would you like me to radio him?”

“No, it doesn’t matter. He’s just not in the office where I expected him to be.”

“Oh, I saw him leave earlier with Adi, Sir. She was in there for a while and then they came out together.”

John felt his eyebrows rising and deliberately schooled his features.

“There were two life signs showing in the Ninja Room when we did the last check, Sir. Maybe that’s Major Lorne and Adi.”

“Thanks Sergeant, I’ll check it out.” John walked away, heading for the transporters. The marines used the Ninja Room very early in the mornings, but then didn’t tend to get back there until late afternoon, busy with their various duties during the day. He wondered why Lorne would've abandoned his work to take Adi there now and, pondering that unanswerable question, he wended his way through the city.

Adi and Evan had made it through obstacle after obstacle. None of them were easy, all were designed to test the marines, to stretch them, make them push their bodies, and Evan was very impressed that Adi hadn’t given up, that she was still going.

They were perched on top of the second to last obstacle – a rope climbing frame. It required you to use a lot of upper-body strength to pull yourself up to the top, with only a couple of strategically placed horizontal pieces of rope to rest on, and a couple of vertical ones. They were straddling the top bar, sitting with a leg hanging down to either side, facing each other. Adi had her hands on Evan’s shoulders and was leaning her head in, resting it against his chest, panting. Evan had his hands on her hips, keeping her balanced.

Another minute passed, and then Adi finally lifted her head as her breathing calmed. She laughed gently. “Oh, Evan, this one has almost killed me. Thank goodness we are nearly to the end.”

“You’ve done great, Adi. I can’t believe you made it this far.”

“I could not have done it without you. Truly, Evan, thank you for helping me so much. I am sure the other civilians did not need this much support.”

Evan laughed. “None of the other civilians made it anywhere near this far through. Some of them couldn’t even get over the first obstacle.”

“Oh, I do not think ill of them at all.” Suddenly she lifted her torso fully upright. “All right, I am ready,” she said, dropping her hands from Evan’s shoulders down to the bar between them.

“Are you stable, Adi? I’m going to let go.”

“Yes, I am fine.”

Evan dropped his own hands from Adi’s hips, then shimmied backwards and slid his leg over, lowering himself with his arms until he was dangling from the top bar, then reaching one hand out to take a vertical rope, transferring his full weight to that rope and climbing down it a little until his feet met the top-most horizontal rope. He paused for a moment, and glanced back up. Adi was avidly watching him, all her attention on his movements. He tilted his head back down and continued descending. Once he was safely on the ground, Evan carefully guided Adi through the moves to get back to floor level. She was happily smiling as she finally made it safely back to earth.

Then she turned to face the final obstacle and her smile dropped away, her eyes widening. It was a set of monkey bars, but first you had to jump up and pull yourself on to the top of a solid foam block to reach them. Adi was shaking her head. “Oh, I do not think this is possible. It is above the height of my head, Evan.” Her voice rose in pitch, reflecting her incredulity. “Can you do that?”

Evan grinned at her. “Sure. It’s easy.” He readied himself, jumped and caught the edge with his hands and pulled himself up, using his feet for purchase and getting first one elbow up over the edge, then the other, pulling his body up and up until he disappeared over the top. Reappearing a moment later, he was grinning down at her. “Okay, maybe not easy. But doable. Your turn.”

Adi pursed her lips, then tried jumping. She was much too short. “Try a run up,” Evan suggested, and she obediently backed up a little, then ran and jumped, grabbing the edge with her fingertips. She slid back down and flopped on the floor, laughing up at him.

“You know how high it is now, Adi. Next time your body will naturally jump a little further.”

Adi stood and backed up again, then ran and jumped, and managed to hook one hand fully over the edge. The other had only caught by her fingertips, but she managed to reposition it. Evan was guiding her to use her feet to push herself higher, and slowly, slowly, she pulled herself up and up and up until she was finally on top.

“You did it.” Evan sat down beside her, and Adi lifted her hand and cupped his cheek for a fleeting moment before dropping her hand again.

“Your marines are truly wonderous warriors if they can do this every day.”

“The more you do it, the better you’ll get at it.” Evan said, and Adi nodded, pushing herself to sitting and gazing at the monkey bars ahead of her.

“Is this definitely the last challenge?”

He nodded and Adi got herself up onto her feet. “Very well, then. Off you go.”

Evan swung himself across the monkey bars. The bars themselves were set reasonably far apart, putting pressure on the shoulder joints, and he cringed a little as Adi began the journey, her diminutive frame looking forlorn, hanging from such a height. As she was almost across, her hand slipped and she began to fall. But Evan grabbed hold of one of the bars with one hand, and reached out to grab her body with the other arm, pulling her flush up against him. They fell backwards onto the foam block, both of them laughing.

After a few moments they untangled themselves and sat up. Evan stood and jumped off the edge, then turned back. “Just jump, Adi. Make sure to land two feet together.” Adi sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, closed her eyes and jumped. She landed well, then stumbled forward and would have fallen, but Evan’s hand was there to catch her.

“I did it! Evan, I did it!” Adi’s expression was euphoric.

“You did!” Evan offered her a hi five, and Adi recognised the gesture from the morning hug-in between the military personnel. She clapped her hand against his, and then suddenly tensed and turned.

John was standing in the doorway, watching them, his face wearing the bland expression he used to mask his feelings.

“Colonel!” Adi cried. She was moving towards him. “Did you see? I did the entire course. All of it.” She was beaming from ear to ear and John – who had been frozen in the doorway for several minutes, eyes riveted to the view of Adi and Evan laughing together, touching each other, so very obviously comfortable inside one another’s personal space – shook himself free of his shock and plastered a return smile on his face. He moved to meet her. “I did, Adi. This course is not for the faint-hearted. Well done.”

Adi turned to glance at Evan who had come up beside her. “I could not have done it without the Major’s support, Colonel. He has very kindly given up his morning to assist me to overcome these challenges.” The joy in her achievement was radiating from her, and John felt his heart descend from his throat – where it had been lodged by the shock of seeing Adi cavorting with Evan – and resume beating normally.

“I’m sure he was happy to throw over the duty rosters and escape to the Ninja Room,” John drawled. “It’s a far more pleasant way to spend the morning.” He turned his attention to Lorne, who had the grace to look slightly abashed.

“I’m sorry, Sir. Adi came looking for you. She’s been having nightmares about the Genii fight and wanted someone to teach her sword fighting. And she asked if she was allowed to join in any of the exercise activities we have here. Somehow, we missed offering her the chance to use the gym, or attend the classes. I’m sorry about the rosters, Sir. I thought showing Adi the options that are available was the right thing to do. And she really liked the Ninja course.”

“I did! That was a lot of fun. I am sorry if I have interrupted important work though, and I will let you get back to that now, Major. Thank you again for helping me.” She nodded at them both, smiling brightly, and headed for the exit.

John carefully didn’t turn and watch her leave the room, although he wanted to. He’d been positively pole-axed to see her so comfortable with Lorne, unselfconsciously alone with him in this room… she’d been holding him, letting him hold her, she’d been laughing with him. John’s hands had been clammy from the shock of it. But then she’d spotted him, skulking there in the doorway, and had been just as happy to see him as she always was, had smiled her gloriously happy smile at him, had wanted to share her achievement with him. He didn’t know what to think. Evan was talking, so he pulled his mind away from his own thoughts and quickly tuned back in.

“—me for something urgent?”

“No. No. My mind needed a break from jumper lessons, so I went to check the rosters and saw they weren’t there. Banks suggested you might be down here with Adi.” He turned and started to walk out of the Ninja Room, and Evan followed him.

“She seemed a bit low, Sir. I think the nightmares were really bothering her. I thought it might cheer her up a little if I showed her what was available straight away. I’ve suggested Corporals Tobias and Lopez could possibly teach her to fight with a staff. That’s about as close to sword fighting as I think we’re likely to get here, and they both trained with Teal’c, so they should have good form.”

John nodded. “Good choices. Can you set that up?”

“I’ll speak to them this afternoon.”

“Are either of them blue-green, do you know? It might be better if she can train with someone who has her own aura colour – at least to begin with.”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that. But I’ll check. And that means she’ll be better in Ronon’s class than Teyla’s, too.” He huffed out a breath, his tone turning considering. “It really adds a whole extra dimension to planning when you need to consider that touching the wrong person is painful for her.”

‘And touching the right one feels amazing’ John thought to himself. Maybe that’s all it had been. Adi had found someone to help her that she could touch. And if she was feeling ruffled from her nightmares, she’d probably needed that touch to rebalance her aura. Taking a mental step back and actually considering the scene he’d stumbled into in the Ninja Room, with a mind unclouded by emotions, he could see that Adi would've needed a lot of help to get through that obstacle course – it was incredibly challenging, and she didn’t have the muscles that the female marines had built up. If he’d been in the office this morning, that would've been him up there, helping her, holding her, laughing with her. His distress started to lessen. It still didn’t feel good that she’d done those things with Evan, but at least it was starting to feel less bad.

They’d reached the command tower now and John turned his head to Evan. “I’ve got another lesson to give, Major. I’ll leave you to those pesky rosters.”

Lorne laughed. “Thanks, Sir. I’ll try to have them in your inbox by the end of the day,” and he peeled off and headed for the office as John made his way back to the Jumper Bay.

Two piloting lessons - and four hours - later, John was back in the city and feeling hungry. He’d had an early breakfast, and he’d missed lunch all together – the time he could have used for refueling taken up with the visit to the Ninja Room.

He’d had to concentrate a lot on the jumper lessons while they’d been over the mainland, but the ocean flying, thirty minutes to and fro, well, that time he’d used to try and work out why he’d felt so upset at seeing Adi and Lorne together. It really had been a shock. And he’d finally worked it out. Adi had called Lorne ‘Evan’ – several times in fact – while they’d been touching each other on those obstacles. It implied a degree of intimacy he hadn’t realised was there, hadn’t realised existed between them. And as soon as she’d noticed that John was there, she’d instantly flicked to calling Lorne by his rank. Which was exactly what she did with John, exactly what she did to hide their own personal connection.

It made him wonder if he’d missed something vital here. Was Adi seeing Lorne? He didn’t believe so, but he was beginning to think he might actually need to ask her what their relationship was – a conversation he was not looking forward to. But it was niggling at him. Because… he knew he’d been shying away from actually telling her how he felt, and what he wanted with her, but he hadn’t expected her to simply move on and start spending close, personal time with someone else. And they’d looked really comfortable with each other, and yet… there’d never been anything to suggest that degree of closeness. If she was able to hide it that well…

He sighed and entered the mess. He was pleased to see that the evening’s meal was being served up into the bain maries. He was very early, right at the beginning of the dinner period, but since this was actually a very late lunch for him, he was grateful there was something robust, and not just fruit and cake. He really was hungry.

He made his selections, chose a table by himself (he was almost the only one in the mess, although a few scientists were starting to trickle in) and made his way through his meal, still feeling slightly ruffled. He was just finishing up his pudding cup when his radio chirped. He tapped his earwig. “Sheppard.”

“Oh, Colonel,” came Dr Parrish’s tinny tones, “we’re finished. It’s all done. It looks so beautiful, won’t you come and see? I’ll wait for you here.”

“On my way,” John said, tapping his radio off and scooping up the last mouthful of dessert. He quickly dealt with his tray and headed out to the pier where the garden had risen from bland grey nothingness, into – and he could see this already, as he exited the transporter – a beautiful, rich, vibrant, colourful, patch of nature.

Dr Parrish saw him as soon as he stepped onto the pier, and came towards him immediately, bubbling over with joy and happiness that the job was done.

John had to admit, it did look amazing, even in the late afternoon sunlight. The full-grown trees were scattered about, strategically placed to provide plenty of shade, and the bushes were planted in such a way that little nooks were created, private places where you might sit with a partner or friend to have a picnic, or enjoy some downtime together. There were flowers everywhere – mostly starting to close up now as they followed the sun towards the horizon – and the area near the cascade and pond was open, allowing for a largish group, maybe thirty people, to mill around, enjoying themselves all together near the water. As well, there were benches placed here and there throughout the whole area, letting people choose to sit on the ground or a chair. It was pretty amazing, and John was sure it would be stunning in the morning sunlight, when the flowers were wide open, their colours providing an extra burst of pleasure to the relaxing atmosphere here. He turned on his heel, surveying the area, then came to a stop, facing Dr Parrish. “It’s fantastic, Doc. You’ve done an amazing job. Well done.”

David was smiling from ear to ear, and he started babbling again, describing this plant and that flower and how they would look in a week or a month or a year. John tuned it out, thinking how much he’d wanted to build this for Adi, to let her have somewhere to replenish her soul, here, where she lived. He was itching to show it to her, to bring her out here and let her see it for herself. But glancing at the flowers starting to close up, he realised it’d have more impact if he waited until morning.

He gently herded Dr Parrish towards the transporter and pushed him in the direction of the mess, hoping he’d run out of bubbling enthusiasm before John encountered him again.

John stood irresolute for a moment. He’d already eaten, he had no pressing duties right now. But the slight feeling of wrongness from his earlier encounter in the Ninja room was still frizzing across his body. He turned for the gym. Maybe a good session beating up the punching bag would help.

He walked into the gym, only to find Teyla clasping the arms of a student, heads bowed to each other in ritual thanks for the bout. The student – one of the new scientists – nodded shyly at John as she exited the room, and Teyla turned to him. “John, have you come to spar?”

“Actually, I was planning to use the punching bag for a while. But I guess I could spar instead.” He crossed to the mats and picked up the bantos rods left by the last student. “Okay, I’m all yours.”

Teyla didn’t go easy on him – but then she never did, demanding his full attention and punishing him with a flurry of stinging hits when his mind wandered. After an hour of this, John was ready to throw in the towel. He crossed to the bench and grabbed his water bottle.

Teyla came up beside him, reaching for her own bottle. She eyed him with concern. “You have been very distracted this evening, John. Is it something you can resolve before you try to sleep tonight?”

He eyed her uncertainly and huffed out a breath. “I, um… I’m not sure… exactly… what to do.”

“If you will tell me a little of the situation, I would be honoured to give you counsel.”

John smiled at that, this was the essence of Teyla, always willing to help. But then his expression morphed into uncertainty and his hand slid in behind his neck, rubbing lightly. “It’s just… I saw something today and it… well, it sort of… upset me a bit. I think I’ve rationalised it, but… there’s this question… in my mind…” His voice trailed away, not wanting to share too many details.

Teyla nodded. “Then I suggest you speak directly to the source, John. And remember, people from different cultures may act in ways that seem harmless to them, but unusual to you. It is well to keep in mind that something that you have found distressing may have a very reasonable explanation.”

John’s eyes had flicked to hers in consternation. Did she know he was talking about Adi? Then his shoulders slumped. Of course she did. Teyla was prescient in all things. “I’ll go talk to her now, then,” he said, admitting defeat.

Teyla smiled warmly. “Take her to see the new garden, John. She’s looking forward to that.”

John nodded and headed to his room for a shower.

Half an hour later he walked into the mess. He wasn’t sure Adi would be here, but it was a good place to start. Glancing around though, he couldn’t see her anywhere, so he turned on his heel and walked back to the transporter. Where else might she be? It was still early, he didn’t think she’d be on the pier, but maybe her forest balcony.

The doors to the balcony slid silently open and he saw her lying on her tummy on the ground, a child’s picture book open in front of her, a small lamp lighting the pages. Her lips were moving and he realised she was matching the pictures to the way the words were spelled. She was trying so hard to learn written English.

He cleared his throat, and she glanced up immediately, awareness flooding her expression. Then her shoulders lost their tension and a huge smile lit her face. “John, were you seeking me?” She sat up, switching off the lamp, and gazed at him.

John took a bracing breath and walked across to her. “I was. I wondered if you’d like to come and see the new garden? It’s all finished.”

Adi laughed softly, and got to her feet. “I heard. The mess was all abuzz with the news. However, the marines have made me promise that I will not go until tomorrow morning, when they are available to accompany me and see my reaction. I gave them my word, John, so I cannot come with you now. I am sorry.”

John nodded, disappointed that his plan had fallen through. “Well, would you like to learn how to use the gym equipment then? I can show you how to set up the machines.”

Adi grimaced. “My shoulders and arms are very sore from the Ninja course today. I had a hot shower, but the tenderness remains. I do not think I will be able to do any more exercise this evening, or maybe for many days, until the soreness has passed.”

“I was pretty impressed that you managed to complete the whole course. I’m not surprised you’re sore.”

“I could not have done so without Major Lorne’s assistance. He guided me the entire way. I hope you were not upset with him for leaving his duties to help me.”

John averted his gaze. “No, of course not. It’s fine.” When he lifted his eyes again, Adi was watching him closely.

“Something troubles you, John,” Adi said softly. “It was troubling you in the Ninja Room, too.” She was looking earnestly at him now, as if trying to discern what was going on inside him.

John huffed out a breath. This was the opening he’d been looking for, now he just had to say it. “Yeah… I… The thing is… I…” He stuttered to a stop, his hand rising once again to rub over the back of his neck. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself that Adi had never judged him for anything he’d said to her, she just accepted whatever he said at face value. So, gathering his emotional courage, he went on. “Adi, you call me ‘John’ when we’re alone, but ‘Colonel’ when there’s other people around. And I… in the Ninja room, I… I was there for a while… watching you… with Lorne. And… Adi, you called him ‘Evan’… but then, when you realised I was there, you… you called him by his rank.” Having managed to get that out, he suddenly turned and crossed to the balcony railing, gripping it tightly, and staring out into the night.

Adi came up beside him, leaning against the railing and gazing at him. “This is true, John. And clearly it distresses you, but I do not understand why.”

“I… I don’t… I… why did you do that? Is it… is it because…?” He shook his head, unable to verbalise his fears.

Adi’s hand appeared on his arm, touching lightly. “Evan has invited me to use his personal name, but I did not know if it was appropriate to do so in front of others. I have never heard anyone else do so, so when you came into the room, I did not wish to embarrass him.”

“And so, when you… when you do that… with me…?” His eyes met hers for a moment, and then flickered away.

“You have also invited me to use your personal name, and I have heard others do so – Dr Weir, Teyla – but I have believed that you wish our… friendship… to remain private, and so I do not use your personal name where others can hear, as I do not wish to highlight that I have been gifted the right to do so.”

John let out a long, long breath. “So it was for different reasons?” he asked, turning to look at her, holding her eyes with his own.

“Yes.” Adi looked at John, wondering exactly what had prompted the question. “Is it appropriate for me to refer to Evan by his personal name when we are in public? I do not know all of your rules. Corporal Smithers has also offered me the use of his personal name, but again, I only use it when we are alone.”

John felt his spirit grow lighter. Teyla had been right. This was just a cultural misunderstanding. Nothing more. “Yeah, you can. If someone says you can call them by their first name, you can do that whenever you like.”

“So you would be comfortable for me to call you John in front of others? In the mess with your team, in a meeting with Dr Weir?”

John’s face shuttered immediately, and Adi nodded, smiling reassuringly and squeezing his arm. “I shall not do so, John. It is clear that you wish to retain the privacy of our interactions.”

“I’m sorry,” John said softly, the sudden fear of exposure that had gripped him with Adi’s question leaving him feeling slightly light-headed.

“You need not be. I have felt this was so, and now I know for certain.” She dropped her hand, wincing slightly as the movement pulled on her sore arm and shoulder.

John turned against the balcony railing. “You know, you need to get someone to give you a massage.”

Adi eyed him uncertainly. “I have seen Paul, the nurse in the infirmary, offering this to some of the marines, but I do not believe I would enjoy the experience.”

“Well, yeah, it might hurt a bit, because of having to loosen off the muscles, but you’ll feel better afterwards.”

“I was not concerned about the pain, John. The marine I saw was lying on a bed, half-naked, and Paul was rubbing his hands all over his back and shoulders. I do not believe I would feel comfortable in such a situation. To have someone behind me when I am vulnerable… touching me in such intimacy. They could easily pin me to the table, and…” she shuddered. “No. Hopefully the muscles will simply loosen by themselves.”

John considered her for a moment. She looked very uncomfortable, both physically from the pain in her shoulders, and emotionally at the thought of being trapped, assaulted. He tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth, then tentatively suggested, “I—I could, maybe, give you a—a massage… if you want. Unless... unless that’d still make you… uncomfortable… ‘cos I’d be behind you.”

Adi’s face broke out into a wide smile. “You could do this, John? Oh, that would be very welcome. I do not feel that I would cope with someone I do not know well being in a position of control over me. But I trust you, John. I know you will not seek to hurt me, or make me do something I do not wish to do. Can we do this now? I am very sore.”

John nodded, a little bemused. He hadn’t expected her to accept his offer, or to do so with such enthusiasm.

Adi gathered up her book and the lamp and led the way off the balcony and they headed for John’s room as he had a small bottle of Almond Oil in his quarters. Jeannie had sent it to Rodney, but when he’d rejected it with horror, muttering dire things about the influence of the English Major, John had scooped it up.

Within ten minutes, Adi was lying face down on John’s bed, her shoes, top and bra folded neatly on the desk.

John poured a little of the oil into his hand, reflecting that Adi had shown no fear whatsoever, from the moment he’d said he could give her the massage. Her trust in him was complete, and he felt the last little kernel of doubt over her behaviour with Evan unravel and disappear.

He leaned over and rubbed the oil across her shoulders and then knelt beside the bed and started trying to massage the muscles. But the angle was quite difficult. After a minute of this he realised why masseuses had narrow tables at just the right height.

He leaned back on his heels. “Adi, I think… I think this would be easier if I actually… straddle your body, sort of… sit on you, while I’m reaching up to rub your shoulders. Would—would that be okay? You can tell me to get off and I will.”

Adi’s eyes had opened while he talked and she considered his words. This was John, and she trusted John, but… “I am unsure how I will react. Could you… could you go slowly? Just be ready, in case it is too much, or triggers unwanted memories?”

“Yeah, sure. But… is it okay to try? I don’t want to freak you out.”

Adi took a deep breath and smiled, a little tremulously. “I would like to try. Your hands on my skin feel wonderful, John, and if the angle will be easier for you from behind, rather than from the side, then I would like you to try. I just… I am unsure…”

“Okay, I get it. I’ll go slowly, let you know where I am.” He carefully got to his feet, hands outstretched as they were covered in oil, and climbed awkwardly onto the bed. “I’m going to put one foot on either side of your thighs now,” he said, and did so. Adi stayed quiescent. “And now I’m going to kneel down, so my knees are to either side of your hips.” Adi quivered, but that was all the reaction. “Are you okay, Adi?”

“Yes. What is next?” Her voice was a little strained.

“I’m going to put my hands back on your shoulders, which means I’ll be leaning forward a little and you’ll feel a little pressure from my body, lower down.”

Adi nodded, and John slowly reached forward and placed his hands on her shoulders. She twitched, but that was it, and John let out the breath he’d been holding. “Is this okay? You’re really tense.”

“I would like to hear your voice, John. Can you talk or sing, while you are massaging me? It will help me to know that it is you, there, on top of me.”

John could hear the tension in her voice and reflected that this was probably one of his worse ideas, ever. “Sure. But do you want me to just get off?”

“No. I know you will not hurt me. I just… please, keep talking while you massage me.”

And so John did. He spoke of the garden and the general news of Atlantis, and the book he’d been reading. After a while he ran out of things to say, so he started to sing Johnnie Cash songs. His voice was tuneful and low, and he knew a great many songs. All the while, his hands were busy, kneading Adi’s shoulders and back, her neck and the tops of her arms. He was very careful never to lift his hand and place it somewhere else, always sliding it to the new location, so Adi would be able to feel the movement and know exactly where he was touching her body. And when he needed more oil, he’d softly tell her so, before lifting his hands off to grab the bottle.

The body beneath him relaxed and he kept going, loosening the muscles, and then just enjoying the feeling of running his hands over the soft, smooth skin of Adi’s back. His body had started to react in inevitable fashion to the sensory input from touching her body so intimately, and he angled his hips a little to ensure Adi stayed unaware of the effect this was having on him.

It was more than an hour later that he drew his hands to a stop, resting them gently on her shoulders. “I’m done, Adi, I’m going to get off now.” There was no response. Adi’s eyes were closed and she was breathing evenly.

John rolled his eyes. She’d fallen asleep. Then he felt a wave of gratification overtake him as he realised how implicitly she must trust him, to let down her guard so completely while he was, essentially, pinning her to the bed. He levered himself carefully off and stood by her side, gazing at her. His movements hadn’t disturbed her at all. It was as if her subconscious knew it was just him, and that was all okay.

Moving across to the bathroom, John washed the oil off his hands and performed his nightly ablutions. He didn’t want to leave her here alone while he walked the city. Tapping his radio, he called the control room. “Chuck, is there anything I should know about?”

“No, Sir. All’s well. No sign of problems anywhere. Hang on a moment.” There was the sound of keys clacking, and then, “The life signs scan shows everyone present and accounted for, and no extras.”

“Thanks, Chuck.” John tapped off his radio, and grabbed a couple of spare blankets from the wardrobe. Adi was asleep on top of his bedding, and he didn’t want to wake her to encourage her to get into the bed. He thought she might leave if she woke up, and he really wanted her to stay. Not looking too closely at the emotions that had prompted that thought, he carefully laid the blankets down over her, then crawled in underneath them and snuggled up to her sleeping form. After a few moments, she snuffled and rolled onto her side, reaching her hands for his body, moving her head onto his shoulder, before settling back down, her breathing even and untroubled.

And John smiled to himself, cradling this precious woman in his arms, and quietly drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

John woke first the next morning, and lay quietly, feeling Adi’s gentle breaths against his neck. He really liked waking up like this, which was weird, as he’d never slept the whole night through with anyone else, except for Nancy of course. And even then, once the sex was over, he’d sort of withdrawn to his own side of the bed to sleep. But this, lying with Adi’s body curled against him, her head resting on his shoulder… he felt contentment suffuse his whole body. This felt… good. It felt… right. He relaxed and snuggled closer.

Then he glanced at his clock. Shit! Ronon would be hammering on his door in five minutes. John slid carefully out of the bed and gathered his clothes. As quietly as possible, he slipped into his running gear, and headed for his door, hoping to be in the hallway before Ronon arrived. He didn’t want him seeing Adi asleep in John’s bed, and assuming they’d… well. It wasn’t like that, and this – having Adi sleeping here with him – it was really personal.

Ronon was coming around the bend in the corridor as John slipped out of his door, and he started towards him, pleased to have achieved his goal.

They ran long and hard – Ronon was in the mood to push himself, his leg all mended and doing well. John had found, since the night that Adi had healed his aura, that he’d had generally more energy, and was able to go a little faster. And that was fortunate, because Ronon really was pushing it today. Finally, Ronon pulled up, and took a long drink of water from his bottle, before upending it over his head. He looked over to where John was following suit. “You’re doing good for an old man, Sheppard,” Ronon said, his eyes glinting with mirth.

John laughed. “Not so old I can’t keep up with you.”

“Prove it,” Ronon said, and launched himself back along the walkway.

John shook his head and set off after him but, extra energy or not, Ronon was nearly half his age, and John eventually slowed his pace, letting Ronon’s form dwindle in the distance until he was alone with his thoughts. It was going to be a good day. Today, Lorne and he were planning to trial the new Ancient warship the Genii had unintentionally gifted them. Rodney and his team had completed all the necessary repairs, and everything was – apparently – in working order.

John jogged his way back to his room, wondering if Adi would still be there. But she wasn’t. The bed was empty, the blankets folded neatly on the end, and both Adi and her clothes had disappeared. That was good. It meant no awkward conversations, at least.

As John was selecting foods for breakfast, the noise in the mess suddenly increased, and turning, he realised the morning hug-in had begun. He started to make his way across to his team’s table, using his tray as a shield to prevent anyone getting the idea they could hug him.

He was threading his way through the crowds when he saw Adi turn from hugging Corporal Smithers to face Evan. She moved into Evan’s body with the same degree of comfort she’d always shown John, resting her head against his shoulder and snuggling in close. Evan, for his part, was returning the embrace wholeheartedly, and John found himself counting the seconds, frozen where he stood. Twelve. The hug lasted for twelve seconds, and then they were pulling apart, and John’s feet started forward again. He placed the tray on his table and was turning to pull out the chair when Adi appeared in front of him.

“Good morning, Colonel. Would you like a hug?” She was smiling happily, and John nodded – he’d decided long ago that declining the offer of a hug from Adi would draw more attention to them than accepting the hug. She stepped into his personal space, sliding her arms around him and holding him close. John’s arms rose of their own volition and cradled her against him. His mind was counting seconds. Five… ten… fifteen. At eighteen seconds Adi’s arms loosened, and she pulled back, smiling beatifically, and moved away. John sat and watched her making her gentle way through the scientists, lightly hugging here and there (three seconds per hug, not that he was counting or anything), and then she was lining up to select her breakfast.

John’s team reappeared at the table and Ronon hefted him from his chair to deliver his trademark bear hug, ribbing him for falling behind on their run. John laughed and joined in the good-natured joking. Teyla leaned over and gave him her Athosian greeting, and they all began eating. Then Teyla turned to Rodney. “I noticed that you shared a warm embrace with Dr Rowen this morning. I gather things are well between you.”

Rodney flushed and smiled shyly. It was an unfamiliar look for him, and John thought it made him look younger. “Yes, I don’t seem to have stuffed anything up, yet.”

Teyla immediately started making supportive comments, and John took it as read that Rodney had successfully unmired himself from the whole not-staying-while-your-girlfriend-was-crying thing.

And then Sergeant Stackhouse approached the table, and John raised his eyebrows, silently asking what was up. “The marines would like to muster on the pier, Sir, to show Adi the new garden.”

John nodded. “Now?”

“Yes, Sir. In ten minutes.”

“Go right ahead. I’ll join you all there.”

Stackhouse turned and called out, “Request approved”, and there was a wave of motion across the mess as everyone stood and began to make their way out.

John tapped his radio and informed Elizabeth of the plan, swallowed the last bite of his toast, and rose, following the hordes out the doors and down to the transporter. He could see Adi up ahead, marines all around her, but none touching her. As he waited for the transporter to be available, he reflected on how easily the marines had accepted Adi, how welcoming they’d been, and how rigidly they followed the no-touching rule.

He emerged onto the pier and wove his way through his troops to the front of the group, seeing Adi standing with Sergeant Stackhouse, a wall of marines between her and the garden. She was looking down at the ground, but her posture seemed tense. He came up beside her, clearing his throat so she would know he was there, and she lifted her head to the side, caught his eye and smiled. It was a relieved smile, and the tension dropped from her body in an instant. ‘Fair enough,’ John thought. ‘She’s been asked not to look around, and that means she can’t look for danger even though she’s surrounded by all these men.’ He took a half step closer to her. For all that Adi seemed to be settling into life in Atlantis really well, she still had a fair few hang ups from the abuse she’d suffered at the hands of the Bola Kai. And hyper-awareness of her personal surroundings was high on her list of requirements. John glanced across at Sergeant Stackhouse and realised that he’d been aware Adi was uncomfortable, but hadn’t known how to fix it, given that the marines had been adamant about not letting her see the garden until they were ready. He nodded now at John, gratitude for John’s presence at Adi’s side showing on his face.

And then everyone had arrived and they were ready to start. Dr Weir moved to the front and, using her loudest voice, spoke for a minute or so, outlining the motivation behind the idea, acknowledging the hard work of everyone who had contributed to the garden, and giving thanks for their willingness to be involved in a project that would benefit everyone. And then Sergeant Stackhouse ordered the wall of marines to stand aside, and Adi was invited to take her first look.

The moment she was permitted to, Adi lifted her head and gazed at the glorious creation in front of her. “Oh,” she cried, and took several steps forward. “Oh, it is beautiful.” And in the morning sunshine, it really was. All the flowers were open this morning, and even here, standing on the concrete pier and looking in, it was a very calming sight.

Adi turned to Stackhouse. “May I explore?” But before he could answer, Dr Parrish answered. “You may, but we can’t have a whole lot of people walking on the ground cover yet. Not for another month. So you may pick five people to accompany you.”

Adi turned to look at the crowd behind her. “How can I possibly choose?” Then she spotted Dr Zelenka standing off to the side. “Perhaps those who were responsible for the planning of this garden may come with me to explore it?”

Radek beamed at her and moved to the front. Dr Parrish was already there, and Katie Brown pushed her way through to stand beside him. Teyla had been standing to the side, and now took a step forward, ready to join the group. Adi looked around and counted. There was still one space. She wanted to invite John, but she wasn’t sure he would appreciate her singling him out, so she turned to Stackhouse. “There is one place left, and I think a representative of the marines who put so much effort into the creation of this wonderous place should take that space. Sergeant, will you join us?”

Stackhouse grinned and nodded, and Adi led her group of five into the garden. They roamed here and there, checking out the small groves, the benches, and the large open space around the waterfall. The breeze was light, and the trees were swaying ever so slightly, and Adi took a deep relaxing breath. She closed her eyes and held out her arms to the side, slowly rotating on the spot. Coming to a stop, she opened her eyes and beamed. “It is wonderful. Come, we must tell them how amazing this is.”

When Adi re-emerged from between the trees, silence fell over the pier, every eye on her, watching for her reaction. She turned her head, looking from side to side at all these people, these amazing people who had created this garden for her, for everyone here to enjoy. “I love it,” she called out. “It is a place of wonderous tranquillity, and I shall thoroughly enjoy coming here to re-energise. And I hope all of you will come too, and often, as soon as Dr Parrish says it is allowed. Thank you all for helping to create this nature garden here, in your city, and most especially to Teyla, who had the idea in the first place.” And she beamed at them all as they cheered.

An hour or so later, John walked onto the bridge of his shiny new Ancient warship and glanced around. There were scientists standing at every console, laptops wired in to give them all the details they might need. They mostly had their heads down, doing last-minute checks, and Rodney was bustling around, checking this and that, making sure the warship was ready to go.

John turned to Evan, who had accompanied him. Lorne was grinning in anticipation, and John responded in kind, bouncing lightly on his toes. “I know you’re keen, Major, but remember, the plan is that I’ll take her up and into space, and when she’s cruising happily, I’ll hand her over and we’ll make sure your connection is strong enough to fly her.” Lorne’s ATA gene was the second strongest in the expedition, but still nowhere near the strength of John’s. John was sincerely hoping that he would prove to have sufficient affinity with the tech to fly the ship. If Evan could do it, then next they’d try Carson, and so on, down the list. Some of the ATA positive members of the expedition could barely get the LSDs to work, though, so John knew the list of people capable of handling the flight requirements of a warship would be minimal. And it wasn’t just the flying, it was everything aboard that operated on ATA only, including weapons, shields, and so on.

John took the Captain’s chair and Evan sat on the raised dais next to him, feet on the floor.

“McKay?” John called, attracting Rodney’s attention. “How’s everything looking?”

Rodney bustled over and stood next to him, laptop in hand. “Good. It’s green across the board.”

“So we’re go-for-launch?”

“Yes, yes, we can leave whenever you’re ready. I’ve got scientists and laptops monitoring every system, and Radek’s down in Engineering keeping an eye on things there.”

John nodded and opened a channel to the Atlantis Control Room. “This is the Captain of the Avenger. We are ready to depart.”

“You’re cleared for launch, Colonel,” Banks responded. “Good luck, Sir.”

John brought up the HUD and glanced through the information – first checking the engines then, with a mere thought, bringing up weapon status, followed by life support, hyperdrive… all systems were showing ready, and he relaxed slightly into the chair. “Okay, here we go.”

John closed his eyes to better concentrate, and the warship (McKay had said it was actually an Ancient Cruiser, but ‘warship’ sounded cooler) slowly lifted up from the water in the middle of the pier.

He opened his eyes and thought the ship up, up, and into the sky. A grin made its way across his face. This was so cool! He was flying an Ancient warship with his mind!

As per the agreed testing parameters, John flew a lap of the planet in-atmosphere first, and when Rodney reported that all systems were operating within expected parameters, he glanced at Evan, wiggled his eyebrows with excitement and took the ship up into orbit. They stayed there for around half an hour, checking that everything was working – it was – and then Rodney gave the all-clear to try a hyperspace jump.

They’d decided to make a tiny jump to begin with, just five seconds, which would be enough to bring them near to one of the other planets in the solar system. If that worked, they’d try a longer one.

It worked.

The blue and white streaks of hyperspace registered through the view screen for those few seconds, and then space normal returned. Entry and exit from hyperspace had been smooth, no jerking or anything to suggest a problem, and they were exactly where McKay had expected them to be. Sweet!

John turned to Evan. “Ready to swap?”

Evan eyes lit up. “Definitely.” He was just as excited as Sheppard was. Flying the puddle jumpers was fun, but flying a warship?

Evan took the command chair and John stood beside him, hands on hips, watching as Lorne took some time to familiarise himself with the screens of information on the HUD.

Eventually, Evan spoke. “I’m ready, Sir.”

John felt Evan’s mind start to seek control of the vessel, and he withdrew his own mind, letting the changeover happen.

There was a slight faltering in their flight path as Evan picked up command, but then the ship flew smoothly onwards.

“How does it feel?” John asked.

“Yeah, fine, Sir. No problems.”

“Okay, see if you can establish orbit around the planet.” The planet they’d chosen was uninhabitable, an arid ball of rock, but perfectly suitable for their purposes today. It took a little more effort than Evan had anticipated, but he achieved it, and soon they were in geosynchronous orbit.

“How are you finding it?” John asked, wondering at the level of concentration he’d seen on his XO’s face.

“It’s a bit harder than I’d expected, Sir. She’s responding, but I’m having to concentrate more than I do for the jumpers. Did you find that?”

“Yeah,” John responded, nodding. “It’s definitely not as easy as the jumpers, or the control chair in Atlantis, but she was keen enough to go for me.”

Rodney’s head popped up from the console he was working at. “All the Ancient gizmos roll over for you, Sheppard.”

John rolled his eyes, but his grin didn’t abate. Evan laughed.

“Do you want to try a hyperspace jump?” John asked.

Evan nodded enthusiastically and turned to face forward again. “I’ll just try five seconds, Sir,” he said, and John nodded.

They could see the streaks of light passing through the forward window as the ship flew along. They dropped smoothly out of hyperspace, near an asteroid belt, and Evan moved the ship aside and away from the chunks of rock, pulling her in an arc so that they were not at risk of hitting anything.

“How was that?” John asked. He could see slight tension lines around Lorne’s eyes.

“It’s definitely not as easy as I’m used to. I’ve been spoiled with the jumper interface, Sir.” He laughed, and John smirked.

They trialled various lengths of jump, eventually switching from Evan back to John. Evan was feeling a bit weary. It wasn’t as easy to fly the warship as it was a jumper. Maybe it was just the size of the ship. He said as much, as the Colonel took the pilot’s seat, resuming control of the ship.

Rodney had a different hypothesis. “We think this was one of the first spaceships the Ancients made, a very early model, so it makes sense that the interface isn’t as easy as their later efforts. The cloak was retrofitted in fact. It wasn’t part of the early design. They probably added it after they’d created it for the jumpers. But if it’s proving tiring for you to control, Major, with the strength of your gene, I can see that I’ll probably never be able to fly it,” Rodney finished up sadly. He looked disappointed, but resigned.

“Given how straight you fly the jumpers, that’s probably not a bad thing,” John teased.

With John at the helm, they made a longer jump. Thirty minutes. Aside from having to focus more than he was used to, and needing to be a bit more specific about what he wanted to happen, he really did find it easy. The ship was eager to do as he asked, readily responding to his requests. He hoped he wouldn’t feel the same degree of weariness that Lorne was feeling. Or maybe he would, and they’d just have to get used to it. He metaphorically rubbed his hands together, imagining many voyages in his future to practice flying and build up mental strength.

At precisely thirty minutes, the warship dropped out of hyperspace, and John’s eyes widened in shock as alarms started going off all around the bridge.

Right there in front of them was a Wraith cruiser.

Darts were appearing from underneath the ship, diving down towards the peaceful planet below, and all around him were gasps of horror, as the scientists realised what they were seeing. John instantly cloaked the warship and moved her, under full power, away from the spot where the hyperspace window had deposited them.

Just in time too, because the Wraith cruiser had clearly detected their arrival. Weapons fire streaked towards the spot where they’d been.

There was stunned silence on the bridge. Then Rodney’s voice rose in panic. “We need to leave, Colonel. Now!”

“Will the weapons work while we’re cloaked, McKay?” John asked urgently.

“Well, yes, they’ll fire through the cloak, but then all that hive has to do is point their weapons where ours appeared from, and we’re toast.”

“We have shields and a cloak, though?” John clarified, watching as more and more darts dropped from the belly of the ship in front of them. “And it’s not a hive, it’s only a cruiser.”

“Oh! It’s only a cruiser?”

John cut him off before he could launch into a rant. “Rodney! They’re culling the humans on that planet. Do we have the fire power to destroy that cruiser or not?”

Rodney glanced away, down at his laptop. Then he quickly crossed to the weapons console, pushing the scientist who was standing there away, and stared at the information on the screen. “Yes, probably. But try to move around a bit so we don’t get hit. We don’t know how effective the shields are yet.”

“Well, let’s find out,” John said, and brought the Ancient warship to bear on the Wraith cruiser. He considered where was best to hit the ship, and then launched the drones. He didn’t think he could manage more than four at a time, as well as controlling the warship, so he launched his four, directing two towards the middle of the cruiser, and the others to either end.

As soon as they were away, he moved the warship to the side and up, hoping the cruiser would be unable to locate them with return fire.

The drones struck, exploding on contact, and a huge hole appeared on the side of the Wraith cruiser, with a couple of smaller holes to each end. The cruiser started to return fire again, but they were aiming at empty space where the warship had been, and nothing hit them.

John turned to Evan. “You fire too, Lorne. Try and strike her centre and aft. I’ll take centre and fore.”

Evan nodded, and focussed his thoughts. Suddenly four more drones launched, heading for the Cruiser, and a moment later, another four launched at John’s mental command. Then John was moving the ship across and down, trying to provide a chaotic movement pattern to avoid the Wraith working out where they were. He was only just in time. The Wraith weapons missed them by a hair’s breadth.

Evan fired again, and with sixteen drones in total having impacted the cruiser, it started to lose orbit.

The darts were coming at them now though, recalled to face this danger, and Rodney, his voice sounding stressed, called out, “Sheppard, I really think we should get out of here now. There’s thirty darts inbound for our position.”

The cruiser was definitely crippled and heading for a fiery death, burning up on re-entry. But John couldn’t leave now, not while the Wraith in those darts were still alive. They’d just land and feed off the population directly.

He caught Evan’s eye. “Major, you take the darts on that side, I’ll do this side.” Evan acknowledged the order, and within seconds, drones were flying towards the darts, and the little ships were exploding, one after another.

John tried to fire his drones and move the warship around, but the ship wasn’t as easy to control with only part of his mind focussing on it, and it was really too mentally challenging to focus on both actions, so the darts located them, even cloaked as they were, and their attack was vicious.

But within another two minutes, all thirty of the darts had been destroyed and the space around them was littered with debris.

The scientists started to cheer, and John’s eyes met Evan, a grin lighting his face. “We just destroyed a Wraith Cruiser, Major, and all its darts,” he said giddily.

Evan was grinning too, beaming from ear to ear with exhilaration and adrenaline, and John had the urge to haul him into a congratulatory hug… He stopped himself, but it was a near thing. And then Rodney was in his space, thrusting his laptop where John could see it.

“Which part of ‘let’s run away now’ did you not understand, Sheppard? Shields are down to eighty five percent, and we’ve taken damage to the forward hull.”

“Is the damage contained?”

“Um, yes, it seems to be. I won’t know for sure until we go and actually look.”

“Is it safe to enter hyperspace without checking right now?”

“Yes, it should be.” Rodney was consulting with various scientists and screens. “Yes. We can enter hyperspace.”

“Good. I don’t want to linger here, in case that cruiser’s hive comes to look for it. I don’t know that we can take on a hive.”

Rodney erupted at that comment, his acerbic-o-meter at one hundred percent, but John tuned him out and closed his eyes, creating a hyperspace window and directing their passage back to Atlantis.

An hour later, they exited hyperspace in the exact spot John had intended, and he approached the planet and commenced re-entry. He brought the ship down through the atmosphere, and within minutes they were landing on the open water in the middle of the west pier, soft as a leaf kissing the surface of a pond.

John let out a long, happy sigh. “Well, that was fun.”

Rodney wasn’t going to let that one go. “Fun for you perhaps. I, on the other hand, have a healthy appreciation for staying alive.”

“You are alive, Rodney, and so are the people on that planet.”

Rodney huffed, but looked a little mollified. “Right, well, I’ll go and check the damage that you caused with your reckless actions,” and he gathered his scientists with a swirl of his hand and led them off the bridge and into the guts of the ship.

John turned to Evan as the scientists disappeared. “I can’t believe we just destroyed a Wraith cruiser. That was awesome!” His grin was euphoric. It had all happened so suddenly and unexpectedly.

Evan was grinning too, and suddenly John held up his hand for a hi-five. Evan’s hand enthusiastically met his, and they both laughed.

But John could see the lines of weariness around Lorne’s eyes as the laugh wound down. “How are you feeling?”

“Just a bit tired, Sir. How about you?”

John averted his gaze. “I’m fine.”

“Hmm. I’m actually quite fluent in Sheppard-speak, Sir, and that answer means we should probably both go to the infirmary.”

John rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “It’s nothing, Lorne. You get checked out. I’ll be fine.”

“Yes, Sir. I’m sure that’s exactly what Dr Beckett’s scan will show.” When John continued to sit with his gaze averted, Evan continued. “You know he’s going to want to check us out, Sir. Flying an Ancient Warship for the first time? And under battle conditions? This is what he lives for. Come on.”

John sighed, stood and turned for the doorway. “You know, for some reason, I thought I was your superior officer, Major. It seems I had that back to front.”

Evan laughed. “Not at all, Sir. It’s the job of the XO to ensure his CO is taking appropriate care of his health.” He trailed after John as they made their way off the ship, bound for the infirmary.

By the time John and Evan had been released from the infirmary, Rodney had radioed to say he’d done his visual inspection of the damage caused to the Avenger and was on his way to join the debrief with Elizabeth.

John quite liked the name of the ship. One of Rodney’s people had found it in the Log, and it appealed to him, so he’d decided to keep it. And really, flying a warship through space, using just the power of his mind, sort of made him feel like one of the Avengers. His step was light-hearted as they made their way to the conference room.

Elizabeth was sitting at the conference table with Teyla and Ronon, when John and Evan arrived. “What did Carson have to say?” she asked as soon as they were seated.

“He scanned us and said everything’s fine. He reckons the weariness is just from using our minds a lot more than we usually do. Of course, he mostly meant Lorne when he said that.” John smirked and tipped his chair back, so it was standing on two legs.

Rodney appeared at that moment, laptop in hand, and his litany of disaster overpowered Dr Weir’s next question. She frowned at him, but he just kept right on going.

“—hole the size of a truck! Why you thought going into battle with no knowledge of the shielding capabilities—”

“Battle?” Elizabeth exclaimed, cutting Rodney off. She leant forward, clasping her hands in front of her, her expression startled. “What battle? You were just meant to be running some tests to check that the ship was space worthy.”

All eyes turned to John, who looked a little sheepish. “Well, we were. But we dropped out of hyperspace into the middle of a culling, so what else could we do? And the ship performed brilliantly, Elizabeth. We took out a Wraith Cruiser and thirty darts.” He beamed at her, clearly proud as punch at the achievement.

Elizabeth’s jaw dropped. “Was there no option to withdraw? Were you cloaked at least? Did they fire on you? Was anyone hurt?”

“I did cloak the ship, and you can fire the drones when cloaked, so that worked just fine. And we had a shield. No-one was hurt. And we stopped the culling, Elizabeth. We could have withdrawn and left the Wraith to it, but then all those people would have been culled.”

Elizabeth stared at him, then took a calming breath and visibly relaxed her stance. “Please start at the beginning, and tell the entire story from the moment of lift off.”

So they did. John started, Evan added bits here and there, and Rodney interpolated a mix of information and acerbic commentary on John’s predilection to throw himself into danger at any opportunity. When they were done, Elizabeth sat back.

“So, to sum up, it seems that our Ancient warship has lived up to its name; a planet of people were saved from culling, and Rodney feels that the ship is repairable, so we haven’t lost our new asset on her first voyage.” She paused and looked directly at John, holding his eyes. “But I am concerned at your reckless decision to proceed with the attack with so many civilians aboard, Colonel.”

John sighed. “There’ll be that many civilians on board every time we fly. We need science staff aboard in case something needs to be fixed, or we need additional readings, or something. There’s always going to be civilians aboard, and we destroyed a Wraith cruiser and thirty darts, Elizabeth, before they’d culled anyone.” He gave her his puppy dog eyes look and she capitulated.

“Oh, fine. So, we have a warship, and you and Major Lorne can obviously both fly it. What about backup pilots?”

“We’ll try Carson next, and work down the list.” John glanced over at Evan. “I actually think the logistics of flying a warship of that size might mean we’re restricted to personnel with a military mindset though, and preferably pilots. It was harder to control than the jumpers, and a hell of a lot bigger, with a lot more people at risk if you screw it up.” He paused for a moment, considering. “We’ll try Carson and maybe Rodney, then we can work our way down the ATA list in order of gene strength. I don’t know that we’re going to end up with more than just Lorne and I.”

Elizabeth nodded, and the meeting broke up.

John, Evan and Rodney headed down to the ship itself to take a look at the damage. It wasn’t too bad, all up. Several of the darts had targeted one particular spot on the hull, causing the shield to weaken in that area, and a hole had been blasted through the hull – but it wasn’t as big as a truck. It opened into a sealed area and therefore there had been no danger to the craft as a whole. Dr Zelenka and a small team of engineers were already at work, fixing the damage, and he assured them that the ship would be ready for flight again within a few days at most.

John bounced on the balls of his feet, anticipating another space flight in his very own warship. He caught Evan’s gaze and grinned at him, and they headed off the ship and back to the city and their neglected duties. Flying the warship again would have to wait – they had a farm to set up.

Chapter Text

The next three days were spent on Capeliga, getting everything sorted and ready to start food production for the city. Dr Zelenka had completed the gate alarm and, with the gate device and control unit in hand, he accompanied John and his team, and a great many marines, to the planet, and installed it.

As soon as it was in place, John had dialled Atlantis to inform them to make the first trial. And as soon as Atlantis had dialled them back, the gate alert had sounded an alarm through his earwig radio, which cut out after a few seconds as Chuck’s voice spoke. Looking around the clearing, John had seen all the marines nodding to show they’d heard the alarm, and a moment later, the marine stationed in the village for this test had radioed to say that the central alarm had also sounded from the device set there, and had cut out when Chuck had started to speak. John had grinned wildly, slapped Radek on the back, and sent him home.

Capeliga was safe – or as safe as they could make it, anyway.

Adi had also been asked to join the mission as she was an invaluable source of information about the way in which her community had worked the land and husbanded the animals. She had spent that first day happily teaching and describing and showing. She’d even taught the call of the impilli to several of the marines, but asked that they limit the use of the call to times when they were available to pat and scratch the animals, or take a little milk, or when they wished to hunt and were calling them to safety.

When John had asked Adi to come to Capeliga, she’d been happy to do so, but now, as the sun was starting to set and the evening meal was cooking over the fire, she glanced around at the number of marines and began to feel uncomfortable. The plan was that everyone would bunk down in one of the cottages in the heart of the village. But that would mean Adi had to sleep in a room with a great many people she knew only in passing.

Eventually, as the marines were washing up the dishes after dinner, she found her way to John’s side. “Colonel Sheppard, may I please speak with you in private?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” John replied, handing Rodney the sleeping bag he’d been laying out and following Adi outside.

She led him away from the village and across the river, well out of hearing of any of the Lanteans, and then came to a stop, and turned, gazing at him and biting her bottom lip.

“Adi? What’s wrong?”

Adi took a deep breath and let it all back out at once. “John, I do not believe that I can sleep in that room with all those men.” Her voice shook a little, and John stared at her in consternation. He and Lorne had discussed this, months ago, when Adi had first attacked John. Lorne had said then that she shouldn’t ever have overnight missions outside of Atlantis, because she’d be unable to sleep, or if she did, anyone coming close would be at risk. But John had just assumed, because he’d be in the room too, that she’d be okay with it.

“I’ll be there too, Adi,” he said now, parroting his own thoughts. “You won’t be alone in a room of men.”

She wrapped her arms around her middle. “But you will not be sleeping with me wrapped in your arms, John, will you? Or even nearby? I had imagined you would sleep as far away from me as you can, so that your men see no connection between us.”

An uncomfortable feeling lodged itself in the pit of John’s stomach at that comment. Adi had never complained of his desire to keep their interactions private, but even though her tone hadn’t been accusatory in any way, he still felt as if he’d made her his dirty little secret. He glanced away. “I… look, Adi, I…”

She sniffed. “I am sorry, John. I did not mean to distress you. I do understand your position. It is just that I am feeling very uncomfortable and very scared, and I do not wish to sleep in that room.”

“Okay, I get that. So what’s your solution?”

She looked at him for a moment, and then her shoulders slumped. “I do not think I could even sleep comfortably in my own cabin. I think I will have to return to Atlantis.”

John ran his hand over the back of his neck as he gazed at the ground and considered. “Adi… what if we leave the marines in that house, and just my team share the next house along with you? You could sleep in between me and Ronon. And only Rodney and Teyla would be there aside from we three. Would that work for you? Or would you rather just go?”

She was silent, obviously considering this option.

“The marines’ll understand, Adi. There’ll be no hard feelings.”

Adi nodded her understanding of that. “I appreciate your suggestion, but I am unsure how I would react if Ronon were to touch me in the night, John. What you are proposing is that we all sleep in our own space, but together in the same room. I… if he were to roll towards me and touch me in his sleep, I think I would perceive it as an attack. I do not think it would end well.” She shook her head sadly, her eyes on the ground at her feet.

John couldn’t help himself, he had to ask. “What if I rolled towards you and touched you while you were sleeping? Would that be an attack too?”

Adi shook her head, a soft smile lurking around her lips. “I think I would recognise you anywhere, John.” Her eyes lifted and caught his. “Your soul calls to mine.”

John stared at her, dumbfounded by that admission. If he’d wondered where her affections lay, he now had the answer. But he still couldn’t bring himself to speak of the emotions welling up inside him. Instead, he addressed the logistics of the situation. “Well, what if you sleep against the wall, and we line up beside you. So you’d have a wall on one side, then me, then Ronon, then Rodney, then Teyla. So the only one at risk of touching you is me?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to expose even this much of his… friendship with Adi to his team, but he knew he didn’t want her to leave, to go back to Atlantis alone.

Adi was nodding slowly. “I think I could do that. But… John, I do not want you to do anything you are not comfortable with. Will this not raise questions in the minds of your team that you would rather keep quiet?”

“They’re my team. I trust them.”

Adi nodded, a small smile lighting her face. “Very well then. If this is acceptable to you, then I should like to try it. I do not want to have to admit defeat and return to Atlantis. This was my home, and I want to feel safe here.”

They were a long way from the rest of the Atlantis personnel, alone in the silence of the forest, on the far side of the river with moonlight filtering through the overhead canopy. There was no-one to see them, and John took a step forward, then another, and drew Adi, unresisting, into his arms. He cradled her closely, wanting her to feel safe too.

She lay her head against his heart, as she always did, and sank into his body. God, he loved how this felt. It was as if Adi were handing herself to him, heart and soul, no questions asked. She seemed to just let down all her defences and trust him to hold her, to keep her safe. He kissed her softly on the top of the head, and she tightened her arms a little, before releasing him and stepping away.

“Thank you,” she said softly, then slipped past him and led the way back to the heart of her village.

The change of sleeping arrangements was accepted easily by everyone except Rodney. “But I’ve just finished laying out my sleeping bag – and yours Sheppard, since you chose to disappear and leave it with me. I don’t want to have to pick everything back up off the ground. You know I have a bad back…” He trailed off as he realised Teyla and Ronon were both giving him evil looks. “What?”

“Adi needs to feel safe in order to sleep, Rodney,” Teyla said evenly. “It is a mark of her trust in us that she has chosen to share a cottage with us.”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay. I guess.” Rodney bent down, and started to gather up his laptop and gadgets, sleeping bag, pillow, torch, backpack… he’d brought several home comforts with him, since this was not a real off-world mission. Ronon stalked over and divested him of over half his gear, silently disappearing out the door, and Rodney picked up the rest and followed him.

John looked around the cottage, noting how spacious the interior was. Even with fifteen sleeping bags laid out, there was still room for more people. He wondered how many people had been in Adi’s village. How many people she’d lost on this planet.

“Lights out in ten minutes everyone,” he called out, and heard a chorus of “Yes, sirs” from his marines. He left them to it, and made his way over to the cottage Adi had chosen for them to sleep in. The floor here, as in the other cottage, was littered with soft mat-like things – clearly where her people had slept – and Adi had pulled a few of them into a row leading up to the far wall. Four sleeping bags were laid out, but the one closest to the wall had no bag.

John glanced around and saw Adi rummaging in a cupboard. She turned to the room, her arms filled with soft looking blankets. She caught John’s eye on her and smiled at him, a little tremulously. “I do not believe I will enjoy the experience of sleeping in one of these zip-up bags, Colonel. I did try it, but it felt very restrictive. I should prefer to sleep with loose coverings.”

John nodded, adding another mental note to his list of Adi’s needs. He helped her lay out the blankets, running his hands over the soft fur. “Adi, what are these made from?”

“On the far side of the hills there is a large herd of animals that grow thick coats for winter, and shed them in the late spring. My people send – sent – a delegation every year to gather the wool from the trees, and we spin it and weave this bedding. It is very soft, and a delight against the skin.”

John could well imagine. He ran his hand over the blanket again, his hand relishing the feel. “Would you be comfortable if we were to gather this wool, and use it to create blankets for Atlantis?”

Adi smiled at him. “Of course, Colonel. I have joined this trek on three occasions, so I know the way. It is a long walk, three days or so each way. But the wool is very easy to collect as the animals scratch it off against the tree trunks, and so we just walk around and pluck it free.”

Teyla had joined them. “Were your people able to spin and weave the wool here, Adi? I have seen no spinning wheels or looms.”

Adi’s smile fell away. “We did do so, Teyla, however the crafting was done in one of the houses that has been destroyed.” She turned to John. “Perhaps the marine who so cleverly created the tubs for the trees in the new garden on Atlantis would have the skills to make a new spinning wheel and loom. I could easily show him what is needed.”

John nodded. “Sure. He seemed to be an eager carpenter. We can ask him tomorrow. It’s bedtime now.”

Ronon was already lying down, and only Rodney’s nose and eyes were showing above the top of his sleeping bag. His voice was muffled as he spoke. “Adi, are there any more of those blankets? Just in case I get cold?”

Adi crossed to him, carrying a blanket and laid it down over the top of his sleeping bag. “There are many blankets, Rodney. My people shared them with whomever they were sleeping with, but there were always spares in case more people joined a sleep huddle during the night. None of my people ever went cold.”

Rodney’s eyes grew round at the reminder of all the orgies that had taken place inside this cottage, but he didn’t say anything, and Adi returned to her bed against the wall, laying out her blankets. She slipped off her shoes and slid in underneath, making herself comfortable.

Teyla turned out the lantern, and darkness overtook the cottage, the moonlight coming in softly through the windows.

Adi sighed. She had slept in this cottage many, many times. But it all felt different now. The beautiful people who had loved and embraced her, who had known her all her life, they were all gone now, and she was the only one left. The only one who remembered anything of their culture, their sense of community, the warmth of camaraderie they had shared. She sniffed as a tear escaped.

There were shufflings in the dark that bespoke Ronon and Teyla getting comfortable. John was already in his sleeping bag, his back to the others, his eyes open and gazing at her, glinting slightly in the moonlight. He silently reached out his hand and Adi slipped her own from beneath the blankets, and they lay there, hands entwined, as everyone settled.

An hour passed… but Adi was still awake. She just couldn’t relax enough to fall sleep. The even breathing of her four companions came easily to her ears and she released John’s hand and shifted restlessly beneath her blankets, rolling onto her back. This was ridiculous. It should be easy for her to sleep here, in her own home, with only these friends, these people she trusted about her. But memories of the Wraith culling her people, the Bola Kai slaughtering the survivors, kept running through her mind, and she sniffed again, moving a little beneath her blankets. There was movement to her right and she turned her head. John’s eyes were open, his hand silently beckoning her to come.

Pulling her blankets with her, Adi slid across to John’s side. He had unzipped his sleeping bag, folding back the top so that he was lying exposed, and together they pulled Adi’s blankets across them both. Adi took up her accustomed position against John’s side, her head on his shoulder, his arms about her, and finally relaxed into sleep.

John woke in the softness of pre-dawn. His years in the military had taught him the skill of setting an internal alarm clock, and last night, when he’d roused to discover Adi awake and unsettled and had called her to him so that she might sleep, he’d made sure to tell his mind to wake him early, before any of his companions might start to stir.

He lay for a moment, just enjoying the sensation of Adi’s soft, warm body, snuggling so trustingly against him. He was half-hard again this morning, as he had been so many mornings when he woken with Adi in his arms. Fortunately, the way she snuggled into him meant that she wasn’t at risk of discovering his state. He wasn’t sure how she’d react if she did realise that his body responded to her closeness.

The others would be stirring soon and he wasn’t ready for them to find him and Adi like this, to see them lying entwined together beneath Adi’s blankets. He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, preparing himself for the loss of her warmth. Leaning his head forward, he gently kissed the side of her head, then slid his mouth up against her ear. “Adi,” he breathed out softly, and she breathed deeply and snuggled a little closer. “Adi,” he tried again, slowly moving his hand in gentle circles on her back. He’d only once before tried to wake her, and it had taken a little effort. She snorted a little and her body jerked, eyes flying open. Then she saw him, or felt him, or smelt him perhaps, and her body relaxed.

Pulling her head back a little, she gazed into his eyes. He smiled and she returned the gesture. Then her eyes grew wider and she tensed again, then sighed, and started to shuffle backwards, pulling her blankets with her. Once she was a suitable distance from his body, John got up. It was almost dawn now anyway, and he didn’t want to risk the noise of his sleeping bag zipper waking anyone, if he closed himself back into the bag. He slipped out of the cottage and wandered behind the village a little way, taking a leak, while he breathed the fresh, crisp air. This really was a beautiful place.

By the time he got back, Ronon was up and Teyla was stirring. He crossed to the cottage where his marines had slept, and found them also waking, sitting up, rolling up sleeping bags. He left them to it and returned to do the same himself. Teyla was talking softly to Adi as he re-entered the cottage, and Adi was up and folding her blankets, stowing them back in the cupboard. Those blankets had felt amazing against his skin last night. He really wanted to get onto this gathering wool thing Adi had mentioned.

One of the marines had lit the central fire pit, and breakfast preparations were underway. John joined them, eager to get the day started. This was his idea, his project, and he was very keen for it to succeed. Today they were going to plant a crop of vegetables that Adi said was planted in summer and harvested in the autumn. It sounded like some sort of pumpkin crossed with a zucchini. Something that grew along the ground anyway, with the vegetables sprouting off the vines and growing all over. She’d showed them the shed containing all the seeds and root stock for such plantings yesterday, all sorts of things that her people planted and grew.

Over breakfast, John raised the prospect of building a loom and spinning wheel with Corporal Walliston. He was enthusiastic, but suggested that maybe something had survived in the rubble of the house, and so John set three of the marines to hunting through the devastation to see if anything could be salvaged.

The rest of the marines headed for the fields. They took to planting with an enthusiasm that barely waned as the morning progressed. By lunchtime it was done, and Adi spent the afternoon amongst the pethri, trying to explain how to keep track of the nests, the eggs, the babies, and the birds that were past laying and could be eaten.

This, however, presented the first real stumbling block to the farming venture. For Adi, raised to walk amongst the pethri from her earliest memories, knowing where the nests were and recognising immediately that this was the same nest that had been laid the preceding day, came as easily as breathing. For the Lanteans however, it seemed that the forest full of nests – two or three hundred of them, scattered about, hiding under bushes or in sheltered nooks – was a maze they were unable to keep track of.

Adi’s shoulders slumped as she realised that her explanations weren’t working. She looked about her, easily spotting the hidden nests here and there, and wondering how else she could impart her knowledge, so that the eggs taken would be fresh, the birds chosen for the table were, indeed, past breeding.

Rodney had been following Adi’s explanations, but there were simply too many nests to keep track of. Especially with the constant rotation of troops through the site. “We’ll make a map,” he said. “We’ll map the nests, and Miko can write a program that’ll help keep track of everything. All the marines will need to do is walk through here, laptop in hand, and enter what they’re seeing.”

John nodded. “That sounds like a good solution. I’m very keen to work with nature here, but I don’t want to miss out on the chance of eggs and cooked pethri simply because we can’t keep track of what we can safely take without disrupting the ecosystem.”

“The pethri are very tasty, Colonel. I believe all of your people will enjoy the flavour. It tastes similar, perhaps, to your turkey.”

John’s eyes lit up and he turned to Rodney. “How soon can we get that map done? The program written?”

“I can get Miko here this afternoon; she’s our best programmer, it won’t take her too long. I don’t have a trained cartographer amongst my scientists though, but I’ll ask and see if anyone feels they have the skills.”

John’s head came up as he mentally scanned his military personnel files. “I think Lorne has a minor in Cartography. His Major was geology, but I’m pretty sure...”

“Excellent,” Rodney said. “How about one of your grunts dials the gate then, and asks Lorne and Miko to come through.”

John turned to one of the marines closest to him and gave the orders, adding the need for Lorne to bring a jumper with him, and whatever supplies were needed to get the mapping done. The marine left at the jog, and the rest of them headed back towards the village.

“Why have you asked for a jumper, Colonel?” Teyla asked.

“I want to see if we can gather any of that wool. I realise it’s late in the season now – Adi said her people foraged for it in late spring, but there might still be some around. And if not, at least we can see where we’ll need to go to find it.”

Adi had been listening and now she joined the conversation. “The horan beast provides wonderful meat too, Colonel. It is rich and juicy. We had a hunt each year when we had finished gathering their wool, and one beast would be slain. The hunter who took the life of the horan beast was rewarded with the tusks. It is not an easy thing to do.”

“How’d you hunt them?” Ronon asked, face alight with interest.

“We took our bows… and our axes. The axes were in case the beast was not killed outright. They can be very nasty if injured and cornered. It is wise to have a secondary means of stopping them. I believe it was on one such hunt that a man was terribly injured, and my grandmother sealed his physical wound enough that he survived to reach our healers. It was this story that encouraged me to try and heal your physical wound, Colonel, when the Genii ambushed us.”

John nodded. “They sound like a pretty formidable beast. Are we going to be at risk of attack while we’re gathering wool?”

“Oh, no. The horan eat the greenery of the forest, not people.” She grinned cheekily. “You will be quite safe amongst them. They are actually quite friendly… when they are not being hunted. On one of the foraging trips, Danata woke in the morning to find a horan beast curled beside him on his sleeping mat. He screeched in terror, and the horan beast rose, all offended dignity, and took itself off into the forest.” She laughed in memory. It had been a very funny moment. “But they have a great awareness about them, and seemed to sense the threat as soon as we turned from gathering their wool, to preparing to hunt them. Then they scattered and hid and became quite unpleasant to be around. But their meat is a great delicacy and well worth the effort.”

They were back at the village now, and Adi took the marines into the impilli fields and showed them how to draw milk from the udder of a mother with an older calf.

John was gazing across the herd of impilli, hundreds of the beasts scattered across the prairie. He turned to Adi as she finished her milking demonstration, but just then his earwig sounded the gate alarm. Everyone around him twitched to an alert posture, then relaxed as Major Lorne’s voice sounded, advising of his arrival on Capeliga. John acknowledged the call, then turned back to the group.

Adi was dipping a wooden mug into the bucket she held, and offering it to the marines to taste. Clearly they didn’t pasteurise the milk. He wondered if Carson would insist on it. When they’d all had a mouthful, John included – it tasted a little saltier than cow’s milk, but not unpleasant – John broached his question. “Adi, would it be okay to kill some of the impilli today? How do you decide when to hunt them?”

Adi came to stand beside him and looked out across the herd, much as John had just been doing. “We hunt when we have need of the meat, Colonel. There is no pattern to it. We eat the pethri, fruit, vegetables, grains; the horan meat lasts some time – even from just one beast, and then we take however many impilli we need to keep ourselves fed. Usually only one or two beasts are killed at a time, and we smoke the meat to keep it safe for eating later.”

“How much meat do you get from one impilli?” John asked. He didn’t even know how many people an Earth cow would feed. When you bought your meat at a butcher’s shop, these sorts of questions didn’t even come up.

“A great deal, Colonel. There would be enough for us to feast for a week if we had chosen to do so.”

John’s eyebrows rose. Okay. So there was a lot of meat on an impilli. “Adi, how many people lived in your village?” he asked, his tone gentle.

Adi smiled softly, looking down at the ground. “There were one hundred and ninety-three of us, Colonel, at the time the Wraith came. Frasidi had given birth to her first son just the day before.”

John’s eyes closed briefly, trying to imagine such a loss. It was like saying all of Atlantis was wiped out, and he was the only survivor. Except that he still had 6 billion more people on Earth. And none of the Atlantis expedition were newly delivered mothers.

Adi had moved over to the impilli and was patting, and hugging, one of the beasts. He wondered if it was Teu, the one Adi had called her favourite. Regardless, she was clearly obtaining a degree of comfort from the animal.

Hearing a hail from behind him, John turned to see Major Lorne and Miko crossing the field towards them.

Miko was looking around her with interest. This was her first visit to Capeliga and she was clearly trying to take it all in. John called Rodney over to explain what was needed, and then, leaving the marines to clear weeds from one of the vegetable fields, they took Lorne and Miko back over to the pethri.

Once he’d explained what was needed to successfully keep track of the pethri, John left them to it and, with Ronon, gathered up the emergency supplies for the cave and headed off in that direction. They walked the entire way in silence, but once they’d stowed the water, MREs and ammunition in the back of the cave, Ronon came to stand beside John on the ledge, gazing across the landscape. “Saw you and Adi this morning,” he said in his blunt, no nonsense way.

John stiffened and half turned, then stilled. He sighed. “I hoped I’d woken before anyone else.”

“Saw you in the night, when she moved over to you.”

John nodded. Of course, Ronon would have been disturbed by their movements. As quiet as they’d been, there were still rustlings and the movement of air as Adi had slid across, the sound of John’s sleeping bag zipper opening. He sighed again.

“Didn’t look like the first time,” Ronon said, obviously not just going to let this go.

“No. It’s… we’re not… we don’t…”

“‘s’okay. Don’t have to explain. Just wanted you to know that I saw. Don’t think you’re going to hurt her.”

“Never,” John said. “It’s not like that… I… we… it’s just…” Suddenly he wanted Ronon to understand. “It’s just nice to be… touched, held. We don’t do anything. Just, sleep, touching each other.”

Ronon nodded. “Touch is good. You need that.” He turned and started off along the path. Clearly he’d said what he wanted to say, and that was that.

John followed him, feeling oddly glad that two of his teammates now knew there was something between him and Adi. Neither Teyla nor Ronon had judged him for it. They hadn’t made it difficult, or dissected this strange relationship, or offered him advice on what to do next. They’d just accepted it. He wondered how Rodney would have reacted in the same situation.

By the time John and Ronon returned, it was late afternoon. Ronon loped off to join the marines, and John made his way back to the pethri field. Miko was sitting on a log, laptop on her knee, madly writing a program to track the birds, and he could see Evan in the distance, pen and paper in hand. He didn’t want to disturb Lorne’s concentration, but on the other hand, he kinda wanted to go see him, see how he was doing… with the task, of course.

Evan heard him coming and lifted his head, smiling when he saw who it was. “Hello, Sir. Come to check up on me?”

“Well, don’t want you getting lost amongst all these birds, Major. How’s the map coming?”

“I’ve marked some of the trees with red paint—” he pointed, and John could see red numbers on several trees nearby. “That’s to give the marines guiding points for orienting themselves. And where there weren’t any trees about, I’ve hammered in a star picket and numbered that.”

John nodded, surveying the area and spotting a couple of star pickets. “How far through are you?”

Evan turned the map around, so John could see. “I’ve found and mapped well over a hundred nests so far. But I suspect I’m missing some. Is Adi about? I’d like to get her to check my accuracy.”

“Not sure where she is right now. Why not do what you can in the light that’s left today, and you can finish it in the morning with her help. After that, I want to take the jumper and go explore the other side of the hills.” He told Evan of the soft blankets and the possibility of gathering wool. “I’d like us both to know where this place is, where the horan beasts live.”

Lorne nodded. “That’s fine, Sir. I didn’t bring my overnight kit though.”

“You can use Adi’s blankets. They feel amazing on your skin.” He stopped suddenly, and blushed. Then averted his gaze. What the hell had possessed him to say that?

Lorne laughed softly. “I’m eager to try them, Sir. Are they like the faux mink blankets you can buy in the shops?”

“Yeah, a little,” John responded, “but way softer.”

Evan whistled. “Wow! Okay. Sounds like a plan. I’ll get on with this now, Sir. I’d like to try and get the whole area mapped today if I can, and then Adi can just check it with me in the morning.”

John nodded and left him to it. There was still at least an hour of daylight left, but he wanted his marines to have some downtime today. He tapped his radio, attracting Ronon’s attention and asking him to bring the marines back to the village for a wash and some late afternoon tea. Then he radioed Teyla. “Teyla, is Adi with you?”

“Yes, Colonel. We’re exploring the forests and Adi is showing me where to dig up wild-growing roots.”

“Okay. I was hoping Adi might do an axe-throwing demonstration, let the marines have a turn.”

There was silence for a moment, and then, “We’re on our way back to the village, Colonel.”

The axe throwing was fascinating to watch, and John stood on the sidelines, gazing in wonder as Adi demonstrated her skills. The last time they’d passed through this clearing, Adi had stood at various distances and thrown her axes from a standstill. This time, she moved the marines back to the tree line, pointed out a series of bushes planted at strategic intervals, and then ran a circuit around a central target, throwing an axe as she reached each bush, while still in motion. Every single axe hit the cylindrical target in the mid-zone, regardless of the angle or distance from the target the throw came from. It was a startling display of skill.

Adi had fetched more axes from the various houses, saying that those of her people who enjoyed this activity had their own axes. She handed them out to the marines and set about teaching them to throw. It seemed pretty easy. You held the axe in one hand, felt for the right balance, and then hurled it at the target. The axe spun, end over end, as it flew through the air, and then hit the target. If you were standing in the right spot, so the distance to the target matched the number of rotations of the axe, then the head would embed itself in the wood. If not, it would impact the target and fall to the ground.

Adi moved amongst the marines, encouraging them to move forwards or backwards a slight amount, to match their throwing distances to the rotation of their axes, and soon everyone was enjoying the satisfying ‘thunk’ as their axe heads embedded themselves.

Eventually Adi declared the light level too low for safety, and the marines moved around the clearing, gathering their axes back up.

“Adi,” Corporal Tobias called out. “Would you stop in this light level, or is just because we’re beginners?”

“The light level is not important, once you have gained sufficient proficiency with the weapon,” Adi responded coming closer to him.

“Can you show us?” Tobias asked.

Even in these few minutes, the twilight had grown deeper, and Adi gazed thoughtfully at him for a moment. She nodded. “I will, but you must all move back.”

Once the marines were safely on the edge of the clearing, Adi ran the circuit in reverse order, almost a blur in the deepening gloom. When she was done, the five axes were all deeply lodged in the target. Not one had missed.

There were whistles and cheers from the marines, as Adi collected her axes, and she was grinning with pleasure at having her skills appreciated. One of the newer marines suggested carrying her back to the village on their shoulders, but John stepped in to stop that. He didn’t think Adi would enjoy a victory march.

Everyone was relaxed over the evening meal, enjoying the gentle pace of life on Capeliga, and the chance to unwind. They told stories around the fires, and sang a few songs, and then John announced it was time for bed. He set the overnight patrols – the gate alarm wouldn’t help if a hive appeared in orbit and dropped darts on them that way – and then headed into the darkness to tend to his needs.

When he returned, Lorne was alone in John’s cottage with Adi, and she was offering him some blankets.

Evan was running his hand over the soft wool again and again, and John watched as he used his forearm to stroke the material as well. Adi was watching too. “They are very sensuous, Major. My people greatly enjoyed the feeling of the wool against their skin. It heightens sexual pleasure immeasurably.”

Evan blushed, and so did John. “Um, I’m sure it would,” Evan stuttered out, flushing an even brighter red when he saw John watching him. “Ah, thanks Adi, I’ll, um, see you in the morning.”

Adi was laughing softly as Evan left. “He is very shy about such matters, Colonel.”

“I think a lot of people from Earth are very shy… or private, maybe… about such matters. Your people were much more open about sex then we are.”

As they turned to set out their bedding for the night, Teyla entered the house, followed by Rodney and Ronon. They were all busy setting up for sleep when Adi suddenly spoke. “Have I told you about naked Sundays?”

Four sets of eyes were suddenly glued to hers, and Adi laughed. A wonderful peal of joy that set John’s heart thumping. “Oh, your expressions!”

“Did you really have naked Sundays?” Rodney asked, mouth agape and eyes wide.

Adi grinned at him. “Perhaps you could institute cultural Sundays on Atlantis, Rodney, and when it is Capeliga’s turn to be honoured, you will find out.” Then she laughed again, because Rodney’s expression was so beautiful – half horror, half interest. “We did not specify a day when all went naked, Rodney. But it was not unusual for several of my people to be naked at any one time. Our community enjoyed each other, Rodney, in every way.”

“But you said you didn’t have sex, so did you walk around naked yourself?” Adi could hear the scientist side of Rodney now, eagerly seeking details to create an understanding.

“Of course. The feel of the wind across all of my skin, the sunshine on my shoulders, and stomach and backside…” She smiled softly at the memories. “And remember, there is great pleasure in having someone’s skin against yours when you are naked – moving amongst many with the touch of their skin against yours as you walk around. Skin is very sensitive, Rodney, and to have someone else’s skin caressing your own is a great joy.”

“That is indeed true,” Teyla said, sliding into her sleeping bag. “I think your culture had a wonderful approach to touch, Adi.”

John slipped out of the house at this point, his mind presenting images to him of Adi with the wind and sunshine caressing her skin. He made his way across to the marine’s house. Major Lorne was bunking down with the marines, so he could probably leave him to issue the lights out order, but John was still in charge. The marines were mostly in their sleeping bags by the time John arrived, and his eyes sought Evan, lying on and under Adi’s blankets. His XO’s face was still lightly flushed, and John guessed that he was remembering Adi’s earlier comments, as the blankets shushed lightly over his bare skin. Well, at least all that should be bare were his feet, forearms and neck. Smiling knowingly at him, John wished his marines a good sleep, and headed back to his own house.

This time, John kept himself awake until he could hear Rodney’s gentle snores, and then unzipped his sleeping bag and beckoned Adi over to him. If Ronon and Teyla already knew, it didn’t matter if they saw this. John felt safe with them, he knew they would keep their knowledge to themselves, and he wanted to ensure Adi slept, and slept well. She settled against his side, the soft blankets caressing them both, and the darkness took them.

Chapter Text

John woke Adi again in the pre-dawn light, and once she’d slid back to her own mattress, he slipped outside to enjoy the fresh, crisp air. It was a beautiful morning, the sun just starting to creep up over the horizon, and he decided that an early morning jog would be just the thing to get everyone going.

Teyla and Ronon had joined him in the heart of the village, along with the marines and Major Lorne, but Adi and Rodney were still in the house. John caught Teyla’s eye and tilted his head in their direction, and Teyla nodded and walked across the clearing to the house where they’d slept.

She poked her head through the door, and saw that Rodney was pulling on his boots, while Adi was folding the last of the blankets back into the cupboard. “The Colonel has requested that the marines go for a jog this morning, and Ronon and I will be accompanying them. Rodney, Adi, would you like to come?” Adi shook her head, and Rodney turned to Teyla. “Why on earth would I want to go for a run? I do enough running when we’re being chased by angry natives, and Wraith, and slavering, wild beasts.”

“Very well,” Teyla said tranquilly. “We shall see you in a while.” And her head withdrew.

When the joggers returned, warmed through and panting, Rodney and Adi were sitting by the fire, happily chatting as Rodney made his way through his third coffee of the day.

Breakfast was had, and Adi then spent the next two hours with Major Lorne, going over his map of the pethri and pointing out additional, well-hidden nests.

“It’s amazing how well camouflaged the birds are, Adi. I think I might have spotted that nest if the momma bird hadn’t been sitting on it.”

“They blend in beautifully with their surroundings. It is no shame not to have spotted her.”

They were at the far end of the area the pethri inhabited now, and Evan added the last few nests to the map, and then it was complete. They were walking back in companionable silence when Adi spoke. “Evan,” she paused, and then started again. “Evan, you have invited me to use your personal name when I speak with you, but I wondered if it is something you prefer that I do only when we are alone, or if it is acceptable to call you Evan when we are in company?”

Evan shot her a startled glance. “Um, I’m happy for you to call me Evan anytime, Adi.”

“Even if we are in a meeting with Dr Weir? Or if the marines are about? Could I have done so around the fire last night?”

Evan thought about that. “Well, I guess… I guess maybe it depends on circumstance then. Probably in a meeting, calling me by my rank is more appropriate, because it’s a professional situation. But dinner last night, sure, no problems.”

“Because that was personal time?” Adi asked, her expression intent.

“Yeah. It’s, um, a bit different in Pegasus, because we’re on duty pretty much all the time, even when we’re not. So, if it’s professional, call me Major, and if it’s personal, call me Evan.”

Adi nodded. “So in the Ninja room, you would not have minded if I had told Colonel Sheppard that ‘Evan’ had helped me on the obstacles, rather than saying that ‘Major Lorne’ had helped me, because that was personal time, not professional time?”

Evan came to a stop, turning to face her. “Did… was the Colonel upset about that? He seemed a little…” His voice trailed off as he realised he probably shouldn’t be talking to Adi about this. “Nevermind. Um, yes, that was sort of… hmm. Yeah, okay, I see your point. You were calling me Evan when we were alone, and then when the Colonel turned up, you called me Major. And yeah, that felt right, actually. Sorry. I don’t know that I’m helping here.”

Adi smiled at him. “I think this is an area where your rules are a little uncertain. I will continue as I have been, if that is acceptable? I did not wish to offend you by not using your name when you had offered me the right to do so.”

“No, I’m good with whatever you want to call me. You seem to have the hang of it, so I’ll leave it up to you.”

They started walking again, and after a minute or two, Adi spoke again. “Do you think that your map and Miko’s computer program will enable your people to understand the pethri?” And they walked onwards, discussing the pethri and the complexities of managing the process without impacting on the viability of the colony of birds.

It was late morning before they were ready to take the jumper to explore the far side of the hills. John left Ronon and Teyla with the marines, busy gathering the impilli manure from the prairie to use on the fields, and just himself, Rodney, Evan and Adi boarded the jumper.

“You’re used to walking on this journey, Adi, and things look a little different from the sky, so I’ll fly quite slowly, and hopefully you’ll be able to pick up some landmarks on our way.”

Adi nodded. She was sitting in the seat next to John’s, leaning forward to see out the front window as the jumper hovered over the village, waiting for her to direct their course. “We cross the river, and pass beyond my home and away across the hills in that direction.” She pointed, and John moved the jumper forward, crossing the river over the top of the little bridge. A clearing with a house came into view, and John paused the jumper, hovering it just above the tree line and circling around the clearing, gazing at the little cottage and the flowers, the trees, the grass. “Is this your home, Adi?”

“It is, Colonel. My very own place.” Her voice was a little wistful, and John glanced at her before looking away.

“It’s beautiful,” Evan said, standing and moving a few steps forward to look out the window. “I’m not surprised it inspired Teyla to suggest the garden for Atlantis.”

“It was a very kind thought, and I love what the marines created there. It will be a place of great tranquillity.”

John straightened the small craft up, and continued on the route Adi had suggested. There’d been a path leading out of her clearing, not as obvious as the one leading in. Evidently, the Capeligans hadn’t travelled this way very frequently.

They flew slowly on for about half an hour, pausing to hover every now and again while Adi peered out the windows, looking for landmarks to guide their passage. After a while, a thin line of blue appeared at the far edge of the horizon and Adi, her tone confused, asked, "What is that?"

"It's the ocean," John said. "That's what a huge body of water looks like from this height."

“Oh!" Adi responded joyfully. "I have only travelled to the ocean once before. It is a very great journey to make on foot. My people make the trek every ten cycles, taking anyone over the age of sixteen who wishes to go. I would have made my second visit this autumn.” She suddenly leaned forward and pointed. “There! Do you see that rocky outcrop, peering above the trees? That is the beginning of the horan beasts’ pasture.”

John headed that way, and then circled around, finding a natural clearing big enough to hold the jumper not far away. He set the craft down on the ground and they all rose and walked down the ramp and into the sunshine.

A moderate breeze was rustling the leaves, and Adi stood, head tilted back and eyes closed, with her arms outstretched, and breathed deeply in and out. “Can you not feel the refreshing wind that blows on this side of the hills? It is like taking a tonic for the soul.”

Rodney was ignoring Adi and glancing about them nervously. “Where are these hore-beast things? I know you said they were harmless, but you also said they were vicious, and I’m not sure I want to meet one.”

Adi smiled at him. “We are not here to hunt them, Rodney. They will not attack. Come, we shall look around.” And she led them back towards the rocky outcrop they’d spotted from the sky, bringing them unerringly to its base within five minutes. “From this point, all the way to the East, is where the horan beasts scrape their wool off against the trees. But as I said, they do so in late spring. So we are many weeks later than my people usually visit.” She had brought four baskets with her from the jumper. “Here, take one of these and walk around, looking at the tree trunks. The wool is usually between my knee and shoulder height.”

“Shoulder height?” Rodney asked, his voice overly high-pitched. “I’ve got some simulations to run, I might just stay in the jumper.

“You will be fine, Rodney. They will not hurt you. They are very friendly.” And Adi ushered him away from the rock and in amongst the trees. Within a few minutes she had found some of the wool. “Ah, here. You can see what it looks like. Normally there would be a much larger quantity on this tree, however I expect the wind has blown it away in all these weeks since the horan beast scraped himself free of his winter coat.” Nonetheless, she reached out and plucked what was there, laying it in the bottom of her basket.

“All right,” John said, “Lorne, you take Adi and head that way. McKay you’re with me.”

When they met up at the jumper an hour later, they each had a respectable amount of wool in their baskets, and Adi smiled. “There will be enough here to create a lap blanket, perhaps, or several winter scarves.”

Beside her, Evan shivered involuntarily, and she turned to him. Then her face lit with an understanding smile. “The wool feels just as good around the neck as it does elsewhere, Major.”

Evan blushed, but otherwise retained his composure. Sleeping with the soft, silky blankets above and below him last night, all around his body, had been an exercise in control. He’d actually pulled off his BDU top and rolled up his trousers, wanting to feel the blankets moving against as much skin as possible. Sensuous didn’t even begin to describe the effect on his body. And that was just his arms and legs. He imagined trying to retain his composure whilst wearing a scarf made from this wool, wrapping around the sensitive skin of his neck, and shook his head. There was no way.

Adi was still watching him, and now she laughed. “I will gift you with a blanket to take home to Atlantis, Major. I can see that you enjoyed the sensations.”

“What?” Rodney asked. “Why would you give him a blanket? It wasn’t anything special.”

Evan’s expression was incredulous, but Adi responded in her usual matter-of-fact way. “You had the blanket over the top of your sleeping bag, Rodney, you did not have it against your skin. Major Lorne had no sleeping bag between himself and the luxurious texture of the material.”

“Oh.”

Adi could see Rodney processing that information. “You may take a blanket too, Rodney, if you wish. I am sure you will enjoy sleeping with it against your skin.”

They were back in the jumper now, John heading for the ocean in the far distance, wanting to check out everything within reach of the village. They flew in silence for a while, everyone looking out the window. The line of blue indicating the ocean grew larger and larger, until eventually they were flying over the sands at the edge of the great expanse of water. John slowed the jumper and hovered, looking this way and that. “What do your people come here for, Adi?”

“We play in the water, Colonel. The salt is very good for the skin, and helps to rebalance many systems within the body. And we scoop the water into pots and boil it over the fire, and when the water has gone, the salt remains, and we gather that to season our food. And there is also a sea creature that is very tasty to eat.”

“What sort of sea creature?” Evan asked. He was standing up behind Adi’s chair, gazing out the windows at the sapphire blue ocean, taking note of a chain of small islands not far offshore. It was incredibly picturesque. His fingers were itching to paint this view.

“If you land, I can probably find one and show you. They are hard to describe.”

Adi led the way out of the jumper and across the sands to a rocky pool. She stripped off unselfconsciously and lay, naked, in the shallows, reaching her arms over the edge of the rocks and down into the pool itself. Suddenly there was a flick of her hand and something hurtled out of the water and landed on the sand. It immediately stood up and ran sideways down the sand and back into the water.

“Crabs,” Rodney said. “Weird green crabs.” He’d kept his eyes carefully away from Adi’s naked body, rather shocked that she’d just taken off all her clothes in front of them.

Adi had stood again now and was using her hands like windscreen wipers across her body, removing most of the water. She started to re-dress. “We built a huge bonfire on the beach, and when the fire had burned down to coals, we put the crabs in amongst them, to roast. The flesh is very sweet and very filling. We stayed for eight days and nights, paddling and playing and feasting, and then we hiked all the way home again.” There were tears prickling in her eyes, and she suddenly turned and moved away down the beach, her arms clasped tightly around her middle.

“Is she...?” Rodney asked, noticing her distress.

“It’s just hard for her, Rodney,” John said. “Everyone she ever knew is dead. And we keep asking her to tell us about things, and it brings up all her memories.” John wanted to follow her, give her the comfort of his presence, but Rodney and Lorne were both here, and there was no way he was going to do that in front of them. It wasn’t like hugging Adi in front of Teyla.

Lorne was still looking out at the ocean vista. “I’d really love to paint this. Are we going to be allowed to bring a jumper through occasionally, Sir?”

John smiled. “If you want to take an afternoon off and come paint the view, Lorne, be my guest. Not alone though. Adi might think it’s safe, but we don’t know for certain. You’ll need to have at least one other person here to watch your back.”

“Perhaps we could hold a crab-party? Bring several jumpers worth of people, have a swim, build a bonfire, roast crabs. It might help Adi if she can make new memories to overwrite the old ones.”

Rodney had taken himself back to the sun-safe jumper, but John nodded. “Yeah, good idea. She said autumn, didn’t she? And McKay said that’s in a couple of months. Let’s schedule it in.” He turned and looked along the beach to where Adi had finally turned around, and was coming back towards them. “We should head back now.”

They waited together as Adi made her way back. Her face was composed, but it was easy to see she was still upset. They boarded in silence, sliding past Rodney who had set himself up in the back compartment and was busy on his laptop, not even acknowledging that they’d returned.

Once the jumper was in the air and headed back to the village, Adi suddenly swung her chair around to face Evan. “May I sit with you, Major?” she asked softly.

“Um, yeah, sure,” Evan replied, and Adi stood, crossing to where he was sitting in the chair behind hers, and slowly straddled his hips, leaning herself against his chest, her arms around his waist, her head resting on his shoulder. She slumped against him and went limp.

Evan met his COs eyes, but there was only concern in them, so he brought his hands up slowly and held Adi gently against him. Her breathing was a little ragged, but after a few minutes it evened out and she just lay against him, her soft warmth penetrating through Evan’s clothes.

And now he was in something of a quandary. Ordinarily, if someone was straddling his lap like this, it wasn’t for the simple pleasure of a hug, but for something far more intimate. And his body knew that. Add in the effects the blanket had had on his libido overnight – with no opportunity for release, and the sight of Adi casually stripping off and lying nude with the shallow water rippling over her toned body, and this hug was becoming something of a personal problem. It wasn’t as if he’d never thought of it before… Adi was a very congenial person to be around, always calm and kind and generous of spirit with a lively sense of humour, and he’d held her in his arms several times already, and most of those times had included a lot of naked touching. Still, he’d tried to divert his mind away from her, because he knew the Colonel was interested, and he didn’t want to poach.

The problem was coming to a head, and any moment now it was going to be evident to Adi, and seconds later, to everyone. Evan shifted a little in his seat, trying to separate their lower bodies a little further, but Adi resolved the issue, taking a deep breath, sitting up and sliding off his lap. “Thank you, Major,” she said softly, and returned to her own chair. She caught John’s eyes on her and smiled weakly at him.

“Adi, Lorne suggested we might bring some of the scientists and marines down to the beach at the beginning of autumn and have the bonfire you described, roast some crabs, have a swim… what do you think?”

“Oh, that is a wonderful idea. May I come too? I should very much enjoy the chance to swim in the waters here. They are very buoyant, and it is great fun.”

“Yeah, of course you can come too. You deserve the chance to relax as much as any of us.”

The ride back to the village was completed in a much happier spirit, as John and Evan and Adi planned out the details of the seaside feast.

It was late that night when the Lanteans finally returned to Atlantis. They were short ten marines as they’d been left behind on Capeliga to be the first rotation of troops there. As they’d already been there for three days, they’d only stay for another four, and from then on, the marines would be rostered for seven-day rotations.

When they’d returned from their visit to the ocean, Adi had called the impilli to her, and John had taken his gun and shot three of the wild animals. Adi had told him where to aim, and she’d been right. The beasts had dropped instantly, shot cleanly through the heart. The marines had helped to skin and quarter the carcasses, and they’d dragged the wrapped meat into the back of the jumper to take home and let the mess staff butcher. It would be messy work, but the resultant fresh meat would be a welcome addition to their meals.

A half-shattered loom and damaged spinning wheel had been unearthed from the rubble of the crafting house and the marines had carried them back to the gate and through the event horizon for repair or replacement on Atlantis.

Carson insisted on health checks for everyone, and fussed a little over the couple of small scratches Adi had received to her arms, chest and stomach from lying on the edge of the rock pool. “Och, these are no good, lass. You need to be a mite more careful around rock and coral. The cuts can become infected verra easily.” He was washing them with an antiseptic solution as he spoke, his face showing his concern.

“It is how my people caught the crabs, Carson. No-one ever became ill. I was taught that the salt in the water of the ocean prevented any issues.”

“Aye, well, that’s likely. However, I’m still going to cover these over.”

Once she was released, she headed for her room. It had been a draining few days and she was very tired. She slid inside, locked her door, and dropped onto the bed, pulling up the blankets and letting sleep take her.

John stood in the gate room, Ronon, Teyla and Dr Beckett at his side, waiting for McKay to appear. He was just lifting his hand to tap his radio – again – when Rodney came into view, hurrying towards them, talking rapidly as he came, flicking through screens on the laptop in his hand.

As he came up level with John, Rodney said, “Right. Yes. That. Fine. I’m going now. Don’t blow it up while I’m gone.” Then he tapped his radio off, and wriggled his hand around behind him to velcro the laptop in place. “Right,” he said, smiling and rubbing his hands together. “Are we all ready?”

“Well, we are, McKay,” John drawled. “Where the hell have you been?” He turned and signalled Chuck to start dialling the planet so they could get going on this regular trading mission.

“Oh, you know,” Rodney replied, “disasters to avert, minions to chastise, Zelenka to point in the right direction…”

The wormhole engaged, and John swung around to wave to Elizabeth as the team moved forward and disappeared, one by one, into the event horizon.

They emerged into heavy cloud cover, and Rodney grimaced as he made his way quickly towards the DHD, checking for the Genii device. “All clear,” he called, then righted himself. “Did we do a weather check before we decided that this afternoon was the best time for this visit?” he griped. “Because those clouds look like they really want to drop a lot of rain on us!”

“Suck it up, McKay,” Ronon said as he stalked past, heading for the path out of the clearing.

“Suck it up?” Rodney repeated, his tone incredulous. “Seriously?” He turned to John. “He spends way too much time with your marines. What are they teaching him?”

“How to fit in.” John smirked, pushed his Aviators a little further up his nose, and gestured for Carson and Rodney to follow Ronon and Teyla. Then he brought up the rear, his hand resting comfortingly on his P-90.

It was a little over half an hour later that they arrived in the village. Children came flocking towards them, crying out in joy to see them, and John was soon surrounded by a happy, bubbling crowd. Rodney had backed away, sidling around the children, but Carson was being greeted just as joyously, and Teyla was chatting to some of the parents, her expression animated. Ronon was standing to the side, his hand hovering near his gun, but there was unlikely to be any danger here, and he knew it.

The people of Chinchal had proven to be good allies and friends. Happy to share their produce – a grain similar to oats, and meat from their Grooar beasts – in return for medical care. Dr Beckett was a strong favourite amongst the children on this planet, because the last time they’d been here, something similar to measles had been going through the village, and Carson had spent many days here, nursing the children through the worst of it.

The Leader, Sinsha, approached and greeted everyone, and then Dr Beckett was moving along to the building they always made available for him, and John detailed Teyla to stay with him.

“Please,” Sinsha said, “will you not join us for some refreshments?” And he led the way to another of their buildings, something like a communal dining hall.

John sat and drank of the local beverage – a very mildly alcoholic drink, a little like wine – and ate of the local delicacies – some sort of oat-cake-thing with a berry jam of some sort on top. It was quite tasty. They traded news backwards and forwards, and John felt himself relaxing. These were good people, welcoming and always friendly. They reminded him of the Athosians, in the way they’d just accepted the Lanteans and drawn them into their community.

Rodney was happily eating his way through the various offerings on the table, and chatting with Cataro, the local equivalent of a learned person. He’d been very dismissive of her the first time they’d come, but had been well and truly put in his place – Cataro was a fierce woman with a reputation for understanding and wisdom, and hadn’t tolerated McKay’s attitude at all. But once she’d had her say, she’d been perfectly friendly and so Rodney and she were now discussing scientific matters in reasonable accord.

Once they’d finished eating, Sinsha and Cataro took John and Rodney on a tour of the village, pointing out the improvements they’d made since last the Lanteans had visited – a new building, a new well – and detailing their plans for yet more changes to come. A long discussion over the watering of the almost-oats crop had Rodney eventually offering to send some of his engineers to create a basic irrigation system, that would enable the watering to take place without the need for buckets to be carried all the way from the well to the fields. Obviously, they’d need to order some supplies from Earth – although they carefully didn’t mention that – just said it’d be a few weeks before they could come back.

“Well, this is a very welcome offer, Colonel, Doctor. On behalf of my people, I thank you for your generosity.” Sinsha smiled broadly at the Lanteans, and John smiled back. It was nice to be appreciated, and to have the chance to make a difference in people’s lives. And it was nice to go off-world and not be attacked or chased, too.

Carson and Teyla were emerging from the clinic building as John and Rodney arrived back in the village centre, Ronon standing guard to one side of the village square.

“We’re all done,” Carson said, as the two groups met. “Nothing too serious.” He turned to Sinsha. “I’ve set Kidan’s broken bone, and it’ll heal in time. He’s not to use the arm until I return and remove the cast, mind. But it should all be fine. And I’ve dealt with all the scrapes and cuts amongst the children. I’ll be back in a few weeks to check on Jina. She’s doing well, but with her past history, I just want to keep a close eye on her, make sure this pregnancy ends well.” He smiled and Sinsha nodded in gratitude.

“Thank you, Doctor. Your help is always appreciated. We shall look forward to your return.”

A Grooar beast was plodding up the street, a laden wagon harnessed behind it, and John’s brows drew together as he realised there was more on the wagon than he’d expected. He turned back to Sinsha. “I think you’re overpaying us.”

“Oh, no. I asked that the boys add a little extra. Dr McKay has made many suggestions today for improvements, and has offered to help with our watering problem. And it is a great comfort to us all to know that Dr Beckett is watching over Jina. We have the produce to spare, you are welcome to it.”

Teyla gave their thanks, and the team turned to head for the gate.

Rodney had had his eye on the rain clouds all afternoon, and now he was trying to hurry everyone along at their best speed. But they were limited by the slow and steady pace of the Grooar beast. It was trained to follow the path, and once at the gate, and unloaded, if the Lanteans turned it about and headed it back onto the path, it would make its slow and steady way back to the village, unaccompanied.

They were only half-way to the gate when the heavens opened and a heavy deluge fell, wetting them to the skin within moments. The Grooar beast plodded happily onwards, ignoring the weather, but Rodney was not so happy, and the remainder of the journey was spent to the accompaniment of the rain drops hitting them and Rodney’s voice, raised in protest.

They finally reached the gate, and Ronon and John slung bag after bag of produce through the event horizon. It was a mark of Rodney’s improved social interaction skills that he stayed with the team, rather than scurrying through the gate to the safety and dryness of Atlantis. But he did stay, helping to move the produce bags forward for John and Ronon to lift, and then leading the Grooar beast around and back to the path, before joining the team before the gate. They stepped through together to find a team of marines busy in the gate room, gathering the supplies and carting them off towards the mess. Elizabeth was standing there, watching all the activity.

She eyed their dripping forms, a small smile playing around her lips. “Nice weather on Chinchal today?” she asked, her tone as innocent as she could make it.

She laughed at Rodney’s acerbic reply, and moved slightly to enable him to leave the gate Room. John was the only one to linger. “They gave us some extra bags because Rodney’s worked out some way to irrigate their fields – we’ll need to order some stuff – and Carson’s watching over one of the pregnant women who’s had some trouble in the past.”

Elizabeth nodded. She liked the people of Chinchal. She’d actually been off-world to meet them, a couple of years back. Very friendly and welcoming.

Now, she flicked her eyes down to the floor, where a puddle was growing around John’s feet. “I think you might need to go and change, Colonel,” she said, her eyes dancing, and John laughed, agreeing.

He headed first to the armoury to return his gear, and then to have a long, hot, shower.

Chapter Text

John bounced his way through breakfast, almost not noticing the morning hug-in going on around him. With nothing more pressing on the agenda, this morning they were taking the Avenger up again, to test Carson and Rodney as pilots along with Corporals Parkes and Smithers, and Miko.

He swallowed his last mouthful of oats and turned to Rodney. “Come on McKay. We’ve got a spaceship to fly.” He kicked Rodney gently underneath the table, and Rodney flinched, then kicked him back. “I’m still eating.”

“Well, just bring your muffin with you. We’ve got things to do.”

Grumbling, Rodney shoved his muffin into his pocket along with some fruit, and then picked up his laptop and coffee mug and followed John out of the mess. Evan’s exit coincided with theirs, and they made their way together towards the West pier where the Ancient warship was resting, tranquilly bobbing on the gentle waves.

Within minutes, they had a full complement of scientists, and their ATA test pilots had arrived.

All systems had performed perfectly the first time they’d taken the ship up, and since the small amount of battle damage had all been fixed, they weren’t anticipating any problems. Rodney hooked his laptop up to one of the consoles on the bridge and quickly ran through all the systems, seeing green lights across the board. “Okay, everything checks out. We can lift off whenever you’re ready.”

John and Evan had discussed the mission protocols, and had decided that Evan would be responsible for lift off, as John had done that last time and it was best if they were both experienced in all ship operations. Once they were in the air and away from both Atlantis and the mainland, they’d try swapping Evan for Carson and see how he went piloting the ship in atmosphere. John would be standing by for emergency takeover of the controls, if necessary.

Evan took the pilot seat and brought up the HUD, methodically checking through all the systems himself, despite Rodney having already confirmed their status. Then, comfortable with what he was seeing, he tapped his radio and called the Control Room for permission to launch, and having received it, he concentrated, and brought the engines online.

Carson had done a thorough check up of both the Colonel and Lorne, just prior to breakfast this morning, and Evan had been in perfect health - he’d also had a good night of sleep, and was feeling well rested. He hoped it was going to last. He started the engines and thought the warship into the air, then cruised in an arc around the city, taking it easy as he got his mental bearings for the controls in atmosphere. Colonel Sheppard had left it up to him to manage the flight path. They knew the ship itself was good to go; today the question was over the abilities of the various pilots.

Lorne established a flight path that circumnavigated the planet, crossing ocean the entire way, and then turned his head to John and nodded.

It was time for Carson to take over.

The next couple of hours went in various trials for the five pilots they were testing today. Eventually, Evan took the pilot seat and brought the Avenger back to Atlantis. As he landed and powered down, John turned to the pilots they’d been testing. “Thanks everyone. You’re dismissed. Report to the infirmary for a check-up.” He followed Lorne off the ship, and they made for Elizabeth’s office to provide a debrief.

She was waiting for them, eager to hear how it had gone.

John shook his head as he slouched down onto the sofa, Lorne sitting beside him, and Elizabeth’s face fell. “None of them?” she asked.

John took a deep breath. “Carson could do it if he wasn’t so scared. He was better in space than in atmosphere. But he tired pretty quickly, and frankly, he was terrified of making a mistake. Rodney was okay at it. Wobbly, as we’d anticipated – he’s not great at keeping the jumpers straight either – but that doesn’t matter too much in space. It’s more of an issue if he needs to land somewhere. He found it harder than the jumpers, the same way as Lorne and I did, but he could do it. Miko wasn’t too bad, I think she’d actually be my first choice.” He raised his eyebrows at Evan who nodded. “Parkes and Smithers were about the same. They can do it, it took a lot of concentration, and their minds tired quickly. Neither of them are pilots. They’re pretty good with the jumpers, but the jumpers are very responsive, whereas this warship needs a lot more focussed attention.”

Evan shifted on the sofa, resettling himself a little. “Dr McKay thinks it’s because it’s older tech, and of course, there’s so much more that you need to control. Atlantis herself would be easier to fly, because she’s newer, the interface is substantially more refined, and the city can control a lot of the shipboard functions herself. On the Avenger, the pilot’s got a lot to consider. It’s mentally tiring.”

“But you two can manage it?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yeah. No problems,” John said, smiling.

“Are you tired from today?”

“I didn’t do anything – well, I helped out a couple of times, but that was it. Lorne took off and landed. How are you feeling, Major?”

“Okay. A little tired, but nowhere near last time. But then, same as you, Sir. I did much less. A nice big lunch and an easy afternoon, and I’ll be fine.”

John laughed. “I hope you consider helping the civilians who are rated for off-world activities through the Ninja course to be ‘an easy afternoon’.”

Lorne laughed too, acknowledging the hit. “Maybe an early night then, instead.”

John stood. “At the end of the day, we have a spaceship, we have two pilots with experience in flight and battle, and five pilots that could step in and manage. The protocol should be we never launch without a minimum of two pilots if it’s Lorne and I, or three pilots if it’s any other combination. That way, as people tire, another pilot can take over.”

“Okay, that sounds good,” Elizabeth said. “Why don’t you sit on Adi’s balcony for a while, Major? That should freshen you up for your energetic afternoon.”

John smirked at her. “You’re rated for off-world activities, Elizabeth. We’re expecting to see you in the Ninja Room too.”

“I wouldn’t miss it, Colonel. I’m hoping to get past the third obstacle today.”

They all laughed, and John and Evan made their way out, heading for lunch and a brief rest before tackling their afternoon.

A few days later, John stood on the edge of a field near the Athosian village and watched as Adi showed off her skill with bow and arrow. The Daedalus had brought a number of bows with them, but Adi, of course, had her own.

The Athosians hovered around the edge of the clearing, along with more than fifty of the Lanteans, watching as Adi pulled the bowstring back, settled for a fleeting moment, and then loosed her first arrow. Before it had even struck the target, she’d nocked a second arrow and it was flying after the first. Then a third, a fourth, a fifth.

Five seemed to be the magic number for Capeliga as Adi stopped once the fifth arrow had left the string, and lowered the bow.

A cheer went up around the clearing as everyone took in the fact that all five arrows had pierced the dead centre of the target. They were clustered in a tight ring, right in the middle of the centre circle. If they’d been scoring in an Earth tournament, they’d have marked them all as X.

John joined in the cheering. The combination of speed and accuracy was pretty amazing. He wondered how much time Adi had spent honing her skills. There was the axe throwing as well, at which she pretty much kicked ass. It seemed all of these Pegasus natives had some instinctive fighting skill.

Adi had retrieved her arrows and was now giving a demonstration of how to nock an arrow, draw the bow and fire. The onlookers were hanging on her every word, and he noticed the slightest thrum of tension running through her body as they started to cluster closer. “Stay back, people,” he called out. “Give Adi some room while she’s explaining, so everyone can see.”

The crowd shuffled back a little, and Adi threw John a grateful look, quickly returning to her tutelage. Then the demonstration was over, and Adi was offering people the chance to have a try.

The Athosians had built ten butts in total, dedicating this clearing to archery. Each butt had an Earth target face pinned to it - the Daedalus had delivered a huge stack of target faces – and John remembered the look of confusion on Adi’s face when she’d seen the marines hanging them up. Her people used a splash of natural dye or attached a flower to the target to mark their aiming point.

John stood to the side and watched as five Athosians and five Lanteans took to the firing line. Adi went along the line carefully correcting feet and elbows, finger placement and aim. It was interesting to watch her. With some people she stood patiently to the side and verbally described to them how to improve their stance, with others she simply reached out and manoeuvred the offending body part into place. John took note of which Athosians clearly had blue-green auras – two of them – and which didn’t.

He turned to face the other way and watched as Ronon pulled knives from all over his body - and out of his dreadlocks - and sent them winging into a tall, slender target in an adjacent clearing. The trees grew thinly here, and John’s view was unobstructed. Adi had started the afternoon tournament with an axe throwing demonstration and tuition, and there were still several people throwing axes at other targets in the clearing, but John was fascinated watching Ronon’s natural athleticism, his body flowing as he pulled a knife, threw and pulled another, never slowing or fumbling. Every knife struck the target and wobbled as the blade embedded itself.

John had had a go at the axe throwing and had found it very therapeutic. Once he’d worked out the correct distance to stand from the target for his throw length, the sound of the axe head embedding itself into the wood sent a surge of visceral satisfaction through his body. He could have stayed there for a good while longer, but he’d wanted to be where Adi was, make sure she was okay in this crowd. She’d only met the Athosians once, on the day she’d read their auras for Lorne’s list. Teyla had said she’d informed her people of Adi’s aversion to touch, but he was still worried enough to keep an eye on her.

Some of those who had been watching the archery display were moving away now, heading back to the axe throwing, or across to a large field where a mock-football match was in progress, or back to the village for some refreshments.

Elizabeth was coming his way, and John stopped leaning against his tree and straightened up, smiling at her. Elizabeth rarely left Atlantis. It was good for her to get out, do something fun for a change.

“Well, Colonel. I’m impressed. Adi has many talents, it seems.”

“Yeah. She’s pretty good at this stuff.”

“Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. I haven’t heard this much laughter in a long while.”

John smirked. “You need to get out more, Elizabeth. We have lots of laughs off-world.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Yes, I’ve read your mission reports. Running and fighting and being captured. A laugh a minute, I’m sure.”

“You just have to see the positive,” he deadpanned.

Elizabeth laughed. “Well, I think I’ll head back to the village. I’d like to chat with Charin.” She slipped away and John returned to leaning against his tree and watching Adi. Some of the archers were handing the bows over to new people, Rodney included, and she was returning to the top of the row to restart her gentle tutelage.

If he stayed here much longer, people would start to take note, wonder why he was just hovering, staring at Adi, and with that thought, a frisson of discomfort ran through him. He sighed. Clearly, he still wasn’t ready to let his feelings out into the open. He whistled quietly and Corporal Smithers turned his way. John beckoned him over.

“Smithers, can you please keep an eye on Adi? Stay close, make sure no-one touches her or invades her space.”

“Yes, Sir. I’ll be happy to.” He smiled widely and John had a sudden and rather unsettling thought that maybe Smithers was interested in Adi. Still… he couldn’t stay here, so he nodded and sauntered off through the trees, gathering Ronon and heading for the football match.

The afternoon was waning by the time the rather rough-and-ready match came to an end. They’d had over forty players on the field, all genders, all ages, a good mix of Athosians and Lanteans, and the rules had pretty much disappeared, but the sheer pleasure of running around in a field full of happy people was worth it. John was sweaty and nicely worn and he headed for the village to find something to drink.

The plan was to stay for dinner and a bonfire before heading back to Atlantis. John had been coerced into bringing his guitar so he could provide some of the entertainment, and he found himself actually looking forward to it.

He looked around for Adi, but she wasn’t in the village that he could see.

Teyla saw him and came across. “Colonel. It seems you've had an energetic afternoon.” She was probably referring to the sweat beading on his forehead, the wet patches under his arms.

“You Athosians sure know how to run, Teyla.”

She laughed quietly. “If you are wondering where Adi is, she's taking the bows apart and storing them back in their cases. She called a halt not long ago, saying there was insufficient daylight for safety with so many novices.”

John nodded. “Was Smithers still with her?”

“Ah, no. Ronon had taken over. He is with her now.”

John glanced in the direction of the archery field, wondering if he should wander out there and help, but instead, he saw Ronon and Adi appearing from the trees, heading for the village. And then one of his marines called out to attract his attention, wanting him to join a conversation about great football plays of the past, and he was drawn into their group and lost track of Adi completely.

Adi had mostly enjoyed her afternoon. The sheer number of people was a little disconcerting, but she knew – or recognised at least – most of the Lanteans, so it was only the Athosians who were unfamiliar. There had been a few moments where she’d felt a little panicky, as the group of people had crowded towards her, but John had stopped them, made them move back, and then, a while later, Corporal Smithers had approached and told her the Colonel had asked him to keep Adi safe, and then later still, Ronon had taken over, giving her the protection of his company.

It saddened her to feel so uneasy amongst these people. These were her friends; they were her new community. But the abuses she had suffered had left her with deep emotional scars, and if she wasn’t able to be at ease, then at least she had had the good fortune to find a place amongst people who understood, who actively tried not to overwhelm her, who took steps to keep her safe, to make her feel comfortable.

Finally, she called a halt to the archery and axe throwing, saying the dusk was too advanced to continue in safety, and Ronon helped her to dismantle the bows and gather the axes, before lugging all the gear back to the village for safe keeping.

She stayed with Ronon as they selected foods for the evening meal, and sat around the edge of the bonfire with Rodney, Teyla, John and Elizabeth. The conversation was engaging, as Teyla described life in the Athosian village, and Rodney crowed about his success with bow and arrow. But Adi still felt a little uncomfortable, a little jumpy, being surrounded by so many unfamiliar people, especially as darkness fell and it was harder to see who was nearby.

Everyone was gathering about the fire now, as the night rose around them, and Adi snuggled in against Ronon’s side, needing the safety of knowing she had a warrior – someone who would defend her – right there with her.

Eventually, everyone had eaten and, with the bonfire burning down to a comfortable level where they could see each other across the flames, the entertainment portion of the evening began. The Athosians kicked it off with a festive dance, followed by some singing and drumming. Then everyone seemed to be up and dancing around the fire, and Ronon coerced Adi into joining him, letting her put her back to his chest and dance that way, where she could see who was about her. After a while, people grew tired and settled themselves back down around the embers, and the marines called for John to play his guitar.

As he started to strum some Johnnie Cash, Ronon leaned forward and whispered in Adi’s ear. “I need to go…”

Adi nodded, understanding it was a call of nature. But she wasn’t comfortable sitting without someone right there with her, protecting her, and she knew she couldn’t sit with John – and not just because he was playing the guitar. So, spotting Evan on the far side of the fire, she stood when Ronon did, and as he headed for the darkness, she quickly moved around the clearing to Evan’s side, her arms crossed over her stomach, feeling uncomfortable in the flickering light with so many people half-hidden in the darkness.

Evan saw her coming and smiled in welcome, shifting slightly to make space for her beside him. But Adi sank down in front of him instead, leaning awkwardly against his crossed legs, needing to know that no-one would come on her from behind. Evan adjusted his stance, uncrossing his legs and setting them, knees bent, to either side of her body, and she shifted closer so she was leaning right up against his chest. She felt his arms circle around her waist, pulling her close, and she sighed, feeling safe. She glanced towards John and saw his eyes were on her, glinting in the light from the fire, his expression unreadable. A gust of wind blew the chill night air across her skin, making her shiver slightly, and Evan’s arms tightened around her, his head bending forward so his mouth was close to her ear. “Are you okay, Adi? Is everything all right?”

She nodded and snuggled a little closer. Evan’s aura was blending perfectly with her own, and she was so comfortable. His body heat was warming her, and she knew she was safe with him. She relaxed into his embrace and let her mind just drift, a welcome break from the heightened sense of personal awareness she’d been in all day. Evan and John and Ronon would keep her safe. Nothing would hurt her while they were here. After a while she felt her eyes closing, and let them, listening to the soft sound of John’s voice singing along to his guitar, someone else taking over when he’d had enough.

Sometime later she felt Evan stir, and she took a deep breath, opening her eyes and sitting up. All around them, the crowd was starting to break up, the Athosians bidding people good night and heading for their beds. The Lanteans were moving towards the jumper parking area, and Adi accepted Evan’s hands in hers, helping pull her to her feet. She laughed softly. “I seem to have been almost asleep on you, Major. I am sorry if I seemed rude.”

Evan grinned at her. “Nope. You kept me nicely warm.”

John appeared silently at her side, the guitar case in one hand, and she smiled at him. “I enjoyed your playing very much, Colonel.”

He smiled back at her, but didn’t speak, just walked beside her, as Ronon, Teyla and Rodney also joined them, making their way all together to the jumpers. And then Evan peeled away towards Jumper Three, nodding at Adi as he left, and Adi smiled after him.

She boarded the jumper, feeling calmer. These were good people, and she had found many friends here. She remembered back, all those months, to the first sight she had had of these Lanteans, striding through the Bola Kai village where she’d been held captive, and she sent a silent thank you winging up into the sky, so very grateful that she had been rescued and brought to live amongst such people.

The flight back was quiet, everyone in an introspective mood.

John’s thoughts were tumbling around in his mind. Every time he thought he had Adi safely to himself, she’d do something that made him feel very unsure. He’d had no problem with her sitting with Ronon, but when Ronon had left the fire, Adi could just have stayed sitting with Rodney and Teyla and John and Elizabeth. But she hadn’t. She’d crossed to Lorne. And she hadn’t just sat with him, she’d snuggled in between his legs, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close, and she’d closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest, and had looked as if she were sleeping… with Lorne. And Lorne had looked very comfortable with the whole situation. It had left John with a very hollow feeling inside. He knew she trusted Lorne, just as she trusted him. He just hoped that’s all it was. He wasn’t sure that his own particular brand of emotional constipation would stand up against his very articulate XO’s no doubt awesome skills at self-expression.

By the time John settled the jumper safely in the Bay, he’d realised that he really wasn’t going to be able to sleep without getting Adi alone and holding her in his arms. He hadn’t, all day, he hadn’t. He wished he felt more comfortable exposing himself that way, but he just didn’t. And as embarrassing as it was, he needed the reassurance that he wasn’t losing her to Lorne. Teyla had been right last time, when she’d said that the things Adi did that upset him might just be a cultural difference. He sighed as he thought the rear hatch open.

But all his plans came to nought as Sergeant Stackhouse loomed up beside him as he exited the jumper.

“Sir, I hope you’ve had a nice outing. I didn’t want to trouble you while you were on the mainland—” and then there was a story of a couple of the scientists going off to explore on their own and getting stuck in a room in a tower on the far side of the city, and radioing for help. Marines had been dispatched, but no-one had been able to get the room to open up, and the scientists had gone unnervingly quiet. The rescue attempt had been going on for over an hour, but the lack of response to radio calls was only in the last ten minutes.

John geared up and headed straight for the site of the latest disaster, Stackhouse, Lorne and Rodney at his side. They eventually managed to get the doors open – a combination of Rodney’s technical jiggling and John’s pleas to Atlantis – and found the scientists unconscious on the floor, a strange smelling gas in the air. They quickly retreated, donned hazmat suits, and pulled the unconscious bodies out into the hallway, sending them to the infirmary. Then John managed to convince Atlantis to suck the weird gas out of the room, rendering it safe, and Rodney hooked up his laptop to see what the room actually was.

By the time everything was over, and John had checked in with the infirmary to hear that the scientists had both regained consciousness with no indication of long-term side effects, and had written up the after-action report, it was nearly 0200hrs.

He sighed and went straight to his own room. It was way too late to be bothering Adi now. He hopped in the shower, berating himself for not having had the courage to tell Adi how he felt. What if she decided that Lorne was just more available to her, easier to get along with? Clearly Lorne was happy to touch her in public, had no problem with letting others see their… friendship. John washed his hair, wanting to make sure none of the weird gas was still clinging to him anywhere. He sighed internally. He really sucked at relationships.

He thought the shower off and dried himself, dressing for bed. But after ten minutes of lying there, staring at the ceiling and feeling a sense of impending doom pressing on his chest, he flung the covers off and slipped out of his room, up the hall to Adi’s.

Atlantis let him straight in, and he paused inside the room, softly calling out, “Adi, it’s just John, I’m in your room.” She stirred briefly, and a hand rose from the blankets.

“John?” her voice was slurred, as if she wasn’t fully awake. “Come. Lie with me.”

He shucked his clothes and slid into the bed, relishing the feel of Adi’s body as she turned to him, snuggling up against him.

“I am glad you are here,” she whispered, her head heavy against his shoulder. And then her breathing evened out as her body went limp, and John knew she’d only roused enough to know it was him, and now, feeling safe, she’d slid back into sleep.

He smiled to himself. She was glad he’d come. She’d said so. Good.

And feeling happier than he’d felt all day, he tightened his hold around her soft, warm body, gently kissed the top of her head, and let his consciousness slide away.

Chapter Text

The Senior Staff meeting had been going for almost an hour, when Doctors Zelenka and Lambrun suddenly burst into the conference room.

Radek’s hair was standing up all over the place, and he was already talking as he came through the doors, not even caring that Dr Weir had been mid-sentence.

“We have found ZPM place… in notes from Adi’s planet! ZPM!” He was bouncing in place, his laptop held open in his hands, and Dr Lambrun standing behind him was beaming from ear to ear, jiggling from foot to foot.

“Wow! Doc. Calm down for a moment,” John said, leaning forward, eyes glowing at the mention of ZPMs. “Take a seat and tell us all about it.”

They sat, but Radek was unable to stay still. Rodney reached across for his laptop, but Radek pulled it sharply away from Rodney’s reach.

“Let Dr Zelenka tell us, Rodney,” Elizabeth said. “Radek, please go ahead.”

Radek was still fizzing with excitement, his English falling apart with the excitement running through him. “Dr Lambrun has been going through remainder of information Rodney downloaded from Ancient Facility on Adi’s planet. Dr McKay and I read only enough to understand purpose of facility, but then handed information to linguists.”

“Yes, yes,” Rodney snapped. “Get to the bit about the ZedPM.”

Radek nodded dizzily and, pushing his glasses up his nose, continued swiftly on. “He found information about full ZPM that Colonel Sheppard found at facility. It was, maybe… order form or delivery docket, perhaps. It showed name of planet that supplied ZPM.”

Around the table, everyone was leaning forward, eyes locked to Dr Zelenka.

“He brought planet name to me, and we ran it through Ancient database, and… we have gate address… for place that supplied full ZPM on Adi’s planet.”

Rodney leaned right across Radek now and yanked his laptop over, staring at the information on the screen. There was a babble of voices around the room, everyone expressing their joy, amazement and excitement.

“Radek! This is amazing,” John said over the top of the voices. “Dr Lambrun, well done.” He turned to Elizabeth. “Permission to go ZPM hunting?”

“Granted,” Elizabeth said, her face alight with anticipation. “Oh, please let this lead prove to be true.”

Rodney had been reading the information on the planet that supposedly had sent the ZedPM to Capeliga. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. They may just have transferred the ZedPM from an abandoned facility to Capeliga, it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to find a ZedPM storage facility or factory.”

“Aww come on, McKay, let us just have these few moments of hope,” John said. “Don’t be a Grinch, just because you didn’t find it.”

Rodney glowered at him.

“What’s the planet like?” Evan asked, hoping to divert a possible McKay-rant.

“It’s a moon, not a planet,” Rodney snarked, looking back at the laptop. “The atmosphere looks like it’s barely breathable.”

“Okay, well, let’s send a MALP and get some data that’s not 10,000 years old, and then we can gear up and head through.” John’s eyes were wide and sparkling. He loved the anticipation of ZPM hunting – it just almost never ended well.

“Agreed,” Elizabeth said, and the entire Senior Staff leapt to their feet and fell over each other on their way out the door.

“Banks,” John called as he approached her. “We need you to dial up a planet for us.”

“Moon,” Rodney corrected, as he pushed to the front and shoved John lightly out of the way.

John didn’t care. He was across at the railing calling down to the marines on guard duty to ready a MALP. They were kept in a room to the side of the gate room, so it was only a matter of ninety seconds or so, and the MALP was standing in front of the gate, ready to deploy.

John turned back to Sergeant Banks. “Dial it up.”

Amelia had caught on to the excitement that was thrumming through everyone, and she quickly entered the address. The wormhole engaged and the MALP started to lumber forward, disappearing through the event horizon. Immediately, footage began to display on Banks’ computer screen, and the Senior Staff clustered around, watching.

It was dark on the other side – pitch black – and the MALP’s lights flicked on automatically, its camera scrolling in all directions, showing darkness and not much else. It was programmed to seek the DHD and it did, the image coming through clearly, showing the DHD in perfect condition.

“No life signs, Sir,” Amelia reported, reading the information streaming to the side of her screen. “Atmosphere is breathable, temperature is eighteen degrees Celsius.”

“You have a go, Colonel,” Elizabeth said, and John, who'd been bouncing on his toes, grinned and all but ran for the armoury.

Within five minutes John’s team were geared up and ready to depart. As they approached the wormhole, John stopped, his team stopping in response. He looked them over. “I know it’s exciting, but it’s also unknown territory. So, let’s get our heads in the game. Weapons up, and let’s go see what we’ve found.”

Everyone nodded, and together they entered the wormhole.

Teyla, Rodney and Ronon emerged into broad sunshine. They were on the side of a mountain, the wormhole behind them flickering out as soon as they were through. John was nowhere to be seen.

Ronon flicked his gun to kill, even as he growled out, “Where is he? McKay? Where’s Sheppard?”

“And where are we?” Teyla asked, scanning the surroundings, P-90 held at the ready.

Rodney was gaping at the vista laid out before them, turning blindly in a circle, trying to see where John could be.

“McKay!” Ronon roared. “Where the hell’s Sheppard?”

“I don’t know,” Rodney said, scrambling down the steep incline to the DHD. “I don’t think we’re where we’re meant to be.” He quickly checked for a Genii device, but there was none.

“Perhaps we had better dial Atlantis,” Teyla said, coming to stand near Rodney, still scanning the surrounding mountainside.

Rodney was already reaching to do just that, and within moments the event horizon whooshed into being and Rodney was on the radio. “Atlantis, this is Dr McKay. Do you have Sheppard?”

“Negative.” It was Major Lorne’s voice. “What’s your situation?”

“Well, we… we’re coming through. Lower the shield.”

He pulled his GDO from his pocket and quickly sent the signal, and then as it turned green, he, Ronon and Teyla stepped through to Atlantis.

“What happened?” Elizabeth was hurrying down the staircase.

Before she reached them, the gate started to light up, and they hurried to the side as an incoming wormhole established. “I’m receiving Colonel Sheppard’s IDC,” Banks called.

Lorne tapped his radio. “Colonel? What’s your situation?”

“My team’s missing. I can’t find them.”

“We have them here, Sir. Are you safe?”

There was relief in John’s voice as he responded to the question. “Yes, Major. I’m safe. What happened?”

“We ended up on the side of a mountain somewhere! That’s what happened!” Rodney’s voice was sharp, shedding the anxiety he’d felt when Sheppard had disappeared.

“Really? Weird. I’m here, in the facility. The lights are all on now and, well, I’m all alone here.”

Zelenka had joined the group near the gate and suddenly his head lifted. His eyes met Rodney’s. “Do you think—”

“Yes, of course it must be, but not even my—”

“Well, no, clearly not. But Major Lorne—”

“Yes, yes of course he needs to go—”

“Hold up fellas, you’re not making any sense,” Lorne said.

“It’s only allowing those with ATA genes through the gate to the facility. Anyone else is diverted to an alternate gate,” Rodney explained. “Not even the artificial gene was good enough. You need to gear up, Major.”

“Hang on a minute,” John’s voice came through on the radio. “Let’s not risk anyone else. I’ll just take a look around and—”

Elizabeth cut him off. “I’d rather you weren’t exploring on your own, Colonel. Stay where you are, and we’ll send Major Lorne through with an ATA team in five minutes.”

“No,” John’s voice said. “Just Lorne. I don’t want to risk more people than we need to. Just send Lorne.”

Elizabeth nodded at Evan, even as she responded. “Okay, the Major’s gearing up now. Stay put, John. I mean that.”

Evan had disappeared towards the armoury, and there was nothing to do but wait. The wormhole shut down, and then, when Lorne reappeared a few minutes later, fully geared up, Amelia dialled again, and he stepped through.

He emerged into a room that was clearly underground but very well-lit, and John was standing nearby, smiling at him. Evan tapped his radio, “I’ve arrived at the facility, Atlantis, and Colonel Sheppard’s here. You can shut the wormhole down.”

The shimmering blue disappeared immediately, and Lorne walked the few steps across to John’s position. “Are you all right, Sir?”

“Yeah. And my team’s okay?”

“Completely. They just got diverted mid-journey. Came straight home, no problems. McKay and Zelenka think the Ancients set this so only pure ATAs can reach the facility. Anyone else is shunted away.”

John smirked. “Kinda glad I missed McKay’s response to being unworthy of entry to the Castle of ZPMs.”

Evan laughed. “What have you found so far?” He was gazing around the area. The ceilings were high, and there were doorways opening off in several directions.

“I didn’t go far. Basically just searched this room for bodies, and glanced through each of the doors. When I couldn’t find my team, I dialled home.”

“Okay then, let’s begin.”

They went through the first door which opened into a short hall, connecting the entry room with a room as big as a warehouse, filled with construction equipment. They gazed around for a moment, before starting a systematic search. There was nothing to suggest what the equipment was designed to do… until they reached the back of the room and found another room beyond.

And inside…

John and Evan stood on the threshold of what could only be described as a drone storage depot. Floor to ceiling racks, stocked to the gills with drones. The room was easily the same size as the manufacturing plant behind them, storage racks running like library shelves from one side to the other. And drones… so many drones. John’s mouth had fallen open and he was just staring, eyes wide.

“Major, are you seeing what I’m seeing?” John’s voice was soft and deep, the wonder of the discovery almost unnerving.

Lorne swallowed. “If you’re seeing thousands of drones, Sir, then yeah, I think I am.”

John whistled. “This is… I… The…” He stopped and laughed. “Clearly I have no words to describe this.”

“Right there with you, Sir,” Evan responded, still looking around him in disbelief. “There’s enough drones here to restock Atlantis, every jumper, the Avenger and the weapons platform in Antarctica, and still have spares.”

John looked behind them, “And the equipment to make more.”

They turned to look at each other, eyes holding as they each thought about what this discovery would mean. Evan spotted another door, and they quickly crossed to it. Inside were large crates of raw materials, lined up along the walls.

“Okay, so we’re set up to make more drones,” John said, “but we’d need to bring someone through to work out how.”

“Miko’s got the ATA gene, and she’s pretty useful around Ancient tech.”

John nodded. “Let’s see what else we’ve got here.”

They returned to the entry hall and opened the next door. This one had multiple doors opening off it, and they were all bedrooms. Six in all; the set up was very similar to the accommodations on Atlantis.

“So they had a crew that lived here to operate the facility then.”

“Yeah, constantly pumping out drones to resupply the warships for the battle against the Wraith.”

John led the way back to the entry hall and they moved around the wall to door number three. There was only one more after this one. His gaze caught Evan’s, and he knew what they were both hoping to find.

But this hallway was similar to the last one. Not bedrooms, but other living quarters – lounge room, dining room, kitchen, laundry. This was clearly where the six workers came to eat and relax.

And that left one door.

It was a small room, about the size of Rodney’s lab in Atlantis. A few consoles were scattered about, a couple of benches… and in the front corner there was a ZPM power console, the same as the one in Atlantis, but with slots for just two ZPMs rather than three.

John felt his breath hitch as he and Lorne stood there, staring down.

There was only one ZPM installed, but it was glowing warmly, the energy clearly being used to power the facility. He heard Lorne swallow next to him, and watched as his hand reached out to caress the top of the power module.

“Can we take it, Sir?” he asked, his voice hushed. “Because won’t that mean… I mean, if we take it…”

John nodded reluctantly. “Yeah, if we take it, there’s no power for the facility.” He sighed.

“How full do you think it is?”

“No idea. Rodney would know. Maybe we could swap it with the almost empty one… oh, no, Rodney sent that one to Earth.” He sighed again, and dragged his eyes away from the ZPM – ZPM! – and glanced around the rest of the room. “Let’s check the rest of this place out.”

Lorne nodded and they moved around the room. There really wasn’t much here at all. Then John spotted another door, on the far side. “Hey, Lorne!” He pointed, and together they crossed to it.

The door slid open at John’s mental command, and his mouth suddenly went dry as his eyes were caught by the colourful glitter of ZPMs.

The room was far, far smaller than the drone storage room – really just a large closet, and it was almost empty, its shelves sitting bare, but… on the shelf right in front of them sat four ZPMs. Four shiny new ZPMS sitting on the shelf, just ready for them to take...

John reached out a hand that was shaking a little, and gripped Evan’s shoulder. “Tell me I’m not dreaming, Lorne.”

“Not unless we’re both dreaming the same thing, Sir.” Evan’s voice was breathless, as if there just wasn’t enough oxygen to speak properly.

He took a step forward, John’s hand falling away, and ran his fingers over one of the ZPMs. “Do you think they’re full? New? Ready to use?”

“I don’t know but I really, really hope so.” John turned to the lab behind them. “Let’s see if there’s a device in here that’ll measure them for us.”

They crossed to the closest console, powering it up and trying to translate the information on the start-up screen. It didn’t seem hopeful, so they split up and moved on, trying some of the other consoles.

After a few minutes, Evan suddenly called out, “Sir, there’s a ZPM port on the side of this console, and there’s a screen here with a… well, perhaps you can check my rather dodgy understanding of Ancient, Sir.”

John was already across the room and closing on Evan’s position, and he gazed at the device and the screen. “Yeah, that’ll measure it.” He collected one of the ZPMs and reverently fitted it into the slot. The screen displayed a grey circle, but the Ancient blue colour slowly started to work its way around the circle, colouring in as it went, all the way around until the arc met itself.

John and Evan stared at the complete circle on the screen. “I read that as one hundred percent, Sir. Do you agree?”

“Yeah, I do. Let’s measure the rest.”

Fifteen minutes passed as they carefully lifted and carried the ZPMs, placing them in the device, measuring, then carrying them back to the cupboard. When they were done, they stood, staring at the glittering modules.

“Four, fully charged, ZPMs,” John said. He’d had time to get used to the idea now, but his tone was still reverent.

“What do you think we should do with them, Sir? Do you think we can make more?” Evan turned to survey the room. “I haven’t seen anything that looks like raw materials in here.”

“No, me neither. But right now, I’m thinking we swap one of these full ones for that one that’s powering the facility now, and see how much charge is in that one.”

Lorne nodded, then stilled. “What if we’re reading this wrong, Sir? What if they’re not full – what if it was showing us how empty they are, instead? And we put in a dead one and take out the one with energy still in it? It might upset the system, and, if nothing else, the lighting and life support’ll fail.”

John looked at him, pursing his lips. “Well, there’s plenty of air in here to be going on with, so I’m not too worried about that. And we can just put the current one back in.”

“And if it doesn’t accept it for some reason? I think I’d feel safer if we knew for sure that these new ones are definitely full.”

John nodded slowly. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s finish exploring, and then we’ll dial Atlantis and have a chat with Rodney.” They explored the ZPM lab very thoroughly, opening some cupboards along one wall, this time deliberately seeking the materials to manufacture more. Eventually John settled onto one of the stools and shook his head. “Nothing. There’s just nothing here.”

“Maybe they were waiting on a delivery of raw materials, or maybe we just have no idea how they actually made them.”

“Yeah,” John sighed, swivelling on his stool.

“The console over there, with the ZPM slot in the side…. maybe they didn’t manufacture them here, Sir, perhaps they just recharged them.”

John nodded. “Yeah, maybe. So, we still need Miko. She can at least get the information from the terminals and work out if this is a manufacturing plant or not.”

“And if it’s a place to recharge them, we can put one of the new ones in here, and recharge the one that’s in use, and still have four new ZPMs,” Evan said hopefully.

“Yeah. And we’ve got the empty one from Capeliga, and the empty one Stackhouse’s team found. And if we give Earth one of the full ones, they can send the almost empty one back, and then we can try to recharge that too.”

“And the kids’ planet. Perhaps we could recharge that one as well.”

John grinned. “That’d be cool. I’d like to keep them safe.”

“So do you think we’ll get to keep two of the ZPMs for Atlantis, send the other two back to Earth?”

John nodded. “That’ll be my recommendation. Fingers crossed the IOA’ll be happy with two. They can power the Ancient Weapons console in Atlantis and have one at the SGC. Or they can share one ZPM between those two, and use the other one to super-charge the Daedalus. Whatever, it gives them options, and enough energy to effectively defend Earth. Especially when we hand over a butt-ton of drones to replenish their chair.”

Evan grinned. “This is the best day ever in Pegasus so far, Sir. Drones, ZPMs, no-one shot at us…”

John laughed. “And we know we can dial home, because I already have. Let’s go give them an update now, and then we need to start packing up the drones for transport.”

“Unscheduled off-world activation,” Chuck called out, as the Stargate whooshed into being. “Colonel Sheppard’s IDC.”

Rodney was halfway down the staircase to the gate room floor when he realised that John was talking, not appearing. He ran back up the stairs and crossed to Chuck’s console, just beating Elizabeth there.

“Colonel! What have you found?” Rodney asked, his voice breathless.

“Hiya, Rodney.” John’s drawl was deeper than usual, more teasing.

“Don’t hold me in suspense, Sheppard!” Rodney snapped. “Did you find a ZedPM or not?”

“Hold your right hand up in front of your face, McKay.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

Rodney huffed out a long-suffering sigh, and lifted his hand up. “Yes? And? So?”

“Fold down your thumb.”

Rodney rolled his eyes, but complied.

“How many fingers can you see?”

“Four! What the hell has this got to do with anything? Is there some weird drug that you’ve ingested? Are you drunk? Are there space aliens there who’ve dissolved your brain?”

“Nope. None of the above.” The smirk was audible, even across the radio waves. “But the number of fingers you can see is the number of ZPMs we can see.”

There was silence in the Atlantis Control Room. Utter silence.

And then…

“What?!” Rodney screeched. “You found four ZedPMs? Are they full? Can you tell? Why haven’t you sent them back yet? For that matter, why haven’t you come through the gate? What are you staying there for? Grab the ZedPMs and run!”

The sound of Lorne and Sheppard laughing came across the radio. Then Lorne spoke. “Dr McKay, we can’t come back just yet. We’ve found a few other things and we need you to send Dr Kusanagi through with a laptop to check some things out for us please.”

Elizabeth stepped forward. “Major Lorne, can you please give a full report, starting with why you and Colonel Sheppard are not returning?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Evan said, his tone becoming serious immediately. “We don’t want to come back in case we can’t get here again. And we’ve found the four ZPMs, which we believe are fully charged – although we’d like Dr Kusanagi to check that – as well as another one that’s powering this facility, plus thousands of drones, and a drone factory and probably not a ZPM factory but maybe some information about how they’re created… or not. That’s why we want Miko.”

John’s voice kicked back in at this point, far more serious than when he’d been teasing Rodney. “Elizabeth, we need you to send through some trolleys for the drones, so we can load them all up and bring them back. As Lorne said, we’re concerned that if we don’t take everything in one go, then we might lose the chance to have them if the connection decides, for any reason, that we’re not pure enough to come here again.”

The people in the Control Room had all been standing in shock at Major Lorne’s pronouncement, but the Colonel’s request for trolleys had caused Chuck to activate his radio and request trolleys be brought to the gate room.

“Colonel,” Elizabeth said, her voice a little dazed, “this is… amazing. I… Okay, we’ll get Miko for you and the trolleys are being collected now.”

“When the gate shuts down, Elizabeth, I want you to dial back straight away and send the trolleys. The MALP made it through okay, so the trolleys should as well. And when you send Miko through, I want non-ATA armed guards with her in case she’s shunted aside, like my team were. If she makes it through, then the marines can just dial back home from wherever they end up.”

“Understood, Colonel. The trolleys are in place now, so we’ll shut down the gate and dial you straight back.”

About fifteen minutes later, John and Evan, who were busy stacking drones onto the first trolley, heard the sound of the Stargate activating, and hurried out to the entry room.

Miko emerged from the wormhole, unaccompanied, then fell forward onto her knees and started to vomit.

The wormhole shut down as the two men raced to her side.

“Miko?” Evan called, as he slid in next to her, laying his hand across her back. “Are you okay?”

John was on her other side, kneeling beside her, wiping her forehead with a wet towelette from his tac vest. Miko leaned against him, groaning. John wriggled around until he could get one arm under her legs and the other around her back, then carefully stood and carried her into the ZPM lab, laying her gently down on one of the benches.

She was very pale, her eyes half closed, and was breathing very carefully, mouth open. “Miko?” John said gently. “Miko, are you in there?”

“O…kay,” she got out amid the deep, huffy breaths. “Dizzy. Nau…seous.”

“Take your time. Just breathe. There’s no hurry.” John turned his head to look back out the door. He could see Lorne cleaning up the vomit.

A couple of minutes later, Evan joined them in the ZPM lab. “Is she okay?”

“Better,” Miko muttered, still breathing very carefully. Some colour was starting to return to her face.

“What do you think happened, Sir?”

John’s eyes were fixed on Miko’s face. “I think her ATA gene is only just strong enough to make it through.”

Evan nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Shall we send her back now? Dr Beckett should probably have a look at her.”

“ ‘m okay.” Miko flailed her hand a little, and Evan caught it in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze.

John pursed his lips, considering. If he sent Miko straight back now, he and Evan would have to try and download all the terminals themselves, which meant they could easily miss something important. But Miko wasn’t looking all that great, even now. He turned to Evan. “Go dial Atlantis. Tell them what happened. No-one else is to try and come through – that’s an order. But ask Beckett to send through a medical kit so we can check her out, and include some anti-nausea meds.”

Evan nodded and disappeared, and John pulled up a stool and sat beside Miko.

A short while later, Evan reappeared with a medical bag. “Carson isn’t very happy with you, Colonel. He wants his patient back in Atlantis, right now. But he’s sent what we need.”

John smiled grimly. “That’s why I sent you to dial them, Major. That way you were just following orders, and I didn’t have to deal with an irate doctor.” He was opening the bag and pulling out bits and pieces, even while he was talking. With Evan’s help, they took Miko’s blood pressure, pulse, and temperature, and checked that her pupils were appropriately responsive. Everything checked out.

Miko submitted to the intrusive tests with no complaint, letting John roll up her sleeve and inject the anti-nausea medication Carson had sent. Then they sat to wait. After about ten minutes, Miko’s breathing evened out to normal, and she seemed to almost doze off, so John left Evan with her and went back to loading drones. This place, for all its wonders, was starting to give him the heebie-jeebies. He just wanted to take everything and get them all safely home to Atlantis. Miko’s ATA gene expression was fairly strong, so if this was her reaction, then really only himself and Evan could safely come here. Maybe Carson would be okay, but John would prefer not to try. Watching gentle Miko keel over like that had been a very unwelcome shock. John didn’t want any more of his people to suffer like that.

He was onto the third trolley of drones when he heard voices and, glancing up, saw Evan and Miko walking towards him across the drone factory floor. Miko was looking much better – her colour was good and she walked without evident dizziness.

“How are you feeling now?” John asked, and Miko smiled sweetly. “I am much better, Colonel Sheppard, thank you. I am very sorry for causing trouble.”

“Don’t apologise. I think your ATA gene is only just strong enough to let you through, but obviously the journey was rough.”

Miko nodded. “I have never experienced a trip through the gate like that. It was very unpleasant.”

“Yeah, I assumed. Which means this’ll be your only time visiting here. Do you feel well enough to have a look around? Work out what everything does?”

“Of course, I shall begin immediately.” She turned away and began to explore the drone factory.

John and Evan spent the next several hours loading drones onto the trolleys, sending them through the gate to Atlantis, and receiving back more empty trolleys that they also filled and sent in what seemed like a never-ending cycle. They’d managed to clear almost a third of the room and were feeling very weary from the repetitive labour, but John was still adamant that they take every single drone with them, in case they couldn’t return.

“I think I’m going to need some sleep soon, Sir.” Lorne said, yawning. “I don’t know how long we’ve been here, or what time of day it is in Atlantis, but some dinner and a nap would be very welcome.”

“Yeah, we’ll get Atlantis to send through our overnight kits. I’m not leaving here until all those drones are packed.”

Evan gazed at the racks and racks and racks of drones still to be loaded onto trolleys and pushed through the gate, and his shoulders slumped. “Maybe Carson could come and help? His ATA gene’s almost as strong as mine.”

John sighed. “I’d love a whole contingent of marines right now. They’d have this room stripped within the hour.” He rolled his neck from side to side, then wriggled his shoulders. “Let’s check on Miko.”

Miko had finished with the drone factory a few hours ago – yes, there were raw materials and yes, she’d worked out how to make the factory start up production again – and had moved onto the ZPM lab. John and Evan made their way there, and found her unplugging her computer from one of the consoles.

“Oh, Colonel Sheppard, Sir, Major Lorne. I have checked the ZPM that is powering this facility, and it is at eighty three percent charge. I believe the facility was unpowered for the ten thousand years after the Ancients left, so the ZPM was not drained in their absence. The other four ZPMs are all at one hundred percent, as you suggested. And I have finished downloading all the data. I believe this is a place where ZPMs can be recharged. There is no way to manufacture new cases, but we could bring the depleted ZPMs we have, and recharging them should be fairly simple.”

Despite his weariness, John’s face lit with a huge smile. “Really? That’s awesome. Can you show us how? Because only Lorne and I’ll be coming back here. I’m not risking anyone else.”

“Of course, Colonel. It is quite simple.” Miko’s instructions were clear and easy to follow. There was none of the techno-babble Rodney used, she used simple to understand terms and described the necessary steps in a logical and methodical manner.

When she was done, she stood still. “Shall I help you now with the drones?”

Evan and John exchanged a glance. “Actually,” John said, “I assumed you’d be keen to get back to Atlantis. Lorne and I need to have some sleep before we continue. We were going to ask for our overnight kits and some meals to be sent through. So we won’t be loading any more drones until tomorrow – or, whatever time it’ll be when we wake up.”

Miko nodded. “I am also tired and would like to rest, Colonel. But as we cannot send anyone else through to assist with the transport of the drones, I would consider it an honour to be permitted to remain and help. If that is acceptable?”

Evan grinned at John and, seeing his hopeful expression, John laughed. “Yes, all right, Major, she can stay.” He turned back to Miko. “We would love some help. We were just bewailing the lack of marines.”

Miko smiled sweetly. “Then perhaps we can arrange some dinner and some bedding, and when we are well rested, we can complete the task together.”

The call to Atlantis didn’t take long, and within fifteen minutes, steaming hot meals from the mess, along with overnight kits for all three of them had arrived. They ate, then picked a corner of the entry hall to set out their sleeping bags.

John had asked that one of the proximity alert devices that Radek had been working on be sent through as well, and now he set it to encompass the entry hall. They were all tired, and they all needed sleep. He didn’t want to have to set a watch – he and Lorne both needed rest, and he didn’t want Miko taking a watch. He was still worried about Miko after her reaction to the gate travel.

This was exactly the sort of situation that the proximity alert device was designed for and, watching as the green beam lit for a second, showing the extent of the protected area, John smiled to himself, rolled himself into his sleeping bag, and was asleep within moments.

Chapter Text

It was late the next day before John, Evan and Miko were ready to return home. They’d stripped all the drones from the storage room and sent them through the gate, and had placed the four ZPMs into padded suitcases with reverential care ready to carry through with them when they returned themselves – John hadn’t been willing to risk them on an unaccompanied gate trip. And now they were waiting for the depleted ZPM Atlantis had sent through the night before to finish charging.

They’d had Miko give them a practical demonstration first thing after they’d all woken and eaten. She had very competently set the recharging process in motion, and the same circle that John and Evan had used to determine how full the other ZPMs were had appeared on the console – only this time it was showing as completely empty. They came back every half hour or so to check, and saw the blue line making its way around the circle with agonising slowness. Obviously, this was not a quick process, and they’d have to sit and wait each time they wanted to recharge an empty ZPM. John reminded himself that having the ability to replenish their ZPM supply was well worth the time it was clearly going to take out of his life – and Evan’s life of course. Because they were never going to send just one person to do this job. It would always be two. A small sliver of joy went through him at the thought of spending hours alone with Evan, here, in this safe place, with nothing to do beyond chatting or playing some game or other.

He quickly wiped the small smile from his face, flicking his eyes left and right to make sure neither Lorne nor Miko had noticed his expression. No, he was safe, they were both watching the final segment of the ZPM-circle turning blue.

He slipped back into the drone room, just to check once more that they’d taken everything they needed. They’d discussed breaking down the drone construction equipment and bringing it back to Atlantis, but Miko had been against that plan of action. She hadn’t been confident of her ability to put it all back together correctly, and to lose the possibility of creating more drones was, in her opinion, not worth the risk. Both the Colonel and Major could easily pass through the barrier to this facility, and there had been no difficulty with the wormhole connecting in all the times they had dialled backwards and forwards. If it were necessary, General O’Neill would surely also be able to pass the barrier, and probably Dr Beckett as well, and Miko herself could come again, with medication and time to recover. In the end John had caved, agreeing to leave the factory as it was.

She’d argued just as cogently in favour of leaving the ZPM equipment where it was. But this time it was because of the risk of catastrophic overload, which, if it happened on Atlantis, would completely obliterate the city, and take at least half the mainland with it. John had agreed without hesitation at that point. Better that they only risk two or three people, then the entire expedition.

And then the blue circle finally joined itself, and the ZPM was full. Eighteen hours and thirty-two minutes, from empty to one hundred percent. Miko carefully disconnected the ZPM and powered down the console, and Evan opened the padded suitcase to receive the energy module.

John sighed as he took a final glance around. They’d kept their overnight gear, just in case, so they had Miko’s laptop, the medical kit and their overnight kits to haul back with them. But they also had five fully charged ZPMs. And John’s heart lifted as he considered what this would mean for the city, for Earth. He felt the grin lighting his face, and saw the same expression on Evan’s face and then Miko’s.

“Come on then,” John said, “let’s go,” and he dialed the gate and sent his code, and then they were stepping through the event horizon, going home.

Even as late as it was, Rodney and Radek were in the gate room to meet them, grabby hands reaching for the ZPM cases, before racing off towards the labs. John nodded his thanks at Miko as she made to follow them, and then turned to Lorne. “You’re dismissed, Major. Get some food and some sleep.” Evan nodded and headed for the armoury to return his tac-vest and weapons, and John walked up the staircase to where Elizabeth was waiting on the landing.

John nodded at Sergeant Banks as he passed her.

“Welcome home, Sir,” Amelia called softly.

“Thanks.” John liked Banks. She had a warm heart that wasn’t quite hidden by her competent manner.

He perched on the edge of Elizabeth’s desk and grinned at her – a tired grin, but the light of success shone through regardless.

“Yes. You’ve done very well, Colonel. This is a major find. The scientists have spent the entire day working through the drones, checking them for faults and viability. They were about thirty percent of the way through when I sent them off to bed.”

“And are they okay? Any faults?”

“None at all. Every drone they’ve checked appears to be fully functional.”

John smiled. Good. It had been worth the effort. He wasn’t sure that his shoulders or neck agreed, but his mind was onboard.

“Anything else of note happen while I was gone?”

“We delayed Sergeant Stackhouse’s next mission while you and Major Lorne were both off-world. We weren’t sure how long you’d need, so his team will visit Badagh the day after tomorrow.”

John nodded. They traded medicine and medical care to the people of Badagh, in exchange for pottery and glassware. They were skilled artisans and capable of making plates and bowls, water glasses, beakers for the science labs, and replacement panels for broken windows. The areas of the city with water damage from flooding had quite a few broken windows and the Badagh had been instrumental in helping John’s people complete the repairs.

“Sounds good.” He was drooping and he knew it. They’d been on the go for over nineteen hours today, from waking to walking back through the gate, and he desperately wanted a shower and his bed.

Elizabeth smiled in understanding. “We can talk about the rest tomorrow, John. Off you go.”

He stood, creaking a little as his knees took his weight again. “Thanks, Elizabeth. Good night.”

His mind wafted a fleeting thought of Adi in front of him, but he was too tired to do anything more today. He made his way to his quarters, stripped off and, foregoing even the shower, fell on his bed and slept.

Adi had spent the two days while John and Evan were off finding ZPMs and drones helping out in xenobiology. They were researching some of the properties of the local wildlife from Capeliga and comparing it to Earth equivalents. It was quite interesting work, and the people were friendly, if quiet. It was nothing like working in Botany. The Botany lab was always full of fun and laughs, mostly led by Dr Parrish of course, with his endless enthusiasm. But the xenobiologists were kind and gentle people, and Adi felt safe amongst them.

On the first evening, Adi had asked Ronon to accompany her to her first staff fighting lesson with Corporals Tobias and Lopez. Evan had been as good as his word, setting this session up for her, but she was feeling a little nervous at the thought of being alone with two men she knew only slightly. Ronon leaned against the wall watching, as Corporal Tobias explained the background of the Jaffa fighting techniques, then he and Corporal Lopez gave a demonstration of their skills. In the end, Ronon actually joined in the lesson, pairing up with Lopez, while Tobias took Adi and had her doing some very basic work with a staff.

She enjoyed it. The feeling of learning a new skill, of facing a fear head on and dealing with it, left her in a buoyant mood. The fact that Ronon was with her had given her early confidence, but by the end of the lesson she felt very safe with Tobias. His aura was pure blues, with just a hint of the deeper indigo colouring, so the couple of times her staff had slipped, and her arm had collided with his, there had been no sparking discomfort. And he had been very calm, patient and understanding. They agreed on a weekly session, and Adi made her way out of the gym and back to her room for a shower, feeling a sense of hopeful expectation.

On the second evening, she was invited to join the Stitch ‘n’ Bitch session, which she understood meant she should bring a craft project along, and sit with other women in a warm and friendly environment to talk about whatever personal matters might come up. It sounded quite interesting, and after dinner, Adi gathered her stitchery, and her whittling knife and a small carving she was working on, and made her way to the designated room.

It was indeed a warm and welcoming space, and there were many smiles as Adi tentatively entered the room, sliding around the side to a spare seat. She recognised several of the faces – mostly scientists, but it seemed that the marines could also attend, and she ended up sitting with a variety of people, both new acquaintances and friends.

They were interested in her needlework, and even more interested in the small Capeligan animal she was whittling from the piece of wood, and she was asked many questions about her techniques. After a while though, the conversation took on a more ribald tone, and many of the comments flying backwards and forwards were about romantic attachments that the women were aware of, or were the subject of conjecture. Adi stayed silent through this, listening avidly and learning a great deal about Earth culture from the nature of the conversation.

Apparently, there was a romance brewing between a newly arrived marine and one of the scientists who usually attended this session, and she was out with him tonight. The jiggling eyebrows suggested that they were enjoying each other’s company in an intimate fashion. And there were several more similar anecdotes shared around the room. Adi smiled to herself. Her people had certainly been much more open about matters of attraction and sex, but it was nice to be welcomed here, and to listen to the women of Atlantis chatting about which guys they found cute or sexy or particularly well-muscled.

When the topic of Colonel Sheppard’s love interests came up, Adi’s ear pricked, and she listened intently.

“I don’t know what you’re all talking about. I mean, he’s pretty cute, but he doesn’t let anyone near him. Not even in the mess during the morning hug-in. He stays by himself at his table. I know he can’t really hug the marines, but he could at least join in the hi-fiving. But he doesn’t. He’s the most distant person I’ve ever seen.” This was a newly arrived marine, and it was obvious from her tone that she was not impressed.

“His team hug him,” one of the scientists said. “I’ve seen Ronon giving him huge bear hugs.”

“And Adi hugs him,” someone else said.

All eyes turned to Adi and she looked up from her needlework, uncomfortable to suddenly have everyone’s attention pinned to her.

“I do hug him. In my culture, everyone receives a hug, no one is ignored or isolated.”

“But you miss lots of people out, Adi. I’ve seen you walk straight past people to get to Colonel Sheppard.” This was one of the scientists, her tone questioning.

“It is uncomfortable for me to hug those with incompatible aura colours, so it is true that I do not embrace everyone I pass. But Colonel Sheppard and his team rescued me, and therefore I hug them, if they are in the mess. Rodney’s aura is not compatible with my own, but I hug him anyway, as he was one of the team that freed me from my imprisonment. Teyla understands that it would be uncomfortable for me to touch her, and is kind enough not to request a hug. And Ronon’s aura is the same colour as my own, and he is always very free with his affections.” Adi hoped that they’d move on from this line of questioning very soon.

“So do you know him well then?” the marine who’d been disparaging asked.

“Ronon?” Adi asked. “Fairly well. He has been very supportive and kind, and he has often provided skin-time for me.”

“Not Ronon. The elusive Colonel that everyone thinks is a lady’s man, but who doesn’t let anyone but you touch him.”

Adi’s brow furrowed as she considered that comment. “I do not believe that to be the case. Someone just said that Ronon hugs him, and I believe that he accepts touch from Teyla as well.” Adi paused, lowering her eyes in thought. “Do you think Colonel Sheppard would prefer that I do not hug him? Do you think he is uncomfortable that I approach him in the mess? I would not wish to upset him, when I owe him so much.”

“Don’t be silly, Adi.” That was Katie Brown, and she continued in her gentle voice. “I’m sure the Colonel is just one of those people who doesn’t like casual contact with random people. But since he saved you, and you’ve helped out with saving other people, I’m sure he’s quite happy for you to hug him. Don’t worry about it.”

Adi nodded, smiling at Katie in gratitude, and the conversation moved on to more comfortable topics. She sat and listened as she stitched, contributing a comment here and there, and enjoying the company. The evening wound up and Adi made her way back to her room, carrying her craft projects with her, and feeling a sense of pleasure in having been welcomed by this group of women, in truly being a part of her new community.

John woke early the morning after the big ZPM find. He went for a jog with Ronon and had breakfast, and by 0730hrs he was immersed in a planning meeting with Major Lorne and Sergeant Stackhouse. The date for the wargames – Wraith games really – that they’d scheduled for the Alpha site was fast approaching, and they needed to nut out all the final details.

By the end of two hours, they had a complete list of everyone who would participate, which team they’d be on, and what the various challenges and goals would be across the two days. They’d also made lists of ammunition, food and supplies that would need to be gathered and transported to the planet. As they’d be taking over half of the marines on base with them for this, a discussion about the security of Atlantis in their absence, and the scheduling of other off-world ventures, had also needed to be addressed.

Just because they now had the farm on Capeliga, didn’t mean they could instantly drop their existing trading partners. They still needed to bring in fresh produce from many sources until they could get Capeliga to be fully self-sustaining for the city. But it did mean that, soon, they would no longer need to seek new trading partners, and that was a good thing, as it reduced the level of risk the Lanteans would encounter, trying to seek out new contacts on different planets.

John and Evan made their way from the planning meeting to a Senior Staff Meeting to discuss the new ZPMs and the disbursement of the thousands of drones they’d recovered. Rodney and his team had been working non-stop, checking that every single drone was fully functional, and none of the ZPMs had any defects. They’d installed two of the ZPMs into the grid about an hour ago, and had been monitoring Atlantis ever since. John slid into the conference room, noting that everyone was there but Rodney, and took his seat, putting his boots up onto the table, ankles crossed, arms behind his head, while he waited.

A few minutes later, Rodney came bustling in through the door, a huge grin on his face. Zelenka followed him into the room, looking equally as happy. “Bask in it, people,” Rodney said as he took his seat beside John, pushing his feet to the floor with a thud. “This is the face of a happy, happy man, and it doesn’t happen all that often.”

Elizabeth widened her eyes in mock-shock. “So, I assume that the ZPMs are working out?”

Rodney rubbed his hands together in glee. “Yes, yes and yes! Three ZedPMs, all full and working at capacity. The city has so much power it’s almost unbelievable.”

“Yes,” Radek burbled happily, “is very exciting to see systems coming online and dark parts of Atlantis lighting up.”

“Dark parts of Atlantis?” John asked.

“Yes, yes, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Rodney cast a snarky look at Zelenka. “All five ZedPMs – that includes the one that was recharged – were tested thoroughly and deemed to be safe. We installed two of them which, along with the one we brought back from Capeliga, has brought the city to full power. That was an hour ago. Since then, we’ve found several systems powering up that we didn’t know about – long range sensors being one – and there are some rooms in outlying parts of the city that are now drawing power, when they previously weren’t. So… we’ve got some exploring to do.” He beamed at everyone in the room.

Teyla smiled back. “It is wonderful to see you so happy, Dr McKay.”

Rodney’s head bobbed from side to side as his grin widened. “There seems to be some synergy with three ZedPMs operating together – there’s actually more happening than even I had anticipated.”

“We have long range sensors?” John asked, clearly excited.

“Ah, yes. Apparently, Atlantis has long range sensors, so we can now see what’s happening in a wide circle around us, including a great many solar systems outside our own. And yes, this means that if the Wraith approach Atlantis, we’re going to be able to see them well before they get here.”

Lorne leaned forward. “As in, we could see where the Wraith ships are, and if they’re near a planet we know to be populated, we could slip through the gate and warn the people to hide?”

John turned his head and nodded at Lorne, acknowledging the sense in that question.

“Um, well, yes, I suppose so,” Rodney said. “We should be able to see where the ships are, and their trajectories. So, yes, we could, potentially I suppose, let the indigenous people in their flight path know that Wraith are in the area.”

Elizabeth smiled. “I like that idea.”

John nodded. “Me too. Good thinking, Major.”

Lorne smiled, a soft glow warming him at his CO's good opinion.

They discussed that idea, and the exploration of the city that now needed to be scheduled in coming weeks and months— “No! I can’t provide escorts for daily exploration, McKay,” John said, his tone a little exasperated. “My guys have a lot of other duties as well. But we can schedule in, say—” he glanced at Lorne, “one day a week?”

Lorne nodded his agreement. “Maybe three days a fortnight.”

Rodney looked miffed, but settled down when it became obvious that John was not going to budge. He moved on to discussing the drones instead. “They’ve all been checked and they’re all in perfect working order.” He turned to face John. “Your grunts can start restocking the jumpers, the Avenger and the supply for the Control Chair.”

John nodded. “Okay. And do we send all the excess drones to Earth? Or keep a buffer here?”

That discussion went for a while too, as they considered their ability to manufacture more, versus the fact that only Sheppard and Lorne could actually get to the manufacturing plant.

“Okay,” Elizabeth said eventually. "So we’re agreed. We’ll send enough drones to Earth to stock their Control Chair, but keep the remainder here as backups for our own use.” There were nods all around the table. “And now the three spare ZPMs… are we sending all of those through the gate today, or…?”

John and Rodney were both opposed to sending the ZPMs through unaccompanied, and both wanted to keep a spare in Atlantis, to enable them to swap out the depleted ZPM on the planet with all the kids. In the end, Elizabeth caved. “Fine. The next data burst goes out tomorrow. So we’ll inform the SGC of our find, and let them decide if they wish to trust the two ZPMs we’re offering them to unaccompanied, intergalactic gate travel, or if they’d rather the Daedalus collected them on their next run.”

John nodded. “Yep. And ask them to send back the one we gave them, too, because we can recharge that.”

“Perhaps we can just let them know we want it back, for now, Sir,” Lorne said, “but let them keep it until they receive the two full ones. There’s no hurry for us to recharge it.”

“Good point,” John said.

Rodney was nodding. “It’s got enough energy that they could dial Atlantis in an emergency, if they needed to, oh, I don’t know, say… evacuate in the event of an apocalyptic event or something. Let them hang onto it until they’ve received the full ones. We’ve got plenty here, and that’s why I gave it to them in the first place.”

It was nearly midday by the time the meeting was over, and the Command Staff made their way to the mess as a group, their mood buoyant. It wasn’t often that they had a meeting to discuss their overabundance of Ancient devices and how best to deploy them.

John headed for the firing range after lunch to oversee weapons re-accreditation of around forty of the marines. This was work he enjoyed, and he donned his earmuffs and settled in, ready to spend a few hours watching his marines prove their skills. Life in Pegasus taught you that an ability to fire with speed and accuracy was essential if you were to have a chance at surviving, and he fully expected everyone to pass. He nodded to Sergeants Stackhouse and Coughlin to give the signal for the first lot of marines to start firing, and smiled with satisfaction as bullet after bullet pierced the paper targets dead-centre.

Adi had had a busy morning too. The sense of warmth and camaraderie from the Stitch ’n’ Bitch session was still with her as she made her way down to the Chemistry labs after breakfast. She paused in the doorway to blu-tack her ‘Adi is in this Lab’ sign to the door, and ran her finger over it, smiling softly. While it had initially distressed her to realise that people needed to be warned about her, now she just felt wanted and welcomed whenever she hung it up – it was a tangible symbol of the acceptance and support she had found here in Atlantis.

She was still smiling as she entered the lab.

Dr Quinten returned Adi’s smile warmly. His feelings for her hadn’t abated at all, even if it had been several weeks since he’d had the chance to spend time with her. He’d been terribly worried about her after the Genii attack, but the gossip mills had told him that she’d recovered quickly, and she was always busy with the Command staff, and she’d been off-world as well.

He’d spent these last three weeks reflecting on his feelings for her, and had decided that the subtle approach hadn’t worked at all. She’d brushed off his invitation to dinner, and when he’d asked her to the movie night, she hadn’t seemed to understand he’d wanted them to go together, as a date. And even when he’d awaited her arrival at the door of the movie theatre room, she’d simply offloaded him onto some gate room technician and had then spent the entire movie snuggled in the lap of that enormous Pegasus native who was on Colonel Sheppard’s team. Dr Quinten had spent most of the movie watching her, seeing how comfortable she was with Ronon wrapping his body around hers, their heads close together as they whispered to one another, their joint laughter.

Dr Quinten had been left feeling that he’d missed his chance with Adi. But then he’d read the report that Dr Corrigan had uploaded to the Atlantis web about Capeligan culture. The Anthropologist had met with Adi several times and had been writing up his findings as he went, and everything Dr Quinten had read suggested that intimacy was a fluid and welcome fact amongst Adi’s people. In fact, what he’d read had made sense of her preference for Ronon’s lap on movie night. He’d taken note of the lengthy hugs she shared with Colonel Sheppard, Major Lorne and one of the marines in the mess in the mornings, and along with her flirtatious behaviour with Ronon, well… clearly, she was enjoying easy intimacy with several of the people on base, and Dr Quinten was eager – very eager – to add himself to the mix.

He’d been on Atlantis for more than two months and his attraction to Adi meant he hadn’t had any other amorous interludes to take the edge off his desire. But clearly his efforts to join Adi’s ‘bonding group’ as it was described, had failed so far, and from reading Dr Corrigan’s reports, it seemed obvious that Adi’s culture didn’t include a subtle, getting-to-know-you-better relationship phase. They seemed to just feel an attraction and leap right in to the good stuff. Dr Quinten had decided that the direct approach would be best.

Clearly Adi hadn’t realised he was trying to court her, because her people didn’t court – well, not as he understood it. And Dr Quinten was nothing if not flexible. If an open and enthusiastic declaration of desire was the norm in Adi’s culture, then that’s what he’d give her. He found himself eagerly anticipating the chance to progress things with Adi and her free-and-easy Capeligan culture.

And so he’d bounced his way into the lab this morning, knowing that today was the day. Finally, Adi had been rostered to the Chem Lab again, so here was his chance. Before the day was over, Adi would understand how interested he was in her, and how much he wanted to get to know her better… a lot better.

But he wanted to make sure she was at ease around him first. It had been a few weeks. And there were several experiments to set up this morning, so he welcomed her in his normal tone, and tried to stay casual, despite his heart beating at a much faster rate than usual.

“Thanks for coming, Adi. Could you please gather some equipment for me? Can you set up the vacuum filtration apparatus please? And bring me some of the 100mL conical flasks?”

“Of course, Dr Quinten,” Adi said, and she crossed to the storeroom and began to gather the equipment.

They worked together in congenial fashion for the next few hours, extracting the active ingredients from some plants that one of the teams had brought back. The natives of the planet where they’d been found apparently used them for their pain killing properties, and Dr Weir had asked that tests be performed to see if a viable alternative to their own drugs could be sourced locally.

The work was repetitive, and Dr Quinten had plenty of time to quietly enjoy Adi’s company at his side. She really was an easy-going person, always quick with a smile, happy to perform any task. He felt a spark of electricity run down to his groin at the thought of that willingness being at his disposal in a bed, and he let his mind fantasise for a moment, considering the possibilities of him and Adi alone in his room… but that had his skin flushing and his heart rate rising – along with other parts – and so he pushed the thoughts away. First, he needed to make sure she understood his interest. Then he could act.

As Adi lifted the last pile of crystals to put in the oven to dry, Dr Quinten spoke. “Thanks for your help, Adi. I’ll be able to spend my afternoon putting these compounds through dozens of different tests to see what they do.” He smiled at her warmly, but it was tinged with something more than gratitude.

Adi smiled tentatively back as she made her way across the lab to the oven. She was unsure what was happening with the doctor today. He’d been acting oddly all morning – smiling at her at weird moments, standing a little closer to her than was quite comfortable, looking at her when he thought her attention was elsewhere. And his aura was rippling as if he were under some sort of stress. It was all a little disconcerting.

Still, she thought, as she placed the dish into the oven, she’d finished all the work that had been set, and now she could leave. She was planning to spend some quiet time on her forest balcony this afternoon, relaxing and re-energising. She didn’t want to use the new garden until everyone else could do so too, so she’d resigned herself to waiting for the ground cover to take root and establish itself.

She took a step back and closed the oven door, then turned around, expecting to be on her way… but Dr Quinten was unexpectedly there, standing right in front of her.

Adi couldn’t step backwards as the oven was behind her – even now she could feel the heat radiating from it. And the oven was in a corner of the room, with benches blocking her way to the side.

“Dr Quinten,” she began, her voice a little shaky, about to ask him to step back, but Dr Quinten had decided that this was the moment.

He’d been patient all morning, moving gently about her, but Adi had been calm and happy in his company, clearly comfortable with him despite the three-week break in their friendship. He knew he needed to speak now, before she left the lab, and the sight of her heat-flushed cheeks had sent a rush of desire through him… he wanted to make her flush like that for him.

“No, Adi, please, I’ve been wanting to speak to you of a personal matter for a while now, but the thing is, you haven’t understood when I’ve tried before… I asked you to dinner and when that didn’t work, I asked you to the movies. But you didn’t understand that I wanted to go with you, to sit with you, at your side, cuddle with you, and enjoy the movie together.” He took a half step closer, unintentionally crowding Adi into the corner. “Obviously I need to make it very clear to you what my feelings for you are. I think about you all the time Adi, you’ve captivated me, and I want you to understand what I want from you, what I want to have with you. No more confusion or uncertainty.”

He was babbling and he knew it, his carefully planned speech going by the wayside in the stress of the moment.

But what he wasn’t aware of, what he hadn’t picked up on at all, was Adi’s negative reaction to his nearness, and to his words.

Her agitation was growing by the second, confined as she was, and if he’d taken the barest of moments to actually focus on her, he’d have known in an instant that his declaration was unwelcome.

But Dr Quinten had been wanting to speak to Adi about his feelings for far too long, and now the moment had finally arrived, the anticipation of what he might get to do with her tonight was overpowering him, leaving him totally oblivious to her feelings, too wrapped up in his own emotions, excitement racing through him, his body responding to Adi’s proximity.

He bumbled onwards. “I’ve been watching you for two months now, watching you in the mess, and trying to be in the halls when you are, so I can see you in passing. I really, really, like you, Adi. And clearly the subtle approach didn’t work, but I’ve read all about your culture and how you’re used to orgies and free-sex, and I’m really attracted to you, Adi – really attracted – and, well, the thing is I want you, I want to be with you.”

Without even realising he was doing it, one of his hands lifted and ran down the side of Adi’s face as he started to lean in closer, ready to ask the most important question of all, ask her to have dinner with him that night, alone in his quarters, just the two of them…

But he never got the chance.

Adi had had enough.

Fear had been steadily rising in her as Dr Quinten had kept talking, trapping her with the hot oven at her back… and when she’d noticed that Dr Quinten’s body was responding to his desire, terror swamped her.

He touched her, and she snapped.

She pushed him – hard – both hands on his chest, moving forward as she did it, all her weight behind the shove, and he went down, landing heavily on his back, hitting his head…

But Adi wasn’t there to see it.

She’d leaped up onto the bench to her side and over the top and had run – run away, run far and fast, away from the man that she’d thought was a friend but had wanted to have sex with her, had been watching her, had followed her around, had trapped her in a corner of a room, had stood so close she could smell his body odour, had clearly been aroused, had put his hand on her face as he said he wanted to be with her. She knew what that meant… he wanted the same things that the Bola Kai had wanted. No! No! No!

Adi ran. She ran away from the chem labs and out to the furthermost reaches of the city, she ran to where she’d previously felt safe, where she could see anyone approaching from a long, long, way away, she ran to where nature could help her to calm down, and when she reached the end of her favourite pier, she collapsed into a pile on the unforgiving concrete and let the tears overwhelm her as she cried out her terror and her revulsion at the thought of letting that man touch her intimately.

Her tears overwhelmed her, and she lay gasping and shaking and weeping, her arms wrapped tightly about her middle, knowing she was broken forever.

Chapter Text

John signed off on the second lot of marines to prove their proficiency with weapons, feeling a sense of gratitude that he had such competent troops under his command. He was just nodding to Sergeant Coughlin to get the next bunch into place and ready to go when his radio chirped.

It was Chuck, on a private band. “Colonel Sheppard, Sir? I’m sorry to bother you. I know you’ve told us to ignore a solitary life sign on the south-west pier at night, because it’ll most likely just be Adi… but, Sir, there’s a life sign out there now. And it’s only early afternoon and I’ve never seen her out there at this time of day. She was there an hour ago, and I just ran the sweep again, and she’s still there. I’m sorry to bother you, but… I wondered if maybe something’s happened? It’s just… it’s very unlike her to be out there during the day.”

“Thanks, Chuck. I’ll check it out.” John signalled to the two Sergeants to take over, and headed towards the nearest transporter, agreeing with Chuck’s assessment. Adi was normally in one of the labs, or perhaps the greenhouse, at this time of day, not alone on the end of an isolated pier.

He could see her as he came out of the transporter, even though she wasn’t quite in her usual spot. She was sitting, her back towards the ocean, her knees drawn up to her body, with her arms clasped tightly around them, and she was shaking, visibly shaking. She didn’t have her blankets with her, she wasn’t lying down relaxing. Everything about her posture screamed distress, and John’s footsteps sped up as he made his way down the pier towards her.

Before he was even halfway to her, Adi suddenly lifted her head and leaped to her feet, arms swinging out from her body in defensive fashion. Clearly she’d heard, or perhaps felt, his footfalls. He slowed down a little, and held his hands out in a peaceful gesture.

“Adi,” he called, “It’s just me, John. I’m in your room.”

He knew she would have to have recognised him, but instead of dropping her arms, or smiling in welcome – or sitting back down and casually turning her back to him as she’d done so many times before – she remained standing, arms at the ready, her whole body shaking, her eyes trained on him.

He kept walking forward slowly and carefully. As he came closer, he could see her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen in a tear-ravaged face. The shaking hadn’t abated, and in fact, as he approached, the shaking grew worse, with Adi taking big gulping breaths. Then she took a step back, and then another.

John stopped. He stood very, very still. Adi was one step away from running. Running from him. And if that was the case, then she was in a very bad way. Something very serious had clearly happened. John felt his anger rising as his first thoughts flicked to rape. She’d never been this scared of him, even after the Bola Kai. With an effort, he kept his expression open, friendly, not allowing his inner emotions to show on his face. “Adi?” he called softly. “It’s just me, John. I’m not going to hurt you. You know that.”

The tears were still running down her face, unchecked, but the tension suffusing her body dropped away, and she nodded slowly, bringing her arms back in to her body, wrapping them tightly around herself.

John took a few tentative steps closer, not willing to risk her running from him, but she stood her ground, just watching as he approached. He stopped when there was still two metres between them. “Adi? Can you tell me what happened?”

She sniffed, a long, gulpy sound, and then she dropped her arms from her body, and lifted her hands to her face, wiping the tears away.

John remained where he was, giving her the time to pull herself together. She’d recognised him, accepted that he wasn’t a threat. He wasn’t sure that she’d been entirely in the here and now when he’d first approached, and when she spoke, he realised he was right.

“He… he wanted to… to have… sex… with me. Like… like the Bola Kai did. That’s… that’s what he wanted.” The tears that had lessened slightly started up again.

The spike of rage that ran through John was intense, but he tamped it down with brutal force. Now was not the time. He couldn’t let Adi see him angry, she wasn’t feeling safe enough at the moment to differentiate between anger at her and anger for her. He waited a few moments until he knew that his voice would be under his control. “Did someone try to rape you, Adi? Here, in Atlantis?”

Adi’s forehead creased at that, and after a few moments she shook her head. “No, I ran. He trapped me, in the lab, and he… he was talking, telling me what he wanted, and he… he touched me.” Her voice was broken, reflecting the terror of the situation so completely that John actually had to turn away a little to hide his expression. He took a couple of deep breaths, then turned back.

“Adi, who was it? Who trapped you? Who touched you?” With supreme effort, John had kept his voice level and even – just a CO gathering intel on the situation at hand.

“I think… I think I hurt him.”

“I’m sure you did,” John said, trying not to imagine what sort of carnage they might find in whichever lab Adi had been in that morning. If she was this freaked out, more than an hour since the event, then whatever had triggered this reaction must have been truly terrifying for her. She hadn’t told him who her attacker had been, so he tried a different question. “Adi, which lab were you working in today?”

“Chemistry.” She was still shaking, the tears rolling down her cheeks. She was looking towards him, but wasn’t meeting his eyes, or even focused on his face. After a moment, John realised she had her eyes on his hands. She was waiting for him to lunge for her. Jesus!

“Adi,” he said softly, gently, with all the kindness and compassion he could muster. “It’s just me. You know I’m not going to hurt you. You know I would never hurt you. I don’t understand what happened. Can you tell me? Who were you working with today? Was it Kavanagh?” He could understand that Adi might be really upset if Kavanagh had touched her. The man was a little creepy, even on a good day.

She took a deep, gulping breath, and stepped back. A shiver ran through her body and a little sanity returned to her eyes. Then she turned and walked across to the water’s edge, sitting down and dangling her legs over the edge of the pier, her face angled to keep an eye still on him.

John let out a soft, very relieved breath. Okay, she’d accepted he probably wasn’t going to hurt her. She’d remembered that she trusted him and that it was safe for her to sit with him there, that she didn’t have to be ready to run or fight. He wondered for a moment if he should be calling for Kate Heightmeyer to come and deal with this. Sexual harassment or assault or whatever this had been seemed far more her deal than his own. But he still didn’t know what had happened, and the thought that somewhere in the city, a man was lying in a pool of his own blood, was a pretty compelling reason to stay and try to get some more details.

He set aside all thought of his personal relationship with Adi, that really wasn’t relevant right now – well, apart from the fact that she’d obviously remembered that he was trustworthy – and in this state he wasn’t really sure that she’d believe that about anyone else. He took a deep breath and moved a little closer to the edge of the pier. “Adi, I’d like to come sit near you. Is that okay?”

Adi nodded, and he could see her wiping the tears from her face. John crossed to her side and sat down, making sure to keep a good metre or so between them. He hadn’t liked her being scared of him. Not one bit.

“It was Dr Quinten.” Her voice was calmer now, the shaking less. She sniffed and wiped away a few more tears. “I was at the oven, in the back corner, and when I turned around… John, he was right there.” She shuddered.

“What did he do to you?”

Adi huffed out a breath, sniffing again as several more tears overflowed her eyelids and trickled down her face. “He said he wanted me. He said he’s been watching me. He said he knew about the orgies of my people and that he wanted to be with me. He was… I could see… he was… there was… his… his trousers were…” She shuddered, unable to finish. “And then he touched me.” Her voice broke and she started to shake again, the remembered terror of realising that Dr Quinten’s body was reacting to his words, of feeling his fingers on her skin, overwhelming her.

John heard the fear in her voice as she said Quinten had been hard, that he’d touched her. Bloody hell! Not only had she been trapped – which would have been bad enough – but Quinten had been talking about sex, about orgies… and the asshole had been visibly aroused when he touched her. No wonder she’d freaked out. John could imagine all sorts of places where Quinten, hard enough for it to be evident, might have touched her, but he needed to know. “Where did he touch you, Adi?”

“My face. He touched my face. He ran his hand down my face, and then he leaned in…” She was shuddering, and suddenly she wrapped her arms back around her middle, folding herself in half. Her eyes closed and she started gasping for air, rocking backwards and forwards.

“Jesus, Adi.” John reached out his hand again, worried that she’d fall over the edge of the pier, but Adi’s eyes sprung open, and she flinched away, looking at him with fear. “I’m sorry… I just…”

Adi was staring at him, her eyes wide. At least she was no longer rocking.

“Okay. Let me just deal with this for a moment.” John lifted his feet back onto the pier and stood up, moving away about thirty metres. He tapped his radio for a private channel. “Major Lorne?”

“Lorne here, Sir.”

“Lorne, we have a situation. I’d like it kept as quiet as possible for the moment.”

“Yes, Sir. What’s happened?”

“I need you to locate Dr Quinten. He was in the Chem Lab this morning, but I don’t know if he’ll still be there. He apparently trapped Adi at the back of the lab, and propositioned her with sexual intent. She felt incredibly threatened and, well… I don’t know exactly what happened yet. But she’s out here on the pier, and she’s terrified. She’s not even letting me close. She said she hurt him. So he may be unconscious or dead. I don’t know.”

“Hang on, Sir,” Lorne’s voice was imperturbable as always, the perfect soldier, but John could hear the tension in it, nonetheless. He could also hear some tapping as if Lorne were checking his computer. “He’s not listed as being in the infirmary.”

“I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. You need to find him, Lorne.”

“Yes, Sir. I’ll be as quick and discreet as possible, and I’ll let you know when I’ve got him.”

John tapped the channel closed and stood for a moment, gazing at Adi. She looked so fragile, huddled in on herself there, at the edge of the pier. He considered again calling for Dr Heightmeyer, but… Adi had always spoken to him, had always felt safe with him. And something inside of him wanted to stay here, to make certain she was okay, to provide comfort to her the same way she’d done for him, again and again. She’d never turned him away when he’d needed support, and he didn’t want to walk away from her now, hand her over to the impersonal clinical care that was available. Not yet. Lorne was dealing with the other half of this mess, and that left Adi up to him.

John made his way back to Adi’s side. He deliberately sat a little closer this time, so there was only half a metre between them, and Adi accepted it, didn’t sidle away. “I’ve asked Lorne to check on Dr Quinten.”

Adi nodded. Her tears seemed to have stopped and she suddenly lifted her top and used it to wipe her cheeks dry. She sniffed a few times, and when she spoke her voice was breaking. “I think the Bola Kai have won. They have taken from me all chance that I can ever let someone close to me, let someone be with me. When Dr Quinten touched me, it was horrible. My whole body revolted against it, and I could feel the Bola Kai’s hands on me. He wanted to… to… with me, and I couldn’t… I don’t… I don’t want to be touched. I don’t…” Her fists were clenching and unclenching, over and over again, with the force of emotions trying to escape her body.

“You don’t mind me touching you,” John said, trying to deal with this without his own emotions getting in the way.

Adi laughed. Not a happy sound, more a strangled gasp escaping because she couldn’t contain it. “You’re you, John. You hold me without asking for anything I do not wish to give. You actively protect me and keep me safe. You fought for me to have the right to remain here. You have never trapped me, or told me that you want to have an orgy with me because my people are into free sex! You do not watch me, or follow me, or make me feel as if you would take me whether I am willing or not!” She stopped then, and took a very deep breath, letting it out slowly.

After a minute or so, she turned to face him. “You are safe, John. That is what you mean to me. Safety. And when your aura merges with mine, it is as if I am in the one place in the universe I am meant to be.” She sniffed, her eyes holding his. Then she crumpled, deflating before his eyes, all the fight just washing out of her. “I would very much like a hug, John.”

“Um, okay,” John said, surprised by her sudden willingness to accept comfort from him, when she’d been flinching away from his hand not that long ago. He shuffled closer, and when their bodies were touching, Adi leaned into him, cradling her head into his chest, just below his shoulder, and wrapping her arms around his midriff. John very – very – slowly and gently rested his arm around Adi’s shoulders, being careful not to trap her, not to make her feel that she couldn’t just move away.

They sat in silence for nearly fifteen minutes, Adi breathing softly against John’s chest, resting against him. She was probably drawing energy from his aura to balance her own, John thought. It had to be in a chaotic mess after all she’d been through. His thoughts flicked over what she’d told him, wondering what the hell had gone wrong. Dr Quinten had seemed really gentle and kind the day Adi had broken his wrist – he’d been worried about Adi, concerned for her distress. He’d seemed nice. John sighed. Adi just couldn’t catch a break.

His musing was interrupted by his radio chirping. It was Lorne. “I’ve found him, Sir. He’s in his quarters. He’s very embarrassed by what happened. Says he didn’t realise she’d feel trapped, and he didn’t mean to upset her. He was trying to ask her to have dinner with him. He hit his head when he fell, but apart from a headache, and some rib pain, there’s no other injury. He’s not keen to go to the infirmary and report what happened. He’s realised that his actions will probably not be looked on with favour by the military contingent. I think he should be checked out though. Shall I take him to the infirmary, or would you prefer I try and get Carson to visit him in his quarters?”

A lot of the tension had drained from John’s body as Lorne was speaking. Dr Quinten was alive, he was well, he’d made it back to his room under his own steam, he hadn’t reported the attack. John let out a very relieved sigh. “Well, I’d really rather we keep this between the four of us for now. But I agree he should be seen. Ask Carson if he’s willing to do a confidential house call. If not, you’ll have to accompany Quinten to the infirmary.”

“Yes, Sir. Will do. How’s Adi, Sir?”

“Improving.”

“Has she let you close yet?”

“Yeah. She’s, um, she’s… resting against me.” John was a little embarrassed by that admission, but Lorne just sighed in relief.

“Good. That’s really good, Sir. I’m glad she’s remembered she trusts you.”

“Yeah, me too. Keep me posted, Major.” John tapped his radio off and sat, reflecting on what Lorne had said. Quinten was embarrassed, upset, unaware Adi had felt trapped. Shit! So he probably hadn’t intended Adi to feel sexually threatened either. What a mess!

After another few minutes, John squeezed his hand lightly against Adi’s side. “How are you feeling, Adi?”

Adi took a very deep breath and pushed against him, sitting herself back up. “I am feeling safer, John. I am feeling stronger.”

John smiled at that, and saw Adi responding. It was weak and wavery on her tear-stained face, but it was there.

She turned her head away and gazed out across the endless ocean, and John decided it was time to move things forward, if possible. She seemed a lot calmer and he was reaching the limit of his ability to give comfort. He was certainly improving at this – and that was either because of Adi healing his aura all those months ago, or else it was simply the fact that he’d had a lot of recent practice in providing comfort, but either way, there were still limits to what he could handle, and he was fast approaching them. “What would you like to happen now, Adi? Do you want to go back to your quarters? Do you need to visit the waterfall? Do you want to go talk to Dr Heightmeyer?”

Adi took a deep breath, and looked down at her hands, where they sat in her lap. After a few moments she looked up and met John’s eyes. “Do you think there are any other people here, in the city, who wish to… who want to… be intimate with me, as Dr Quinten did?”

John felt the flicker of truth run across his face, and could only hope that Adi was unable to interpret it. Because yes, he could think of at least one person who wanted to be intimate with Adi – himself, and if he wasn’t mistaken, Lorne wasn’t averse to her charms, either. But he didn’t think Adi would have reacted as badly if either himself or Evan had suggested getting to know her better.

But obviously, she was asking if there were any hidden admirers amongst the scientists or marines. “I don’t know,” he finally said. “It’s not something you tend to find out until the person’s ready to make a move.”

“Dr Quinten was my friend. And then he suddenly changed from a friend to…” She looked away. “I do not wish to have that experience again. Can anything be done to stop it?”

Bloody hell. What was he supposed to do with that? “Well, short of mustering everyone on base and telling them they can’t make a move on you…” He stopped, aghast, because Adi was nodding, her expression hopeful. “I don’t think I can do that, Adi, it’d be…” His voice trailed away.

Adi’s eyes dropped, then they lifted again, a thought lighting her face. “Once before you sent an email telling people that they must not approach me unless they told me they were there. Can you send an email telling them that they must not ‘make a move’ on me?”

“Um, yeah, I guess.” He pulled himself together. “I could ask Lorne to word something. He’s good at that sort of thing.”

“Thank you, John. I would like to return to my bedroom now, and lock the door, and know that I am safe, and then sleep. I am very weary.”

“Sure,” John said. He stood up, and waited until Adi was standing too. “What do you want to do about Dr Quinten?”

She turned to him in surprise, and then her shoulders slumped. “Oh.” She stood still for a moment, and then her spine stiffened, her shoulders rose and she lifted her head. “I wish to speak to him.”

John gazed at her. It wasn’t what he would have chosen for her at this moment, but Adi was a law unto herself. “Do you want to do that right now?”

Adi nodded. “Will you come with me? I do not wish to see him alone.”

“Oh, you won’t be seeing him alone.” All of John’s defensive traits had raced to the fore at that remark. There was no way Adi was going to be alone with Dr Quinten any time in the foreseeable future, given how scared she’d been. “Come on.”

They crossed the pier together, and bounced through the transporters until they were in the hallway outside Dr Quinten’s room. John tapped the bell and the door opened, revealing Carson and Lorne and a very chastened Dr Quinten, sitting on his bed, buttoning up his shirt.

He gasped when he saw Adi standing in the doorway, and both Evan and Carson looked shocked at her appearance too. It was pretty harrowing. Her face was badly swollen and splotchy, and her eyes were still bloodshot. She started to shake a little again, and John leaned towards her, whispering, “Adi, you don’t have to do this now.”

She turned towards him and shook her head. Then she stepped forward into the room.

“Dr Quinten,” she said softly, her voice quavering, and John ached for her fear, for her distress, for the fact that she’d had to endure this. “I did not like what you did today, what you said to me today. I do not want you to watch me anymore, or to try and find me in the halls. It is true that my people were very open with their relationships, but that does not mean that I am willing to… to just…” she stopped, her body shuddering. She wrapped her arms tightly about her body and took a deep, calming breath, before continuing, “I am not willing to… to… to open my body to you just because you wish it.” She huffed out a breath. “Please do not ever touch me again. I do not know what I might do if you touch me.”

And then she turned and walked back out the door, John following closely behind.

Adi made her way back to the transporter, and selected the spot for her own quarters with a shaky hand. John was walking beside her, a silent but comforting presence, as she made her way to her room. She opened her door, then turned to John. “Will you please come in with me and help me check that there is no one inside?”

John nodded and did a very thorough check, even lying on his stomach to look under the bed. “It’s all clear, Adi, you’re the only one here.”

Adi nodded. “Thank you. I would like to be alone now.”

“You know where my room is if you need me later, okay.” He wasn’t sure about leaving her alone in these circumstances, but he also felt that Adi knew her own needs best. “Will you be okay, here, by yourself?”

Adi nodded. “I will sleep, John. And I will wake in a better frame of mind.”

“Okay then.” John crossed slowly to the door, then stopped and turned back. “Adi, would you like a hug before I go?” He wasn’t sure if she would or not, but he suddenly found that he wanted to hug her, to hold her close and know she was safe.

Adi looked at him for a long moment, and he thought she was going to refuse, but then she stepped close and just leaned her head against him, her hands resting lightly on his chest. It wasn’t the sort of hug he was used to from her, there was none of the usual ebullient, full body, sinking into him, wrapping herself around him… but at least she was touching him. He very lightly hugged her back, using just one arm, not wanting her to feel any sense of being trapped.

She stepped back, and John nodded and slipped out through the door, waiting until he heard the lock engage before moving away.

John headed straight back to Dr Quinten’s room, the suppressed anger rising through his body now that Adi was safely out of the way and couldn’t see it. Carson was just coming out as he arrived, and he stopped when he saw John. John gestured him back into the room, and found that Lorne was still there too. “Dr Quinten,” he said in as neutral a tone as he could manage, and Quinten nodded carefully, keeping his eyes trained on John’s face.

John looked him up and down then turned to Carson. “What’s the verdict, Doc?”

“There’s a light concussion, and a nasty headache. And some bruising across his ribs – in the shape of two hands, I’m sorry to say. I’ve given Dr Quinten some painkillers and recommended he remain in his room, on bed rest, tomorrow.”

“So there’s no risk from the injury to his head?” John asked.

“I dinna believe so, no. Obviously I’ve not run him through the scanner; you all seem verra keen for him to stay away from the infirmary, but there’s no evidence of anything sinister. Just a bump and a nasty headache. He’ll be fine in a day or so.”

“Thanks, Carson. You can go.”

Carson nodded and left, and John turned back to Dr Quinten. “Do you want to give me your side of the story, or shall I just say what I’ve come to say?”

“I would like to speak, Colonel,” Dr Quinten said, his voice not quite steady. “I don’t know what Adi’s told you, but I’d like to say that I had no intention of trapping her, or of scaring her in any way. I… I have strong feelings for her, and I was trying to ask her out to dinner. She… she hadn’t seemed to understand… I’ve tried before, but… I realise now that I acted far too forcefully for her. I… I’d read Dr Corrigan’s report, you see, and it seemed to say that there is no courtship phase on Capeliga, and certainly she didn’t seem to understand when I…” He hung his head, staring at the floor. “I’m sorry that she was so scared, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to upset her at all. I just wanted her to understand that I was interested in… in spending time with her. I wanted to have dinner with her…” His voice trailed off and there was silence.

John stood, staring at him, thinking. Adi had been terrified, but here was Quinten, saying he hadn’t meant any of it. “Adi says you were… she said she could see…” John huffed out an embarrassed breath. “You were hard, Quinten, she could see you were hard.”

Dr Quinten lifted his head sharply, his expression aghast. “No, I…” He paused, then shook his head. “Well, maybe… maybe I was a little…” He swallowed. “I didn’t intend any harm towards her, Colonel. I wouldn’t have… I didn’t mean to scare her, I… I really like her, and I… I may’ve been a bit… well, okay, if she said that, it must be true, but I wouldn’t have… I’d never…” He sighed, dropping his head forward again.

“And she said you mentioned the orgies her people had, and that you’ve been watching her, and you told her you want her.” John watched as the back of Quinten’s neck flushed red, but he didn’t say anything, just sat, head down.

“Right,” John said. “So you did want to have sex with her. That’s what she said. You told her about the orgies, you told her you wanted her, you were aroused, and you touched her.”

Dr Quinten’s shoulders moved forward, bracketing his head, the tension obvious, but he still didn’t speak, and John’s anger grew.

He huffed an angry breath out through his nose. “Yeah, Adi was pretty specific about what you said, and you may not have meant to trap her, but you did. We haven’t shared the reasons that Adi needs to be told when people are near her, but I would’ve expected you of all people, after that broken wrist, to realise that she has issues with feeling trapped, and having people close to her body. And yet, you still trapped her and touched her. And talked about orgies and sex and wanting her – which meant she thought that all you wanted was her body. I don’t know if that’s what you intended her to think… you’ve said you actually have feelings for her, but that really didn’t come across. So… she’s now terrified of you, and the thing is, Adi’s a valuable member of this expedition and she’s not replaceable. Scientists on the other hand, are. So here’s how this is going to go. You will not approach her in the mess, or the hallways. If you see her, you’re to go the other way, move aside, get out of her path. She won’t be helping you in the Chemistry Lab ever again. I’ll be speaking with Dr Zelenka shortly to make sure she’s never rostered to Chemistry if you’re there. I don’t plan, at this stage, to release your name, or the details of this incident to the Expedition as a whole, but, at Adi’s request, Major Lorne’s going to be sending out an email later today, saying that no overtures of a romantic or sexual nature are to be made to her.” John stopped, looking at the man in front of him. Dr Quinten was still leaning forward, eyes on the ground in front of him, showing no reaction to John’s words at all.

“Look at me,” John growled.

Dr Quinten lifted his head slowly, and John caught his eyes, holding them. His voice took on a very dangerous edge. “If you do attempt to talk to her, or approach her, I’ll tell my marines the name of the man who scared the shit out of her and touched her against her will.” John’s voice was steely, and he held Quinten’s eyes for five heartbeats after he’d finished speaking. Then he turned and left.

The anger was boiling through his body as he made his way up the hall to the transporter, and he slammed his fist into the wall when he got there, before leaning against it, just breathing. He shouldn’t have said that. He knew he shouldn’t have threatened him. But just looking at him, sitting there on the bed, and knowing that he’d terrified Adi to that extent, had made Adi think he was going to rape her… it had been too much for John to handle. Especially given the visceral rage he’d had to quash on the pier earlier.

He took a deep, deep, breath, letting it out slowly. There’s no way that Adi would have been hiding her reaction to the situation. If Quinten had looked at her, even once, he’d have had to have seen that she was freaking out. But he hadn’t. He’d just plowed ahead, blethering about orgies and scaring the daylights out of her.

He heard someone approaching and swung on his heel.

“Are you okay, Sir?” Lorne asked, his face concerned.

John shook his head. “I shouldn’t’ve threatened him.”

“I liked every word you said, Sir. And it’s achieved what we need it to. He won’t approach Adi again. So she’s safe.”

John nodded.

“Where is she now, Sir?”

“In her room. Alone. Door locked. Said she wants to sleep.”

“Well, the reaction to all that adrenaline flooding her system will have left her pretty drained. Are you heading to see Dr Weir now?”

John nodded slowly, realising he was going to have to tell Elizabeth. Bloody hell! Adi had attacked Quinten, she’d knocked him down and given him a concussion. Fuck!

Evan had followed the progression of thoughts across John’s face. “I’ll come with you, Sir. You can share Adi’s perspective and I’ll share Dr Quinten’s. I’m sure Dr Weir will see that Adi had no choice.”

John nodded. They entered the transporter in silence.

Standing this close to Evan, John could feel the tension rolling off his XO. Clearly underneath his seeming cool, Lorne was as upset about all of this as John was. He pushed that thought aside to be dealt with later, and led the way to Dr Weir’s office.

She looked up at them and smiled, then her smile dropped away. “Gentlemen, please come in and shut the door.”

Once they’d taken their seats, Elizabeth leaned forward. She’d rarely seen either of the faces before her wear such grim expressions. “What’s happened?”

Between them, John and Lorne explained the situation, from Chuck’s call sending John to the pier, to the discovery that Dr Quinten had cornered Adi, scaring the hell out of her with his talk of orgies and his actions, and had then been injured as Adi had sought to escape the situation.

Lorne gave the details of Dr Quinten’s injuries, and John shared the details of Adi’s visit to him, and the fact that she’d gone to ground in her quarters.

“He said he didn’t mean to scare her, but…” John shook his head. “I’ve told him he’s not to go anywhere near her again, and that she’ll never work in the chemistry lab again, if he’s there.”

“Will the marines have a problem with this?” Elizabeth asked astutely.

John nodded. “Yeah, they’re bound to. They’ve sort of taken Adi as their mascot, and they’re so careful about not touching her themselves… Quinten’s in his room for now, and Carson’s told him to stay there today and tomorrow. I haven’t posted a guard or anything, because I’m hoping the marines won’t become aware of this. I don’t want them taking justice into their own hands. It could get pretty nasty if they realise how terrified Adi was.”

“I think he genuinely didn’t realise Adi was scared,” Evan said reluctantly. “He just thought he was behaving in a way she’d understand.”

Elizabeth’s brow furrowed. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Well…” Evan sighed, uncomfortable with the role of defender. “He explained pretty fully to me. He’s been interested in her for a while, but Adi didn’t seem to get it. He asked her out for dinner and she brushed him off; he asked to the movies and she brushed him off; he waited for her at the movie, hoping to sit with her, and she dumped him on Chuck and went to cuddle up to Ronon. I don’t know if you’ve seen her with Ronon at the movies, ma’am, but she sits practically in his lap, all snuggly. Quinten saw that, and he’s seen her giving really long hugs to several different guys in the mess – he gave me names, and they’re all blue-greens she’s friendly with, myself included – and then he read Dr Corrigan’s report which was pretty clear on the open nature of sexual relations amongst the Capeligans – and so he assumed Adi was in a sexual relationship with at least four different guys. And so I can see how he reached his decision to approach Adi like that. I mean, I’ve read Dr Corrigan’s report myself, and it could be seen to say if you want to have sex with a Capeligan, you just… well, you just touch them intimately and they smile and there you go, you’re in. And since he thought she already had four partners, he didn’t see a problem with telling her he wanted to become her fifth – ‘join her bonding group’ as he put it.”

He paused and huffed out a breath. “I’m not condoning his behaviour in any way… I think he should’ve taken Adi’s personal circumstances into account, but he truly thought he was relating to her in a way that she’d actually understand, given her culture. I don’t think he’d have done that with one of our people, because our people understand if someone asks you to have dinner with them, it’s a date, and they’re telling you they want to get intimate with you without actually having to say it in so many words. And if Adi’d understood that, she could’ve knocked him back the first time he asked her out.”

Elizabeth shook her head, sighing. She’d wondered herself about Adi’s ‘bonding group’, after seeing her easy and affectionate behaviour with both Ronon and Lorne around the bonfire on the mainland after the recent archery tournament. She’d even started to doubt her own belief that Adi and John were a couple. She could understand how Dr Quinten could so easily have interpreted Adi’s behaviour to mean far more than perhaps it did. And with Dr Corrigan’s report leading him to believe that Adi would welcome the attentions of any man who was interested in, well, a closer relationship…

John shifted restlessly. “I haven’t read Corrigan’s report, but perhaps we need to take it off the server so no-one else decides Adi’s fair game.”

Elizabeth turned to the computer and did just that, changing Dr Corrigan’s report from public access to private only. She sighed again, considering Major Lorne’s words. “I’ll ask Dr Heightmeyer to assess Dr Quinten, and then we can see what she thinks. Has Adi asked that he be charged, or reprimanded, or… anything?”

John shook his head. “No. She’s told him to back off, and I think she considers the matter closed. And before you ask, Quinten hasn’t suggested Adi be reprimanded for attacking him, either.” He looked at Elizabeth. “She had no choice, and if you’d seen her on the pier…” His voice trailed away.

Elizabeth nodded. “I agree. In the circumstances, and given what Adi’s capable of when she feels threatened, I think her actions were actually very restrained.” She looked down at the table, lost in thought, and John turned to Evan.

“When you send this email Adi’s asked for, you’d better refer to Dr Corrigan’s report, make sure they realise it’s not an instruction manual for interacting with the last Capeligan in the galaxy.”

Evan nodded. His body was still tense, and John didn’t blame him. John was still feeling tense too, and angry and frustrated.

“Right then,” Elizabeth said into the silence. “I’ll ask Kate to evaluate Dr Quinten as soon as possible, and we can decide from there what we want to do. And she’ll also need to see Adi. I’ll contact her now.”

John stood. “I’m off to see Zelenka.”

“And I’ll go write an email,” Lorne said.

Chapter Text

As the door had shut on John’s concerned face, Adi had turned towards her bed, body slumping in exhaustion. The stress of the situation, the terror of remembered moments with the Bola Kai, the flood of emotion barrelling relentlessly through her body on the pier, plus the need to face Dr Quinten and ensure he understood her position… all of these had left her feeling incredibly drained. She wanted nothing more than to snuggle into her bed and fall asleep.

But she knew herself better than that. She was unlikely to fall asleep with this much tension and distress still running through her, so she made her way into the bathroom, stripping off as she went, and climbed slowly into the shower.

She set her mind free to just drift as the water washed over her in a never-ending cascade of heat and comfort. Almost an hour passed before she finally stepped out, dried herself on a towel, and climbed into the bed. She pulled her soft and silky Capeligan blankets close about her, and let her eyes close, sleep claiming her.

It was evening when she finally awoke. She drew a deep breath, feeling calmer. She was safe. She was in her room. She hadn’t been assaulted. She was okay.

Adi lay there, letting her mind wander back over the events of the afternoon. She felt herself tensing as she remembered feeling trapped, realising that Dr Quinten wanted her body, seeing the slight bulge in his trousers, knowing he was growing aroused, feeling his hand on her face… She let the heightened emotions of the moment wash through her body, trembling a little even now, but reminding herself that she was safe, she hadn’t been hurt, she’d successfully extracted herself from the situation. Eventually the tension bled away, and she lay soft and calm, amongst her blankets.

Taking a deep, sustaining breath, Adi moved her mind forward to the pier and remembered sitting in fear, her back to the ocean, her tears falling in an endless river of distress. And then John had come. Adi winced a little as her mind led her back through John’s arrival and her reaction. Her distrust. He’d been so gentle with her, taking such care not to come too close. He’d known what had happened before she’d told him, she was sure of it. John knew her too well to imagine she could be that upset over anything less than a threat of a sexual nature.

She breathed deeply, letting her breath out slowly and surely, and repeating it, over and over, calming herself, calming her mind. John had stayed until she was comfortable with him again, his aura syncing with hers in beautiful symmetry, refreshing and replenishing her own, pulling her back from the edge of insanity to talk of what had happened. To reflect.

And there was still more reflection to be done. Adi sighed. Although the situation in the lab had caused such terror, in retrospect, she wasn’t sure that it had been quite as bad as it had felt. Her only first-hand experience of intimacy between adults – apart from the two medically-motivated blow jobs with John – had been the three months of abuse she'd suffered at the hands of the Bola Kai. Before that, with her own community, all had been light and laughter, joy and sharing. She'd seen her people enjoying each other in a physical sense every single day, approaching each other in states of arousal, and being accepted with pleasure. There had been nothing harsh or scary, only care and love and desire. And the desire between her people had been a welcomed emotion, something to be celebrated with touch and murmurs of appreciation and pleasure. The problem was, Adi herself had never taken a partner, she’d never had sex with anyone. So her first experience had been the multiple pack rapes she’d endured during her imprisonment. The feelings of horror and revulsion from that time were rising up, and Adi let them… let the emotions fill her up, then set to, working again to mitigate them, to dissipate the fear and disgust. She was safe. She had survived. She had endured everything they had done to her, and she was stronger for it.

Taking another deep, cleansing breath, Adi set her mind to working out a way forward – for clearly, something needed to be done. Considering what she knew of Dr Quinten’s character prior to today, and the usual bright, clean, colours of his aura, she couldn’t feel that he had it in him to rape someone, to rape her. Perhaps it was just as he’d said, he’d read the information on her culture and had jumped to the conclusion that she would be open to a sexual interlude.

If her mind hadn’t been clouded with the instinctive flight or fight response, she may have been able to simply speak over him and ask him to stop, to move away, to leave her alone. Thinking about it, she thought he probably would have backed away. He’d never done anything before to suggest that he liked to dominate over her, and whilst his aura had been rippling in strange patterns, it hadn’t had the discolouration that suggested moral depravity. If she were a Lantean, and Dr Quinten had approached her as he’d done, she might have accepted his offer, or simply have told him no. Adi sighed. This was all such a mess.

Her mind started to tick over her own reactions, her own lack of experience, her own issues. Despite months of counselling, she still hadn't overcome the abuse the Bola Kai had subjected her to. Dr Heightmeyer was both kind and wise, but Adi had still reacted with terror when she perceived a sexual threat. Clearly something else needed to be done.

Adi lay and thought, and after a while her mind presented her with a simple fact.

She did not want the Bola Kai to win.

If she carried along her current course, she would remain affected by her past experiences, and she would be unable to form an intimate connection with anyone, be unable to conceive a child, be unable to experience the delights and challenges of motherhood. The aura skills of her line would stop with her. And the Bola Kai would have won, even though they’d already been gone from her life for almost twice as long as they’d been in her life.

Adi sat up. She was not going to let them win. She would overcome this. She would learn to accept amorous touch without fear.

Her stomach grumbled, and she paused in her thinking and glanced towards the door. She did not want to go to the mess, but she would like something to eat. Breakfast had been a very long time ago.

Wondering if maybe John had sent someone with some food for her, Adi crossed to the door and activated her view screen. Yes! There, on the ground outside her room, was a tray of food. There was no-one visible in the hall in either direction, and Adi quickly unlocked the door, opened it and pulled the tray inside, then relocked it.

She lifted the tray to her desk, and sat to eat. As she made her way through the different foods, Adi’s mind continued to spin, and by the time she was scooping up the last mouthful of jello, she'd formed a plan. She wasn’t sure it would work, but she was going to try.

She glanced at the clock and saw that it was very late. Sighing, she accepted that nothing would be achieved tonight. But at least she'd worked out what to do. She would try and find John somewhere alone tomorrow, and see if he would be willing to help her.

With that decided, Adi pushed the tray aside and stood, making her way back to her warm, snuggly bed, and settled for the night.

John had spent the remainder of the day doing what needed to be done, his emotions tightly locked down. He’d seen Dr Zelenka, had apprised him of the situation, dealt with the Czech’s distress that one of his staff had behaved in such a manner, and had arranged that Adi would be rostered only to Botany for the next few weeks at least. John knew she felt safe with the Botany team, and the plants helped to keep her aura balanced.

Then Dr Heightmeyer had radioed him, asking to see him in her consulting rooms. When he’d arrived, already tense at the probability of being asked to discuss Adi’s emotional state, Kate had told him that she’d been briefed on the situation by Dr Weir and had tried to see Adi, but there had been no response when she’d rung the doorbell. Did he think they should attempt to override the locks? John didn’t think so, no. He thought that Adi had asked to be left alone, and she should, therefore, be left alone, to cope in her own way. She had a camera screen, she’d have known who was at her door, and if she’d chosen not to open it, that was her choice. Kate hadn’t much liked that, concern for Adi colouring her voice. But John had been adamant. He’d then radioed Chuck and asked him to confirm there was a life sign showing in Adi’s quarters, and with the proof that Adi hadn’t acted in an extreme manner in her distress, Kate had backed down.

But with her main quarry out of reach, Kate had then turned her attention to the person who'd supported Adi in the immediate aftermath of the incident and John had been subjected to a whole lot of very uncomfortable questions about Adi’s emotional wellbeing, and what she’d said on the pier and what she’d said to Dr Quinten, and by the end of it, he was heartily wishing that he had just agreed to violate Adi’s door locks and let Kate into the room. But finally it was done, and he’d escaped, Kate agreeing that she would schedule an appointment for Adi the next morning.

It was evening now, and John was hungry. But he was also very, very frustrated and rather emotionally overloaded. He took himself down to the gym, and spent over an hour grimly pummelling the punching bag. Eventually he’d had enough, and he grabbed the punching bag with both arms, leaning against it as he panted, reflecting that his arms were going to be very sore in the morning. Some of the anger had drained out of him though, so he supposed that was helpful, although he still wasn’t feeling anywhere near calm.

He headed for his room, noticing that the tray of food Kate had said she’d ask the mess to deliver for Adi was just sitting in the hallway. Clearly Adi hadn’t opened the door for that, either. He paused for a moment, wondering if he should check on her. But he could still feel the impotent rage inside, and he didn’t want to expose her to that – or have to expend the effort to hide it. So he carried on to his own quarters, had a very long, very hot shower and then headed to the mess for a late dinner.

Lorne found him there, looking pretty unsettled himself.

John ran his eyes up and down Lorne’s body, seeing the tension in his frame, the set expression on his face. “Major,” he said, acknowledging him.

“I thought I might try to run the Ninja course, Sir. I wondered if you’d come too? It’s not sensible to do it alone.”

Obviously, Lorne was feeling the same degree of emotional overload that John had just spent a full hour trying to pummel out of his own body, so he nodded and rose from the table, bussed his tray and silently followed his XO down to the Ninja Room. This late in the evening, the marines had left, and they had the room to themselves.

As they approached the first obstacle, Lorne turned to John and opened his mouth as if to speak. But then he just shook his head.

“You start, I’ll follow,” John said into the silence, and Lorne nodded.

They made their way around the room, obstacle after obstacle demanding their attention and their muscles. Lorne wasn’t holding back, he wasn’t going slowly and gently. He was throwing himself at the obstacles, tackling them as if they were mountains that must be overcome to get to the promised land. John said nothing, just followed behind, the adrenaline that was pumping through him from the sheer physicality of the activity actually helping to calm his distress. About three-quarters of the way through, Lorne stopped on top of one of the obstacles, and waited for John to catch up.

“Will she be okay, Sir?” he asked as John settled next to him on the top of the wall. His gaze was averted, but the tension that had been there earlier was almost gone.

John considered the question. Radek had asked him the same thing. So had Kate. “She’s strong,” he said eventually. “She’s overcome much worse than this.”

“But not here, not in Atlantis, where she thought she was safe.”

And there, right there, was the nub of the problem. John huffed out a breath. This is exactly what had been bothering him. Adi had been safe in Atlantis, and then suddenly, out of the blue, she hadn’t been. “Yeah,” he said, unable to articulate his thoughts any further.

It didn’t seem that Lorne needed more than that though, because he nodded, then swung his leg over and began the descent. John followed him, and they worked over the remaining obstacles side by side. He could see Evan was much calmer now, and actually, so was he. The Ninja Room had done its job. Or maybe it was the fact that they’d shared their concerns. John huffed silently to himself. Bloody Adi, fixing his aura and making him connect with his emotions. Now he was attributing talking to making him feel better! He smiled softly to himself. God, she was amazing in how she’d just led him gently along the path, teaching him to feel his emotions and let them out, let them have their moment.

They reached the final obstacle and jumped together, dragging themselves up onto the foam pylon. John nodded at Evan to cross the monkey bars first, and when he jumped down, the course completed, Evan gave him a half-smile. “Thanks, Sir. I appreciated the company.”

John nodded. “Anytime, Major.” He reached out and gripped Lorne’s shoulder for the briefest of moments, then realised what he’d done and dropped his hand back to his side, turning away and leading the way out of the room. They walked silently back towards the city, side by side.

It was late now, and John still had his final rounds to do, so he nodded silently at Lorne as they parted ways, had another shower to wash away the effects of the Ninja course, then made his way to the Control Room, checking in with Amelia and the gate room guards. He passed the infirmary, then the labs, ending by sticking his head into the mess. Just a couple of late-night scientists having a break. He crossed to the counter and grabbed a muffin and a piece of fruit, standing on the balcony to eat them, staring out at the endless ocean, before heading back to his quarters.

As he came level with Adi’s door, he realised that her food tray had disappeared. He stopped, a small smile lighting his face. So she was still alive in there. Suddenly he had the urge to check on her, make sure she was feeling okay. He felt lighter somehow after running the Ninja course with Lorne, refreshed and able to maybe provide some support, if it was needed. Adi had never, ever, not once, turned John away when he’d needed help. For all his own emotional incompetence, he didn’t want to leave her in the lurch if she needed someone. And a hug right about now would actually be nice. The one she’d given him when he’d left her all those hours ago had been so tentative. He wanted the real thing.

He reached his hand towards the bell, then stopped and checked the time. It was after midnight. Damn! She’d probably be asleep. He stood for a moment, uncertain, just contemplating the door. Finally he made his decision, mentally asked Atlantis to open the door, and slipped inside. It was dark, Adi had the lights off. He raised them a little with his mind, before softly calling out, “Adi, it’s just John. I’m in your room.”

He saw her stir and then suddenly sit up, and he smiled at her, pleased when she responded in kind. He crossed towards the bed. “I’m sorry I woke you. I just wanted to check if you’re okay?”

“I am, John.” She slid out from under the blankets and joined him beside the bed, slipping her arms around him and resting her head gently against his heart as her body moulded itself to his. He ran his arms carefully around her shoulders and returned the embrace, tightening his hold when she showed no concern over his actions. This is what he’d wanted, this hug, where Adi gave herself over to him. John laid his head gently down against her hair and held her against him, so grateful that she was okay, that she’d recovered enough to let him back in.

They stood that way for several minutes before Adi stirred, lifting her head and stepping away. “I have spent many hours in reflection this evening, and there is something I wish to ask of you, but first, will you lie with me, John? I would like to feel your arms around me, holding me safe.”

John nodded quite willingly. He liked sleeping with Adi in his arms, and tonight especially, he wanted to feel her close to him, know she was okay. He hadn’t been sure she’d let him stay, hadn’t been sure if she’d still be in that dreadful state of distress from earlier. But she seemed pretty calm.

He bent and unlaced his boots, pulling them off with his socks. Adi was watching him expectantly, so he carried on, stripping off his BDU top and pants as well. He left his t-shirt on though, and his boxers of course. Then he slid into the bed beside her. She immediately snuggled up against his side, in her usual position – and John took a moment to reflect that this precious woman had a ‘usual position’ for sleeping with him. His heart warmed a little as he realised how completely she’d entranced him, sliding straight through all his barriers and making herself a little home inside his heart.

Adi snuggled close to John, so glad that he’d come to see her tonight. She felt the familiar exhilaration of their auras meshing and melding and lay there, enjoying the sensation of being exactly where she wanted to be. After a while though, she knew that she needed to speak. To ask for what she wanted, needed. She was a bit worried that John would be unwilling to help her, but she wouldn’t know until she asked. So, drawing her courage to the fore, she moved back a little from his embrace and began to put her case.

“John, do you remember, a while ago, out on the pier, you asked if there was anything you could do for me? I told you that I was fine, that all my needs were being met. But I’ve realised today that I was wrong. I do have a need, and it is not being met. And I think it is something that I need to remedy.”

John nodded in the half-light of the room, remembering that same conversation. Adi always put so much of herself into helping others in need, he’d wanted to give her something in return. He wondered what she was getting at now though, and if it would be something he could actually do.

“As I worked through the distress of what happened to me today, I realised an important truth.” She paused for a moment, gazing into John’s eyes. “I do not want the Bola Kai to win.”

That made sense, but John wasn’t sure why Adi was telling him this. “Do you want to talk to Dr Heightmeyer? I can radio her now. She came by your quarters earlier, but you didn’t answer the door.”

“I did not hear the bell. I had a very long shower and then I slept. But Dr Heightmeyer cannot help me with this, John. If I do not wish the Bola Kai to win, then I must take steps to defeat them, to overcome what they took from me.”

John thought about that remark for more than a minute, and Adi stayed silently at his side, letting him consider her words. “You, um, you said before that the Bola Kai had… had taken all chance away for you to—to be with someone.”

“Yes. I was truly terrified of what Dr Quinten wanted. But I think, even if he had not trapped me, and had not touched me, and had not mentioned the orgies of my people, I still would not have felt that I could spend any time with him in a romantic sense, because the thought of being touched like that… the thought of someone wanting… that from me is…” Her voice trailed away, a shudder running through her body, and John loosened his grip on her even more, giving her space and freedom, as he filled in the end of the sentence, “Is really terrifying for you.”

Adi nodded.

“So, um, what, um… what exactly does this have to do… with me?”

“I know that you do not have a romantic interest in me, John, but I also know that those you are attached to are unavailable to you. And I wondered… would you... would you be willing… I know what I wish to ask is a very big request, John, and if you are not comfortable with it, then you must just say so.” She looked at him earnestly, a little concern showing on her face, waiting for his permission to tell him what she wanted.

And John realised that the moment he’d been trying to work up to for weeks was suddenly upon him. Adi thought he had no romantic interest in her! He felt his body tensing, and then realised Adi would feel that too, so he tried to relax, but the thought of having to declare his interest in her right now, only half-dressed and snuggled in her bed, on the day she’d been terrified by a sexually motivated incident with a co-worker…

Adi’s face took on an understanding expression tinged with disappointment. Clearly she’d felt his body’s response to her words. “I can see this is not something you wish to discuss, John. I am sorry. It is not important. Please, forget that I spoke.” She settled back against his side, laying her head down on his chest.

John drew a deep, relieved breath. But the relief was short lived, because this was the coward’s way out. Whatever Adi had been about to say, she’d given up. And he’d offered to help her with anything, and she’d said she had something particular to ask him for. He tightened his hold around her and drew another deep breath. “Adi?”

She lifted her head and met his eyes, a gently questioning expression on her face.

“I… um… the thing is, um, I… you’re wrong, I… well, I…” He sighed in frustration. Why was he so useless at this? All he had to say was how he felt about her. Her assumption that he wasn’t romantically interested was so far wrong it was on another planet!

But Adi was nothing if not astute, and she’d realised from John’s broken words and strong discomfort what he was saying. A smile started at the corners of her mouth and grew until it covered her whole face. “John? Are you… are you saying that perhaps you do have feelings for me, beyond simple friendship?”

He nodded jerkily, not meeting her eyes, and felt her whole body go suddenly soft and pliant against his, her breath washing out of her in a lengthy sigh, full of relief. “Oh, John.” Her voice was teary as she cuddled even closer, her head nestling over his heart. “I am so very glad to know this. I had not thought you interested in more than casual companionship. And I was so very pleased to have even this much with you. To know that your feelings are deeper than that… oh, I am so very happy.” And then she was crying again, but softly and gently, and John knew these were tears of joy, and he hadn’t even had to say anything, she’d just understood.

Adi calmed again within minutes, and John felt that perhaps he should try and find out what her question had been. “What did you want to ask me?”

She sat up then, crossing her legs, and clasping her bottom lip between her teeth as she gazed at him intently. John rolled onto his side, facing her, one arm folded under his head, the other resting along his hip. “Adi?”

She was silent for another minute, and when she finally spoke, it came out all in a rush. “I have seen the couples at movie night touching one another. Rodney has put his arm around Susie and kissed her cheek, and I have seen others kissing each other on the mouth or neck and running their arms across each other’s shoulders, and the thought of someone doing that to me is… well, it is very overwhelming and scary. And I think that is what terrified me so much when Dr Quinten… when he…” She paused to take a very deep breath. “It was the fear that he might—might try to take my body. I am scared, John. I am scared of being intimate with someone. I have seen my people touching each other and sharing their bodies in joy, the pleasure evident to everyone from the noises they made, the smiles, the looseness of their bodies after they had reached completion. And that did not scare me in the least, although I never felt the desire to join them in more than friendship. But I had always hoped to find someone that did entice me to think of sharing myself with them. And… I found you. But I am scared now, John. I am scared of the thought of someone touching me that way. The Bola Kai took my body in lust, with nothing else between me and their desperate need for release. And they hurt me. They hurt me every single time they thrust themselves into my unwilling body. I have never had someone touch my body with kindness, with sweetness, with a gentle desire to bring me pleasure. I have never bonded with anyone. I have never invited someone inside my body, I have only been forced, taken against my will. And it has left scars that are not visible. I have experienced the pleasure of touching a friend’s skin with my own, of sleeping in a friend’s embrace. But always with hands that stayed still, not roaming over my body, touching me everywhere and eliciting sounds of pleasure, as I have seen with my own people. I have never had anything more than companionship. And if I stay as I am now, terrified of men and their possible sexual interest in me, then I never will have more than I have now. And then the Bola Kai will have won. And I do not want them to win. I want to have my life back. I want to have back the chance for love, for bonding, for pleasure. I want to be whole.” The force of her words deflated her, now that she’d managed to express herself, and she slumped a little.

“So, um… what... what do you, um, want… me to do, Adi?” John asked. He’d carefully kept his hands to himself during her diatribe, feeling the tension and distress radiating from her as she’d talked, as she’d explained her inner truth to him. The fact that she’d included him in there, as having found the one she wanted to be with, had sent a spark of joy through him. But then she’d spoken of her fear of being touched, of being taken. He wasn’t sure what she wanted from him.

“I would like you to help me to overcome my fear of intimacy. My fear of being touched by someone who intends to do more than just hold me in friendship.” Her voice quavered, even the thought scaring her.

John huffed out a breath. “So you—you want me to…” He stopped and pulled himself together. “Just to clarify, you want me to…”

“I wish for you to help me get used to non-platonic touch. So that I will not fear it. Is this something you feel you could do, John? I know that you are comfortable with the companionship we currently share, the sharing of skin and sleeping in each other’s embrace, and I am too. What we have together is beautiful and fulfilling. But now I am asking if you would be willing to move outside your comfort zone and touch me in a different way? I will understand if you cannot do this, or do not wish to. And I do not want to lose what we already have.” Her face was creased with concern. She was worried that her request was going to overload him and make him pull away from her entirely.

John closed his eyes. Adi was right that he was happy with what they had now. It was comfortable and welcoming and warm and supportive, and he didn’t have to try to say anything, or do anything. She just opened her arms and her bed and let him in, accepted him for exactly who he was. But now she was offering him the full package, everything he could ever want with her. He should really tell her that he’d be more than happy to help her towards being comfortable having sex with him, but he didn’t think now was the right moment to confess that he was usually half-hard when her body was pressed against his, when he was holding her, safe and warm, in his arms. He didn’t want to lose what trust she had in him. She obviously thought he was content with their platonic relationship, and that her request was going to unsettle him.

He’d be lying if he said he’d never thought of it. That back massage… he could easily have slid his hands lower and lower, run his fingers down over her backside, slipped them between her legs and… he felt himself growing hard just thinking of it, and shoved that thought away. Adi wasn’t asking him to have sex with her right now. She was asking that he touch her, slowly, surely, with intent. And given how scared she obviously was of intimacy, he’d have to go incredibly slowly. It was going to take weeks, months.

God, he wasn’t sure he was the right person to do this. What if he moved too fast, or touched her somewhere and it freaked her out, or didn’t pick up on her queues, missed seeing that she wasn’t coping? For him, touch and sex were very far apart, and he’d never been all that big on foreplay, liking to head for the main event as soon as his partner was aroused enough to let him. He was so uncomfortable with his own emotions, to try and support Adi’s as well, jeez that was well outside his skillset. But if he said no, who else might Adi ask to do this? Who else would she trust enough to let them touch her in this way? Because she’d obviously decided on this course of action, so she was going to try and find someone to help her if he said no.

A traitorous thought ran through his mind, remembering Adi and Lorne in the Ninja Room together, Adi and Lorne cuddling around the bonfire together… if John turned her down, she might well go and ask Evan to do this for her, even knowing that John felt more for her than friendship. Her culture was very fluid with their interpersonal relationships, and she’d said straight out that her people had many partners. And, unless John was way off target, Evan had some pretty strong feelings for Adi. He’d probably say yes. Right, well, John wasn’t losing her that way. “Okay,” he said, “I can do that.”

Adi’s face lit up. “Truly? You will help me?”

John nodded, staring bemusedly at her. That smile… jeez, it would be the death of him. “Yeah. I, um, I don’t… I don’t want you to be scared any more, Adi. I’ll help.”

“Thank you, John. I do not wish to be scared any more either. Today was truly awful and I would prefer never to experience such fear again. If I had been less terrified, I may have been able to let Dr Quinten know that I wanted him to stop talking and move away, but I was frozen with fear and the desperate need to escape.”

John reached out his hand and found hers, clasping it gently in support. “If it’s worth anything Adi, Lorne said he doesn’t think Quinten meant you any harm, and Quinten said he didn’t realise he’d trapped you and he didn’t mean to scare you. I’ve told him to stay away from you. You won’t have to worry about him again.”

“Oh, that was kind of you, John. Thank you. When I was reflecting on it all, I realised that he does not have the type of character that would have forced me against my will.”

“Yeah, I think you’re probably right. But Elizabeth’s getting Heightmeyer to assess him anyway.”

Adi nodded. “I will need to see her too, she will wish to speak with me.”

“Yeah, but that’s for tomorrow.”

Adi took a deep breath. “Yes. And for now, I would like to try some non-friendly touch.”

“Hey! It’s not unfriendly. That’s a dreadful name for it, Adi!” John remonstrated. “I don’t think you get to name things anymore.”

Adi laughed softly. “What would you name it then?”

“Romantic touch?” John winced as he said that. Bloody hell! Had that just come out of his mouth? He hurried on. “Sensuous touch. Safe touch?”

“Oh, I like that one. Safe touch. Because I will be safe, with you.”

“Okay then. Well…” John faltered. He really had no idea what to do next. How did you help someone overcome the fear of being touched? Then he realised that Adi had helped him with this very thing. He’d never liked being touched, not casual touch. And yet Adi had slowly but surely helped him, touching him, hugging him, holding him, until he’d been able to return the hug from the mother on that planet whose daughter had been lost in the snow, until he’d been able to hug Rodney in the infirmary when he’d said he was missing his cat after that horrific mission where John's men had been hung. So, obviously, you helped someone who was touch-averse to accept touch by slowly and surely offering safe touch. Well, where on Adi’s body would be safe to touch? “How… um… what… how do you…um…”

Adi lay back down and John quickly averted his groin, rolling onto his back again, so that Adi wouldn’t discover his state as she snuggled against him. That wasn’t for tonight.

“I would like to be comfortable with you, John, before… well, before…” She shuddered lightly, and John realised how very terrified she was.

“Sure,” he said, and slid his arms around her, holding her comfortably against him, letting her just rest there as he turned the problem over in his mind, wondering where it would be safe to try and start. He wondered if there was somewhere the Bola Kai hadn’t touched her, hadn’t tainted for her. “Adi, did the Bola Kai kiss you?”

“My people kissed my cheeks, my forehead, my hands, but never my lips. And the Bola Kai did not kiss me at all.”

“Okay, why don’t we start there, then?” He’d been told by more than one partner that he was a very good kisser, so he gently ran his hand under Adi’s chin and tipped her head up towards him, holding her gaze. But before he could do anything else, Adi had erupted from the bed and was on the other side of the room, shaking and staring at him, eyes wide.

He blinked at her, somewhat startled by her reaction. “Adi? Are you okay?”

She nodded slowly and after a few moments, started to walk softly back towards him, her arms wrapped around her waist. She stopped at the edge of the bed. “I do not think I am as ready as I thought I was,” she said, her voice quavering as her eyes filled with tears.

“Hey. It’s okay. You’ve had a shit day. Just because you’ve decided on a course of action, doesn’t mean you have to start tonight. Let’s leave it for now. Come back to bed and we’ll just sleep, like usual. Just friends.”

She stood there, staring at him for a long moment, and just when he thought he was going to have to offer to leave, she sighed, and started to climb back into the bed. She paused though, without touching him. “John, will you promise that you will not touch me in anything but companionship now?”

He nodded. “Yeah, Adi. Of course. I promise. Just what we normally do. Nothing more.”

She smiled at him then, and the wavery nature of that smile almost broke his heart. She was so fucking brave. And bad shit just kept happening to her. He wanted to keep her safe from everything, and he just couldn’t. He settled himself on his back, and felt Adi slide in against his side. Then her head came to rest on his shoulder, and her arm snugged around his middle and she relaxed against him. He threaded his arms gently around her, holding her far more loosely than was usual, and after a few moments, she said, “John, you may tighten your arms. I will not flee again. I trust you… I do. I just, I… it was just…”

He tightened his arms as requested, and kissed the top of her head. “It’s okay. I understand. Sleep now, Adi. Let’s just sleep.”

He thought the lights off, and Adi moved her head a little, getting comfortable, and then she went limp against him, her breathing leveling off.

God, the degree of trust she had in him was overwhelming. He hoped he never did anything to break it.

And, knowing that Adi was safe and warm and by his side, John let go and drifted away.

Chapter Text

Adi was alone when she woke, John having disappeared with the dawn. She lay thinking about the night before, about talking to John of her needs. She remembered with pleasure learning that he had deeper feelings for her, and her heart glowed warmly in her chest. And he had agreed to help her as well.

Her brow furrowed as she remembered her reaction to his touch. She sighed. Still, as John said, she had a plan, and it was obviously going to be a very long and slow plan, but she would get there in the end… with John’s help. Her expression brightened as she remembered she wasn’t alone in this. She had John’s support, and he’d done exactly as he’d promised, and held her just as they’d been doing for weeks, keeping her safe through the night.

She rolled over and slipped from the bed. Once in the shower, however, her feelings of contentment washed away as she remembered other things from yesterday. Outside the sanctuary of her room there were nearly two hundred people that she would need to walk amongst. She wondered if any more of them were harbouring deeper feelings for her. She had considered Dr Quinten a friend, and he had suddenly and unexpectedly sprung his desire for a sexual relationship upon her. And even John, whom she had always assumed was only interested in companionship, had said that he felt more. Clearly, he’d been hiding that, too. She wondered about these Lanteans, that they kept their feelings so close to them, hidden inside where no-one could see. When she’d asked John yesterday if he thought others of his people might feel the same way as Dr Quinten, he’d said it wasn’t possible to know, until the person decided to declare their interest.

That thought was deeply unsettling. Adi didn’t want to find herself in the position she’d been in yesterday ever again. Even if Dr Quinten had shared his interest in her in a non-threatening way, it would still have been disconcerting and unwelcome. And what if others here also wanted to have sex with her? What if others had read the same report that Dr Corrigan had prepared about the ways of her people, the way her culture had worked? Would they make the same assumptions about her? Decide that they could just proposition her for sex? Assume that she would just say yes and let them have her? She was regretting talking to the anthropologist. It had felt good at the time, an opportunity to preserve her culture, to make a record of how they had lived together in joy and harmony, loving and caring for one another, as a large happy family. But now…

Adi towelled herself dry and got dressed. She needed to go to the mess for breakfast. And she probably needed to go and find Dr Heightmeyer too. The daily sessions she’d been asked to have after attacking Ronon had slowly dropped in frequency to weekly, but Adi knew that after an incident of this nature, the base psychologist would want to check that she was all right. In fact, John had mentioned that Dr Heightmeyer had tried to find her last night.

So, there were things that needed to be done. Clearly, Adi was going to have to walk out of her room and resume life in Atlantis, walk amongst the community of people who lived here, any one of whom might be hiding amorous feelings for her. It was a very disconcerting thought.

Gathering her courage about her, Adi checked the screen by her door, and seeing no-one, she unlocked it, and walked out into the corridor. There was no-one in either direction that she could see, so she made her way to the transporter, jumping slightly and moving backwards fast when it opened to reveal a scientist. It was just Dr Arnaud, one of the marine biologists, and she smiled at Adi as she walked quickly away down the hall. Adi let out the breath she’d been holding and carried on with her journey. Arriving on the mess deck level, she exited the transporter and started towards the mess. She could hear the hub-bub of noise rolling down the hallway towards her, and she knew there would be many people breakfasting at this time.

She paused for a moment, considering returning to her room and coming back later, when the mess would be empty, but her stomach gurgled, disliking that idea, so, frowning lightly in discomfort, Adi continued on.

She stopped in the doorway to the mess, looking in. These were her people, and yesterday she’d felt safe in this space with them. Taking a deep, bracing breath, she sidled into the room and made her way softly around the walls, trying not to attract any attention. She was almost to the food queue when Dr Brown spotted her. Katie stood immediately, smiling her sweet smile, calling out, “Good morning, Adi,” and waving at her.

All eyes turned to Adi, even as Dr Brown turned to hug the person next to her, and there was a rustle across the mess as everyone stood and started the morning hug-in. It was normal that they waited for Adi to appear before beginning, but this morning Adi was wishing she’d never introduced this concept to the Lanteans.

The marine at the end of the food queue had a lovely aura, showing several different shades of green, and he turned to her and smiled, reaching out his arms in invitation, but Adi took a step backwards, shaking her head. “Not today,” she said softly, her voice strained, as she wrapped her arms about her waist.

His smile fell away but he nodded, and turned back to the queue, a concerned expression on his face.

Others had noticed Adi’s response, and Corporal Smithers suddenly appeared before her. “Adi, are you okay? Do you need help? Would you like me to hug you?” He’d helped Adi before when her aura had been unsettled, and thought maybe she was in need right now of some balance. He knew his blue-green aura was very compatible with hers and that she enjoyed being close to him.

“Oh, Matthew.” Adi smiled at him gratefully, but then her eyes turned wary, her smile dropping. What if he wanted more than friendship? He was a good friend and he hugged her often, obviously enjoying it. Her expression reflecting her consternation, she suddenly needed to know. “Matthew, do you wish to be intimate with me?”

Matthew stared at her in bemusement for a moment, and then started to stutter. “Um, well, I, um…”

Adi shook her head. “It is not an offer, Matthew, it is a question. Because I consider you a friend, a close friend, but that is all. And yesterday someone else that I considered a friend turned out… to not be.”

“Oh,” Matthew said, his posture stiffening as he realised what she was saying. “Well, I think of you as a friend too, Adi, but I already have a… um, I have… someone…”

Adi smiled at him, a smile full of relief. “In that case I would like a hug, Matthew. Thank you.”

“Okay,” Matthew said and stepped forward, into Adi’s space, drawing her into his arms. She held him too, but not like her usual, fully immersive, hug. This was far more tentative. He drew back after a few seconds, and Adi stepped away. She smiled at him a little tremulously.

“I’ll walk beside you,” he said, and stood with her as she went through the food queue. Those at the nearest tables had heard Adi’s words, and those who had already read their emails had quickly put two and two together. The ripple of conversation ran across the mess like wildfire.

Adi had almost finished making her breakfast choices, with Matthew standing protectively at her side, when Ronon appeared in front of her, rage rolling off him in waves.

“Who was it?” he growled.

Adi met his eyes and saw in him the urge to kill. Her reflections of the evening before, and the acknowledgement of her own issues, had helped her to put this incident at a slight remove, and although she wasn’t keen to spend any further time with Dr Quinten, she didn’t want him dead. “Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne have dealt with it, Ronon. Please do not get involved.”

“Who was it?” he repeated, his hand slipping to his hip, fondling his pistol.

She shook her head. “I do not wish to talk about it, Ronon. Please.” She turned to Matthew and gave him a half-smile in thanks, then moved carefully around Ronon’s bulk and, using her tray to provide a protective bubble in front of her, she made her way to the table where she could see Teyla, Rodney and Susie resuming their seats, their morning hugs complete. Ronon stalked behind her, his expression ferocious.

She sat, smiling tremulously at everyone. Ronon threw himself into his chair and glared at her. “Give me his name and you won’t have any more trouble.” He bared his teeth.

“I do not wish for any harm to come to him, Ronon. It has been dealt with. Please, may we speak of something else?” She turned to Rodney. “What will you be doing today, Rodney?”

Rodney looked at her with concern. Even he could see how unsettled she was today. He’d read the email from Major Lorne that had been sent late yesterday, and his quick mind had deduced what must have happened. Then Radek had spoken with him and apprised him of the exact details of the incident. He’d been horrified that one of his people could have done that to Adi, and he was planning to visit Dr Quinten and shout at him as soon as he’d finished breakfast. Looking at Adi sitting at the table with them now, tension in every muscle, her lip quivering, he felt his anger in her defence growing even more. But still, she clearly didn’t want to talk about it, and that worked for Rodney, because emotions were very confusing. So he launched himself instead into a lengthy description of the maintenance schedule and what things needed to be looked at today, where his teams would be working and what he, himself, would be doing.

Adi sat and listened, calming herself with the sound of Rodney’s voice, knowing that Ronon – although angry – was close by if she should need him.

She finished eating, and just sat there, unsure what to do next. She didn’t want to go to the labs today.

Teyla leaned forward a little. “Adi, are you sure you are well? Can we help with anything?”

Adi jolted a little. “I will be all right, Teyla. I just…” Her eyes caught movement, and glancing up she saw Major Lorne, just entering the mess, his eyes seeking hers immediately. “Oh. Will you excuse me, please?”

She stood and made her way across the mess towards Evan, suddenly desperate for the calm sanctuary she knew he would offer. He was moving towards her as well, but still, as she crossed the mess, she could feel people’s eyes on her, hear the comments they were whispering… and she had to weave her way amongst them, so many people, close to her body. By the time she reached Evan, her expression was distressed.

Evan took note of the tension thrumming through her, of the look of barely concealed panic on her face. “Hey,” he said softly, “you’re safe, Adi.”

She stepped straight into his body and wrapped herself around him, and he returned the gesture, turning their bodies ever so slightly for a little privacy. It made no difference. Every eye in the entire mess was glued to them. Adi was shivering lightly, and Evan spoke softly. “Let’s get out of the mess, Adi. Shall we go to your balcony?”

Adi pulled back from the embrace and looked him in the eyes. “I would like to go to the waterfall, Major. Colonel Sheppard offered me this yesterday and I said no. But it is what I wish to do now.”

Lorne nodded. “Okay, sure. I can take you now. Come on.”

He kept his arm about her shoulders as he led her from the mess, hearing the voices start up as they passed through the doorway into the hall. Right now though, he didn’t really care what the gossips were making of Adi’s trust in him, he only cared about her. She was leaning into him a little as they walked, but her eyes were scanning everywhere.

He tapped his radio with his free hand. “Colonel Sheppard, Sir? Sorry to interrupt your meeting. I’m going to fly Adi to the waterfall now. She’s asked to go. I think everyone in the mess knows something happened, Sir. Ronon was looking particularly murderous.” He listened for a moment, then said, “Yes, Sir. Will do.” Then he tapped his radio off.

They made it to the Jumper Bay and boarded Lorne’s favourite jumper. For some reason, he felt a stronger affinity with Jumper Three, and always preferred to take her if she was available, in the same way Sheppard always took Jumper One.

Within a minute or so, Lorne was lifting the little craft up through the roof bay door and into the blue sky. They flew in silence, Adi staring out the front window as they went, clearly deep in thought.

Lorne’s own thoughts were dark, but he took care to ensure his face wasn’t reflecting what was going on inside. He’d realised yesterday, when the Colonel had radioed him, that his feelings for Adi were much deeper than he’d expected. He’d known he was attracted to her. He loved holding her in his arms. The hugs they shared were always amazing, but he’d assumed he’d managed to keep his feelings superficial. She wasn’t available to him - he was pretty confident that she had feelings for the Colonel, and he knew Sheppard returned them. So he’d sheltered his own heart. But apparently not well enough. Because the shard of rage that had spliced through him, hearing what had happened, had stunned him. It wasn’t just anger that a woman under their protection had been put in such a position, it was that Adi had been put in that position. Adi had felt scared and vulnerable. He’d wanted to go straight out to the pier and wrap her safely in his arms, but of course he couldn’t do that. And so he’d done what he could do, what he was ordered to do, and that was to find Dr Quinten and deal with him.

Evan had accepted that Adi was going to seek comfort from Colonel Sheppard well before she sought it from him, but seeing her coming towards him in the mess this morning, feeling her hug him tightly, when she’d clearly been feeling incredibly uneasy, had left him feeling warm inside. Warm and wanted. Adi trusted him, maybe almost as much as she trusted Sheppard.

And now they were flying to the waterfall because she’d felt so unsafe in the mess that she needed to get away and be somewhere that would help her to calm her aura. He knew most of it was probably the aftermath of yesterday, it wasn’t just the mess this morning. But that whole situation must have been fraught with challenges for her. He spared a thought for his CO, hoping he’d managed to deal with Ronon before blood had been spilled. Sighing, he brought the jumper in to land in the little clearing halfway up the side of the waterfall.

Adi was already standing in the back, waiting for the ramp to lower, and as soon as it did, she was out and starting up the path. He followed her closely, not letting her get too far ahead, and when they arrived at the top, Adi stopped by a convenient rock and stripped off her clothes.

“Are you coming in too, Evan?” she asked.

“Do you want me to?

She started to nod, and then stopped. Sudden tension infused her body as she realised that she’d just assumed Evan was safe, that he wasn’t harbouring feelings for her, that he wouldn’t hurt her. “Evan, do you… are you…” She stopped and took a calming breath. “Evan, do you want… are you… do you want to have sex with me?”

Evan looked at her and bit his bottom lip. Fuck! He didn’t want to answer that question while Adi was alone with him on a mountainside. But he sighed, and took the path of honesty. “Not right now, no.”

Adi’s eyes widened and she took a step back. “What do you mean?”

Evan sighed again and stepped away from her, sitting down on a rock to the side, trying to look as unthreatening as possible. “I mean that I’m attracted to you, Adi, and I have been for weeks, if not months. But nothing is ever going to happen between us unless you make the first move. I know you see me as a friend, and that you trust me, and I’m really grateful for that. I’m never going to do anything that makes you feel unsafe. So if you want to hug me, that’s fine. And if you want to skin-time with me, that’s okay too. And if you want to lie curled up in a bed together, touching skin, just friends, then sure, we’ll do that. If you want me to strip off and come stand in the waterfall with you, then I will. You’re my friend first and foremost, Adi, and anything else… well, that’s entirely in your hands, and I’ve already accepted that friendship’s what’s available here, and I’m very happy to stick with that.”

Adi had been watching his body as he spoke, her eyes flickering up and down, looking near him rather than at him, and he realised that she was looking at his aura. “What does my aura tell you, Adi?”

Adi’s eyes rose to meet his. “That you speak the truth.” She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, her gaze considering. “My friend, Losiri, with whom I often slept, was of a similar mind to you. He would easily have welcomed me to a closer relationship. He often mentioned his desire for me, and it was quite evident that he was attracted to me. But I did not wish it, and so he freely offered me his friendship instead. Is this what you mean?”

Evan nodded, very thankful that Adi had some context into which to fit his declaration, and that she still seemed to feel safe with him. He’d been scared that she would run from him into the forest here, but she hadn’t, she’d stayed to listen and had seen the sincerity of his words.

Adi stood still, just looking at Evan. His words had startled her, but they’d rung true, his aura swirling untroubled around him as he spoke, and she knew that he’d told the complete truth. If she offered more, he would accept, but if she never gave him more than this, never offered more than her friendship, he would be content with that, as Losiri had been. He wouldn’t force anything on her. Not ever.

She stirred. “I have enjoyed your friendship, Evan, and I would like to continue to count you a friend. Will you promise me now that you will never touch me in anything other than friendship?”

“Yes, of course. I—I wouldn’t have said anything, Adi, if you hadn’t asked. But I didn’t want to lie to you. I’m really happy to be your friend, and I promise. Any… touch… that happens between us will be purely platonic.”

Adi smiled at him again – a real smile this time. “Thank you. I know you will keep your promise, Evan. If you would like to enjoy the sensations of the waterfall, then I welcome you to join me there. I would like to feel your aura settling with mine as the water pummels against my skin. But it is your choice. And the waterfall will replenish and calm my aura energies with or without your company.”

She turned and started to gently pick her way across the rocky ledge, and Evan felt the tension dropping from his body as he stood and stripped down to his boxers. Well, that had gone a lot better than it may have done. He wondered why she was okay with him saying he was attracted to her, but she’d totally freaked out when Dr Quinten had said the same thing. But then he realised that he and Adi had a much deeper trust relationship, they’d been in dangerous situations together, they’d shared skin-time, Adi already knew that he could be near her naked body and not take advantage, and he’d talked very matter-of-factly about his feelings. By all accounts, Dr Quinten had been so revved up at the prospect of getting some of the orgy-action embraced by Adi’s people that he’d lost sight of the gentle spirit encased in the woman before him. He’d been oblivious to her reservations, and had pushed his own agenda with no chance for her to get away. She’d felt very unsafe with Quinten, but she felt very safe with him. She trusted him.

Feeling immensely grateful for Adi’s trust, Evan made his way in under the waterfall, fully determined to ensure his body did not react to hers today, did not give her any reason to fear him.

Adi smiled in welcome as he approached and held out her hand to him, and he came right up against her as she snuggled into him, her breasts squashing softly against his chest, her arms encircling his torso. He hugged her back, wanting this contact, wanting to hold her to him, wanting to feel that she was safe and well, that he hadn’t lost her friendship by telling the truth. He’d needed this contact last night too, but of course he hadn’t even been able to hug her. The brief moments when she’d confronted Dr Quinten in his quarters hadn’t reassured Evan that she was okay – her face had been all puffy and red, and she’d been shaking. She’d looked terrified. He’d had to trust the Colonel’s word that she was actually okay. And he did… he did trust him. But it had been very hard, not knowing she was okay. He tightened his arms a little, holding her a little more firmly against him.

They stood there together for a long time.

The water was pounding into Adi, thrumming against her skin. She could feel Evan’s beautiful aura energies enmeshed with her own, swirling smoothly around her in blissful resonance. She could feel his honesty, his calmness of spirit, and she let all her shields drop, trusting in him, knowing he would keep her safe. She had nothing to fear from him. And so she let herself go, immersing herself in the moment, letting the force of the waterfall wash away all her angst from the day before and restore her inner equilibrium.

Eventually she stirred, pulling away from Evan’s body and taking a half-step backwards. Then she simply stood, her arms outstretched, letting her chest, her stomach and the fronts of her legs receive the full force of the water as well. Evan stood beside her, close enough to touch if needed, but content to let her do her thing.

Finally she started to move, letting the water wash over her as her body swayed in delight at the energy and balance being restored to her, and then Adi reached for Evan’s hand and gestured to him to head out. He led the way and crossed to the far side of the clearing where they’d left their clothes, and the noise from the falls was less.

They quickly dried off with the towels Evan had brought from the jumper, and re-dressed. Then, a comfortable silence between them, they made their way back down the hill to the jumper.

Evan lowered the ramp with his mind, and they both boarded. He brought the engines online and lifted the jumper into the air, turning it towards Atlantis. After a few minutes of silence, he glanced across at Adi. “You’re very quiet, Adi. Are you okay? Did the waterfall help?”

Adi smiled gently at him. “Yes, it did. I am feeling much calmer. I do not particularly wish to see Dr Quinten again in the near future, but I believe that I will be able to interact with him again eventually, as long as he does not try to touch me.” She paused and worried at her bottom lip with her teeth. “Evan, I am worried that others may have similar feelings for me, wanting more than friendship. You are all so adept at hiding what you feel, I do not wish to suddenly discover it, as I did yesterday with Dr Quinten. I did ask Corporal Smithers this morning what his feelings for me were, and of course I have asked you as well, but I do not wish to have to ask everyone.” She paused again, clearly thinking. “Colonel Sheppard mentioned that it might be possible to send an email, letting everyone know that I do not wish for more than friendship. Has he spoken to you of this?”

“Um, yeah. I sent the email late yesterday afternoon. I expect everyone will have read it by tonight.”

“Oh! Thank you. Then I do not need to ask anyone else these questions. I am very grateful.”

Evan found himself wishing that he’d mentioned the email before they’d arrived at the waterfall. That way Adi wouldn’t have asked him about his feelings for her, and he wouldn’t have had to confess. Although, beyond those first few moments, it clearly hadn’t bothered her. He glanced across at her - she certainly seemed much calmer. The waterfall had obviously helped.

He wanted to ask her a question, and he’d been holding back, but she didn’t seem to have any boundaries around discussing intimate matters, so he decided to just jump in. They were over the water now, and the jumper needed very little of his attention. “Adi, if you slept with Losiri all the time, and you knew he wanted to have sex with you, why weren’t you interested? Were you in a relationship with someone else?”

Adi shook her head. “No. Before the Bola Kai came and dragged me from my home, I had never taken an intimate partner. I slept with many of my people, in warm embrace, but I never sought the close affections of anyone.”

Evan looked at her in horror. “So… were you a virgin when the Bola Kai took you?”

Adi nodded.

Evan’s mouth dropped open, his face filled with compassion. “But, then… Jeez Adi, you’ve never known the joy of intimacy, only the terror and the pain.”

Adi sighed. “Yes… I think that is why I reacted so badly to Dr Quinten’s actions. I spent a great deal of time yesterday reflecting on this matter, and I took steps last night to try and deal with this issue.”

“What do you mean?” Evan’s forehead was wrinkled in confusion.

Adi gazed at him for a full minute before responding, as if considering whether to trust him with whatever it was she’d done. Eventually she spoke. “I have asked someone to assist me in becoming comfortable with intimate touch.”

Evan swallowed, knowing full well that meant she’d asked Colonel Sheppard. It had to be him. She just wasn’t that close to anyone else except Ronon. And he knew she thought of Ronon like a brother. “That’s a good idea, Adi,” he said. Then before he could stop himself, he went on, “You know I’d be willing to help too, if you needed someone else.” He winced. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

But Adi was smiling warmly at him. “You are a very dear friend, Evan, and I am very fond of you. I am fortunate to have so many kind and generous people to support me. If the need should arise, I would be honoured to accept your offer of assistance.”

Evan nodded, glad that he hadn’t put his foot in it. Another question was burning in his mind, and he decided he may as well risk it. “Adi, your people were very free with their affections… why didn’t you have an intimate partner?”

Adi sat silently for a few minutes. Glancing at her, Evan didn’t think she was upset with his question, more that she was considering her answer.

“I often wondered if it was because of my ability to feel auras. My people moved freely amongst each other, taking many partners and enjoying one another’s bodies in joyful fashion. But whilst I have always enjoyed the sensations of skin on skin, and the warmth and companionship of sleeping in the arms of another, I had never felt anything more, anything that led me to want to open my body to someone, or to allow them to touch me in anything other than friendship. I always hoped I would find someone whose very soul sang to my own, but I had to leave my home and travel a dreadful path of pain and torture to do so.” Her voice was soft and introspective, and Evan realised that she’d found someone here, in Atlantis, who sang to her soul. Sheppard. She’d found John Sheppard. He swallowed, and turned his attention to the jumper, while Adi sat in silent contemplation.

Eventually the city came into view, growing larger and larger and Evan brought the jumper in to land. As he started to stand, Adi reached out and put her hand on his arm. “Evan, thank you for taking me to the waterfall. I realise that my intrusive question about your feelings caused you to reveal more than you may have wished to do, and I am sorry for that. But I also want you to understand that I am grateful to know what your feelings are, because I now know that my trust in you is well placed, and you are truly a friend to me.”

She stepped close to him and sunk against his body, giving him one of her trademark-Adi-hugs, the type of hug that warmed him to his core, and reminded him that he wasn’t alone in this galaxy. He returned the embrace full measure, laying his cheek on her hair. He wished things could be different, but he couldn’t fault her choice of partner. He’d chosen Colonel Sheppard himself… and he was pleased that they had each other.

Adi lowered her arms and stepped backwards, smiling gently at him, and he returned the smile, then turned and, thinking the rear hatch open, he led the way off the jumper and back into the city.

Chapter Text

When John had woken in Adi’s bed that morning, he’d silently extricated himself and joined Ronon for his usual morning run. As usual, Ronon was completely silent as they ran, grunting when they stopped for a rest, but not requiring anything more onerous than a nod or a raised eyebrow to cement their communication. This had left John a lot of much-needed time to consider the events of the day before, and the events that had transpired in Adi’s bed in the early hours of this morning.

He and Ronon were almost back to their start point by the time John had processed everything, and had accepted a very unwelcome truth. He needed help.

Nodding goodbye to Ronon, John had a shower and dressed for the day. Then, metaphorically quaking in his boots, he headed for the consulting rooms of Dr Kate Heightmeyer, Expedition Psychologist.

It was the first time he’d ever willingly sought her out, but he’d realised that he needed some guidance if he wasn’t going to screw up this thing with Adi.

The door slid open as he approached, as it always did if Kate wasn’t in session, and he leaned against the frame, looking in. Kate was obviously eating breakfast in the peace of her office and, as she took note of his arrival, she put down her spoon, swallowed her mouthful and stood, walking towards him. “Good morning, Colonel Sheppard. How can I help?”

Taking a deep breath, John walked into the room and sat on the sofa.

Kate blinked once in startlement, then her expression settled, and she took her chair, sitting in a relaxed and welcoming posture. “What would you like to talk about, Colonel?”

John sighed. “I’m not here as Colonel Sheppard. I—I’m here as… as John.” He paused and caught her eyes for a brief moment. “Is that okay?”

“Of course, John. Please, tell me what’s on your mind.”

John closed his eyes. This was going to be very hard, but he needed help with this, for Adi’s sake. And so, painstakingly slowly, with many stops and starts, John told Kate why he’d come.

“Adi and I, we’re… we’re close. We… sometimes we… sleep… together. Just… sleep.” His eyes flicked up to Kate’s again, but her expression hadn’t changed to shock or horror. She was still just gazing at him with her usual professionally interested smile.

He rolled his eyes and looked back down at the ground. “She—she’s asked… she wants… last night, she…” He trailed off. It was too hard. He couldn’t do this.

John shook his head sadly, running his hands down his thighs, but just before he stood to walk out the door, Kate spoke.

“So, you and Adi have a close friendship. And you’ve been sleeping together in a platonic sense.”

John nodded. “Yeah. We… just platonic.”

“But the events of yesterday have had an effect on Adi?”

John nodded again. “Yeah. She—she said… she told me… she doesn’t want the Bola Kai to win.” This time he held Kate’s eyes for a full two seconds before looking away. “She… she’s terrified of—of being touched… by someone who—who wants more than… friendship.”

“And this was part of the problem yesterday? That she was terrified of Dr Quinten’s intentions?”

“Yeah. She said… if she’d been less afraid, she might… she might have been able to—to manage the situation better.”

“Does Adi have some idea of how she could deal with her fear?”

John nodded, running his hand over the back of his neck. “She—she wants me to help, to… help her get used to… being… touched.” He hunched forward a bit.

“I can see that Adi’s thought this through, John. This type of therapy is often successful.”

John looked up sharply at that, his expression dark, his frustration bubbling over. “It’s not therapy Kate, it’s her fucking life. And I don’t want to fuck it up! I tried, last night, I put one fucking hand on her. I touched her chin, and she was across the fucking room in less than a second, shaking and crying and…” He dropped his head into his hands. His voice, when it came, was muffled. “I—I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know…” He lifted his head and met Kate’s eyes, seeing, for the first time, a degree of compassion there. He leaned forward. “Kate, please stop being Dr Heightmeyer and just tell me… how do I help her? I… she’s so scared.”

Kate crossed her arms over her chest and sat quietly, gazing out the window, considering the situation. After a few minutes she dropped her arms and looked at John. “You’re already aware of the details of Adi’s past, so I’m not breaking patient confidentiality by discussing this with you.” She sighed. “John, this is going to take a very, very, long time, and a great deal of patience will be needed. Adi has suffered extreme emotional and physical abuse, and all of the normal pleasure responses have been tainted with pain and fear. I’ve actually found it quite fascinating to see that she hugs people so freely, and I think that’s due to her upbringing. She’s actually very comfortable inside her skin. And I’m pleased to hear that she’s formed a connection with you, is able to sleep in your company. The degree of trust in that gesture is quite staggering.”

John nodded. “I know. And she does… she does trust me, Kate. And I don’t… I don’t want to fuck that up. But… how do I help her? What do I do?”

“Well, if you’re comfortable with it, I’m going to recommend that you start by letting her explore your body, rather than you touching hers. Let her run her hands over your skin, kiss your chest and arms and legs, move around you in any way she wishes – within your own comfort zone of course. I think you should probably start with your trousers on, as a minimum… although,” she blushed lightly, “do you sleep naked with her now? Or clothed?”

“Um, never, um… never completely… naked,” John said, his face red. “Always boxers. Sometimes… on the… if we sleep on… the pier, then… fully clothed. Except for boots.”

Kate nodded. “So she’s used to having your skin available to her?”

“Yeah. She needs that. For her aura. Skin-time.”

“Of course.” Kate nodded to herself. “But you said the touch you’ve shared so far has been entirely platonic, so I think, since she’s used to you being in her presence in nothing more than boxers, that my suggestion will work. Would you be comfortable with that, John? To let Adi touch your body, all over. Before we move to you touching hers?”

“Yeah, I… yeah, okay. That’s… why?”

“Several reasons. It will let her start to explore pleasure in your body, before facing it in her own – because her touch will feel good to you, John, and she’ll see that your skin warms where her hands go, and if she kisses your neck, for example, that might make you shiver. But, and this is crucial, you need to let her touch you without touching her back. At least at first. Ideally, she’ll learn that she can bring your body to some degree of arousal, and still be safe, because you won’t force her, you won’t touch her or rape her, even if you’re aroused.”

John choked out a strangled noise at that, reflecting that this was the most embarrassing conversation he’d ever had.

Kate ignored it. “You know, John, touching you will also bring Adi a degree of pleasure. Hands are very sensitive, with thousands of nerve endings, and running her hands across the different parts of your body will let her receive pleasurable sensations in a very safe way.”

John nodded. “Step one. Let her touch me. Gotcha. What’s step two?”

Kate pursed her lips. “Ideally I’d like some feedback on how Step One went before we map out Step Two.” Her lips morphed into a smile. “But since I suspect this might be my only chance to talk to you about this, let’s plan a little further.”

John huffed out a laugh. “Yeah. Not sure I’ll be back.”

“Well, once she’s comfortable touching you, then you can touch her. But John, your hands are going to be very scary, because hands can grip and hold and pull and shove and force. So… no hands. You could touch her with your feet, or with your lips, or even run your hair lightly over her back or torso. Any touch that doesn’t come from your hands. If she needs it to feel safe, and if you’re also comfortable with it, you could restrain your hands in some way, so she knows you can’t suddenly grab her.” She looked at him, but John grimaced.

“Not a fan of being tied up. Too much like my day job.”

“That’s fine, John. You mustn’t do anything you’re not completely comfortable with. It won’t help Adi to see that you’re feeling unsettled, while trying to help her be less unsettled.”

John nodded, but then his brow creased. “I… um. I gave her… well, a while ago, she…um… she had sore shoulders, and I—I gave her… a massage. With my hands.”

“Ah, I see. But that was a platonic massage, wasn’t it?”

“For her,” John muttered, but not softly enough, because glancing up, he could see Kate trying not to smile.

“For Adi, that was safe touch, because at that time, your relationship was entirely platonic.”

“It scared her though. Because I—I had to… I, um… I straddled her… it… I couldn’t reach. And… she said I could… but then she—she made me talk, so she could hear me, so she’d know it was me.”

“You have a very good starting point here, John. It’s very obvious that Adi trusts you implicitly. I gather Adi was face down, and you were straddling her hips and massaging her shoulders, yes? So you had total control over her body, and could have made her do anything you wanted.” She paused and John said, “She fell asleep.”

Kate’s eyes widened. “Wow!” she said, obviously startled. Then she schooled her expression. “You’re in a great starting place, John, because she knows you won’t hurt her. Inside, she knows that that’s true. So she might react badly and move away from you as she did last night – and you need to let her do that, let her set the pace – but she’ll come back, because she trusts you. You should tell her what part of her you’re going to touch, keep talking to her as you go. She’s already told you that hearing your voice, as you’re touching her, is helpful for her.” She stopped and gazed at him. “Is that enough for now?”

John nodded. He’d got what he’d come for. He stood. “Thanks Kate. That… that was…” He shook his head ruefully. “Thanks.”

Kate smiled, standing as well. “You’re welcome. And John? Thank you for trusting me with this.”

John had gone straight from Kate’s office to a meeting with Elizabeth. They were doing performance appraisals and looking at succession planning – both things he hated with a passion – and he knew the meeting was going to be long and boring. He wished he’d managed to fit breakfast in.

Then Evan had radioed him, interrupting him with the news that Adi was distressed and asking for the waterfall. But there was nothing he could do right then to help, and he trusted Lorne to take care of her. But the added fact that Ronon was aware something had happened… John had immediately tapped his radio and directed Sergeant Coughlin to set a security detail outside Dr Quinten’s room – four marines to be stationed there, just in case, and had then radioed Ronon, asking him to come directly to Dr Weir’s office. Teyla and Rodney had arrived with him, almost dragged along in his wake as he stalked through the Control Room and took up position just inside Elizabeth’s doorway, waves of menace rolling off him. John had eventually managed to calm him down, explaining the whole situation with Elizabeth’s help, and making it very clear that Dr Quinten wasn’t to be damaged in any way. He’d made that an order in the end, and Ronon hadn’t been pleased, not at all. But he’d finally shrugged and said he was going for another run.

John had, with difficulty, turned his attention back to performance appraisals, but Elizabeth had taken pity on him, bringing the meeting to a close before they’d finished the full list of people, and he’d smiled at her gratefully, before exiting her office and going straight to Amelia, asking if Major Lorne had returned to the city yet. But he hadn’t, and so John had stood for a moment, thinking what to do next. He’d better check in with Sergeant Stackhouse – his team had a mission this afternoon, the delayed mission to Badagh.

But before he’d taken even one step towards the transporter, Elizabeth’s head poked out of her office. “Colonel? Dr Heightmeyer’s on her way up. She’d like to speak with us both.”

John froze for a moment, his whole body stiffening with horror at the thought of seeing Kate again so soon after the incredibly embarrassing conversation they’d just had. But there was no help for it. It’d been John who’d sought Kate’s help earlier, but now it was Colonel Sheppard who had to meet with Dr Heightmeyer. He sighed and went back into Elizabeth’s office, seeing Kate coming up the hallway from the transporter. He slumped onto the sofa, watching surreptitiously as Kate sat primly beside him. She didn’t show any signs of remembering that, just a couple of hours before, she’d been giving him incredibly personal advice about letting Adi run her hands all over his naked body. He twitched a little then stilled as Kate began to speak.

“I’ve just come from Dr Quinten’s room. I spent over an hour with him, but I was rather startled to see guards outside his room when I left. I thought you were going to wait on my report before taking any action?”

“Lorne radioed earlier,” John explained. “Said the news was all over the mess, and Ronon looked ready to kill. So I ordered guards. I think we’ve headed Ronon off, and he’ll keep away, but, well… it’s Ronon and he was angry.”

Elizabeth shuddered. She’d never seen such implacable intent before. She’d been very impressed with the way John had handled him. Of course, Teyla’s calming good sense had also helped. But she thought perhaps the thing that had really swayed him was Rodney throwing his hands in the air and saying, “Oh for God’s sake, Conon. Adi asked you herself, to stay out of it. She told you Sheppard and Lorne had sorted it out. She doesn’t want you to hurt the guy, so put your gun away and use whatever brain cells have survived under that mountain of hair and accept that you can’t kill this one.” Elizabeth brought her mind back to the present and saw Kate was nodding her understanding.

“That’s unfortunate,” she said.

“Yes, it is,” Elizabeth said, clasping her hands in front of her. “How did your session with Dr Quinten go?”

“He’s given me permission to speak freely to the two of you regarding our conversation. I found him to be very forthcoming and deeply remorseful for his actions. He explained what had happened in the light of a cultural misunderstanding. He’d realised Adi hadn’t seen his earlier attempts at courting in that light, and from Dr Corrigan’s report, he’d deduced that the Capeligans didn’t really have a courtship phase, they just commenced close intimate relationships without any lead in. So he decided that he’d follow that course and fit within Adi’s cultural framework. He’s been without… company… since arriving here more than two months ago, and he’s very ashamed that he let his baser feelings get on top of him.” She turned her gaze to John. “He was unaware that his body’s response was obvious until you mentioned it, and he certainly appeared mortified that Adi had been exposed to his desire like that. He deeply regrets his actions. I’ve assessed him and I don’t believe he’s a threat to anyone else on base, and I don’t believe he’s any further threat to Adi, either. He praised her courage in coming to talk to him yesterday after the incident, and spoke of his sorrow in losing her friendship. I consider this to have been a very unfortunate cultural misunderstanding, with the situation being exacerbated by Adi’s personal issues surrounding intimacy.”

Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn’t expected Kate to find that Dr Quinten was a sexual predator, but it was reassuring to hear her actually say there was no further risk. “So, you don’t believe a reprimand should be placed on his file?”

“No, I don’t. This situation is very unusual of course, and I’ve spoken with him regarding cultural differences, and the need to still act with accordance to our own standards.” She paused. “And actually, he said that Dr McKay had visited him this morning, before having had his third coffee, and let Dr Quinten know exactly what he thought of him. So perhaps we can consider that a verbal reprimand has been given by his supervisor?”

John nodded curtly. He was thankful that Dr Quinten didn’t have the temperament of a serial rapist, but he’d still scared the bejeesus out of Adi, and John didn’t think he’d be smiling at him anytime soon.

Kate sighed. “It’s very unfortunate that details of this incident have leaked out. It’ll make it that much harder for Dr Quinten to resume his duties. Do we know how it became common knowledge?”

“Teyla mentioned that Adi rejected a hug this morning in the mess from one of her usual people,” Elizabeth explained, “and when one of her close blue-green friends approached to check on her, she asked him if he wanted to have sex with her – a question, not an offer, as she apparently clarified. I imagine she was feeling threatened, because she hadn’t picked up on Dr Quinten’s interest in her, and she told him that another friend had turned amorous. Anyway, that comment, coupled with the email Major Lorne sent last night telling everyone that they’re only to offer friendship, meant everyone put two and two together. The only question in everyone’s minds was over the identity of the perpetrator.”

Kate nodded. “Well, I’ll let Dr Beckett know that I’m happy for Dr Quinten to resume his duties as soon as he’s medically cleared to leave his room. There’s a few other things though… Dr Quinten has asked for the opportunity to apologise to Adi in person—” she broke off, feeling John stiffen beside her. “Colonel, I don’t believe he’s any threat to her. And whilst she had the opportunity to speak to him after the incident, he’s not had the chance to apologise to her. I haven’t been able to meet with Adi yet this morning – I was informed that Major Lorne has taken her to the waterfall – but when I do, I intend to ask if I can set up a meeting between the two of them. This is a small community, Colonel, and Dr Quinten will be here for at least another four weeks, before the Daedalus arrives. He’d prefer to stay long-term as he says Atlantis has been the pinnacle of his career. But if we make it difficult for him, then he may well be forced to leave, or he may end up injured. What do you think might happen if Adi were to see him unexpectedly in the mess and flinch away from him? What do you think your marines would do then? Or Ronon, if he saw that?”

John frowned, imagining all too well the carnage that would follow. “Fine. Offer her the option. But not alone.”

“No, of course not. I’ll be there the whole time. In essence, it’ll be a mediation meeting.”

“If Adi’s not willing,” Elizabeth said, “what happens then? Do we allow him to stay regardless? Or do we send him back to Earth? Obviously in such a confined community, we can’t really have these sorts of tensions going on indefinitely.”

“I spoke with Dr McKay before I came to debrief you, and I asked for his professional opinion on Dr Quinten’s skills. He said he has ‘an acceptable level of competence’ and ‘is not completely useless.’” Her eyes sparkled a little, and John huffed out a breath – Rodney obviously thought the guy was worth the effort, then.

Kate had gone on, “I think, if we can resolve this personal issue to a point where Adi feels safe with him here, in the city, then we should certainly allow him to stay, even encourage him to do so. He’s feeling very timid, unsure of how he’ll be received.” She leaned forward a little. “Dr Weir, I think it would be wise to send out another email, advising everyone of what has occurred. I can help you word it. At the moment, rumour is obviously rife, and people will be inclined to make this worse even than it is. We don’t want any emotions boiling over.”

Elizabeth nodded and opened her mouth to respond, but Kate had jerked slightly, lifting her hand to her radio. “Thank you,” she said, then tapped her radio again. “Major Lorne? Can you please ask Adi to meet me in my rooms? Yes, now would be good. Thank you.” She stood, shaking out her skirt. “The Major and Adi have returned, so I'll be unavailable for the next hour or so.” She nodded to them both and left the room.

John stood too, and made his way out of Elizabeth’s office. Clearly, he wouldn’t be able to check on Adi now, but he was glad to know she was safely back in Atlantis. He sighed, and headed off to find Sergeant Stackhouse.

John stood in the Control Room just after lunchtime, watching as Amelia dialled the Badagh’s home world. Down below, on the gate room floor, Sergeant Stackhouse and his team were waiting to accompany Dr Beckett and the nurse, Marie, to the planet. The Badagh received regular medical care in return for their prowess with all things pottery and glass, and the science labs had requested that a few round-bottomed boiling flasks be commissioned this visit, to enable certain experiments to go ahead. The Daedalus was still a month away from re-supplying the city, and if local products could be acquired…

The wormhole formed and John moved across to the railing, watching as Stackhouse gathered his team and led the way through the event horizon. The gate shut off and John went down the staircase and across to Corporal Dixon who was on guard duty. He’d been injured in a training bout with Ronon the week before, and John wanted to check that he was fully healed.

John hadn’t even reached Dixon when the gate chevrons started to light, and Amelia was calling out “Unscheduled off-world activation,” then a second later, “It’s Sergeant Stackhouse’s IDC.”

The gate shield shimmered out of existence and Carson, then Marie, followed by Yamato, Morrison and Dr Corrigan materialised at the run. A second later and Stackhouse himself was through the gate. “Shut it down,” he shouted, “and redial that planet immediately.”

Amelia complied, and the gate re-engaged, the wormhole whooshing out, then settling.

“Report,” John ordered, as he came up with Stackhouse.

“It’s the Genii ATA device, Sir. There’s one on Badagh.”

John blinked once. Twice. And then he was in motion. He mounted the stairs two at a time, calling to Amelia for city wide. She nodded as he reached her console, and he started talking straight away. “All on-duty marines, gear up and get to the gate room. We have a potential Genii attack incoming on the Badagh home world. We deploy in five minutes, people. Hustle.”

Elizabeth was standing right behind him when John turned. She gripped his arm. “Colonel, what are you doing? If the ATA device is there, we should stay away from that planet, like we have the last couple of times. The Genii will have detected the gene as soon as our people went through. They could be on their way.”

“That’s the point, Elizabeth. The other planets were unpopulated – but the Badagh won’t stand a chance. You know what the Genii did to the village where Adi’s people were living.” He pulled away and ran for the armoury, gearing up at record speed. His mind was racing. The Badagh gate was deliberately placed facing a sheer cliff, so it wasn’t possible to take jumpers through. It also, incidentally, meant any Darts that tried to access the planet through the gate ended up as crumpled stains. But the relevance now, was that he’d have to take his troops in on the ground and deploy them to cover the gate. With Stackhouse’s quick thinking in immediately re-establishing their own, outgoing wormhole, they’d effectively blocked the Genii from dialling in to Badagh, but they still needed to send a MALP, just to be certain. He wasn’t walking his troops into an ambush.

He was back in the gate room now, and the MALP was lumbering its way through the gate on his order. There were no life signs showing in the immediate area – the Badagh had several villages, but they were each a good six or seven kilometres from the gate, in a sort of circle around it – so John moved to the front of the gate and turned to face his troops. They fell silent immediately, awaiting orders.

“A Genii ATA detector was found on the Badagh DHD less than ten minutes ago. Sergeant Stackhouse’s team returned to base immediately, and we dialled straight back to the planet and have kept the wormhole open. There are no life signs showing around the gate. We’re going through now, deploying around the gate, far enough back that we won’t be easy targets if the Genii come through firing. I’m willing to give them one chance to stand down, but if they don’t take it, your orders are to shoot to kill.” He turned and headed through the gate, his marines following him with all the loyalty that the Pegasus Galaxy had bred into them.

Ten minutes later and everything was set. The area near the gate was rocky and barren, but further back, foliage started up. John had hidden his troops roughly a hundred and fifty metres back from the gate, just as the underbrush started to thicken. He’d sent a deployment of troops up to the top of the cliff as well, and they should be arriving there within a few minutes. Everyone would have good visibility of the arriving Genii, but be far enough away to be safe from random bullets.

John settled in near Teyla and Ronon. He wasn’t sure how long he was prepared to keep his troops here, waiting at the ready for the gate to activate and a flood of Genii soldiers to appear, focussed on wiping out the supposedly unsuspecting Lanteans. He wondered how long the ATA detector device took to deliver the message once it’d been triggered, and how long it would take the Genii to gear up their soldiers and deploy them. He was still wondering that, when the gate lit up and moments later, the wormhole whooshed into existence.

Tensing, he watched as the Genii began to emerge. They came through stealthily, dressed in Genii uniforms that were in scrappy condition, and they were each armed with one of the Genii guns. The first twenty or more troops were through and moving to the sides of the gate when Commander Acastus Kolya emerged from the event horizon. It was impossible to mistake him. His arrogant eyes swept the area in all directions, before stepping forward and out of the way of the continuing stream of Genii.

John took a deep breath and, as loudly as he could, shouted, “Kol-ya!”

That got their attention. The Genii dropped to their knees, rifles up, looking this way and that, trying to see where the voice had come from. “Who calls me by name? Is that you, Sheppard?” Kolya shouted back.

“Yep. I’m going to give you—”

But there was no time for more. Kolya’s hand had dropped and the Genii guns had opened fire. John threw himself to the ground, tapping his radio and shouting, “Return fire.” It wasn’t necessary. His marines hadn’t waited for the order, opening fire a split second after the Genii.

The carnage in front of him was incredible. The Genii already on the planet were continuing the barrage of bullets despite being shot once or twice or more. The last of the enemy soldiers emerged from the event horizon, already opening fire, and the gate shut down.

John was firing on automatic, spraying the area in front of him, hitting multiple targets, but from the corner of his eye he saw a group of Genii clustered around the DHD, defending someone there, even as they were peppered with bullets. And then the wormhole was bursting to life again, and those of the Genii who were still mobile were racing for the gate. John watched as an injured man on the ground held up his hand, a clear plea to be taken back through the gate, but Kolya simply pointed his gun and fired, and the hand fell, lifeless to the ground. And then the Genii were gone, and the wormhole shut down again and the clearing was filled with silence. There were a few moans, not many, but some.

Then Corporal Kaillen broke from cover, racing for the DHD, as ordered, to dial the alpha site, establishing a wormhole to prevent the Genii simply gathering additional forces and returning. One of the injured Genii raised his gun, pointing it at Kaillen, and a storm of P-90 fire overtook the clearing. When the noise died down, there was no further risk to the Lanteans.

John stood and moved forward towards the fallen. He tapped his radio, opening a channel to his troops. “I’m going to check for survivors. All eyes on detecting threats and eliminating them.” He knew Kaillen had taken an insane risk, getting to the DHD. They’d already proven that the Genii didn’t go down easily, fighting on with almost religious fervor, even when shot multiple times. That’s why there’d been so few survivors from the ninety soldiers that had tried to invade Atlantis using the Ancient warship. And that was also why there were so few survivors now. Or, as he discovered after checking all forty-three bodies, no survivors.

The event horizon continued to ripple – Corporal Perez had been ordered to hold his arm inside the wormhole, preventing it from shutting down. It would remain connected for another fifteen minutes before it shut down automatically. At that time, John wanted to be ready to dial the Genii home world and push the dead bodies through. They couldn’t stay lying here, decomposing by the Badagh’s gate. And he didn’t want to build a funeral pyre for so many.

He signalled for the marines to close on his position, and set them to stripping all weapons and ammunition from the bodies. It was distasteful work, but he couldn’t see the sense in re-arming the Genii people. Let them lose their weapons along with their people. It wasn’t going to slow them down any. They had an incredible disregard for the lives of their citizens.

The bodies were dragged into a pile, ready to be pushed through the gate. John had personally written a note and attached it to the body of the soldier that Kolya had shot. The note was brief “Commander Kolya shot this man in cold blood when he called for help to return home.” Kaillen, their speediest dialler, was standing at the DHD, ready to dial the Genii home-world the moment Perez withdrew his arm, causing the gate to disengage.

It all went as smoothly as he’d expected. The gate engaged, the bodies were pushed through one after another, and John could only hope there was someone on the other side moving them away, to make room for them all.

The last of the dead was pushed through, and John ordered Perez to put his arm back inside the event horizon, ensuring the gate remained open. If he’d allowed the gate to close the moment the last body was through, the Genii may have been waiting and beaten them to the redial. This way, they could be unpredictable with shutting it down and dialling Atlantis.

John beckoned Stackhouse to him. “I want to shut that gate down around the thirty-three minute mark, so the Genii won’t be expecting it. That’s in about eight minutes. Once we’ve established a connection to Atlantis, we’ll need to check out the villages, make sure everyone’s okay. Ask if they were aware that the Genii had planted that device. See if they know when it was done.” John turned to survey the clearing and his marines. “Let’s pull everyone back, just in case the Genii beat us to the re-dial. We’ll leave Kaillen at the DHD – she’s the quickest we have – and we’ll leave three marines to each side of the gate to cover her and Perez, just in case. When everyone’s in place, I’ll order Perez to pull his arm out to cut the connection to the Genii and hope like hell that we can dial Atlantis before the Genii redial Badagh.”

Stackhouse nodded his agreement and deployed the troops as per John’s directions. Ronon hovered, wanting to be one of those that stayed close to the gate, just in case. Genii weren’t Wraith, but in Ronon’s opinion, anyone who tried to kill the Lanteans was fair game. These were his chosen people, and his loyalty to them was strong. But John convinced him that he was best placed on the cliff above the gate, with a clear view of anyone emerging through the event horizon. The cliff made it impossible to cover the gate from head on, which is why having Ronon up above with a few of the other marines was a good move.

There were three marines to either side of the gate, at ground level, with John himself to one side as well. Corporal Kaillen was waiting at the DHD, poised and ready to dial Atlantis. When John’s watch beeped to mark the time, he signalled for Perez to extract his arm from the event horizon. The moment the gate shut down, Kaillen started dialling, but it seemed even her best speed wasn’t enough. An incoming wormhole whooshed into existence.

“Retreat!” John shouted, his gun up as he backed away, ready to cover those of his men who were closer to the gate. But then his eyes widened as he saw a package of what looked like C4 lob through the gate and land on the ground.

“RUN!” he shouted, even as the C4 exploded, hitting the cliff. A shockwave rammed into his body, throwing him through the air, debris raining down all over the clearing, chunks of rock flying through the air in all directions, some slamming into him.

The world went dark.

Chapter Text

Major Lorne had been left behind on Atlantis when the call to arms went out, assuming command of the military troops remaining in the city in the Colonel’s absence. He’d watched as the Lanteans went through the gate, armed and ready to repel the expected Genii attack, and he’d felt the tension thrumming through him, hoping like hell that they’d come out on top in the coming battle.

Then there was nothing for him to do, and he’d turned away. Knowing he’d be apprised instantly of any news, he’d sighed and headed for his office.

Two hours later, there’d been no word from Badagh.

Lorne found himself standing on the balcony of the Control Room, gazing down at the silent Stargate. Elizabeth joined him there.

After a while, Rodney appeared. “How long will Sheppard wait if the Genii don’t come, Major? What if they’ve already been and our people are lying there, injured and needing help? We can’t just keep standing here, wondering. We need to dial in and check what’s happening.”

Lorne turned to him. “The Colonel will keep the gate under guard for as long as it takes, Dr McKay. We don’t know how long it takes for the device to send the message to the Genii. Or how long it’ll take them to launch an attack – or even if they will. If we dial in, we might block the Genii from dialling in and sending their troops through.”

Rodney shook his head. “We can establish a wormhole, get a thirty second update, and shut it down. The likelihood of the Genii choosing the exact same thirty-seconds to begin their attack is miniscule. And I think it’s worth the risk. The whole city’s on tenterhooks. None of my scientists are working effectively. They’re all just milling about, worrying that our marines are being slaughtered while they’re writing up results of experiments! And if the Genii are already there, it matters even less if we dial in.”

Lorne looked across at Elizabeth.

“It would be reassuring to receive an update, Major.”

Evan nodded. It would. He completely agreed. Tactically it was a bad plan, but from every other viewpoint… He crossed over to where Chuck was eavesdropping on their conversation and said, “Dial it up, Chuck.”

The chevrons lit around the gate below them, but then fizzled out. “Unable to get a lock,” Chuck said. He moved his hand back to the DHD and redialled with the same result. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Sir. We’re unable to create an outgoing wormhole to Badagh.”

Rodney pushed Chuck rudely aside, and dialled the planet himself, but it made no difference. The gate simply wouldn’t engage. “So the Genii are attacking right now,” he muttered. There was silence around him, as everyone on the Control Deck took in the news. Evan sighed. “Well, we should have some news within the hour then,” he said, and took himself down to the gym to take out his nerves on the punching bag.

But an hour later, there still hadn’t been any contact.

Evan, Rodney and Elizabeth met silently in the Control Room. Radek had joined them, his face showing his worry as they watched Chuck dial the gate.

It still wouldn’t engage.

“Try again in thirty minutes, Chuck,” Evan said. “They may simply be sending bodies back to the Genii, and holding the gate open so the Genii can’t dial back in. We don’t know anything yet.”

Elizabeth sighed. “Do we have a contingency plan, Major?”

Before Evan could answer, Rodney’s head came up and he started to click his fingers, both hands going at once. “The Avenger. If the gate still won’t engage in another hour, and we’ve heard nothing from the planet, we’ll have to go and see.”

Evan nodded. “That’s what I was thinking, yes. We’ll fly the Avenger to the planet with medical personnel aboard, and some marines, and find out what’s happened. Render aid as needed.”

“How long will it take to get there?” Elizabeth asked.

“Relatively speaking, Badagh’s quite close to Atlantis,” Rodney said. “It’s… maybe… an hour—”

“Hour and a half,” Radek interpolated.

Rodney frowned at him. “Yes, fine, an hour and a half, in hyperspace.”

Elizabeth nodded. “Please get everything prepared, Major.” She turned to Rodney. “Can the Avenger send and receive radio signals while in hyperspace?”

“Yes, of course. Why? Oh...” His tone turned knowing.

“Yes, oh. Get everything together, and you can leave as soon as you’re ready. We can always recall you if the Colonel makes contact.”

Evan nodded and headed off to enact the orders. Ten minutes later, he had medical sorted, food and ammunition supplies were being loaded onto the Avenger, Coughlin had received a full handover, and fifteen marines had been given their orders to board the warship. There was only one thing left to do.

“Chuck,” he called as he came into the Control Room. “Dial it up one last time, please.” He watched as the wormhole tried, and failed, to connect.

Evan turned to Elizabeth. She nodded. “God speed, Major Lorne. Bring our people home.”

Evan walked onto the bridge of the Avenger and looked around. There were scientists standing at various consoles, and as he turned to the Captain’s chair he saw Adi sitting on the edge of the dais, her expression uncomfortable, flinching at the noise of something falling to the floor behind her. “Adi,” he said as he approached. “What are you doing here?”

She smiled at him, but it was pretty tremulous, and his anxiety notched a little higher. But her voice, when she spoke, was a good approximation of her usual calm. She was obviously trying to sound okay. “I am aware of what has happened, Major. I may be of assistance if there has been an attack and there are injured. May I journey here, beside you?”

He took in the tremble in her hands, the tightness around her eyes, and nodded. “Yeah, of course.” He sat down and leaned towards her, speaking softly. “You can touch my skin if it’ll help you to feel calmer, Adi.”

And then all his attention was for the ship and the mission. His radio chirped, confirming that all supplies were now aboard, all personnel accounted for. He acknowledged the update and mentally locked the doors in the outer hull.

Rodney called out, “Green lights across the board, Major. We’re good to go.”

“Thanks, McKay.” And Evan brought the engines online and lifted the warship into the air, rocketing upwards into space and launching a hyperspace window.

Adi sat beside Evan’s chair, her hand wrapped around his leg. His trousers were tucked into his boots so she couldn’t access his skin, but as she could meld with his aura without actual skin contact she didn’t wish to disturb him further. Despite feeling that she really could be useful if there were casualties on Badagh, she wasn’t at all sure she should have come. She’d returned from the trip to the waterfall this morning feeling calm and in control. But then she’d had to relive her experiences of yesterday with Dr Heightmeyer, and then, at Kate’s behest, she’d actually met with Dr Quinten and had given him the opportunity to explain and apologise. It had gone as well as it could have done – he’d been calm and quiet and apologetic – and she’d understood how he'd come to act in the way he had. But it had still been very difficult and had left her feeling ruffled and uncomfortable again, longing for John’s arms about her to keep her safe.

But John was gone to another planet, off to fight the Genii. Adi’s fear for him had risen, even as word spread that there had been no contact, and then, a while later, that they’d been unable to establish a wormhole to the planet. So all in all, she wasn’t in the best emotional state to be having to confine herself inside a ship with a great many people around her, or to visit a battlefield. But she would not stand aside if, by coming, she may save a life or help someone to heal more quickly.

After a while she felt Evan shift slightly, and then she felt his hand on her head, drifting down to rest on her shoulder, touching the skin at her neck, and she leaned into the touch, sighing lightly at feeling him there. And so she settled into something of a meditative state, drawing comfort from Evan’s nearness, knowing she was safe because he was with her.

An hour later they dropped out of hyperspace. Evan was still bringing the ship into orbit around Badagh when Rodney started trying to raise their troops on the planet below.

“Colonel Sheppard, do you read? This is the Avenger. Sheppard? Or any Lantean?”

There was silence for a moment, and then, “This is Sergeant Stackhouse. We have wounded. There are no Genii on the planet so the threat level is currently low. Please bring the Avenger in to land in the clearing near the gate. Beware the rockfall on the ground.”

“Acknowledged, Sergeant,” Lorne responded and, thinking the ship down through the atmosphere, Evan honed in on the Lantean subcutaneous transponders that were clustered together near the gate. There weren’t many showing. Only about twenty or so. He broadened the search grid showing on the HUD and breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw several small groups of bleeps scattered around the gate, maybe five or six kilometres out. For a moment there, he’d thought they’d lost upwards of thirty people!

Five minutes later Evan powered the warship down. Through the forward viewing window the devastation around the gate was visible, and he felt a spike of fear run through him, wondering how many of their people had been under that cliff when it had collapsed onto the gate.

Within moments, he’d mustered the marines and the medical staff, the hatch was open and they were descending into the clearing.

Sergeant Stackhouse was waiting to greet him. “Colonel Sheppard survived, Sir, but he’s injured, along with several others.” He was leading the group of medics across to the row of wounded. Carson and his nurses scattered along the line, doing a rapid triage, Adi amongst them. Lorne took a moment to eyeball the Colonel, making sure he looked alive, before turning his back on the field medical clinic.

“What happened, Sergeant?”

“The Genii threw C4 through the gate. Took out the cliff.”

“What’s the toll?”

“Three dead. Four critically wounded. Another four with serious wounds, and one with just a few scratches and scrapes. Fortunately, the majority of troops were deployed further back when this occurred. There were only eight marines near the gate, with Colonel Sheppard. The C4 impacted the cliff, as you can see, and we had three more marines up on top there, along with Ronon.” They were crossing the clearing towards the gate. It was still standing, but the cliff behind it was badly damaged, a large chunk taken out of it, and the ground close by was thick with tumbled rock. There were marines standing in amongst the rock, weapons at the ready, facing the gate.

“We managed to clear enough of the rocks away to see that the DHD was destroyed. Not sure if the gate’s functional or not, but it’s got some damage low down on one side.”

“So the Genii’s entire attack was the C4?” Lorne asked, gazing around at the destruction. He was surprised any of the troops near the gate had survived the blast – how much C4 had the Genii sent through?

“Oh, no, Sir. They initially deployed a great many troops through the gate, with Commander Kolya.”

Evan listened attentively as Sergeant Stackhouse explained the action that had taken place on the planet, the clean-up and returning of the bodies to the Genii, and then the deployment of troops in the clearing and on the cliff top, as they'd prepared to dial Atlantis.

“Our people were retreating when the C4 exploded, Sir.” Stackhouse was coming to the end of his recitation. “The blast wave threw them some distance, and of course the rocks from the cliff were hurtling about as well. The marines up top were destabilised by the blast, and fell.

Lorne nodded. “Who did we lose, Sergeant?”

“Corporals Kaillen, Perez and Hagin. Perez was holding the gate open with his arm, and Kaillen was at the DHD. They were simply too close to reach a safe distance. Corporal Hagin was on the cliff and fell to her death. Corporal Pritchard fell as well and was badly injured, and Ronon fell part way down but managed to cling to an outcrop despite taking a nasty hit to the head – he was hauled back up.”

Evan nodded and sighed, his eyes closing briefly in acknowledgement of their losses. Then he opened them, back on track. “Where are the remaining personnel, Sergeant? I saw life signs scattered about, further out from the gate.”

“Yes, Sir. The Colonel had intended to send troops to each of the five villages, once we’d opened the gate to Atlantis. Obviously that didn’t happen, but with no way to dial out, we needed the intel a recce of the villages would provide. And we needed to know if we could safely move our people to shelter there. Each group’s reported back within the last fifteen minutes or so. The Badagh were completely unaware that the Genii had even been on the planet. They only use the gate themselves every few weeks, and they hadn’t noticed anything different. Most of the marines are returning to the clearing now. We were about to start moving our wounded to the main village when Dr McKay radioed.”

Lorne nodded and crossed through the debris to the DHD where Rodney and Zelenka were crouched. “McKay? What’s the verdict?”

Rodney stood. “It’s completely destroyed. The rock that fell here has smashed the central dome to smithereens and the crystals inside are shattered. The gate itself seems to have sustained a small amount of damage on the left side. But, as we know – or as I know, anyway – the gates themselves can survive nuclear blasts, so we can easily patch that. In fact, Zelenka’s about to do that now.” He eyeballed Radek who stood and nodded.

“Well, hang on,” Lorne said. “I’m not sure we want the gate functional right now. If it’s working, the Genii could just come straight back through.”

“Oh. Good point.” Rodney said. “Zelenka, what were you thinking? Let’s see what we’ve got on the Avenger that might let us repair this DHD instead.” He and Radek left, picking their way delicately across the debris field.

Evan turned away and crossed to where the triage of the injured was taking place. He noted the three bodies laid out to the side and, glancing at the Avenger, saw a marine emerging from the ship carrying body bags.

Carson was busy setting up an IV for one of the severely injured, and Lorne could see that the Corporal was in bad shape. There was damage showing everywhere on the crumpled body in front of him. Bloody hell!

“How is she, Doc?”

Carson shook his head. “She’s unconscious, with severe internal injuries, and more broken bones than I care to count. I need to get her back to Atlantis, Major. She needs surgery. There’s verra little I can do here beyond trying to stabilise her.”

Lorne nodded. “And the others?”

“Well, Corporal Grant’s the worst. Severe head injury. I’m not sure he’ll make it.”

Evan looked where Carson was pointing and saw Adi crouching beside the marine, her hands out over his head. She had two Corporals with her, their hands on her arms, making their aura energies available to her, and Evan could see the tension in her frame even from here. But there was nothing he could do. She’d offered to come, and she would do all she could, he knew that.

“How soon can we leave, Major?” Carson asked.

Evan sighed. “Give me a moment to consult with Stackhouse and Sheppard.” He turned and beckoned the Sergeant, then crossed to where the Colonel was lying face down on the ground, shirt off, having the various contusions on his back cleansed and bandaged. His arm was in a splint and his head was sporting a bandage as well.

Evan crouched down next to Sheppard. “Hello, Sir.”

“Glad you could drop by, Lorne,” John rasped.

“Well, it was my turn to rescue you, Sir. Sorry it took us so long to get here. But we’ve got some badly wounded personnel on the ground. We need to get them back to Atlantis. McKay says the DHD’s broken and so is the gate. The gate he can repair. But we don’t have a DHD aboard the Avenger, so we’ve got an hour and a half flight home. The Badagh were unaware the Genii had spiked their DHD, and I’m disinclined to repair the gate right now. There are four groups of marines converging on this area, returning from the smaller villages. My suggestion is that we leave the damage here as is, pause at the main village in the Avenger to collect our marines there and let the Badagh know the gate’s gone and we’ll be back soon to fix it, then hightail it for home and surgery.”

Stackhouse was nodding his agreement from where he’d crouched down next to Lorne, and John eyed them both for a second. He opened his mouth to respond, but ended up hissing sharply as the nurse bathed a nasty gash in his back with an antibacterial solution. After a moment, he said, “How tired are you, Major?”

“Um, well, a little tired, Sir. But actually, I think having Adi’s aura blended with mine may have helped a bit. I’m not as weary as I expected to be for the length of the flight.”

John’s eyebrows had risen slightly at the reference to Adi, but he let it pass. “Take us home, Lorne.”

Within ten minutes, the marines had returned from the outlying villages and the wounded had been brought aboard the Avenger.

Lorne looked around the bridge, noticing Adi wasn’t sitting by the captain’s chair. He wondered where she was, but a quick radio call to Carson confirmed that she was busy in the tiny infirmary. Content that she was safely aboard, Evan brought the engines online and flew the seven kilometres to the main village of the Badagh. He landed and sent Sergeant Stackhouse and three marines to deliver the message about the gate, advise the Badagh that they wouldn’t have to house the Lantean injured, and collect the marines that had been sent on foot to the village.

Then, with everyone present and accounted for - including the three body bags - he took the Avenger up through the atmosphere and set course for Atlantis.

Adi was in the Avenger’s infirmary, and she’d finally made her way to John’s side. She’d left him until last, knowing instinctively that he’d want his men looked after before himself. His eyes were closed and he looked like he was sleeping, albeit sleeping with wounds all over, his head bandage showing more blood spotting through.

That bandage had been nearly crimson, instead of white, when she’d first seen him on the planet. But she’d turned away to others, to those who were lying, not sitting, assuming they were in worse state. And she’d been right. The injuries to those who’d been closest to the blast were truly appalling.

As she’d crouched down beside Corporal Grant, two marines had approached her, ones she’d barely recognised, and offered to help, saying they both had blue-green auras. They’d introduced themselves - Corporals De Sousa and Hendrix. Adi had fought against her initial reaction to the suggestion from these unknown men that they should touch her body. But she needed energy to help these Lanteans, and with John, Ronon and even Corporal Smithers lying injured, and Radek and Evan busy with other duties, there was no-one that she knew here, to help her. She’d nodded at them, but found herself flinching as their hands came close.

The Corporal’s auras weren’t the problem – both a lovely rich blue-green, their energies had been perfectly compatible with her own and there was enough contact from the two of them to supply what she’d needed. The problem was that half her attention had been on them rather than on the desperately injured man in front of her – because they’d kept moving, shifting, shuffling, taking a deeper breath, coughing, sighing… and every time one or other them had twitched, so had she.

Corporal Hendrix had picked up on Adi’s agitation. It was hard to miss, sitting on the ground right beside her as he had been. Eventually he’d leaned over a little and spoken softly. “Ma’am, I realise this is scary for you. We were in the mess this morning, we understand. But we’re not going to hurt you. We’re not going to move our hands, we’re only touching where you said we could. Please, you can relax. We’re not a threat to you. We want to help our injured personnel just as much as you do. And the Corporal needs your concentration. So please… you’re safe with us. Just relax.”

And Adi had turned her head slightly to smile at him in gratitude for his understanding, and felt the tension falling from her diminutive frame. The aura energies settled about her, clean and tranquil, as she stopped fighting her own fears, and the flow smoothed out.

She’d expended as much energy as she could to patch the damage to Corporal Grant’s brain. His skull had been crushed at the back and had a very nasty indented section. She’d seen Carson’s initial expression, quickly suppressed. So she’d done what she could to help stabilise the situation, knowing that Carson couldn’t perform brain surgery in an open field, and well aware that all their efforts may be in vain.

She’d worked on Grant’s aura afterwards, and had then gone from him to Corporal Jansi, with all the broken bones, her liver bleeding, one of her kidneys crushed, her heart damaged, and then on again to Corporal Pritchard, who was the next most severely wounded, and then to Matthew. When the call had come to board the ship, she’d followed the litters of injured into the infirmary, and continued to pass from marine to marine and to Ronon, repairing their auras as she went, patching physical wounds if needed, her two Corporals faithfully at her side.

Taking a deep breath, Adi settled now next to John, and held her hands out over his aura, starting to repair the damage she could see.

John’s eyes flickered open and he saw Adi’s face, the tension around her eyes, in her body, the two hands touching her arms. “Let her go,” he rasped, and De Sousa and Hendrix immediately dropped their hands and stepped away.

Adi shook her head. “Colonel. I am all right. Please. These Corporals are assisting me to heal the auras of the injured. You are in need too. Please, let me help.” She reached her hand out towards his body, but John caught it in his own. “No. Don’t heal me. Not if it means you need random guys to touch you. Not today.” His voice was soft, rasping with pain, but filled with compassion.

Adi let out a half-strangled sob, and dropped her head down onto the edge of the bed. John knew. John understood. He could see how hard this was for her.

John glanced up at the marines. They were standing back from the bed, their bodies half-turned, their gazes averted. He wanted to comfort Adi, but his body hurt all over and there were people all around. He squeezed her hand, then let go, his hand flopping back down onto the bed.

Adi lifted her head. “I am going to heal your aura, John,” she whispered. “But if you do not wish me to use energy from others, then I shall use my own.” And before he could stop her, her hands were back in place and her eyes were closed. It took a little while, as there were so many points of impact, and she slumped back when she was finished. “There. It is done.” She smiled at him, but it didn’t come out quite right. She’d been too worried about him – about them all – added to which, the traumas of the day before were still sparking across her body, leaving her on edge, and she was drained from patching Grant’s head wound, and Jansi’s internal wounds, and from healing so many others, many with incompatible aura colours. Even with the extra energy from her helpful Corporals, she still needed to use some of her own energy to transfer and convert that energy, to affect healing, and nothing the Corporals did could protect her from the itchy, scratchy, nauseating feelings of touching incompatible auras. She wanted nothing more than to crawl up onto John’s bed and curl up with him. But she couldn’t. He would hate to be so exposed.

She stood. “Rest now, Colonel. We shall be back in Atlantis soon enough.” And she walked out of the infirmary, the two Corporals following her. She stopped, out in the hallway, and gazed at them. “Thank you for your support… and for your understanding. I have finished for now.” She nodded at them and turned away, making her way to the bridge.

With John unavailable to her, Ronon with a concussion and needing to be stitched up, and Matthew all broken and bloodied, she wanted Evan. She wanted him even if he was busy flying a spaceship with his mind. She slipped onto the bridge and sat down on the dais next to Evan’s chair. Then she reached out her arms and wrapped them both around his shin, leaning against him. She felt Evan’s hand descend, stroking her hair for a moment before coming to rest on the nape of her neck, his fingers warm against her skin. She felt his strong, healthy, aura wash over her, the energies settling, meshing, equalising, and she sighed. Her eyes closed and she let her mind drift. She was safe.

Chapter Text

The moment the Avenger landed, the injured were rushed to the infirmary and into surgery, one after another after another. Adi sat with Corporal Grant, giving him the benefit of her calming aura despite his own aura being yellow-orange, while Carson operated first on Corporal Jansi and then on Corporal Pritchard and Corporal Smithers. They’d all been critically injured, Jansi actually going into cardiac arrest on the Avenger. Of course, Grant was critical too, but Carson, with an expressionless face, had prioritised the wounded in order of those he felt had the best chance of survival, and Grant’s prognosis was very grim, the Ancient scanner showing the full extent of the damage. Adi was by his side two hours later as he took his last breath and slipped away, the injury to his brain just too much to survive.

At that point, Corporal Smithers was still in surgery, Ronon was under observation for his head wound, and John had been sedated awaiting surgery for internal bleeding and his broken arm. There were three more Corporals injured as well. They’d apparently been on John’s side of the gate and so had been that little bit further from the blast and rock fall than their less fortunate brothers in arms.

Adi curled up in a chair at the side of the infirmary and watched the activity going on about her. Teyla was by Ronon’s bed, keeping him occupied. And Dr Weir appeared at some point, spending a little time with each of the wounded personnel, thanking those who were conscious for their actions, leaving each one with some words to hold onto in the darkness that would come as they processed their losses. She’d paused for the longest time by John’s bed, holding his hand in hers and just staring at him. Then she’d leaned forward and kissed his forehead. Adi wasn’t sure if she was supposed to have seen that.

Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, Major Lorne appeared in front of her. “Adi, you need to get some sleep.” He leaned forward and helped her to her feet, then, as she swayed, he pulled her close in against his body and held her, right there in the infirmary, giving her the benefit of his strength, his compassion, his understanding and his aura. It didn’t occur to her that she was giving him the same things, helping him to get through this nightmare where his people had been grievously injured, and John had once again come close to death.

It was several minutes before Adi pulled back from the embrace. She looked up at Evan, her eyes red-rimmed with weariness and sorrow. “Carson won’t let me take them to the waterfall. He said no. He said that the Colonel will eventually heal and he doesn’t want to be force-healing his body every time, that we don’t know the long term effects of speed-healing. And he said Ronon needs to be here because of his head wound, and Matthew can’t be without oxygen or we’ll lose him.” It all came out in a flood of worrying and distress.

Evan leaned his head forward, resting it against Adi’s forehead. “I think Carson’s also worried about you, Adi. You need to sleep. You’ve had too much to handle in the last thirty hours. Come on. I’ll walk you to your quarters.” Because even though Evan himself was dog tired, he wasn’t going to leave Adi to walk alone through the city, not now, not so soon after the incident with Dr Quinten, not after expending so much of herself to help the wounded, ignoring their auras sparking off her own with their mismatched colours, not while she was so worried about John and Ronon and Matthew. She needed to rest, and he would make sure she did.

He’d left her there, in the doorway of her room, knowing she’d be safe in there, and had made his way back to the infirmary, needing an update on his people. All his people, but one in particular. Adi had said John would recover, and Evan was clinging to that.

He’d done everything that had had to be done in the aftermath of the action. He’d locked the Avenger down, seen to the troops that hadn’t been injured, and had made sure Dr Heightmeyer was providing counselling support for those that had been close to Corporals Kaillen, Perez and Hagin, and also for those that hadn’t known them so well, but had had to retrieve their bodies from the rubble. He’d debriefed Dr Weir and written up an after-action report, while everything was fresh in his mind. Then he’d met with Sergeant Stackhouse and let him debrief fully. They’d discussed the Genii tactics and what further threat they might pose to the Badagh. With Dr McKay’s input, they’d worked out a plan for the gate and the DHD. And then Evan had taken a very long, very hot shower, trying to wash his stress away down the drain. But he’d been so worried about John. It hadn’t stopped him doing what needed to be done, but that worry had been there, simmering beneath every action he’d taken today. And Adi… she’d been so brave… Evan had stood in the shower wondering where she was now. Was she okay? She’d shouldered a huge burden for someone of so slight a frame.

He’d turned off the shower, dressed again, and gone to the infirmary, expecting to find her there. He hadn’t expected to see her just curled in a chair by herself though, watching over the whole infirmary. He’d really thought she’d be sitting with the Colonel, holding his hand – he wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d been snuggled in his bed. But then he’d seen her there, and realised that the Colonel would never want to have his connection to Adi shown in public like that. Her position in the chair out of the way had made sense to him then, and he’d offered her the hug that she would have wanted to have from John; holding her on his CO's behalf, because his CO was lying in a bed, wounded and recovering from surgery.

Re-entering the infirmary now, Evan spotted Carson at Ronon’s bedside and quietly approached. Carson lifted his head, eyes reflecting his weariness. “Ah, Major. Let me give you a quick rundown. You’ll have heard we lost Corporal Grant?” Evan nodded. “We have three on the critical list – Corporal Jansi is stable at present, but we’ve had to re-start her heart twice. We’re keeping a close watch. And with that many broken bones, we’ll need to return her to Earth for rehab. Corporal Pritchard has almost as much damage as Corporal Jansi, although his heart’s fine. Corporal Smithers is also critical, but I’m hopeful that he’ll be downgraded to serious within the next hour or two, if his blood pressure will hold steady. If he improves, then he should make a full recovery. The three Corporals who were together on the other side of the gate all have similar injuries – a few broken bones, trauma from rock falls, percussion damage from the blast. We’ve operated on them all and they’ll all recover. Ronon’s conscious, but concussed, with broken ribs and other injuries, but he’ll recover just fine. And the Colonel actually has the least amount of damage from those who were in the clearing itself – I understand he was the furthest away from the blast. He’s only been out of surgery for maybe thirty minutes now, so I’ll know more when he wakes. But he was coherent and lucid on the planet. His head wound, although it bled profusely, was actually more a flesh wound than anything more serious. And he’s broken just the one bone in his arm, his ulna. Some damage internally to his kidneys and lacerations all over from the rocks striking him. But he’ll be fine as well. Give him a couple of days and you can pester him to do your paperwork for you.” Carson smiled briefly.

Evan nodded. “Thanks, Doc. You need to get some sleep, Carson. Can’t Dr Biro or Dr Cole take over for you?”

“Aye, Dr Biro’s already pestering me to get some shut-eye. I’m just waiting for the Colonel to come out of the anaesthetic enough that I can check him over. I willna rest well until I know how he is.”

Evan nodded. He totally understood that. He wouldn’t have been able to rest himself without an update. “Okay. I’m going to get some sleep myself. I’ll be back in the morning.”

Carson nodded and bade him goodnight, and Evan made his bleary way to his quarters, curled up under Adi’s soft, silky blanket, and set all his worries aside for tomorrow.

He slept.

Rodney slid into the infirmary in the dark hours, softly coming up to Ronon’s bedside. Teyla was asleep in the chair to the side, her head resting on the bed beside Ronon’s hand. He’d had a lot of lacerations and a couple of broken ribs, along with the head wound, but all of that would heal and Rodney was embarrassed to say that he’d actually felt tears prickling when Teyla had radioed him the news that Ronon was out of danger – the concussion was resolving and shouldn’t cause any problems.

He reached out and squeezed Ronon’s shoulder, then turned and crossed to John’s bedside. He was alone, no-one keeping vigil, and Rodney felt guilty for a moment. But he’d been busy working on an idea with Radek, and it had needed to be done. He pulled up a chair and set it beside John, reaching out his hand to touch. John felt cool and Rodney’s worry spiked a little. He fetched another blanket and laid it over the top of the bed, making sure John’s arm was well covered. Then he sat back down, slid his hand underneath the covering and took John’s hand in his own.

The thing was, he missed John. He missed their easy friendship and all the time they used to spend together. Rodney knew this was his own fault. He’d become so involved in his relationship with Susie that he’d let himself exchange the time he used to spend with John, racing cars or playing computer games or watching movies, for time spent with Susie, eating dinner, or walking in the moonlight, or making out – or more – in either of their quarters. But it wasn’t right to ditch a friendship for sex, and Rodney resolved to do better. John had never said anything, never by look or gesture made him feel like he was leaving him behind. But Rodney knew John had very few close friends here. Although he might look as if he was on great terms with everyone, he was actually a very private man. And he’d let Rodney close, let him in through his barriers, offered him friendship. And that was a big thing, coming from John Sheppard.

After a while, Rodney’s mind started to spark in its usual way, bringing up idea after idea, physics, the universe, the Wraith, the Genii… and he opened his laptop, leaning it on the side of the bed, and sat, reading and typing and running simulations, letting his intellect guide him towards solutions for all their problems.

And so the night hours passed, and morning came. It was Teyla who interrupted his thought processes. A soft hand on his shoulder, a gentle voice beside his ear. “Come,” she said. “You must eat, Rodney. We will have breakfast together, and then return to sit with our friends.” And Rodney nodded, glancing at John who was still breathing deeply and evenly beside him, and closed up his laptop, following Teyla out of the infirmary.

Evan walked into the infirmary at 0800hrs, his eyes immediately going to Colonel Sheppard’s bed. His momentum faltered for a moment as he realised the Colonel was looking back at him, and then, a smile fighting its way onto his face despite his best efforts to keep it away, he crossed to John’s side. “Colonel, you’re awake.”

“Yeah,” John rasped. “Not sure I want to be yet, though.” He shifted uncomfortably, a flicker of pain crossing his face and instantly concealed. “What’s been happening?”

Evan sat in the visitor’s chair Rodney had used through the night and brought John up-to-date.

John listened closely, but when Evan wound down without mentioning Adi at all, John felt himself tensing with the need to ask. But tensing was painful, so he groaned, then quashed the groan halfway through, which made him stiffen, which hurt, and a small, half-moan escaped. Evan was eyeing him with concern, and John huffed out a breath, a mixture of both pain and embarrassment. Reflecting that Evan probably knew a whole lot more than he was letting on, John mentally girded his loins. “Is Adi okay? I thought she’d have sprung me by now, healed me in the waterfall.”

Evan laughed softly. “She’s pretty upset with Carson because he won’t let her. Said since you’re not on the critical list, he’d rather you recovered at the normal pace.”

John let a frown suffuse his face. He hated lying in a bed, hurting, and trying not to show it. If Adi could just heal him… “I wouldn’t. If she’s available now, so am I.” He was still angling to find out where she was, how she was. The last he’d seen of her was on the Avenger, body tense, expression distressed, as she’d healed his aura with her own energies, not giving in, simply because he hadn’t wanted the marines touching her.

“I haven’t seen her this morning,” Evan said. “She was in here late last night… or, really, it was early this morning, I guess. I accompanied her back to her quarters, made sure she was safe and would get some sleep.” He leaned forward a little and spoke softly. “She’s okay, Sir. Or enough okay. It was her idea to come yesterday, and she was a bit stressed by… well, everything. But she’s thinking, she’s in the now. Not in shock or anything.”

“She didn’t know those two marines who were touching her.”

“No. They’re new, so she’s only seen them long enough to read their auras. We need to do something there, Sir. I was thinking that over breakfast. We need to make sure she really meets and gets to know all the blue-greens in the city, so it’s not so freaky for her when something like yesterday happens. I’ll work something out.”

John nodded against his pillow. It felt weirdly intimate to be curled up on his side under the blankets – more blankets than he needed really, chatting to Lorne, who was leaning right into his space. He kinda liked it, but quickly pushed that thought aside. Logistics, after-action reports, threat assessments… this is what he should be considering. “I’d like you to wait until I’m healed before flying around the galaxy, harvesting a new DHD and possibly a new gate for the Badagh. Ideally, you and I should both be available for that, just in case.”

“Yes, Sir,” Evan responded. “We can delay a few days at least. The Badagh only use their gate every so often, and they said they won’t need it until… well, Dr McKay calculated they meant about eight days. So we’ve got time. But with the flying… Adi sat with me on the dais on the way there, blending auras, and, as I said to you on Badagh, I wasn’t as mentally tired as I’d expected to be. On the way back she was in the infirmary for the first part of the journey, and I was getting tired, but then she came back and sat with me, and, well… the tiredness sort of backed off, Sir. And when we arrived back here, I was a bit weary, but nowhere near what I think I should’ve been, given the flight time, and all the landing and taking off.”

“You think blending auras helps?” John thought about that for a moment, and then realised it was actually quite possible that Adi’s aura was somehow… buffering the weariness. He suggested that to Lorne and he nodded.

“Yeah. I think. We’d have to test it. But, maybe. And maybe it would help the other pilots – Carson and Rodney… oh. No. Because they’re the wrong colour.” He frowned.

“‘Whole new dimension to planning’, I think was how you put it, a while back.”

Evan laughed. “Yeah. I was just getting used to planning around who’s ATA and who’s not. And now we need to add aura colours into the mix.” He stood. “I have a meeting to get to, Sir. I’ll let you know what we decide.” He pushed the chair aside, ready to leave and John spoke.

“Hey, try and get Carson to agree to let Adi heal me. I need to be up and about. The Genii aren’t just going to let us be.”

Evan nodded. “I’ll do my best, Sir. I’ll feel happier when you’re up and about, too.” He paused, his ears turning pink, as he hurried on, “then you can carry the weight of Atlantis on your shoulders instead.” He disappeared with alacrity, and John settled his head a little more comfortably on the pillows, reflecting on that comment, that blush. Every now and again, Evan did something, or said something, that suggested that maybe John wasn’t just a CO to be tolerated. He smiled softly to himself. No doubt that was entirely his own imagination, his own desires shading his perception. But it was a nice fantasy. His eyes closed, and he let himself go.

Evan was the last to arrive in the conference room, and he slid quietly into his seat as Elizabeth nodded and opened the meeting.

“Let’s bring everyone up to speed and then decide what’s to be done next. Carson, can you please begin.”

“Aye, well. You’ll all know that we lost Corporal Grant last night. The brain damage was just too severe. He never really had a chance, poor lad. Both Corporal Jansi and Corporal Pritchard are still critical and I’d like for them to be returned to Earth. They sustained significant damage and I canna manage them here. We’ve got the ZPM power to spare now, and I’d like them both to be sent back within the next day or so, if possible. Along with all the broken bones and internal damage, Corporal Jansi’s heart isn’t coping well, and I’d rather she was in a specialist unit in an Earth hospital. And Corporal Pritchard has sustained a terrible number of injuries from his fall. We just dinna have the staff or the range of specialist skills needed to help them, here.”

Elizabeth nodded, her expression sombre. “What of Corporal Smithers? He was also critically injured.”

“Aye, but he’s pulling through. His condition moved to ‘serious but stable’ in the night. He’s a strong fighter, and I think he’ll recover in full, in time. However, at the moment, with so many others injured as well, I think we should move him back to Earth for his recovery too.”

Evan leaned forward. “Carson, I know Smithers. He’s one hundred percent committed to Atlantis, and I don’t think he’d want to be sent back to Earth and risk the chance of not being deployed here again. Can’t we give Adi the chance to heal him? He’s got a blue-green aura. We could take him to the waterfall and see what she can do.”

“I wouldn’t recommend that for Adi at this time,” Dr Heightmeyer said. She glanced around the table, but everyone here had been apprised of the incident with Dr Quinten. “I spoke to her yesterday and she was still quite rattled from her experience the day before, and after meeting with Dr Quinten she was quite distressed. And from there, she boarded a spaceship and flew to the scene of a battle, rendering aid to a whole lot of people whose aura colours didn’t match. I understand that to heal someone in the waterfall, she needs the water to strike her skin so she can access the energy that’s released, and she needs to delve her mind inside the person’s actual body in order to effect physical healing. I don’t believe that she’s in a mentally strong enough place at present to do it.”

“Then let her heal Colonel Sheppard first, and he can help with Smithers. Adi trusts the Colonel, and his aura’s very compatible with hers. If he were with her, in the waterfall, holding Smithers, then I think Adi could probably manage it, despite where she is right now with her emotional wellbeing.”

Kate looked very undecided, and glancing around the room, Evan could see Carson’s expression was uncertain and Dr Weir was beginning to shake her head.

He spoke quickly, before anyone could say no. “Look, even in the middle of all that emotional turmoil yesterday, she chose to come to Badagh, and she chose to help everyone who was injured. And when I found her in the infirmary in the early hours of this morning, she was upset because Carson wouldn’t let her heal the Colonel, Ronon or Smithers in the waterfall. So she’s already thought of this, and she wanted to do it. Or at least to try. Do we have the right to stop her, just because we think she can’t handle it?”

Teyla leaned gently forward. “I believe Adi would wish to do this, regardless of the cost to herself. I agree with Major Lorne. Adi is very good friends with Corporal Smithers. She will not wish to see him sent away from Atlantis, without even being given the opportunity to try healing here. He has a compatible aura. I believe we should give her the chance.”

“Well then… maybe in a few days,” Carson said, “when Corporal Smithers is a mite stronger, off the oxygen, able to be safely moved. But I willna let her try to heal Corporals Jansi or Pritchard.” He looked around the room, his expression quite fierce.

“She won’t want to, Doc,” Evan said. “Jansi’s got a purple aura, and Pritchard’s is red and orange. Emergency stuff, small, quick, yeah. But she couldn’t stay inside their auras long enough to effect all the healing you’ve said is needed.”

“All right then. I’ll authorise Adi to try and heal Corporal Smithers. Maybe three or four days from now, depending how he goes.”

“And Colonel Sheppard?” Evan pushed the point.

Carson sighed. “The Colonel will heal without intervention. We dinna know what the long-term effect may be of all this unnatural healing. I dinna wish to put anyone at risk. What if the healing Adi does suddenly fails in a month or a year or a decade? Even she has no idea how it works, what it is that she’s doing. I’m not keen to overuse this, and certainly not to expose one individual to multiple speed-healing sessions.”

Stackhouse had been sitting silently while the discussion had been going on, but now he spoke. “I think we should give the Colonel the choice. He’s not one for being cooped up. And after that first lot of healing Adi did in the waterfall, there’s been no negative effects for him. Have there?”

“No,” Carson said reluctantly. “There’ve not.”

“And you’ve done multiple physicals on the Colonel since then. If there’d been a problem, surely it would have shown by now? I think we give him the chance. Atlantis is stronger with Colonel Sheppard up and about.” He suddenly turned to Lorne, his face flushing. “No insult intended, Sir!”

Lorne laughed. “I said the same thing to him myself this morning, Sergeant. We all feel safer with Colonel Sheppard at his post.”

“Aye, well, that’s true. I’d still prefer not. But… I suppose… if the speed-healing is going to cause a problem, it’s already an issue for the Colonel, because Adi’s healed him of a nick to an artery. If the repair work she’s done with her mind fails, he’s already at severe risk. I dinna suppose we can make it much worse by letting her heal his current wounds.”

“So it’s decided,” Elizabeth said. “Adi will try to heal the Colonel in the waterfall today, and then Corporal Smithers several days from now, with the Colonel’s support.”

Carson nodded. “Now, to the others…” He gave an update on Ronon and the three Corporals, saying they’d all regained consciousness, were lucid and resting, and all their physical wounds would heal with time.

Elizabeth then invited Dr Heightmeyer to give her report on the mental wellbeing of the expedition, and Kate advised that she’d counselled several people over the deaths of the three marines, and several others over the aftermath of the attack.

Then it was Rodney’s turn. “Right, well. Firstly, and off topic, the Pethri-program for Capeliga is ready and waiting to be implemented. I believe it was to be sent with the marine rotation this afternoon, but I thought that we’d agreed Adi would go with it, to help the first lot of marines through the recording process. Is she going to be up for that? Once she’s been through the waterfall healing experience? Because I need to send Miko along as well to cover any using-the-app questions the marines may have.”

“I think the Pethri are not as high a priority as the healing of our people,” Elizabeth said. “The marine rotation can go ahead without Pethri counting for now. Perhaps Adi will be available tomorrow or the next day.”

“Right.” Rodney tapped his radio. “Miko. The mission’s off. Can you please get onto the desalination plant for today, try and fix that… yes, that.” He turned his attention back to the meeting. “Zelenka’s identified a planet that we can get a DHD from, and a new gate. May as well take both and install them on Badagh as a boxed-set. Save us having to repair the gate that’s there.”

“The Colonel wants us to wait until he’s back on full duty to do that,” Evan said.

“Of course he does,” Rodney said, rolling his eyes. “Doesn’t want to miss the chance to fly his ‘cool’ spaceship. Well, if Adi heals him today, we can do it tomorrow or even next week. We’ve got eight days until the Badagh wanted the gate functional. But… I’ve been working on something else overnight. Radek and I had an idea. Obviously, the Genii have these ATA devices all over the place, and all of our teams contain ATA positive people. I propose we have an ATA-negative team whose sole job is to do reconnaissance on every planet before our ATA people step through the gate. If there is a device, Zelenka and I are working on a way to tamper with it, to get it to read a false-negative so it won’t detect our people and won’t alert the Genii, but if they send a test ping, it’ll still show as working correctly.”

“You can do that?” Elizabeth asked, incredulous.

“Yes, absolutely. Well, probably. Eighty percent.”

“More like forty percent,” Radek interpolated.

“Oh! Don’t listen to Mr Glass-is-Half-Empty!” Rodney huffed, throwing his hands in the air, then reluctantly continued. “Maybe sixty percent then.”

Radek made a grumbly noise low in his throat, as he glared in Rodney’s direction.

“Fine! Fifty-fifty. We can at least try. We’re halfway there already. If the device is still on that first planet the Genii ambushed us on…” he clicked his fingers, “P2X-624, then we can test it on that one. I’m confident we can get it to work.”

“How long do you need, Doc?” Evan asked.

“Oh, by the end of today.” He suddenly jerked as if someone had kicked him. “Fine, give us a few days, or… okay, a week. We need a week.”

Elizabeth smiled. “Excellent. I look forward to seeing what you come up with.”

The meeting broke up at that point, and the Senior Staff scattered back to their various duties.

Chapter Text

Evan decided Stackhouse should be the pilot for the trip to the waterfall. He desperately wanted to go himself – he wanted to see John healed, know he was safe. And, well… as awful as it sounded in his own mind, he wanted to see Adi as she was in the waterfall… completely without limits or boundaries, dancing and exhilarated with the pressure of the water pounding against her naked skin.

But with those thoughts, he realised he was way too emotionally close to this… to them both. He needed to step back, distance himself, try and re-erect some of his walls. These two precious people were off limits to him. And if he didn’t pull his head back in, get himself facing in the right direction, the wheels were going to fall off his nonchalance, and then the Colonel would realise what Evan’s feelings were and that would be that. Even if he only realised Evan’s feelings for Adi, that could still be that. Adi’s culture might accept multiple partners without any restrictions, but American culture really didn’t. And the Colonel was American through and through. It would make things between them difficult, at the very least.

He tapped his radio. “Sergeant Stackhouse?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Colonel Sheppard will be being transferred to the waterfall with Adi and Dr Beckett sometime today. I’d like you to fly the mission, help carry the stretcher.”

“Yes, Sir. Will do.”

That done, Evan turned his attention back to his computer. Now, which marines did he need to brief for the rotation to Capeliga? He brought his wandering mind into order and got on with his duties.

Two hours later, Dr Weir appeared in his office. “Major?”

Evan sat up a bit straighter. “Dr Weir. Come in. How can I help?”

Elizabeth smiled and sat in the visitor’s chair. “I’ve never seen Adi heal anyone, and I think it’s about time I understood this process. I’d like to join the mission to the waterfall. They’re prepping the Colonel now for the journey. Do you have any objection to me leaving Atlantis this afternoon, going with them?”

Evan shook his head. “Not at all. But, you do realise that they’ll both be naked?”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “Oh. Um, no. I hadn’t… um…”

“Yeah, well, Adi needs the water pounding into her skin to, um, access the natural energy, or whatever, that she converts to healing energy. And so she’s always naked. The Colonel and I have worn boxers in. I don’t believe the Colonel’s been injured, um, beneath his boxers, but she’ll need access to all his wounds to heal them. So if any of the rocks struck him… well, you know,” he blushed lightly, and Elizabeth took pity on his embarrassment.

“Yes, I see. Well, then. That actually makes a little more sense of why the Colonel has been so determined that only certain specific people accompany Adi to the waterfall.”

Evan nodded. “Yep. It’s not something we want just any of the marines doing, seeing…”

“Hmm. Still, I’d like to see the process, to understand what it is she does. I’ll keep my gaze averted from the – well, from…” It was Elizabeth’s turn to blush.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Evan said hurriedly. “You can wait for them in the Jumper Bay.”

Elizabeth nodded, and made her way out of the office, and Evan leaned back and closed his eyes. Well. That conversation certainly hadn’t helped his new determination to stop thinking lewd thoughts about Colonel Sheppard and Adi. Bloody hell!

John stood in the waterfall with his arms around Adi, holding her close to him. They’d been in the water for well over an hour as she’d moved her hand around his body, slowly healing laceration after laceration, fixing his broken arm and repairing the damage to his kidneys. It'd taken much longer than he’d expected, but then again, he had been injured all over. Last time Adi had healed him he’d only had the one wound in his abdomen where the Genii bullet had snicked a blood vessel.

He thought she was finished now but she seemed content to just lean against him, her head tilted forward against his chest, her arms nestling against the fronts of his shoulders. The water was pounding into them both and he was feeling cold everywhere but where Adi was. But even so, he wasn’t willing to let go. She’d gone through so much in the last couple of days and he just wanted to keep her safe.

Eventually though, he felt Adi draw a deep breath and then her hands flattened against his shoulders and she pushed back from his body. As always, the force of the water prevented her from being able to look up at him, so he wasn’t sure what she was thinking. But she took a half-step back and held her arms out to her sides, letting all of her skin receive the benefits from the water striking it. Then she began to dance, swaying and moving, and John knew that if he bent down he’d see a smile on her face as the energy flowed through her, filling her up again, making her feel whole and complete, at full power. It was a very elemental thing, standing in the waterfall. John could feel his own body thrumming with energy too.

He was watching Adi closely, so when he saw her arm moving towards him he reached out and grasped her hand, and she gestured with her other hand for him to lead the way out. Carson was waiting with towels and clothes for them both, Elizabeth standing to the side, her gaze averted, her cheeks flushed.

John wasn’t sure how he felt about Elizabeth watching them. She’d boarded the jumper unexpectedly, saying she wanted to see how Adi healed people in the waterfall, and since Adi hadn’t objected to the thought of Elizabeth seeing her naked, he himself hadn’t felt able to say no. But it'd still been really uncomfortable knowing that Elizabeth was seeing him in just his boxers, with Adi’s naked body leaning against him, skin touching all over.

He finished dressing and turned to see that Adi was done too. She was smiling that smile that lit her whole face, dimples in evidence and eyes sparkling with joy. He wanted to hug her in that moment, pull her to him, swing her around in a circle, tighten his grasp until their bodies were flush against each other. But they weren’t alone. So instead he grinned back at her, hoping she could see what he was feeling.

The walk down to the jumper was completed in silence, Carson leading the way with Adi bringing up the rear. Elizabeth had gestured them all ahead, but Adi had shaken her head, and John knew that she hadn’t wanted Elizabeth to be behind her, against her unguarded back. Even now, Adi was still distrustful of Elizabeth and John felt that was fair given their history.

As they approached the jumper, John saw Stackhouse getting up from the rock he’d been resting against. He opened the ramp and they all filed aboard. The ramp closed up and the noise of the falls fell away to nothing.

“You’re looking well, Sir,” Stackhouse said, smiling broadly, happy to see his CO restored to good health. “Would you like to do the honours?” He gestured to the pilot’s seat.

“No, he would not,” Carson said sharply. “Not until I’ve had him under the scanner and checked over everything Adi’s done.”

Stackhouse nodded, still smiling and took his seat.

Carson was sitting beside John, taking his pulse and checking his temperature, while Adi went to sit with Stackhouse, striking up a conversation.

Elizabeth was watching John, her eyes roaming across his body as if trying to see the lack of wounds hidden by his clothes.

“I am all healed, Elizabeth,” John said, and Elizabeth flushed and lifted her eyes to meet his own.

“I’m having difficulty believing it, Colonel, even though I watched it happen,” she said.

John laughed, a happy sound. “Oh, it’s real. I feel great!”

“I didn’t think it would take so long,” Elizabeth remarked. She’d stood uncertainly in the clearing by the waterfall, watching as Adi had simply shed her clothes with no sense of embarrassment and taken John’s hand as if she hadn’t even noticed he was naked apart from boxers. She’d led him in under the water, and Elizabeth had watched as Adi’s hands had moved over John’s body, and slowly but surely the wounds had started to disappear. She wasn’t sure why Adi had stood still with John for so long at the end, but when she’d started dancing Elizabeth had finally looked away, feeling that she was a voyeur to something deeply personal. She turned her head now to Adi, seeing her deep in conversation with Stackhouse.

“Adi?” she called, and Adi stopped mid-sentence and turned to her. “Could you explain a little to me about what you did?”

Adi stood and came into the back of the jumper. “Of course. I converted the energy from the waterfall into healing energy, and then used that to heal the Colonel’s wounds.”

“Was it difficult to do?”

Adi nodded. “Oh, yes. Healing physical wounds is always difficult. And the Colonel had a great many injuries. I have never repaired a broken bone before. I am interested to learn if it worked.”

John lifted his arm, squeezing his hand into a fist and releasing it. “Feels great, Adi. I think you’ve fixed it just fine.”

“Stop that,” Carson said sharply. “Please wait until I’ve scanned you, Colonel, and we know it’s definitely healed before you put it under pressure like that.”

John just grinned, unrepentant. But he did lay his arm back down.

Adi smiled at him, enjoying his pleasure in his healed body. “The kidney damage was also difficult as I have never looked inside kidneys before and there were many tiny injuries to repair. It was very draining.”

Elizabeth’s brow furrowed. “Why was it draining? I thought the waterfall provided all the energy?”

“Yes, but I must convert it to healing energy myself and that is very draining. This is why I rested for so long after I had finished with Colonel Sheppard’s wounds. I was letting the energy of the waterfall replenish my aura. It is also very uncomfortable for me to be inside someone’s body in this way. I am still not used to it, and it is much more… it is hard to explain. I do not need to go very deep to simply repair an aura. But even with Colonel Sheppard, whose aura is very compatible with my own, it is still most uncomfortable to effect physical healing. I could not possibly help someone in this way whose aura was other than blue-green. I would surely vomit, or rip my own skin to shreds trying to get rid of the itchy-scratchy sensations all over me.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “Ah, I see. I didn’t realise it was so unpleasant for you to do.”

Adi nodded. “Yes. It is not easy for me at all. But it is worthwhile.” She smiled again at John, and he grinned at her, looking ten years younger.

“Well, thank you for putting yourself out to heal my people,” Elizabeth said, and Adi gazed at her for a moment, her brow creasing slightly in consternation.

“Of course. I am happy to help,” she said, then turned and walked back to the front of the jumper, standing behind Stackhouse, her hand coming to rest against the bare skin at his neck.

Elizabeth suddenly felt that she’d said something wrong. She turned to John, a look of confusion on her face and he sighed lightly. “She didn’t do it for you, Elizabeth, she did it because people were injured and she could help. So she helped.”

Elizabeth nodded slowly. As much as she was trying to understand Adi better, it seemed there were still some fairly big blank areas in that understanding. But that was something to think about later because right now the jumper was approaching Atlantis, descending into the Jumper Bay, and Elizabeth had work to get on with.

Evan had had a late lunch and then headed for the firing range. He was busy gentling a couple of the new scientists through their firearms proficiency when John came bounding through the door, looking very alive and well and full of energy. He bounced up to Evan’s side and grinned at him.

Evan looked him up and down and laughed. “I gather the waterfall trip was as successful as always, Sir?”

“Oh yeah. I feel great!”

“And did Dr Weir learn what she’d hoped to learn?”

John smirked. “Not sure. She was all flushed and embarrassed-looking when Adi and I came out from under the waterfall. I don’t think she’ll ask to come again.”

Evan laughed again. “I did warn her. Still, it’s probably good that she understands the process – and the need for only certain people to take Adi, if she needs to be healed herself.”

“Yeah. There is that.” John turned his head to watch the civilians firing at the targets, then turned back to Evan when they started to reel their targets in towards themselves. “I think tomorrow we can go harvest the gate and DHD for the Badagh and get that all set up. Do you see a problem with that?”

“No, Sir. That sounds fine. I assume Dr McKay will make himself and his scientists available. Are you planning to bring Adi along? To test the aura thing?”

John nodded. “Yeah, I think so. We’ll be doing a fair bit of flying so it would be good to check if the results are repeatable.” He grinned. “I’ll have to tell Rodney I said that – I sounded just like a scientist.”

“He seems to be rubbing off on you, Sir,” Evan said, and then his eyes widened and he blushed.

John burst out laughing, slapped Evan on the shoulder and took himself off to check with Rodney that tomorrow would suit him and his scientists for the Avenger flight.

It was late afternoon when John suddenly realised that he hadn’t actually thanked Adi for healing him. He’d calmed down a bit from the euphoria of going so suddenly from injured to healed, and found himself wanting to see her, to thank her properly. He ran her to earth in the greenhouse, singing softly to herself as she pottered backwards and forwards with her watering can. He stood for a moment, just watching her. Then he shook himself and headed towards her.

He was still a good twenty metres from her when Adi stiffened and looked sharply up, some natural instinct alerting her to his presence even though he’d been walking silently. He saw the tension drop from her body the moment she identified him, and her face lit with pleasure. His heart did that little bounce it did whenever Adi smiled at him.

“Hey,” he said softly, coming to a stop as he reached her. “I forgot to thank you for today, for healing me.”

“It was my pleasure, John. I am happy to have been able to help. Are you feeling quite well now?”

“Oh yeah,” he said, leaning against the bench where Adi was working. “I really like the instant healing, rather than the lingering in pain thing for weeks on end.”

Adi smiled, then sighed. “I wish I could offer it to everyone, John, but I am not even sure I will be able to help Matthew very much. It was difficult today, healing you.” She looked so worried that John stepped closer, drawing her into a hug. She settled against his body as if she belonged there, relaxing into him, and John lowered his forehead down, resting it on her hair, just enjoying the feeling of having her there with him. It still surprised him, how willing he was to hug Adi. He’d never really been into gratuitous touch before, but this… this always just felt right, and he’d noticed that he’d started to actually want it, think about it, crave it even. It was a bit unsettling when he wasn’t with Adi, but when he was… well it just felt so amazingly right that he didn’t care how weird it was for him to want this.

Eventually he lifted his head, loosening his arms. As nice as this was, he was, technically, on duty and should probably go do some work. Adi took a step back, and her smile dropped away.

“What is it?” John asked, his brow furrowing at Adi’s expression.

She took a deep, bracing breath. “I… John, I have been thinking… about the safe touch thing between us.” She paused for a moment, her teeth worrying at her bottom lip, and John’s stomach dropped, thinking that Adi had changed her mind and no longer wanted him to do it. He swallowed, wanting desperately to try this with her, wanting to talk her into it. He opened his mouth to speak, to find words to convince her it would be okay, but Adi beat him to it.

“John, is there somewhere else we could go? My room is a sanctuary for me, and I would prefer that when we are there, we touch each other only as we have been, for all these weeks and months. And the same with your room – I wish to know that when I am there, I have nothing to fear. Can we keep those rooms as safe places for me?”

John nodded slowly, the lump in his gut resolving. She wasn’t backing out of their deal. And her request made sense, but logistically this was going to be a problem. “Um, yeah, okay, let me think about it. I’ll work something out.” He took in her rigid posture, her fearful expression, and he reached out, taking her hand in his and squeezing gently. “I’m never going to hurt you, Adi. And we’ll only do what you’re comfortable with… and if that’s nothing, then we’ll do nothing. Okay?”

Adi smiled – a small smile, but still… “Thank you, John. I am sorry to be so scared.”

“No, don’t say that, Adi. I think you’re really brave. And I know you’re not scared of me, it’s just the… the thought of… being intimate with someone.” He squeezed her hand again. “I’ve got things to do,” he said as he let go. “I’ll find you later.”

Adi nodded and smiled at him. A better effort this time.

John turned and left the greenhouse, wondering where the hell he was supposed to take her so she could run her hands all over his naked body!

He headed for his office and brought up a map of Atlantis, looking it over carefully for another room, preferably with a bed in it, but somewhere they wouldn’t be disturbed. He found what he was looking for after about ten minutes of hunting. One of the outer towers had been deemed structurally sound by the engineers, but the bottom floors were badly water damaged and smelled pretty awful. The top floors were residential rooms, but they were suites, designed for couples or families, so they’d put them aside, not needing them. From memory, the smell pervaded up the stairwell to almost the top of the tower, but the very top floor might be okay.

John slipped out of his office and into the transporter, emerging in the tower in question a couple of stories down from the top. The smell wasn’t too bad here, although definitely noticeable. He climbed up the stairs to the top floor and walked along to the end of the hall.

There was almost no smell here and he opened the last door on the left, walking into the suite. The door closed silently behind him and he inhaled deeply. The smell was barely noticeable. The room he was in was clearly the living room cum kitchen, and he was facing a balcony so he crossed the room and slid the door open, letting the ocean breeze in to freshen the air.

Further exploration showed three bedrooms and a bathroom/laundry sort of room. It was actually really nice, but very bare. There were beds – decent sized beds, almost the equivalent of a queen size, back on Earth. And there was a sofa and coffee table sort of thing, but that was it. The normal green walls and copper fittings were everywhere, but there were no decorations, no wall hangings, nothing personalised. It was pretty stark.

John sighed. If this was going to be the place where Adi learned about the pleasures of sex, then it needed to be a hell of a lot nicer than this. He walked around again, eventually deciding that the bedroom overlooking the ocean was the nicest of the three, and he sat on the end of the bed, thinking about what might be needed to make it more welcoming for her.

He was just emerging from the bedroom into the main living area when the door to the suite slid silently open and Major Lorne carefully appeared around the door frame, gun in hand. He saw John and immediately holstered his weapon. “Sir! Sorry.”

“Um,” John’s entire thought process had been derailed at the sight of his XO here, in this place that was meant to be secret.

“Sorry,” Evan repeated, his expression remorseful. “I was in the Control Room, and Chuck was running the life signs scan for the city and saw a life sign in this deserted tower. So I came to check it out, just in case… you know.”

John nodded, finishing that sentence for himself – just in case it was someone feeling suicidal; just in case they had a stowaway, an infiltrator. He nodded, his hand running over the back of his neck. “Sure, um, no problem.”

Evan was looking around, spotting the open balcony door, the bedrooms opening off the main room. He looked back at John and saw how nervous he looked, the slight flush on his cheeks. “I won’t say anything, Sir.”

John gulped and nodded. “I… um… I… it, um—”

Evan shook his head and huffed out a laugh. “It’s okay, Sir. It’s for Adi, right? Neutral ground, where you can…”

John choked out a noise and Evan stopped and blushed, averting his gaze.

“She told you?” John blurted out, his tone aghast.

“Um, yeah, in the jumper on the way back from the waterfall, after Dr Quinten… I mean, she didn’t say it was you, just that she’d asked someone to help her with… well… anyway. Who else could it be? There’s only you, me and Ronon that she’s really comfortable with, and she regards Ronon as a brother.”

John nodded, looking pretty freaked out.

Evan was glancing around. “It’s nice, Sir. Just needs a few home touches and it’ll be great.”

John swallowed. Clearly there was no point being embarrassed since Lorne seemed to know everything and was being all matter-of-fact about it. It was obvious that Adi trusted him even more than John had realised - enough to share this incredibly personal information with him. So he drew in a breath and responded to Evan’s comment. “Yeah, I, um, I was thinking, um, maybe some plants.”

Evan pursed his lips, eyeing his CO and seeing all the signs of a man pushed almost too far. “I can gather some things if you like, Sir. Get some plants, a few candles from Teyla, a couple of cushions, a painting perhaps for the wall.”

“I was, um, I was going to… ask if you’d paint a… landscape… of Capeliga.”

Evan’s face lit with joy. “I’d be honoured, Sir. Truly.”

“Thanks. I…” John took a deep breath, pulled himself together. “I was going to take Adi to Capeliga the day after tomorrow, so she can show the marines there the Pethri tracking program. But if you take her, then you could stay for a while and paint. You said you wanted to paint the islands, but I thought… um, maybe, the, um… the view from the cave?”

“Sure. I’d be happy to, but… don’t you think she’d rather you took her, Sir? I mean it’s only been a couple of days since Dr Quinten…”

John looked at him for a moment, as if appraising him. Then he sighed. “She obviously trusts you, Lorne. A lot. I don’t think she’ll have a problem going with you… even now. I mean, yesterday, she went to the waterfall with you when she was really distressed, and then she flew off to a battle on another planet with you. And you know about… about… this… so…” He ducked his head, then turned and crossed to the balcony, looking out at the view.

Evan followed him. “All right then, Sir. I’ll um, I’ll let Chuck know to ignore any life signs in this room, and I’ll bring some furnishings up, and it should be ready within an hour or so.”

John gazed at his XO, amazed once again at Lorne’s competence, his willingness to help with anything that was going on, and his easy acceptance of anything and everything. “Thanks, Lorne. I—I really appreciate the help.”

Evan blushed again. “No problems, Sir. I want her to feel safe, too.” He cleared his throat. “You can leave the balcony door open for now, I’ll close it when I’m done. I didn’t notice any smell when I came in.”

“There was only a slight smell when I got here,” John said as they left the suite, heading back down the hall. “I think the breeze’ll sort it out completely.”

They parted company at the transporter, Lorne zapping himself away to collect things, and John heading to his room to change into sweats for his regular bantos session with Teyla.

John had actually managed to best Teyla in one of their bouts, so he arrived in the mess to have dinner with his team feeling pretty chuffed. It was rare that he got one up on her. Rodney and Ronon were at the back of the queue, and he joined them there, seeing Teyla a few people ahead.

They ate and chatted and caught up on each other’s news – easy team interaction, and something that John loved. He’d never had this before Atlantis, this feeling of family, of companionship, people who were his, who would watch his back, accept him for who he was. This was the first posting where he wasn’t repeatedly butting heads with the command staff, where his CO wasn’t constantly telling him he was worthless, where people actually valued him.

Adi didn’t come into the mess at all while they were eating, and John realised they’d made no actual plan to meet up so he wasn’t sure where she’d be, or what time she was expecting him. He started to frown a little, distracted from the conversation going on, but then Rodney turned to him. “Sheppard, are you free tonight? I thought we could race the cars.”

“Oh, um, well—”

“Oh, come on. It’s not like you’ve got anything better to do. I realised that I’ve been ignoring you because of Susie, and that’s the mark of a bad friend. So, I thought we could spend some time together, like we used to. I souped up your car a little – and mine of course, so it’ll still be a close race. What do you say?” Rodney was looking at John with that smile he used when he was eager and excited, his eyes wide, and John just couldn’t say no.

“Okay, sounds great buddy. What time?”

“Well, now’s good.” Rodney pointed at Teyla and Ronon who were starting to clear up their trays, ready to leave. “These two are heading off to the gym to beat people up, so come on.” Rodney stood and gathered up his tray, waiting for John to join him, and the team all left the mess together. They separated at the transporter doors and John and Rodney made their way to Rodney’s quarters to collect the cars. John glanced at Adi’s door as he went past, wondering if he could leave her a note, but there was no way to do that without Rodney picking up on it. He sighed and resigned himself to the delay. And he had missed Rodney. He’d been so busy with Susie that John hadn’t seen him much outside of work. Rodney was right, you shouldn’t ignore your friends just because you had someone new in your life.

John turned to Rodney and asked him about the modifications he’d made, and Rodney eagerly responded. They gathered the cars and headed for the bowels of Atlantis, happy in each other’s company.

It was three hours later that John finally made his way back to his quarters. He’d really enjoyed his evening, trumping Rodney soundly in the final race. He dropped the cars off in his quarters – Rodney had gone back to the lab – and headed out to do his final rounds of the city. He always found it calming to do this, to check on everything, make sure there were no problems. And there were no problems. Everyone was where they were meant to be, no issues reported anywhere, nothing to worry about. So John made his way back to his quarters and had a shower. He hadn’t been doing anything particularly sweaty, but he wanted to go and find Adi and he wanted to be clean when he did that. It was only 10.30pm. She’d probably still be awake… or if not, then she’d wake up when he came. Either way, if he might end up naked, then he wanted to be clean, not smelling of a whole day of activity.

He was feeling a bit nervous actually. A light thrum of anticipation was running through him, tempered with worry that they’d try this and it would go horribly wrong. He stood in the shower having visions of Adi running screaming down the hallway of the deserted tower, trying to get away from him. He huffed out a breath. No. She wouldn’t. Because he wasn’t going to do anything to freak her out. He wasn’t even going to touch her – she’d be touching him. And maybe they wouldn’t do anything at all tonight. Maybe they’d just stay in Adi’s room and snuggle up like friends. He winced at the word snuggle… but really, that’s what they did, and he liked it. He rolled his eyes at himself then, and thought the water off. Enough prevaricating.

He dried himself off and dressed in clean BDUs, then gathered his courage and slipped down the hallway to Adi’s room, thinking the door open as he approached and sliding inside just as the transporter doors at the end of the hall opened. Phew!

Adi wasn’t in the room, but he could hear the shower running, and then a moment later, the water shut off. Okay, he could wait. He perched on the end of the bed, fiddling with his hands. Then stood and walked around the room for a bit. Then picked up a chunk of wood Adi seemed to be whittling. Then put it down and walked around again. He was looking at the children’s book Adi was reading when the bathroom door opened and she walked into the bedroom.

She gasped as she saw him, her arms coming up into a defensive position, her whole body stiffening. Then she recognised him and let out a huff of breath. “Oh, John. You startled me.”

She came towards him then, and snuggled up close, wrapping her arms about his waist as she always did, resting her head against his heart. John returned the hug full measure. She felt warm and soft, fresh from the shower, and he gently kissed the crown of her head. She gave him a soft squeeze, then pulled away. “Have you had a busy evening?” she asked as she sat on the bed.

“Um… I went, um… with Rodney and we—we raced cars.”

Adi looked at him, gentle puzzlement on her face. “John? Is everything all right? Are you well?”

“Yeah, I…” He huffed out a breath and sat next to her on the bed, picking up her hand. “I, um… I found a room, today. In another tower. It’s really nice. We could… we could go there… if you want.”

The hand in his jerked slightly and he let go immediately. “Only if you want to, Adi.”

Adi took a deep breath and turned to face him fully. “Can we go… just to look first, John? Just to see?”

He nodded. “Yeah, sure. Just to check it out.”

Adi nodded and smiled, but it was a pretty poor effort.

“We don’t have to,” John said. “We can just stay here, sleep. Or I can… go.”

“No, I—I asked you to do this. I am just…” She stood suddenly. “Come. It is easier to face things head on than to worry about them.”

John stood too. He was eyeing her closely, not wanting her to freak out. “Nothing happens unless you want it to, Adi,” he said softly. “You’re in control of this.”

Adi nodded, quite seriously, and they left the room together. Once the transporter disgorged them into the deserted tower, John reached for Adi’s hand again, linking their fingers together. He felt Adi look up at him questioningly. “You said, on Capeliga, that you didn’t walk alone. That you always walked holding hands.”

Adi nodded, a genuine smile lighting her face. “Yes. I did say that and it is very true.” She squeezed his hand as they climbed the staircase together, her smile not dimming at all.

John was feeling nervous again, but this time it was because he hadn’t come to check out what Lorne had done, and he suddenly thought he should have. But they were almost there now, and he could hardly back out of this now, or ask Adi to wait. So he reminded himself that Lorne always came through, had never let him down in any task he’d been allocated, and thought the door to the suite open.

John stepped inside, Adi at his side, and then came to a stop, gazing around in wonder. There were candles on every surface glowing softly, a throw rug on the sofa, a potted plant on the coffee table, an oil painting of Atlantis on the wall. It was welcoming, homely, friendly – it was safe. It was perfect. Jeez! Lorne was a genius. John knew he could never have created something like this.

Adi was still at his side, looking around and she turned her face up to his, catching his eyes. “John, this is a beautiful room.”

John nodded, but honesty won out. “Lorne helped. I found it. He decorated it.”

Adi’s smile grew wider. “Evan has such a beautiful, gentle soul.” She didn’t seem at all surprised – or upset – that Lorne had been involved in setting this place up, and John filed that away in the ‘Lorne and Adi’ box in his mind.

Her eyes caught the balcony door and she headed towards it, John following behind her. It was cool on the balcony, but the moonlight was glinting on the water and reflecting off the buildings of Atlantis, and the scene was ethereal and magical and Adi sighed deeply. She reached for John, and pulled him in close beside her. “Thank you, John. Thank you for finding this place.”

“You deserve this, Adi. You deserve somewhere nice for this.”

A slight tremor ran through her body and John mentally kicked himself. Stupid to have reminded her why he’d found this place.

Adi turned to him. “There were doors opening off that room, John. May we explore? I would like to see what is here.”

John nodded and they slipped back inside. Adi opened the first door. It was a bedroom and he felt her stiffen slightly, but the room was unadorned, just the bed and nothing else, and she closed the door and moved on. The next room was the same, but the third door…

Adi stood on the threshold of the bedroom and gazed in wonder. There were more candles here, flickering on the bedside tables, releasing a beautiful fragrance into the room, and another oil painting adorned the wall – this time of a forest scene. In each corner of the room was a potted plant, middling tall and with lush, healthy leaves. Some Capeligan blankets were laid across the bed, and cushions and pillows were piled high at the top. And in the bottom corner of the bed, nearest the door, there were some chocolates.

Adi turned to John, her eyes glistening. “It is perfect, John.” And she moved into his body, sliding her arms around him and relishing the feel of his arms about her.

John was stunned. This room was… it was beautiful. Lorne had outdone himself. He wondered about the candles being lit… then realised that Lorne would've asked Chuck to let him know when John did his final patrol for the night. He’d have had plenty of time to slip up here and light them, before sneaking away again.

Then Adi loosened her arms, and John immediately dropped his. He never wanted her to feel trapped.

Adi walked softly into the room and gazed around, moving to the windows to look out at the view. She turned back to John. “May we lie together here, John? Just… in friendship? It is a very welcoming room.”

John nodded. “Sure. Good idea.” His mind was filling with Dr Heightmeyer’s advice, and the thing that was flashing like a warning beacon was that his hands would be scary, and he had to make sure not to touch her, freak her out.

Adi had already begun to undress, so John got with the program and sat on the bed to pull his boots off, stripping off his BDU pants and top and his t-shirt. By the time he was done, Adi was gazing at the stack of pillows and cushions, a considering look on her face.

“Are we meant to sleep on all of these pillows?” she asked, confusion in her voice.

John laughed. “No. They’re for appearance. Here…” He opened a cupboard and found shelves, and started to move the excess cushions and pillows in there, until there were only two pillows left on the bed.

When he turned back around from closing the cupboard, Adi was already in the bed, making herself comfortable, and so John slid in from his side, coming up beside her. He was nervous now, unsure exactly what was expected, what was going to happen… would they actually try touching, or was Adi really only wanting to get used to the room first? Feeling uncertain, John wriggled closer, and they settled into their usual night time positions, Adi’s head resting comfortably on John’s shoulder.

The candles were flickering softly beside the bed, making patterns appear on the ceiling and it was quite mesmerising. They lay there in silence for a while, just breathing.

John was thinking about how to approach this, and one thing he’d learned from his marriage was the importance of honesty and openness. So, taking a deep, bracing breath, he spoke softly into the quiet of the room. “Adi, I went to see Dr Heightmeyer yesterday morning.”

Adi lifted her head, her expression concerned. “Oh. I hope she was able to help you, John. I had not realised you were in distress.”

“No, it… it wasn’t for me.” He turned onto his side, dislodging Adi, but wanting to see her face properly as he talked about this. “I—I don’t want to screw this up, Adi. This… with you. I didn’t know how to… do this. So I—I asked her… for help.” He suddenly realised that Adi might think he’d betrayed her trust by speaking to the base psych, and he tensed slightly, but he needn’t have worried.

A slow smile was working its way onto Adi’s face, and it kept building until it lit her entire visage. “John, for you to seek advice on such a personal matter… oh! I do not know what I can possibly have done to have deserved the care of a man such as you.” She leaned forward and laid her forehead softly against his. “Thank you, John. Truly. But please, do not fear that you will make a mistake. We are both learning together here, and we will no doubt hit challenges, but we will overcome them together.” She drew back and gazed into his eyes, smiling at him. “Did she make helpful suggestions?”

“Um, well… she said… that you should, um… touch me, first. And that I—I shouldn’t touch you… at all… not yet.”

Adi was looking at him in consternation. “I do not think I will have any difficulty touching you, John. Did she say why she felt this was the best plan?”

“Um, yeah… she—she wanted you to, um, to…” He was blushing and he knew it. Bloody hell. This was harder than he’d thought it would be, and he hadn’t thought it’d be easy! But Adi just waited patiently as she always did, and John pulled himself together and had another go. “She thought… you should see, um, pleasure… in my body… first. Then… well… then…”

Adi nodded. “I understand. The thought of touching you is a lot less scary than you touching me, John.” She was silent for more than a minute, and John lay quietly, giving her the time to process Dr Heightmeyer’s advice. When she eventually spoke, her voice wasn’t nervous or bothered at all. “Shall we try Dr Heightmeyer’s suggestion now?”

John tried to hide his surprise. “Um, yeah, sure, okay.”

“You do not really like being touched though, John. Are you certain this will be all right for you?”

Trust Adi to worry about him in the middle of this. “I’ve never minded you touching me, Adi,” he whispered, his eyes skittering away from her at that admission.

He rolled onto his back again, and Adi snuggled in alongside him as she usually did. But after a minute or so, the hand that she always just placed flat on his chest started to move a little, her soft fingers caressing the skin of his chest, near his nipple. “Is this okay, John?” she asked softly, and he nodded.

“Yeah, um… hands, mouth… feet… whatever you want, Adi… wherever you want.”

Adi’s hand started to roam a little further, caressing his side then back up to his nipple, and she ran her fingers over the little nubbin before moving up to his neck, trailing her fingers up to his ear and sliding her fingertip gently around the outer lobe and then around the inside. A frisson of sensation ran through John’s body and he shivered involuntarily.

Adi stiffened instantly, pulling back a little. “John?”

Blushing lightly, John said, “It’s okay… it just… it feels good. What you’re… doing… with your, um… fingers. It feels… nice.”

Adi was still tense.

John turned his face towards her. “I’m not going to hurt you, Adi. I’m not going to touch you. But if—if you run your… hands over me, it’s… going to feel… well, really good, and my body’s going to… respond to that.” Adi was silent, so John ploughed on. “Dr Heightmeyer said that’s what she thought you should see. That you should see… pleasure… in my body first.”

“So if I do that again, will you shiver again, like that?”

“Try it and see,” John suggested, and fisted his free hand into the sheet. His other hand was still cradling Adi, and he thought that if she went much further, he’d have to move that one away. She’d barely touched him and he’d been on fire. He wasn’t sure if it was simple deprivation – it had been a fair while since he’d been with someone – or if it was because it was Adi touching him, but either way, his control wasn’t quite as good as he’d expected it to be.

Adi moved back into his side, letting her hand rest on his chest again, then just lay there for a few minutes, breathing softly. John started to relax his fisted hand, thinking that maybe she wasn’t going to give it another go. But then she did, her hand starting to move in small circles around his nipple, then sliding slowly up and down his chest, ruffling the chest hair as she went, before caressing his neck and rising up, up to his ear. He shivered again, his whole body joining in, and Adi stilled – but at least she didn’t stiffen this time. The shiver had reached his cock, and he was aware that some of the blood in his head was travelling south. God! He hoped he didn’t screw this up.

Adi’s hand moved again, circling his ear and then drifting back down his neck, and John fisted the sheets a little more tightly. As her hand found his nipple and started to rub gently around it, getting closer and closer, he moved his other hand away from where it was holding her, and placed it face down on the bed behind her. Maybe Kate had been right to suggest tying his hands up.

Adi stilled the moment John’s hand left her body. “John? Where is your hand?” She sounded scared.

“Oh, um, it’s just on the bed… behind you.” He tapped it lightly so she could hear it.

“Oh,” she said in a small voice. “I preferred it when it was touching me and I knew where it was.”

“I can’t, Adi.” His voice was deeper, raspier. “You… your fingers, they… they feel amazing, and… I can’t keep my hand still on your body…”

Adi was suddenly on the other side of the room, her eyes wide and staring at him, her body taut.

Damn! John started to sit up, then remembered Kate saying that Adi might run from him, but she’d come back because she trusted him, and that he should let her set the pace. He slowly lay back down and waited, trying to look as non-threatening as possible.

It only took a few minutes, and John thought that was a pretty good sign. Adi came up to the side of the bed and stood there, gazing at him, her teeth worrying at her bottom lip. John rolled slowly onto his side, facing her.

“It’s okay to be scared,” he said softly. “And it’s okay to get out of the bed and find your calm. I’m not going to hurt you, and you know that.”

Adi nodded, her brow lightly furrowed. “You are so patient with me, John. But I do not know if I will ever be able to do this.”

“Let’s try to stay positive. Look at what you’ve achieved tonight already!”

But Adi had her arms wrapped around her body, her expression worried and uncomfortable, and John decided that perhaps this was enough for a first attempt. “How about you just come here for… you know… what we usually do. Perhaps we should start and finish that way every time… so you still feel safe here.” He didn’t want her to get scared of this room, of this place he’d found. It was like falling off a horse, you needed to get straight back on, or you lost your nerve.

Adi was climbing back onto the bed, slowly working her way under the covers and sidling across to the middle where he lay. She came very carefully up to his body and snuggled lightly against him, and, remembering that hearing his voice was helpful for Adi, John spoke softly. “I’m going to put my arm around you like usual now, and just hold you.” And he did, wondering if Adi would bolt again, but she didn’t. He could feel that she was more tense than usual, and so he just lay quietly, breathing softly until, after about five minutes, she relaxed against him. “That’s it,” he said. “You’re safe, Adi.”

“I thought it would be easier,” she said softly. “I didn’t think it would be so hard to touch you.”

John snorted. “I don’t think you found touching me hard at all, Adi. I think you found the, um… the way… my, um, my body… reacted… a bit challenging.”

She huffed out a breath. “Yes. Because that is the beginning, John. You only shiver at first, but then your hands want to move and then your… your… you will… you will grow hard and then… and then…” Her voice had risen, the fear clearly evident, and she had started to shudder.

“Shh… shh… it’s okay. I’m never going to hurt you.” He rocked her lightly in his arms, keeping up the gentle litany of comfort until, eventually, she quieted.

“I am asking a great deal of you, John,” Adi whispered. “I do not wish to push you for more than you can give.”

John’s arms tightened involuntarily around her. As hard as this was, there was no way he was going to give up and risk her doing this with someone else… with Lorne. She was his, and he wasn’t sharing. But he was feeling a bit drained. Supporting someone else’s emotions was as hard as he’d thought it might be.

“Let’s just lie here for another five minutes, Adi, and then we can head back.”

She nodded against his chest and snuggled close, relaxed and calm, and John decided that this was the best way to be with her. This, where she just trusted him. He didn’t need sex, he just needed Adi at his side to feel complete.

Chapter Text

Evan had not slept well. When he finally accepted it was morning and he had to get up, he dragged himself out of the bed, feeling haggard and lonely and stupid. Stupid for offering to help Colonel Sheppard set up the suite for Adi – because it'd looked amazing when he’d finished with it… and then he’d spent the rest of the night imagining the two people he loved lying naked in that bed, soft candlelight flickering over their bodies as they touched each other in very intimate fashion.

He thudded his head against the wall of the shower, mentally berating himself for getting involved. He should just have walked back out the fucking door, the moment he saw it was just the Colonel up there. But as soon as he’d realised why Sheppard was in that suite, he’d wanted it to be nice for Adi so she’d feel safe and warm and welcomed. She deserved somewhere nice to be deflowered. Fuck!

He poured the shampoo into his hand and savagely attacked his hair, scraping his fingernails roughly over his scalp and trying to blot out the images in his mind.

Eventually he gave up, rinsed himself clean and got ready to face the day. And, oh, wonderful… he had to fly a spaceship all around the galaxy with Colonel Sheppard at his side and Adi touching his fucking skin!

He decided that he needed a really long run to get rid of all this pent-up emotion, so he pulled his boots and BDUs back off and grabbed his sweats instead. Breakfast wasn’t nearly as important as being calm and in control when he next saw his CO and Adi.

The run helped. He chose his outdoor route, jogging along the piers with the ocean’s soft susurrus a counterpoint to his thudding feet, a light breeze against his skin, the early tendrils of sunshine warming him. When he reached the top end of the route he pulled up, jogging lightly on the spot to keep his muscles warm, and gazed back at the city. The sunlight was hitting the various panes of glass in the towers, making them glitter, and the whole city was backlit with puffs of cloud, tinged pinks and golds. Evan’s painting hand curled around an imaginary brush and he sighed, feeling all the stress drain out of his body in the face of such beauty.

By the time he turned to head back, he’d reminded himself that he couldn’t have Colonel Sheppard, and he couldn’t have Adi. But he could choose to be happy that they had each other. Evan felt the muscles around his mouth lifting into a slight smile. Yeah, okay. He was happy that they’d found each other. This was a good thing.

It was in a much calmer frame of mind that he jogged his way back to his quarters and took a second shower.

Adi made her way to the Avenger after breakfast, feeling unsure why she’d been requested. Radek had told her that she was to fly with the Colonel and Major Lorne to collect the gate and DHD and take them to Badagh, but he hadn’t known why, just that he’d been asked to make her available.

She was feeling quite calm this morning, despite the fear that had gained a footing in her mind while she and John had been… touching, last night. She thought it had probably gone about as well as it could have done, and the suite itself had been amazing. She smiled to herself as she remembered the beautiful candles, the scent wafting through the air, the plants and furnishings, all coming together to make a calming and welcoming space. Once they’d left the suite and returned to the inhabited part of the city, John had gently asked if she wished to be alone, but she hadn’t wanted that. So she’d taken his hand and encouraged him into her quarters, and into her bed, knowing that he’d promised that here, in her room, there would be no scary touching at all. And so she’d fallen easily to sleep, the arms of the man she loved encircling her heart, encircling her soul.

She’d woken alone, as she’d known she would, with John gone for his morning jog with Ronon, but that had just given her the time she’d needed to process her fear of John’s response to her touch. She knew she’d probably continue to fear the reactions of his body, and thought that maybe she needed to start lower down. Perhaps touching his feet, where his hands were nowhere close to her. When he’d shifted his hand off her body, she’d felt a stab of terror, not knowing where it was, what he was going to do with it. But of course… it was just John, and he’d never done anything to hurt her. She’d realised that this was going to take a very, very, long time for her, and hoped that John would tell her if he ever felt too overloaded to continue. She didn’t want to lose him because her own fears were simply too great.

The mess had been busy when she’d gone for breakfast, and she’d avoided a lot of the morning hug-in again. The fear of touch was still looming large in her mind after the incident with Dr Quinten and the need to touch so many incompatible auras after the Genii attack, plus pushing all her boundaries with John the night before. But people had been understanding. Some of her usual blue-greens had offered her a hi-five without even attempting a hug, and that had been better. Although she wasn’t sure that a slap on her hand in any way equated to the glories of having someone’s arms gently holding her close! But since she couldn’t currently handle the feeling of being trapped against another body, at least letting her friends touch her in some way was a good stop-gap measure. And she’d seen the hi-five used to denote friendship and joy amongst members of the expedition, so perhaps this was an Earth cultural activity, one that allowed for close contact and emotional sharing without the need for people to actually embrace one another.

Adi drew a deep breath as she stepped onto the West pier, the Avenger floating in the waters in front of her. The sky was a beautiful blue this morning, with a little dusting of soft, white, fluffy clouds, and the sun was warm with a gentle breeze blowing. She took a few moments to relish the feel of nature on her skin, banking these sensations against the fact that the rest of the day would be spent inside a spaceship in the vast blackness of space, nothing touching her skin but recycled air. Then she boarded the Avenger, making her way to the bridge.

John was in conversation with Rodney, Rodney’s hands moving all over the place as he rapidly explained some concept or other, but Evan was sitting on the dais and his face lit with a smile, despite himself, as she appeared before him.

“Good morning, Evan,” Adi said softly. “It is the first time I have seen you today, may I share a hug with you?”

Evan nodded and stood up with alacrity, and Adi moved into his body as she always did, as if she belonged right here, against his heart. He snuggled her close, unspeakably pleased that she’d asked to hug him, that she still wanted this, despite whatever had happened in the night between herself and Colonel Sheppard.

Adi pulled back, her face glowing, as it always did when she’d been hugging him.

“Thank you, Evan, for decorating for me,” she said softly. “It was beautiful.”

Evan blushed but nodded. “I’m glad… I—I’m glad you liked it, Adi.”

“I did,” she said, then leaned in and gave him another quick hug. “Do you know why I am here?” she asked in her normal voice, but it was John who answered.

He’d finished up with McKay and had turned towards the pilot’s chair, then come up short at the sight of Adi and Evan embracing so closely. They’d pulled apart then, and he’d crossed the bridge as they spoke softly to one another.

“You’re here, Adi, because Major Lorne says he thinks your aura helped him to feel less tired on the Badagh flights.”

Adi looked surprised and turned towards Evan. “Really? I do not think I was doing anything special.”

“I’m not sure that you were,” Evan said, “but I was noticeably less tired when we reached Badagh, and then, coming back, I was getting tired but when you returned from the infirmary the tiredness, sort of, backed off.”

“So,” John butted in, “we want to test it, see if it’s repeatable.” His eyes suddenly lifted to Lorne’s, full of mischief as he remembered Lorne’s comment about Rodney rubbing off on him. Evan blushed again, and John laughed softly. He’d been a bit embarrassed this morning when he’d first seen Lorne, but the Major had behaved with perfect military propriety, and so John had managed to get back into the groove, pushing aside what had transpired the evening before.

He turned back to Adi. “Were you really unaware of anything?”

Adi shook her head. “I was… well, I was a little distressed. I was leaning against Major Lorne’s leg and his hand was resting against the back of my neck, and I may have been drawing a little energy from his aura, to settle my own. But I do not see how that would have helped him to be less tired.” Her brows were drawn together in confusion. “I may have been doing something else that I was unaware of.” She sighed. “I was not really focussing very well that day. I mostly put myself into a trance and let Major Lorne’s hand anchor me, knowing I was safe.”

“Right,” said John. “Well, let’s try it again. If it’s not affecting you at all to do whatever you were doing, and it is useful for us, then it’s worth giving it a go.” He sat in the pilot’s seat and nodded to Adi, and she sat on the dais next to him and leaned against his leg as she had with Lorne, running her hand around his calf and snuggling in. She felt John’s hand slide down the back of her head until he reached the skin on her neck, and then his fingers settled there, and she sighed deeply and set her mind to simply drift.

Three hours later, John eased the Avenger out of hyperspace and settled her in orbit around the planet McKay and Zelenka had chosen for this mission. It was a previously inhabited planet that had undergone seismic activity, rendering it unsafe for human populations, and so the gate and DHD had become redundant.

Rodney and his team were running some scans of the surface, checking that it was safe for them to land. They’d sent through a MALP this morning to check the same thing, and it had shown higher levels of carbon dioxide and sulfur dioxide in the air than was comfortable, but not enough to hurt them in the time they’d be here. They might end up coughing, or feeling a little breathless, but there should be no lasting effects.

Rodney was busy checking for any more earthquakes that might be in the offing. John didn’t want to lose his shiny new spaceship because the ground suddenly opened up beneath them and swallowed it.

“It’s all clear, Colonel,” Rodney said, appearing at his side, laptop open and balanced on his arm. “Everything matches the MALP data. I don’t think there’s any risk, as long as we’re done within three to four hours.”

John grinned and thought the Avenger down through the atmosphere, eventually landing in the clearing where the gate stood. He wriggled a bit in his seat, lifting his hand from Adi’s neck and stretching his arms wide.

Adi moved, releasing his leg and shaking her head lightly, and John assumed she’d been in a trance, or whatever, all the way here.

He glanced over at Lorne. “Yeah, I see what you mean.”

“So, not tired then?”

John shook his head. “Nope. Really not. A bit stiff from sitting so still, but that mental drain just isn’t there.” He turned to Adi who was blinking slowly and rolling her neck a little. “How are you feeling, Adi? Any side effects?”

She smiled at him. “None at all, Colonel. I feel a little… dazed. But then, I was just… drifting with my mind. A little like the meditation that Teyla does, I think. It takes a little while to rejoin the rest of the world.” She smiled again. “May I go out into nature here, Colonel?”

“Um, yeah,” John said, his eyes meeting Lorne’s. “Just, stay close by. It’s not the nicest environment out there.”

John put out the call for all troops to be ready, and then opened the hatch and everyone filed out into the clearing around the gate. The Avenger itself, while substantially bigger than a gate, didn’t have a single space inside that was large enough to encompass it, and didn’t have an access door wide enough for the gate to pass through. So Radek and his team of engineers had devised a pulley system that would lift the gate onto the top of the Avenger, lashing it to the hull. Radek had reminded them all of John’s historic journey through hyperspace, lodged on the side of a Hive ship in his F302. They were confident the gate would be just fine.

It took them two and a half hours all up to get the gate stabilised on the ship, and the DHD disconnected and loaded. John stepped back from the ship to see how it looked, now that all the ladders and so on had been pulled away and stored back inside. It wasn’t too bad. And they’d tied it on very firmly. He didn’t think it was going to be in the way of them launching drones – he’d been very specific about the placement, to not cover over the drone bays.

He glanced around the clearing and saw that the last of his marines were making their way back to the ship. Adi was still lying on the rock she’d chosen when they’d first arrived, her eyes closed, her body relaxed. Ronon was standing nearby, no doubt giving her the sense of safety she needed to be that calm in a group. Dr Beckett hadn’t wanted Ronon to leave the infirmary, or to fly this mission, but Ronon hadn’t seen the need to lie around just because he had some cuts and bruises and a couple of broken ribs. His concussion had resolved and he’d signed himself out of the infirmary and boarded the Avenger and John wasn’t going to argue with him. At least John had managed to ensure he wasn’t involved in the heavy lifting and pulling to get the gate into position – instead he’d been useful for watching over Adi.

John caught Ronon’s attention and waved his hand, pointing at the ship, and saw him speak to Adi, who sat up, blinking. And then John was back aboard, calling for a roster of all troops to ensure no-one had been left behind.

Evan would be flying this next leg, and he was seated comfortably in the pilot’s seat. Within minutes, Adi was leaning against his leg, her arms curled around his calf, and his hand had come to settle gently against the nape of her neck. He felt her sigh and soften against him, and he huffed out a soft breath. As much as he felt he needed distance, he wasn’t willing to give this up for anything… this moment when Adi just melted against him, trusting him completely.

Evan turned his attention away from the warmth of Adi’s body against his to the serious business of flying the Avenger. It was going to take around two hours to get to Badagh, and then another one and a half hours back to Atlantis. Evan settled into the chair and thought the engines on, lifting the spaceship up into the ether.

The gate had been successfully unloaded on Badagh and hauled into place by the many willing marines that John had sensibly brought with them, and the DHD had been installed nearby. There had been several Badagh citizens actually in the gate clearing when they’d arrived, including the Headman of the largest village. The Badagh had cleared a lot of the rubble away – enough that the DHD and gate could be easily re-installed in almost the same place, just a bit further forward to account for some of the cliff having disappeared.

With the physical labour done, it was now time to sit back while McKay did all the sciency stuff of making the gate work. And in the meantime, they needed to visit the Badagh village that made the glassware Atlantis used, and place the order that Stackhouse’s team hadn’t had the chance to do last time.

John looked at Ronon, pacing restlessly around the clearing, his injuries clearly not bothering him enough to stop him moving. The Satedan was a law unto himself, and John felt a sudden shaft of gratitude that he hadn’t plummeted the whole way down from that cliff. He wouldn’t have wanted to lose Ronon.

John walked across to where Lorne was standing at parade rest, his hand balanced loosely on his P-90, facing the as-yet non-functional gate. They’d all donned tac vests and weapons before disembarking from the Avenger, and everyone was feeling a little tense, here at the site of the Genii’s last attack.

“Major,” John called as he got close, and Evan turned to face him. “Yes, Sir?”

“I’m going to take Teyla and Ronon and a few marines, and go shopping. You’re in command here. Keep McKay safe.”

“Yes, Sir. Are you taking Adi with you, Sir? Or will she be remaining here?”

“Um, I—I’ll ask her. See what she wants to do.” Focussed on operational matters as he had been, Adi hadn’t been in the forefront of John’s mind. But he turned now and surveyed the clearing, spotting her sitting on a rock away from everyone else. He crossed the clearing and came up beside her.

“Hey. I’m going to grab Ronon and Teyla and we’re going to walk to one of the villages and get some glassware made up. Did you want to come or stay here? It’s a six kilometre walk each way, plus time there… we’ll probably be three or four hours.”

“I will come, Colonel,” Adi said, dropping from her rock down to the ground. “I have done nothing all day but sit peacefully. I shall enjoy a walk through the forests here.”

“Okay.” He looked her over for a moment. She didn’t have a tac vest. She had no weapons at all. And he suddenly thought that she probably should have. You just never knew what might come up. He tilted his head, indicating she should follow and crossed to where several of the marines were taking a short break. They all stiffened as he approached, not really coming to attention, but certainly giving him their attention. John was a pretty relaxed CO, and he’d encouraged his men to be relaxed around him too, but they definitely knew who was in charge.

“Corporal Peters, Lopez and Parkes, you’ll be joining my team for a lovely afternoon stroll to the nearest village.” He perused the remaining marines, as the three he’d named stood and extricated themselves from the group. Then he saw what he wanted. “Corporal Hendrix, can I please have your side arm?” Hendrix carried the same weapon as John did himself, so he knew Adi was familiar with it.

Hendrix stood immediately and undid the holster from his leg, handing it over.

“Thank you,” John said, then turned to Adi. “Put this on.”

She looked at him for a moment, reflecting it was a good thing she’d worn pants today, not a skirt. Then she bent forward and began trying to fix the holster around her leg, but it kept sliding away. Hendrix dropped down beside her. “Here Adi, I’ll do it.” And John watched in amazement as she just let him. Let this marine touch the inside of her leg, very high up, almost at her crotch, to slide the Velcro wraps into place.

“Thank you, Corporal Hendrix,” Adi said when he was done, beaming at him, and he smiled back at her as he stood and moved away.

John mentally shook his head. He was never going to understand this complex woman. He turned and led the way, tapping his radio to call Ronon and Teyla to them, calling Lorne as well to tell him who was going on the walk, how long he thought they’d be. Then they were into the forest, Ronon ranging ahead, the three marines following him, and John, Adi and Teyla at the rear.

They’d been walking for maybe half an hour, a comfortable silence between them, when Teyla turned to Adi. “How are you feeling now, Adi? Are you recovered from your ordeals?”

Adi nodded, smiling in gratitude at Teyla’s interest in her wellbeing. “I am… recovering, Teyla. I am still very nervous in the mess. There are so many people. Major Lorne has assured me that he has made everyone aware that I do not wish for anyone else to tell me of their personal feelings for me, which is comforting. But… there is still the thought in my mind that possibly people are feeling things they are hiding, and maybe those feelings will boil over.”

“It is certainly unfortunate that Dr Quinten misconstrued the ways of your people, Adi. Obviously there was no need for a lengthy courtship when everyone in your community knew each other so well. But for any outsider, there would need to be time to gain trust, gauge interest.”

“Yes. I regret speaking so freely to Dr Corrigan. I had hoped that preserving the memory of my people’s ways would be a good thing, but I am not so sure I should have done so now.” Adi sighed.

John stayed silent. He kind of wished Adi hadn’t spoken to Corrigan either, although he’d had no issues with it before the whole Dr Quinten episode had blown up in their faces. Hindsight and all that.

“It is to be hoped that, with time, you will feel safe again in Atlantis,” Teyla said. “I noticed this morning that your usual friends were giving you hi-fives rather than hugs. It was good to see them adapting to your needs.”

Adi smiled. “Yes, but I find this – hitting hands – very peculiar. It does not feel very nice to be struck, so. Although I have observed that the sentiment behind the gesture is one of friendship or congratulations. I would much rather have the joy of someone’s arms about me, someone’s aura blending with my own.” She sighed again.

“I am certain you will recover your emotional balance shortly, Adi, and will be able to engage with your friends again, as you wish to do.”

Adi nodded. “I hope so. It is not nice, to be scared of people that I had felt comfortable with, especially when they have done nothing to deserve that fear.”

“How well do you know Corporal Hendrix?” John suddenly asked, surprising himself.

Adi glanced at him. “He assisted me when we were last on Badagh, Colonel. He provided energy so that I could help those who were injured.”

“So you met him two days ago, in battle conditions?”

Adi nodded. “I was extremely distressed that day, Colonel, and Corporal Hendrix realised that having himself and Corporal De Sousa so close to my body, actually touching me, was oversetting my emotional control. So he spoke to me of my concerns, and assured me that neither of them would hurt me, reminding me that they only touched my skin as I had asked them to. He said he wished to help heal the injured just as much as I did, and asked that I trust him and Corporal De Sousa, so that I might concentrate on the wounded with a mind free from worry.”

“That was insightful of him,” Teyla commented.

“Yes, he is very kind,” Adi said.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, each with their own thoughts.

The village was quaint, and Adi looked around with interest as they arrived. The glass works was visible at the end of the main street, a largish building, but the houses that clustered at the side of the road were brightly coloured and very interesting. Two stories most of them, with a slightly larger building in between, many people coming and going, and Adi surmised it might be a meeting place of some sort, or perhaps an indoor marketplace.

John led the way to the glassworks, smiling at the locals as they waved. The Lanteans had been many times to Badagh and were welcomed and trusted visitors. Then Adi saw a small boy sitting quietly on a tree stump at the side of the road, and she stopped, gasping. Within seconds she had broken away from the group and crossed to the little boy, crouching down in front of him.

“Hello,” she said softly. “My name is Adi.”

The little boy looked at her with a wariness that was at odds with his age. He seemed to be only three or four years old, but his gaze spoke of terrible experiences, well beyond his years.

Adi felt movement behind her and turned sharply to look, but it was only John, Teyla and Ronon.

“I sent the marines on to the glassworks to place the order. What’s going on Adi?” John was eyeing the child, wondering what had attracted Adi so suddenly to his side.

Adi ignored him, turning back to the boy. “These are my friends,” she said, and then, pointing, she introduced them. “This is John, and this is Ronon and this is Teyla. They are all very kind people. Can you tell me what your name is?” She was itching to touch him. His aura was in chaos, so many small wounds all over that the energies were barely able to flow at all, and where they were trying to move around there were bottlenecks and fritzing and it was terribly hard to look at him at all.

The child still hadn’t spoken, but a woman came up alongside him. “This here’s Natol,” she said. “He lives alone with his Da, down by the old mill. He don’t speak.”

“May I touch his skin?” Adi asked, realising that the child was covered with clothing from top to toe. The only skin visible at all was on his face.

The woman’s brow furrowed, but she glanced up at John and then back down. “You may, if he’ll let you.”

“Natol,” Adi said very gently. “I wish to help you. I can see that you are not feeling very well. I wish to put my hand on your skin, very softly, very gently, just here on your face.” She put her hand on her own face to demonstrate, and the little boy’s eyes followed her hand. “That is right, Natol. Just so. It will not hurt you at all. I wish only to help you.” And then she held his eyes, smiling at him, as she brought her hand towards his face, cupping his tiny cheek in her palm.

Oh! Adi fought to keep the revulsion from her face, to keep her hand relaxed on his skin. There was horror here, everywhere. She could feel the terror, could feel ‘Da’ again and again, screaming, all over his damaged aura. With a sense of horrible certainty, Adi drew back her hand and spoke again. “Natol, I would like to see your skin. Will you let me roll up your trousers a little, so that I may see your leg?”

Again, there was no verbal response, but there was a little awareness in the child’s eyes, as if he knew what she would find. Holding his eyes, still smiling, Adi reached down and slowly rolled the trouser leg up, only an inch or two, and already the bruising, the welts and burns were visible.

The Lanteans behind her stirred and the woman crouched beside them gasped in shock. “What’s that then?” she asked. Reaching out her hands she lifted the little lad off the tree stump, stood him up, and pulled his trousers down in one swift move. All down his thighs and across his knees, the skin was discoloured with deep bruising and there were scars and puckers of flesh that were clearly burns.

Behind her, Adi heard Ronon’s gun charging up. “Where is the father?” she asked the woman, and their eyes met.

“I—I’ll fetch Dustan. He’s the Headman of our village. Wait here.”

Ronon and John had followed the woman, but Teyla remained and now she crouched down beside them. Adi pulled the little boy’s trousers back up, covering the damage, giving him back his dignity. She lifted him gently, so gently, back onto his tree stump. “Natol, I wish to help you. I will heal your aura, and then your body will have a greater chance of healing these wounds.”

He nodded, the first response he’d given, and Adi smiled at him. “You are safe with me, Natol. I will not allow that man to hurt you again.” Natol gazed into her eyes, and a single tear formed and ran down his cheek.

Beside them, Teyla drew a distressed breath.

Adi reached out her hand and hovered it over Natol’s aura, starting on his tiny chest, spending her own energies in profligate abandon to heal this damage. She was still working when she heard a disturbance coming towards them and, drawing her hand back and turning, she could see John and Ronon coming up the street with the woman who had been with them earlier. There was a man in robes walking beside her, and a very disgruntled man beside him. Half the village seemed to be following. But Adi’s eyes were on the disgruntled man. His aura was distorted, blacks and browns spiking across the undertones of red, the colours muddy and dirty. She shuddered. The little boy had gone very still and Adi turned her head back to him. “I can see which man is your Da, Natol. He will never touch you again. You are safe here. Teyla and I will protect you.”

The child had shrunk down to at least half his usual size, collapsing in on himself as if, by making himself tiny, he might escape his father’s attention. But Adi stood in front of him, between him and the man who was angrily denying all charges of wrongdoing. She was feeling dreadfully ill from the sight of his aura. It was revolting, disgusting, unholy, unclean, nauseating…

Then they’d arrived and the man was demanding to see his child. “No,” Adi said into the sudden silence, her eyes blazing with rage. “You will never see this child again. You will never touch this child again. Your actions are despicable and depraved. The state of your aura tells me everything I need to know about you. You are evil to the core. This child never had a chance in your company.”

The Headman stood forward. “May we see the evidence?” he asked.

“Remove this man and you may do so,” Adi said. “But I will not expose Natol to this man any further. He has suffered enough.”

The woman was plucking at the Headman’s cloak sleeve and so he nodded and two burly men came forward and dragged the father away, kicking and shouting about his rights. Once he was gone, Adi stepped aside and crouched back down, softening her voice. “Natol. The Headman of your village has asked to see the damage that your father has inflicted on your body. May I lift your shirt up, to show him?”

Natol nodded, and there were gasps from the crowd, and someone called out, “He hasn’t ever done that before. Hasn’t ever communicated before. We didn’t think he could even understand us.”

Adi ignored her, helping Natol down from his log and lifting his t-shirt up and off. The crowd gasped again, as the full horror of the damage to Natol’s body was displayed. And it was horrific. There wasn’t a single millimeter of normal coloured flesh anywhere on his torso. Burns, cuts and scrapes abounded, and everywhere there was bruising – deep purples, browns, greens, yellows, they criss-crossed each other until the entire stretch from waist band to chin was a mass of colour. Adi gently turned the top in the right way and pulled it back over Natol’s head and down.

She could hear John’s voice in the distance, calling to Ronon, but she had no time to spare him a thought. “Headman Dustan,” she said, “I can heal this child’s aura, but he needs more healing than just that. We have doctors with medicines and training in the healing arts who can help his body to recover from these wounds, who can help his mind to recover from the torture he has endured from one who should have been his protector.”

Dustan nodded. “We’ve failed him. Please, help him.” He crouched down then, so his eyes were at the same level as Natol’s. “Child, it is my sorrow that we didn’t see what was true. Your home is here, and you will always be welcome, but this woman can help you heal, and I think you should go with her.”

He stood as John reappeared at his side.

“Dustan, I’m really sorry, but Ronon’s killed the father. He’s dead.”

Dustan nodded. “It is best, Colonel Sheppard. Anyone who could do that to a child… we wouldn’t want them.”

The marines were coming back up the street, and seeing the crowd, were starting to finger their weapons. John tapped his radio, saying, “Stand down. The area’s secure.”

Adi turned to Natol. “Will you come with me, Natol? To a place where you will be made well? I will not be able to stay with you, but you will see me sometimes, and there are many new friends there, and you will be safe. I promise you this.”

Natol’s world-weary eyes held hers for a few moments, and then he nodded and reached for Adi’s hand, clasping it in his own. Adi turned to the marines who had reached them now, and after a moment of consideration, she said, “Corporal Parkes, what is your first name?”

“Um, it’s Tony, Ma’am.”

“Will you carry Natol for me?”

“Um, yes, Ma’am. Sure.” He flicked his eyes to Colonel Sheppard and seeing his nod, he turned back to Adi, but she had leaned down and was talking to Natol. “This man’s name is Tony. I would like you to ride on his back, all the way to our spaceship. I shall walk beside you, and Teyla will walk on your other side.”

Natol looked uncertain about that, and Adi reached out a hand and cupped his cheek. “Tony will not hurt you, Natol. His aura is clean and clear. The colours are bright and cheerful. His aura is the same colour as yours, so while we are walking through the forest, Tony will be helping you to heal. And you will not be alone with him for I, and all my friends, will be about you.”

Parkes came closer and knelt down on the ground, and Adi carefully, so carefully, helped Natol up onto his back. “Tony, Natol’s body carries many injuries. Please hold him only lightly, as all touch will hurt him.”

And so Parkes very carefully gripped his hands together beneath the tiny body on his back, creating a seat of sorts, and slowly stood back up.

“We’ve placed the order, Sir,” Corporal Lopez reported. “It’ll be ready to collect in three days.”

John nodded in acknowledgement and turned to the Headman. “Someone’ll be back in three days. I’m not sure who. I’ll get them to give you an update on the boy while they’re here.”

And then they were leaving, heading back into the forest, with Ronon stalking ahead of them, gun at the ready, the two unencumbered marines right behind him, and Corporal Parkes, with Adi and Teyla to either side, following. John brought up the rear.

Adi was hovering her hand over Natol's aura as they walked, finishing up the healing, trying to bring his aura back into balance, so that his body would be able to focus on all the physical healing that was needed. But she was feeling very unwell. In addition to enduring the dissonance from Natol’s aura, the effect of seeing his father’s tainted aura had been deeply nauseating, deeply unsettling, and she’d also drained her own energies to heal Natol’s aura. She walked along, doing all she could to keep a calm expression on her face for Natol, to not let her inner turmoil show. This little boy had lived through enough trauma, he did not need to see his rescuer in distress.

When they reached the gate clearing, it was to see everyone sitting in the shade, tucking into MREs. Lorne came to meet them. “It’s all done, Sir. The gate’s fully operational and we’ve dialled Atlantis and they’ve dialled us. It’s all working perfectly.” Then he noticed the child on Corporal Parkes’ back. “Hello! Who’s this?”

“This is Natol, Evan,” Adi said, and turned to Natol. “This is my friend, Evan, Natol. He is a very kind man. He will never hurt you.” Then she turned to John. “Colonel, if the gate is functional, could you perhaps let Corporal Parkes carry Natol straight back to Atlantis now, so that Carson can begin treating his wounds?”

John nodded. “Yeah, and all the marines as well. We don’t need them for the flight.” He turned away to check with Rodney how many of his scientists he needed to keep for the journey home, and how many could return immediately through the gate, and Adi turned to Natol.

“Natol, have you ever been through the Stargate? Through the Ring of the Ancestors?” She pointed.

The little boy shook his head.

“It is a very quick and safe way to travel. Tony is going to take you to Atlantis by walking through the gate with you on his back. And once you are there, you will go to see a lovely man named Carson, and he will look after all the wounds on your body. Carson is a very good friend of mine. He healed my own wounds when I first came to Atlantis.” She paused to let Natol take all of that information in. “I will be flying home on the spaceship,” she pointed, “because they need me there when they are flying. And so I will see you, in Atlantis, later today.”

Natol reached out his hand to her, and she took it, suppressing her flinch as their auras sparked against one another. “You will be quite safe, Natol.”

Teyla stepped around to Adi’s side. “I shall accompany you, Natol, through the gate with Tony. Would you like that?”

Natol’s age-old eyes moved to Teyla’s face and after a moment he nodded. “Very well then. It is agreed,” Teyla said calmly. “Perhaps, when you are all healed, you would like to meet my people, Natol. They are very kind and gentle and friendly. I am sure they will want to get to know you.” And speaking softly, Teyla started walking towards the gate, telling Natol all about the Athosians and the mainland.

As soon as Natol was unable to see her, Adi took the three steps that were needed to get to Evan, and sunk against his body. After a moment though, she drew back and pulled off her top, throwing it to the ground, then reached for his tac vest. “Please,” she whispered, and Evan immediately unclipped his vest and dropped it on the ground before pulling his two shirts free of his trousers and whipping them off over his head. Then Adi was wrapping herself around him, skin to skin.

To Evan, it felt as if she were actually trying to climb inside him, and he wondered what the hell had happened in the village. But he just held her tightly to him, letting her take whatever she needed from him. Turning his head, he caught Colonel Sheppard’s eye on him, and raised his eyebrows, asking what the hell was going on. But Sheppard just turned away, so Evan went back to hugging Adi.

Then Ronon approached and came up behind Adi. “Me too,” he said, and wrapped himself around both Adi and Evan in a huge bear hug.

But Adi flinched and pulled away, sliding out from between the two men. “Ronon, your aura is too angry to help me at this time. I am glad that you killed him. He did not deserve to breathe the same air as that child. But I cannot have you touching me now. I am too unsettled myself to cope with the swirling energies of your aura.”

Ronon nodded, not seeming terribly put out, and Adi stepped back into Evan’s embrace, snuggling her head in against his heart as she clung to him.

Evan turned his head to Ronon. “What the hell happened today?”

“A guy was beating up his kid. The kid never spoke so everyone thought he was stupid. Wasn’t though. The kid’s ours now, and the father’s dead. I killed him.” Ronon bared his teeth, and then turned and loped away and Evan was left, trying to process what had happened.

All across the clearing, marines and scientists were in motion, heading either for the gate or the Avenger, and Evan watched as the gate engaged, and people started to disappear into the event horizon, Corporal Parkes and his lonely little passenger one of the first to go through.

“Adi?” he said softly. “It’s time for us to go.”

She remained unmoving in his embrace for another few moments, and then she took a deep breath and moved backwards. Evan bent and picked up her top from where she’d thrown it, and she pulled it back on as he quickly redressed himself.

Then he silently led the way to the ship, wondering to himself why nothing ever just ran smoothly, why they ran into shit at every turn?

He boarded the Avenger and took his seat in the pilot’s chair. Then he decided that actually, Adi probably needed Sheppard’s aura more than his right now. So he stood up again, and sat instead on the dais next to Adi. She leaned against him softly, and he slid his arm around her shoulders and when John boarded the ship, he looked at them for a moment, met Lorne’s eyes, and then sat in the pilot’s seat without question. It wasn’t what they’d agreed, but clearly things had changed.

Adi leaned up against John’s leg, but then straightened up again, tilting her head up to him. “I need skin, Colonel,” she said softly. So John leaned down and quickly unlaced the top of his boot, pulling his trouser leg free and rolling it up. Adi leaned in again, running both of her arms around his calf, and resting her head against his knee, and once she was settled, John slid his hand down and wrapped it around the back of her neck.

After a moment, Adi reached out one of her arms and waggled it behind her until she found Evan, then she pulled him closer. He shuffled along until he was right beside her and she moved her hand down until she found his, lacing their fingers together. Then she slumped against John’s leg, going soft and limp.

John’s gaze met Evan’s, both of them showing their concern. But there was nothing to be done. So John thought the engines on, and lifted the Avenger up into the air, heading for home and safety.

Chapter Text

It had been a very long day, and John was very tired. He stood in his shower late that night, letting the hot water soothe him all over. He was pleased that they’d managed to restore off-world access for the Badagh – that whole process of harvesting a gate and DHD and setting them up on the planet had gone without a hitch. It had taken a while, what with all the flying through hyperspace from planet to planet, but that’d been fun too.

What hadn’t been fun was seeing the horrific abuse that tiny little boy on Badagh had suffered. John rolled his shoulders, stretching his head from side to side as the water continued to cascade down over his skin, running in rivulets down his chest, the usually curly hairs flattened under the force of the shower.

Adi had been like a tigress, defending the boy, refusing to let his father see him, managing to extract the kid for medical care. John had been to the infirmary to check on him. Carson had been nearly in tears giving him the update, but at the end of the day, everything was treatable. Natol would heal. Teyla had already agreed that the Athosians would give him a home, a loving family, a stable, warm, safe life. Adi had been sitting at Natol’s bedside while John was there, her hand hovering over his damaged body, healing his aura, bringing him back into balance. She hadn’t suggested the waterfall, and John wasn’t sure why. She’d been in real distress on the planet, and it was obvious that Natol’s aura was the wrong colour for her. John had looked up Corporal Parkes on the list and seen that his aura was predominantly yellow with splashes of orange. John wasn’t sure if the size of the person mattered when an aura was incompatible – he’d have to ask Adi some time.

He reached wearily for the soap and slowly started to wash himself. The support Adi had offered on the first three-hour flight had left him feeling full of beans. But that ninety-minute flight home, when she’d been suffering… he’d actually felt worse than any other time he’d flown. He thought perhaps she’d been drawing a lot of energy from him. Enough that she’d needed Lorne’s aura to support hers as well. He grimaced as he washed his armpits. She was very close to Lorne and he didn’t really like it. Not because it was Lorne, because John knew what an amazingly wonderful, kind-hearted, sweet-natured guy he was, great sense of humour, very capable and competent, caring… Well, Lorne had a really long list of good qualities where John was concerned. So he didn’t object to it being Lorne that Adi was close to. It was because she was close to someone that wasn’t John. He sighed. He knew Capeligan culture let you have multiple partners and no-one was supposed to mind. But he did. He did mind. He’d never felt jealous of Nancy while they’d been dating, or even once they were married. But he seemed to constantly find himself in a state of jealousy over Adi’s friendships.

Eventually he thought the shower off and slowly towelled himself dry. He dressed and slipped out of his quarters, off to do his final rounds for the night. He paused in the mess to grab a mug of hot coffee and a muffin – he was pretty sure Rodney would still be working. And when he reached the labs, Rodney was indeed sitting at his desk, hunched over his laptop, staring at the screen as his hand scrolled slowly up.

“Hey,” John said softly, and popped the coffee and muffin down next to Rodney, before hopping up onto the end of the desk, his legs swinging gently backwards and forwards.

Rodney’s head slowly turned towards John, but his eyes were still reading the screen. After a few moments his attention shifted, and he saw the coffee steaming quietly next to his elbow. He grabbed it and gulped it down, smiling widely at John when it was all gone. He picked up the muffin and began to peel the casing away. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” John said, his tone surprised. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“That kid. I saw him in the infirmary when I was there for my thumb.” He held up his hand in demonstration, a band-aid wrapped around the offending digit. “All covered in bruises and cuts and welts…” He shuddered. “I mean, I know my childhood was pretty crappy, but at least no-one hit me.” His eyes met John’s for a brief moment, and then skittered away.

“Yeah. My, um… my Dad used to hit me. Sometimes,” John said softly. “But not… not when I was little… not like that.”

“Teyla told me what happened. It seems Adi has a much more… definite side than we usually see. I think I would’ve been proud of her, standing up for the kid like that.”

John nodded. “I was,” he said, so softly Rodney barely heard him. Then John suddenly jumped down off the desk. “Get some sleep, Rodney. The city’s not sinking. You can have some downtime and it’s not going to hurt.” He smirked at him, and headed off, back towards his quarters.

He wondered if Adi was going to want to try touching tonight. All John wanted to do was sleep. And then he decided that actually, if that’s all he wanted, that’s all that would happen. Kate’s words were ringing in his mind, “You mustn’t do anything you’re not completely comfortable with. It won’t help Adi to see that you’re feeling unsettled, while trying to help her be less unsettled.”

He stopped in the hallway outside Adi’s room, then took a deep breath and thought the door open, slipping inside. She wasn’t there, just the note sitting on her pillow. She was on the pier. John stood for a moment, feeling undecided. How badly did he just want to sleep, versus how much better would it feel if he had Adi’s soft, warm, body snuggled against him?

Adi won. John retraced his steps to the transporter, and bounced his way to the South-West pier, emerging into the cool, crisp night air, and wending his way to the end of the pier. He called out, just before he triggered the alarm, and Adi sat up and lowered it for him. The green dome flickered for a second as she reset it, and then she was lying down again, and John collapsed onto the rugs at her side. “Hey,” he said, and she smiled at him. “I needed nature tonight, John.”

“I know. Can… can I…”

Adi lifted the top of the blankets, silently inviting him in. So John shucked his boots and slid in next to her, drawing her to him. She pulled her top off and so he unbuttoned his own top, removing both that and his t-shirt, giving her his skin. And then he just let his mind drift, only partially aware when Adi’s breathing evened out, and not even noticing when his own eyes closed, and sleep took him.

John came awake slowly the next morning, Adi’s soft warmth against his chest sending wafts of happiness through him. He liked waking up like this.

Adi stirred not long after, but aside from patting her hand lightly where it rested against his skin, she didn’t say anything, just blinked her eyes slowly and then rolled onto her other side, away from John, so she was facing the sunrise. John snuggled in close behind her, holding only his hips back, and settled himself to enjoying Adi’s soft body against his, while the tendrils of light struck his city.

After a while, he leaned forward slightly and kissed the side of her neck. He felt Adi stiffen momentarily, and pulled back a little. “Sorry,” he muttered, realising he’d just broken the rule about non-platonic touch.

But Adi snuggled backwards again, until her body was warm against his front. “I was just surprised, John, not distressed. You have often kissed me, but usually it is on the top of my head. You have never kissed my neck before.”

“Well, usually we’re standing up when I do that, so your head’s all I can reach.”

Adi laughed softly. “It felt nice, John. I liked it.”

John squeezed her lightly, wondering if that meant he should do it again. He decided that he should probably ask her. He was getting better at communicating embarrassing stuff. “Shall I do it again?”

In response, Adi tilted her head slightly, giving him access to more of her neck, and John felt his groin tighten, a whole lot more blood suddenly rushing down there. He took a moment to get himself under control, and then leaned forward again and placed a soft kiss at the top of her neck, just below her ear.

Adi shivered lightly, but didn’t pull away, so John repeated the kiss, and then added another, a little lower. Adi shivered again, and John’s lower body clenched in anticipation of more, so he pulled his head away, resting it back where it had been.

“I would like to try touching you again, John. In our special suite. And I would like you to touch me.” Adi’s voice was soft, but the words wafted into John’s consciousness, sending a flood of warmth right through him.

“Me too,” he said, his voice gruff.

Adi rolled back towards him, and John swiftly moved his groin out of the way. “I was scared of your hands the other night, John. So I thought perhaps we could start with feet, instead.”

John nodded. That made perfect sense to him.

“I will give you a foot massage, and then you may give me one. What do you think?”

“Sounds good. I’m free tonight,” John responded, “but right now, I need to go be the big, important, Military Commander of Atlantis.”

Adi laughed softly. “Of course. I do not wish to keep you from your duties.” She ran a hand softly down the side of his face, cupping his cheek. “Thank you for keeping me company last night.”

He smiled at her. “Nowhere I’d rather be,” he said, and then his eyes widened in shock. Had he really just said that? Suddenly John was sitting up, scrabbling for his clothes, pulling his t-shirt on. Then he was standing, pulling his BDU top on, buttoning up and tucking in.

Adi was just lying, watching him, no hint of worry or surprise or condemnation on her face, just gentle acceptance, and John suddenly stopped his hurried movements. “Sorry.”

Adi smiled at him. “You need not be. I hope you will enjoy your day, John.” She turned away, reaching for her top, then slipped out of the blankets and started to gather them up. John reached to lift some too.

“You need not stay to help me, John. I can easily do this myself.”

The panic that had struck John with his sappy words had slipped away in the face of Adi’s complete acceptance of who he was, and John reached down to add a pillow to the top of his pile. “It’s okay. I’m going your way.”

Adi laughed quietly and together they crossed the pier to her storeroom, before heading for the transporter and another busy day on Atlantis.

Adi made her way to the infirmary after breakfast. When the morning hug-in had begun, she’d actually managed to hug Sergeant Stackhouse and Miko, as well as Ronon. Ronon was much calmer than he’d been yesterday, his aura no longer rippling with rage and disgust, and she’d enjoyed the hug. Everyone else had happily accepted the hi-five gesture in lieu of a hug, and Adi was feeling calmer, happy that her community was accepting of her limitations and was letting her set the pace.

She looked around as she came into the infirmary, seeing Matthew still in a bed, slowly improving. He was still on oxygen, so she was not yet able to take him to the waterfall to see what healing she could effect, but Carson had suggested that in a couple more days he would give permission. She slipped across to Matthew’s bed first, pulling up a chair and taking his hand in hers. She had nothing to spare today to heal him with, but she knew he would not berate her for it. Matthew had proven to be a true friend, and Adi was so grateful that fate had brought him here to Atlantis.

He was sleeping, so she simply rested quietly at his side for ten minutes, looking at the wounds that adorned his body. She knew that the wormhole to Earth had been opened the afternoon before to send Corporals Jansi and Pritchard home for treatment, and that whether Matthew was permitted to remain in Atlantis or not would depend on her ability to reduce his injuries. She didn’t think she’d be able to heal him completely, as she had John. For all that he had a blue-green aura, she was learning that physical healing needed an even closer bond than that. She needed to be able to withstand the scratchy horrors of being well inside someone’s aura for a protracted period, and so far, that had only really been possible with John. She had done small amounts of true healing for Evan and Ronon, but only patching for anyone else. And she knew already that although Ronon’s aura was a closer match to her own colours than Evan’s, it was far easier for her to be inside Evan’s aura. She wasn’t sure why that was exactly, but the truth of it had been clearly felt when she’d been healing their injuries after the Genii ambush off-world.

Carson appeared at Matthew’s other side, fiddling with his IV. “Good morning to you, Adi. How are you feeling today?”

“I am well, Carson. Thank you. I hope you are the same. How is Matthew?”

“Well, I’m fairly happy with his progress. I expect we may be able to take him off oxygen later today, if his stats hold up. Then tomorrow morning, perhaps, you could try him in the waterfall. How does that sound?”

Adi beamed at him. “That sounds wonderful, Carson. Thank you.” She stood. “I am going to visit with Natol now. Is he in the little room at the back?”

Carson’s face darkened. “Aye, I thought he’d feel safer in his own space, rather than out here with all these big people around him.”

“Will he recover fully?” Adi asked, her tone a little fearful.

“Aye, I believe so. There’s bruising on his liver and kidneys, as well as all the more superficial damage that you can see with the naked eye. But the scan showed nothing wrong with his brain at all. His father seems to have left his head alone.”

“People could see his head, Carson. The rest of him was covered with clothing.”

“Aye,” Carson’s tone was grim. “Very true.”

Adi nodded and slipped away, heading for the room at the back. She opened the door and then stopped, because Dr Quinten was sitting at Natol’s bedside, his back to the door, reciting a poem. He didn’t seem to have noticed the door opening, because he didn’t falter at all with his recitation. Adi stood and listened.

And down by Kosioscko, where the pine-clad ridges raise
Their torn and rugged battlements on high,
Where the air is clear as crystal and the white stars fairly blaze
At midnight in the cold and frosty sky,
And where around the Overflow the reed-beds sweep and sway
To the breezes, and the rolling plains are wide,
The man from Snowy River is a household word today,
And the stockmen tell the story of his ride. (Last stanza of The Man From Snowy River by A.B. Patterson)

As he finished the poem, Dr Quinten turned in his seat to see who had come into the room. He froze when he saw it was Adi. “Oh, um, I should, um…” He swallowed and started to stand.

“Would… would you mind waiting outside for a few minutes? I will not be long,” Adi said, her voice a little tremulous. She hadn’t been this close to Dr Quinten since he’d apologised to her in Dr Heightmeyer’s office three days before and it was a little unsettling to see him now. But he lived here, in Atlantis, as did she. And her reflections had led her to the conclusion that he hadn’t meant to assault her, or accost her, or even scare her. And she was very touched to see him here, reciting poems to a little orphan boy from another planet, helping him to feel safe and wanted. But she couldn’t bear the thought of entering this room while he was in it. He could so easily shut the door and trap her here. She moved back, away, sliding to the side, out of reach. And Dr Quinten very gently exited the room, crossing to the other side of the infirmary and taking a seat.

Adi nodded at him, and then entered. “Hello, Natol,” she said, as she sat down beside him. His big eyes were watching her every move, and she saw the ghost of a smile on his face. “Do you remember me? I am Adi. I was with you on the planet yesterday. And I am very pleased to see you today. Did you manage to get some sleep?”

The little boy nodded at her. Then he reached out his hand and put it in Adi’s. She grasped it lightly. “That is wonderful to hear. I slept well too. Atlantis is a very safe place, Natol. No-one will hurt you here. I will be going off-world later this morning. So I will perhaps not see you again today. But I will try to come and visit you tomorrow.”

His hand had shifted in hers, turning so he could grip her hand tightly.

“You cannot come with me today,” she said gently, “but when you are well, I would dearly love to take you to my planet, Natol, and let you see where I grew up. My people were very loving, and none of our children were ever hurt the way you have been. Would you like to explore my world with me? See my home, pat the impilli with me? Play in the river?”

Natol nodded again, and Adi was sure that was a smile on his face now. He gave very little away in terms of expression and she hoped he would be able to learn how to interact, now that he was safe. She squeezed his hand. “I shall look forward to it, Natol. And now I must slip away. I have many things to do today.” Touching his aura was challenging her, sending sparks of discomfort all across her. She could not remain much longer.

She stood up, then leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Be well, Natol. I shall see you tomorrow.”

As she loosened his hand from hers, he made a sound and Adi looked up, startled. “Can you say that again, Natol? I did not hear what you said.”

“A-ee.” It was very soft, but Adi’s eyes filled with tears.

“Oh,” she breathed. “Yes. That is my name. I am Adi.” She reached down and very, very gently gave him a hug. “Thank you for speaking to me, Natol. This is a very precious moment.” She drew back and looked down at him. “You will be safe here. I shall ask Dr Quinten to return to your side. Perhaps he will share another poem with you. And Carson will be in shortly to see how your wounds are healing. I spent much time here myself, when I first came to Atlantis. Everyone is kind here, Natol. I shall see you tomorrow.”

And then she slipped out of the room, the tears still sparkling in her eyes. Sergeant Stackhouse was in the main infirmary, receiving an update on the medical condition of the injured marines, and he saw her emerge from Natol’s room and came straight across to her. He’d seen Dr Quinten sitting to the side, and had wondered why he was there. And now, as he came close to Adi, he saw the tears, and his posture grew rigid. “Adi? What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did Dr Quinten…?”

Adi put a hand on his arm. “I am perfectly fine, Sergeant. These tears were not caused by Dr Quinten. He did nothing to me. It was Natol… he spoke my name.” Stackhouse smiled at her, not really understanding the significance, but pleased that Adi was happy.

Keeping her hand on Stackhouse’s arm, Adi bent to the side to see around him and called, “Dr Quinten. I am finished in Natol’s room now.” Then she straightened up. “May I have a hug, Sergeant?”

“Sure, Adi. Anytime.” Hugging Adi was a privilege and a pleasure, but Stackhouse always let her initiate the contact, not wanting to take any liberties with her.

Adi remained in the embrace for a good few minutes, letting the calming blend of aura energies from the Sergeant quieten the distress to her aura caused by touching Natol. When she finally drew back, her tears had cleared. “Thank you. Natol’s aura is quite the wrong colour for me. And now I have things I must do.” She nodded at him and slipped out of the infirmary. She was rostered to Botany this morning, and was already quite late.

Shortly after lunch, Adi joined Major Lorne and Miko in the gate room. Miko was carrying a laptop, and Evan had his easel with him, an unused canvas under his arm, and a backpack on his back – no doubt full of art supplies. Adi had nothing with her except her mind. Her contribution would be the understanding of the pethri habits, how to determine when it was safe to remove eggs, and which birds could be taken.

Colonel Sheppard was standing in the Control Room, leaning against the balcony watching them, as Chuck dialled the gate. Adi smiled up at him, but it was the sort of smile she might have given Radek or Matthew. A friendship smile, a public smile. One that wouldn’t highlight their relationship. He reflected once again how she was so accepting of his need to keep this quiet, how she did so much to hide how well they knew each other.

He sighed, wishing he was going with her. After that naked-hug she’d shared with Lorne yesterday on Badagh, and the way she’d held his hand, fingers entwined, all the way home, John was back to feeling uncomfortable about their relationship, their closeness. He would have swapped back, asked Lorne to stay behind, but Elizabeth had roped him into finishing off the meeting about performance reviews and succession planning that had been interrupted the morning after the whole mess with Dr Quinten. So he stayed and watched as Adi left Atlantis, Major Lorne at her side, and then turned away, heading for Elizabeth’s office and an afternoon of boredom.

Adi wasn’t feeling bored. She stepped out of the event horizon and drew in a deep, deep breath, letting it out slowly as a smile overtook her face. As much as Atlantis had become home, this, here, Capeliga, this was where her soul was most settled and happy.

Miko came to stand beside her, looking around with interest. It was only her second visit to the planet that Atlantis now farmed, and the last time she'd been here, she'd arrived by puddle jumper.

“Shall we?” Major Lorne said, and led the way from the gate to the village.

It was only a few minutes travel in a jumper, but on foot it took a good half hour of walking at a decent pace. Adi didn’t mind. Her aura was still greatly troubled from her actions of the day before – using her own energies to heal the terrible damage to Natol’s aura while dealing with the clashing of the colours, the shock of seeing his father’s evil, sludgy aura. It had all drained her own energies, and despite the naked hug with Evan in the gate clearing, drawing on both John and Evan during the flight home, and sleeping on the pier, in nature, with John’s skin against her own, she was still feeling out of sorts. Touching Natol again this morning had been like rubbing salt into a wound, and although she’d not let him see it, it had been very difficult for her to hug him… but he had said her name, he had spoken, for the first time in his life, and it just hadn’t been the sort of moment she could ignore. And then of course, she’d had to be near Dr Quinten, interact with him… she sighed and put her arms out to the side, letting the light breeze ruffle gently against her skin as she walked through the dappled sunlight beneath the rich green canopy of the forest.

They emerged from the forest at the edge of the orchards and continued onwards. Adi offered to help Evan carry his art supplies, and eventually he agreed, handing her the canvas. Evan and Miko had been having a friendly conversation about art, but Adi had been listening with only half an ear, more focussed on healing herself.

They found the marines in the fields, spreading manure around the emerging seedlings. Evan called them all in to wash their hands, and then they spent a good three hours in the Pethri fields, learning how to use the computer program, and then learning how to line that up with what they were seeing on the ground.

Adi had been in the thick of all the describing and teaching and showing, and by the end of it, she was really feeling a strong need to be alone, away from others. Miko had opted to return immediately to Atlantis, and Evan offered Adi the same choice.

“I would much prefer to remain here, Major, if I may do so, please? I would like the chance to replenish my aura, and I can return with you later, when your painting is complete.”

And so it was decided. One of the marines accompanied Miko towards the gate, the rest headed back to the village for lunch before returning to the fields, and Evan turned to Adi. “I’m going to take my painting gear up to the ledge by the cave and paint the view from there. Did you want to come with me, and rest up there while I paint?”

Adi shook her head. “No. I would prefer to visit with the impilli, and then, perhaps, lie in the river for a while, where the rapids are, and spend some time in the clearing by my home. I will strip off there and let the sunshine play on my skin, let the wind blow over all of me.”

Evan’s brow furrowed. “Um… well, I’d really rather you weren’t alone. It doesn’t sound very safe. I was going to detail one of the marines to accompany you, but if you’re planning on being naked a lot…” His voice trailed off.

“Oh, no, Evan, please. I just wish to be alone in nature. I am very overloaded. This is my home. I will be quite safe here on my own.”

Evan sighed. He was torn. He could see Adi’s point, and if she planned to roam around naked, then he didn’t want one of the marines near her. But he couldn’t stay with her himself and paint a landscape. And to tell the truth, he was looking forward to some alone time too. “In our culture, we don’t usually let our women wander around naked by themselves in the great outdoors, Adi,” he said gently.

She put her hand on his arm. “In my culture, to be naked in nature was very normal, and no-one would even notice if I were to go without clothes. Please, do not make me have a guard. There is no-one here but your people, and they are all busy in the fields, and it is my home.”

Evan nodded, capitulating. He wasn’t sure the Colonel would be best pleased with him leaving Adi to her own devices, but he could totally see her point. It wouldn’t be restful at all for her to have a marine tracking her every move.

And so they parted company, Evan to carry his painting gear up to the cliff path and spend his afternoon painting a peaceful, rural scene, and Adi to replenish her soul in her own way.

John had fidgeted his way to the end of the dreaded performance appraisals and had duly given his attention to succession planning. At least Elizabeth had a good handle on who needed to do what and why. Eventually it was over, and he’d managed to escape down to the labs to visit with Rodney and play lightswitch for a couple of hours. He’d just returned to his office and was opening his emails when the gate alarm sounded, and Chuck announced the incoming wormhole.

John stood immediately and made his way out to the Control Room. Miko emerged from the event horizon, a gentle smile on her face at returning safely home, but Adi did not appear. Although he was disappointed, John wasn’t actually surprised. He’d assumed she’d want to stay on her home world and spend some time in nature. The last week had been very hard on her.

He quickly descended the steps and caught up to Miko as she headed towards the labs. “How did it go?”

“Oh, Colonel Sheppard, I did not see you there. It was very successful I believe. The marines grasped the computer program with little difficulty, and Adi spent quite some time helping them to understand what information to record and how to find all of the nests.”

“Excellent. So she and Lorne have stayed on Capeliga then?”

Miko nodded. “Yes, Adi said that she wished to replenish her aura, and of course the Major had his painting equipment with him.”

“Cool. Thanks, Miko.” She nodded as she walked away, and John returned to his office, thinking of Lorne and Adi, alone together on Capeliga. He glanced at the time and did a quick calculation. Capeliga was around five hours behind Atlantis, so it must be almost midday there now. He assumed that Lorne would take a few hours to paint the landscape John had asked for, so perhaps they’d be home around 2100hrs Lantean time. John turned his attention back to his emails.

It was about an hour later that the power suddenly went out in John’s office – both the computer and the overhead lights. He stood and felt his way out onto the Control Deck and saw the whole control room was in darkness as well. He tapped his radio. “McKay? What the hell just happened?”

“How would I know that? Give me a moment to find out which idiot did what!” Rodney’s snarkiness was at full power and John spared a brief thought for the hapless scientist who was about to get a roasting.

But he was distracted by Chuck.

“Colonel Sheppard, Sir? I can’t engage the gate shield.”

“Shit!” John said, then tapped his radio again. “Rodney, the gate shield won’t engage. Is the power going to be back on in the next ten seconds? Because otherwise we need to take the gate offline so no-one can infiltrate the city.”

“I’m on it! I’m on it!” came the sharp reply, and a minute later John saw Rodney arriving at the run. He came to a stop at the DHD console, immediately dropped to his knees and started dismantling things. After a couple of minutes, he sighed, and slid out from under the console. “Right. It’s disabled. No-one can dial in. Now excuse me while I go and shout at some minions.”

“Rodney?” That was Elizabeth. “Can you please give me an update on the situation?”

“One of my idiots was running maintenance on the power distribution matrix and they spilled their coffee into the ten-thousand-year-old wiring. This may take a while.”

“And by 'a while', you mean?” John asked.

“Hours!” Rodney said, his voice beyond frustrated. “Hours and hours and hours. Excuse me.” He pushed past John, and disappeared, his voice floating back to them, berating someone over his radio.

“Who do we have off-world, Colonel?” Elizabeth asked.

“There’s the science mission on P5X-968, and I’ve got a dozen marines on P2R-473 helping with their harvest. And then there’s the contingent on Capeliga – and Major Lorne and Adi are there too, of course.” He kept his tone neutral, just reciting the facts, no concern showing.

Elizabeth nodded. “Well, the science team had planned for several days’ stay, and I’m sure the harvesters can arrange accommodation for the night. And we’ve made Capeliga as safe as it can be – they have the cave to retreat to in an emergency. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. I gather we’re not going to be operational again until some time tomorrow.”

“I’m kinda hoping McKay was just doing his doom and gloom dance.”

Elizabeth sighed. “He sounded very serious to me.”

“Yeah,” John acknowledged. “That was definitely his pissed off tone. I’ll go check on progress, make sure he doesn’t injure the minion that spilt the coffee.”

“You do that,” Elizabeth said, and retreated back into her office.

2100hrs had come and gone. So had 2200hrs, and 2300hrs was now looming. John sighed. Rodney had said hours and hours and hours, and apparently, he’d meant it. Zelenka had taken a few moments away from the repair work to explain the full extent of the issue, and to morosely confirm that it was probably going to take well more than twelve hours to fix, and possibly much longer than that. The coffee had sparked a fire, and the damage to the wiring was extensive, even though the culprit had managed to grab the fire extinguisher and douse the flames before they could spread beyond the one room.

Rodney had eventually grown sick of John’s hovering and had berated him into leaving, so now he was lurking on Adi’s forest balcony, all alone and feeling quite desperate. What he had been fearing for a while now was suddenly right in front of him.

He knew that Adi and Lorne were really close, he knew that Lorne’s feelings went way beyond professional concern, or even friendly support. That’d been really obvious in the past week. And whilst he didn’t know for sure what Adi felt for Lorne, she sure as hell let him really, really close. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, trying to calm himself down.

But the feelings of desolation wouldn’t go away. He didn’t want to lose her. He didn’t want Lorne stepping into the breach and sweeping Adi away with practiced charm. And he could. Lorne was so capable and strong and confident… and then he’d have to watch Lorne, the man he loved, wooing Adi, the woman he loved, and he, himself, would be stuck on the outside looking in at what he could’ve had, if he’d only been better at expressing himself, more willing to expose what he was feeling to other people… if only DADT didn’t exist.

John stared out into the night, tension thrumming through his whole body. Damn Adi for healing his aura and making him feel his emotions. He’d much rather be completely suppressing this shit right now, hiding all this emotional crap down inside him. But instead, it was overwhelming him, not letting him get a foothold, leaving him in a swirl of uncertainty…

What he wanted to do was take his shiny spaceship and fly to Capeliga and rescue Adi from Lorne’s clutches. But since he couldn’t think of a single tactical reason for needing to do that, he couldn’t really justify revealing the location of their support farm for his own personal crisis. He clutched the balcony railing tightly in his hands. Adi was alone at nightfall on a planet full of marines that she’d be scared of, with only Lorne to bolster her courage. She was going to sleep with him. She was going to…

He swung around at a sound behind him, and saw Teyla crossing the balcony towards him. Her face held concern. “John, I have been seeking you all over Atlantis. Rodney said you were hovering more than normal. Is everything all right?”

John nodded jerkily, and turned back to face the ocean.

Teyla came alongside him. “You are worried for Adi. But John, she is on her home world, and Major Lorne is at her side. No harm will befall her.”

John huffed out a breath. Lorne being beside her was exactly the problem!

Teyla gazed at him, seeing far more than John was meaning to show. Her voice was gentle as she asked, “Do you fear that Adi will not cope, being trapped off-world all night? Or do you fear that she will cope perfectly well, because Major Lorne will offer her the protection of his arms as she sleeps, as you did?”

John’s head jerked up and his startled eyes met Teyla’s. He quickly averted his gaze, but not before Teyla had seen the depth of his fear.

“Do you doubt Adi’s affection for you, John? Do you fear that she will turn to Major Lorne?”

After several moments of silence, John nodded jerkily. Teyla always seemed to see straight through him anyway, and he really needed someone to talk to right now. “She… she hugs him… all the time… and he—he can talk to her and he’s… he’s always…” He stuttered to a stop, unable to say any of the other things he feared – that Lorne was already in pretty deep with his feelings, that Adi responded to Lorne at the drop of a hat, that she’d naked-hugged him on Badagh the day before, that she’d shared deeply personal information with him, that he was the better choice for her…

“I have seen her hug you too, John, and I believe that you give her a great deal of affection and comfort. And I know that she speaks very freely with you. That she also does these things with Major Lorne does not mean that she values what you are offering any less.”

John shook his head. “She… he…”

Teyla put her hand on his arm. “John, Major Lorne is an honourable man, and he cannot be unaware of your feelings. He works in close proximity to you, and I believe he will have noticed your…attachment. I think it unlikely that he will attempt to form a closer bond with Adi, while he believes you to be in a relationship.”

“But… what if… what if she…” John’s voice tapered away as he hunched his shoulders.

Teyla was nodding gently. “Ah, because of her culture, you fear that Adi will form a secondary attachment as she described to us when we first went to Capeliga?”

John nodded miserably. “I—I don’t want… to lose her,” he whispered.

“I do not believe there is any risk of you losing her at all, John. I have seen the bond that you and Adi share, and I do not believe that she will lightly throw that aside. But… I have also noticed the fondness that is developing between Adi and Major Lorne.” Teyla sighed. “You must consider Adi’s context in this, John. She has described her culture to us – touch was free and easy amongst her people, everyone was a friend and affection was easily given. This might be nothing more than Adi having found someone with a compatible aura that she feels she can trust. There are not many people here that she can turn to for support, John. And she cannot be unaware that you trust Major Lorne, and this has quite likely coloured her own judgement.” Teyla paused, but when John stayed silent, she drew a breath and continued, her voice soft and gentle. “It is also true that sometimes such feelings of trust and comfort can grow to be more, and so it is possible that at some point in the future, Adi may wish to expand her bonding group as is the way of her people, and at that time, you must decide if you will be willing to share her affections.

John grimaced, tightening his hold on the railing. “I don’t… want… to share her, Teyla.”

“It is quite outside your cultural understanding,” Teyla said, her voice full of compassion. “But Adi is not of your culture, John. She comes from a very different way of life, and has never had to put aside feelings of affection – she may see nothing wrong with forming a secondary attachment. You will need to decide if you’re willing to meet her part way, to try and find a way that you can both be happy in your relationship.”

John stayed silent and eventually Teyla spoke again. “I don’t believe that you need worry about this now, John, not tonight. Adi’s experiences with Dr Quinten are still far too fresh in her mind, and Major Lorne is aware of that. I believe all that will happen, is that Major Lorne will offer sufficient protection that Adi will feel she can sleep in safety.”

When John still didn’t speak, Teyla sighed. “Worrying about this will not change the outcome. I am glad that Adi has the support and protection of someone she trusts. I believe that she will find nightfall quite challenging, even with that support. And she will be worried for you, and for all her friends here in Atlantis. But tomorrow, when she returns, you would do well to speak with her of your concerns, John. Something like this, if unaddressed, will certainly fester and create problems.”

She turned to John and pulled him gently to face her, leaning her head forward and waiting until eventually he settled his forehead against hers.

“Thanks, Teyla,” he whispered.

“You are welcome, John. I am quite confident in the depth of Adi’s affection for you, and I believe that you will be too, if you will only look into your heart.”

She left him then and John turned back to the railing. That was the longest emotional conversation he’d ever had with anyone other than Adi. It’d felt weird to talk to Teyla about such incredibly personal things, but the fact that he’d actually managed to convey his concerns really surprised him. That was the aura healing, he was sure of it. And maybe practice as well. And Teyla was right. There was nothing he could do tonight. Whatever was happening on Capeliga would happen whether he wanted it to or not.

He sighed and turned away, heading back to where Rodney and Zelenka were doing their best to repair the damage.

He mulled over Teyla’s words as he crossed the city, and by the time he was closing on the Power Distribution room he’d decided that Teyla was right about something else, too. Given the situation, and how much Adi had had to deal with in the last week, he was grateful that she had someone she trusted by her side tonight.

Chapter Text

The long afternoon was drawing to a close as Lorne wiped off his brushes and started to pack away his painting gear. He glanced again at the painting on his easel. He was very happy with it. The sun had been at the perfect angle, lighting the tips of the trees, providing a warm glow that he’d managed to capture, bringing the picture to life, making it speak of carefree, sunny days and happiness, of friends and safety. It was perfect for Adi’s boudoir.

He’d spent a lot of time thinking as he’d painted, and had managed to find some balance. Adi was still treating him just the same, regardless of what may or may not have happened with the Colonel in that suite. She’d given him a beautiful hug on the Avenger before they’d set off on their journey, she'd come to him for comfort on Badagh, needing him, needing his skin, his support, and then, even though she’d been leaning against Sheppard and had his hand on her skin, she’d still reached for Evan, had taken his own hand in hers, and had held onto him all the way home. There was still room for him in her life, and he was happy with that. He’d known he could only have friendship, and that was still being very freely offered.

Evan squeezed the last of the brushes into his backpack and settled it on his back. Then he very carefully picked up the easel with the still wet painting on it, and began the long walk back to the village.

As he came along the cliff path closer to the village, he could see the marines working in the fields, and he made his way down towards the houses, slipping his backpack and the easel with its precious burden inside the closest complete house. He needed to locate Adi. There was maybe an hour of sunlight left on Capeliga, but he knew it was getting late on Atlantis. He did a quick calculation as he headed towards the bridge over the river… it must be past 2200hrs at home. He and Adi really needed to get going. They’d stayed longer than he’d intended.

He was almost at the river when a movement caught his eye, and he stopped, before continuing slowly to the middle of the bridge. Adi was lying in the river, just a little way above the bridge, her head resting on a rock, her hands gently waving back and forth in the rushing water, totally naked, with a very peaceful smile on her face. Her eyes were closed and the water was cascading over her body, the sunshine creating ripples of light all over her. He stood for a moment, thinking he would dearly love to catch this image on canvas… ‘A woman at peace with nature’.

Then he remembered the time and cleared his throat, and Adi’s eyes flew open, her head lifting off the rock. She smiled when she saw him, a gloriously happy smile, and then she carefully stood up and waded out of the river towards a small pile of clothes. It took her only a moment to wipe most of the water from her skin and dress herself and then she was coming towards him.

Evan had stayed on the bridge, not wanting her to feel uncomfortable if he closed on her while she was naked. Although, from what he’d seen, Adi had no problems at all with being naked around people. She dropped her clothes easily and unselfconsciously, and he found himself wondering again about her culture. What if the Lanteans had actually come to visit this planet before the Wraith had culled it? Would they have found dozens of naked people roaming around, enjoying the touch of nature on their skin, enjoying each other’s bodies in full view? How would the visiting team have reacted to that? There was no way of knowing, and he sighed for another culture, lost forever in Pegasus.

But then Adi had reached him, and the smile was still there, full of joy, full of serenity, and he smiled back, liking to see her so happy and relaxed.

Adi was happy and relaxed. She’d spent a wonderful afternoon in her home. She’d visited with the impilli, spending almost an hour patting and stroking her favourites amongst the herd, and had then retreated through the forest to her cottage. There she’d rested on the verandah, rocking softly backwards and forwards, listening to the burbling brook, the wind in the trees, the calls of the birds as they flew past, and the buzz of insects busy at their work. Her eyes had rested lightly on the vivid array of colours in her garden, noticing new buds on bushes, fully open flowers on others, immersing herself in the tranquillity of her home. Eventually, she’d made her gentle way to the river, and had lain herself down in her own special nook amongst the rapids and just let the water flow over her, replenishing her aura, replenishing her soul, carrying away all the stresses of the past week.

When she’d opened her eyes to see Evan on the bridge, her heart had lifted with joy, and she’d happily arisen from the water and dressed, making her way to him. It seemed so natural to simply keep walking, right into his embrace, and so she had, laying her head against his heart, feeling his arms sliding around her body, holding her against his warmth. She breathed deeply, happily, feeling such a degree of contentment here, in her home, it was almost overwhelming.

Eventually she drew back and smiled at him. “I have had a wonderful afternoon, Evan. Did you enjoy yourself as well?”

They turned as one and headed back towards the village, as Evan told her of his quiet time, alone with his paints. When they reached the houses, Evan slipped inside to retrieve his painting and backpack and Adi stood and admired his creation while Evan quickly tapped his radio, informing the marines that he and Adi were leaving.

Then, carefully carrying the easel with the painting balanced in place, he led the way back to the gate. Adi was quiet at his side, but it was a restful silence, a quiet companionship, and Evan was feeling very calm as they came into the gate clearing. He placed the easel down beside the DHD – Adi coming forward to protect it from falling – as he dialled Atlantis.

The gate wouldn’t engage.

He dialled again. Nothing.

A third time. Nothing.

Each time the chevrons lit, then fizzled out.

He turned to look at Adi, and saw fear all over her face. “It doesn’t mean anything, Adi,” he said. “It doesn’t mean they’re under attack.” But, of course, that’d been his first thought, and clearly Adi was on the same page.

He turned back to the DHD and dialled the Alpha site, and the wormhole engaged with a whoosh of blue, settling easily to a rippling event horizon, and he gazed at it for a moment, before activating his radio and trying to raise someone on the other side. But they didn’t keep a permanent presence on the Alpha site, and no-one responded.

He shut the wormhole down and thought for a minute, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. Then he turned to Adi. “Okay. What we know – we can dial the Alpha site, so there’s nothing wrong with the DHD or gate here on Capeliga. We can’t dial Atlantis, so the problem’s on their end. What we don’t know, is what’s actually caused the problem. And Adi, it could be anything. It could be routine maintenance that’s taking longer than expected, or maybe there’s some refugees coming in, or maybe one of our allies called for help, and the gate’s open because we’re sending troops off-world right now.”

He turned back and dialled Atlantis again, but there was still nothing.

“Evan,” Adi said carefully, “what if they are under attack?”

“There’s nothing we can do, Adi. But remember, Colonel Sheppard’s there, and he’s got Dr McKay right there beside him, and between them, they can defeat anything that Pegasus throws our way.”

Adi laughed a little tremulously. “I can just hear Rodney shouting at everyone to get out of his way while he saves the day!”

“Yeah,” Evan smiled in response. “They’re a good team, Adi, and they’ve got the might of Atlantis behind them. They’ll be okay.”

Adi nodded. “So what do we do?”

“Well, the longest a wormhole can stay open is thirty-eight minutes, so I think we stay here long enough for a full cycle. We can try dialling again, every so often, but if we still can’t get through after that, then I guess we’re staying the night here. It’s not a problem. There’s plenty of food, the marines are here so there’s lots of protection and we’ve got the gate alarm… the caves to retreat to…” He was trying to be reassuring, having seen the look on Adi’s face when he said they’d have to stay the night, but he could see it wasn’t working.

Adi swallowed but nodded. Then she gestured at the DHD. “Maybe it will work now. We cannot tell when their thirty-eight minutes began.”

Evan dutifully turned back to the DHD and tried dialling again, but the chevrons just fizzled out. “Let’s find somewhere to sit.” He lifted the easel and carried it across to the trees, finding a comfortably wide trunk to rest his back against. Adi came and sat opposite him, her legs folded beneath her, gazing at the ground. She didn’t seem to be in much of a talking mood, so Evan left her to her quiet introspection, while his own mind raced through all the worst-case scenarios for why the Atlantis gate wasn’t accepting their call.

Darkness fell completely as they waited, and eventually Evan levered himself up from the ground and walked back to the DHD. But there was still no response. He sighed.

“Well, now for the worst part,” he said, his tone wry. “I have to lug my easel and painting gear all the way back to the village.”

Adi smiled gently. “I shall carry the backpack for you, Major, so that you may focus all your attention on that very cumbersome easel.”

“It’s okay, Adi. I was just complaining.”

“I wish to help, Evan. Please.”

So Evan passed her the backpack and she put it on, pulling the straps tighter to fit her diminutive frame. The backpack bulged out behind her, but she didn’t seem to be having any problems handling the weight or shape of the load, so Evan picked up the easel and they started the half hour walk back to the village. It was dark underneath the canopy of trees as they made their way through the forest, but Adi didn’t falter at all. The second time Evan stumbled a little on the uneven track, he stopped and pulled out his torch. He didn’t want to drop the wet painting face down in the dirt. And so they made their way back towards the village, the light of the torch wavering in front of them.

Evan stopped a few minutes from the village and radioed the marines, letting them know they were coming. He didn’t want to be mistaken for an enemy infiltration. And then they were there, in the heart of the village, the fire burning warmly in the fire pit, the marines relaxing on the logs around the edge, eating their evening meal.

Once the easel, painting and backpack had been stowed back indoors, Evan drew Adi out to join the marines around the fire. She’d grown very pensive, and he was a bit worried about her. But he ladled out two bowls of stew from the central pot, and brought one over to her, and she took it with a small smile.

The marines were chatting and laughing, relaxing after their day of labour in the fields, but Adi jumped slightly every time there was a louder laugh, a more raucous response. Some of their jokes were sexual in nature as well, and she was not finding it at all comfortable to be near them.

Adi didn’t know these marines very well. There was a Sergeant she’d met for the first time this afternoon, and nine Corporals – seven of them male. None of the marines here were blue-green and she hadn’t really interacted with any of them on Atlantis. And now she was stuck here for the night with these men, while John may be in dreadful danger on Atlantis. Evan had said that it would be obvious to the gate technicians that there was a problem with the gate, and so they would dial Capeliga as soon as they’d sorted out the issue. But even with his attempts to keep her spirits up, Adi’s mood had gone from happy and calm to tense and worried and she wasn’t at all looking forward to trying to weather the night hours here, amongst these almost strangers.

After she’d eaten her stew, and had some of the steamed pudding Evan brought her, she’d seen him sending two of the marines off into the darkness, and assumed he’d asked them to have another try at getting the gate to work. She hoped it would. She eyed the houses about her with trepidation. Last time she’d slept here, she’d had John’s arms around her, Ronon, Teyla and Rodney nearby, and she’d known several of the marines that were with them. This time she only had Evan, and she wasn’t at all sure that he’d be willing to sleep with her in his arms, where his men would see, be aware. And even then… she couldn’t imagine being able to fall asleep with all these strangers about her.

Perhaps it would be best if she went to her cottage. She didn’t think she’d sleep well there, either, but at least she wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally drowsing off surrounded by all these men, worry about what might happen if she inadvertently slept, or roused suddenly to find herself with these unfamiliar marines around her. They’d been working in the fields all day, and they stank of sweat, just as the Bola Kai had. It hadn’t been so obvious, earlier in the day, out in the pethri field. The wind had been blowing away from her, and they hadn’t been very close to her, all at once, all of them. But here, sitting grouped around her as they were, the smell of their bodies was very strong. Usually, on Atlantis, she was able to push such thoughts away, not let the rank smell bother her when she occasionally encountered it.

But Dr Quinten had smelled like this, too, the stress of his declaration causing his body to sweat, and he’d trapped her and spoken of orgies and sex and wanting her and he’d been aroused and he’d touched her and… Adi drew a deep breath and suddenly stood, moving away from the fire, away from the marines, and off into the darkness, running the moment she was past the houses. The darkness didn’t bother her, her night vision was very good, and this was her home.

She was standing in the middle of the impilli field, surrounded by her furry friends, patting Teu and talking of her fears, when she saw the light of a torch approaching. “Who is there?” she called out, her voice fearful.

“It’s just me, Adi,” Evan’s calm voice called back, and Adi whimpered in relief.

The torch came closer and closer and then Adi could see Evan himself, and it was just him, there was no-one with him, and she felt immediately safer.

Evan approached very slowly, very carefully. He’d seen Adi leave the fire as he’d been talking to some of the marines, but he’d assumed she was just attending to the call of nature. When she hadn’t returned though, he’d started to worry. It bothered him that his first reaction had been to count the marines around the fire, but it was the truth. Something about Adi just seemed to draw bad luck, and he’d been unbelievably relieved that everyone was accounted for, just the two Corporals he’d sent to re-try the gate were missing, and they’d responded to his radio call, saying they were almost at the gate. So then he’d tried to decide where Adi – a distressed Adi, because he hadn’t missed the way she’d been flinching and drawing in on herself – would go to calm herself and feel safe. He’d first made his way across the bridge and to her own house, but she hadn’t been there, so then he’d thought to try the impilli field.

“It’s okay, Adi,” he called out as he came closer. There were animals everywhere, clustered in around her, and she was patting one of them, her hand stroking over and over again down its head, her other arm laid across its back. “It’s only me. I was worried when you didn’t come back to the fire.”

He was close now, close enough to see Adi’s expression, and his heart clenched at the fear he saw there. “What happened, Adi?” he asked softly. “What scared you?”

“They smell,” she whispered.

Evan sniffed. He could smell manure – obviously – but the impilli themselves just had a natural, farm animal sort of smell about them.

Adi let out a short laugh. “Not the impilli, Evan, the marines.”

He laughed too, glad to see that her mood seemed to have lightened a little. “Oh. Ohhh. Because they’ve been working in the fields and they’re sweaty?” Evan hadn’t really noticed. Long years in the military had taught him to ignore things like that. You worked hard, your body sweated, it smelt, move on. But clearly Adi had noticed.

“Yes,” Adi said in a small voice. “They smell like the Bola Kai… like Dr Quinten.” He saw her shudder in the torch light, and he took a step closer. Adi swayed backwards and he stopped.

“Do I smell too, Adi?”

She wrinkled her brow. “Probably. I hadn’t noticed. You always smell safe, Evan. You smell—” she shrugged as she finished the thought, “—safe.”

Evan tucked that thought away inside his heart. He smelt safe. But he also made a mental note to always shower after a heavy workout, before going near Adi.

“So you felt unsafe around the fire, because the marines have all been sweating?”

Adi sniffed and nodded. “Yes. I… it made me remember… the Bola Kai… Dr Quinten…” Her voice trailed away.

“I’m sorry those memories were bothering you, Adi. I’m not really sure what I can do to help, though. I can’t make the marines shower. You guys didn’t really have indoor plumbing.”

Adi nodded. “I know. I just… I just needed…” She gave Teu a last pat and pushed her way out through the impilli, coming up beside Evan. “Did the gate work? When you sent the marines?”

Evan shook his head. “No. Same deal. No connection.”

Adi sighed.

Evan was eyeing her, wondering about the best sleeping arrangement. He hadn’t thought to question the fact that John and his team were sleeping in a separate house with Adi the last time he’d been here. But now the reason for that was starting to become obvious. He turned and encouraged Adi back towards the village. “How, um, how do you want to sleep tonight?”

Adi glanced at him briefly, then down at the ground. “I will go to my cottage, Evan. I won’t sleep, but I will feel safer away from the marines.” She paused. “I don’t know any of them. They are all strangers to me.”

“Yeah, I noticed that. No blue-greens, right?”

Adi shook her head. “And I don’t really recognise any of them. They are not from your team or Sergeant Stackhouse’s team, or from the kitchen…”

Evan grimaced. He and Colonel Sheppard had actually rostered some of the marines who were new to the Pegasus Galaxy for this rotation, thinking that they could do the hard labour of setting up the farm and getting the fields cleared and planted and fertilised, and clear the rubble from the houses, before the more worn and jaded troops were sent for a refreshing country break. None of these marines would be familiar to Adi, nor she to them.

“Okay, we’ll sleep in your cottage, then.”

Adi stopped. “I do not need your company, Evan. You should remain with your troops.”

Evan stared at her. “Adi… there’s no way I’m letting you wander off into the forest to sleep alone in a cottage by yourself. I’ll come too.” When she stayed silent, he went on. “Look, I’m not suggesting I actually sleep with you. I’ll sleep on the floor, or on the verandah if you prefer. But I’m not leaving you out there alone. Anything could happen.”

And suddenly, the fear was back in Adi’s eyes, and he realised she hadn’t thought of one of the marines actually making their way through the dark to find her, alone and unprotected, in her cottage.

“I don’t believe any one of my men would hurt you, Adi, or try anything. But I’m still not willing to leave you alone out there. You don’t have door locks like you do in Atlantis, you don’t have your proximity alarm. But you have me.” He reached out his hand and put it gently on her shoulder. “I’ll keep you safe, Adi. I promise.”

She swallowed. “But they will know, Evan. If you… if you come with me to my house, the marines will know that you have slept there, with me.”

He nodded. “Yeah.” He wasn’t seeing the problem. And then it hit him. Colonel Sheppard would never have done this, would never have made it obvious that he was going aside to sleep alone with Adi. He huffed out a breath. Probably offering her his team and a separate cottage in the village centre was the most Sheppard had felt able to do, without exposing himself to unwanted attention. “I don’t care, Adi. I don’t care what anyone thinks. You and I know exactly what this is… This is you needing to feel safe and me offering to protect you. No-one else’s opinion matters. They can think whatever they like. I don’t care.”

Adi looked at him in surprise, and then she smiled at him. Not a true smile, but better than anything he’d seen since the gate had failed to engage.

“Come on, then. Let’s get some bedding and get going. It’s late and I’m tired.”

The marines had thrown down a couple more sleep mats and had piled some blankets on top for Evan and Adi, but beyond a few knowing looks, no-one actually said anything when Evan announced that Adi wished to sleep in her own cottage, and he’d be accompanying her there. And so they carried some pillows and blankets through the darkened forest until they came to Adi’s home.

Once they were through the door, Adi lit a lamp and then swiftly laid a fire and lit that as well, and it wasn’t long before the cottage was warm and welcoming, the soft glow from the fire lighting the corners of the room.

Evan had made up the bed with half the blankets, giving Adi one of the pillows, and had then turned to set himself up a nest on the floor, but Adi stopped him, her hand on his arm. “No. Stop, Evan. I do not believe I will be able to sleep with you there, on the floor.” He nodded and turned to the door, intending to set himself up outside, but again Adi stopped him. “I will sleep best if I know exactly where you are, and can feel you close to me. Would you…” she worried at her bottom lip for a moment, her teeth leaving indents. “Would you lie with me? In the bed?” After a second, she hurriedly added, “Fully clothed?”

Evan looked at her, considering. He’d hugged Adi a lot, had given her skin-time hugs, had stood naked in the waterfall with her, had apparently had her lying in his bed in the infirmary when he’d been unconscious, and had lain with her in the infirmary when she’d been unconscious. But he’d never actually lain with her in his arms when they’d both been well. All other interactions between them had been upright and awake and due to injury or distress, or were simple hugs of greeting in the mess.

And now Adi was proposing actually falling asleep with him in her bed. That was a huge step up and a huge mark of trust. He wondered suddenly if this was how the Colonel felt, knowing that Adi trusted him enough to let him stay near her while she slept, putting her safety in his hands, trusting that he wouldn’t do anything to her while she was helpless to stop him. He swallowed, nodding softly. “Yeah, if you’re sure. I won’t hurt you Adi, I won’t do anything…”

“I know, Evan. If I thought otherwise, you would not be here now, in my home, for I would never have accompanied you, alone, into the darkness.”

Feeling rather overwhelmed with the degree of trust Adi was showing in him, Evan lifted the blankets from the floor, adding his pillow to the bed, and laying one more layer of warmth over the top of the existing bedding.

“I must just…” Adi said as she slipped out of the cottage into the night, and when she returned a few minutes later, Evan did the same.

When he came back, Adi was banking the fire, and he watched her for a moment, seeing her competent movements. Clearly this was a lifelong skill, not one learned as an adult, as he had had to do.

Adi slipped off her shoes, but kept the rest of her clothes on as she moved across to the bed, so Evan did the same, just taking off his boots, leaving even his socks on. Feet could get pretty personal in a bed, and he didn’t want to run any risks of his body doing things he wasn’t intending.

Adi had brought the lamp over to the bedside table and was lying on her side, watching him, her eyes wide.

“Adi? Are you sure?” he asked softly, not wanting to push her. He could easily sleep on the verandah. But she nodded. “Yes. I will sleep best if I know exactly where you are, Evan. I do not wish to hurt you, as I might do, if I woke, thinking myself alone, and heard you breathing, or saw you moving.”

It hadn’t occurred to him that he’d be at risk, but Evan suddenly remembered that Adi had knocked Colonel Sheppard unconscious, had been trying to kill him at the time. Clearly, she was worried she might do that again. So he nodded and carefully slid into the bed.

Adi turned out the lamp, and then turned to him. “I would like to sleep against you, Evan, as I did with my people. That way I will know where you are in relation to me, and you will be safe.”

“Okay,” he said. “You tell me how to lie, and then get yourself settled.”

So Adi sorted them out, until Evan was lying on his back, Adi snuggled in against his side. He was surprised at how close she cuddled to him, touching all down his side, her hand on his chest, her head resting over his heart. And she’d placed his hands where she wanted them, so she would know where they were. He shifted slightly, wriggling a little to get comfortable. The military had taught him to sleep anywhere, in any position, but his back was never his first choice. Still, if this is what suited Adi, this is what he’d do. He guessed spooning wasn’t a great option for her.

They lay in silence for several minutes, and then Adi spoke, her voice soft. “I can hear your heart beating, Evan. It is a very comforting sound.” Several minutes later, her body went limp against him, her breathing evened out, and he knew that she was asleep.

And so Evan lay quietly in a bed, in a cottage, on a planet in another galaxy, and held the most precious woman in the universe in his arms, a smile ghosting his face, and warmth suffusing his heart.

Chapter Text

John was very, very tired. It was now nearly 1000hrs the next day, and still the power was out. Rodney and Zelenka had worked tirelessly through the night, directing minions (Radek) and shouting at minions (Rodney) until eventually all the minions had thrown their hands up in disgust and gone to have some sleep.

John hadn’t slept.

After many hours of pacing and watching and worrying, he’d finally slid down a wall in the corner of the Power Distribution room and had let his eyes close as his head rested on the wall, but he’d jerked back to alertness every few minutes, as one or other of the scientists dropped something, or banged something, or cursed in Czech (Radek) or shouted in frustration (Rodney).

And then finally, finally, long after Teyla had brought breakfast for everyone, after Ronon had tried to get John to go for a run and failed, and after Elizabeth had ventured into the bowels of Atlantis for an update before scurrying back to her dark office, Rodney said “Huh!” and John jerked upright and quickly hauled himself to his feet. He knew that ‘Huh!’ It was a good sound, a sound of discovery, of victory being within Rodney’s grasp.

“What?” he said as he stumbled closer.

“Got it,” Rodney said, sounding quite chuffed.

And then the lights came back on. And John’s eyes closed in gratitude. “Well done, buddy,” he said, squeezing Rodney’s shoulder, reaching over to clap Radek on the back. “Can we put the gate back together now?”

“Oh, seriously?” Rodney erupted. “That’s the thanks I get? I slave all night long, and the second I fix the unfixable power grid, you throw something else at me?”

John squeezed his shoulder again. “Sorry, McKay. But we’ve got people off-world who were supposed to come back yesterday. They’ll be thinking we’re all dead.”

“Oh, yes, right, okay.” Rodney hauled himself to his feet. “But I think you could have led with some food and a nice hot coffee before demanding more work from me!” He was wobbling a little with weariness, and John threw an arm around his shoulders to keep him stable and moving. It had nothing to do with John’s own slightly light-headed feeling from lack of sleep. “I’ll get you a coffee now, and meet you in the Control Room.”

Rodney nodded and John let go and headed one way, Rodney heading the other. When John appeared in the Control Room five minutes later, steaming coffee mug in hand, Rodney was on his hands and knees underneath the console, putting everything back together.

He slid out and spied the coffee, sitting up and reaching for it. John handed it down to him and he sat, communing happily with his beverage of choice, as John asked Amelia to dial Capeliga.

Elizabeth came across. “Rodney, well done. I see the lights are back on everywhere.”

Rodney lurched to his feet, not spilling a single drop of his coffee, and nodded. “Well of course they are! And now that all’s right with the world, I’m going to get some sleep.” He disappeared before the wormhole had even connected and Elizabeth laughed lightly. “Our knight in shining armour is looking a little tarnished this morning,” she said, but John’s attention was all for the wormhole, so she simply stood, waiting for the connection to be established.

And then the wormhole whooshed into being and John spoke. “Atlantis base to Major Lorne. Do you read?”

There was a moment of silence, and then Evan’s voice, sounding a little gravelly, said, “Good morning, Sir. Is everything okay?”

“We had a... power cut. It took a while to fix. Is everything okay there?” John hoped like hell Lorne would know what he was actually asking.

There was a pause and then, “Yes, Sir. Adi and I returned to the village when we couldn’t establish a lock. But we’re ready to come home now. If you were feeling kind, you might send a jumper to collect us. I’ve already carried that damn easel and painting all over the countryside and back.” Lorne’s tone was light-hearted, and John read into it that Adi was perfectly fine, no problems, all safe. The tension dropped from his frame.

“You’re getting soft, Major. But I’ll send you a ride anyway. Fifteen minutes?”

“Sounds good, Sir.”

John signalled for the wormhole to cut off, and turned towards the Jumper Bay, then realised that he really couldn’t send himself to Capeliga on taxi duty. It would look very suspicious. So he tapped his radio and called for the jumper pilot on duty to head out.

“You should get some sleep too, Colonel,” Elizabeth said behind him. “I know you were up all night.”

“Just a few things to wind up and I will,” John replied, smirking at her. He’d remembered there were more Lanteans off-world than just Adi and Major Lorne and he turned back to Amelia. “Dial P2R-473.”

Once John had contacted the marines on harvesting duty and told them they could come home, and had spoken with the marines guarding the science team, giving them a quick update and checking all was well, he went to the mess and grabbed some fruit and a sandwich, and ate them on the way to his quarters. A shower and some fresh clothes, and he was up in the Jumper Bay, ready and waiting.

It was quite a few minutes before the gate alarm sounded and the roof of the jumper came into view, rising up from the gate room below.

John found that he was bouncing on his feet with nerves. He needed to know that Adi was okay. He needed to know that Adi was still his. He actually really needed to act like the cool, calm and collected Military Commander of Atlantis. He swallowed, and took a deep breath, stilling his body. He was ready.

Evan had been sleeping soundly, Adi snuggled in his arms, when the gate alarm suddenly sounded in his ear. He jerked wildly, and a split second later there was an explosion of bedclothes, and Adi was suddenly standing on the far side of the room, her arms up in a defensive posture, staring at him in terror.

But Evan couldn’t do anything about that right now, because Colonel Sheppard’s voice had taken over as the gate alarm cut out, checking that Evan could hear him.

Evan swallowed, hoping to wake his throat up so he didn’t sound all croaky, and responded. “Good morning, Sir. Is everything okay?”

“We had a... power cut. It took a while to fix. Is everything okay there?”

There was a weird inflection to that question, and Evan knew immediately that the Colonel was asking if Adi was all right. She was still standing on the far side of the room, but at least she’d dropped her arms and was looking a bit less freaked out. So he responded easily, asking the Colonel to send a jumper.

“You’re getting soft, Major. But I’ll send you a jumper anyway. Fifteen minutes?” The Colonel’s voice sounded relieved. And Evan was smiling as he said, “Sounds good, Sir.”

He tapped his radio off and wriggled across to the edge of the bed. Adi took a careful step backwards, further away from him and towards the door.

“I’m sorry I startled you, Adi,” Evan said softly. “The gate alarm sounded in my ear. It was a hell of a shock to a guy who was deeply asleep at the time, but at least we know that no-one’s ever going to sleep through that.” He was talking gently, trying to help Adi to calm down, realise there was no danger.

Adi nodded. It had been an enormous shock to her too, to come so suddenly awake with a man jerking against her body. The surge of adrenaline had fortunately pushed her to escape rather than attack, but she was feeling jittery, shaking slightly, as her body tried to cope with the flood of hormones.

“I can see that you’re feeling a bit shaken, Adi, and I’m really sorry for scaring you. I didn’t mean to move so suddenly. Do you think you feel safe enough for me to get up and put my boots on? Colonel Sheppard’s sending a jumper for us. It’ll be at the village soon.”

Adi shook her head, and moved carefully towards her own shoes. Eyeing Evan closely, she stood awkwardly and pulled them on by feel, not taking her eyes off him at all. Then she sidled across to the door and let herself out of the cabin.

Evan shook his head. Damn! He really hadn’t meant to freak her out. That gate alarm was hellishly loud. He pulled his boots on as quickly as he could, checked that the fire had gone out, and folded up the bedding they’d used. Just as he was about to pick it all up, the gate alarm sounded again in his ear, followed by the jumper pilot announcing his arrival on Capeliga. Evan tapped his radio. “Acknowledged. Please proceed to the village and wait for us there. We’ll be… maybe another fifteen or twenty minutes.” He emerged from the cabin, his arms full of bedding, to see Adi standing in the clearing near the tree, her eyes pinned to him.

Evan smiled gently at her, then laid the bedding down on the verandah and walked to the top of the stairs. He carefully sat down on the top step and just gazed out at the peaceful scene in front of him, not moving, going no closer to Adi, a calm expression on his face. It felt a bit like a scene from a movie he’d watched once, when he was a kid, and there’d been a skittish horse and the rancher had worked for days to get close enough to touch… and he’d started by just sitting on the wooden fence around the enclosure.

After a couple of minutes, Adi took a step closer, then a few more. Eventually she was standing near the bottom of the steps, but Evan could see that she was carefully outside the distance he could reasonably lunge, if he’d chosen to do so.

Adi looked up at him and smiled rather tremulously. “I am sorry for reacting so.”

“Hey, no, don’t apologise. I’m sure that was pretty terrifying for you, and I’m really sorry to have given you that experience.” He sighed. “I truly didn’t mean to do that, Adi. And I’m very sorry. It must have been really horrible for you to be so abruptly awoken by such scary behaviour.”

She nodded slowly. “But I did not hurt you, I just ran away. That is better, I think.”

Evan laughed. “Yeah, I think that’s better too.” He looked at her. She was still shaking slightly. “Adi, would you like a hug?” He hurried straight on. “You can say no, I won’t mind.”

“I… I am uncertain.”

“Okay. Well, why don’t we head back to the village then? The jumper will’ve landed by now. And we should get back.” Evan had requested the jumper, not because of having to lug the easel and painting, but because he'd heard the worry in the Colonel’s voice. If he and Adi took too much longer to get going, he expected there’d be another call coming through from Atlantis.

Adi gazed at him for a moment, then shook her head. “I cannot walk alone through the forest with you, Major. Not while I am still feeling so unsettled.”

Evan’s face fell. Well, shit! And she’d called him by his rank. He didn’t know what to say.

Adi was still gazing at him. Then she drew a very deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and took those final steps that brought her within reaching distance, right to the bottom of the steps. “I think perhaps… I would like that hug, Major. I think it might help me to feel more comfortable, allow me to reconnect with you.” She sighed. “Or we can try, at least. I am not quite certain how I shall react.”

“Are you sure? I mean, if you’re this scared, why don’t you go on ahead and I’ll follow… oh, no, that’d be worse wouldn’t it? Okay, well, I can go ahead and you can follow…” His voice drifted off as Adi shook her head.

“I do not wish to be scared of you,” she whispered. “This was not your fault.”

“Okay,” Evan said, keeping his voice soft to match hers. “So, then… I’m going to stand up and walk down the steps, Adi. Okay?”

Adi nodded and took a couple of steps back, then stopped and waited.

Evan stood and slowly descended the steps, keeping his movements calm and peaceful, his hands where she could see them. He stopped once he hit the grass and, after a few moments, Adi slowly crossed the distance between them. Evan stood completely still as she slid her arms slowly around his waist. When she was done, standing stiffly against him, Evan very carefully lifted his own arms up and put them loosely around her shoulders. And after a moment, Adi sank in against his body, tightening her arms and laying her head against his chest. “I am all right, Evan,” she said softly. “You may hold me properly.”

Evan breathed a sigh of relief and tightened his arms about her. They stood that way for several minutes, until Evan’s radio sounded again. “Sir, I’ve loaded your backpack, easel and painting into the jumper, and the Sergeant says you’re at Adi’s cabin. I’m just lifting off now, Sir.”

Evan tapped his radio. “Acknowledged.” Adi had pulled away from him when the radio call had started, and he said, “I guess the Corporal got bored, waiting.”

Adi’s brow furrowed lightly. “I did not think your marines were permitted to decide for themselves what to do.”

“They’re not,” Evan said. He looked at her. “How are you feeling now, Adi?”

She nodded. “I am… better. It was a great shock, Evan, and I… it was very scary to know that I might have injured you, if my mind had chosen to attack rather than to flee.”

“Oh!” he said, gazing at her in consternation. “I thought you were freaking out because of… well, because I…”

“Yes, that too. It was a very unpleasant way to wake up and scared me a great deal. But I was also very worried, Evan. I do not wish ever to hurt you.”

Evan smiled at her. “Well, I need to make sure not to do things that scare you then.”

The jumper came into view, and Evan turned away, quickly mounting the steps and lifting the bedding into his arms.

Adi followed him across the clearing to where the jumper had come to land, its ramp opening. As she boarded behind Evan, she heard the pilot saying, “I apologise for disobeying your order to wait, Sir. Colonel Sheppard ordered me to retrieve you and return as soon as possible.”

Evan nodded. “Understood. Stop in the village though. There are some things to drop off there.”

The jumper landed only a minute or two later behind the village and Evan hefted the bedding. “You can wait here, Adi, I’ll only be a moment.”

But Adi looked from him to the jumper pilot, and, her eyes wide, followed Evan straight out of the jumper. She stood to the side of the little ship and waited until Evan reappeared, then motioned for him to board before she did so herself.

Evan took the co-pilot’s seat and considered Adi’s behaviour this morning. He really, really wished he’d woken before that damn gate alarm had gone off. Then he huffed out a rather unamused laugh. He was probably lucky it’d been light on Capeliga when they’d fixed the Atlantis gate. Because if that call had come through at 0200hrs, and it’d been pitch dark in the cabin when he’d jerked against Adi’s body like that, there was a fair chance that he’d be dead now. He turned his head to look at her. She was sitting in the rear compartment, her eyes fixed on the jumper pilot, but she seemed to sense his regard because she moved her eyes across to him, and smiled tremulously at him.

The pilot reached over and dialled the gate, and it came into view a moment later, the event horizon settling into place. The jumper slid through and into the Atlantis gate room, starting to ascend into the Bay.

As the jumper was coming to a rest, Evan turned to the pilot. “Please carry the easel and painting to my quarters, Corporal. Be very careful not to touch the canvas, it’s still not dry.” He held his hand up to Adi, mouthing, ‘Wait,’ and she nodded, her brow furrowing.

The Corporal thought the engines off and the ramp open, then lifted the easel and painting and descended the ramp.

“We can go now, Adi,” Evan said, standing.

Adi stood too and, her voice soft, said, “Thank you for keeping me safe through the night, Evan.”

He smiled gently at her and hefted his backpack up, leading the way out of the jumper.

Colonel Sheppard was waiting, as Evan had known he’d be, and he looked like hell. “Good morning, Sir. Thanks for sending the ride.”

“You’re welcome,” John said, his eyes on Adi as she came down the ramp. Her expression when she saw him was the most open he’d ever seen in public, a mix of fear and sadness and a sort of gladness that he was there. He flicked his eyes back to Evan, tuning in to what he was saying.

“…assume you’re going off duty now, Sir? You’re looking a bit ragged, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

“Yeah, I was up all night watching over the geeks. Someone spilt coffee on the power distribution hub. McKay was not a happy camper. I’m heading for bed now. Was just waiting for you to be back so I can hand you Atlantis. The city is yours, Major.”

Evan’s eyes had widened at the coffee remark. “Jeez! I can imagine McKay’s reaction to that. Enjoy the sleep, Sir.”

He turned and left the Jumper Bay, and John watched until the doors had closed behind him, then turned to Adi. She was standing a little way away from him, just watching him.

“Adi?” he asked softly. “Are you okay?”

She nodded slowly and came towards him. “I missed you, John. You were not there, and I was scared.” And then she was in his arms, and he was holding her tight, all his worries from the night before simply washed away in the face of her declaration. She’d had Evan right there with her, and she’d still missed him. He cradled her in his arms, relishing the feel of her warmth against his sleep-deprived body. God, he loved this woman. And then his heart hitched, because he’d never actually thought that right while he was holding her before. It had only sort of been an abstract thought. But it was true. He could feel that it was true, and his arms tightened a little more. Then he felt Adi sob and he loosened his arms, leaning back to get a look at her. “What’s wrong?”

“I might have killed Evan, and he didn’t even do anything wrong, John. We were sleeping and the gate alarm made a noise in his ear and he jerked. And so I woke up with a man jerking against my body and it was terrifying, and I fled.” The tears were running down her cheeks. “John, I could so easily have killed him instead. And he had been so kind to me, so caring, and I don’t want him to be dead.”

“Jesus!” John said, his own heart pounding at the thought that Adi might have hurt or killed Lorne. He drew her back into his arms. “He’s okay, Adi. He’s okay. He was just right here, and he wasn’t hurt at all. He looked fine.” He was reassuring himself as much as her.

She nodded in his arms. “He was sweet afterwards, too. It was not his fault, John. It was not.”

“Okay, it’s okay.” John was rocking her now.

She quietened after a few minutes and drew back. “I am sorry. You told Evan that you have been awake all night and need to sleep. Please, go to bed. I will be fine.”

John laughed. “God, Adi. That’s just like you. You’re important too, you know. Just as important as sleep.” But he swayed slightly as he said that, and Adi pushed him gently towards the Bay doors.

“I will be fine, John. I will have some breakfast, and I will visit with Natol before I go down to the greenhouse.”

John stopped her with his hand on her shoulder. “Come lie with me? Just for a while?”

Adi looked at him, considering his request. He’d never asked for her company like this before. “I would like to, John, but I must eat. I was very nervous at dinner, and I did not eat very much at all, and I had no lunch yesterday as I was busy replenishing my aura.”

John nodded. “Okay, I’ve got something I need to do too. So, you go get some breakfast from the mess while I do that, and then we can meet in my room.”

Adi nodded. “Yes, it will be good to lie in the safety of your arms, John.” She leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. Then she squeezed his arm and slipped out through the doors.

John made his way to Evan’s quarters, fairly sure he’d be there dropping off his backpack and probably grabbing a shower. When there was no response to his knock, he thought the doors open. Evan was just emerging from the bathroom, wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist, water beading on the skin of his shoulders and chest. John swallowed at the sight, then lifted his eyes to Evan’s. “Sorry, I…” He took a deep breath and forced himself to speak calmly. “Adi’s freaked out because she nearly killed you. What happened exactly?”

To say Evan had been startled to find Colonel Sheppard standing in his quarters was something of an understatement, and then he’d felt himself flush as his CO’s eyes had roamed his naked chest, his lower body sparking a little in response to the intensity of the gaze. But he pulled himself together at the Colonel’s question and crossed to his cupboard, pulling out a fresh uniform.

He pulled on the t-shirt and then turned around, donning the BDU top as he spoke. “She was freaked out last night too, Sir. The marines were all sweaty from the fields, and she said they smelled like the Bola Kai, and like Dr Quinten did, you know, when he… Anyway, she was worried about having to stay all night on Capeliga, and said she was going to go and hide in her own cottage. But I didn’t want her to go alone, Sir, because that cottage’s pretty isolated, so I convinced her to let me go too. But when we got there, she said I couldn’t sleep on the floor, because it would be too scary for her to have someone in the room when she didn’t know where they were, so she asked me to sleep in the bed with her. Fully clothed, Sir. And to, well, sort of… snuggle up with her, so she’d know where my hands were, and where I was. I’m sorry, Sir. It wasn’t my intention when I accompanied her there.”

He finished buttoning the top and then paused, realising he couldn’t really drop his towel in the circumstances, not even if boxers and pants would be better cover. He turned his attention back to the story, instead. “I could see what a huge thing it was for her, to let me be that close while she was sleeping, but she did fall asleep, and so did I. And then the gate alarm went off and it was sudden and loud, and I was very asleep, and I sort of jerked awake, and suddenly Adi was on the other side of the cabin, shaking, with her arms out to defend herself…” He shook his head. “She was really freaked out, Sir, and fair enough too. I didn’t mean to scare her like that.”

“I think at least half her worry is from the fact that she could so easily have killed you in that moment.”

Evan nodded. “Yeah. I have to say, I’m really glad it was daylight already, and Adi could see, in that split second of wakening, that it was me in the bed, and that she was in her own cabin. I think if you’d fixed the gate and dialled through in the middle of the night, when it was pitch dark, well…” He left the thought unfinished, but John swallowed anyway. Yeah, he could see that ending really, really, badly.

“And you’re not hurt at all?” he asked. “She didn’t hurt you?”

“No, Sir. She just escaped the situation. And then she wouldn’t let me get out of the bed to put my boots on until she was out of the cabin, and then she called me “Major” and said she didn’t feel safe to walk through the forest with me.”

John winced.

“Yeah,” Evan said. “But she’s so courageous, Sir. She… she decided a hug might make her feel safer with me, so we did that. And then the jumper came to get us.” Evan smiled. “Poor Corporal Parkes, Sir. You’d ordered him to hurry, and then I ordered him to wait at the village. So he followed your orders and came to get us at Adi’s cabin, but then he was worried I’d be mad because he didn’t follow my orders.”

John laughed. “If that’s the worst of his problems, I have no sympathy.” He looked at Evan, and then realised that the poor guy was still standing there in a towel. “God, I’m sorry Lorne. I shouldn’t even be here. I just…”

“It’s okay, Sir. You wanted the full story. I doubt Adi was up to explaining it. Where is she now?”

John averted his gaze. “Um, she’s, um, gone to get some breakfast.”

“Okay,” Evan said, nodding. Clearly Adi was heading for the Colonel’s room right after breakfast. “Well, if that’s all, Sir, apparently I have a city to run.”

John nodded and left Lorne to get dressed, heading for his own quarters. God, he was tired. If he wasn’t so tired, he never would have checked Lorne’s naked body out. Jeez! He was lucky Lorne hadn’t taken umbrage over that. He could probably have said he was just looking for damage, in case Adi had hurt him, but still… it had been a really stupid thing to do.

He thought the door to his quarters open, and Adi was sitting at his desk, eating breakfast. He felt a smile overtake his face as the door closed behind him. He was right where he wanted to be.

Adi waited until John’s breathing evened out and his arms around her loosened, and then she slipped out of the bed and out of his room. She was feeling too unsettled to fall back to sleep herself, visions of what might have happened if her mind hadn’t recognised Evan playing over and over, tormenting her. She made her way through the hallways to Dr Heightmeyer’s office, knocking on the door and feeling a wave of gratitude when it opened, and there was only Kate inside.

An hour later, she was walking back out the door, Dr Heightmeyer having soothed her fears and pointed out her progress in dealing with unexpected situations without violence. Kate had even said that she believed Adi wouldn’t have hurt Evan, even if it had been dark when the gate alarm had sounded. She said that Adi’s subconscious would have recognised him, because Adi would never have fallen asleep with someone she didn’t trust implicitly to respect her and keep her safe. And that was true. Adi knew that was true. She’d said as much to Evan herself.

Feeling lighter, she headed for the infirmary to check on Natol and Matthew.

Carson was nowhere in sight as she came through the infirmary doors, so Adi made her way across to Matthew’s bed. She saw that he was awake, his eyes blinking blearily, and that the oxygen cannula had been removed. Smiling delightedly, Adi pulled up a seat next to the bed, and reached out for Matthew’s hand.

“Hello, Matthew,” she said softly, and felt him squeeze her hand. “It is wonderful to see you awake. I have been very concerned for you.” She let him process that for a moment. He didn’t look very alert at all. “Carson has been working very hard to help you heal, Matthew, and he says that you will recover fully.” Matthew’s eyes were trying to focus on her, but not doing a very good job of it. “I have healed your aura, Matthew, and now it is up to your body to heal your wounds.” She didn’t want to mention the waterfall, in case Carson had changed his mind, so she just sat quietly by Matthew’s side as his eyes lost their battle with gravity and he slumped back down into sleep. But he’d woken and he’d squeezed her hand, acknowledging her presence.

It was in a very uplifted mood that Adi crossed the infirmary to Natol’s room. She knocked and opened the door, and was surprised to see Teyla there, with an Athosian couple she recognised but couldn’t name. She smiled at them as she came into the room, saying hello to Teyla. But before she could greet the unfamiliar couple, Natol noticed her and cried out “A-ee.”

Adi’s smile widened, and she crossed immediately to his bedside. “Good morning, Natol. It is a great pleasure to see you again.” She leaned forward and drew him into a gentle hug, ignoring the dissonance of their auras clashing. He was such a little boy and he had known very little affectionate touch. She would give him all she could.

Natol was smiling softly at her, the biggest expression she’d seen, and glancing up at Teyla and her companions, Adi could see surprise on their faces, possibly for the animation he was displaying, or perhaps because he had called her name.

“I am sure we have met, but I do not recall your names,” she said to the Athosians. “I am Adi.”

The woman smiled understandingly. “My name is Indira, and this is Balith.”

“It is my pleasure to meet you both again,” Adi said. “You have come to visit with Natol?”

It was Teyla who answered. “Indira and Balith have offered Natol a home with them. They have a four-year-old son, and have much love to offer Natol.”

Adi sighed with pleasure. “Oh. This is wonderful news. I am so happy for you all.” She turned to Natol. He was looking a little wary now, so Adi pulled up a chair and sat beside him, taking his hands in hers. “Indira and Balith live with Teyla’s people. You know Teyla, she was with us on Badagh, when we brought you away with us.”

Natol nodded slowly, his big eyes fastened to Adi’s.

“Teyla’s people live on the mainland, here, on this planet, and we see them often. They are very friendly and welcoming, and I have been in their village, and have eaten with them, and sat with them around a big fire in friendship.”

Natol reached out his free hand towards Adi’s face, and she leaned forward so that he could touch her. “A-ee,” he said.

“I am sorry, Natol. I am not able to keep you here with me. I am not ready to be a mother. But Indira is already a mother, and so she understands how to care for a little boy, just like you. Her son is just one year bigger than you are now, and Indira has a great deal of love to share with you.”

Natol was still touching Adi’s face, drawing his finger over her brow, down her cheek, across her chin and up the other side, his little face troubled.

“Natol, your father was evil. He hurt you on purpose. His aura was muddy and tainted. His mind was sick. I am sure it is scary for you to think of going with Balith. But Natol, I can see Balith’s aura. It is crisp and clean and shiny… it is oranges with splashes of red. The oranges are those of the most cheerful spring flowers, and the colour of a welcoming fire when it is first lit. And the reds are those of the berries that grow in winter on the bushes, bright and happy and tasty. It is very beautiful. You need not fear that Balith will treat you the way that your father did, for he does not have it in him to hurt a child.”

Natol dropped his hand from Adi’s face and nodded firmly, as if satisfied that Adi had addressed his concerns. His mind really was far older than his tiny body suggested.

Adi smiled warmly at him. “I shall visit you as often as I can, Natol, for you and I are friends. I do not have a great many friends and I am very pleased to know that you wish to keep me in your life. But for now, I am very happy that you have been offered this opportunity for a new family, a new community. When I came here, to Atlantis, I had lost all of my people, and the Lanteans embraced me, and offered me a new home here, with them. And this is the same for you. The Athosians are embracing you, Natol, and offering you a new home in their community. And we shall still see each other, you and I.”

Adi stood, pushing back the chair with her legs, and leaned in to give Natol another hug. He clung to her for a moment, and then loosened his arms, and she pulled back a little, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. “I shall hope to see you soon, Natol,” she said, and she smiled at all three adults and slipped from the room.

Carson was in the infirmary as she came out of Natol’s room and he caught her eye. “Adi, I saw you visiting with Corporal Smithers earlier. He’s doing verra well. We were able to take him off the oxygen late last night. If you feel up to it, I’ll be willing for you to take him to the waterfall later today. Perhaps mid-afternoon would be the best, when the water will be warmer. He canna stand though, so we’ll need to bring some stretcher bearers.”

Adi had her own thoughts about how to help Matthew, and so she just nodded. “I shall arrange it with Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne.”

“Aye, that’d be best. We’ll need some of the marines to carry him up that incline from the jumper. I could wish there was better parking at the top of the waterfall, but I suppose I should just be grateful that we have a waterfall.”

Adi smiled. “I think so, Carson. It is a great boon to have such a wonderful source of healing so close to Atlantis. I shall see you this afternoon.”

She slipped away. It seemed she was having a very busy day, and she hadn’t even made it to Botany yet. Fortunately, her friends there would be very understanding of her absence.

Adi stood for a moment in the hallway outside the infirmary, wondering where Evan would be at this time. John would still be sleeping, she was sure, and so she needed to speak with Evan about this trip to the waterfall. She turned and made her way to the Control Tower, checking the office that John and Evan shared, but when it was empty, she went along to the Control Room. “Hello, Chuck.”

“Oh, hey, Adi. How are you? Did you have a rough night? I’m sorry you got stuck off-world.”

Adi smiled at him. Chuck was always so caring and friendly. “It was disconcerting, not knowing why the gate would not work, and I was greatly worried for what might be happening here. But Major Lorne was with me, so I felt safe, despite not having planned to stay the night. And I actually need to speak with him now, to arrange to take Corporal Smithers to the waterfall later today. Do you know where he might be at this time?”

“Ah, I’m not sure, but I can radio him for you?”

Adi agreed, and within moments Chuck was able to tell her that Major Lorne was in the Supply Room, but would meet Adi in his office within a few minutes.

Thanking Chuck, Adi made her way to the office and took a seat in the visitor’s chair. But that put her back to the doorway, so she quickly stood back up. But even standing felt uncomfortable. The office wasn’t very big, and anywhere that she stood meant that someone entering was between herself and the door. Adi quickly exited the office and stood uncertainly in the hallway outside for a few moments. Then she walked along a little way, to a point where the hallway crossed with another, and there was more space and many different directions in which she could flee if she needed to. She sighed. She was still feeling unsettled from the terror of her awakening this morning. And hugging Natol had not helped her aura any. But this fear, this discomfort… she was not going to let this remain. She would not be scared of Evan, because he had done nothing to hurt her, he had only helped and it wasn’t his fault that he’d been jolted awake so abruptly. She was going to fix this now, today. She would not let her past experiences affect her current friendships.

The transporter doors at the end of the hallway opened and Evan appeared. He saw her and smiled, making his way quickly towards her. He wondered why she wasn’t waiting in his office as he’d suggested, and then, as he got closer, he noticed that she’d chosen to meet him at a junction of hallways and his heart sank. She was still scared of him. He stopped further back than he ordinarily would’ve and smiled gently at her. “Hi Adi. Chuck said you wanted to talk to me?”

Adi nodded. “Yes. But first… Evan, will you… will you have lunch with me? In the garden. I know it has not yet been opened for everyone, but David has said I may visit whenever I wish. I thought perhaps we could take some food with us and eat in the sunshine, by the pond.” She looked at him anxiously.

A litany of ‘It’s not a date… It’s not a date…’ was running through Evan’s mind as he responded. “Sure, Adi. That sounds great. Will you bring the food, or shall I?” When she didn’t respond immediately, Evan went on. “I can ask the mess staff to put together a picnic basket. Shall I do that?”

Adi nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

“Okay. What else did you want to talk about?”

“Carson has said that I may try to heal Corporal Smithers in the waterfall this afternoon. Matthew is not yet able to walk though, and I do not think having him lying on a stretcher is a very sensible idea. The force of the water is quite intense and I think it might be very painful for him if he is lying down. Also, he would have to have his face outside the flow of water or he will be unable to breathe as the water is too forceful.” She paused to check that Evan was following her reasoning, and he nodded.

“So what’s your plan?” he asked.

“Well, I thought if perhaps yourself and Colonel Sheppard could come with me, then you could carry him into the water between you and hold him while I do what I can to heal him. Do you think that this would work?”

Evan pursed his lips while he considered that. “There’s nearly six inches difference in our height.”

Adi’s face fell. “Is that a lot? Will it cause a problem?”

“It’ll make Smithers a bit lopsided.” He huffed out a laugh and Adi joined in.

“Perhaps we can take a block of wood for you to stand on, Evan, so you will be the same height as Colonel Sheppard.”

“That’s actually not a bad idea. Although it might get a bit slippery. How about you have a chat with Carson about the logistics of it in relation to Smithers’ injuries. I’m sure we can make it work, and I agree with you that a stretcher is really not a good idea. That water pounds down with a lot of pressure. But as to the rest, I can be free this afternoon, and I’ll clear the Colonel’s schedule so he’s free too.”

Adi looked at him for a moment, her teeth worrying at her lower lip, as she decided whether she should mention this or not. Eventually she spoke, a little tentatively. “He is sleeping, Evan.”

Evan smiled gently at her as he nodded. “I know. I’ll make sure he’s awake in time.”

Adi straightened her shoulders. “I will go and speak with Carson now then. And will you meet me in the garden for lunch?”

“Yeah. I’ll meet you there at 1330hrs.”

Evan watched as she carefully circled around him and headed for the transporter. Clearly she was still nervous around him. He sighed. Hopefully lunch was her solution to this. A nice, calming venue, an activity to keep them busy, casual chit chat, lots of exit options, no threatening moves from him. Hopefully by the time they had to board the Jumper for the waterfall, Adi would have regained her trust in him.

Chapter Text

Adi spent a full hour alone in the greenhouse, surrounded by the soft smells and colours of living, vibrant plants, immersing herself in the energy of nature. She fertilised and pruned a little, and wandered amongst the Pegasus galaxy fruit trees the Lanteans were propagating. They were almost up to her waist now, and looking very happy in their new home.

By the time she needed to leave to meet Evan for lunch, she was feeling calmer. She made her way to the garden and saw that Evan was already there. He’d brought a blanket to sit on, and was laying out some food as she approached.

Evan glanced up when he saw movement, and smiled when he saw Adi coming towards him. The mess had responded to his request for a picnic basket with enthusiasm, and he’d collected a large basket of goodies from them and made his way to the garden, arriving a few minutes early and choosing a spot near the cascade, but with a tree overhead, so they’d be sitting in dappled sunshine.

Seeing Adi closing on him, he reminded himself to keep his movements slow and simple. He didn’t want to spook her again.

“This looks wonderful, Evan,” Adi said as she drew near. She was pleased that she’d felt nothing but pleasure at seeing Evan on the picnic rug. Perhaps this lunch hadn’t been necessary. But then he held out a hand to her, encouraging her to sit, and she felt a frisson of awareness run through her. Hands were always scary.

She pushed away the fear and sat anyway, smiling at him – albeit a little tentatively – and he offered her some of the food, asking her gentle questions about her morning. She chatted away, describing the progress of the fruit trees and telling him about Natol and his new family.

Evan sat quietly beside her, eating his way through the offerings from the mess and keeping his movements calm. Eventually Adi seemed to be fully relaxed beside him, and when she asked, he described his own morning – spending time in the Supply Room checking over the audit the marines had recently completed, and then using that data to work out what supplies they were short of, deciding what needed to be ordered in the next data burst. Then he’d moved on to finalising the list of personnel who would be involved in the Wraith war games that had been put off several times already.

“You have a great many skills,” Adi commented, as she selected a mini quiche to go with her avocado and not-chicken roll.

Evan laughed. “Yeah, well, you know. Eighteen years in the Airforce, you pick up a few things.” He was moving on to the dessert portion of lunch, and Corporal Jadis had outdone herself, whipping up some mini cheesecakes and some lanoti jam pastries. There was plenty of fresh fruit too. A veritable feast. He passed the dish of cheesecakes to Adi and she selected one.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Adi was enjoying being out in the sunshine with a gentle breeze rustling the trees and bushes around her, the sounds of the cascade tinkling nearby. Evan had been calm and gentle and light-hearted, and the foods he had brought were delicious. She sighed with contentment.

“Evan, thank you for joining me here for lunch, and for bringing all of these foods with you. I was feeling very nervous of you earlier, and I did not wish to let my fear of men defeat me. You have always been so gentle and supportive, and it was not your fault that you were woken so suddenly this morning. I am sorry that I reacted in the way I did.”

“No, Adi, seriously. That was a hell of a way for you to wake up and I don’t blame you in the slightest for feeling a bit unsettled around me. I mean, you showed a lot of trust in me, going to sleep while I was so close, and I’m really sorry that I scared you that way. I didn’t mean to, but that doesn’t change what happened.” He looked at her. She was definitely looking calmer, happier, more settled. “How are you feeling now?”

She smiled at him, her eyes running over his face. “Safe,” she said softly. Then she put her plate down on the rug. “Will you hold me, Evan? I should like to feel your arms about me.”

Evan was willing to take any opportunity that presented to hold Adi, so, with her help, he quickly packed up the remains of the picnic, and then they pulled the rug back against the tree. Evan leaned against the trunk, and Adi settled between his legs, as she’d done on the mainland around the Athosian bonfire. Evan’s arm slid around her waist, and his head came down to rest against her shoulder.

They sat like that for maybe twenty minutes, neither of them speaking, just nestling together in the forest glade, and then Evan’s radio sounded. He lifted his head and tapped his earwig. “Lorne here.”

It was Carson, and he was ready to transfer Corporal Smithers to the waterfall, whenever it was convenient. “Acknowledged. Let’s say twenty minutes, Carson, in the Jumper Bay.” Carson agreed, and Evan sighed as he tapped his radio off.

He gave Adi one last hug, and started to move, but she twisted around to face him, lifting her hand up to cup his cheek. “Thank you, Evan,” she said softly, and smiled at him. If he were in an imagining mood, he would have said that smile was full of love. But he wasn’t, and he knew that’s not what Adi was offering him, so he quashed the desire to kiss her and simply smiled back.

“I was going to thank you. That was a very restful way to spend an hour.”

Adi laughed as she wriggled around and stood. “I am planning to convert all Lanteans to a greater appreciation of nature,” she said as she bent to fold up the rug. Evan had picked up the picnic basket, and they started to walk back towards the transporter. “I believe there are many here who would benefit from a quiet hour sitting in this garden with a good friend.”

Evan nodded, absorbing that comment as they made their way across the pier and through the city. He was a friend – a good friend - but still, just a friend. He’d known that, but the tranquillity of the last hour was still imbuing his mind and body. Holding Adi in his arms had felt wonderful, and the peacefulness of the garden had been all around them, letting him feel all sorts of things that were never going to come to fruition.

He’d found it pretty lonely, here in Pegasus. As the second-in-command of the base, Evan couldn’t form relationships with any of the military personnel, and his own feelings for Colonel Sheppard had meant he’d had no interest in trying to start anything up with one of the scientists. But Adi… well Adi was neither and both. She fitted into a category all her own. Or perhaps, the same category as Teyla. A warrior and a diplomat. A gentle, caring soul with a backbone of solid iron.

And he was her friend.

He swallowed as he felt gratitude for her rising up in him. He was damn lucky that she counted him a friend, that she offered him so much of her trust. It was enough.

John emerged at the top of the path alongside the waterfall, his hands holding tightly to the stretcher carrying Corporal Smithers. Evan was following behind him, holding the other end, and Carson and Adi were bringing up the rear.

Adi had filled Carson in on her plan, and whilst he wasn’t that happy with the notion of Smithers going in supported by John and Evan, he’d accepted that supine was not a good position given the force of the water. John stopped beside the big, flat, rock they’d used in the past, and he and Evan carefully lifted Smithers up on top, then let go of the stretcher. They’d discussed it on the flight, and they were going to go into the waterfall first to check out the options for trying to get Smithers fairly level between them.

John turned away and stripped off. When Evan had radioed to wake him, he’d suggested that, as they knew this time they’d be ending up wet, he was planning himself to wear his board shorts rather than his boxers, and John had agreed with alacrity. Adi’s plan meant he and Lorne would both be wearing very little into the water, and after his faux pas this morning, practically checking Lorne out in his own quarters, John wasn’t wanting to do anything further that might implicate himself.

Adi had casually doffed her clothes and was waiting, naked, at the edge of the falls. She led the way in, and waited patiently as John and Evan scoped out the options. They were unable to talk at all, or even eyeball each other, with the water pouring down over their heads, but hand gestures, and trying this and that, had them soon heading back to the clearing to collect their burden.

“Well lads?” Carson asked, his voice loud to get over the sound of the falls.

“Yeah,” John nodded. “I can stand in the pool of water, and Lorne can stand on the rock next to it, and our shoulders are level.”

Carson smiled. He hadn’t been that happy at the thought of Smither’s broken body being put under extra pressure, twisted sideways, for an extended period. None of them were sure how much help Adi would be able to give, or how long it would take.

Carefully, John and Evan helped a groggy Smithers into a sitting position, then got him settled between them, one arm each around his back, the other under his thighs, and Matthew’s arms around their shoulders. And then they lifted him and carried him into the water.

It was hard work, but soon they were settled, Smithers held firmly between them. This healing session would last only as long as John and Evan could support Smither’s weight. He wasn’t a big man, but he was well muscled and not a lightweight.

Adi knew that she would need to work swiftly. Matthew had been severely injured, and was still seriously ill, and he was heavy, a burden for John and Evan to hold. As soon as they'd settled themselves, she moved forward. Carson had given her the list of injuries in order of concern, and they’d mapped out a plan for her. Matthew’s body had taken much damage and the list of injuries was scary. There was barely an organ or limb that had not sustained injuries. Soft tissue injuries, internal bleeding, broken bones, skin damage… he had the lot.

Adi took a bracing breath, and started with Matthew’s bruised heart muscle. They’d had a lot of trouble stabilising Matthew’s blood pressure, mostly due to the internal bleeding and external wounds causing significant blood loss, but also because the blast had caused damage to his heart. It was the area of greatest concern for Carson, and so Adi worked her way deeply inside Matthew’s aura and down, down, into his body. Time slowed as she worked, but the discomfort of being so immured in Matthew’s body was growing, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to remain here for anywhere near as long as she’d managed with John.

John’s arms were burning, and he was considering having to signal Lorne to leave the waterfall, when Adi’s hand appeared in front of his eyes, indicating she was done. He carefully stepped up, out of the pool of water and onto the ledge, and he and Evan shifted around until they were facing out, and then made their careful way back to the stretcher.

Adi didn’t follow them. This new skill was amazing in what it allowed her to do, the healing she was able to effect, but the toll it took on her was immense. She stood in the water and let the power of the falls work to restore her equilibrium, wash away the nausea, erase the itchy, scratchy wrongness of being so intimately linked with another person. She was still standing there when she sensed movement nearby, and realised that John had returned. She wasn’t able to look up at him, but he grasped her hand and gave it a tug, and she knew that he needed her to come now. Matthew needed to be safely back in the infirmary. So she followed him out, accepted the towel that Evan offered, and quickly redressed.

By the time she was done, John and Evan had already left the clearing, bearing the stretcher down the hill, and Carson was disappearing behind them, clearly unwilling to be parted from his patient. Adi followed them down, slipping into the jumper behind them as John took the pilot’s chair, still in his board shorts.

“How is he, Carson?” Adi asked, looking at the barely conscious man lying in the back of the jumper.

“He’s a wee bit colder than I’d hoped,” Carson responded, “and I want to get him back to the infirmary as soon as possible, and under some nice warm blankets.” He glanced up at her. “His heart is sounding much stronger, Adi. You’ve done good work there. And I see you managed to close the worst of the lacerations.”

“And the break in his leg bone, Carson. I have done what I can there. I believe that it is fully healed… but your scans will show if that is true.”

“How hard was it?” John asked, as the jumper crossed from the mainland to the ocean.

Adi moved forward standing between him and Evan. “It was very difficult, Colonel, as I knew it would be. But hopefully worth it. I was unable to stay inside Matthew’s body for any longer.” A shiver ran through her own body, and she wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

“Is it because the damage was worse than mine, or was it…” John’s voice trailed off.

“It is his aura. It is very compatible for me, but… I have found…” Her voice trailed away and she gazed first at him, then at Evan, pursing her lips.

Both men turned to look at her. “What, Adi?” Evan asked. “You can’t leave us on a cliff-hanger like that.”

Adi smiled at him, enjoying his gentle humour. “I have found that I can heal the Colonel’s physical injuries most easily – although it is still very uncomfortable, and you, Major, are the next easiest to heal, even more so than Ronon. And that is peculiar to me, because Ronon’s aura is more compatible with mine than either of yours.” She sighed. “I do not understand this ability, it is very confusing. I would wish that my mother or grandmother had lived long enough to explain this to me. Instead, I am left to find my own way, discover for myself what is possible.” She frowned, an unusual expression for her. “I cannot explain why it is easier to heal you than Ronon, or why healing the Colonel is the easiest of all, or why healing Matthew, who has a very compatible aura, was terribly challenging. I know that the damage his body has sustained is immense, and possibly there is some link there, but I do not know.”

Evan looked sympathetic, and John said, “It’s trial and error then. Give it a go, see what works. Rodney can probably give you some ideas of how to keep data on all of this, then we could look for patterns.”

Adi was silent for a few moments, and then suddenly said, “I could almost wish for Dr Quinten to be injured, so that I might see how difficult it is to heal him.”

John’s eyes turned steely. “You have got to be kidding! Do you really think I’d let you stand naked in the waterfall with that man?” His tone was beyond appalled.

Adi’s shoulders slumped. “In truth I would not wish to do so, Colonel. But I have wondered…” Her brow furrowed, and she gazed first at Evan and then at John. Then she shook her head lightly, and turned away, returning to the rear compartment and settling herself opposite Matthew.

John’s eyes met Evan’s, both of them with brows raised in confusion, then John shrugged and returned to the business of bringing the jumper in to land.

It was late when John went looking for Adi. He’d had a very busy afternoon. First the trip to the waterfall, then a shower to warm back up, then he’d met with Lorne and Stackhouse to go over the final details of the Wraith war games and had detailed marines to gather everything they’d need and stack it in the gate room, while he oversaw the process. The war games had had to be put off so many times, but finally they could fit it in, and they’d be taking just over half of the marines with them to the Alpha site in the morning, spending two nights there as they put everyone’s skills to the test.

After that he’d spent some time at the firing range, helping a couple of the scientists with their proficiency, then he’d had a late-ish dinner and sparred with Teyla. Rodney had radioed as he finished up with Teyla, suggesting a late-night game of video golf, and while John had been tempted, if he was going off world tomorrow for two days he wanted to spend tonight with Adi.

She wasn’t in her room, and there was no note saying she was on the pier. He sighed. He was seriously considering getting Carson to insert a subcutaneous tracker in her, but since the only real reason was so that John could find her when he wanted her, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get Elizabeth’s approval. He snorted. So not happening.

He wandered out of Adi’s room and along to the forest balcony. Maybe she was there.

She was. The door slid silently open, and John could see her leaning against the railing, gazing peacefully out at the night.

She turned sharply as she felt the movement of air, but then smiled at him, her dimples showing before turning back to face the night. The air was cooler out here, and John moved in behind her, sliding his arms around her waist, drawing her back to lean against his chest. “Hey,” he said softly in greeting.

Adi raised her hands up and laid them over John’s forearms, enjoying the feel of his body wrapping around hers. She angled her head up to catch his eyes. “It is very peaceful out here tonight. I have been here for more than an hour, just gazing at the never-ending ocean, the stars in the sky.” She sounded peaceful, and John gave her a gentle squeeze, glad that she’d recovered from the difficulties of being trapped on Capeliga.

Adi turned back to her view, her breathing coming softly, slowly. Nothing could trouble her, not when John was near.

John leaned forward a little and kissed the top of her head, and after a moment, Adi tilted her head to the side, exposing her neck. Not one to miss an opportunity, John leaned a little further forward and feathered some kisses along her neck, feeling her shiver against him, clutching a little more tightly against his arm. “Mmm,” she breathed out, “that feels wonderful, John.”

“I wondered if you’d like to come play with me, in our suite? I have to go to the Alpha site tomorrow, I’ll be gone a couple of days…”

Adi turned in the cradle of his arms, gazing up into his eyes. “I would like that. We missed out last night.”

John was very close, his face leaning down to look at her, and Adi had the sudden, inexplicable urge to kiss him on his lips. She gulped and pulled back a little, and John immediately loosened his arms. “Adi?”

She huffed out a breath. “It is nothing, John. I…” She paused, chewing on her lip as she considered him. “You offered, once, to kiss me. And just now I… well… I…” She stopped, and John lifted his hand and very slowly, very gently ran his finger over her bottom lip, tracing up over the top one too. “Would you like me to kiss you?” he asked, his voice low and sultry.

Adi nodded, her eyes round and luminous, locked to John’s. But when he moved his hand and cupped her cheek, she took a sudden, sharp step back, into the railing, a look of fear crossing her face.

John dropped his hand immediately, backing up a little. “You’re safe, Adi. You’re in control here.”

Adi nodded. “I am sorry, John. I thought…”

John gazed at her for a moment. That was twice she’d reacted badly to him touching her face. “Adi, why don’t you kiss me?” he suggested. “I’ll stand completely still. I won’t touch you. And you kiss me.”

The moonlight was glinting over John’s features, and he looked almost ethereal. He wasn’t angry with her, or frustrated. He just accepted her limitations without question. She smiled at him a little tremulously, and nodded.

John smiled too. “I can stand with my back to the railing, so I’m not between you and the door,” he suggested, and then moved to do just that. Sliding down a little, he spread his legs wide so he was lower, closer to Adi’s height. He put his hands out to the side, gripping the railing and then nodded to her.

Adi approached slowly, carefully, her eyes skittering to John’s hands, seeing them wrapped around the railing, not near her body. She stepped closer and closer, and then she was leaning against his body, lifting her head up to his… oh! It was hard to find his mouth. She pulled back, laughing a little. “I understand now why you keep putting your hand on my face.”

John laughed too. “Yeah, it’s like runway lights at night to bring an aircraft down to land. You kinda need the sensory input to work out where you are in relation to the other person.” He smirked at her. “You can touch my face, Adi. I won’t mind.”

Adi lifted her hand very carefully up and cupped John’s cheek, feeling the rasp of his five o’clock shadow against her skin. Then she stood on tiptoes, and leaned up and placed her lips very softly against John’s. Just for a second, then she pulled back and gazed at him.

John hadn’t moved, not a whisker, well aware that any move on his part might cause Adi to flee. But she hadn’t fled, and then she moved closer again, and her lips met his. He let his lips soften, welcoming hers, and the pressure increased a little. Then, as Adi wasn’t pulling away, John let his lips start to move, ever so gently under hers. Softly at first, and then more definitely, and then Adi was responding, and joining in the kiss, and he nibbled and licked and kissed and she did too, following his lead. Her body was soft and warm against his, and her lips were pliant and giving, and John slowly opened his mouth—

Adi suddenly leapt back, away, her eyes huge, her arms up. She gulped.

John blinked, bringing himself back to the now. “Adi?” he asked softly. He left his hands where they were, gripping the railings, and stayed very still.

“I felt… I felt you… your… against me…” She gulped again, visibly shaking.

John closed his eyes for a moment, embarrassment rising. He took a deep breath. They just had to deal with this. “You were kissing me, Adi. That’s sort of what happens,” he said, trying to be matter-of-fact about it. He sighed. “I’m really hoping this isn’t going to make you lose all trust in me, but… you know when… when we sleep together? Well, I… I wake up every morning… and I’m… well, I’m half-hard.”

Her eyes couldn’t get any bigger, and John was just waiting for her to turn tail and run. But she didn’t. She actually dropped her arms. “Is this true, John?” she asked, her voice a little shaky. “Are you… have you been… aroused… when I have been in your arms?”

He nodded, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. “Well, yeah. ‘Cos you’re… well, you’re soft and warm and… right against my body, and… you’re you, Adi. And when I gave you that back massage? That was…” He pursed his lips and exhaled, making a low whistling sound. “So yeah. It’s true.” He grimaced, thinking he’d probably just blown any chance ever of being allowed near her body again.

But she surprised him. The tension dropped from her frame and she took several steps closer to him.

John gaped at her. “How does this make you feel safer?” he asked, his tone full of confusion.

“Losiri was thus. He wished to be closer to me, but I—I was content with our friendship. He—he was often aroused from holding me close to his body, and he would slip away from my bed to take care of his needs – alone or with a partner – so that he could return to my side and be comfortable.” She was gazing at him quite intently. “John, if this is so, that you have been… aroused with me… then… then you… you did not act on it.”

The way she’d said that was a statement, not a question, but John answered it anyway. “No, and I—I won’t, Adi. I… Look. I can’t, um, I can’t help my body… well, you know. But, I can sure as hell control what I do with it.” He held her eyes, willing her to understand. “I’m never going to hurt you, Adi. Never. If… if I get that, um… that aroused, then… well, I’ll… go deal with it. Like Losiri did.” He swallowed audibly, his eyes flickering from Adi to the wall behind her and back.

He was clearly very uncomfortable with the conversation, and Adi took another step forward, then another. She came close enough to lean her head against John’s chest, then slowly slid her arms around his body. After a few moments, John returned the gesture, and Adi sank against him, huffing out a small breath of surrender. After a while she spoke, her voice soft. “I liked kissing you, John. It felt wonderful.”

John smirked. “That was just the beginning, Adi. There’s a whole lot more to kissing than just that.”

She pulled her head back, her expression intrigued. “Does it all feel good? I felt warm all over, and a bit tingly.”

“Oh, yeah. It just gets better. Trust me.”

Adi gazed into his eyes for long moments, and then she said, “I do. I do trust you, John. I believe I will be less fearful now. Now that I know that you are able to control your actions, that I need not fear your reaction to my touch.” She looked searchingly into his eyes again. “Is it too late to go to the suite now?”

John looked at his watch. He had to be up in six hours to give himself time for a shower and breakfast before they shipped out, and he’d only had a couple of hours sleep earlier, to make up for missing out completely the night before. He sighed. The Military Commander should probably be well slept if he was going to run – and engage in – extensive war games on an alien planet in the morning. “I should probably sleep. Sorry.”

“Oh, you will be busy tomorrow. I had forgotten. You must certainly sleep.” Adi stepped backwards, but then paused. “May we… may we sleep… together tonight? I should like to feel your heartbeat close to mine.”

John swallowed. He loved the way she said things like that. It was sort of freaky to be around someone this comfortable with their emotions, but it set a warm glow in his heart. He nodded. “Sure. Your bed okay? I’ll have to be up really early.”

Adi smiled, and clasped his hand in hers, then led the way to her quarters, content that she would have John’s arms around her as she slept tonight.

Chapter Text

John shipped out early the next morning, along with more than half the marines on Atlantis, and Major Lorne. Sergeant Stackhouse was left in charge, with strict instructions to call if there were any problems that would benefit from the presence of either the CO or XO of Atlantis.

The War Games were an important training tool, allowing their troops to trial different attack and defence methods in a neutral environment. Lorne, Stackhouse and John had spent hours devising the different scenarios they’d be using to test their people in the field, giving them experience, but also making them use their minds, respond to the unexpected, and resolve difficulties. John expected to be very tired, very dirty and very sore, by the time he led his troops back to Atlantis in two days’ time. Teyla and Ronon were accompanying him, but he’d left McKay behind. This type of activity was the underbelly of war, and no place for a scientist. No matter how often Rodney was exposed to danger, it still wasn’t his job to fight or kill, to attack or defend.

John gave Amelia the signal to dial the gate, and a few moments later the event horizon whooshed into being, settling into ripples of blue. John nodded at Lorne, and the Major led the way, the marines streaming after him carrying all the gear they were going to need. Off-world wargames were a huge logistical exercise, and John gave mute thanks, once again, for an XO of Major Lorne’s calibre.

He tacked himself on to the end of the line of marines, turning to glance up at the balcony as he always did, smiling briefly at Elizabeth in farewell. Then he saw that Adi was standing on the balcony too, on the far side of Amelia’s console, and he nodded briefly to her, then turned and followed the last of the marines through the gate.

The gate shut down and Adi smiled at Amelia as she slipped out of the Control Room before Elizabeth saw her there and wondered at her presence. Adi had never come to see anyone off before, but she’d wanted to be there as John and Evan, Ronon and Teyla, headed off for their war games. Somehow, knowing they were going to be fighting – even with fake bullets, as John had explained – was still a little disconcerting. She hoped no-one would be hurt.

As she wandered her way through Atlantis to the Botany labs, she reflected that she was feeling a little bit alone, left behind on Atlantis. She’d had a very emotionally difficult week, and with John’s team plus Evan going off-world, she was left without her mainstay support people. And with Matthew still injured in the infirmary, she didn’t even have him to rely on. In fact, he needed her support, and she was hoping to give him another healing session, if Carson would agree. There were other blue-greens around of course – Sergeant Stackhouse, Radek, Miko – but no-one that she felt such a close bond with.

She sighed as she exited the transporter and carried on down the hall. As she came through the door into the lab, Dr Parrish’s enthusiastic tones washed over her, and Adi found herself smiling. David was always a pleasure to be around, and Katie was here as well, with her gentle friendship and acceptance. She wasn’t alone. Not really. She would be fine.

Rodney spent his morning excitedly working through all the different systems that were coming on-line now they had three full ZedPMs powering the city. Entire sections of information had been appearing in the database over the past week, and he had people combing through it, looking for information on puddle jumpers, personal shields, creating ZedPMs from scratch, weapons, locations of outposts… anything, really, that might give them a tactical advantage, give them an increased measure of safety, here in the Pegasus Galaxy.

He was also working on a priority listing for exploring the parts of the city that had begun powering up when they’d installed the two ZedPMs Sheppard and Lorne had brought back with them. Rodney was still envious of the fact that those two had been allowed through the defence mechanism, whilst Rodney himself had been rejected. His ATA gene might not be pure, but it still worked just fine for most things. He frowned as he remembered being shunted aside, deemed not worthy of entry to the Ancient’s hallowed ZedPM recharging facility. But then he grinned, remembering that they had ZedPMs to spare now.

He hummed to himself as he worked, and didn’t even notice his scientists smiling as they worked nearby, happy they weren’t being shouted at or belittled or made to cry. It was a nice change to see the CSO in a good mood.

The alarm on Rodney’s watch beeped and he silenced it absent-mindedly, never taking his eyes off his screen. It was several minutes later that his mind registered that the alarm had sounded, and he suddenly straightened up in his seat, shaking his head slightly. Why had that alarm gone off? What did it mean? And then he realised it was his ‘have lunch with Susie’ alarm, and he quickly shut down his computer and beelined for the mess.

Susie had proven to be one of Rodney’s better ideas. She seemed to understand him on an elemental level, and accepted him for who he was without trying to change him, or suggest that he improve himself in any way, as other people were constantly wanting to do. She genuinely appeared to enjoy his acerbic wit – as long as it wasn’t directed at her in regard to her work… they’d had a couple of rather loud and unpleasant arguments in the labs. But she didn’t seem to mind that he was socially inept, or that he just didn’t get some of the cues that other humans seemed to pick up on without effort. All up, she seemed to enjoy his company and actually wanted to be with him.

They’d been together now for five weeks, which was the second longest relationship Rodney had ever had. And really, his longest relationship had only lasted because his girlfriend had had to travel a lot for her job, so she was only in town for a few days before she was gone again. That had lasted two months before she’d dumped him, over the phone, from Phoenix, apparently moments before leaping into bed with some hunk she’d met at a conference. At least she’d had the courtesy to tell him before she’d cheated on him.

And the regular sex was a real bonus, keeping Rodney’s stress levels down. Of course, he’d read up a lot on the subject and, being a genius, he was amazing at all sorts of different activities that took place in a bed with a woman. Susie had had no complaints, none at all. In fact, a lot of what she said when they were alone together had to do with comparing him to God.

Rodney was grinning as he entered the mess, spotting Susie at a table on the far side waiting for him with a patient expression. And he knew it actually was a patient expression, not just a façade for bubbling anger or frustration. Susie understood that work was his priority, and she was accepting of that. In fact, she was the perfect woman. Rodney bounced his way along the food queue, eager to spend time with his girlfriend.

It was early-afternoon when Adi made her way to the infirmary. She could see Carson sitting in his office, typing away at his computer, so she knocked lightly on the doorframe.

“Hello, Adi,” Carson said as he swung his chair to face her. “How can I help you?”

“I wondered how Matthew is?”

“Aye, well, he’s better than he was, thanks to your intervention. But he still needs more long-term care and physical therapy than we can provide here. I was speaking to Dr Weir earlier. I’d like to send him back to Earth tomorrow.”

Adi’s face fell. “Oh, Carson. No. Please. Let me try again. I could only do a little healing yesterday, because of the discomfort to me, but I am ready to try again. If I can do a small amount every day, soon Matthew will be well enough to remain here.”

Carson eyed her kindly. She looked very distressed. “Well, I must admit, what you did was verra beneficial. And you did heal Colonel Sheppard completely… but, Adi—” He looked away, discomforted. “I canna think the Colonel will be pleased if I let you do this.”

Adi’s brow furrowed as she gazed at him, perplexed. “But Colonel Sheppard came with me to hold Matthew while I healed him. Why do you think he would be displeased for me to try again?”

Carson sighed, not wanting to have to explain. But there was no help for it. “Adi, you need to be naked to do it. And both Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne have gone off-world, so they’re not here to help. And Corporal Smithers is in no fit state to be holding himself up in that waterfall. He needs two support people with him, to help him keep his footing. And that means there’d be three marines standing in the waterfall with you, while you’re naked – and Corporal Smithers is far more lucid today. It’s not like yesterday when he was barely aware of what was happening.” He shook his head. “The Colonel would have my head if I allowed it.”

“I do not understand, Carson. I need the water to strike my bare skin, in order to draw the energy into my aura. Why is this a problem?”

Carson huffed out a sigh. “Adi, have you noticed at all that we Earthlings tend to have clothes on, all the time, unless we’re… well, alone with a romantic partner?”

Adi stared at him. “Oh,” she said faintly. And then, after a few moments, she nodded slowly. “I had not noticed. My people were often naked, so it had not occurred to me that…” She laughed a little self-consciously. “In my culture, it was so normal that we did not even notice if someone was clothed or not… but, yes, I… I see what you are saying.” She fell silent, a pensive expression on her face.

Carson watched her, a feeling of compassion sweeping through him. What must it be like to suddenly find yourself alone in a foreign culture? To be the last, the very last, of your people? To have different customs and attitudes and beliefs about you, all the time? To have to adjust, constantly, to the demands of a new culture – and a very different culture, as it seemed at times. “Well,” he said comfortingly. “The Colonel and the Major seem to have accepted it without any difficulty, but I canna see Colonel Sheppard being at all pleased if I let random marines see you naked.”

Adi nodded in recognition of John’s likely feelings. Then her expression turned considering, and after a few moments of silence she spoke, her voice determined. “I do not wish to let this get in the way of healing Matthew. He will not want to be sent back to Earth – his home is here. How can we do this, Carson, without anyone seeing me naked?”

Carson shook his head, his mouth opening to respond, but Adi leapt back in. “I wish to do this. I will do this. But if it is not usual in your culture to be naked in front of anyone other than an intimate partner, then we need to…” She broke off, and then her gaze turned triumphant. “Carson! We shall cover their eyes with something – a beanie perhaps. If the marines help Matthew into the waterfall, I can then take off my clothes and join them, and pull the beanies down over their eyes from behind. And then I can heal Matthew, uncover their eyes and get dressed, and then they can come out of the waterfall.” She was glowing with excitement, and Carson stared at her, open-mouthed in consternation.

“Please, Carson, do not say no. Matthew needs this, and I can help him.”

“And which marines are you proposing to have that close to you while you’ve not got a stitch on?”

“Well, Sergeant Stackhouse for one.” Then her face fell. “Oh, he is currently in charge of Atlantis, so perhaps it would not be wise to take him away with me, given that the Colonel and Major Lorne are off-world.” She thought for a moment. “Corporal Hendrix and Corporal De Sousa, then. They are very nice and kind and understanding. They shared their aura energies with me when we were on Badagh. They have lovely rich blue-green auras that will be the perfect match for Matthew’s, and so I won’t have to fight the effects of their auras on Matthew’s while I am healing him. Please? Carson, please?”

Carson sighed, his shoulders slumping, all the fight going out of him. “Fine. We’ll need to do it today then, because tomorrow I’ve to run a clinic on Badagh, in return for the glassware they’re making for us.”

“I am ready now,” Adi said, and Carson gazed at her with a jaundiced eye.

“Aye, well, you go and collect your wee Corporals then, and I’ll talk to Elizabeth and arrange a pilot.”

Adi beamed at him and slipped out of his office, and Carson, shaking his head at his own gullibility, tapped his radio and spoke to Dr Weir.

Three hours later, Carson rolled his shoulders and settled back into the chair in his office. He’d been gone longer than he’d expected on the trip to the waterfall. Adi had clearly perceived some risk that she may not be allowed to try again – or that Carson would decide to send Corporal Smithers through to Earth regardless – and had stayed in the waterfall for far longer than she had the day before.

Her blindfolding plan had worked – although Corporal Hendrix has suggested a strip of fabric instead, as he thought that would be less see-through than a beanie when stretched – and he’d requested that the blindfold be placed in such a way that they could still see straight down to the ground, not liking the idea of them trying to support Smithers without any visual sensory input at all. But the session had gone very well, and Carson was pleased with the improvements he’d detected in Matthew’s condition.

Perhaps one more session, and Matthew would be at the same level as the other patients in the infirmary – the ones who’d been further back from the blast and just needed time to heal their broken bones, bruised organs and lacerated skin.

He swivelled his chair in towards the computer and brought up Matthew’s medical records, dutifully reporting all the healing that Adi had done whilst in the waterfall.

When he was finished, he considered Adi, herself. She’d emerged from the waterfall and had donned her clothes, and a minute later, the three marines had appeared, and then Adi had requested that they all return to the jumper and give her ten minutes alone in the water. Carson had been very against the idea of leaving her there, unaccompanied. But she’d been adamant, and he’d finally caved in, and followed the stretcher downhill.

Fifteen minutes after they’d reached the jumper, Adi had appeared and climbed aboard, smiling at him and telling him she felt fine. But he wasn’t deceived. He was quite confident that she’d overstretched herself, and that the short amount of alone time she’d had in the water wouldn’t have been sufficient to fully replenish her aura, or calm the itchy/scratchy feelings she’d described.

He sighed. There was nothing really he could do. Adi was a law unto herself. He assumed she’d take steps to spend time in nature over the next twenty-four hours, or to find a nice, willing blue-green person and snuggle up with them somewhere. Perhaps Sergeant Stackhouse would oblige her. And with that thought, he turned his attention back to his patients. There were so many of them still, but they were healing, and that was the important point.

Adi was indeed feeling the effects of healing Matthew. Realising this might be her only chance, she’d taken a few breaks during the healing session to enable her to stay there for longer, and she’d found it wasn’t quite as difficult as the first session but still much harder than healing John. She’d wondered if it was because Matthew had had fewer wounds today. Maybe the severity or extent of the injuries affected the level of discomfort she felt whilst healing people. She sighed, frustrated again at not knowing how this worked.

She’d spent two hours on her forest balcony after they’d returned, but she was still feeling frazzled, and it was in that mood that she made her way to the mess for dinner. She homed in on Sergeant Stackhouse’s table, where he sat with his team. They were always welcoming, happy for her to sit quietly with them, or to participate in their conversations. Tonight, she wanted silence, just the wind or the waves, but she needed a blue-green aura to blend with, and the Sergeant was her best bet, and since he was sitting in the noisy mess, that’s where she was too. He saw her approaching the table and nodded her over with a smile. But before she’d even quite reached him, he was tapping his radio, then standing and leaving, throwing her an apologetic look as he went, talking to the invisible person who’d called him. Adi sighed and, smiling ruefully at Stackhouse’s team, she gazed around to see whom else might be available.

Corporal De Sousa was sitting with a group of marines she didn’t know very well, but Corporal Hendrix was with some of the more familiar faces, and she approached him, feeling a great deal of trepidation. But he saw her coming and, once he’d realised she was aiming straight for him, he stood and came around the table towards her. Adi felt the tension dropping from her shoulders as Hendrix came up level with her.

“Adi? Is everything okay? Do you need something?”

She was still holding her tray in front of her, and it was awkward to speak privately at that distance with such a hub-bub around them. She turned and placed her tray down on an empty table and then turned back, taking a step closer. “I am in need of an aura to blend with, Corporal.” She looked at him uncertainly. “I wondered if you might be willing to sit with me on the balcony while I eat my meal, and let our skin touch?”

Corporal Hendrix looked surprised, but then nodded readily enough. “Sure, I’ll just grab my meal,” he said, and within a few moments he was back, and Adi lifted her own tray, and they crossed the mess and slid out onto the balcony. It was blissfully quiet out there, the doors shutting off the din of voices in the mess itself, and Adi sighed in relief. It was also quite cold, but she didn’t care. The silence, the breeze, the view of the endless oceans… these were all worth a little chill.

Hendrix had placed his tray down on one of the tables closest to the balcony’s edge, and now looked at her questioningly. “I’ve never done this for you, Adi. What do you need, exactly?”

“If we sit just so,” she pushed their trays into position, “then I can eat with my left hand, and you can place your left hand on my right wrist. And then our auras will mesh and we can eat our meal and I will feel calmer.”

“Okay,” he said and sat where he’d been told to. He placed his hand exactly where Adi had directed and then picked up his fork and resumed eating his disrupted meal.

Adi sat in silence for a few minutes, just letting the wash of aura energies swirl around her, balancing and calming her. Eventually she sighed, and turned her attention to her meal.

“Um, how often do you need this?” Hendrix asked, his tone deferential, as if he wasn’t sure if he was permitted to ask her questions.

“Only when I have overstretched myself, as I did today in the waterfall. If Corporal Smithers had not needed to return to the infirmary so quickly, I could have taken half an hour or longer to let the force of the water calm my aura and replenish my energies, but I knew Carson would not wait so long. He likes his patients best when they are safely in his sterile infirmary.” She smiled to show she had no hard feelings about that. It was a fact, not a complaint.

“So, um, who usually helps you?”

Adi glanced at him but saw only genuine interest. “All my usual people are either involved in the war games off-world or injured. I hope you are not upset that I have asked this of you?”

Hendrix shook his head. “No, no, not at all. It's just… At the briefing on the day I arrived, the Colonel was very specific about not touching you, or taking you unawares, or being near you alone. And, well, you were pretty upset the other day in the mess, the day we went to Badagh… and so, I wondered…”

“Oh!” Adi said, compassion to the fore. “You are concerned for your safety. You need not be. I know that you are here with me, and you are only touching me as I have asked. I will not injure you, Corporal.” Then her expression turned wary. “Unless you touch me other than in the way I have asked.”

He shook his head immediately. “No, I won’t Adi. I never will. I… I know this is a privilege to be asked to help, and I’m happy to do it. I just… I don’t know much about auras, or about you, really. So it’s… well it’s a bit confusing.”

And so Adi told him all about auras, and about herself, her life on Capeliga, the Wraith culling, her capture by the Bola Kai – leaving out the rapes she had endured – and how Colonel Sheppard and his team had rescued her, had brought her to Atlantis and given her a new home, a new community.

It was peaceful on the balcony as they sat there together, Corporal Hendrix’s hand resting lightly on Adi’s forearm, a gentle bubble of friendship wafting around them.

It was more than an hour later that Adi stopped her storytelling and drew a deep breath. She let it out slowly, a smile on her face. “Thank you, Corporal. This has been very beneficial for me. I had not meant to keep you for so long. I hope you have not missed out on any evening activities that you wished to participate in.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I was just going to run the Ninja course with the guys. We go most nights.”

Adi’s face lit up. “Oh, I have done that myself. It was very challenging.” She laughed lightly, remembering facing obstacle after obstacle, each one more daunting than the last. “I am very impressed that you do this so often.”

“It’s fun,” Hendrix said. “Marines like to keep fit.” He lifted his hand from Adi’s arm, sensing that the aura blending session was over, and Adi smiled at him, pushing her seat back and standing.

“Thank you, Corporal. I have greatly appreciated your company, and your aura.”

“Anytime, Adi. Thanks for telling me all about… everything.” He smiled at her and Adi smiled back, and they made their way through the mess to bus their trays. They parted at the transporter, Hendrix to go and watch the tail end of the Ninja run, and Adi to find her way to the pier to sleep in the arms of nature.

John was hot and weary and sweaty and sore. But he stood on a rise on the Alpha site and gazed out across his marines. They were a damn fine bunch and he was proud of them. They’d stood up to all the demands made of them over the past two days; had captured and ‘killed’ and defeated their opponents, and been captured and ‘killed’ and defeated in turn, and at the end of it all they were still laughing and making jokes.

He whistled, loudly, and the noise in the clearing dropped to nothing within two seconds. “Points have been tallied and it's my sad duty to announce that Major Lorne’s team are the winners!”

Oorahs sounded all over the clearing as the Major’s team celebrated their win, their less fortunate opponents acknowledging the outcome with good grace.

John let them go for a minute or two, before he whistled again. “It was very close. Only a few points in it. And that tells me that we have a very strong, very versatile military presence, here in the Pegasus Galaxy. And you should all be proud of yourselves.”

There was more cheering and clapping, but eventually Lorne had them all geared up and ready to return to Atlantis. It would be just coming up on dinner time when they arrived, and John was about to signal for the gate to be dialled when Lorne stepped forward calling for silence. “I know you’re all hungry, and you probably want to dump your gear and head straight to the mess. But I’m going to ask that everyone have a shower first, and get into clean clothes. We may be ferocious warriors, but we can also be civilised when eating.”

John glanced at him, wondering what that had been about, but Lorne had signalled the marine closest to the DHD to dial. The event horizon formed, the IDC was sent and the marines were streaming through and back to Atlantis. John walked across to where Lorne was waiting to make sure everyone left the Alpha site, and raised his eyebrows at him.

Lorne looked a little sheepish. “I wasn’t sure where Adi will be, and I suspect we all smell more than a little ripe.”

John’s mouth opened a little in surprise, but then he closed it and nodded. “Good thinking.”

Lorne blushed and turned away, watching as the last of the marines approached the gate. He glanced around. All the gear was gone, and there were no people lurking. “I think we’re done, Sir. Shall we?” He gestured towards the gate and John nodded, leading the way through the gate and home.

On the other side, the marines were quickly clearing the gate room, carrying the gear back to the storeroom or mess, wherever it most logically went, and John climbed the steps towards Elizabeth.

She was standing on the balcony, overlooking the chaos below, a contented smile lurking around her lips. “If the level of dirt is anything to go by, I assume it was a success,” she said, smiling cheekily.

John laughed. “Yeah. It was good. Lorne’s team won by a few points. But they all fought well.”

“So showers and dinner all around, I assume?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m looking forward to the shower.” He headed for his room. As CO, he wasn’t obliged to carry or dispose of any of the gear. One of the perks of being in command.

He stripped off in his bathroom, kicking his filthy BDUs aside as the water started to flow. He groaned as the hot water hit his shoulders, running down his back, and then tilted his head back, letting it wash two days of grime from his face as well. There’d been a lot of crawling in the dirt and climbing hills and hiding out in trees and bushes and he was filthy all over. The dirt had wriggled its way inside his clothes, and he was very, very, happy to stand in the cascade of water and let it do its job.

After a while he reached for the shampoo and started actually cleaning himself. The liquid soap he used on his body was soft and slippery, and once he’d cleaned everywhere, he leaned against the wall and slowly stroked himself to hardness, then all the way to orgasm, letting the water wash his body clean again afterwards. Sighing lightly, he rolled his neck backwards and forwards, letting the heat infuse him with a sense of calm to match his post-orgasmic glow.

His tummy gurgled, and John laughed. God, he was hungry. And tired. But happily sated, and after two days of running around in the bush, keeping his eye constantly on a very athletic Lorne, trying to outwit him, it was nice to be able to release the sexual tension.

John thought the water off, towelled himself dry and dressed in fresh BDUs, putting on his spare pair of boots. The pair he’d been wearing for two straight days would benefit from an airing and he slid them out onto the balcony to start the process while he had some dinner.

The mess was crowded when he arrived, the entire off-world contingent having descended en masse to re-fuel after their efforts in the war games. John spotted Sergeant Stackhouse sitting off to one side, and once he’d selected some food, he wove his way through the tables full of happy marines, and joined him. A moment later, Lorne appeared and sat beside him.

After a few minutes of general greetings and light-hearted comments, Stackhouse started his debrief, bringing Sheppard and Lorne up to date on everything that had happened in their absence, and then John leaned back and let Lorne, commander of the winning team, tell the story of their off-world adventures.

John was a little concerned about one aspect of Stackhouse’s report. Apparently, Adi had flown to the waterfall twice with Corporal Smithers – once yesterday afternoon, and again late today. Stackhouse hadn’t mentioned who else had gone along, but there was no way Smithers’ had been healed enough to walk himself into that waterfall. Which meant Adi had been in there naked with at least two men, and probably three.

John glanced around the mess, even knowing that Adi wouldn’t be in here with so many marines in attendance, all at once. Well, he didn’t want to ask Stackhouse straight out who had gone, so he’d go and see Carson. He should check the marines in the infirmary anyway, let them know their CO was thinking of them as they recovered from the Genii's C4 attack.

Lorne had finished his recitation of his victory moves now, so John excused himself, bussing his tray on the way out the door. Within three minutes he was walking into the infirmary, but it was Dr Biro on duty and Carson was nowhere in sight, so John resigned himself to not knowing, and instead, moved from bed to bed, chatting with each of his marines, checking up on them, giving them a few words of encouragement. Being stuck in the infirmary really sucked, and John always felt sorry for anyone who was trapped here for days on end. He sent a brief word of thanks into the ether that Adi had saved him from this same fate.

He finished up with Corporal Smithers, but he was sleeping, the bruises on his face looking less harsh this evening. John wondered if Adi had done something there to start the healing process, but there was no way to know.

He nodded to Dr Biro as he left, making his way to Rodney’s lab. He’d missed Rodney over the past two days. Usually if John was off-world, Rodney was right there beside him, snarking at everything in sight, or joking with him, talking about everything and nothing in the land of DC, and then pulling a miracle out of his ass, saving the day with some weird sciency-thing. It had felt really wrong to be off-world without McKay at his side, even if they’d only been doing the military stuff, none of the science/exploration/meet new people stuff.

Rodney was in the middle of a shouting match with Zelenka, so John hopped up onto a spare lab bench, and settled in to watch, his legs swinging idly beneath him. It was more than ten minutes later that Radek finally threw in the metaphorical towel, his hands rising above his head in agitation as he let go a flood of Czech invective.

“That’s rude, Zelenka,” Rodney said smugly. “Be a better loser next time.”

Radek pushed his glasses up his nose and stomped out of the lab, the doors closing behind him.

Rodney had swung around to watch his exit and so spotted John. “Hey, you’re back.” His eyes were running all over John’s body, looking for injuries, and John smirked at him.

“I am back. And not a scratch on me.” That technically wasn’t true, as he’d had to climb through a very nasty thorn bush and it had left a huge scratch up his left arm, but hey, it sounded good.

“Did you win?”

“Ah, no. That would be Lorne’s team. But there was hardly anything in it.” John could hear the whine in his own voice and flinched.

Rodney just laughed. “Sore loser, huh? Hey, I was about to get dinner when Zelenka started pestering me about some supposed hole in one of my theories. Want to join me?”

John jumped down from his perch. “I’ve just eaten, but I’ll keep you company. You can bring me up to date on all the lab gossip.”

“There is no lab gossip. There’s only profound discoveries, and a whole lot of very incompetent idiots who think they’re scientists!”

Bickering amicably, John and Rodney headed for the mess. There were far fewer people here this time and John relaxed into his chair, letting Rodney’s voice roll over him as he shared all the minutiae of his past two days, highlighting the ineptitude of his staff and making sure to mention his own brilliance at every chance. John made occasional comments, needling at Rodney, setting him off on another rant, and then he could sit back and just let Atlantis/home/safe, seep into his bones. McKay was ‘home’ to him, just as much as the city was, and it felt comfortable to be here, listening to him talking a mile a minute, barely pausing to swallow his mouthful, before launching off in another direction.

Eventually Rodney wound down, all the food on his tray having disappeared. “Well,” he said, standing, “I have simulations to run so I can prove Zelenka wrong. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And he disappeared at speed, dumping his tray as he went.

John pushed himself to his feet and considered for a moment if there was anything else that he needed to do. But there wasn’t, so he turned himself towards Adi’s room and let his feet walk him there. The door opened as he approached and he found Adi sitting on her sofa, her needlework frame on her lap. She’d looked up in startlement as the door suddenly opened, but then her face lit with joy, and she pushed the frame aside, stabbing her needle into the canvas and crossing the room in two huge steps. “John,” she said, as she snuggled up to his body. He pulled her close against him, relishing the feel of her here, with him.

Adi pulled back, and John loosened his arms, letting her go.

“It is wonderful to see you, John. I have missed you. Are you well? Were you injured at all?”

John shook his head. “Nope. I’m tired, and my feet are sore, but that’s about the worst of it.”

Adi laughed softly. “I believe I owe you a foot massage. We keep getting interrupted and never making it back to our suite.”

John felt his energy levels pick up at the thought of a massage. “That sounds like a great idea. Do you mean it?”

Adi nodded. She’d missed him. A lot. And she was very pleased to have him back now. “Of course. Do you still have the massage oil you used on my back?”

John nodded, memories of that back massage suddenly assailing him, making his tired body perk up. “Yeah, I can grab it now. Do you want to go to the suite?”

Adi stilled for a moment, and then nodded. “Yes, if that is all right? You said you were tired.”

“Not too tired for this,” John said, smirking at her. “I’ll meet you at the transporter.” And he disappeared out the door to fetch the massage oil.

Adi quickly tidied away her needlework, seating the needle properly into the canvas, rather than the hasty stab she’d done when she’d seen John in her doorway. She smiled to herself and walked out her door and down the hall to the transporter. A moment later, John appeared beside her, and they zapped themselves to the deserted tower, quickly climbing the two flights of stairs and walking along the hallway to their room.

It was in darkness this time, but John had seen where Lorne had left the lighter, and it was the work of moments to light the first candle, and then he and Adi went around the room lighting them all, Adi using the first candle to spark the others to life. They did the bedroom as well, until the whole place looked cheerful and welcoming.

As he lit the final candle, John threw himself wearily down on to the bed. After a moment he groaned and started to sit up, but Adi pushed him gently back. “Let me, John. You are very tired, and I would like to do this for you.” She reached for his first boot and unlaced it, before pulling it free from his foot. His sock followed a second later and John wriggled his toes as Adi moved on to the second foot.

Once they were free, she started to roll up his BDUs but then said, “I think it will be easier if you just take these off.” So John unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down.

Adi pulled them free of his legs and folded them neatly, putting them aside, and John huffed out a laugh. “You’re much more careful with those than I ever am.”

“You have easy access to replacements. On Capeliga, we made every single item ourselves, and when you have laboured to create a garment, you treat it with respect.”

John nodded, his arm up across his eyes. “Makes sense.”

Adi knelt on the floor at the end of the bed, John’s feet in easy reach. She poured some of the oil into the palm of her hand and rubbed her hands together to warm it up. Then she slid her hands onto John’s right foot and began.

John hadn’t expected much from Adi in terms of a massage. He’d thought she might rub her hands over his feet, maybe squeeze his toes a bit... but wow! Adi clearly knew what she was doing as she ran her hands lightly up the underside of his foot, circling around the top near his ankle, and back down to his toes in a repetitive circular motion, each sweep a little harder, a little firmer. John felt his body relaxing into the bed and let go, ready to just enjoy himself.

Adi’s hands swirled around his ankle then down again to the arch of his foot where she changed angle and pushed up into a nexus of nerves that apparently lived there. Her hands moved on, returning again and again to that point before slipping away, the oil letting them glide across the top of his foot, knead into the underside, pushing gently, them more firmly – rocking almost – between each of his toes.

John had never felt anything like this. If you’d asked him if feet were an erogenous zone, he would have categorically said no. And he’d have been wrong, because his whole body was flushing with warmth, the sensations from his foot rising up through his leg towards his groin. His breathing grew more ragged as Adi’s hands, her clever, clever hands, swept up his foot again and again, from toes to ankle, then higher, starting to knead and massage around the ankle joint, and then higher still, up into his calf. He could feel his cock filling even though he’d already brought himself off in the shower not that long ago. But the feel of Adi’s hands, sliding all over his foot, his ankle, his calves, his leg… Jesus! She was almost up to his knee, sweeping in long massaging motions from his toes all the way up the back of his leg and back down the front. God!

John bit back a moan. His hands were fisting in the sheets and he had to move his other foot, it wouldn’t stay still. He bent his knee, lifting the foot onto the bed, sole down, but it landed on the Capeligan blanket and he swished it back and forth, feeling the soft silkiness of the blanket beneath that foot, Adi’s hands on the other… she’d slid back down to his foot now and was busy pushing her thumbs into pressure points, the sensations boiling John’s blood, igniting the fire in his groin. His boxers were tenting, his erection full and thick, and his breathing was growing more ragged by the moment, the sensations from Adi’s hands and the Capeligan blanket overwhelming him, and suddenly John knew he couldn’t hold it much longer. Jesus, his whole body was alight. Any moment now and he was going to have to move his hand to his cock and start some serious stroking. “Adi,” he gasped, “Stop, please stop.”

The hands lifted instantly, and John breathed in a sigh of relief, but it was too late. He was too far gone to stop now, and he dragged himself off the bed and staggered into the bathroom, pulling his cock free the moment the door was shut. He grasped himself, memories of Adi’s hands on him, and it only took five strokes before he was shuddering to pieces, his seed hitting the floor in spurts as his orgasm crashed over him.

He slumped down onto the floor, leaning back against the bathroom counter, his mind awash with post-orgasmic bliss.

After a while, reality intruded, and his body tensed as he realised what he’d just done.

Oh, God! Adi!

He started to tuck himself back inside his boxers, and then suddenly realised that he smelled of sex. Shit. He couldn’t go back out there smelling like this.

John stilled, took a deep breath, and started to think properly. Right. He needed to clean himself up, clean up the bathroom.

Then he needed to go find Adi, wherever she may have fled to. She’d be safe. She’d have gone somewhere safe. The important thing was that he mustn’t smell like the Bola Kai when he found her.

So he grabbed a towel, wet the end of it, and wiped himself over carefully, then knelt and cleaned the floor. He tossed the towel into the bottom of the shower to deal with later, and opened the door.

Adi was standing on the far side of the living room.

Her arms were wrapped about her middle, her expression guarded.

John jolted to a stop. “Um, hi. I, um, I… I thought you’d have… Um, are you okay?”

She nodded, but it wasn’t very convincing. “No-one ever reacted like that before. Not to my massages. I was not considered very good at giving foot massages.”

John’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. “You’re joking, right? Because that was… unbelievably erotic.”

“Obviously,” Adi said, her eyes not moving from him. “Are you… did you…”

John blushed. “Um, yeah. I… I’m… done.”

She nodded again, a better effort this time, and took a step towards him. Then she stopped. “Are you… is it, um… are you safe, John?”

“Yes! God, yes, Adi. I’m perfectly safe. Not gonna hurt you. I promise.”

Taking a deep breath, Adi came closer and closer until she was standing right in front of him. “My people said I did not have the talent… that it felt nice, but nothing more.”

John gave her an incredulous look. “They were wrong. Or perhaps it’s just the combination of your hands and my feet. But, wow! You certainly do have the talent.”

Adi smiled at him then, a mischievous glint showing briefly in her eyes, before disappearing. “I had not expected that reaction, John. I am sorry.”

“I’m not. That was… indescribable. Are you okay, Adi? You don’t seem as freaked out as I was expecting.” He was watching her closely, and apart from the fact that she’d had her arms around herself, and had checked if it was safe to approach, she actually seemed all right.

Adi nodded. “You kept your word, John. You told me if you became too aroused, you would leave and deal with it alone. And that is exactly what you did. You asked me to stop, you left the room, and you have returned to me in a safe state.”

“I’m never going to hurt you, Adi.” He reached out a hand to cup her cheek, and suddenly Adi was gone, across the room, looking at him with scared eyes. John rocked back on his heels, his brow furrowing in confusion. Then, as Adi started to back away a little further, he sank straight down onto the floor where he’d been standing, crossing his legs as he sat. He wanted to appear as non-threatening as possible, and not being able to move quickly seemed like a good choice. “That’s… um, that’s the third time you’ve reacted badly to me touching your face, Adi. Can you… do you know why?”

Adi huffed out a breath, then another. She was shaking lightly. “The… the Bola Kai… they… they would grip my face so they could… thrust… into my mouth.” Her voice had trailed away to a whisper by the time she’d managed to explain, and John felt anger welling up inside, anger at the men that had abused her. He looked down at the floor, taking a few long, slow, deep breaths.

When he looked back up, Adi was near the door, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. “I am sorry, John. I know… I know you…” She huffed out a breath, shaking her head in frustration at her own reaction.

“It’s not your fault,” he said softly.

Adi nodded. “That is what Dr Heightmeyer has been telling me for all these months. It was done to me, not with me.” She dropped her arms. “It does not make it easier to deal with.”

“No, I guess not.”

Adi looked at him, where he sat on the floor. “You do not look comfortable there, John. You may get up. I am not going to run.”

John smirked at her. “I thought maybe you’d come sit here with me.”

Adi laughed at that. “I would prefer to sit with you somewhere more comfortable.” She came closer, “Can we lie in the bed, John? Just to… Not to… Just to lie, together?”

John nodded and got to his feet, leading the way into the bedroom. The oil was sitting uncapped on the floor and he reached down and screwed the lid back on, putting it safely on the bedside table. “Do you want me to put my pants back on?”

Adi shook her head. “No. I would like to feel your skin.”

Surprise flickered across John’s face, and Adi sighed. “I do not wish to be afraid, John. I do not like being afraid. And you said that you had… that you… in the bathroom…”

John nodded, flushing again. It was incredibly embarrassing talking about the fact that he’d just jerked off. That was usually a really private, alone, kind of activity. Not something he did when other people were around, not something he then had to tell people he’d done.

But Adi was smiling lightly at him. “Well then, you are quite safe now. Come, I would like to feel all of your skin, John, so if you feel that you can remove your tops, I would like that too.” She herself had stripped down to just knickers, and was climbing into the bed, so John followed suit.

Adi cuddled up against him as she always did, and that surprised John too. She had such mercurial moods. Scared in one moment, trusting in the next. He didn’t understand it, but at least it meant that she recovered pretty quickly – when it was him. She hadn’t recovered quickly from Dr Quinten. And then it hit him. “Ohhh! Dr Quinten touched your face.”

Adi stiffened slightly in John’s embrace and then deliberately relaxed again. “Yes, he did. It was terrifying. I could see he was growing aroused and then… then he… then he touched my face.”

“Jesus, Adi. I didn’t understand before. But that… no wonder you were so scared.”

Adi nodded, snuggling in closer to John’s body. John meant safety. She could trust him. He had kept his word. He had not molested her or tried to force her, or even to touch her. He had simply left the room and dealt with his own needs. She reached up and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for keeping your word, John, for… for not forcing me, when you were aroused. I truly did not mean for that to happen. It never happened to any of my people when I massaged them.”

“You can do the other foot next time. Seems a shame to leave it out of the fun.” His tone was light-hearted and he hoped Adi would take it as the joke it obviously was.

She laughed, and he felt himself relax. “It does seem unfair, certainly.”

He tilted his head to kiss the top of her head and she snuggled in, rocking her head slightly against his chest to get comfortable. “I do so enjoy lying with you, John,” she said.

“I do too,” he whispered, surprising himself – not with the fact that he felt that way, but because he’d managed to just say it.

“Did your war games go well?”

“Yeah.” And John described what they’d done, all the different scenarios, and how Lorne’s team had only just managed to beat his own team.

Adi laughed at that. “Major Lorne is a courageous warrior, John. You should be proud that he led his team to victory.”

“I would’ve rather led my own team there,” he muttered, but his heart wasn’t in it. Such close scores simply meant they had a really strong base of troops. And that was all to the good. “What did you get up to while I was gone?” he asked.

And so it was Adi’s turn to tell him of her days, her work in Botany, her staff-fighting lesson with Corporal Tobias, her visits with Natol… while she was talking, her hand started to roam a little, caressing the hairs on John’s chest, running lightly over his skin, circling around his nipple, but never actually touching it.

John wasn’t troubled. He was about as sated as it was possible to be – two orgasms in the matter of a few hours. There was no way he’d be getting it up again, not tonight. Adi was safe to explore his chest, and he could just relax and listen to her stories.

When she spoke of the healing she’d managed for Matthew, he asked who had helped her.

“Corporal Hendrix and Corporal De Sousa came with me.”

“Hendrix and De Sousa? What the fuck? You can’t just get naked in front of random marines, Adi!”

Adi pulled back a little, tilting her head up to meet his eyes. There was a look of confusion on her face. “Carson said the same thing. He said that you would be very upset with him if he allowed it. And he pointed out that in your culture, you are only naked with someone when you are intending to be intimate with them. I had not realised that. Clothes were optional on my world, and I had not noticed that your people are always clothed in public.

John looked surprised. “It hadn’t occurred to you that being naked in front of people was… arousing?”

Adi shook her head. “The Bola Kai did not see my clothes as an impediment to raping me, John. And I walked naked amongst my own people without ever being touched in anything other than friendship. So no…” She sighed. “You must think me very naïve.” Then a sudden thought occurred to her and she gasped. “Oh! I was naked in the ocean on Capeliga, with you and Evan and Rodney!”

John smirked. “Yeah, you were. Rodney was quite shocked.”

Adi looked embarrassed, and John wriggled closer, pulling her back into position against his body. “It doesn’t matter, Adi. You’re safe with my team, you’re safe with Lorne. And it’s normal for you to be naked in front of people. Just... be a bit careful with it, be aware of who’s watching you. I wouldn’t want you just stripping off in front of random guys.”

Adi snuggled into John’s chest, comforted by his warmth, his strength. “Carson felt the same. So we compromised. I covered their eyes before I took off my clothes. They were all very understanding.”

“Well, that’s better than I was imagining. I’ll have to thank Carson for being so perceptive.”

Adi smiled. She loved snuggling with John. It felt safe. “I am glad you are back, John,” she said softly.

“Me too,” he said, tightening his arms for a moment. “But I’m pretty tired. Are we sleeping here, or do you want to head back?”

Adi looked around the room. The candles were starting to gutter now, but their fragrance still filled the air. “It is nice here. Can we stay?” She tensed. “But just to sleep.”

“Sure,” John said. “I promise.” His eyes were starting to close. “Good night.”

“Good night, John.” Adi let her eyes close, and concentrated on listening to John’s heartbeat. Her head lay directly over his heart, and it was comforting to hear that steady beat repeating over and over. She wasn’t even aware when she slid into sleep.

Chapter Text

John stood in the gate room, Lorne at his side, and a ZPM carry case in his hand. They were going to try and recharge the half-full ZPM that they’d been using before they’d found the full one on Capeliga, and the four full ones in the ZPM recharging facility.

The previous time they’d done this, the ZPM had been completely empty, and had taken over eighteen hours to recharge. This time, the ZPM was about thirty-five percent full, so there was no way to know for sure how long it would take. They could, of course, calculate an estimated time based on the eighteen hours, but maybe it would be exponentially quicker, since it was starting partially full. John had been loath to leave it alone there, in the facility, unattended, in case something went wrong.

Rodney had stared at him as if he were insane. “And by ‘something goes wrong’ you mean the recharging console explodes? Thereby igniting the energy inside the ZedPM and causing it to explode? Thus causing the entire moon to explode? And you’re saying you’d rather be there when that happens, instead of being safely here in Atlantis where your body won’t be blown apart with such force that even your constituent atoms will be vaporised?”

“Well… I guess you may have a point, McKay,” John had responded sheepishly.

“Yes, of course I have a point. A very valid point. Take the ZedPM, set it up, then get the hell out of there! We don’t know what it’ll do with a half-charged ZedPM. We know it worked okay when the ZedPM was completely empty. So let’s let the nice recharging console have a go, and we can check on its work a bit later… say, when it’s had a chance to try and recharge it.” He stared at John until John had given up and looked away.

So now John was standing next to Evan, half-charged ZPM at his side, ready to go and set it up before running back to Atlantis and safety.

The event horizon engaged and the MALP blundered its way forward and disappeared. A few moments later, Chuck called out, “You’re good to go, Colonel. Same environmental conditions as last time, and no life signs detected.”

John nodded and, glancing quickly at Lorne, they walked through the gate, emerging into the cool air in the secret facility.

It was a little disconcerting to be in a facility that felt so empty, so unpopulated, and John shivered lightly. The MALP had said no life signs, and he trusted it, but still…

Lorne had crossed to the DHD and was dialling home to send the MALP back, so John waited, and once that was done, they crossed to the ZPM lab. It was the work of moments to boot the recharging console up and open the case, extracting the half-full ZPM. Then John turned to Lorne. “Okay, you get to the DHD, be ready to dial on my mark. I’ll insert the ZPM and then we get the hell out of here.”

“Are we really expecting this to go catastrophically wrong?” Evan asked, his face concerned.

John sighed. “I wasn’t. But Rodney’s put rather a dent in my enthusiasm. I guess he has a point. Recharging an empty ZPM might be different to recharging a half-full one, and maybe we’re not meant to do that. I mean, with the first mobile phones, they always said to let them go completely flat before charging them. And maybe this is the same. So maybe it’ll just flash and say no. Or maybe it’ll just recharge it anyway. Or maybe it’ll overload and blow the moon to smithereens. I think we should probably be a bit cautious.”

“Okaaay. Shall I dial and send the GDO code before you insert it then? Give us a bit more time to get out if it’s going to overload?”

John shook his head. “I don’t want to put Atlantis at risk. McKay said a ZPM explosion would take out the whole moon. Not sure we want to trust the gate shield to hold back that kind of explosive force.”

Evan’s eyebrows rose and he sucked his top lip into his mouth. “Well, then… I guess I should say, it’s been an honour and a privilege to serve with you, Sir.” He was half serious.

John stared at him, eyes wide. “Um, likewise, Major.” He swallowed. “Not expecting to die today though, so… let’s just put this plan into action.”

“Yes, Sir,” Lorne said and headed out of the lab and across to the DHD. He activated his radio, saying, “I’m in position, Sir.”

John was actually feeling pretty nervous now. He’d sort of assumed McKay had just been doing his doom and gloom thing when he’d said everything could explode, but Lorne had taken the threat seriously, even going so far as to say his final words, and John’s hands were feeling clammy as he lifted the ZPM and gently seated it into the slot. Nothing happened for a moment, and then the console brought up the screen with the ZPM circle on it, and began to read the level of charge. John stood there waiting, and after a minute or so, his radio chirped. “Sir? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just reading the charge level. I haven’t started it yet.” The blue circle on the ZPM screen stopped at thirty-one percent, and sat there, so John carefully reached out and entered the command to recharge. Then he ran, shouting, “Dial it up, Major.”

The event horizon was forming as he ran into the lobby area, and Lorne was entering his GDO code. The moment it went green they ran through, appearing suddenly in Atlantis, John calling for the gate to be shut down.

Rodney’s eyes were huge as he hung over the balcony staring at them. “What happened? Is it exploding?”

John shook his head, then caught Lorne’s eyes. And suddenly they were both laughing. All the tension of the past few minutes dropping away from them in a gust of adrenaline-born hilarity.

Elizabeth looked over the balcony at them, then shook her head and went back into her office.

Lorne pulled himself together as Rodney came running down the staircase towards them. “I’ll meet you here in four hours, Sir, so we can go and check on it.” He was grinning as he headed out of the gate room.

John moved to follow him as Rodney came alongside and started pestering him with questions. He gave monosyllabic answers, knowing it would drive Rodney nuts, and so they made their way out of the gate room, John reflecting that safety after a little bit of danger was a great way to relieve stress.

John was standing in the queue to grab some lunch when his radio chirped. “Colonel Sheppard to the Control Room immediately.”

He cut out of the queue and jogged across the mess and along to the transporter. Moments later, he was standing behind Chuck’s console, Elizabeth at his elbow.

“The new long-range sensors have picked up Wraith ships, Sir.” Chuck pointed to his screen where a map of the local area of the galaxy was displayed, two red dots flashing angrily. “They came out of hyperspace here,” the map zoomed in, “and they should reach P2Y-489 within about half an hour at their current speed. It’s the planet where you rescued the kids that were lost in the snow, Sir.”

“Dial that planet immediately, Chuck.”

As Chuck did so, John turned to Elizabeth. “We can take jumpers, move the villagers into the caves – they block all transmissions. Maybe the Wraith won’t find them. Or at least we’ll have more chance of fighting them off.”

Elizabeth nodded her approval of the plan, and John asked Chuck to put him on city-wide. “Marine platoon Charlie and all military jumper pilots to the Jumper Bay. Gear up for a rescue mission. On the double.” And then he was gone, heading for the armoury himself.

John’s jumper was the first to descend down into the gate room and then they were through the event horizon and skimming towards the village. John was pushing the little ship forward. They didn’t have long. Within fifteen minutes at most, the Hives would be within range to start dropping darts from the skies…

He landed in the main square, the other jumpers landing behind the row of houses, and as the rear hatch opened, Teyla was already out the door, calling to everyone to come, quickly.

Trimen, the Head Man, was fast approaching, a smile on his face to see those who had aided them in the depths of winter, but his smile fell away when he saw their expressions.

“Wraith!” Teyla cried urgently. “They will be here within minutes. Please, your people must board the jumpers. Hurry. We shall fly you to the caves.”

All around them villagers were milling, heading for the jumpers without question. These Lanteans had rescued two of their children and had nursed them back to health. They trusted them without question, which was fortunate because there really wasn’t a lot of time.

As each jumper filled, it lifted off and headed west to the caves. John dropped his first load of passengers, sending Teyla and Rodney in with them to get them settled, while he and Ronon headed back to the village, passing more jumpers heading for the caves.

John sent a hope winging into the ether that all the recent jumper training, helping his pilots gain skills in hovering against mountainsides, would be paying off today.

He was just landing again in the village square when the first dart appeared on the HUD. “Engage cloaks,” he said through the radio, hoping all the jumper pilots would receive the message, even as Ronon was encouraging villagers to board. He could see people disappearing into thin air nearby – obviously another jumper there, and then his own jumper was full, and he took off, spearing towards the caves. There were only a handful of people left when he’d taken off, so hopefully they’d save them all.

He decanted his human cargo plus Ronon, at the main cave, and then turned and flew back towards the village. The remaining jumpers should have powered down somewhere out of the way, with Charlie Platoon in position to defend the cave itself, should the Wraith make it that far.

John could see the darts zipping backwards and forwards over the village itself, then screeching around in ever widening circles, seeking their prey. When they couldn’t find anyone there, several of the darts started attacking the buildings and the crops in the fields, but two of them flew towards the mountains, rematerializing a number of drone warriors on the cliff path. Damn!

John brought his jumper in close against the edge of the cliff, watching the action as the drones moved towards the cave where the villagers were hiding. Charlie platoon opened fire and John could see the red streaks of Ronon’s pulse pistol firing as well. Several drones fell off the edge of the path, plummeting to their death, while others succumbed to the sheer number of bullets that had been pumped into their bodies. But the other darts had now worked out where the humans had gone, and more and more Wraith were being rematerialized along that path.

John considered firing a drone into the pack of Wraith, but he was worried that he’d actually destabilise the cliff there, and certainly they’d lose the path itself. He didn’t want to cause extra problems for the villagers, so instead, he went after the darts, launching a drone into each one that he could see, and enjoying the resulting explosions. Some of the other jumper pilots got into the action as well, and it didn’t take long for every dart to be destroyed.

Flying his jumper back to the cliff edge, John could see his marines had done an excellent job, staying ahead of the attack. Only a few of the Wraith seemed to have made it close enough to even think of physically threatening them, and even those were now lying in crumpled heaps.

John decloaked and came in close enough to signal his marines with his hands through the windscreen, using the universal military signal for ‘all clear’, and the marines moved from cover towards the Wraith bodies, carefully approaching them, then rolling the bodies off the edge of the cliff to ensure they were definitely dead. The mix of height and gravity were great equalisers.

Leaving them to it, John flew across the village and the fields, checking out the damage. It was pretty extensive. Several of the houses had been destroyed, others damaged, and the fields were all ablaze. There probably wasn’t going to be much to salvage there.

He returned to the cliff itself, and landed the jumper, dropping the hatch and calling for McKay. Rodney came towards him, face lit with relief at seeing John safe. John gestured him to board. “We need to check if the Hives are leaving or staying.”

“Oh, right, yes,” Rodney said.

John turned to Teyla who had come out onto the ledge. “Keep everyone here while Rodney and I check if it’s safe to come out yet.”

Teyla nodded and turned away, and John moved back to the pilot seat. Rodney was babbling away, telling him the details of the fight at the cave mouth, and John listened with one ear while he took the jumper up through the atmosphere into space. The HUD was showing no sign of the Wraith hives at all, and visual inspection confirmed it. They’d gone.

Dropping back down to the planet, John dialled Atlantis. “Chuck, what can you see on those long-range scanners?”

“The Hive ships have disappeared, Sir.”

“Acknowledged.”

“Is everything okay?” Elizabeth’s voice asked.

“Yeah. We got everyone into the caves. Took out a hell of a lot of Wraith, and all the darts. But they’ve blasted the village pretty well, and they’ve set fire to the fields. McKay and I are heading back now. We’ll get the villagers resettled, and work out what supplies they’re going to need.”

“Keep us updated, Colonel.”

“Will do,” John said, then turned the jumper and headed for the cliffs.

By the time it was all done, with the villagers returned to their damaged homes and the fires extinguished, several hours had passed. The marines, including the jumper pilots, had helped with clearing the rubble from the partially damaged homes, and had even managed to piece a few of them back together.

John met with Major Lorne to one side of the village square.

“I’ve got a list of supplies that they’ll need, Sir,” Lorne said.

“Dial it through to Atlantis, Major.”

Lorne nodded and moved away, and John turned to Trimen. “Do you have enough complete homes to shelter your people, Trimen?” John asked, gazing around at the ants nest of activity going on around them.

“We do, Colonel Sheppard. And it is thanks to you that we have so many people that need homes tonight.” His eyes filled with tears. “We can never repay your actions here today. A culling is a devastating event, but this time… this time we were saved. We have lost food and houses… but no people. And that is all that matters. Homes can be rebuilt, food can be regrown, but if you lose your loved ones, your community, then there is nothing.” He bowed his head to John, and John returned the gesture, feeling embarrassed.

“Major Lorne’s gone to arrange for the supplies you need, Trimen,” he said, trying to get the conversation back onto a logistical footing. “We’ll send them through as soon as we’ve got them together.”

Trimen nodded. “Fortunately the crops had only been in the fields for a short time. It is still early in the season. We will be able to replant. But your people must be weary from all this unexpected labour. You will be wanting to take them home. We will be well, Colonel. We have one another to lean on as we rebuild.”

As Trimen moved away, John tapped his radio, calling his troops home. They boarded the jumpers and the little fleet flew towards the gate, disappearing through the wormhole and back to the safety of Atlantis.

John made his way to the mess, a hot shower behind him. He and Lorne still needed to go and check on the progress of the ZPM, but he really needed to refuel first. Breakfast had been a very, very long time ago. He chose to go with the burger rather than the stew, thinking it'd be quicker, and sat at his team table, the first to arrive. It was only a minute or two before Ronon, then Teyla and finally Rodney joined him. The conversation was superficial, just a team winding down after a successful but stressful and physically challenging mission.

Across the mess, John could see Lorne plowing his way quickly through his own burger and chips, and decided he probably had time to eat his pudding cup as well, given where Lorne was up to. A little bit of sauce dripped out of the burger and ran down Lorne’s chin, and his tongue poked out, licking it back up. John swallowed and averted his gaze, reaching for his pudding cup and grabbing his spoon.

Finishing up, he stood and headed out, but then deviated via his quarters for a pack of cards and a packet of toothpicks. They had no way of telling how long the ZPM would take to re-energise. If he and Lorne decided to wait there for it to be done, at least they’d have something to entertain themselves with. A sudden vision of other ways they could entertain themselves flashed through John’s mind, and he viciously stomped on it. No! That was never going to happen. He was surprised to find himself feeling so horny, given what had happened yesterday in both his shower and with Adi… that should’ve lasted him for a fair while. Although the aftermath of having been in danger always did have this sort of effect on him. Still… he secured the cards in the side pocket of his BDU pants, feeling comforted that he was bringing a decent distraction along.

He met Lorne in the gate room and Amelia dialled the base. The MALP disappeared through the ripple of blue and they waited for the verdict. “All clear, Sir,” Amelia called. “Everything intact, no life signs.”

John raised his eyebrows at Lorne and they walked through the gate together. On the other side, they headed for the ZPM lab. The little blue circle was sitting at ninety seven percent.

“Wow!” John exclaimed. “That’s way quicker than the last one charged then.” He did a rapid calculation. “It’s been here for ten hours, and based on the speed of the last one, it should’ve taken at least twelve and a half hours.” He glanced back at the screen and the blue colouring moved along a little, changing the charge to ninety-eight percent. “Well then, I guess we wait.”

Lorne nodded his agreement, and they settled at a nearby lab bench, John’s card deck between them, the toothpicks divided up for betting. They played a hand of poker, then another, then a third. Lorne was winning, and John looked at him with a jaundiced eye. “Misspent youth, Major?”

Evan laughed. “Yes, Sir. I spent a lot of time at my uncle’s work as a kid. He managed a bar. Rough clientele. But they were nice enough to me. Taught me how to play Poker and Blackjack, and a few other games we won’t mention.”

“Taught you how to cheat?”

Evan looked up swiftly. “Well, yes. But I’m not cheating, Sir. Not with you.”

The words hung in the air between them, and Evan blushed, then laid his cards down and went to check on the ZPM console. “Ninety-nine percent, Sir.”

“It’s taking longer than I expected,” John responded, walking across to look at the monitor too.

“Maybe it’s like a computer upgrade when it says there’s only five minutes to go… but it says that for three hours.”

John smirked. “Yeah. Been there, done that. All right, let’s see if I can beat you this time around.”

They resumed their game, and mid-way through the fifth round, the ZPM machine beeped at them. “Thank God!” John exclaimed, happily tossing his useless hand onto the table.

Evan laughed as he gathered up the cards. “I guess chess is more your game, Sir?”

“Yeah. Definitely. I can whip McKay’s ass in chess. This game… clearly not my forte.” He was lifting the fully charged ZPM out of its slot as he spoke. He carefully nestled it into the foam-lined carry case and snapped the lid shut. “Ready?”

“Yep.” Lorne came up alongside him and handed over the cards.

John considered asking Lorne to open the pocket on his BDUs and put the cards in for him, but the thought of Evan’s head wafting near John’s crotch had him quickly putting the ZPM case back down and storing the cards away himself.

Lightly flushed, he picked the ZPM case up again and led them out to the DHD. Lorne dialled, sent through the GDO code, and they were through to Atlantis.

“Thanks, Major,” John said as he headed up the stairs to report. Even though it was after 2000hrs, Elizabeth was still waiting for him, standing on the balcony watching as he approached.

She nodded at the ZPM case. “I assume it worked?”

“Yep. Last two percent took about an hour, but it’s all done now. I’ll drop it off with Rodney and he can check it for any glitches.”

“And the plan with this one is…?”

“Well, I thought we could swap it with the one on Keras’ planet, that’s running their shield. Then we could recharge that one, and keep it as a spare to power any Ancient facilities we find, or switch it out if we find other depleted ZPMs.”

Elizabeth nodded. “Sounds good, Colonel. Carry on.”

John headed for the labs, knowing Rodney would likely still be there. Even with his relationship with Dr Rowen, he was still pretty predictable. Knowing John would be returning with a full ZPM, Rodney was unlikely to be anywhere else.

The door swished open and Rodney was indeed there, sitting at his desk, alone in the lab.

“Brought you a ZPM, McKay,” John said, as he walked through the doors.

Rodney swung around, his eyes lighting up. “Excellent! Gimme, gimme.” His hands were reaching even as he spoke, and John put the carry case down on the bench next to him and flicked the lid up.

“Ah,” Rodney said, the sound reflecting awe. “It doesn’t seem to matter how many of these we have, it’s still an exceptionally exciting moment to see another one.”

John nodded in agreement. It was. It definitely was. The shiny, colourful, weird glass shape had become synonymous with survival, and having another completely full energy module in their grasp was very reassuring.

“I’ll leave you to check it out, then.”

Rodney didn’t even look up as John exited the lab, and he laughed to himself. McKay was so predictable. And so John headed for his room to have a shower and get cleaned up, before going hunting for Adi.

Rodney had checked the ZedPM was fully charged and not booby-trapped in any way, before realising he hadn’t asked Sheppard for any of the details of the recharging process. Huffing to himself he glanced at the clock, surprised at the time. Susie would be expecting him to pop by tonight and he was already running late. Although she’d understand - a ZedPM was pretty special, after all.

He left the lab and made his way quickly to the living quarters to take a shower. But as he stepped out of the transporter, he saw Sheppard emerge from his room and walk further down the hall towards where Rodney’s room was. Huh! He could ask him about the ZedPM process now.

He called out, but Sheppard was already out of view around a bend in the corridor. So Rodney headed down the hallway, trying to work out where Sheppard could be going. There wasn’t much down there… a few other people had their quarters there, but Sheppard knew Rodney was in his lab, so he couldn’t be visiting him. And then Rodney remembered that Adi had a balcony at the end of the corridor, a balcony she’d populated with plants so that it looked like a forest. Perhaps Sheppard was checking on her for some reason.

Rodney paused at his own room for a brief moment, just to check Sheppard wasn't waiting inside, and then carried on to the end of the hallway. He swiped his hand over the balcony controller and the doors opened silently, and suddenly, right there before his eyes, Rodney saw Sheppard and Adi… kissing.

They were kissing!

Kissing!

Rodney gasped in shock, and Adi instantly pulled away from Sheppard’s body, her arms coming up in defence, but Rodney didn’t even notice. His whole being was flooding with feelings of betrayal. “What the hell is this? When… what… how…?” And then he swivelled on his heel and got the hell out, the doors closing behind him as he almost ran to his quarters, getting inside, closing the door, leaning back against it as he tried to process what he’d seen.

There was a pounding on his door, and Sheppard’s voice was shouting, “Rodney, open the door.”

Rodney shook his head. But a moment later, the door opened anyway, and he stumbled backwards, colliding with Sheppard’s body.

John held him upright and then pushed him into his room, following behind. “What the hell, McKay?”

“You… she… you asshole!” Rodney’s face was flushed, anger pouring through him. “I thought you were my friend!”

John looked pretty taken aback at that comment, but Rodney didn’t care. “I told you everything about Susie and me, everything. And here you are, running around with a girlfriend, and you didn’t even have the common courtesy to tell me. Some friend you turned out to be.”

“Hey, calm down, McKay.”

But Rodney was feeling hurt, and anger was better than tears. “No, I won’t calm down. What sort of friend doesn’t tell you when he’s found someone? What sort of friend hides his relationship from you? You didn’t even tell me you were interested in her, Sheppard!”

“Hey! I am your friend, Rodney. But you haven’t really been around recently, have you? All caught up in Susie. And this is… it’s private. You might be the sort to kiss and tell, but I’m really not.”

“Obviously!” Rodney shouted. “So you haven’t told anyone, then? Is that what you’re saying? No-one else knows and I’m the first to find out?”

John averted his gaze suddenly, his expression morphing from anger to shame, and Rodney took a step back. “So, I’m the last to know. Yeah. I can see how much my friendship means to you.”

John took a deep breath, calming himself. One of them needed to get control of this conversation. He crossed to Rodney’s bed and sat on the edge. “Look, Teyla figured it out herself, because… well, you know… Teyla.”

Rodney nodded, his arms crossed tightly across his chest, trying to cover up the hurt.

“Ronon… he saw us… on Capeliga. So, he’s, um, he’s known, since then.” John’s hand was unconsciously rubbing the back of his neck.

“On Capeliga? That was weeks ago.”

“Um, yeah. And Lorne… well, uh… Adi told him. Sort of.”

Rodney huffed out a breath, the tension dropping away. He sat on the bed next to John. “So you didn’t tell anyone. Not on purpose?”

“No! No, I… it’s really… it’s personal, Rodney. I… it’s…”

“Okay, stop there. Just… why didn’t you tell me? I thought we were friends. And surely getting a girlfriend is something that you’d tell a friend.” Rodney’s tone was full of hurt and confusion.

“We are friends, Rodney. You… you’re my best friend. I—I just… it’s… it’s really hard, for me…”

Rodney sighed. “Right. You’re not so much with the emotional sharing. So how long have you been dating? You’re obviously sleeping with her, if that kiss is anything to go by, so I assume it’s been a while?”

John abruptly stood and started pacing. “We don’t… we… I… we’re not…” He stopped and looked at Rodney. “She asked me… after Dr Quinten… she—she’s scared… she wanted help…”

Rodney’s eyebrows rose. “So you haven’t slept with her then? You’re… what? Helping her get over the trauma of being raped?”

John gulped and nodded. “Yeah. Sort of. It’s… hard.”

Rodney’s genius mind was fast at work though. “Hang on, Dr Quinten was after we were on Capeliga. And you said Ronon saw you with her on Capeliga. So that timeline doesn’t hang together.” He gazed expectantly at John, waiting for more.

“We… before… we…” John huffed out a breath and sat abruptly down on the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around them. He dropped his head onto his knees, feeling out of his depth.

Rodney watched him for a few moments, then got off the bed and pulled a couple of bottles out of his bar fridge. He popped the caps and sat on the floor in front of John, silently handing him one. They sat in silence for a while, just drinking and not talking at all.

Then Rodney spoke. “Do you love her?”

John lifted his head sharply, looking at Rodney in consternation.

“It’s a simple question, Sheppard. Do you love her?”

John averted his gaze, as he nodded his head, jerkily. Then he buried his head against his knees again.

Rodney processed that for a moment. The hurt-friend feeling had backed off once he’d realised that John hadn’t been running around telling everyone but Rodney, but there was another sort of hurt feeling going on, and he wasn’t sure what that was. “How long have you been seeing her?”

There was silence for a while, and then John lifted his head. “A while… I guess.”

“You guess? When was your first date?”

John sighed in frustration. “We—we don’t… It’s not like that, Rodney.”

“Then what is it like? Because that kiss looked like you’ve been doing that for a while.”

John shook his head. “Did you notice where my hands were, McKay?”

Rodney scrunched his face up as he tried to think where Sheppard’s hands had been. But all his attention had been on their lips, their bodies touching all the way from mouths to knees. Adi’s arms around Sheppard’s neck. He shook his head.

“I—I can’t… touch her.”

And then Rodney could see it. He’d had a side-on view of Adi’s body pressed up against Sheppard’s, Sheppard’s head tilted down, and their lips locked together. But if he’d seen all of that, then Sheppard’s arm hadn’t been around her or he’d have seen it. “So, what? She kisses you, but you can’t touch her?”

John nodded, his head dropping down onto his knees again. His voice came muffled. “We’re… we’re just trying… just… she’s really scared. Of my hands. Really scared.”

“But you’d never hurt her!” Rodney blustered, all his protective instincts rising up. “You’re not the sort of man who’d ever take advantage of someone else. What’s she got to be scared of? That’s ridiculous.”

John lifted his head and stared at Rodney. “She was raped, McKay. Pack raped. She’d never had sex before. That was her first experience. And she’s scared.”

“Oh, right, yeah, okay.” Rodney deflated again, all the fight going out of him.

John shook his head. “She—she’s okay with hugging. But not with… other stuff. But… she wants to try.”

“So you’re dating a woman that you can’t have sex with? That’s very un-Kirk-like of you.”

John huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, well, news flash. I was only ever Kirk in your head.”

“So why aren’t you telling anyone? You have to know that if everyone knew Adi was dating the Military Commander of Atlantis, she’d be safe from any romantic overtures? All that mess with Dr Quintal, or whatever, would never have happened.”

John’s eyes were suddenly wide and round, a very ‘deer in the headlights’ look and Rodney sighed, “You don’t want anyone to know.”

John shook his head, looking pretty miserable.

“And she’s okay with being in a secret relationship with you?

“Yeah. I guess. We… we haven’t really… talked about it…”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Of course, you haven’t.” He sighed again. “I wish you’d’ve told me.”

John looked up and met his eyes. “I didn’t… I wasn’t….” His shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Me too. For, you know, shouting at you.”

John gave him a weak smile. “I’m sorry you found out that way.”

Rodney nodded. “So is that what Ronon saw? Adi kissing you?”

John shook his head, looking a little hunted. “No… she—she was, um, she was… sleeping… with me.” He averted his gaze, staring at a spot on the floor.

“Is that why we had to move cabins. So you could sleep with her?”

John lifted his eyes back up, brow furrowing lightly. “Yeah, but… she was scared… of the marines. I—I wasn’t going to… I was just going to be there, but… she couldn’t sleep.”

Rodney nodded. “She was too scared to fall asleep, so you let her sleep with you, and so she felt safe because you were right there. I can see that.”

“Yeah.”

Rodney took the last swig from his bottle, and then glanced at his watch. Susie would almost have given up on him now. He looked at Sheppard, still sitting there with his knees bent, his arm wrapped around them. “Are we… are we okay, Sheppard?”

John looked startled, then nodded. “Yeah. Course we are.”

“Okay, well, Susie’s kind of expecting me, so…”

John’s eyes widened. “You can’t tell her, Rodney.”

“Seriously? You want it kept that quiet?”

John nodded. “Yeah, please. I... It’s just… it’s really personal.”

Rodney rolled his eyes and got to his feet. “Okay. It’s your relationship. If you want to keep it hidden, it’s your choice.” He shook his head, picked up his empty bottle and reached for John’s too, putting them in the bin by his desk.

John was standing by the door, shuffling his foot back and forwards, his eyes facing down. As Rodney came close, he spoke softly. “Thanks… thanks for…” He stopped, and lifted his head, catching Rodney’s eyes. “Thanks, Rodney. You’re a good friend.”

Rodney grinned. “Of course I am. I’m the best sort of friend to have.” He thought the door open, and stepped out into the hallway. “And now I’m going to go and be the best sort of boyfriend, and I can tell you, Susie has no complaints about my performance in the bedroom.”

“Ew! Too much information, McKay!”

Rodney laughed and disappeared up the hall, and John stood and considered what to do now. He’d pretty much abandoned Adi and bolted after Rodney, so he should probably go check on her. He walked down to the forest balcony, but she wasn’t there. So he went up to her room and thought the door open. The lights were off, and he could see a lump in the bed. He thought the lights up a little and called out softly, “Adi, it’s John. I’m in your room.”

Adi sat up and stared at him, blinking in the dim light. “Oh. Are you all right? Is Rodney all right?”

John came across to the bed and sat down on the edge. “Yeah. We… talked.”

Adi leaned away from him, gazing at him in consternation. “John, have you been drinking alcohol?”

“Um, yeah. Rodney gave me a beer, or… something. Tasted a bit weird.”

“Oh.” She slid out of the bed on the far side, away from John. “I—I would prefer that we talk about this tomorrow, John, if you are not in distress now.”

John looked at her. She was obviously unsettled. “I’m not drunk, Adi. I only had one beer.”

Adi shook her head mutely.

John sighed. “Okay. Tomorrow. Alcohol free. Gotcha.” He stood and walked back across to the door. Then he turned. “I wouldn’t hurt you, Adi, even if I was really drunk. Rodney says I’m not that kinda guy.” And he let himself out.

He headed for his own room, but then turned around and made his way to the transporter. Since he was still awake and apparently had nothing better to do, he’d go do his nightly rounds properly this time, and then sleep alone in his cold bed. Bloody Rodney and his bottle of beer. John felt he should’ve anticipated Adi’s likely reaction to being alone with a drunk guy. He bet the Bola Kai had been drunk a lot.

He checked in with the Control Room, chatted for a bit with his guys on gate room duty – night shift was pretty boring for them – and wandered down to the labs. There was no-one there, Rodney no doubt shacked up with his girlfriend, making her happy. John shut that line of thinking down pretty quickly. The mess was empty too, but Lorne was in the firing range. John let the door shut behind him and wandered down the length of the range towards where Lorne was busy killing his target.

“Nice,” he said, when Lorne laid down his weapon and pressed the button to bring the target towards him.

“Thanks, Sir. Did you need me for something?”

“No,” John replied. He wasn’t really sure why he’d even checked out the gun range, he didn’t usually. But he was feeling a bit despondent, a bit rejected. And all that emotional shit with Rodney had been pretty draining.

“Okay,” Lorne replied, and hooked up a new target, sending it back into position. When he re-seated his earmuffs and picked up his weapon, John moved back to the cleaning table and hopped up on it, leaning back against the wall, swinging his legs a little and just watching Lorne firing. It was quite soothing.

He sat there for about half an hour, his mind slowly wafting back through the day. It’d been pretty draining all up. The ZPM factory – that’d been scary this morning, wondering if they were going to be blown apart; the Wraith attack on the snow planet – although it’d been early spring there this time, so he should probably think of a better name for it; going back to collect the ZPM – that moment when Lorne had seemed to be saying he respected John too much to cheat him at cards (John smiled at that memory); then kissing Adi – bittersweet really – it felt great, but he wanted to touch her; and then the whole argument with Rodney – he’d never talked that much about his own feelings to Rodney before, and it’d been really hard to do, but Rodney had deserved better than to find out like that - John should’ve told him; and then Adi – scared of him because he’d been drinking. John sighed and closed his eyes, his legs stilling.

After a while, he noticed small noises nearby, and opening his eyes he saw that Lorne had finished shooting and was sitting at the table, dismantling and cleaning his gun. John took a deep breath and sat up a little.

Evan lifted his eyes up to meet John’s. “Is everything okay, Sir? You seem a bit…”

“Adi doesn’t like drunk guys near her,” John said morosely, then shook his head in consternation. Jeez! What sort of beer had Rodney fed him? He didn’t usually lose control of his tongue with one beer.

Lorne was eyeing him, concern in his gaze. “Oh, well, I guess I can see why that’d be. But you’ll be sober tomorrow.”

“I’m sober now,” John said. “Well, mostly sober. Well… I’m not actually sure now, since I’m sitting here talking to you about this.”

Lorne laughed. “So it takes alcohol to get you to talk about your feelings then, Sir?”

John smirked at him. “I guess so.” He slid off the table onto the floor. “Good night, Major.”

“Good night, Sir,” Lorne responded, his voice warm and caring. Or was that really just John’s imagination? He shook his head and made his way to his quarters.

It was as he was climbing into his lonely bed that he suddenly remembered Adi’s words. She’d been wary of him because he’d been drinking. But she’d checked if he was upset – she’d said she wanted him to go unless he was distressed. That suggested that if he had been upset, she would’ve let him stay… even if he had been drunk. Huh! That meant she really did trust him. John smiled to himself, then curled up under the blankets and was asleep ten seconds later.

Chapter Text

John woke with a headache. Bloody hell! What the hell kind of drink had Rodney given him? He remembered sitting in the gun range – just sitting there – watching Lorne’s body as he was shooting. Fuck! Hopefully Lorne was just going to put that down to being drunk and feeling rejected and nothing more. He rolled over and slowly put his running gear on.

An hour later, John was in the mess, showered and clean. The headache hadn’t been helped by the pace Ronon had set on their morning jog, but it had at least responded to a nice, hot shower and a couple of tylenol. He grabbed a tray, picked some things for breakfast and headed for the team table.

He was making his way through his stack of pancakes, Teyla and Ronon sitting in silent companionship beside him, when there was a flutter across the mess signalling the morning hug in. Teyla leaned over to give John her customary Athosian embrace before rising to join the general melee. Ronon had long since leapt out of his chair and launched himself at the expedition members, determined, as always, to hug as many of them as he could. John smiled to himself, watching Ronon’s enthusiasm.

He stayed sitting alone at his table, still unable to face the thought of joining in. Even after all these months of hugging Adi, of getting a bit more used to having emotions, he still didn’t want random people inside his personal space, touching him, getting up close and personal with him.

Then he spotted Adi and watched as she walked straight into Lorne’s arms, snuggling up against him. Lorne’s arms closed around her, his head coming down to rest against her neck. It looked pretty personal, pretty intimate. John kept his expression carefully neutral. Adi pulled back from the hug but Evan didn’t let go completely, just ran his hands up her arms and rested them on her shoulders. He was asking her a question and she was responding, nodding, smiling at him – a grateful smile. Then she reached in for another quick hug before leaning back and cupping his cheek for a moment, gazing up into his eyes.

John’s heart stuttered. Jeez they looked comfortable together. He averted his gaze, staring down at his pancakes. The fake maple syrup was congealing, the pancakes cooling. It looked pretty unappetising now. There was rustle beside him.

“Good morning, Colonel.”

John glanced up. Adi was there, smiling at him – a little tentatively.

“Hey, Adi.” He pushed his chair back and stood. “Fully sober here.”

Adi nodded. “I am sorry about that. I—”

“Don’t be,” John said quickly, cutting her off. “I should’ve realised.”

Adi smiled. “Would you like a hug this morning, Colonel?”

He nodded, and Adi moved in against his body, just as she always did. John sent a little spark of thanks up into the ether. She wasn’t scared of him this morning. Good.

Adi held on for longer than usual, and John found himself wishing that he’d counted. She’d hugged Lorne for fifteen seconds this morning, but he was thinking he was probably up to nearly thirty by the time she pulled away. She was beaming up at him, her eyes sparkling, dimples showing. And then she was gone, moving away to hug Zelenka and Miko. As John started to sit, he was blindsided by Ronon’s bear hug, lifting him up and swinging him around. “Jesus, Ronon! Give a guy a bit of notice!”

And then they were all sitting back down, everyone finding their way back to their tables and resuming their interrupted breakfasts, and John turned back to his pancakes.

Rodney appeared beside him, dropping his tray on the table with a clatter and rubbing his hands together as he sat. He started in on his breakfast with gusto, mixing pancakes with bacon and chewing noisily. After his first couple of mouthfuls, he leaned forward. “Does it bother you that Adi hugs Lorne like that?” he asked.

John’s head came up sharply as he hissed, “McKay!”

“What? You said Teyla and Ronon knew.”

John swallowed, looking furtively around at the nearby tables. No-one was paying them any attention.

“Anyway, it’d bother me if Susie was hugging some other guy like that. They looked pretty cosy together.”

John glared at him. “They’re friends,” he ground out.

“That looked like a lot more than friends,” Rodney continued, seemingly oblivious to John’s mood. He popped another forkful of breakfast into his mouth, then spoke through it, “And you said Lorne knew… so what’s he doing muscling in on your territory anyway?”

John abruptly stood, threw down his fork and left the mess.

Rodney watched him go in consternation, then turned to Teyla. She was glaring at him too.

“What?” Rodney asked, perplexed.

“John prefers to keep his private life private, Rodney. It is not something he wishes to discuss in the mess, with so many people about.”

“Oh,” Rodney said, and sat back, considering Teyla’s words. “But I was right, wasn’t I? Adi and Major Lorne are way too close if she’s supposed to be dating Sheppard.”

“Nah,” Ronon said. “She trusts him. He’s blue-green. She hugs me like that too, and Smithers.”

“Really?” Rodney asked, hurt filling his face. “The hugs she gives me are barely a second or two long, and I know she trusts me. I mean, what’s not to trust? I rescued her too, you know.” His tone was plaintive.

“Your aura is not compatible with Adi’s,” Teyla reminded him. “It is uncomfortable for her to hug you Rodney, yet still she does so, as a mark of respect and friendship, and in recognition of your importance in her life.”

Rodney perked up at that, looking quite chuffed in fact. “I knew it! She does trust me. And I’m important to her – you just said so.” He beamed at them, then shovelled the last mouthful in, chewing happily.

Teyla smiled despite herself. Rodney’s happiness was always a joy to see. But she felt that he hadn’t fully realised the extent of his misstep with John. She leaned forward. “Adi has many friends in Atlantis, Rodney, and she is used to freely expressing her friendship with physical contact. It is unkind to suggest to John that her affections are being shared with others, simply because she is seen to hug them.”

“Oh,” Rodney said. “Right, okay.”

Ronon stood. “Got that mission this morning. Better get going.”

Rodney gulped the last of his coffee and gathered his tray – then picked up Sheppard’s too, as he followed Ronon and Teyla out of the mess.

Rodney boarded the jumper last and made his way to the co-pilot’s seat.

“Nice of you to join us, McKay,” John drawled.

“I had things to do, Sheppard. I do have other duties, rather important duties, aside from being on this team. Leaving my minions unsupervised is always a recipe for disaster.” He reached over and placed a muffin on the console between them. “Here, you didn’t eat your muffin at breakfast.”

John reached out his hand to dial the kids’ planet, then picked up the muffin as he thought the jumper down through the hatch in the floor, dropping into the gate room. “Thanks, McKay,” he said, as the jumper zipped through the event horizon and emerged into broad sunshine.

Munching slowly on his muffin – and recognising it as the peace offering it was – John brought up the location of the planet’s shield on the HUD. He headed towards the main village, keeping a close eye on the edge of the shield. No way was he crashing the jumper today.

Ronon and Teyla were making desultory conversation in the back, discussing some marine and his performance in Teyla’s bantos class, so John turned his head slightly towards Rodney. “What was in that beer last night? I had a hell of a headache when I woke up this morning.”

“Oh, yes, packs quite the punch, doesn’t it? It’s not beer. Jeannie sent it. It’s a really strong cider. About fourteen percent alcohol. Molson is only five percent. So I usually only have one.”

John turned his head fully to stare at Rodney. “Jeez, McKay! You might’ve warned me.”

“Well, I was a bit distracted at the time.” He pointed to the HUD. “You need to watch where you’re flying, Colonel. You’re about to crash.”

John swung his head back around to the front. They weren’t about to crash, but they were getting close. Within a couple of minutes he brought the jumper down, just outside the radius of effect of the dampening shield.

The team all piled out and started the trek towards Keras’ village. McKay was lugging the ZedPM case, but John knew from experience it wasn’t that heavy. And even though there was almost zero chance of anything bad happening to them here, he still preferred to keep Ronon, Teyla and himself available to deal with threats, not busy carrying equipment.

They were just inside the tree line when two whirlwinds approached them, shouting loudly in welcome. It was Casta and Cleya, and John laughed as they attached themselves to Rodney. He was pushing them away, trying to get free, and they were having none of it. Teyla was laughing too, and even Ronon was smiling.

And then Keras appeared through the trees, a tiny baby in his arms, with Ares to one side, and Pelius to the other. They greeted each other as old friends – even Ares had come to accept the Lanteans meant them no harm. Once their mission was explained, Keras managed to get Costa and Cleya to leave Rodney alone, and he and his companions accompanied John and his team through the forest to the cave where the shield console was located.

It didn’t take Rodney long to swap the nearly empty ZedPM for the fully charged one they’d brought with them. He and Ronon re-emerged into the sunshine to find everyone else seated on logs and rocks, catching up on the local news.

Keras had proudly introduced everyone to his new son, a healthy babe of two months age. Rodney was a bit shocked to find Sheppard holding the baby, staring down into his tiny face, and running his finger gently over his forehead. He knew Sheppard got on well with kids, liked to play with them, was good at joking with them, but it hadn’t occurred to him that he’d like babes-in-arms as well. Rodney couldn’t see the attraction, himself. Babies couldn’t tell you what they needed – they had only one cry and it was up to the carer to guess the problem, which was a very inefficient system – and a lot of very unpleasant fluids came out of them, from both ends. He stared at Sheppard, a look of mild repugnance on his face.

“Have you finished, Rodney?” Teyla asked, and Rodney turned to her.

“Yes, yes. It’s all done. The shield’s up and running again, and should last another ten thousand years, or more.” He turned to Keras. “If you want to expand the area that’s covered, I can re-program the console, so you can, you know, keep procreating.” He looked with distaste at the baby in Sheppard’s arms.

Keras laughed. He had a strong appreciation for Rodney’s quirks. “Thank you. If we need to expand beyond our current borders, we will contact you and accept your offer. For now, there is plenty of space.” He invited them to share a meal, and so, as a large happy group, they headed into the village proper.

It was early afternoon when Teyla made her way down to the infirmary. The mission to Keras’ planet had been very peaceful, and it was always a pleasure to socialise with friends on other worlds. It had been an especial joy to see so many of the adults growing past the age of twenty-five. They were moving through uncharted waters now, but Keras was a strong leader, and was guiding the development of his people’s new culture with wisdom and understanding. She had seen him pull the Colonel aside for a good half hour chat, no doubt seeking guidance for the way ahead.

They’d arrived back in Atlantis in time for Teyla to quickly change from her off-world Lantean gear into one of her traditional Athosian outfits, because this afternoon she would be accompanying Natol to the Athosian settlement, to join his new family.

Adi was waiting in the infirmary, sitting with Natol, as Teyla entered the room.

“Taa-yu,” Natol cried out when he saw her, a small smile lighting his face and Teyla smiled in response.

“I am pleased to see you, too, Natol,” Teyla said as she approached the bed, reaching down to give Natol her greeting. “Are you ready to accompany me, now? We will fly in a jumper to the mainland, and Indira and Balith will meet us there.”

Natol glanced quickly at Adi for reassurance.

“We spoke of this Natol. And I will be coming too, to help you get settled.” Adi reached for a pair of shoes and carefully fitted them for him.

Teyla lifted him from the bed to the floor, then took his hand, Adi walking alongside, and they made their way out of the infirmary, waving to Carson as they went.

Sergeant Stackhouse was waiting in the Jumper Bay, and he grinned at Natol as they entered, offering him the co-pilot’s chair. Teyla sat there with the little boy on her knee, so he could see out of the front window, while Adi stood behind the Sergeant, her hand resting on his neck. She had been holding Natol’s hand for more than twenty minutes before Teyla had arrived, the little boy feeling nervous of the change in his circumstances, and needing her touch to feel safe. Adi was happy to provide whatever comfort she could, but the clashing of their aura energies was draining and unpleasant. Not for the first time, she wished that Natol’s aura had been of a more compatible colour.

By the time they arrived, Adi was calm again, and she smiled at Stackhouse in thanks as he thought the rear hatch open. He wasn’t staying. They planned to remain for several hours, helping Natol to settle in, so someone would fly out to retrieve them in the early evening.

As Teyla, Natol and Adi descended the ramp into the clearing, Indira, Balith and a small boy came hurrying towards them.

“We saw the jumper flying past,” Indira said. She knelt down in front of Natol. “I am so very pleased that you have come, Natol.” She reached forward and drew him into a gentle hug. Then Balith did the same, before they introduced their four-year-old son, Mikal.

Mikal beamed at Natol, hugging him tightly. “I have always wanted a baby brother,” he said. And that seemed to cement the friendship. The two boys headed for the village, holding hands, and the adults trailed along behind.

After an hour or so, Adi could see that Natol was feeling safe and welcomed in his new community, and had no need for her to stay so closely by his side. She knew it would be best if she left him for a while to find his feet, before returning. It would help him to understand that whilst she would go, she would also come back. So she slipped away and retrieved her bow and her axes from the tent where the Athosians had kindly stored them for her.

She was happily throwing axes into the target when she heard voices approaching, and a moment later, two teenage boys appeared. She smiled tentatively at them, fetching her axes from the target before moving towards them.

“Hello,” said the larger of the two boys. “I am Jinto. We have met before, but you might not remember me. Teyla said we might come and watch, but we are not to touch you.” He turned to his companion. “This is Wex. He is my friend.”

“I am glad to meet you again Jinto, Wex,” Adi said. “Did you just wish to watch, or did you want to practice your skills as well?”

“Will you show us how?” Wex asked. “We’ve been trying, but we’re not very good. We were playing football when you were here last time.”

“I will be happy to teach you,” Adi said, and so the next hour or more passed in peaceful companionship, as Adi taught her two eager pupils the basics of axe throwing. From there they crossed to the archery butts, and Adi watched as they showed off their skills. They were clearly not novices, but there were still small things that could be improved. Adi let them practice for a while, before she moved in and started offering advice to correct small errors in their stance – the positioning of a foot, the need to ensure the string hand was touching against the face. They were both very responsive to her directions, and by the time they wrapped up, they had both improved in accuracy and speed.

They were bubbling with excitement at their achievements as they escorted Adi back to the village. The Athosians tended to eat their evening meal in the late afternoon, while there was still daylight to see, so Adi took a seat on one of the logs around the campfire, and accepted a bowl of stew and a chunk of bread.

She was not feeling as unsettled today as she had the night of the bonfire. The daylight was helping of course, and the fact that there were fewer people – last time there had been forty or more Lanteans in addition to the Athosian community, and everyone had been in a state of excitement with the axe throwing and archery, the football match and a feast with friends. It was much calmer here today.

Still, she sat on the side away from the village, so that people were not constantly moving around behind her. Soon after she had begun her meal, Jinto and Wex came to sit with her, telling her of great hunts they had been on, and a wonderous cave they had found in their explorations through the forests of this world. It was actually very peaceful, and the warmth of friendship wrapped around her, adding to the serenity.

Natol was sitting with his new family nearby, happily eating with Mikal, and Adi felt a shaft of gratitude pass through her at the knowledge that she had saved this child. He was here, in this welcoming community, because she had intervened in his life.

A jumper came into view, and Wex and Jinto leapt to their feet, racing away towards the area where the jumpers always landed, and Adi swallowed the last of her meal, rising and rinsing her bowl and utensils in the communal washing water.

As she turned back around, John was just entering the clearing, Jinto hanging onto his jacket sleeve and talking to him with excited gestures. John smiled as he saw her, but kept up his conversation with Jinto, nodding and seeming perfectly content that Jinto was inside his personal space.

Adi made her way across to Natol, crouching down in front of him. “You are looking very contented here, Natol. I am pleased for you.”

Natol nodded at her, his beautiful, big, eyes holding hers. Then he put his plate of food down and moved in close, putting his little arms around Adi’s neck and snuggling in against her body. Adi pushed the discordant feelings away to be dealt with later, and hugged him back. She stood and started to rock him a little, holding his little body against her own, as he cuddled in. She heard someone approaching, and swivelled her body a little to see John was closing in on them. She smiled at him, and he put his hand on her arm, and instantly his aura blended with hers, muting the clashing of Natol’s aura somewhat.

Adi looked up and met John’s eyes, smiling in gratitude, and he nodded at her. “How did it go?” he asked softly.

“Very well. Natol has made friends with Mikal and they have been playing together all afternoon.” She loosened her grip on Natol and he sat up a little in her arms, gazing at her, and saying, “A-ee,” in such a loving voice that it made John’s heart clench to hear it. Adi leaned forward and kissed Natol’s forehead. “It is time for me to go, Natol. But I shall come and visit you again, very soon.” She bent down and placed him back on the ground, and Indira came forward, giving Adi the Athosian embrace.

“I wish to thank you, Adi, for your help with Natol. Please know that we will cherish him as a full member of our family. You are welcome to visit him whenever you wish to do so. We consider you, also, to be family.”

Adi nodded, tears glistening suddenly in her eyes. The welcoming nature of the Athosians was quite overwhelming. “Thank you, Indira. I know that Natol will be very much loved with you. I look forward to watching him grow in the safety and support of your community.”

She turned away, John at her side, and they collected Teyla and made their way to the jumper. Teyla sat in the co-pilot’s seat, and Adi was sitting behind. But after a few minutes she stood and moved to stand near John.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking up at her just standing there.

Adi nodded, then shook her head. “May I… may I blend our auras during the flight, Colonel? It will help me to recover from hugging Natol.”

John looked across at Teyla, but she was just gazing out the front window, so he turned back to Adi and nodded.

Adi moved to stand behind him, placing her hand on his neck. And so they flew back to Atlantis in companionable silence, the three of them lost in their own thoughts.

Adi slipped through the doors to the suite, finding it in darkness. She turned the lights on, then moved gently about, replacing the spent candles with new ones she’d asked Teyla to get for her. Teyla had been happy to oblige, not asking what they were for, but supplying a large bundle of scented and unscented candles for Adi’s use.

When she was done, Adi considered whether to light them or not. It was after 2200hours, and she’d left a note on her pillow to let John know she was in their suite, but she didn’t know if he would come or not. They never made plans to meet up, and Adi knew that John had many responsibilities and he would do whatever was needed of him before considering her. This didn’t bother her in the slightest. John’s sense of duty was one of the things that drew her to him, and expecting him to change for her would be self-defeating.

She gazed around the suite. She hadn’t been here alone before. It was a lovely space, a good size, well set out, and lovingly furnished. Everywhere she looked she could see Evan’s touch. The thought made her smile. Deciding that she would like to see the room bathed in candlelight, she found the lighter and passed through the living room from candle to candle, switching off the overhead lights once they were all lit. She carried on into the bedroom, lighting the scented candles she’d placed in there.

Replacing the lighter on the kitchen counter, Adi crossed to the balcony, sliding the door open and stepping out into the night. Neither of the moons was visible tonight and the stars were blazing up above her. Adi leaned against the railing and breathed deeply of the fresh air.

She was still there when she heard a voice calling, “Adi, it’s just John.” And then John himself stepped onto the balcony, coming up behind her and sliding his arms around her waist. Adi leaned back against his warm body, running her hands over his own, where they were crossed over her stomach.

“Hello,” she said softly, her voice full of welcome.

John tightened his arms gently about her for a moment, dropping a soft kiss on top of her head. “I like the new candles,” he said. “Looks great.”

“Teyla gave them to me. I had nothing to give her in return, John. I was unsure what to do about that.”

“She won’t mind, Adi.”

Adi nodded, and settled against him. “The stars are wonderous tonight, John.”

“Yeah.” John kissed the top of her head again. Adi tilted her head to the side and his lips slipped down to her neck, planting gentle kisses from her collar bone up to her ear. She was shivering from his touch, and he could feel goosebumps rising across her skin. His tongue flicked out over her ear and her breathing hitched.

And then Adi suddenly went rigid in his arms, and John realised that he was more than half hard.

He dropped his arms immediately and stepped back, and Adi turned to face him. She was still breathing heavily, but John wasn’t sure now if that was arousal or fear.

“Sorry,” he said softly.

Adi shook her head, her arms wrapped tightly about her middle. She stepped to the side, and John took the hint and moved a few steps away from her.

“You know I won’t hurt you, Adi. I can’t stop my body reacting, but I’m never going to hurt you.”

Adi nodded. Then she drew a deep breath, held it, and let it go slowly. She dropped her arms back to her side. “Please do not apologise for desiring me, John.” Her voice was low. “It is actually very warming to know that you feel this way. I… it is just…”

“Hey. It’s okay. I get it.”

Adi took a tentative step forward, and John stayed still. Then she took another and another, until she was once again within reach. She leaned forward, her forehead resting against his chest, and slid her arms around his waist.

John just let her do what she wanted, keeping his hands by his side. This was the bit where she trusted him enough to come back, after she’d run away, and he wasn’t going to fuck it up by touching her too soon.

After a few moments, Adi softened against him, shuffling forward until their bodies were touching, and John slowly brought his arms up to hold her. He rocked her softly, his head resting against hers.

“I know you will not hurt me, John.” Adi’s voice was muffled. “But that feeling… of… hardness, against my body… I cannot help remembering the Bola Kai. And that is terrifying.”

John didn’t know what to say to that, so he just stayed silent, holding her gently, giving her the space to feel safe with him again.

After a few minutes, Adi spoke again.

“John?”

“Mmm?”

“May I massage your other foot?”

John instantly tilted his pelvis away from Adi’s body and Adi actually laughed. He’d gone soft when Adi had freaked out before, but the sudden memory of the last massage she’d given him had spiked straight to his groin.

Adi bent backwards a little in his arms, lifting her eyes up to meet his. “I assume that is a ‘yes’?

“Shit yeah,” John said. “Any time. Literally.”

Adi laughed again, a soft, musical sound of joy, and John’s heart clenched. She drew back from his embrace and took his hand in hers. “Come then,” and she led them to the bedroom.

John immediately sat and started to unlace his boots, and Adi slowly stripped off too. John was watching her as he slid his BDUs down and off, and he swallowed as he watched the candlelight flickering across her skin. God, she looked inviting. “Don’t touch, don’t touch,” was running through his mind in a constant loop as he lay down on the bed, making sure his feet were right at the bottom so Adi could easily reach.

“John?” Adi asked. “Will you take off your t-shirt?”

He sat straight up and pulled it free. His skin was always ultra-sensitive during sex, and even though he’d grown used to dealing with his arousal clothed – the military taught you that – he much preferred to be naked in these situations. He laid back down, and watched, his eyes hooded, as Adi unscrewed the lid from the bottle of massage oil. Then she paused.

“John?” Her voice was just a whisper. “Would you… would you take off your… boxers?”

John’s whole body went rigid with the need to not sit up and pull Adi onto his lap and devour her. His cock had really liked the suggestion, and was rapidly filling, his boxers tenting in a way that left very little to the imagination. Tilting his head forward, John could see Adi was standing at the end of the bed, her eyes fixed on his crotch. He sat up. “Um, yeah, I can, but… are you gonna be okay if I do? I mean, I know you’ve… seen it before, when… when you gave me the blow jobs, but… you seem more… freaked out now.”

Adi’s eyes were big circles in her face. “I am, John. And I am uncertain if I will be all right. But hiding your erection behind a scrap of fabric does not change the fact that it is there. I can still see it, I can see that you are very aroused, and it would not be at all difficult for you to… to…” She swallowed. “The boxers will not prevent you from…” She huffed out a breath. “I do not wish to be afraid of you, John. If I trust you, then I must trust you.” Her eyes rose and met his, full of fear, full of bravery, and John nodded.

He lay back down, placed his feet flat on the bed, lifted his hips and slid his boxers off. He kicked them off the bed, and then glanced at Adi. She’d taken a couple of steps back from the bed, towards the door, but her eyes were roaming all over his body. John felt his cock filling even more under her gaze, and wondered how Adi was planning to get close enough to massage his feet.

“John?” Her voice was wavery. “I just… Do you promise…”

“Yes,” he said, his voice rasping. “Yes. I’ll leave the room, go to the bathroom. I won’t touch you. I promise.”

“Okay,” she whispered, and took the few steps needed to get to the end of the bed. Then she knelt down, unscrewed the lid and poured the oil into her palm, drizzling a little across his foot.

Within two minutes John was biting back a moan as her hands worked his foot, her thumbs pushing deeply as they ran up the underside, and he knew he wasn’t going to last long. Her fingers were working their magic just like last time, and he was already fully aroused. Still, he wanted to enjoy this. His left foot deserved the same treatment as his right one had had, so he dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands and tried to relax.

Adi was swirling her fingers around his ankle and passing under the arch of his foot, kneading into the nexus of nerves there, and John tilted his head back, breathing deeply as the sensations flowed up his legs and into his groin. His whole body was flushed, and as Adi started to pay attention to each of his toes, squeezing and rocking her fingers between them, he felt goosebumps run across his skin all the way up to his scalp.

He was achingly hard now, and he knew he needed to stop her, but her hands had left his foot and were moving slowly up his calf, sliding up towards his knee, and he didn’t want her to stop. Her hands started sliding downwards again, and he tilted his head forward, suddenly realising that Adi’s eyes weren’t on what she was doing as they had been last time, she was staring straight at his cock, flushed a deep pink and so fucking hard as it jutted out from the bush of hairs at his groin.

John groaned at the realisation that Adi was looking at him, aroused like this, aroused by her…

And then he was in motion, pulling away from Adi’s hands and rocketing off the side of the bed, barely making it to the bathroom as his hand closed around his engorged shaft and he stroked hard and fast. Another groan was pulled from him as his orgasm crashed over him, warmth splattering against his feet as his sight whited out.

He sank down to the floor and leaned back against the wall, his hand still moving gently over his softening erection. God that had been the best orgasm he’d had in years. He sat there, head tilted back against the wall, eyes closed, just letting the afterglow settle around him, unable to move yet. His legs felt like jelly, and there was no way he was going to be able to stand up.

After a while he heard a noise and opened his eyes, rolling his head to look. The bathroom door was open – he’d been in such a hurry he hadn’t shut it this time – and Adi was standing on the far side of the suite, looking in at him. She seemed a little wary, but not distressed, and John smiled at her. “Hey,” he said, his voice languid, eyes half shut. “Give me a few moments, and I’ll clean up and come back.”

Adi nodded, but stayed standing, watching, so John rather self-consciously wet the towel from last time and washed his groin, then his feet and hand, and wiped the floor as well. He tossed the towel back in the shower, making a mental note to get that one washed and bring a few clean ones.

Adi was still just standing there, so John slid out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, grabbing his boxers and pulling them back on. When he turned around, Adi had come into the bedroom and was standing just inside the door. “You are not like the Bola Kai,” she said, and John raised his eyebrows.

She huffed out a breath. “When they had reached completion in my body, they did not lie about, all… limp and… dazed. They roared and pulled free from me and thumped their friends and cheered the next man on, helping to hold me down so another of their number could rape me.” She swallowed.

John sat down abruptly on the edge of the bed, closing his eyes, trying to push that image back out of his mind… Adi trapped, men holding her down, preventing her from fighting them, from escaping their grasp, other men, raping her, roaring out their lust, being congratulated on their performance, helping the next guy into place to take what wasn’t his…

“Normal guys don’t do that, Adi. Normal guys don’t pack rape women, and they don’t egg each other on. It’s… this is…” He ran his hand over the back of his neck, unable to find the words to describe the pleasure he’d felt, having her bring his body awake, having her hands running over his skin. Sex had never been like this for him. It’d always just been a means to an end. Tab A, Slot B, and yeah, you got your end wet. But only ever with a willing partner. Never at someone else’s expense.

He took a deep breath, bolstering his courage to talk about his feelings. “This isn’t about sex, Adi. This is… it’s about you, touching me. It’s… us, together. You—you make me feel things. I… If it’s with someone you…” he averted his gaze, picking at the blanket beneath him, “you care about, then it’s… it’s pretty overwhelming. And then… well, you—you need to just… give yourself a moment… to enjoy it.” He huffed out a breath. God that’d been hard, but he’d said it.

He looked up and realised Adi had come all the way into the room now, and was standing right beside the bed, right beside him. She was gazing at him, a smile he’d never seen before lighting her features. She looked breathtakingly beautiful, her eyes glinting in the candlelight as she held his gaze. And then she leaned forward, gently cupped his face, and kissed him.

John fought to keep his hands by his sides and not reach for her. God, he wanted to touch her. But instead, he just softened his lips and joined in the kiss, letting Adi lead the way, do what she wanted as he followed along behind.

Adi pulled back. “I wish to kiss you properly, John. With our mouths open. The first time… you were hard, and then last time, Rodney interrupted us.” She stopped, gazing at him. “Will you lie beside me John, and try this with me?”

John nodded, then stood and pulled back the sheets and blankets, letting Adi slide in first, then following her. They lay, facing each other, and, after a moment, Adi said, “I think you will need to lie on your back, John, so that I can be on top and can move away more easily if—if I need to.” There was an edge of fear in her voice, but nowhere near what John expected it would've been if she didn’t know he was already sated. He lay back and got comfortable, then met Adi’s eyes. “Adi, can I… touch you?” he asked tentatively.

Adi leaned backwards. “In what way, John? What do you wish to do?”

“I just… I want to touch you, when you kiss me. Not your face,” he said hastily, “but, maybe your… shoulders?”

Her gaze turned considering. “Perhaps… perhaps we should try that first, then.”

She reached out and cupped his face, smiling tremulously at him. “Put your hands on my shoulders, John,” and she leaned forward to kiss him.

John slowly lifted his hands and wrapped them warmly around her bare shoulders. But he could feel the sudden tension thrumming through her, and as she pulled back from the kiss, he dropped his left hand, saying, “Would just one be better?”

But Adi had slid out of the bed before he’d even finished talking. “No,” she said, her voice shaking. “Your hands they… you could hold me there, John, force me to stay… I… no. I am sorry.” She sniffed.

“Okay, I won’t touch you then,” John said, unable to keep the disappointment out of his tone.

Adi’s lip trembled.

“Hey, it’s okay.”

“No. It is not,” she said, her voice full of tears. “You ask for such a small thing, John, and I cannot bear it.” A single tear snaked its way down her cheek.

John sat up, pulling his legs up until he was sitting, cross-legged with the blankets pooling around his waist. “Kate said my hands would be scary for you. I’m not supposed to be touching you with them yet. I forgot.”

“Your hands are scary, John, but that means you should touch me. So I can get used to it.” She crawled back onto the bed and laid down so her head was resting in his lap. “Touch me, John. Run your hands across my shoulders, my neck, my upper arms.”

John gazed down at her, unsure if he should.

She looked straight up and met his eyes. “Please, John. If it is too much, I can simply sit up and get off the bed. I know inside me that you will not trap me, you will not stop me. I know you will let me move away. It is just… when your hands grip, I—I am back… there.” She closed her eyes for a moment, as if the memories were too overwhelming, and John sat completely still, giving her time to get herself together.

After a minute or so, she sat up and turned to face him, her knees drawn up with her hands clasped around them. “You said earlier that I seemed more freaked out by your… erection, than I was before. Dr Heightmeyer has spoken to me about delayed shock. She has explained that the effects of abuse can sometimes take a while to fully manifest. When you were dying, on that planet, I was in such terror already with everything that was happening, I do not think I really registered what I was doing. I was just focussed on survival – yours, mine, Ronon’s, Teyla’s, Rodney’s…. having to kill people, hoping that Major Lorne would come to rescue us. But that first time… in your quarters… I do not know how I did that. I do not know how I… came so close to your body, and took you in… in my mouth, and…”

She shuddered, tears prickling at her eyes. “I do not know how I was able to do that, when I did not know you at all, did not know I could trust you.” Her eyes met his, as a single tear broke and trickled down her cheek. “I remember that you did not touch me, John. You did not trap me or force me, you just let me…”

She stopped and swallowed. Then sniffed. “I do not want to be afraid of your body, John. You have never – not once – made any move to control my body, to make me do something I have not consented to. And I do not consent to being afraid of you. I do not want my mind to let you be scary. Because you are not scary. You are kind and caring and gentle and sweet and loving and so incredibly patient and understanding and accepting. And I do not want the actions that others have taken against me to be a barrier to interacting with you.” She huffed out a breath, her lips pursed. “You deserve to be with someone who can be with you, who is not scared of you every time your body responds to them.” She stopped then, and laid her head down softly on her knees, just breathing in and out.

John had sat completely still, letting Adi say what she needed to. And what she’d said actually made a scary sort of sense. He remembered that first blow job, Adi standing up afterwards and backing away into his bathroom, spitting and washing out her mouth. He remembered how uncomfortable she’d seemed when she proposed doing it again, when he’d refused to talk about the trauma to his aura. And now, knowing her so much better than he’d done then, he could see her actions as suppressed terror, fear pushed down and kept locked away. He sighed. “Adi, I don’t need sex. I just… I just need you.”

Adi lifted her head and their eyes met. “Oh,” she said softly, so much joy in her voice that John’s heart clenched to hear it. “Oh, John.” She loosened her arms from about her legs, her hand reaching out to stroke his face. “I am very glad to hear you feel that way, because I may never be able to give you more than this, however much I may wish to do so.”

John nodded. “I know. It’s okay, Adi. I don’t mind.”

“I am glad you do not mind John, but I mind. And so I wish to become used to your hands touching me.” She turned and lay back down, her head in his lap, gazing up at him, her eyes full of trust. “Please, will you do as I asked?”

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll run my hands over your neck and shoulders and arms. Clearly, it’s my turn to give you a massage.” He reached behind him for the bottle of oil, and poured some into his hand. He really needed to order some more of this. The Daedalus would be leaving Earth in the next day or so – he’d have to add oil to the priority last-minute list Lorne would be sending through in the morning.

John rubbed his hands together, warming the oil, and then began, running his hands over Adi’s neck first, thinking that since she let him kiss her there, it was probably the safest place to begin. After a few moments, Adi’s eyes closed and he saw the tension drop away from her body, as she relaxed.

He made sure not to cup his hands around her shoulders or her arms, just letting his palm do most of the work there, or keeping his hand flat as he slid across the top of her chest. He was gazing down at her breasts, wanting to touch them too, but knowing that he couldn’t. So instead, he concentrated on what he could touch, what Adi was letting him touch.

His hands glided backwards and forwards across the top of her chest and shoulders, up and down her arms. He leaned a little to the side, so both hands could run down one arm, but he felt Adi tense and realised that it would feel dangerous to her, to be pinned between two hands, so he quickly sat back up straight and went back to just one hand on each arm. Adi relaxed again, and he kept going, almost in a hypnotic state, his hands moving from massaging to caressing; from stiff and careful, to soft and loving. Slowly her nipples started to harden, until they were tight buds, thrusting upwards, and he could see goosebumps rising all over her chest, stomach and arms, as her body responded to his.

It was as he ran his hands around the tips of Adi’s shoulders for the umpteenth time, slowing until he was almost holding them in place, that he knew he’d won her trust with this. This action was almost what he’d done when she’d been kissing him, the hand placement that had led to her bugging out. And here she was, lying soft and supple in his lap, her body in the grip of early arousal, letting his hands hold her shoulders. He nearly stopped altogether with his hands right there, considered gripping just a little… but he didn’t want to undo the progress they’d made, so he slid them onwards, ever onwards.

Eventually he did come to a stop, but with his hands placed flat against her chest, beneath her chin. “Adi,” he said softly, “I’m going to lift my hands away now.”

She took a deep, deep breath, letting it out slowly as her eyes opened. She gazed up at him, a soft smile lurking around her mouth.

John lifted his hands up, cupping them to make sure he didn’t spread the oil to the blankets, and Adi slowly sat up. She swivelled around to face him. “Your hands feel amazing on my body, John. Thank you.” She leaned in and kissed him, and John was taken by surprise, the back of his right hand moving to touch her shoulder for balance. Adi didn’t flinch, didn’t tense, didn’t move away at all, she just kept moving her lips over his.

John slowly opened his mouth, just a little, and brought his tongue forward, tasting his way along the crease between Adi’s lips. She shivered, and drew her lips apart, letting John in. He still had the back of his hand resting against her shoulder, so he left it there, and tilted his head slightly to get a better angle, then slid his tongue into the welcoming warmth of Adi’s mouth. He found her tongue and ran his own across it, gliding, caressing, a sensuous dance, and Adi followed his lead, wrapping her tongue around his, letting them slide over one another.

It was the most amazing kiss John had ever experienced. He’d never done this before, kissed someone just for the sake of kissing them. Usually, he dived in as quickly as possible, revving his partner up with his hands and tongue and lips all working together, arousing her, getting her wet, so he could slide in between her thighs and find his way to heaven. He always made sure his partner came, of course. He wasn’t an asshole. But he’d never had an interest in taking it slowly, because that way there was touching which he hadn’t been keen on. He’d just wanted the sex, the orgasm, and so he hadn’t wanted to sit on first base for any longer than necessary.

But this – tangling his tongue gently around Adi’s, their lips moving softly over one another’s – this actually felt amazing. Even that one point of contact, where the back of his hand could feel the warmth of Adi’s skin, that felt amazing too. And she was letting him touch her.

John slowly withdrew his tongue from Adi’s mouth, willing her to follow him into his own, and she did, a little tentatively, but soon her tongue was there, in his mouth, and John was able to suck lightly on it. He felt the shudder go through her, and a moment later she'd pulled back, her tongue disappearing, her lips gone from his.

John opened his eyes, but she was right there, she hadn’t fled. Her pupils were shot, huge and black, and she was breathing raggedly. And she still hadn’t objected to his hand touching her shoulder.

John smiled at her. It was a smile of triumph, although he tried to control it, not wanting it to look like the smile of a conqueror, someone who'd taken something from her.

Adi smiled gently back at him. “I like kissing you, John,” she said, and then she leaned forward and hugged him. John hugged her back, giving up on limiting the spread of the oil as he wrapped his arms around her, his hands coming to rest on the skin of her back. She snuggled against him, just breathing.

Suddenly, John’s radio beeped and he jerked a little in surprise, reality an unwelcome intrusion. He wiped his hand on the sheets and reached up to tap it. “Sheppard.”

“I’m sorry to bother you, Sir,” Major Lorne’s voice said, “but there’s been an altercation in the barracks.”

John sighed. “On my way.” He tapped the radio off and pulled Adi more tightly against him. “I have to go.”

Adi nodded. “I know.” She pulled away from him and slid off the bed. “I will clean up here.” She moved to where her clothes were neatly piled and started to dress. John followed suit.

“I’m sorry,” he said, but Adi crossed to him and placed her finger over his lips.

“You need not apologise for doing your job, John. You are the Military Commander of this base, and there are hundreds of people relying on you. Thousands if you include all the peoples of the Pegasus Galaxy, many of whom come to you for assistance in their time of need. I understand your commitments and I do not ask that you ignore your responsibilities. You would not be you if you did.”

John stared at her, then pulled her into a hug. “You’re an amazing woman, Adi.” He kissed the top of her head, and then he was gone.

And so Adi finished getting dressed, remade the bed, and slowly doused the candles, one by one, before making her way back to her room, feeling a sense of achievement, of progress, but also a great sense of belonging… with John.

Chapter Text

John slid back into the suite before breakfast, several clean towels hidden in a duffel bag. He unzipped the bag and placed the towels in the cupboard, then paused for a moment, bent back down and lifted the towels onto the counter. It was better they be within easy reach – clearly he was going to be needing them a lot.

That thought made him smile, as he leant into the shower and picked up the soiled towel he’d used twice now to clean up after the erotic massages Adi was so skilled at giving.

He was grinning with the memories as he headed back to his quarters, throwing the towel into the bottom of his own shower so he could wash it off a bit before sending it to the laundry.

Breakfast was a quick affair, and he was in his office going over the ‘last-minute requisitions’ email Evan had forwarded him the day before, when Evan himself appeared. He greeted John and then ignored him, as he fired up his own computer and set to work on logistics and rosters and emails and all the things the XO dealt with so that the CO didn’t have to.

John sat and deliberated back and forth over adding the massage oil to the list. He’d written it on the bottom of the list, then it had suddenly occurred to him that actually, this was for personal use – very personal use – and so shouldn’t be requisitioned by Atlantis – he should email Jeannie and ask her to send some more in a care package. But if he did that, then the oil wouldn’t come for about nine weeks, because it’d have to wait for the next Daedalus run.

The SGC had asked them to send through the two full ZPMs with the injured marines they’d returned to Earth, following the Genii’s C4 attack, and so Rodney had carefully placed them in one of the purpose-built ZPM padded cases and waved goodbye as they’d disappeared through the event horizon. But then, rather than keeping one at the SGC to power the gate, General Landry had apparently given one to the Odyssey, and the other had been sent to Antarctica and installed there, ready to power the Ancient weapons platform at a moment’s notice. So the Daedalus was still their only direct line for supplies from Earth.

John sighed, typing the oil onto the list again. Then he deleted it. An alarm sounded on Evan’s computer and he raised his head. “Sir, have you approved the last-minute requisitions? I need to send them through to the SGC now.”

John nodded, then shook his head.

Evan tilted his head to the side and smiled a little. “Something bothering you, Sir? You’ve been staring at your screen for about twenty minutes, typing and deleting a single sentence.”

John’s face took on a hunted look, his eyes flickering to Evan’s in consternation. He sighed. “I’m deliberating over adding an item to the list. But… no. It’s fine.” He moved his hand to his mouse, ready to send the approved list back to Evan, but Evan stopped him.

“Wait. If it’s an item that would help support the health and wellbeing of Atlantis’ Capeligan ally, I think you should add it, Sir.”

John’s eyes grew huge and round, as he stared at Evan.

Evan just looked back. He hadn’t missed the looseness in his CO's bearing last night in the marine barracks. Oh, the Colonel had shouted at the marines just fine, and had ordered them to cleaning out the desalination tanks for the next week, but the whole time there’d been a… softness about his mouth, a languidity about his body, and Evan was pretty damn sure he knew why.

When Evan failed to follow up on his outrageous remark, John dropped his eyes, sighed, and typed “Almond massage oil” on the bottom of the list, and forwarded it to Evan. “Right, send that then,” he said, and left the office. He clearly needed coffee, and maybe a sandwich, or a muffin. The mess had made muffins with the gourdi fruit from Adi’s world and they were very tasty.

When he returned to his office ten minutes later, he was carrying a carafe of coffee and a plate of muffins and fruit. He placed them on Evan’s desk, filled his own coffee mug and snagged an apple and a muffin and returned to the misery of his own administrative responsibilities.

Not long afterwards, a flood of emails started to appear in his inbox. He shifted slightly to the side and glared at Evan, but Evan just shrugged his shoulders.

“I can’t help it, Sir. You know the SGC computer’s programmed to forward whatever anyone’s emailed us the moment Atlantis opens a gate to them. And clearly the IOA’s been particularly busy recently.”

John shifted back in behind his computer and sighed. He hated bureaucracy. He glanced at the time in the bottom corner of his computer. Half an hour. Half an hour of this shit, and then he could take his team and head for P2X-624, the planet where the Genii had ambushed them and killed Dr Esposito and five of his marines, along with nearly killing Lorne and McKay. They were hoping the Genii ATA detector would still be in place, and they could try McKay’s modification program on it. He slumped further down in his chair and opened the next email.

The Genii device was still there, sitting underneath the DHD in an inconspicuous position. Atlantis obligingly held the gate open for them for the full thirty-eight minutes, and then John dialled the Alpha site, sending through a constant radio signal to keep the gate open there. They’d sent Stackhouse’s team to the Alpha site this morning to set up a receiver and then wait around so Rodney could check if his modifications actually worked in a trial situation, before setting it for real and placing it back under the DHD. And they’d brought a jumper with them, to enable them to escape any attack the Genii might mount.

Obviously, if the signal had been sent saying an ATA-positive person was on the planet, then the Genii were going to try and come through. John was hoping to avoid another C4 attack. Rodney had disengaged the device from the DHD, and John had flown the jumper almost a kilometre from the gate before setting a table up for Rodney in a clearing and letting him get to work on the device. He had all the tools he needed plus his laptop.

They’d discussed this long and hard, because it would be much easier just to take the device back to Atlantis to fiddle with it. But they were still hoping to avoid the Genii learning that the Lanteans knew about their devices, and if they left the planet unattended, the Genii would come through the gate, discover the device was missing, and realise that their sneaky detectors had been discovered. And that carried the risk of the Genii doing something even more perfidious to try and trap them.

So John was currently pacing around the clearing, Ronon had disappeared back towards the gate – with orders not to get within throwing distance in case another block of C4 was tossed through – and Teyla was sitting calmly with her back against a tree, looking as if she were considering meditating.

The timer went off, telling John he had two minutes until the gate was due to automatically shut down. He boarded the jumper, shut the gate off manually and redialled immediately. Then he let Stackhouse know it was just them, and set the radio signal to start sending again. The jumper dialled more quickly than any human could do using a field DHD, so he was fairly confident they’d be okay. But there was always a risk… always a risk. He went back to pacing, with occasional snipes at McKay, just to make the waiting bearable.

Rodney, for his part, was working as quickly as he could. He didn’t want to be here any longer than absolutely necessary. The Genii were ruthless and completely untrustworthy. There wasn’t a man amongst them that could speak without lying or twisting the truth to suit their own agenda. And their callous disregard for life was horrific. He leaned forward and adjusted one of the components a little with his screwdriver, then turned to his laptop.

He hadn’t had the chance to examine the device originally, due to being so badly injured at the time. But Radek had spent a fair amount of time with it and had made extensive notes. And they’d used those notes to try and work out a way to get the device to read a false-negative, so that when ATA people were near, it wouldn’t notice. But they’d also had to write coding to ensure that if the Genii had some means to remotely test that the devices were working, it would send them through a very happy ‘Yes, I’m fine’ message.

It was about two hours later that Rodney finally stretched, reached for his coffee mug to drain the last of his seventh cup of the day, and said, “Okay, let’s trial it.”

John was at his side within moments. “Cool. You’re done.”

“Yes. Well, I think so. That’s why I need to trial it.”

John checked the timer. There were seven more minutes until the gate would shut down automatically. “Okay, I’ll shut the gate down now and redial, then you’ll have the full thirty-eight minutes to check it out with Stackhouse, make sure it’s doing the right thing.”

Rodney nodded, then held up his hand as John stepped away to head to the jumper. “Wait. I’m hungry. If there’s seven more minutes, let’s use those to feed me.”

John rolled his eyes, but ripped open one of his pockets and tossed a power bar at Rodney. “I’ll get you an MRE as well,” he said, as he headed for the jumper.

Rodney swallowed the power bar in two bites and had his hands out in a ‘gimme’ gesture by the time John returned with the MRE. He ripped it open and extracted the crackers and the cheese spread, quickly assembling them and swallowing them with barely a bite. Then he snatched up the pound cake, tore it open and started munching. He handed the remains of the MRE back to John and said, through his mouthful of cake, “Okay, shut it down and redial.”

John shook his head at Rodney’s manners and went to do just that, and by the time he came back out of the jumper, Rodney was having a conversation with Sergeant Stackhouse. They’d given him a device with which to send a test ‘ping’ to the Genii detector and Rodney was staring at his laptop screen and making acerbic remarks to Stackhouse. John rolled his eyes and went back to pacing, then decided that actually, he’d go check on Ronon. So he nodded to Teyla to take over Rodney-care, and headed off.

Ronon, when he finally tracked him down, had managed to kill some animal or other, and was walking towards him with it sitting on his shoulders. “Hungga beast. Very tasty,” he said in response to Sheppard’s raised eyebrows. “Whole herd over there.” He swung about and pointed with his head. “Maybe forty or fifty of them. We should take a few more.”

John stared at him for a moment, while he considered that. The planet was unpopulated, and these were probably the life signs they’d seen on the LSD all those months ago when they’d brought the science team here. And fresh meat was always welcome – especially if Ronon could vouch for the tastiness.

Set against the benefits of bringing several beasts back to Atlantis, was the fact that the Genii were probably standing in front of their gate, champing at the bit to come through the wormhole and obliterate the Lanteans.

He turned alongside Ronon and accompanied him back to the jumper. McKay was sitting hunched over his laptop, muttering to himself, and Teyla crossed to them, eyeing the dead animal with interest. “The test did not work. Rodney is trying something else. Is that a Hungga beast?”

Ronon nodded. “Heaps of them. Gonna kill some more.”

By the time McKay had finally managed to program the Genii device to ignore the presence of an ATA person but to send a cheerful 'working-perfectly' signal if checked on, they had a precarious pile of seven Hungga beasts stacked on a tarpaulin in the back of the jumper.

“Ew,” Rodney said, wrinkling his nose. “That’s disgusting. You expect me to get in there with all those dead animals?”

“Yes,” John responded. “I do. Unless you’d like to be here to welcome the Genii when they arrive?”

Rodney boarded with alacrity, but kept up his litany of complaints until Ronon said, “Tastes like lamb.”

“Oh!” Rodney exclaimed, his eyes lighting up, “Really? I like lamb. Well, um, perhaps this is a good thing then. A bit of variety for the mess.”

Ronon nodded, and John, rolling his eyes at Rodney’s about-face, took the jumper through the wormhole to the Alpha site. He radioed Stackhouse as they emerged.

“I’d offer your guys a lift, Sergeant, but we’re full of dead animals. Follow us through to Atlantis.”

“Yes, Sir,” came Stackhouse’s mystified voice, and John smiled. He liked keeping his people a little off balance. He dialled the gate to Atlantis, Teyla sent through her GDO code, and they were into the gate room and rising up to the Jumper Bay in less than a minute.

John radioed for marines and trolleys to be brought, and then radioed Major Lorne, asking him to recall the marines who’d been busted the night before from the desalination tanks, and direct them to skin and butcher the Hungga beasts.

He could hear the laughter in Lorne’s voice as he acknowledged the order, and smiled again. It’d been a good day. Rodney had successfully implemented their plan to neutralise the Genii devices wherever they found them in the galaxy, no-one had been shot at or blown up or injured in any way, and they’d brought home dinner for the expedition.

John was smiling as he exited the jumper.

He wasn’t smiling at 2130hrs that evening as he emerged onto the south-west pier having hunted Adi in her room, and found only a note on her pillow. Up ahead of him was a man, walking rapidly down the pier towards Adi.

John could see a lump at the end of the pier that represented Adi, lying in her nest of blankets, and he increased his pace to a jog, trying to get there before whoever the guy was freaked her out completely.

The alarm triggered, the green dome lighting up for an instant, and Adi leapt to her feet, body tense. But then the tension fell from her frame, and she was actually walking towards whomever it was, and then they were hugging.

Adi was hugging whoever that guy was, in the darkness, on the pier.

John came to a stop, then slid to the side, into the shadows, and made his way as far forward as he could without being seen.

He watched in silence as the hug ended and Adi took the guy’s unresisting hand and led him towards her blankets. He watched in silence as they sat down in the blankets together. He watched in silence as Adi drew the guy towards her and they held onto each other. John’s heart was in his mouth and he felt slightly nauseous.

He was as close as he could get now without giving away his position, so he dropped to his belly and started crawling. They had their backs to him, so it should be okay. And then a waft of breeze blew over him and he could hear it, the soft sounds of crying carrying to him. Whoever that was out there with Adi was very upset. John’s eyes had adjusted to the low light levels now, and he could see that the guy – a marine by his haircut – was shaking in Adi’s arms. He stayed watching for another few moments, then it suddenly occurred to him that if the Control Room ran a life signs scan right now, they would likely radio him to say that there was a third life sign on the pier, lurking close to Adi’s position. He started to withdraw, stealth-mode fully engaged. He didn’t want to get caught there.

He crawled backwards until he reached the shadows again, and then he slid along softly, until he was far enough away that he could turn and walk quickly back towards the transporter, still keeping to the shadows. He turned at the last moment, gazing at the end of the pier. There was just one large lump visible – they were still holding each other.

John stepped into the transporter, unsure exactly what he was feeling. Adi hadn’t been expecting the guy, because she’d reacted to the alarm as if it signalled danger – John had taken to calling out before he reached the alarm, so when it’d triggered without a verbal warning, Adi would’ve known it wasn’t him. But she hadn’t been unwelcoming in any way. She’d clearly recognised the marine and had moved straight towards him with no fear or concern for her safety. So… it was probably one of the blue-greens, or maybe a straight blue, straight green. But regardless of colour, someone she knew well enough to feel safe with.

John remembered Adi asking to be added to the list of people who could provide comfort if someone was in distress, and wondered if that’s what this was. But the only teams off-world today, apart from the long-term science mission, had been John’s and Stackhouse’s, and nothing had gone wrong. Then he remembered the databurst from Earth. Oh! Something must’ve come in via email that had upset that marine. And he’d gone to find Adi.

The fact that he’d known she’d be on the pier was a bit concerning. But actually, probably the whole base knew now, after the Genii invasion. And she’d never mentioned anyone bothering her out there.

John shook his head. There was nothing he could do without looking like a jealous jerk. And Adi was actually pretty adept at taking care of herself. She never would’ve hugged the guy, or invited him into her blankets, if she’d felt threatened in any way. He reassured himself with the thought that she could call mentally for Teyla if things got out of hand.

He slipped into his quarters and changed into sweats. He’d go find Teyla or Ronon and spar with them for a while. That way he wouldn’t have any brain space spare to wonder what was happening on the pier, or wonder who the marine was. But he did divert on his way to the gym, stopping by the armoury and checking out a handheld LSD.

Feeling like a perverted creep, he activated it and checked the pier. Two lifesigns, just overlapping. Well… at least they weren’t right on top of one another, still just sitting next to each other then. Okay. He sighed and headed for the gym.

Two hours later, bloodied and bruised, he sat in the infirmary as Carson stitched up the cut over his eye. He’d been distracted throughout his bout with Teyla, and by the time Ronon had finished his class and come to spar with him, John really should have said no. But he hadn’t. And Ronon had bested him… again.

Carson was clucking over him as he carefully placed the stitches. “I dinna think it’s going to scar, Colonel, although the skin on the face is particularly prone to scarring. But you’re to keep it dry. And I’ll give you something for the headache.”

John opened his mouth to respond, but Carson held up his hand in a ‘stop’ gesture. “Dinna bother telling me you’ve not got a headache, for I willna believe you.”

John sighed and settled back, letting him finish up with butterfly tapes. Ronon was grinning evilly on the other side of the infirmary, and John smirked at him.

“Got it out of your system yet?” Ronon asked as they left the infirmary.

“Got what out of my system?”

“Dunno. Whatever's bothering you tonight. ‘Cos if not, we can run the Ninja course.”

John stopped and looked at him. “Yeah, okay.” They changed direction, heading for the Ninja room, and John surreptitiously dropped back a little and pulled the LSD from his pocket. Still two life signs on the end of the pier, but no longer overlapping at all. Just sitting side by side. He smiled, dropped the LSD in his pocket and caught up to Ronon.

By the time they’d run the course – or Ronon had run it and John had made his way through it with Ronon walking below him making pointed comments about his age and lack of athleticism – John was feeling calm. Adi was good with people who were in distress, and he was glad that the marine had had someone to go to when he was upset. And John had checked the LSD while Ronon had been getting a drink, and there was only one life sign showing on the pier, so Adi was clearly alone there now, the marine having received the comfort he’d needed and gone back to the barracks.

He was smiling as he and Ronon made their way back to their rooms. He toyed with the idea of showering and joining her on the pier… but he had an early meeting tomorrow, ahead of a mission in the afternoon. It was already well past 0100hrs and his meeting was at 0730hrs, so he really just needed some sleep.

He prepared for bed and slid between his own sheets, comforted by the knowledge that Adi was safe as he closed his eyes and drifted away.

Rodney stood in the gate room, all geared up and ready to go. He was bouncing with excitement, and very eager to find whatever was to be found on M7Y-138. The database had shown there'd been an Ancient facility there – a largish one as Ancient facilities went – and the MALP that had already slid through the event horizon to check things out, had shown no life signs in the area and a relatively manageable twenty-eight degrees Celsius.

The downside was that the MALP vision had shown a huge rock placed strategically in front of the gate, preventing them from taking a jumper, so they’d had to get back out of Jumper One and cart all their gear down to the gate room for a foot trek. And that meant it would be an overnight stay, so they’d had to go past the supply room and add tents and whatnot. But even that had not dimmed Rodney’s enthusiasm. He could feel scientific discoveries tingling in the tips of his fingers, a Nobel prize looming ever closer. He grinned inanely at the non-ATA team that had been assembled to go through and check for a Genii ATA device.

The non-ATA team stepped through the wormhole and a minute later the all-clear sounded over their radios. Rodney started forward, eager to go, now that it was safe to do so. John’s team crowded around him and they all disappeared through the gate.

The wormhole shut down behind them, and a few moments later the gate lit up again as the MALP bumbled back through, followed by the non-ATA team, led by Sergeant Glover.

Major Lorne, who had been standing on the balcony watching everything that was happening, nodded at the Sergeant and then turned away, heading for the gym. Sheppard might be off on an adventure, but Evan had two dozen marines to run through their annual Basic Fitness Assessments. Luckily, he was quite looking forward to it.

It was mid-afternoon, and Elizabeth was sitting quietly at her desk, reading through some science reports. She’d just reached out her hand to grasp her cup of tea, when she suddenly felt the whole room rock, and a split-second later a tumult of noise overwhelmed her.

She leapt from her chair, moving swiftly out to where Chuck was talking frantically into his radio.

As she came up with him she heard him say, “Major Lorne, combat engineers and rescue teams Alpha and Gamma to the South Tower, deck eight. Medical personnel prepare for incoming wounded. All other personnel, stay where you are and radio in any structural concerns or injuries in your area.”

“What happened, Chuck?” Elizabeth asked once Chuck had repeated the message and closed the city-wide channel.

“Explosion where the science team was checking out those new labs they found last week, ma’am,” Chuck said, his expression bleak.

“How many of our people were in the area?”

“Nine scientists, six military.” He brought up the life signs screen on his console and zoomed in on level eight of the South Tower.

Elizabeth counted dots. There were only twelve showing, and as she watched, one of them blinked out. She gasped, her eyes filling with tears.

Chuck looked at her with compassion. “We’ll know more soon, ma’am.”

Elizabeth nodded and headed back into her office. There was nothing she could do – the rescue attempt was in the hands of the military now.

Major Lorne was covered in dust and debris, sweat running off him as he directed the rescue efforts. The combat engineers had gone in first and had declared level eight to be completely destabilised, with impacts to the two floors below and one floor above. They’d decided to launch the rescue from above, the marines actually rappelling down on ropes to try and extract the injured… and the bodies. They’d lost another two while they’d been working, and the mood was grim.

And then the first of the wounded had been lifted up on a rescue gurney, ropes securing either end to hold it level, and Lorne had his people in place to whisk the scientist – and it was a scientist because Evan could see the shreds of their blue shirt – straight to the infirmary.

Time passed without Evan being aware of it, but once all of the wounded had been located and lifted to safety – nine in total, he handed over control of the clean-up to Sergeant Timmons who was in charge of the combat engineers, and hurried to the infirmary himself.

He walked into a nightmare. There were unconscious bodies everywhere he looked, bloodied and maimed and burnt, and the couple of conscious ones were screaming. Medical staff were bustling about in grim desperation, trying to stave off death. Carson was nowhere to be seen, and Evan realised he’d be in the operating theatre. Dr Biro was also missing, and only Dr Cole was visible, so Evan edged towards her.

She turned her head to him, her hands busy bandaging. She was shaking slightly, her eyes red rimmed and blood shot. “We can’t save them all, Major. They’re too badly injured, and there’s too many. Dr Beckett and Dr Biro are operating at the moment, but there’s still seven more out here, and…” Her voice trailed away as she turned to call one of the nurses over, and Evan melted into the background again.

Then Adi came in through the doors. She’d been out in a jumper with the botany team, exploring the far side of the mainland, and Evan had radioed Chuck to recall her the moment he’d seen the extent of the damage. And now she was here.

Evan was moving towards her as Adi took in the enormity of the disaster in a single glance, and hurried straight across to Dr Cole. “Which are the worst injured, Nikki?” she asked, her voice urgent.

Dr Cole turned to her, and her eyes filled instantly with tears. “He’s dead, Adi. He’s dead.”

Evan’s heart clenched as he realised that Dr Cole’s long-time partner was now one of the bodies in the morgue, and he closed his eyes for an instant, trying to blot out the devastation on her face.

Adi had instantly pulled Nikki into her embrace. “I am so very, very sorry,” she said, her voice rich with compassion. But she held Dr Cole for not longer than thirty seconds, and then moved her back, keeping her hands on Nikki’s upper arms. “There are many injured here, Nikki, who are beloved of others. Zane would not have wanted them to be put at risk because of him. We will mourn him later, together, but right now, you need to focus and help these people.”

Dr Cole nodded, visibly pulling herself together. “Yes, of course. Um, the worst injured...” She turned and pointed. “Dr Beckett felt those three wouldn’t be able to be saved. There’s simply too much trauma, and he had to take others into surgery who had a greater chance of surviving.”

Adi looked where she was pointing and saw three battered and burned people, their auras in nauseating chaos from the damage their physical bodies had endured. None of them were compatible colours for her. She shuddered, but straightened her shoulders. “Thank you,” she said and pushed Dr Cole back towards the patient she’d been tending.

Evan was at Adi’s side as she hurried across the infirmary to where the three wounded personnel had been placed, those with little chance.

“Quickly, help me, Evan,” Adi said. “I must be able to touch them all, at once. If I can hold them long enough, Carson may be able to save them.”

She was pulling an empty gurney into the middle of the aisle, and Evan immediately realised what her plan was. The marine field medics tending these three patients – because there were no nurses to spare – moved quickly to help as well, pushing the three beds up against the empty gurney, lifting the injured closer to the edges, so Adi would be able to reach them.

Evan radioed Chuck to put out a city-wide call for every available blue-green to get to the infirmary on the double. When he turned back, Adi was naked and climbing onto the gurney, and he stopped her. “Wait, I’ll get underneath you, so you’ll have skin contact with me the whole way down your body.” He was stripping at express speed, leaving only his boxers, and then he was lying on his back on the gurney and Adi was climbing on top, face down, reaching her hands out to the sides towards two of the injured, her foot to the third.

The nausea hit her all at once and she lifted her head. “I need something to stop me from vomiting.”

Evan flinched with the sudden realisation of where the vomit was going to land, but the field medic had already responded to Adi’s request, racing away. He returned within a minute, a syringe in his hand, and reached to inject it.

“Wait! Will it sedate me in any way? Will I lose my alertness?”

“No, you’ve had it before. Dr Cole told me you’re okay with Ondansetron.” He reached again and Adi let him insert the needle.

“Bind my foot in place,” she said, her voice muffled from where her head had fallen against Lorne’s neck, and the field medics did so instantly, wrapping a bandage around Adi’s foot where it was touching the wounded marine’s shoulder.

She’d already begun doing what she could. Evan’s aura had blended with hers within moments of her lying on him, and the energy she was drawing from him was clean and clear. But it was not doing much to buffer the horrifying dissonance coming from the maimed bodies around her, with their incompatible and damaged auras. But these were Lanteans, a part of her community, and Adi would not give up on them if there was any chance that her actions might save them.

Blue-greens were starting to enter the infirmary, and the field medics called them over to where this grim battle to save lives was going on. Before long, Adi had more than eight people touching her along her back, legs, and outstretched arms, holding on, giving her their energy, in addition to Evan’s soothing aura running along the entire front of her body, his arms wrapped around her back, her free leg snugged between both of his, touching as much skin as was possible.

Time passed, and Evan’s back was hurting, but he pushed the discomfort aside. It was such a small thing in comparison with the unbelievable pain Adi must be in. He could feel wetness on his neck and shoulder, could feel her body trembling, and he knew she was crying silent tears. Evan had seen her shudder when she’d glanced at these three wounded, and he doubted any one of them had a compatible aura.

There was a rustle of movement, and Evan heard Carson’s voice, urgently asking Dr Cole for the next patient, and there was a brief conversation – he couldn’t hear it all. But then Carson was suddenly standing above Evan’s head, his face showing stunned disbelief. “I’ll take Corporal Hamid next,” he said, and lifted Adi’s hand away from Hamid’s arm, shoving his gurney off and away, rushing him to surgery.

Adi shifted. “Move the other one up. Hands are better than feet.” Her voice was low, grainy, so pained it hurt Evan to hear it. But she’d given Corporal Hamid a fighting chance at survival, and he knew she wouldn’t care about the pain if it saved a life.

He spoke, asking that the marine at Adi’s foot be brought around to take Hamid’s position, and within a few moments, the gurney appeared next to his head, and someone was lifting Adi’s hand, placing it onto the injured marine’s forearm.

They went back to waiting, Adi doing whatever it was she was doing as she lay there, limp against him. She’d drawn her other leg in against the outside of his own now that it was no longer needed, and so they were fully entwined, skin touching everywhere apart from the personal area covered by his boxers, but Evan didn’t feel a single thing, nothing except the desperate need to give her enough energy to save his people.

Time passed, and then Sergeant Timmons appeared next to Evan’s head, his eyes wide as he took in what was happening in the infirmary.

“Report, Sergeant,” Evan said, mustering his most commanding tone.

“Right, yes, Sir. We’ve shored up the structure of the South Tower, Sir. And the rescue crews are clearing the rubble away from the levels below the explosion. The Tower is considered stable, but there’s a fair amount of work to render it habitable again. There was some damage to the pier below from falling debris, but those areas have also been assessed and rendered safe. We’ll need to order a fuck-ton of materials from Earth to repair the damage, Sir. But it is repairable.”

“No further risk then?”

“No, Sir. Although there’s one hell of a storm just starting up, so of course the rain’s coming in through the shattered walls. But it’s not really going to make it any worse than it currently is.”

“Is there any damage—”

He broke off as Adi whispered, “Stop talking,” in his ear.

“That’ll be all, Sergeant,” he said, realising that Adi was distracted by his conversation – or possibly Evan had been distracted and his aura energies had flowed towards him instead of leaving them for Adi’s use. Either way, he needed to shut up now. So he did.

He considered the Sergeant’s report, the South Tower was stable, there was no further risk, this was good. There was a storm outside. This was bad. Hopefully the winds weren’t strong enough to put pressure on the damaged support structures of the tower. He let those thoughts go, trying to still his mind, stay calm, so the energy Adi was pulling from him would be clean and clear and instantly usable.

A while later, someone came and removed another of their patients, and a couple of hours after that, Adi’s hand was gently lifted off the last of the wounded and placed softly by her side.

“It is done,” Radek’s weary voice said near Evan’s head.

Evan blinked a couple of times. “Dr Z, can you please push the gurney back into position, and pull the curtains so we can dress?”

A moment later the gurney was in motion, and then Evan heard the rattle of the curtain being pulled into position. He spoke softly. “Adi, can you get up? Get off me?”

She lay slumped against him for several long moments, then she slowly lifted her head, placed her hands down beside his shoulders, and pushed back, bringing herself to all fours. She gazed down at him. Her face was wet with tears, and her eyes were bloodshot and filled with pain. She swayed a little, balancing there above him, but then she wriggled backwards until she was almost at the end of the gurney, and Evan drew his legs painfully towards himself, his back and muscles objecting to the movement after so long lying in the one position. But they managed to both get off the gurney and start to dress. Adi pulled her skirt, and her bra on, but then stopped. “There are others here, and their auras are in chaos from their wounds.”

Evan shook his head, gazing at her, his concern rising as he took in her condition. She looked awful, white as a sheet, shaking, her eyes glazed… “No, Adi. You’ve done enough.”

“No. These are your people, Evan, these are my people, and I will help them.”

She slid out between the curtains, her gait unsteady, and started for the closest patient, and Evan followed her out, still buttoning his BDU top, his boots forgotten. The blue-greens were milling around, wondering if they’d still be needed, and seeing Adi, they started to follow her. Within moments they were clustered about her, their hands on her back, her shoulders, her upper arms, giving her their energy to enable her to heal the auras of the remaining injured.

And then Evan saw Dr Quinten. He was standing in the pack of blue-greens, his hand on Adi’s back. Evan approached and grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back quite roughly. Dr Quinten recognised him immediately and allowed himself to be dragged to the side of the infirmary. “I’m not hurting her, Major Lorne. You called for all available blue-greens to come. I’m blue-green and I was available, so I came.”

“She won’t want you touching her, Quinten.” Evan said angrily, feeling the horror that Adi would be feeling, once she learned of this.

But Dr Quinten was shaking his head. “I don’t agree with you. I acted rashly and it’s cost me Adi’s friendship, but don’t make the mistake of believing that I don’t understand how her mind works. Adi wants to save every single person she comes across. That’s who she is. To save these people here, she needed energy to work with. I provided some of that energy. And you’ll never make me believe that she’d have preferred one of these people had died, than that I touched her skin.”

Evan stared at him, processing what he’d said. Before he’d finished, Dr Quinten continued.

“I stood at the base of the gurney you lay on together, and I held her spare foot in my two hands. I was as far from her as I could get, whilst still providing her with the benefit of my aura. And I'm standing in a group of people over there, with my hand in the middle of her back. I’m not alone with her, I’m not fondling her, I’m not acting inappropriately towards her.” He sighed, and looked away. “Please, let me help. These are my people too, Major. And I don’t believe Adi would condemn me for my actions here today.”

Evan considered him for a long moment, but then nodded. “Okay. But if she decreases the number of people she needs, you’re to be the first to leave.”

Dr Quinten nodded. “I will be, Major. You have my word.” And then he turned and made his way back across to where Adi had her shaky hands outstretched and hovering over the top of a marine’s injured body, not touching, clearly just healing their aura.

Evan shook his head and turned back to find his boots. He tapped his radio as he sat on the gurney pulling on his socks. “Chuck, report?”

Chuck had nothing of concern to report. He gave Evan an update on the status of everything that was happening within the city, and it was all under control. “Okay, thanks. Look, I’m going to need to take Adi to the waterfall in a while, once she’s finished healing all the auras down here… or when she collapses from majorly over-extending herself.” His tone was defeated, and Chuck’s own tone, when he responded, was very tentative.

“I don’t think that’ll be possible, Major. There’s a massive storm in progress with lightning, thunder, the works, and it extends over the mainland as well. I suspected you’d be wanting to do that, and so I’ve been watching the weather radar, but it’s not safe for you to be flying a jumper through this.”

Evan was silently damning their luck. Why now? Why couldn’t the storm have waited until tomorrow?

“I’m sorry, Sir. I’ll keep an eye on it and let you know if it clears, but it’s sort of swirling around at the moment, going in a sort of circle, so I don’t think it’s going to be disappearing any time soon. Oh, and Major? I dialled the planet the Colonel’s on, but was unable to establish radio contact. Either they’re too far from the gate, or there’s something interfering with the signal. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, Chuck. Keep me posted.”

He jumped off the gurney, and headed back across the infirmary. Adi was swaying badly now, the people around her holding her up, and Radek caught his eye. “She has had enough, Major, but she will not stop.”

Evan nodded and, reaching past a couple of people, he placed his bare hand on Adi’s stomach. Everyone else had avoided her front, and there was no skin free anywhere else with the group around Adi contorted into weird positions to get their hands on her, some crouching with their hands on her legs, others leaning over those to reach.

“Adi,” he said softly, and her eyes opened, lifting to his. “You’ve done enough.” She shook her head, but she was swaying horribly now, shaking all over, and Evan could see she was close to collapsing. “Okay, people,” he said, “time to let go.” They did, and Evan bent a little and picked Adi up in his arms, lifting her across to the spare gurney and laying her gently down. “Rest here. I’ve got a few things to do, and then I’ll take you to your quarters, okay?”

Adi nodded slowly, too drained and in too much pain to do anything else, but the blue-greens had followed them across the infirmary, and Radek was holding up her shirt, so Evan carefully lifted her, and together they got it on her. Then Evan laid her back down. “Can anyone stay longer, give her your auras while she’s resting here?” There were several nods. “If you’re too tired, or worn, get something to eat and get some sleep. You’ve done something profound here tonight.” His voice caught, and he turned to Dr Quinten, gesturing him away with his head. Dr Quinten nodded and left with the others, and Evan turned back to Adi. “Okay, you’ve got Corporals Hendrix and De Sousa here, plus Dr Zelenka and Miko. You’re safe, Adi. Rest, and I’ll be back shortly.”

Hendrix had retrieved chairs, and he and De Sousa set them out, and then the four of them sat, reaching their hands out to touch Adi’s skin as she lay there, her body shaking, breathing softly in and out.

Evan moved quickly away. He needed to get her to the waterfall, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen any time soon. So the next best thing was giving her his aura. He wished Colonel Sheppard and Ronon were here… their auras were better for her, but they were on the other side of the galaxy and couldn’t possibly be back for hours and hours and hours, even if they were able to get them on the radio. They’d be a long way from the gate by now, despite being on foot. He’d seen McKay’s enthusiasm; he wouldn’t have been holding them back today.

Sergeant Stackhouse would’ve been a help right now, too; he could take over these duties so Evan could focus on Adi. But Stackhouse was taking his turn to ride shotgun on a long-term off-world scientific mission, and there was little point at this stage in recalling them all - and it would be them all, because he couldn’t leave scientists unguarded, and Stackhouse had taken some of the newer, untried marines with him, rather than his own team. He sighed. It was all on him, and there were too many competing priorities.

He radioed Sergeant Timmons and asked to meet at the site of the explosion, and then spent twenty minutes with him, seeing for himself the extent of the damage, and the interim measures that had been taken to secure the area. “Good work, Sergeant. Pass on my thanks to your team. You’re dismissed.”

From there he went to the Control Room, and briefed Dr Weir. She’d visited the infirmary several times during the course of the evening, and had seen what Adi was doing, but she could also see how tired Lorne was, and so she dismissed him, saying there would be a meeting at 0800hrs to debrief and review and plan for the way forward.

Then Evan headed back to the infirmary, catching Dr Biro as she followed a patient’s gurney out of the operating theatre. She was clearly exhausted, her skin pale, her eyes bleary, but she gave him a speedy update in her usual brusque style. Thanks to Adi’s intervention, she believed that the three personnel Adi had been supporting might actually survive – they were listed as critical, but they’d all made it through surgery which was the first hurdle, and they had a fighting chance now. There were extensive burns and significant damage to their organs and bones, but they’d been put back together as much as possible at this point, and time would tell. Four of the others had also survived surgery and were listed as critical but stable, and she couldn’t comment on the last two – Dr Beckett was currently operating on one, and she herself was about to operate on the other. She pushed him away and went to scrub up yet again, her arms red raw.

Evan breathed a sigh of relief. Looking around, he spotted Paul the nurse in the far corner and crossed to him. “Can you check Adi for me, Paul? She’s worn herself to a thread.”

Paul was busy changing the IV bag, but he looked up at Evan. “Yeah, sure, I’ll be over in a moment.”

Evan made his way back across to Adi’s side, seeing that his four blue-green, knights-in-shining-armour all had their heads laid down on the bed, at least resting, and in the case of Radek, clearly sleeping. Corporal Hendrix lifted his head as Evan approached, blinking a couple of times and drawing himself upright. “At ease, Corporal,” Evan said softly. “Has she moved at all?”

Hendrix shook his head. “No, Sir. She’s just lying there. The shaking’s stopped though. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.”

“Good, I think. She’s just got clean, healthy, auras touching her now.” Evan tapped Miko and Radek on the shoulder. Radek startled awake as Miko lifted her head, blinking blearily and looking around as if unable to place herself. “Off to bed, you two. And thank you.”

They stood and left, and Evan nodded at Hendrix. “You and De Sousa too.”

Hendrix immediately withdrew his hand from Adi’s arm and woke De Sousa, but as he stood to leave, he said, “Will she be okay, Sir? She’s really drained, isn’t she?”

Evan nodded. “Yeah. I’m guessing all those auras she’s touched tonight were incompatible, and they were damaged too, which I know makes it harder for her. But they’re all alive, Corporal. She’s given them a chance. And that’s why she did it.” He glanced up and met Hendrix’s eyes, seeing real concern there. “She’ll be okay. She just needs to recharge. The moment I can get her to the waterfall, she’ll bounce back and emerge from the water with gleaming eyes and a huge grin. You don’t need to worry.”

Hendrix nodded, blushing slightly, and left, and Evan sat down, placing his own hands on Adi’s arm. She stirred and opened her eyes, and seeing him she smiled. A really sweet, welcoming, contented smile.

“You’re back,” she whispered, and tried to lift her hand to him. Evan took it in his and squeezed, and her smile grew.

“They’ll all live, Adi. You saved them.”

She nodded. “Good,” she said as her eyes closed again.

Evan checked in with Chuck again, but the storm was still raging outside, with no end in sight. Chuck did, however, say that Sergeant Coughlin had just returned to the city from a harvesting mission off-world, and Evan sighed in relief. He immediately radioed Coughlin, brought him swiftly up to date on events, and officially handed over command of the city to him. “You can radio me if you need me, Coughlin, but I know you’re capable of handling whatever comes up.”

“Yes, Sir.” Coughlin’s voice was reassuringly competent, and Evan sighed in relief, interlocking his fingers with Adi’s as she lay resting.

Paul appeared a few minutes later, a borrowed stethoscope in his hand. Adi roused, and Paul gave her a quick check over, not bothering to ask Evan to leave. Maybe he’d seen their hands were still entwined, maybe he thought that since they’d been lying naked together for hours on end it didn’t matter, or maybe he was just too tired to care. Whatever the reason, he took her obs then turned to Evan. “She’s okay, Major, just exhausted. Do you know what to do to help her? I don’t know much about the aura thing.”

“Yeah, I do, thanks Paul.”

Paul left and Evan turned to Adi. “Come on. I’ll get you to your room.” He leaned down and scooped her up into his arms, heading out of the infirmary and towards the sleeping quarters.

Within minutes he was laying her on her bed. “Adi, I can’t take you to the waterfall – there’s an electrical storm and Chuck says it’s too dangerous for us to fly. And I can’t let you go outside either, because there’s too much lightning, and a lot of rain. But… I can give you my aura. Do you want me to stay? Hold you while you sleep?”

Adi nodded and tried to sit up, pushing at her top, but she was too exhausted, so Evan stripped her clothes away, then did his own, and slid into the bed with her. She snuggled close – very, very close – and was asleep within seconds, Evan’s arms wrapped tightly around her.

He followed her into oblivion only a minute or so later.

Chapter Text

Rodney bounced through the first fifteen minutes of hiking on M7Y-138, before the excitement waned, and the realities of the trail impinged on his enthusiasm. He had his head down, eyes fixed on his screen, focussing on the elusive energy signature that was drawing him ever closer to discovery… but John had already had to stop him tripping five times.

“Jeez, McKay! Look where you’re going for a moment.” John had his hand twisted in the back of Rodney’s tac vest, stabilising him as he stumbled, yet again.

Rodney looked up. “What sort of planet has a path like this? Did they forget to clear space for feet? Did they just use hovercraft?” His eyes glinted suddenly. “Ooh, maybe they used hovercraft!”

Ronon grunted. “It’s not a path, McKay. It’s just the way you said to go.”

“Oh, isn’t it?” Rodney looked around. They were crossing a wide plain, trees scattered everywhere, some densely clumped, others standing in solitary splendour. The ground was covered in a grass of some sort that came up almost to the team’s knees – well, almost to Rodney’s knees, it was barely mid-calf on Ronon – and underfoot there were scattered rocks, in all sizes, hidden from sight until you were actually upon them.

“Look,” said John, trying his best to keep a reasonable tone. “It’s a long way, right? You said about thirty kilometres. So it’s going to take us a fair while to get there. How about we stand still while you make sure we’re heading in the right direction, and then you put the laptop away, and we’ll walk for half an hour and then you can check again.”

Rodney frowned, but that actually made sense. He didn’t say so of course, but he did point his hand in the right direction, then secured the laptop, and they all carried on, Rodney looking where his feet were going this time.

Now that he had no laptop to distract him, Rodney reverted to form and began to talk incessantly. And the topic he chose was the closeness he’d observed between Adi and Major Lorne – because he’d seen them again in the mess that morning and, despite Teyla’s remarks about not suggesting to John that there was anything going on between them, that hug had been way beyond what he considered appropriate between ‘just friends’.

As John grew more and more terse with his responses, Teyla moved up beside them, eyeing John and directing him silently to fall back, and she engaged Rodney in a conversation about his relationship with Susie, instead. That was something Rodney was always happy to talk about, and so they carried on their way, stopping every half hour to check their direction.

The terrain was starting to change when John called a break. They’d been travelling pretty steadily for the last three hours, and they’d actually crested a medium-sized rise, coming out on a ridge that overlooked a deep valley. It was a beautiful view, but John wasn’t in the mood to enjoy it. Rodney had managed to needle him into a pretty foul mood with his comments about having to watch out or he’d lose Adi, and that John had better work on his communication skills or Lorne would sweep Adi off her feet – if he hadn’t already. He’d made a lot of very pointed remarks about the hugs he’d seen in the mess, and Lorne holding her shoulders and talking to her, and Adi’s expression when she’d finished hugging him, and how intimate and happy they’d looked together. And so John had spent the past three hours in a very unpleasant mental landscape where he returned to Atlantis to find that Lorne had made his move and taken his woman. John was regretting not having joined Adi on the pier last night. He bloody well should’ve.

He sighed and sat on a rock, his legs swinging disconsolately as he ate his way through his MRE, not even really tasting it. Rodney was busy with his laptop and Ronon had disappeared to hunt for a way down into the valley. When she’d finished eating, Teyla came and leaned against his rock. John ignored her, but after a few minutes, she spoke.

“Rodney fears that he will lose Susie, and so he projects that fear onto others. He also does not wish for you to be hurt, John. That is all that was. Rodney’s fears and his concerns.”

John huffed out a breath, but when Teyla remained silent, he growled out, “He’s not wrong.”

“You already knew they were close friends, John. Whether they share an intimate embrace or not, does not change the reality of their connection.” She turned to look up at him. “Did your concerns over their sojourn on Capeliga come to pass?”

John shook his head. “No. She said she missed me. And she almost killed Lorne.”

Teyla turned sharply to face him fully. “I did not hear of this.”

John sighed. “She was freaking out, so Lorne took her to her cottage and she said he couldn’t sleep on the floor ‘cos she wouldn’t know where he was. So she made him sleep in the bed with her.” He grimaced. “And then we radioed and it woke him and he jerked in surprise – right against her body – because he was holding her that damn closely.”

Teyla gazed at him in concern. “He would have needed to hold her closely, in order for Adi to feel safe in the knowledge of his whereabouts, John, and you are aware of that. Was he injured? What was Adi’s response?”

“She got the hell outa Dodge.” At Teyla’s raised eyebrows, John explained a little less colloquially. “She got out of the cottage. And no, she didn’t hurt him.”

Teyla nodded, a pleased smile lighting her face. “It seems Adi has come a long way with her therapy. And you said that she told you she missed you. Even though she had Major Lorne right there with her, she missed you. Does that not speak to her feelings for you, John?”

“Yeah. Just wish McKay’d shut up.”

“I will speak with him… again.”

John held her eyes for a moment. “Thanks, Teyla.”

She smiled at him. “We have a long way still to go, Colonel.”

“Yeah.” John tapped his radio. “Ronon? Got anything?”

“Nope. Not this way. Try the other way.”

And so John, Rodney and Teyla made their way along the ridge in the other direction, and twenty minutes later, came across a narrow path leading down. Ronon loped into view as they stood there, gazing at the path.

“You cannot be serious,” Rodney said, his voice aghast. “It’s too steep. We’ll all fall and plummet to our deaths.

“It’s not that bad,” John drawled. “And even if we slide a bit, we’re not going to fall all the way, because there’s sticky-out bits all the way down.” He pointed.

“Sticky-out bits? Is that the official term, Mr Rock-Climber?” Rodney snarked.

“That’s Colonel Rock-Climber to you, and Ronon can go first and you can follow him. That way if you slip, you’ll cannon into him, and he’ll break your fall.”

Ronon grunted and moved onto the path, his feet steady on the steep incline.

Rodney stood looking over the edge, watching as Ronon easily navigated the path.

“What are you waiting for, McKay? If you let him get much further ahead, he’s not going to be much use as a defence against certain death.”

“Fine,” Rodney said, and stepped forward gingerly.

John followed him closely, one hand at the ready to grab him if he did slip, but it wasn’t actually as bad as it’d seemed from the top. The incline was certainly uncomfortably steep, but no more so than hiking down Mount Snowdon in Wales, which John had done in his late teens when he’d gone on holiday with a school friend. And this wasn’t nearly as high as Snowdon had been.

It took them about an hour to get down to the bottom, and Rodney collapsed onto a rock, panting and leaning forward to massage his aching legs. “The Ancients were sadists! Why did they have to hide their secret off-world facility in a place that’s so impossible to get to?”

“Perhaps it’s because there’s some awesome goodies hidden there,” John suggested, surreptitiously rubbing his own aching legs. He’d forgotten that steep downhills always made his shins ache.

Ronon was pacing backwards and forwards in front of them, clearly none the worse for practically climbing down the side of a cliff, and Teyla was helping herself to a drink as she rested gently against a nearby rock, a light sheen on her cheeks the only sign that the climb had been physically demanding.

“How much further, McKay?” Ronon asked as he paced past, and Rodney settled his laptop on his knee.

“Hmm. Well, we go straight ahead along the floor of this valley. Maybe another ten kilometres or so? It’s hard to say. But I’m definitely reading a weak ZedPM signature, so there’s something there.”

“Let’s go,” Ronon said on his next pass, and swung away, heading off into the valley.

Rodney stowed the laptop and groaned his way to his feet.

“Come on, McKay. This is your outing,” John sniped, and Rodney got moving.

The terrain changed as they walked. Initially a little hilly – small rises and falls as they passed along the bottom of the valley - within half an hour or so it had turned into a large flat plain and the going underfoot was becoming a little boggy.

John lifted his boots forward, feeling the light ‘suck’ of mud underfoot. “Let’s focus on not slipping in this stuff,” he called out, thinking it wouldn’t be so pleasant to be covered in mud all over. There were plenty of reeds growing in all directions, but after another half hour of trudging through slowly deepening mud, he was starting to become a bit concerned about the wisdom of their route. “McKay, is there some other way around? This stuff’s not so fun to walk in for mile after mile.”

Rodney stopped and reached for his laptop. “Look for yourself, Colonel,” he said, and John squelched his careful way across to where Rodney had brought up the appropriate screen. There was a dot at the top of the screen, overlaid on a grid showing distance and direction. It was straight ahead, around five kilometres.

John sighed. “Fine, but if this gets much deeper, we’re going to have to go around. I’m not losing these boots. I’ve just got them worn in.”

Bantering lightly backwards and forwards, they continued their onward progression, but they were moving more and more slowly. Up ahead was a shimmer, and when they finally came close enough to see what it was, they were over their ankles in mud. Up ahead the marsh slowly turned into clear water, and they faced a great lake, stretching all the way to the horizon.

Rodney gaped. “So what does that mean?” he asked no-one in particular. “Where’s the facility?” He checked the laptop again. The dot was showing around two kilometres, straight ahead.

“They sank it,” John said. “It’s underneath the lake.”

“I do believe you are correct, Colonel,” Teyla said. “The facility has been built at the bottom of this lake, for security.”

“Not getting in today, then,” Ronon said and turned around.

“Just hang on a moment,” Rodney snarked, his hand racing over the keys. “There’s definitely a ZPM, the reading’s stronger now. Maybe because we’re so much closer. But we’re going to need a jumper to get to it.”

“There’s a rock guarding the Stargate, McKay. We can’t bring a jumper. We’ll have to wait for the Daedalus, and they can beam us in.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Ever heard of C4? Why am I the one having to think of solutions to moving a rock out of the way? We’ll just blow it up, Colonel, and then the jumper can come through.” He was grinning delightedly at John’s dark look, when he suddenly squawked, dropped the laptop – which disappeared into the mud – and fell over, splashing as he landed and screaming in pain.

“McKay!” John was already in motion, squelching his way through the muddy waters.

Rodney had got himself to sitting and was staring in horror at his leg as he continued to scream. “Ow! Get it off! Get it off!”

John was there now, and his eyes were riveted to the animal attached to Rodney’s leg, just above the boot, multiple talons digging into his leg, five or more beady eyes sticking out on stalks and looking in all directions. He reached out his hand, then jerked it back as one of the talons pulled out of Rodney’s leg – Rodney screamed even louder – and lurched towards John’s hand.

“Fuck!” John said rolling backwards, and then there was a flash of red, and Rodney slumped silently into the mud, his face disappearing.

Teyla lunged for him as John got himself back on his feet and slurped across to help, and they lifted Rodney to sitting, lolling between them as they wiped his face clear of mud. The animal – crustacean maybe – had slumped as well, and John very carefully pulled the talons out of Rodney’s leg, looking in horror at the mess they’d made, the blood flowing freely from the ragged gashes.

Ronon loomed over them, leaned down and hefted Rodney into his arms. “Gotta get outa here,” he said, and started back towards the Stargate. Teyla followed him with alacrity, but John paused to fish around in the mud, trying to find Rodney’s laptop. Teyla was calling out to him, urging him to come but John ignored her for a moment as he felt the edge of the device against his fingers and, pulling hard, managed to free it from the sucking mud. He had no idea if it’d be salvageable, but at least Rodney would have it to try.

He followed as quickly as he could, his pack heavy on his back, his legs aching from all the mud-walking they’d already done – nearly ninety minutes – plus the downhill climb. He was worried about Rodney, wanting to clean and bind the wounds, but they needed to at least get into much shallower mud before they did that. It was stupid to risk any more of them being attacked by a talon creature.

He suddenly thought they should have brought the stunned animal with them, in case Carson needed it to work out a cure, but glancing back he could see they’d already come a fair way from the edge of the lake, and there was no way he’d find it now.

Ronon had paused up ahead, and John hurried forward as fast as he could – which really wasn’t fast at all, the mud gripping his boots so he had to pull each one free to move on. It really wasn’t terrain that was made for speedy transit. By the time he’d reached Ronon, the water level had backed off a fair bit, and Teyla had pulled out an antiseptic wipe and was trying to deal with the blood that had fallen freely from Rodney’s wounds.

John pulled out another from his own tac vest and moved up next to Teyla, helping to get all the mud and blood off. More blood was welling up, the talons having dug in a long way, and he ripped open a different pocket and brought out a pressure bandage, wrapping it firmly in place. He looked up at Ronon. “Need a break? I can take him for a while.” John actually wasn’t that confident that he could while they were still in the marsh, but he needed to offer.

“Nah,” Ronon said. “I’ll get him back to dry land, we’ll find a tree, make a stretcher.” He took off again, carefully placing his feet on the slippery footing.

Nearly an hour later he came to a stop again, gently laying McKay down on the ground in the shade of a tree. Rodney was starting to stir, and Ronon left him there as he hunted around for two long sticks. Teyla had dropped to her knees beside Rodney and was feeling his forehead, taking his temperature, and John was kneeling by his leg, checking the bandage. There was a fair amount of blood soaking through, and he added a second pressure bandage over the first.

Teyla caught his eye. “He is still bleeding. It has been close to an hour since you placed the first pressure bandage. Should the bleeding not have stopped by now?”

“Yeah,” John said. “Would’ve thought so. Maybe it’s got an anti-coagulant in its venom. How’s he going?”

Rodney was moaning a little, and Teyla helped him to sit up against the tree trunk as his eyes fluttered open. The moaning turned to groaning and John withdrew a morphine syringe with a pre-measured dose in it. “McKay, I need you to tell me what you’re feeling, before I stick this morphine in your leg.”

“Pain,” Rodney gasped, “hot, burning, pain…”

“Are you hot and burning all over, or just in your leg?”

“Leg,” Rodney ground out. “Please… Please…”

John leaned in and injected the morphine. He knew Rodney often ended up pretty dopey on morphine, but he didn’t want him suffering the pain, either. He reached out and slid his fingers around Rodney’s wrist, feeling for his pulse. It was fast, but he knew McKay had a naturally rapid heartbeat. “Fever?” he asked Teyla.

“Not yet,” she replied, her voice preternaturally calm. “You will be fine, Rodney. Ronon has gone to find some poles that we can use to make a stretcher. We will carry you straight back to Atlantis.”

“Good,” Rodney ground out. It was obvious that even talking through the pain was difficult and John reached out and squeezed his shoulder. It hurt to see Rodney like this.

“I rescued your laptop,” he said, and Rodney grimaced. “Hey!” John went on. “Don’t be like that. It might be salvageable.”

Ronon appeared at that moment, two long, narrow branches in his hands.

John immediately stood and pulled off his jacket, as Teyla did the same. Then they bent and helped Rodney out of his, and Ronon threaded them all onto the poles, zipping them up. He laid the homemade stretcher down on the ground, and he and John carefully lifted Rodney into place, hanging his rucksack from the poles at Ronon’s end. And then they stood, the stretcher balanced between them, and started their onward trek.

John was trying to calculate the distance they had still to travel. He knew it’d taken them three hours from the gate to the top of the valley. And then they’d taken around an hour to get down that incline to the valley floor. He grimaced at the thought of having to carry McKay up that incline. It would've been hard going just hiking up it with his rucksack on, let alone lugging a stretcher with a full-grown man on it. And there were still the low rises to cross to get to the base of the cliff. He decided that they were still maybe four-and-a-half to five hours from the gate, and his worry notched higher. What the hell had been in that thing’s venom? Was McKay still bleeding? He couldn’t see from where he was, leading the way forward, McKay’s feet at his end. Ronon had McKay’s head end because he was taller, so the poles sloped slightly downwards towards John, putting uncomfortable pressure on his hands.

Teyla was walking beside Rodney, keeping an eye on him for any allergic reaction, watching for excessive blood to surface through the bandages. The morphine had spaced him out, as it usually did, but not as much, because the field doses Carson permitted them to carry were only small. The medication had made Rodney a little floaty and calm, which was much better than hyping him up, or leaving him to moan in pain. She walked and she watched, and she was very glad when they reached the base of the cliff.

John and Ronon placed the stretcher down on the ground, and John groaned, stretching out his hands, rolling his shoulders around. Then he dropped down beside Rodney. Teyla had pulled out a pressure bandage from her own tac vest, and was starting to apply it. There was a lot of blood showing on the one John had rolled on at their last stop. John felt his expression tighten.

“Rodney? How’re you feeling, buddy?”

Rodney’s eyes fluttered open. “Leg hurts. Just leg. I think.” He dry swallowed, and John pulled out his canteen and helped him drink a little.

“Any fever, breathlessness, palpitations?”

Rodney’s eyes widened. “No… not yet.”

Teyla glared at John. “These reactions would have already occurred, Rodney, if they were going to. You will be fine. This is just a localised injury with no systemic reactions at all. When John and Ronon are rested, we will climb the hill, and then it is just the easy walk back to the gate.”

“‘kay,” Rodney said, and his eyes closed again.

Two minutes later, Ronon moved into position. “I’ll go first,” he said and, lifting McKay’s head-end, he started up the track. John followed him, dividing his attention between the difficult upward path and McKay’s pale face. It was a very challenging climb, and they had to stop several times en route to rest their muscles. John’s shoulders were screaming at him, along with his lower legs, but there was no help for it. Rodney needed medical care. His face was sheening lightly with sweat now, and his breathing wasn’t quite as peaceful as it had been. He was starting to moan, too – just an intermittent, low moan for now – but getting worse as they climbed up and up and up.

Teyla trailed behind them, unable to walk beside Rodney on the narrow path. She could see the growing tension in John’s frame, however, and she did not believe it was all related to the physical challenges of the climb. When they finally came to the top of the path, Ronon stumbled as it suddenly levelled out, but he didn’t fall, regaining his footing within seconds. He took another few steps forward, to let John up onto the flat, and then laid the stretcher down. Even his great strength had been taxed with the steepness and length of the climb.

Teyla immediately dropped to the ground beside Rodney, wiping his face off with a dampened cloth. “Rodney, can you hear me?”

His eyes opened, slits in his pale face. “Teyla?” he moaned.

“How are you feeling, Rodney?”

His brow furrowed. “Stabbing poker in my leg,” he managed. “More drugs.”

Teyla turned to John. “Can I give Rodney another dose of morphine, Colonel? Has it been long enough?”

John was leaning against a rock, panting and massaging his aching legs. He stopped for a moment and glanced at his watch. “It’s only been two and a half hours. He can’t have any more yet.” He reached into his tac-vest and pulled out some Tylenol, tossing the blister packet across to Teyla.

She pushed two of the tablets out of their casing, and withdrew Rodney’s canteen from his vest. “I am sorry, Rodney. I cannot give you more morphine. I have some tablets for you though.” She helped him to half-sit, pushing the tablets into his mouth and holding the water bottle for him to swallow them down. Then she laid him back.

“Colonel, will I run ahead to the gate and get help?”

John sighed and shook his head. “It’s another three hours to the gate, Teyla. And I don’t want you on your own. We don’t know what else might be on this planet. What if you encounter a snake or a lion or something like that?”

Seeing Ronon approaching the stretcher, John dragged himself up and joined him. “When we’re closer, we’ll consider it. For now, just walk beside him and keep an eye on him.”

They lifted the stretcher and began the trek back to the gate. Thankfully, once they’d made it down the medium-sized rise, the terrain levelled out, but the knee-high grass concealed rocks underfoot, and whilst John, in the lead, could see the rocks, Ronon couldn’t, and he stumbled every so often. But there was nothing to be done. Daylight was waning now, the afternoon far progressed, and John hoped they’d make the gate before nightfall on this planet. Who knew what sort of insects would come out with the dusk?

They’d been travelling for almost three hours since climbing up out of the valley, and John’s hands were aching. He knew there were blisters forming, but he kept going, because McKay wasn’t doing too well. The moaning was a constant background noise now, and the light sheen of sweat had grown and grown. Teyla had noted his pulse was faster even than usual for him, and his breathing was much louder, more obvious. The bleeding still hadn’t stopped, although it had slowed – or was it just finding it harder to soak through so many pressure bandages?

Teyla moved up beside John. “We must be close to the gate now, Colonel. I'd like to go ahead, dial Atlantis and request that they have the medical team standing by.”

John nodded wearily. His legs were aching, his back was hurting, his hands were radiating pain and he was thirsty and hungry – he had little energy for conversation.

Teyla disappeared in a flurry of motion, and John kept moving, one leg in front of the other, watching for rocks, calling back if there was a particularly large one that might trip Ronon up completely.

It only took Teyla ten minutes to reach the gate at the pace she’d set, and she lifted her rucksack down to the ground and rolled her shoulders, then reached out her hand and dialled the DHD. The wormhole formed and she tapped her radio. “Atlantis? This is Teyla.”

“Go ahead, Teyla. What’s your situation?”

It was a voice she couldn’t immediately place, then she realised it was Sergeant Coughlin, from Major Lorne’s gate team. “Sergeant, Dr McKay has been injured. The Colonel and Ronon will be here with his stretcher within twenty minutes or so. I came on ahead to advise of the medical emergency and request medical personnel be waiting in the gate room.”

There was a pause, and then Coughlin said, “What’s the nature of Dr McKay’s injury? Is he critical?”

“Ah, he has been attacked by a… water creature that dug its talons into his leg. There are several wounds and we've been unable to stop the bleeding. It has been nearly seven hours since the attack. He is sweating, his breathing is audible, his heart rate is elevated and he is in great pain… but I do not believe his life to be imminently in danger.”

“I’ll have marines waiting in the gate room with a gurney to take him straight through to the infirmary, Teyla. Is that everything?

“Ah, yes.”

“Okay. Coughlin out.”

The wormhole shut down, and Teyla stood staring at the empty ring in bemusement. Then she hefted her rucksack up into position, and started back towards the rest of her team. She’d considered – for a split second – leaving the rucksack leaning there, against the DHD, but long experience had taught her the value of always keeping your gear with you, so she hunched her shoulders and carried on.

She found them sooner than she’d expected. John’s face lit with relief when he saw her approaching through the early evening gloom, but he didn’t say anything. He was breathing more heavily than before, and Teyla knew that he and Ronon had pushed their pace to catch up to her.

“I am fine, Colonel. I have dialled Atlantis. I believe something may have occurred there in our absence. Sergeant Coughlin answered my hail, and he has said there will be marines on standby to take Dr McKay to the infirmary.”

John frowned, and Teyla nodded. “Yes, it was most peculiar. He asked if Dr McKay’s condition was critical, and when I described his symptoms, he made the decision not to call medical personnel to the gate room.”

Ronon grunted and John thought that pretty much summed it up. Within a few more minutes the gate came into view, and Teyla quickly dialled and sent through her GDO code. The green light glowed instantly as the all-clear was received, and she nodded as she stood to the side of the event horizon, letting John and Ronon go through first, Rodney moaning almost constantly and starting to lightly thrash around.

As John emerged into the Atlantis gate room, there were two marines waiting right there, a gurney between them. One of the marines stepped up to him instantly. “I’ll take him, Sir.”

They made the transfer, and John could hear the same happening at Ronon’s end. It was difficult to uncurl his hands enough to get them free of the poles after so many hours of holding them in the one position, but he managed it, biting back the moan of pain. He watched as the marines lifted the stretcher onto the gurney and Ronon and Teyla followed McKay out of the gate room. Then he turned to face Sergeant Coughlin, who had come down the staircase.

“Report,” John said, his voice gravelly with fatigue.

“There was an explosion, Sir, in the South Tower. We lost several people – military and civilian. And there are nine severely wounded in the infirmary. That’s why I didn’t ask medical to attend the gate room, Sir. There’s no-one they can really spare.”

John nodded, wondering why Coughlin was on duty here, not Lorne. His heart was creeping up into his mouth – had Lorne been in the explosion? Had he been killed? John schooled his face, trying to keep his heart from exploding out of his chest. “Where’s Major Lorne?” he asked, his tone even.

“Um, he relieved himself of duty earlier, Sir, as soon as I returned from the harvesting mission. He said he’d be available in an emergency, but was confident I could handle anything that might come up. The South Tower had been secured by then, Sir.” He kept his eyes steady, meeting Colonel Sheppard’s gaze without flinching.

John nodded. “Was he injured?”

“Ah. No, Sir. He didn’t tell me why he was placing me in command, Sir, and I didn’t ask.”

It hung there between them, and John suddenly wondered if Lorne had been – close – to one of the dead, and had taken himself away to grieve, once there was someone to hand the mantle of command to. “Thank you, Sergeant. Who did we lose?”

Coughlin gave John the list of the dead and injured, and John nodded, grateful that Zelenka hadn’t been involved in the explosion. “Carry on, Sergeant. I’ll be in the infirmary.”

Coughlin nodded and turned to climb the stairs back up to the Control Room, and John headed for Rodney. He needed to know he was going to be okay. John’s emotions had been battering at him for hours, the fear that Rodney would prove to be allergic had backed off by the time they’d reach the cliff climb, but his worsening condition, the fact they couldn’t stop the bleeding… John’d been in a state of adrenaline-fueled terror for the last half of the long journey home, and he was emotionally and physically exhausted. He’d been awake since 0530hrs, had left for the planet at midday, and then spent six hours trekking out, and seven hours trekking back – some fifty-five or more kilometres all told – and that damn stretcher had been heavy, not to mention that the branches Ronon had found had had knobbly bits all over. His hands were aching, blistered and bloodied where he’d pulled them away from the poles to hand it to the marine in the gate room.

John walked into the infirmary and rocked back on his feet. He’d heard Coughlin’s report, had known there were nine severely injured personnel, he just hadn’t mentally processed it to the point of expecting to see so much activity in the infirmary in the wee hours of the morning. And yet everywhere there were nurses and field medics flittering about. He glanced around and couldn’t see any of his team, and his fear notched higher.

Then Dr Biro hurried past, not even noticing him, and John followed her, calling out her name.

She turned and looked him up and down. “If you’re not bleeding out, Colonel, I don’t have the time.” And she was gone, scurrying away to the side of a patient whose stats looked pretty scary on the computer monitor above their bed.

John made his way through the infirmary to the private rooms at the back, and found what he was looking for. Dr Cole was there, working on Rodney’s leg, and Teyla and Ronon sat to the side. John slid in through the door and crossed to them, his eye on McKay.

“How’s he doing?” he asked.

“Dr Cole says that Rodney’s leg has become infected. The venom is localised to the area around the wounds, however his whole body is fighting the infection, which is why he was sweating and breathing harder. He is running a fever to try and defeat the venom the creature left in his leg.”

John nodded and walked across to stand at the end of Rodney’s bed, and only then realised that Dr Cole was crying as she stitched the puncture wounds. The tears flowed in a never-ending river down her face, small sobs escaping constantly.

He turned to Teyla, raising his eyebrows in question and she beckoned him closer. “Dr Cole’s partner, Zane, was killed in the explosion, Colonel. She is doing very well to be functioning at all.”

John closed his eyes for a moment, then whispered. “Jesus.”

“There are not enough trained medical staff to deal with the injured,” Teyla said softly, gazing with sympathy at the doctor.

Dr Cole had moved on to bandaging the wound now, and Marie appeared in the doorway. She glanced at Rodney but came straight across to the rest of them. “Are any of you wounded? Injured? Ingested a toxin? Feeling ill in any way?”

Teyla and Ronon shook their heads, and John held up his hands so Marie could look. She nodded. “I’ll bathe and bandage them, Colonel.” She pushed him down into a nearby chair, pulled a trolley of supplies close, and worked rapidly to clean the wounds and wrap his hands. “There,” she said. “You can all go now. Please return if you experience any unusual symptoms. We’ll do your proper post-mission check-ups tomorrow sometime.” She turned away, pushing her tray close to Rodney, and starting to set up an IV.

Teyla turned to Ronon and John. “You are both exhausted. I will stay with Rodney, and you must sleep. You may relieve me in the morning.”

John looked at her, wanting to stay, but he knew he would be asleep soon here, anyway, he was that drained. He’d been up for twenty straight hours, and most of those had been very physically and emotionally demanding. He nodded. “Radio if he gets worse.”

Teyla nodded. “I will do so, John.” She pulled him gently into her Athosian embrace, then turned and did the same to Ronon. “Go. I will see you in the morning.”

They went.

As they stepped out of the transporter, Ronon disappeared down the hallway to his own room, and John made his weary way to his quarters. As he passed Adi’s room, he spared a thought for her. Had she been in the infirmary? Had she helped in the crisis? She wasn’t there now, and his tired mind wondered why.

He stripped his clothes off as he crossed his room, and thought the shower on before he’d even crossed the threshold into the bathroom. He was covered in both sweat and mud. When he’d flinched away from that freaky creature, he’d fallen fully into the muddy sludge, and it had seeped in through his clothes to his skin, and lodged in his hair, and he was uncomfortable all over. He sighed as he looked at his bandaged hands, then reached into the bathroom cupboard and pulled out some plastic bags, securing them around his wrists. This wasn’t the first time he’d had to shower when bandaged.

The water was hot, and he relaxed a little as he washed himself. Getting the mud out of his hair was hard and he wasn’t confident he’d got it all, but he was swaying now, too tired to care, so he thought the shower off and towelled himself dry. He gazed at the bed, wanting to just drop onto it, but two doors down, Adi would be sleeping, and if he went there, he could snuggle up with her, reassure himself that Lorne hadn’t stolen her, and maybe… just maybe, she’d heal his hands for him. That’d be nice.

He wearily pulled on his sweats, not bothering with boots or sneakers, and slid silently down the hallway to Adi’s door, swaying slightly as he went, the fatigue rising sharply now he was so close to a bed. Adi’s door opened for him easily – Atlantis was fully onboard with John gaining access – and, calling out, “Adi, it’s just John. I’m in your room,” he thought the lights up a little.

And then he came to a sudden stop… because Adi wasn’t alone in the bed.

Major Evan Lorne sat abruptly upright, his hair mussed, his eyes blinking, and his chest completely bare. He looked at John and said, his voice raspy from sleep, “Oh, Colonel. We didn’t think you’d be back tonight.”

John saw red.

His first fleeting thought had been that maybe Evan had been so devastated at the loss of someone in that explosion that he’d come to Adi for comfort, but that comment put this situation fully in the ‘cheating on me’ category that McKay had foreseen, and the rage filled him.

“Get out of her bed!” he cried, as he stormed across the room towards Evan, hurt and betrayal slicing daggers into his heart.

Evan slid instantly out of the bed on the far side, eyes wide, fists clenched at his sides.

Adi had lifted her hand a little, but John didn’t even see it. “Get out. Now!” His tone was murderous, and Evan gulped.

“It’s not…”

“Out!”

“Stop…” Adi’s voice was wavery and barely there. “John… stop. Evan, please, get dressed.”

John’s eyes were stormy as he shook his head and said, “No.”

Evan started for the door again, his eyes never leaving John’s, but Adi pushed herself half up and said, her voice shaky, “Evan, you will not leave my room naked. Please…” She paused and breathed for a moment. “Please, take your clothes into the bathroom and get dressed.”

Evan waited for a moment, to see what John would do, and John, jaw clenched, nodded his head a tiny amount, so Evan reached for his pile of clothes and disappeared into the bathroom

John crossed instantly to Adi’s side and dropped to his knees by the bed, devastation swamping him at the thought that he’d lost her. His voice was wrecked. “Adi, please… I… I know I…” and then he lifted her up towards him, not caring about his injured hands, pulling her into a really tight hug, holding her with all the pent-up anguish in his soul. Adi didn’t push him away, and so he tightened his hold, trying to get as close to her as he possibly could, show her how much he felt for her.

Then the bathroom door slid open, and John pulled away, glaring as Evan emerged.

Evan crossed the room rapidly, keeping his eyes on the door, but Adi’s voice stopped him. “Evan,” she said, her voice so shattered it made his heart ache. “Thank you. For everything.”

He nodded jerkily, not meeting her eyes, and then he was gone.

Adi sank back into the bed, her eyes closed, and John stood and looked at her, the glow of rage starting to diminish now that Lorne had left the room. He was starting to pick up on her body cues and could see how exhausted she was. He thought the lights up a little more and saw how pale her face was. She reached out a hand to him, flopping it onto his arm. “I need your aura, John, please,” she whispered.

He huffed out a breath, beginning to think maybe he’d made a mistake about what had been going on here. Nodding jerkily, he stood, sliding his clothes off and climbing into the bed. She barely moved and he wriggled himself closer and closer, until he had her in his arms, her head resting on his chest. She was soft and warm and clearly very drained. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“You were very unfair to Evan,” she whispered. “He did nothing wrong. You owe him an apology.”

“What… what happened?”

“I held almost dead people to life,” she said, her voice reed thin.

John thought about that for a moment. “Adi, if you’re this drained, why the hell didn’t Lorne take you to the waterfall?”

“Storm. Lightning. Quiet now.” And within a moment, she’d gone limp in his arms.

John lay there, the adrenaline that had flooded his system when he’d thought Adi was cheating on him with Evan making him shake with nowhere to go. Bloody hell. Walking in on Evan and Adi in the bed together, it’d thrown him straight back to his wife and… Fuck! Evan had been giving Adi his aura, not… Damn! He was going to have to apologise. The raw feelings of betrayal were still hammering at him though, and he was finding it difficult to push the memories away. He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he remembered the shock of walking in on his wife, the same shock he’d felt tonight, and he thrust his feelings down, down. Bloody McKay! This was all his fault. Spending all day telling John that Evan would grab Adi at the first opportunity. Shit! And McKay was lying in the infirmary, really sick, and John’s whole body hurt, and Adi had…

John huffed out a very emotionally wrecked breath. He lay there for perhaps half an hour, trying to calm himself, holding Adi in his arms, listening to her gentle breaths, feeling her heart beating against his side. Then he reached up and tapped his radio, “Teyla? How’s McKay doing?”

“Rodney is fine, John. He is resting now. They have given him the good drugs so he is no longer in pain, they have made the bleeding stop with some medication, and they have started him on something that will offset the effects of the venom. He is safe, John. I will call you immediately if there is any change.”

That was Teyla’s polite way of saying ‘go to sleep’. So John thanked her, tapped the radio off and, snuggling Adi a little closer, he closed his eyes and, his own exhaustion overwhelming him, he slept.

Evan started shaking the moment he left Adi’s room. He moved through the halls as quickly as he could, breathing deeply, trying to hold his emotions in check. His door loomed and he thought it open… and then he was in his room, the door closing behind him, and he was safe. The tears started immediately, welling up and trickling down his face, and he sniffed as he stumbled across to the bed, curling up on his side and pulling his spare pillow into his chest, hugging it closely.

That look on Colonel Sheppard’s face! The contempt… the anger… the betrayal on his face. Evan started to shudder as the tears fell, unheeded, wetting the pillow in his arms. He felt unclean, he felt like a libertine, he felt as if he’d been caught debauching someone else’s wife. And he hadn’t. It hadn’t been like that, not at all. And for Sheppard to think… to feel like… to see him as someone who would… God!

The misery overwhelmed him and he let go in the darkness of his room. Crying out his pain, his loneliness. Sheppard had been so angry, so sure that Evan had been in Adi’s bed for sex, so sure they’d been cheating on him together – he’d seen the expression on his face, the… the crushing rage at finding another man with his woman.

Evan cried for the slight to his honour, for the loss of connection to the man he loved… He’d lost Sheppard’s respect, now, too. It wasn’t enough that he could never have him, never hug him or hold him or tell him that he loved him... now Sheppard felt that Evan had betrayed him, and he was going to lose the respect and camaraderie that they’d had as well.

And Adi… oh, god, Adi… Adi and her beautiful smile, her full body hugs…

Evan couldn’t have either of them… ever. They had each other and he was totally on the outside. Sheppard would never let him even hug Adi again. Not after that. Not after that look he’d given him. Not after the way he’d shouted at him to get out.

Evan lay and wept, shaking and shivering.

Time passed, and eventually Evan quietened. The shuddering turned to shivering, and the shivering to a numb nothingness. Finally he dragged himself up off the bed, stripped and walked to the bathroom. The lights came on as he entered, blinding him, and he flinched, closing his eyes tightly, bowing his head as he thought the lights back off. Then he felt his way into the shower and the hot water started up, washing over him. After a few minutes, he curled up on the floor of the shower and just let the water rain down on his body, the thrumming a counterpoint to his own chaotic state of mind.

Hot water on Atlantis never ran out, so it might have been twenty minutes or two hours later that Evan finally uncurled his body and dragged himself to standing. He reached for the shampoo, washing his hair, then the rest of him, and finally… finally, he thought the water off, towelled himself dry, and slid back into bed, pulling his precious Capeligan blanket closely around his body.

He was just drifting off when his radio chirped. It was Amelia. “Sir, you asked to be informed as soon as the electrical storm had cleared. It’s still raining a bit, but the thunder and lightning have gone now, Sir. It’ll be safe to fly to the mainland.”

“Thanks, Sergeant,” Evan responded, his voice raspy from the surfeit of emotion. “Can you please inform Colonel Sheppard? It’s relevant to him now.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Evan curled back into the blankets and let sleep take him.

Chapter Text

John was woken in the darkness by his radio chirping. He reached up groggily and tapped his earwig. “Sheppard.”

“Colonel Sheppard, Sir?” Amelia’s voice said. “Major Lorne said I should inform you that the storm has dissipated and it’s now safe to fly a jumper to the mainland.”

“Thanks,” John said and tapped his radio closed. His eyes felt gritty as all hell and his body hurt, but clearly Lorne had been intending to take Adi to the waterfall at the earliest opportunity, so John took a deep breath and tried to rouse her.

It didn’t work very well. She was clearly too exhausted to move, although she did respond a little when he brought the lights up. “John?”

“The storm’s gone, Adi. I can take you to the waterfall now.”

“Good.”

And that was that. She lay there, not trying to get up and out the door, and John realised he was going to have to carry her. That thought was horrible, given the aches radiating from his whole body. There was the path up the edge of the waterfall from the jumper landing site to negotiate too. Who could he ask to help? Well, Major Lorne was the obvious answer, but John cringed at the thought of radioing him right now, not wanting to have to deal with the emotional shit-fest he’d created with his assumptions.

In the end he radioed Hendrix and De Sousa, waking them and asking them to grab an emergency stretcher from one of the jumpers and come to Adi’s quarters. He quickly put some clothes on Adi’s mostly limp body, and then slipped down to his room and dressed himself in fresh BDUs. He was just arriving back at Adi’s door when the two marines appeared at the end of the hallway. He waggled his bandaged hands at them as he invited them in. “Need you guys to do the lifting,” he said.

He crossed to the bed. “Adi, Corporals Hendrix and De Sousa are in your room. They’re going to lift you onto the stretcher.”

She nodded, eyes closed, and he gave them the all-clear to approach.

Hendrix came up beside the bed, then paused. “Adi, it’s Corporal Hendrix. I’m going to slide one arm underneath your knees and one behind your shoulders, and then I’m going to lift you onto the stretcher.”

John gazed at him in surprise. Clearly Hendrix had been around Adi long enough to know she needed to be warned about touch. He watched as Hendrix very carefully did exactly as he said, and then, when Adi was on the stretcher, Hendrix said, “De Sousa and I are going to lift you now, Adi and carry you to the jumper. Colonel Sheppard is here with you too.”

John exited the room with them, walking alongside the stretcher all the way to the jumper Bay, where he took the pilot seat, requested clearance to depart, and took the jumper up through the hatch in the roof. Not for the first time, he gave thanks that the jumpers were mind-controlled. He didn’t need to use his raw hands at all. The thought that Adi would be healing his hands in that waterfall in a short while crossed his mind, and the first real smile in the entire day graced his lips.

No-one spoke, and John flew the half-hour through the darkness, desultory rain drops appearing on the windshield every so often as they passed through squalls. As soon as he landed, the marines lifted Adi’s stretcher and John led the way up the path with a torch. At least this path was fairly smooth underfoot, and so John focussed mainly on ignoring his own pain, on biting back the groans caused by muscles pushed too far, as he climbed and climbed. It only took ten minutes, but to a body that had endured what John’s had gone through already in the past twenty-four hours, it was pretty torturous. At the top he thanked the marines and sent them back down with the stretcher. Then, he stripped both himself and Adi, lifted her into his arms – he was never going to mention the moan that had provoked – and stepped carefully into the waterfall.

He stood there, cradling Adi in his arms for a good, long while. His arm muscles weren’t up for this new burden, and they were burning for release, to the point that John was shaking with it by the time Adi stirred, and he gratefully slid her down his body to stand, supporting her against him until she started to gain muscle tension of her own and was able to support herself. She leaned against him for a very long time, before finally moving back a little and letting the water cascade against her front.

After a while, she moved her outstretched hand towards him, stopping an inch or so from his torso. She was clearly feeling his aura. It wouldn’t be visible in the low light available to them at this time of early morning – the cloud cover was still complete, even if the lightning had stopped. But she could obviously feel a whole lot of things were wrong with his aura, because after a few moments, she took both his hands in hers and he felt the weird sensations of healing going on. Her hands slid up his arms, pausing over his aching muscles, then up to his shoulders, releasing the pain there. Then she knelt at his feet, and ran her hands down each of his legs from thigh to ankle, fronts and backs, and he felt the pain of overtaxing them easing. She reached her hands up and gripped his buttock cheeks, and yes, they’d been really aching too from all the climbing up and down that damn cliff, but to reach his butt, Adi had had to kneel up and her face was buried in between his legs, her hair actually tickling his… well… John thought evil thoughts – a vision of Evan in bed with Adi was sufficient – and all problems down below were effectively dealt with. Now was not the moment to be thinking amorous thoughts anyway. Not with Rodney lying in the infirmary, nine of his people severely injured, and six more dead.

Adi stood again and, in the dim light, he could see her silhouette just standing still, letting the water pound against her. She wasn’t dancing though, as she normally did at this point, and John wondered why. After a few minutes, she reached for his hand, the bandages all soggy, and led him from the waterfall. She pulled the bandages completely free from his hands as they emerged into the clearing, then ran her fingers over each of his palms, checking for any problems. She apparently found none, because she dropped his hands and reached for one of the towels John had remembered this time to bring. Then she was re-dressing and leading the way down to the jumper.

John followed behind her, silent in the face of her own lack of conversation. He’d only ever seen Adi emerge from the waterfall euphoric. He wasn’t sure what was making her so subdued this time. He boarded the jumper, and left Hendrix and De Sousa to whistle over Adi’s complete return to full health, while he lifted the jumper into the air.

Despite the omnipresent cloud cover, the sky was just beginning to lighten as the jumper made its final approach to the city. John dismissed De Sousa and Hendrix the moment the jumper was safely back in the Bay. They disappeared and John followed Adi out of the jumper, reeling slightly with weariness. Two hours sleep was good… a lot actually, in the middle of a combat situation, but this wasn’t one, and John felt he could quite happily go back to bed. He tapped his radio, checking in with Coughlin that there was nothing urgent requiring his attention, and then headed for the transporter, intending to take Adi back to bed with him. But she moved away.

“Thank you, John, for the flight to the waterfall. I am needed in the infirmary now.” And then she was gone, and John was left standing there, wondering if she was pissed off with him. Probably. He’d acted like a jerk. He sighed as he entered the transporter. He needed sleep. He couldn’t deal with all this emotional shit while he felt this groggy.

He entered his quarters, pulled off his boots and collapsed onto the bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Adi made her way swiftly to the infirmary, feeling a little overwhelmed at the competing priorities battering around in her mind. On the flight back, she’d recalled Nikki’s tears at the loss of her beloved, and that Adi had promised they would mourn together. She wondered where Nikki was right now, because wherever she was, she needed support. And there were so many injured Lanteans lying in the infirmary, and Adi hadn’t finished healing their auras before she’d collapsed the night before. And she needed to find Evan, reassure herself that he was okay, thank him again for his support. She felt badly that she’d been too exhausted to deflect John’s anger from him last night – and that led her to John. He’d been in a rage, shouting at Evan to get out, and it had been very unsettling to see him like that, behaving that way. She sighed, and then thrust all of these emotions aside. She would start by healing the auras of the injured, to give them the best chance at recovery. Everything else must wait.

She entered the infirmary to find it in a better state of order than it had been at the height of the catastrophe. There were patients everywhere she could see, machines beeping by every bedside, but there were fewer medical staff. Some had obviously been sent to get some sleep. Carson was still here though, crouching over a patient on the far side of the room, and Adi could see the exhaustion in the set of his shoulders, the slight shake to his hands.

She inwardly acknowledged his dedication, whilst also realising that he couldn’t go off duty until there was someone to take over for him. Doctors Biro and Cole were nowhere in sight, but there were still some field medics and nurses here and there, leaning over patients. Adi sighed. There was nothing she could do for Carson at this time, but much she could do for the wounded.

As she moved across to one of the injured people she hadn’t had the energy to help the night before, Corporals Hendrix and De Sousa came through the infirmary doors and seeing her, came towards her. “Hey, Adi,” Hendrix said. “We thought you might come back here, so we grabbed something to eat and came to see if you needed us. Can we help?”

Adi smiled at them in gratitude, because the thought of healing all these incompatible auras had been troubling her deeply. But with two crisp, clean, gloriously compatible auras to buffer her… she nodded and they settled about her like old hands as she began her work.

She was working on the aura of her second patient when there was a stir at the door, and a lady in a white coat, stethoscope around her neck, came bustling in, a Corporal following beside her. She saw Carson and immediately headed for him, calling out to him as she approached. He glanced up and Adi could see tears start to prickle in his eyes. “Dr Frasier,” he said, “where in God’s name did you come from?”

“Dr Weir sent through a report about the explosion and injuries, alerting us to the likelihood of incoming wounded in the next day or so. I decided you needed help here and now, on the ground. I’m just sorry it took so long for me to get here. We had to send an F302 down to Antarctica to retrieve the ZPM so we could dial out.” She looked him up and down. “You need to sleep, Dr Beckett. Give me a quick handover of each patient and then I’m relieving you of duty.”

Carson looked ready to collapse there and then, but he pulled himself together and led her from bed to bed, explaining the extent of the injuries, the surgeries each and every one of the nine critically injured patients had endured, and the medical care they were currently receiving. It took about thirty minutes, and then Janet reached out her hand and squeezed his arm. “Bed, Carson. And don’t return for at least eight hours.”

He nodded and disappeared.

Adi stood and, along with her attendant Corporals, moved to the next patient. Dr Frasier had ignored her completely when Carson had done the handover for the patient she’d been helping, but the man who accompanied her had kept looking at her. She kept a wary eye on him as she moved, and he saw her looking and approached.

“Are you Adi?” he asked, stopping at the end of the bed.

Adi nodded, withdrawing her hands from the marine’s aura she’d been healing, holding them ready to defend herself, just in case. Her two Corporals lifted their hands from her body, stiffening in her defence, and Hendrix stepped slightly in front of her, not blocking her, but clearly marking her as off limits.

The man, however, just smiled in a friendly fashion. “Hi, I’m Corporal Tinterfield. Dr Frasier and I have been briefed about interacting with you. We know we’re not to touch you, and that we need to let you know if we’re going to be coming close to you.”

Adi nodded again, but this time with a smile. “Thank you, Corporal. Could you please move further away, I need to concentrate to heal Timothy’s aura.”

Tinterfield stepped back immediately, turning and crossing to Dr Frasier’s side, catching her attention and pointing towards Adi. Dr Frasier nodded, and then they were both focussed on the patient in front of them, and Adi turned her attention back to Timothy. His aura was a beautiful, cheery, blend of yellows, which was glorious to look at and unpleasant to touch. But he was a friend of Matthew’s, and Adi had spoken with him on several occasions, so she drew a deep breath and did what she could to help him.

Evan woke at his normal time of 0530hrs, and lay quietly as the memories of the day before assailed him. Slowly but surely, his mind picked apart that scene in Adi’s bedroom and, instead of the expected misery, Evan started to feel a bit angry at how he’d been treated. Oh, the hurt was still there… in bucket loads, but he started to see that the Colonel had been pretty unfair in how he’d responded to Evan’s presence in Adi’s bed. Afterall, Evan hadn’t been there for nefarious purposes – he’d been there to protect Adi, to provide access to a compatible aura, to help her, after she’d spent so much of herself saving the lives of three of their people. And Sheppard hadn’t waited to find out why Evan was wrapped around Adi, he hadn’t bothered to ask, he’d just jumped to the worst possible conclusion.

Evan dressed with short, jerky movements and went for a run. The fresh air only seemed to make his mind run faster and faster, his thoughts – disjointed – raced around inside his head, battering against the edges of his skull in a never-ending loop. Sheppard had been unfair, unreasonable. Adi needed a lot of support, and Evan had been providing it. Evan always provided it. Whatever Adi needed, whenever she needed it, Evan was there and willing… which Sheppard wasn’t. He never let her touch him in public, and Evan knew full well that at least half the time when Adi came to him, she would’ve sought out Sheppard if he would’ve let her.

Evan huffed out his frustration and turned, heading back to the populated parts of the city, his feet pounding on the ground in time with his heartbeat.

The mix of emotions bubbling inside him was very distracting and confusing, and by the time Evan had finished his run and had a shower, he was back to feeling miserable and unlovable and alone… but still angry, because the feelings of wrongness over how Sheppard had treated him were overtaking everything else.

He couldn’t face the mess hall, so he pulled out one of the MREs that he suspected all military personnel on base had stashed in their own quarters. Atlantis was one of those postings where you literally never knew what might happen next, and access to food was pretty important.

He ate without tasting it, then relieved Sergeant Coughlin – who’d been up all day harvesting and all night watching over Atlantis – listening to his report of Dr Frasier and Corporal Tinterfield’s arrival, and learning that Sergeant Timmons had assessed the South Tower an hour ago and stated that it had survived the storm just fine.

Coughlin had gone off to bed, and Lorne had gone to his office.

There was a meeting in an hour to discuss the explosion, the causes and aftermath and clean-up, and that left him an hour to fill. He was supposed to be working on the rosters today, and since he generally found the intricacies of balancing marines, shifts and rotations quite calming, he opened the relevant resources, and prepared to begin.

It was as he was staring, unseeing, at his screen that Evan realised he needed to get away. His emotions were still seething under his skin, he couldn’t concentrate, he couldn’t focus… if he stayed like this, he’d be useless in a battle, unable to assess a situation, determine a battle plan… He’d be a liability, a danger to everyone. He shook his head in frustration. This was ridiculous! He should be able to just squash this emotional stuff down, tuck it away inside, compartmentalise it. But then the expression on Sheppard’s face leapt into full technicolour in his mind again, and Evan felt the tears of devastation – and injustice – prickling again.

He sniffed, and focussed his gaze on the rosters. Fifteen minutes later, a bit of fiddling and fudging, a few swaps here and there, and he’d managed to change the rosters so that his own team would be the next to spend a week on Capeliga. The rotation was set for tomorrow, so he only had to make it through today, and then he could go, escape, disappear for a week. Spend a full week away from Sheppard, away from Adi, in the peace and tranquility of Capeliga, planting and gathering and milking and patting and painting. A break in the country… just what the doctor ordered to get his emotions back together.

Evan sniffed again, feeling a little bit calmer with a plan in place. Still angry, still hurt, still… well, he was a mess and he knew it. There were fifteen minutes until he needed to be in the conference room for the meeting, behaving as if nothing had upset him in front of Colonel Sheppard, in front of Dr Weir and all the Senior Staff. He stared at his screen for a moment, wondering how best to get his emotions all safely squashed back inside him, so they were unlikely to erupt when he saw his CO.

John woke at 0700hrs, his internal body clock reminding him he had responsibilities to assume. He sighed and stretched, so grateful when none of his muscles hurt. He turned his palms up and looked at them - good as new – and sent a silent thanks out through the door to wherever Adi was. The infirmary, she’d said. Made sense.

He rolled out of bed and through to the shower. And that’s where the sudden realisation hit that he’d screwed everything up last night. He sank his head against the wall of the shower as he replayed those first moments of walking into Adi’s room. The surprise at seeing Lorne, the sudden spike of concern that he’d been upset at someone’s death, and then the shock, when Lorne had said, “I didn’t think you’d be back tonight.”

John’s jaw clamped down on the remembered shock of walking into his house, home a few hours earlier than expected from his latest tour of Afghanistan, hearing strange noises coming from upstairs, walking into the bedroom and seeing his wife – his wife – riding some stranger’s cock, his hands on her breasts, her moans of pleasure, his body thrusting up off the bed as he talked dirty… to John’s WIFE! And she’d seen him and said, as she was scrambling off the guy’s dick and off the bed, “I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”

He shook a little as he felt the pain wash through him. He knew he’d reacted to that memory last night. He’d been reacting to Nancy cheating on him, taking another man into her body, when she knew her husband was due back from overseas in a few hours. Fuck! John thumped his clenched fist against the shower tiles, relishing the physical pain. He’d take that any day over this emotional shit.

He huffed out a breath. He’d fucked up and he knew it. He’d jumped to conclusions – not helped by McKay – but John wasn’t going to hide behind that. It’d been all him. All his fault. He was lousy at relationships, and he’d just proved it by not trusting Adi.

As soon as her exhaustion had penetrated through the layers of red rage, he’d realised that Lorne had been there so she could tap his aura. John had seen the wounded in the infirmary, but he’d been so exhausted himself, so focussed on Rodney, that he hadn’t taken the time to process that Adi would’ve been in the thick of that, healing auras and maybe more. What was it she’d said to him? ‘Holding almost dead people to life.’ He briefly wondered exactly what that meant. It sounded hard. He sighed, remembering coming to her room, hoping she’d heal his hands! God! What an idiot he’d been. Of course she would’ve drained herself to nothing, trying to help the nine wounded people.

John lifted his head off the wall and shook it angrily, realising he’d been damned unfair to Lorne. He knew Evan, he knew he wasn’t the kind of asshole who’d fuck around behind someone’s back, wait until the husband was gone to dally with the wife. Jesus! What the fuck had he been thinking, to react like that?

Feeling ashamed – and not a little embarrassed at having exposed his emotions so completely to his XO – John thought the shower off and reached for his towel. There was no way Evan could interpret his actions as being anything other than a very jealous lover. And John didn’t even know if he had the right to feel that way – he and Adi hadn’t ever really had ‘the talk’, had never discussed the boundaries of their relationship.

John pulled on his BDUs and slipped out of his room, heading for the mess and breakfast-to-go. Adi had said he needed to apologise to Lorne, and he knew it was true. And there was a meeting at 0800hrs about this explosion, so he’d better get it out of the way before then. That thought brought a tight wave of anxiety, because that probably meant a conversation about feelings, and he didn’t really want to face that. A thought wafted through his mind that Adi would say it was better to face the issue than to continue to worry about it. John huffed out a breath. Bloody hell! What was she turning him into?

He grabbed some fruit and a turkey sandwich and headed for his office. He didn’t know where Lorne would be, and he didn’t want to have to call him on the radio and ask. The rosters might give him a clue.

But as he walked through the door he came up short, because Lorne was there, sitting at his desk.

As John stood, uncertain about what to say, what to do now the moment was upon him, Lorne clicked something closed on his screen and stood.

“Excuse me, Sir, I have a couple of things to take care of before the meeting.” His posture was stiff, his face deliberately blank, but John didn’t make the mistake of thinking Lorne was feeling calm. That expression suggested there was a wealth of emotion hidden beneath it – and his eyes gave it away, bloodshot and slightly puffy.

John was blocking the exit, so he moved a little to the side. It was now or never, so… “Major,” he said, then averted his eyes. “I, um… I-I think I… maybe, um… owe you an… apology.”

There was a moment of complete silence, then, “If you only think you owe me an apology, then I suggest you reconsider the available data… Sir.” Evan’s voice was tight with suppressed emotion, and he stepped towards the door, but John held up his hand, stopping him.

“Okay… I-I do. I… do. I-I’m sorry.”

Evan stood still, tension rolling off him in waves, his hands scrunched into fists at his side, breathing shakily.

John winced, averting his eyes, not wanting to be a part of the train wreck that was rolling inexorably towards him.

“Permission to speak freely, Sir?” Evan’s voice was tight and very controlled.

John caught Evan’s eye in startlement, before looking away again. He swallowed, nodding.

“Off the record?” Evan asked.

John nodded again.

“Because last night… that wasn’t Colonel Sheppard being angry with Major Lorne. That was John being angry with Evan. And that’s how I want to talk to you. Just as Evan.”

John glanced up at him in consternation, then nodded again, moving around behind his desk, needing something between them, a barrier from the pain he could hear in Lorne’s voice. “Go on then.”

Evan nodded tightly, drawing a deep breath. When he spoke, his voice was shaking with suppressed emotion. “She’s yours. She’s picked you. She wants you.” He paused. “The way you looked at me last night… the expression on your face…” He breathed out unsteadily, looking down at the floor as he shook his head as if trying to get the image out of his head. “Please… don’t ever look at me like that again.” His voice was shaky and he took several more audible breaths.

John was standing motionless, unable to say or do anything as the waves of distress vibrated off the man facing him.

“Adi’s needs don’t just stop, simply because you’ve gone off-world; simply because you’re not available. Even when you’re here, she still comes to me, because you won’t touch her in public. You don’t want anyone to know what’s between you. But just because she hugs me or sits with me, it doesn’t mean she wants me. It means she wants you and you’re not available, and I’m… I’m just a… a convenient substitute.”

The raw pain in Evan’s voice was doing very uncomfortable things to John’s insides.

“She didn’t ask me into her bed last night. I offered. I offered because she’d just saved the lives of three of our people – after Carson had given up on them. They had incompatible auras, and she saved them anyway, because that’s what she does, what she gives, every damn hour of every damn day. And she was completely drained and I couldn’t take her to the fucking waterfall because there was an electrical storm and it wasn’t safe to fly. So I gave her the next best thing, which was my skin. And then you came in and you… you…” Evan stopped, breathing heavily. “You don’t get to look at me like that, like I’m stealing something that’s yours. Because I’m not.”

His eyes bored into John’s and the depth of pain in Evan’s soul was visible. John swallowed shakily. Evan’s feelings were written all over his face, and John suddenly knew that Adi would pick Evan… if she knew how he felt, she’d pick him. He was so much better at all of this emotional crap, so much better at saying what he felt. John felt the knife slicing through his heart, as he stuttered out, “If… if she knew how… how you feel—”

Evan laughed, but it wasn’t a nice sound. “She does know how I feel! She’s known for weeks! She asked me… straight out asked me, at the waterfall, the morning after Dr Quinten… after he…” Evan huffed out a breath, and when he spoke again, he had his voice under a little more control. “She asked me if I wanted to have sex with her, and I told her the truth. I told her I want her, that I’m attracted to her. But I also told her that I know she’s only offering friendship, and I’m happy with that. And she’s accepted that. She hasn’t shied away from me at all. She treats me just the same as she always did. And that’s as a friend, as someone with a compatible aura that she trusts not to hurt her. And I know that’s all I’m ever going to get from her. And I’m… I’m so fucking grateful for the crumbs she throws me.” He gulped and took a few shaky breaths. “And that’s still not why I was in her bed last night. If you’d been here, or Ronon… I wouldn’t have been anywhere near her. But you weren’t here. And it’s my job to protect all the civilians on base when you’re not here. And Adi’s a civilian. And her needs were for skin-time with the most compatible aura available. And that was mine. And the way you looked at me…” His voice broke, and he turned his head away, hiding his expression.

John was watching Evan, his heart shrivelling inside his chest. He’d caused this pain, he’d done this. Of course Lorne had been watching over Adi. That’s all it’d been. But he needed to explain… “My,” he started, but his throat was dry. He swallowed and tried again. “My ex-wife… she… she… when I was…” He huffed, shaking his head softly. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Silence settled over the office and eventually Evan broke it. “The meeting’s in a few minutes.” He took a deep, settling breath. “I’ve taken the liberty of altering the rosters. There’s a copy in your email awaiting approval. I’ve changed it so that my team will be rostered to Capeliga on the next changeover… that’s tomorrow.”

John lifted his eyes to Lorne’s, consternation written all over his face.

“I need a break, Sir,” Evan said softly. “I need to be where you… aren’t.”

“Approved,” John croaked out.

Evan nodded. He took a step towards the door, then swung back. “Adi needs more than just you, Sir. She needs a group of people about her, all supporting her, all the time. You can’t be the only person she touches, the only one she can go to. But you are the only one that she lets touch her in anything other than friendship. She’s yours, Sir. You don’t have to worry about that.” He caught John’s eye, and then he turned and slipped out through the door.

As the door slid shut, John pulled out his chair and collapsed down onto it, dropping his head into his hands.

The pain… the anguish in Lorne’s voice, on his face, in his whole fucking body… John was shaking from the aftermath of Evan’s emotional outburst. He reached for his mouse and clicked open his email, finding the rosters and approving them electronically, without even reading them. If Evan needed to get away from John, then John wasn’t going to be standing in his way. Jesus!

Dr Weir tapped her pen on the conference table, gazing at the door in frustration. It was already five minutes past eight, and neither the CO nor the XO of Atlantis had deigned to arrive. She glanced around at the other attendees – Teyla had come from the infirmary, weary and without breakfast, Ronon was here on time despite only learning of the meeting in the mess this morning, Dr Zelenka was here, clearly distressed at the loss of life and the injuries to his science team. Sergeant Timmons had come along, looking tired and worn, but he’d made the effort, and Dr Heightmeyer had cleared this hour in her busy schedule…

She sighed and tapped her radio. “Colonel Sheppard, Major Lorne, please come immediately to the Conference Room.” The doors opened and John strode in, taking his seat. He raised his eyes to Elizabeth. “Sorry, distracted.”

She nodded, and John glanced away. But that put him firmly in Teyla’s sights and he saw her take note of the tension in his body, the emotional overload he was struggling to hold in and knew was probably showing on his face. Her gaze sharpened and he shook his head a minute amount, looking away immediately.

Then Major Lorne came through the door and took his usual seat.

“Thank you,” Elizabeth said. Then she looked at Lorne and sat up a little straighter. “Major, is everything okay?”

He glanced up, meeting her eyes. “I apologise for being late, Dr Weir. There was a matter that took my attention. I’m ready to begin now.”

She nodded, but he was sure that wasn’t what she’d meant. His emotional outburst at Colonel Sheppard had clearly left its mark – and fair enough. He’d gone straight out to the balcony to try and pull himself together, shocked that he’d actually let all of that distress come boiling out of him, upset that he’d shown so much of himself to his CO. What if Sheppard worked out why that look, from him, had upset Evan so much? What if he realised that Evan was devastated that it had been John that had looked at him with such contempt and betrayal?

And then Dr Weir’s voice had come over his radio, and he’d known that his time was up. He had a job to do and he couldn’t delay any longer.

He dropped his eyes from Dr Weir’s, took a deep breath and began his debrief, bringing everyone at the table up to date on the explosion itself, the damage sustained, the rescue operation, the retrieval of the deceased, and the activity levels in the infirmary during the night, up until he’d left himself. “I handed over command to Sergeant Coughlin at that point, Ma’am, and carried Adi to her quarters to rest, before getting some sleep myself.”

‘Nicely worded,’ John thought. If he didn’t know where the Major had had that sleep, he’d have assumed he’d left Adi to it and retired to his own quarters.

Dr Weir was looking at him with concern in her eyes, but she didn’t say anything.

Lorne went on, recapping his return to duty at 0630hrs, relieving Sergeant Coughlin, and the updates he’d received of activity through the night, including the arrival of the SGC doctor and one of their nurses.

“Thank you, Major.” Elizabeth turned and glanced quickly out the window behind her to confirm what she knew. She turned back. “The storm has passed – has Adi been taken to the waterfall yet?”

“Ah…” Lorne turned his gaze towards the Colonel, and John jolted forward.

“Yes, Sergeant Banks alerted me at 0230hrs that it was safe to fly, and I called two marines and flew Adi to the waterfall myself. She took a very long time to recover in the water. I think she really had drained herself to practically nothing. We returned to the city at 0500hrs and she went straight to the infirmary. I took the opportunity for another couple of hours sleep.”

“How is Dr McKay this morning?” Elizabeth asked, acknowledging why John had needed sleep.

Teyla leaned forward. “I stayed with Dr McKay through the night. He is not in immediate danger. The toxin is very slowly breaking down, however the wounds in his leg are badly infected and they are trialling different antibiotics to try and find one that will deal with this. None of them appear effective so far and there is some concern.”

“Adi might—” Lorne cut himself off with a sudden, uncomfortable glance towards his CO.

“That’s a good suggestion, Major,” John said, keeping his tone as even as he could. “I’ll discuss it with Dr Beckett when I visit the infirmary after the meeting. Rodney’s aura’s the wrong colour for Adi, but she may be able to do something about either the infection or the toxin… or both perhaps.”

Teyla was now eyeing both Evan and John with a look of intrigue as if there were a mystery to be solved, and John cringed silently on the inside. Any minute now, and the glow of understanding was going to hit Teyla’s face, and then John was for it. Because Teyla had warned him to speak to Adi about this, and he hadn’t. And she’d told him Rodney meant nothing by his comments, and John had taken them to heart anyway, and acted on that.

Elizabeth had asked Radek for a debrief on what had caused the explosion, and John tuned back in in time to hear that the labs in the South Tower had been explored the preceding week and marked as needing further consideration. Dr McKay hadn’t been interested in participating as it had seemed they were just biology and chemistry labs, so Radek had been tasked with managing the exploration. He’d assigned staff from xenobiology, botany, chemistry and linguistics, along with a couple of scientists from other disciplines who’d been interested, to spend the day working through the labs, cataloguing them and determining their purpose. He, himself, had been in the area for most of the day, overseeing everything, and had only headed back to his office just half an hour before the explosion to deal with one of Rodney’s experiments, as Dr McKay had been off-world yesterday.

Radek’s tone was very subdued as he described the likelihood of two chemicals being released and causing the explosion. “I cannot think of any other reason for this to have happened. We may learn more from the scientists themselves when they have recovered enough to report what happened. But my people are well versed in explorations of this type. We have very strict protocols surrounding these activities, and I do not know what else we can do to keep everyone safe.” He pushed his glasses up his nose, and his distressed eyes looked around the room, as if hoping someone would make a suggestion that would mean no more scientists would ever die.

Elizabeth sighed. “Thank you, Dr Zelenka. We don’t have a medical representative here, so we can’t know the current status of our injured people, but I do know that there are far too many, and the injuries are too severe, for them to be managed here. That’s why I alerted the SGC to expect an influx of severely wounded personnel. The arrival of Dr Frasier and Corporal Tinterfield was a welcome surprise – but even so, I expect Dr Beckett will still choose to send some, if not all, of the nine people wounded yesterday, back to Earth for their recovery.” She turned to Lorne. “Are any of the wounded blue-green, Major? Could Adi provide any healing for them?”

Evan looked like a deer in the headlights, but, after a brief and uncomfortable pause, he said, “I haven’t checked their aura colours. But I doubt any of the three Adi kept alive were blue-green. I could feel her crying, and I assume it was from the pain.”

John dropped his head forward, eyes on the table. Fuck! She really had been a wreck. And Lorne had been helping her, holding her together. He sighed as Lorne continued.

“I’ll check the register after the meeting, Ma’am, and let you know. You can see if Adi would be willing to try and heal any of them. Well, heal them further. Because she’s already done their auras – I assume that’s what she was finishing this morning after her trip to the waterfall, because she wasn’t able to get to them all last night. She didn’t have enough energy.”

Elizabeth leaned forward. “She had eight people with blue-green auras around her, Major, and you, yourself lying naked, full length underneath her body. How is that not enough?”

Evan closed his eyes for a moment and very carefully did not look at Sheppard. “She has to convert any energy she draws, and that uses her own energy. Plus, the dissonance from the aura colours clashing – I expect that disrupts the energy flows, and she’s said that touching mis-matched auras is like thousands of ants biting her the whole time. She had to have an injection to stop her from vomiting. And she spent, what, six hours, holding those three alive, after Carson had said he didn’t think they could be saved? I don’t know exactly what she was doing, but it hurt like hell, and took a lot out of her. I didn’t want her to heal the auras because she was so drained from saving the lives, but… well, you know Adi.” He stopped.

Elizabeth nodded. “Right. Thank you, Major.” She paused for a moment, and when she went on, she’d moved to the next topic. “I’d like to hold the memorial service for the six personnel we lost in two days’ time. Colonel, can you please coordinate that?”

John nodded.

“Dr Heightmeyer? I know you have patients to see soon.”

“Thank you. Yes. I counselled several people during the late afternoon and through the night, and I have a full schedule for today and tomorrow. Now that Adi has been… refreshed in the waterfall, I’d like an email to go out offering her services to anyone who has been unable to get in to see me. An event of this magnitude leaves many people bereft, or needing to speak with someone about their experience. And, as Adi so eloquently pointed out not that long ago, I am only one person.”

Dr Weir nodded. “I’ll ask her permission before I send the email, but I agree. Six dead, nine wounded, all those rescue and medical personnel who had to deal with the trauma… and even all the blue-greens who stood around Adi yesterday for all those hours, watching three of their colleagues near death, struggling for every breath...” Elizabeth shuddered. She’d been badly affected herself by the severity of the injuries, the obvious fight for life that had been going on in that infirmary last night. “Having Adi available would be a great help. I’ll check with her and send something out.”

“Thank you,” Kate said. “I’ll head off now. I don’t wish to keep my next appointment waiting.”

She left and Elizabeth turned to Sergeant Timmons. “Sergeant, can you please give us an idea of the extent of the damage, and what needs to be done.”

So Sergeant Timmons explained, in detail, the extent of the damage, the actions that had been taken in the immediate aftermath of the explosion to render the area safe so they could extract the wounded and the dead, and the steps he’d set in train since then to stabilise the affected areas. He then went on to describe the clean-up that was currently in progress in the tower, and the surveying that would need to be done once the area was cleared, so that a plan could be drawn up for repair, and an order placed to the SGC for parts. He was thorough, he was comprehensive, and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that he was one hundred percent competent.

“Thank you, Sergeant. You and your people have done an excellent job.” Elizabeth looked around the table. “Does anyone have anything further to raise regarding the explosion?”

People were shaking their heads, and Elizabeth nodded. “Right then. Colonel Sheppard, can your team please remain? We’ll debrief your mission from yesterday.”

Major Lorne stood to leave, and Elizabeth caught his attention. “Major, could you go down to the infirmary and ask Adi if she’s willing to be available as a counsellor… or perhaps an emotional support person? And perhaps you can check if she feels she could heal anyone at the same time?”

Evan faltered for a moment and then nodded. “Of course, Ma’am. I’ll check the aura colours now, and then see to that.” His tone was subdued and Elizabeth held his gaze. “Major, are you okay?”

He straightened. “Yes, Ma’am.” He left the room with alacrity, and Elizabeth sighed, turning to John. “I’m concerned about Major Lorne, Colonel. Perhaps you can speak with him? It’s not like him to take himself off duty in the middle of a crisis as he did last night.”

John swallowed. “He didn’t take himself off duty, Elizabeth.” He took a deep breath. “Adi was almost completely drained, and the electrical storm meant she couldn’t be taken to the waterfall, or go outside into nature. And Ronon and myself were off-world, so the next most compatible aura was Major Lorne’s. He waited until Coughlin was back in the city, so there was someone competent to hand over too, and then he took Adi back to her room and gave her some skin-time.” He thought he’d managed to keep his tone very even as he’d said all of that, but a quick flick of his eyes to Teyla’s showed him that look of comprehension he’d been hoping not to see.

“Oh,” Elizabeth was saying, “why didn’t he just say that?” She slumped back in her chair. “I was worried that he’d been involved with one of the people who was killed. He looks really upset.”

“Can we debrief now?” Ronon asked. “I’m hungry.”

“I shall begin,” Teyla said, and did so. She detailed the entire mission, the challenges of the terrain, the fact that the facility appeared to be beneath the lake, the need to blow up the rock blocking the Stargate, and the attack on Rodney, and finished with a description of the arduous return journey, with Rodney’s leg continuing to bleed despite their best efforts. “Dr Cole said that the venom had an anti-coagulant in it, but she gave Rodney some clotting agents and the wounds stopped bleeding not long after.” Her tale, whilst it had covered all aspects of the mission, had been mercifully succinct.

Elizabeth looked at Ronon then at John. “Anything to add?”

They both shook their heads.

“Okay then, please schedule the destruction of the rock, and then we’ll need to set aside a day for a mission with a jumper.”

John nodded. “Will do.”

“Then we’re done,” Elizabeth said and stood, stretching tall to relieve the tension from sitting for so long.

John hightailed it out of the conference room, but not quickly enough.

“Colonel,” Teyla called, as she ran to catch up with him. “Please accompany me onto the balcony.”

He sighed, but went. Denying Teyla was pointless. She’d get it out of him eventually, and the harder she had to work at it, the more likely he was to end up with nasty bruises the next time they sparred.

Teyla leaned against the balcony railing, gesturing for John to join her. “You are in distress, John. As is Major Lorne. With each other. What has passed between you?”

John shook his head and said nothing, just staring out at the ocean, his hands almost white as they gripped the railing.

After a few minutes, Teyla shifted restlessly. “John, I have not eaten since early evening yesterday, and I have barely slept in more than twenty-eight hours. Please, will you not share this burden with me, let me help you to carry it?”

John huffed out a breath. “He was in her bed, Teyla.” He lifted his hand and rubbed it over the back of his neck. “I… I reacted… badly.”

“Oh, John,” Teyla said, and the depths of compassion in those two words nearly undid him.

“He’s rostered himself to Capeliga from tomorrow. Said he needed to get away from me.” John turned suddenly to face Teyla. “I didn’t… I know, I…” He huffed out a breath and shook his head in defeat. “It was my fault. I way over-reacted. I shouted at him, Teyla. I shouted at him to get out.”

“What was Adi’s reaction?”

“She told him to get dressed before he left.” John huffed. “She was too exhausted to do anything else. I realised that after… after he’d gone.” He was quiet for a moment, then, “Teyla, I fucked up.”

Teyla nodded. “Yes, you did. I gather you have not spoken with Adi regarding your concerns about her feelings for Major Lorne.”

John shook his head, averting his gaze. “He said… he said she knows he wants her. But… she’s chosen me.”

Teyla rolled her eyes, and John could see her thinking that she’d already told him that, and he hadn’t believed her.

“I trust you have apologised to him?” Teyla said, her eyes on his.

John nodded.

“Then you will need to see what time can do to heal these wounds between you, John. But Major Lorne fears being… linked to Adi in any way now – that was very obvious from his reactions in the meeting, and this you must heal, and soon. It is unfair to Adi that you take away a support, and it is unfair to Major Lorne that you take away a friend.”

John nodded, acknowledging Teyla’s point.

She sighed and John heard nothing but disappointment in the soft sound. He flinched.

“I am going to seek my bed now, John. Please check on Rodney. He was sleeping when I left him to come to the meeting. Susie was with him but she will have duties...”

John nodded, meeting her eyes. She wasn’t looking at him with disappointment, it was more like… baffled affection, as if wondering why she put up with him and all his emotional uselessness. Then she put her hands on his shoulders and bowed her head, and he responded in kind, drawing strength from her friendship.

“Thanks, Teyla,” he whispered.

“You will fix this, John. That is all the thanks I need.”

Chapter Text

Evan escaped from the conference room and went to ground in his office. He knew the Colonel would be a while debriefing the mission from yesterday, so he thought the door locked and just shook for five minutes. Then he took a few deep breaths, and reminded himself that a) he was a Major in the Airforce and needed to get his shit together, and b) he was going to have a full week to do that properly from tomorrow, so he just needed to hold it together for today.

That actually made him feel a bit better, so he thought the door unlocked and opened the Auras list, scoping out the names of the injured. Damn! Only one was green – and pure green at that. There was a blue-indigo. And a green-yellow. He’d learned that Adi always listed the predominant colour first, because she’d corrected him when he’d reordered someone’s aura colours according to the colours of the rainbow. He’d learned ROY-G-BIV before he’d even started school, and the blending of colours was part of his artistry with paints as well, so putting them in the right order was second nature to him. But Adi had watched him writing the colours down and had stopped him, explaining the importance of primary versus secondary colours. So… lying in that infirmary were six people with totally incompatible auras, two with partially compatible auras, and only one with a fully compatible aura. God! No wonder she’d been a mess. He wondered briefly what she’d done to hold those three critically wounded people to life, but then he shrugged. It wasn’t really relevant, she’d done it, and they’d live. Hopefully.

He rose and headed for the infirmary.

Dr Frasier spotted him as he came through the doors, and a big smile lit her face. She came rapidly towards him. “Major Lorne! It’s a pleasure to see you. Have you come for an update? Or are you injured?”

“Um, neither actually. I came to check on Adi.”

“Oh, well, she, um, she made her way around the room, going from patient to patient, and then she… well, she crawled into bed with that Corporal at the far end.” She pointed. “He was already in the infirmary; he wasn’t one of the recently injured.”

Without even looking, Evan knew she’d be in Smithers' bed. He felt a surge of justification go through him, wishing that Sheppard could walk in now and find Adi in bed with Matthew, but then he stomped on it, knowing that was just his hurt making itself known. “Ah, yes, that’ll be Corporal Smithers. He was blown up by C4. He has a very compatible aura for Adi. She’ll be replenishing her energies by drawing from him.”

He nodded at Janet and moved past her, not noticing her look of intense interest, and crossed the infirmary towards Smithers’ bed. Adi’s eyes flicked open before he was halfway there, and a look of relief crossed her face. She extracted herself from the bed, pulled on her top and came towards Evan, and when she reached him, she silently took his hand and towed him into the storeroom. He glanced back, but no-one was watching them. The patients were either unconscious or sleeping, and the medical staff were all busy.

The moment the door closed behind him, Adi dropped his hand and turned in against his body, sliding her arms around him and sinking against him, and Evan found his arms circling around her of their own volition. He huffed out a breath, not sure if he should be doing this or not, but actually desperately needing a hug himself, so he just let it happen, tightening his arms and cradling her close.

The hug went on forever and Evan found the ragged holes in his soul starting to mend. No matter what happened, it seemed that Adi wasn’t going to freeze him out. Eventually he loosened his arms. “Are you okay, Adi?” he asked softly, as she slowly pulled away from his body.

“I am, Evan. But I am concerned for you.” She lifted her hand and cupped his cheek, gazing into his eyes. “I am so sorry that I did not have the strength last night to explain to John the circumstances. He treated you most unfairly and I wish that I could have stood up for you. Are you all right, Evan? Your aura is quite distressed.”

Evan swallowed, and nodded. “Yeah. I, um, I wasn’t. I was pretty, um, upset. But the Colonel apologised this morning and, well…” He huffed out a breath and stepped away, back, putting distance between them. He spotted a desk in the corner of the storeroom and hitched himself up onto it, swinging his legs. “I may’ve, kinda, lost my cool. He, uh, he said he thought he owed me an apology and I kinda flipped out and dumped a whole lot of emotional crap on him.” He risked a glance at Adi, but her expression was open and supportive, as always. No condemnation, no anger that he’d treated her guy badly.

“Did this leave you feeling calmer, Evan? Did you feel heard?”

Evan thought about that for a moment, then he laughed softly. “I’m not sure. We had to go to a meeting straight after, but I told him… I told him he’s got you, he doesn’t need to worry about me muscling in.”

Adi’s eyes filled with compassion, and she crossed the distance between them, reaching for Evan as she closed on him. He spread his legs so she could get in close and hold him, and once she was snuggled up against him, he dropped his head down onto her shoulder. His voice was muffled as he spoke. “He said if you knew how I felt, that you’d pick me. So I told him you did know. And you’d picked him. I think he’ll be okay now.”

Adi took a deep, shuddery breath, but didn’t let go. She was leaning against him, her head resting against his shoulder, and Evan held her more tightly, breathing in the warm smell of her skin, wanting this, wanting her. But he couldn’t have her. “I’m going to Capeliga tomorrow, Adi. With my team. We’ll be gone for the week.”

Adi drew back from his embrace, and gazed up into his eyes. “I will miss you, Evan. I value your friendship more than I can say. I hope you will find the serenity you seek on my home world. It is a very calming place.”

Evan laughed gently and nodded. “It is. I’m going to paint, a lot. And milk impilli, and collect eggs, and be a farmer. Quite different from my usual lifestyle.”

Adi smiled at him. “You will be very close to nature, and your aura will replenish. Perhaps you will lie in the stream and let the rush of water raise your energy levels.”

“Perhaps I will.” He straightened up, turning from Evan back into Major Lorne. “Adi, I had some questions I need to ask you…”

She took a half step back and gazed at him. “What do you wish to know, Major?”

“Three things. Dr Heightmeyer’s asked if you’d be willing to be available for people to come and talk to you if they need support or counselling. She’s a bit overworked with everyone who was affected by the explosion.”

“Of course. You need not ask. I have already offered to do this.”

“I think she wanted to make sure you had the energy. Obviously she was overrun last night, but you were busy saving physical lives, so she just wanted to check you were available to help psychologically now.”

Adi nodded. “I am.”

“Okay, good. Second question. McKay was injured on the mission yesterday. He’s got some sort of toxin slowly breaking down inside him, and his leg’s infected. They haven’t found an antibiotic that can kill the infection yet. We were wondering if you might be able to do anything about either of those? I know his aura’s a bad colour for you. What do you think?”

Adi frowned lightly. “I do not know. I will need to feel his aura to see what is happening. I was unaware he was injured. John did not mention it.”

Evan left that comment alone and focused on the challenges instead. “What about the wrong colour aura thing?”

“If you and John and Ronon are all available to provide energy, I can attempt something. It will be short and sharp, as I do not wish to be inside another incompatible aura for physical healing today.” She shuddered, her face falling as the memories of yesterday assailed her.

“Hey,” Evan reached out his hand and squeezed her shoulder. “You don’t have to do anything for him at all. He’s on medication, and the venom’s breaking down. They’ll find something for the infection, or he’ll fight it off himself. He’s not at real risk. Not yet at least. If it’s too much, Adi, we’d all rather you just said so.”

Adi gave him a weird look. “I am not always very good at self-care, Evan.” Her tone was light, but he could hear the truth in her words.

“I’ve noticed. Especially when there are injured people about.” He sighed. “I didn’t want you to heal those auras last night, Adi. You were so far gone by then.”

Adi nodded. “I think you were probably right, Evan. But they were in danger, and I could do something to help.” She lifted her shoulders as if to say, ‘what else could I do?’

“Oh!” Evan suddenly exclaimed as a memory came to him. “I need to tell you something. It might make you feel uncomfortable.” He looked at her closely. “Dr Quinten came to the infirmary when I called for all available blue-greens, and he… well, he… helped.”

Adi gazed at Evan steadily. “I know he did. I felt him.”

Evan’s eyebrows lifted. “Really? You can identify people by the feel of their aura?”

Adi nodded. “Very easily. I could pick you out of a crowd of a thousand or more – in the pitch black at the dark of the moon. With my hands tied behind my back.”

Evan felt his heart warm and smiled at her softly. “I guess that means you know me pretty well.”

Adi smiled back, nodding slowly. “Yes, I do. What is your third question?”

“Dr Weir says they’re planning to send the injured back to Earth. We can’t help this many people here. But she wondered if there’s anyone out there you could heal? Physically heal? The journey through the gate’s a bit risky for critically injured people.”

Adi looked very unsure. “Not today. I am too…” She shook her head. “Not today. But maybe tomorrow, I can consider it. Do you mean to stabilise them, only? Not to actually heal them of all those wounds.”

“Yeah. Or maybe, like the really badly burned ones, could you heal that? Because we can’t heal burns. Not properly.”

Adi nodded slowly, consideringly. “I do not know. It is not something I have done before. I will need to practice.” She sighed. “I do not wish to try it on someone with an incompatible aura. It is too hard. Perhaps I can make a small burn on my own skin, and then work out how to heal it.”

Evan jerked at that. “No, Adi, don’t do that. Please don’t burn yourself. If you need a guinea pig, I’ll send you a marine. Hendrix, or De Sousa.”

Adi laughed, softly at first and then a huge belly laugh. “Oh, Evan, I do not think Carson will ever talk to you again if you send me marines so that I may burn them!”

She was still laughing when the door opened, and Dr Frasier poked her head in. She pulled up short when she saw them, Evan still sitting on the table, Adi standing sideways between his legs, the laughter cutting off as she turned sharply to face the threat. Evan moved his hand to her shoulder. “It’s okay, Adi. It’s Dr Frasier. Have you met her yet?”

Adi shook her head, and Janet came into the storeroom. “I heard a noise and came to investigate.”

“Sorry, Doc,” Evan said, moving Adi aside a little so he could jump down off the table. “I was just asking Adi about healing some of the people out there.”

Janet raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “And she thought that was a very funny question?”

“No,” Evan responded, deadpan. “She was laughing at my lightning wit. She’s prepared to have a look at McKay, see if she can do anything about the toxin or the infection in his leg. And she thinks maybe tomorrow, she’d be prepared to see about stabilising any of the others, so they’ll be in a better state to go through the gate.”

Adi turned sharply to him, realisation suddenly dawning. “You will not be here tomorrow.”

Evan shook his head, and Adi sighed. “I will ask Corporal Hendrix and Corporal De Sousa to assist me instead.”

“The Colonel and Ronon should be here, too.”

Adi nodded. “I will be fine, Major.” She turned back to Janet. “I will do what I can, but I cannot face being inside another aura today. I am sorry. I will check Rodney now, though.” She stood still, not willing to pass by this unfamiliar woman, and Janet jerked suddenly, and apologised as she led the way out of the storeroom. “I’ve been briefed, Adi, but only about not touching you. I know nothing about the healing that you do.”

Adi looked her over, and Janet wondered what she was doing because her eyes seemed to be looking near her, not at her.

“Actually,” Adi said, “you could touch me. Your aura is a blend of the most beautiful greens I have seen in a long time. It is like sitting in a forest glen on a warm summer’s day, surrounded by trees and shrubs, all of different hues. But I would prefer that you do not touch me, unless I ask it of you.”

“Of course,” Janet said, and then one of the nurses called her, and she hurried away.

“Will you need me for McKay?” Evan asked.

“Yes, please, Evan. While I check his aura. I am still feeling… not prickly any longer because the waterfall fixed everything. But the sensation of prickling and itching and thousands of ants biting me without stop for hours on end has left a… a fear behind.”

Evan looked a bit unsettled at that description, and Adi smiled comfortingly at him, then followed him to Rodney’s room.

Colonel Sheppard was inside, sitting by Rodney’s side. He may even have been holding his hand, but he shifted very rapidly as the door opened.

Evan stopped, seeing him. His voice was tense as he said, “You could use the Colonel, instead, couldn’t you, Adi? I’ve got some duties elsewhere.”

Adi turned to him. “Of course, Major.” She gazed at him for a moment, preventing Evan from leaving, and then she stood on tip toes and kissed his cheek. “Be safe. Come back whole again.”

Evan blushed and exited, and Adi turned back to Rodney. She deliberately didn’t look at John, not wanting to deal with his emotions right now. She’d actually been quite shocked at John’s behaviour in the night, and being unable, herself, to deal with the situation on the spot, her feelings were now a little off-balance with him. And what she’d said to Evan was perfectly true. The six hours she’d spent touching her skin to the three critically injured people she’d helped to save had been pure torture, and she’d had to use all her strength of mind to stay there. Only Evan’s calming aura, the warmth of his body beneath her, had given her the courage to remain.

“How is he, John?” she asked, her gaze on Rodney.

“Um, he, um, he’s doing okay. He’s got an infection in his leg, and there’s a toxin…” His voice trailed away. He was feeling very unsure of his position here. Adi had brushed him off this morning when they’d returned from the waterfall, she’d just come dancing into the room with Lorne, and when Lorne had tried to escape, she’d kissed him. And now she wouldn’t even meet his eyes. He hunched his shoulders a little, pitifully grateful that she hadn’t called him ‘Colonel’. He suddenly felt a spike of fellow-feeling for Lorne, knowing he’d had to watch Adi wanting John. “Adi? Are you… are you okay?”

She lifted her gaze from Rodney and met his eyes. “I do not know, John. Your behaviour in the night has unsettled me, and left me feeling…” She sighed. “You were very angry and, John, you lifted me and held me tightly against your body when I was barely conscious and unable to move away.”

John gulped. “Shit. Did I?” He tried to think back to last night. He’d been so exhausted, and then the rush of adrenaline when he’d entered Adi’s quarters. He remembered falling down by her bedside, pleading with her, desperately wanting to show her how much he loved her, and then… oh, yeah. Okay.

The memory showed on his face, and Adi nodded at him.

“Yes, you did.”

“God, I’m sorry Adi. I’m sorry for all of it. I… I…” He suddenly pushed back his chair, stood jerkily and walked out, unable to deal with any of this. Everyone was angry with him today and it was too much.

Adi watched him go and sighed, then turned back to Rodney. He had tubes coming out of his leg and an IV in his arm, along with oxygen cannulas and a blood pressure cuff and… She huffed out a breath and slowly lifted her hand, resting it over Rodney’s aura. It sparked unpleasantly against her own, and she drew her hand back sharply. She walked out of the room and pressed the radio button on the wall in the main infirmary. “Chuck?”

“Adi? Is that you? Are you okay?”

“I am. Could you please ask Ronon to come to the infirmary if he is available? I need his aura to buffer me.”

“Will do, Adi.”

Adi returned to Rodney’s room, not wishing to leave him alone. But a moment later, the door opened and John slipped back through. He’d heard her radio call and he caught her eyes for a moment before averting his gaze. “Will—will my aura do, Adi? Or would you… rather Ronon? I can… go, if you want.”

“I do not want, John. I want you to stay, and work this out. Let me express my feelings and listen to them. Express your own. Tell me what was in your mind last night to cause you to behave so. But this is not the place or the time for this discussion. Major Lorne has asked me to help Rodney if I am able. But I cannot bear to even touch his aura today, unsupported.”

John swallowed and walked across to her. “Okay. We can… talk… later. How do you want me, now?”

Adi pulled off her top, and gestured to John to do the same. He pulled his tops free of his pants and then lifted them off over his head.

She looked at him for a moment, and then said, “Please stand behind me and embrace me.” She turned to face Rodney, then suddenly swung back. “You—you will not touch me, other than for this purpose, will you?” Her voice was nervous, and John closed his eyes, knowing he’d done this, too.

“I promise, Adi. I’ll only touch you to share my aura.”

Adi nodded and turned back to Rodney, and John moved into position behind her. She reached her hand forward. The same dissonance was there, but she had John’s aura buffering it somewhat. His aura was distressed though, reflecting the emotional turmoil inside him. Evan’s had been just the same, and Adi wondered what was going on between them all. Everything seemed to be in a mess. Still, she was here for Rodney now, and she tried to push away the itchy, scratchy horror of his aura and sense what was going on inside.

Suddenly she pulled her hand back and straightened up, perforce pushing John up too. “I cannot bear it,” she said, her tone desolated. She turned around as John took a step back, and she followed him, leaning just her head against his chest, her arms clamped tightly about her own waist. Her voice came muffled. “Your aura is all upset, and Evan’s was upset, and mine was replenished from the waterfall, but then I healed a lot of auras this morning and the memories of all those incompatible auras from yesterday and this morning, and the clashing of the energies and the itching and scratching and…” She huffed out a shaky breath. “They had to give me an injection to stop me from vomiting. And I cannot… I cannot bear to do it again.”

John lifted his arms and slid them around her, holding her lightly. He wasn’t sure if he was making it worse by touching her, but then again, she was leaning her head against him, so their auras were already blended.

The door opened and Ronon came through, walking no more stiffly than usual. John had twisted his head to see who was coming in, and he rolled his eyes now at the evidence of Ronon’s youth and fitness, in comparison with the aching pain John had been in before Adi had helped him in the waterfall.

“What’s up?” Ronon asked, not even seeming to notice that John and Adi were both half naked.

Adi drew a deep breath and took a step back from John. “I wish to see if I can heal Rodney in any way, Ronon, but it is very… uncomfortable for me. Will you blend your aura with mine, to buffer me?”

“Sure,” Ronon said. “Where do you want me?”

“Will you take off your top and then hug me from behind?”

John took a step away, feeling useless, but Adi turned to him. “John, will you stand to the side and hold my arm?”

Ronon frowned, looking between them. He moved into position, but kept flicking his eyes between John and Adi, clearly wondering why he was hugging her and John was just holding her arm.

Adi ignored them both and focused her attention back on Rodney. The fritzing of his aura was slightly less revolting with Ronon providing soothing, stable and calm energies, and John’s support was helping too. Despite Adi’s discomfort around him this morning, he was still her mainstay, and she wanted him there. She closed her eyes and concentrated. It took only a few minutes to heal his aura, and then she looked at the wounds. They were deep, very deep, and nasty, slashing through the tissues on the way in. She counted six wounds and wondered what the creature had looked like, but the nausea was rising, so she quickly pulled her attention back. She could see the infection, the tissues inflamed, pus building on every surface, the flesh starting to almost… rot. The toxin was visible to her as well, and it was insidious. It was in the very tissues themselves, as well as in the blood.

She gasped and pulled her hands back, drawing deep breaths. “I am going to vomit,” she said, and turned to the side and did so, all over the floor. Ronon had jumped backwards, out of the way, and he immediately left the room, returning in a few moments with Dr Frasier and an orderly, who set to work cleaning up the mess on the floor.

John was holding Adi in his arms, her limp body leaning against him. He stiffened as Dr Frasier’s eyes took in their positions, their lack of clothes, but he didn’t let go.

“Adi?” Dr Frasier said, and Adi opened her eyes a crack.

“I need an injection that will take away the nausea please, doctor, but will not dim my mind in any way.” She lifted her head to John. “Can you go too, Colonel, and read my medical records, and make sure it is the right medication for me? Dr Cole gave it to me last night.”

John nodded, feeling grateful that Adi still trusted him to watch out for her. He pulled his t-shirt on and followed Janet from the room.

She brought up Adi’s records within moments, but Dr Cole hadn’t recorded the medication she’d used, or even the fact that she had dosed Adi. Janet pursed her lips. “It’s not recorded, Colonel. Dr Cole was… distressed last night. I’d recommend ondansetron, although it can cause drowsiness.” She was pulling up another document and John realised it was a schedule of all available medications in the Atlantis infirmary. “There’s several options available though, and they all carry the risk of drowsiness. I wonder which was used?”

“Can we ask Dr Cole if she remembers?”

Janet shook her head. “No, she’s been sedated. Her partner was killed, but there were so many injured, needing attention, that she had to work through it all anyway.”

Fuck! What a mess. Then John remembered Elizabeth saying that Lorne had lain, naked, underneath Adi for six hours. He reluctantly tapped his radio. “Lorne, do you know what anti-nausea medication Dr Cole gave Adi last night?”

“Um, something starting with O, I think. Um, Odd… something.”

“Ondansetron?”

“Yeah, sounds about right.” There was a tiny pause then, “Is, um, is Adi okay?” His voice was very uncertain.

John huffed out a breath. “Yeah. She vomited, touching Rodney. We’ll give her the ondansetron.” He tapped his radio closed, and turned to see that Dr Frasier was already drawing up the dose.

When they returned to Rodney’s room, Ronon was sitting, leaning against a wall, and Adi was curled up in his lap, as much skin touching as was possible, and John took a moment to accept that this didn’t bother him in the slightest. But if that’d been Evan… he sighed. Clearly he needed to get his jealousy under control… somehow.

Janet was kneeling down and reaching to inject Adi, but Adi shook her head, stopping her. “Colonel, is this the right medication? Will it make me groggy or sedate me?”

“No. It’s okay. Dr Cole didn’t write it down, Adi, but I checked with Lorne. He said it was this one.”

Adi’s expression had passed from acceptance to fear to relief as John answered, and she nodded her permission to Janet.

Once the medication was in, Adi caught Janet’s eyes. “Dr Frasier, the venom is moving.”

“Yes. I know. It’s breaking down and leaving his body.”

Adi shook her head. “No. It is breaking down, and digging into his body.”

Janet’s eyes grew wide. “What do you mean?”

“It is… I think maybe the venom was carrying the babies. And now it is breaking down, and the babies are attaching to the shredded flesh in Rodney’s leg, and possibly what is leaving the body is just the fluid that carried them.”

“Like semen,” Janet said consideringly, and Adi jerked against Ronon. He dropped his arms immediately and she stood and moved to put herself closest to the door.

“It’s okay, Adi,” John said softly. “You’re safe here.”

Janet’s eyes were flicking between Adi and John, and Ronon said, “Can’t talk about sex near Adi. Freaks her out.”

Adi was using her breathing to bring herself back from the sudden memory that had spiked through her over-taxed mind, of Bola Kai cum all over her face, in her mouth, in her nose…

Ronon stood and slowly walked over to her. “Let’s heal McKay. Give you something to focus on.”

Adi nodded in gratitude and returned to the bed, and Ronon moved to his position behind her, John standing to the side as before, his hand warm on her arm. Janet was standing on the far side of the bed, her expression fascinated as she watched Adi reach out her hands to Rodney’s leg.

Adi wormed her way in through the sparking, jagged aura and down, down, into the torn and damaged flesh. There, she could see them, the tiny little babies, growing bigger, even as she watched, feeding from the infected muscles. She wasn’t sure what she could do, but she could see the problem, so maybe… she gathered energy from Ronon and John and pulled it into a spear in her mind, and stabbed it into one of the babies, and it shrivelled and died. But there were so many… so very many.

She sagged back against Ronon. “I can kill them, but there are too many. I have killed one. There are a hundred or more.”

Ronon lifted her and crossed back to the wall, sliding down and cradling her against his body.

John was talking to Janet, recommending they put Rodney under the scanner, and she was asking about it, because that was technology that was unfamiliar to her as it was only available in Atlantis. Adi watched as John pulled out the cables connecting Rodney’s machines to the wall and helped to push his bed through to the main infirmary. She stood to follow, and Ronon snagged her top and handed it to her, pulling his own on before they left Rodney’s room.

The green hatching was passing back and forth over Rodney’s body, and Adi went to stand with Dr Frasier and John at the computer monitor.

“Oh my God,” Janet said, and Adi could see why. There was a colony of red dots showing, clustered inside the wound in Rodney’s leg.

“Can you fix it, Doc?” John asked, and Janet shook her head. “I’m not sure… I don’t… I’ll have to think.”

“They are growing very quickly,” Adi said. “I could see them getting bigger.”

Janet’s eyes widened and she huffed out a breath. “Dr Beckett will be back on duty in three hours…”

Adi shook her head.

John turned to her, placed his hands on her shoulders and held her eyes. “If we took him to the waterfall, with me and Ronon, could you kill them, Adi? With all that energy from the falls?”

Adi closed her eyes and slumped forward. “Yes,” she whispered. Tears welled up and started to fall, and she pulled away from his hands and turned to Ronon, leaning into him and almost disappearing from sight as he wrapped his whole body around her.

“Why is she crying?” Dr Frasier asked John quietly. “Doesn’t she want to heal him? I know Dr McKay isn’t a very popular person—”

John’s eyes turned stormy and he cut her off. “He is here. She’s crying because his aura’s red and it’s going to be incredibly painful for her to do it. But she will do it, because that’s what she does. And because you can’t stop those alien creatures from growing in his leg.”

“I need a moment to think, Colonel, we may be able to do something.”

“They’ve got six talons and five eyes, and they move really fast. If we don’t kill them, Atlantis is gonna be overrun with a hundred of them, and soon we’ll just be a breeding colony for them. Adi said she could see them growing. I’m guessing they don’t have a long gestation period.” He glared at her. “Prep him for travel. I’m going to wake Carson.”

Fifteen minutes later, Rodney was loaded aboard the jumper and Carson was bustling into the Jumper Bay, hastily pulling on his white lab coat, his emergency medical bag in hand. John had ordered Corporal Parkes to accompany them, thinking that Adi would be a mess after this and would want to stay in the waterfall forever. Parkes could fly Rodney, Carson and Ronon home, and that way, John could stay with Adi and perhaps have that conversation they needed to have. Someone could come collect them later. John settled into the pilot seat and thought the jumper up and out, heading for the waterfall.

Chapter Text

It took Adi more than two hours to sort Rodney’s leg out, and John was shivering well before she was done. The water was colder today than he remembered it ever being, and a sedated Rodney was heavy and cumbersome. He and Ronon had held him between them, in the same way he and Lorne had held Smithers – only this time it was Ronon standing in the little pond to equalise their heights.

The sedation had started to wear off around the ninety-minute mark, and by the time Adi was finished, Rodney’s body was alert. He was no doubt wondering what the hell was going on, waking to find himself in a waterfall, being held in a seat-hold by his two team-mates, a naked Adi in front of him with her hands all over his leg. But beyond a few small twitches, he hadn’t seemed to object at all. And eventually, Adi had tapped John and Ronon on the hands and they’d settled Rodney’s feet down onto the ground and had helped him out of the waterfall.

Adi hadn’t followed them, and by the time John had handed Rodney into Carson’s care, directed them to leave without him and Adi, and told Parkes he’d radio when they were ready to be collected, he found Adi had curled up on the rocky ground directly beneath the falls, her knees to her chest, her face hidden and the water slamming into her back and shoulders. He sat beside her, reaching out a hand and gently squeezing her shoulder to let her know he was there. Shivering wasn’t much fun, but he wasn’t keen to leave her alone. It was unlikely she’d slip if she stood, and even if she did, the pool of water would save her from going over the edge of the falls and plummeting to her death, but still…

Forty minutes later he gave up and exited the falls anyway, towelling himself off, quickly donning his clothes and then sitting on a rock, trying to absorb some heat. The day was overcast, which wasn’t really a surprise given they’d had a storm yesterday, but it was still a hell of a lot warmer out here on a rock, than in there under the water.

He could see Adi from where he was lying on his rock, still curled up in a ball, and another twenty minutes passed before he began to worry. He’d known this would be hard for her… she’d vomited just from looking at the wounds, after all. The anti-nausea meds had clearly worked because she hadn’t vomited in the waterfall at all, but now she was just curled up in there. He started to wonder if she’d maybe fallen asleep, and was just thinking he’d better strip off and go back in, when he saw movement.

Adi’s head lifted and she stretched forward, her arms coming out to support herself as she pushed up onto all fours. She stayed like that for several long minutes before she pushed herself to standing, slowly unfurling until she was upright. This was the point where she usually leaned against him and John realised that she was swaying slightly, so he stripped off again and went back in. Even though he was expecting it, the touch of the crisp, cold water was a bit of a shock after the warmth of the rock. He appeared in front of Adi and she turned to face him fully, taking a step forward to lean her arms against his chest, resting her forehead over his heart. And then she stood still. For ages.

She was shivering and her skin had a slightly blue translucence to it, visible even through the pounding of the water, and John was seriously starting to worry. He slid his arms around her and drew her, unresisting, fully up against his body, thinking that at least he could supply body warmth to offset the chill of the water.

They stood like that for maybe thirty minutes, and then Adi leaned back and John dropped his arms. She let the water hit the front of her body for a while, and then, finally, she started to dance. John took a step backwards, wanting to see all of her, because the flowing and swaying and swirling motions were quite intoxicating to watch. He kept his head tilted down to protect it from the water, but his eyes tilted up, following her movements. She was beautiful like this… well, she was beautiful to him all the time. But like this… she was… ethereal.

Eventually her movements slowed and stopped and she stepped forward, reaching for John’s hand and letting him lead the way safely out. Adi paused in the clearing to pick up her clothes and towel, but then started straight down the pathway, naked. John dithered for a moment, but then decided he didn’t want her walking, naked and alone, through the great outdoors, so he gathered up his own gear and followed her down.

Adi was waiting on a rock in the jumper clearing when he arrived. She was lying naked, the warmth of the rock no doubt being absorbed straight into her skin. She was still shivering though, and she still had a blueish tint to her skin. She sat up when she heard him approaching, and seeing it was just him, she laid back down.

John sighed. So she may be mad at him, and she might be feeling a bit scared because of him hugging her like that – what the hell had possessed him last night? – but she still trusted him, trusted him enough to lie completely naked on a rock in front of him, knowing that he wouldn’t take advantage. Right now, he didn’t want to take advantage. He wasn’t even sure he still had male parts. The water had been so cold, everything had shrunk and pulled up towards his body, and he hadn’t yet warmed up enough for any reversal of that natural process to take place.

He crossed the clearing and climbed up onto the rock beside her, lying down too. She shuffled across and snuggled up against him, and John closed his eyes as gratitude washed across him. She wasn’t shutting him out at all.

They lay on the rock in the clearing for a long time. So long in fact, that the light started to seep from the sky, and eventually John stirred. “Adi, it’s getting late. I should probably radio for the jumper to come.”

“We need to talk, John,” she said softly, and the hand that had been resting on his chest lifted a little, and the fingers started swirling in a small circle. “I do not like what happened last night, and I would like you to help me to understand. I was resting in my bed, with Major Lorne’s aura to support me as best it might, unable to replenish my aura in any other way. And suddenly you were in my room and shouting at Evan and being very unpleasant, and rather scary.” Her hand stilled suddenly, and John felt her body grow taut. “And then, when Evan went to get dressed – because in your culture it is unacceptable to suggest that he leave my room naked and walk the halls that way – you grabbed me and held me to your body in a very tight embrace. And I did not consent to that, but I was too weak to protest your actions. And then when Evan had gone, I was so desperately in need of an aura to blend with, that I asked for your help. And then you brought me to the waterfall.” There was silence for a moment, and Adi spoke again. “This was my experience, John. I have shared with you my truth, events as I lived them. I would ask that you now do the same… that you tell me of your experience, explain to me your truth.”

John had listened to Adi’s story with shame, feeling everything she wasn’t saying. That she’d found his anger scary had upset him, and that she hadn’t had the strength to protest him hugging her…well, that made him feel like he’d violated her. That she’d asked for his aura, not because it was him, but because she was desperate… God. He swallowed and felt all his body muscles tightening with the knowledge that he had to speak, to talk, to tell Adi what he felt, what he’d been feeling last night.

Adi could feel John tensing up, and when five minutes had passed without him speaking she took a deep breath. “John?” Her voice was soft, compassionate, caring. “I know that speaking of your emotions is very difficult for you, and I am sorry to ask you to expose yourself in this way, but I need to understand, and only words will enable this. We have made it this far with very few words, but now we are in a tangle, and I think the only way to unknot ourselves is for you to share what you are feeling. I will not judge you, John, I just wish to understand.”

John didn’t even know where to start, but he knew Adi would wait, would give him time. He suddenly sat up, settling himself beside her, but not touching her. His hand rose of its own volition and ran over the back of his neck as he drew a deep breath, and, his voice shaky, began to speak. “Rodney… he thinks you and Lorne are… too close. He—he said that… Lorne would try to—to take you. He… doesn’t like the… hugs you give Lorne in the mess… he says they’re… really intimate.” John huffed out a breath, his body releasing tension all in one whoosh at having got even that much out.

Adi gave John a few minutes to continue, but when he didn’t, she spoke. “John, are you saying that you felt… threatened by Evan’s presence in my bed, because Rodney has been suggesting that Evan will try to build a closer relationship with me?” Her tone was even and uninflected, no judgement, no anger at his assumptions, just a desire to understand, and John sighed, a lot of stress washing away in the face of her ready acceptance of what he’d said.

“Um, well, yeah. I—I…” He stopped and decided this sort of conversation really needed movement if he was going to get through it. He pushed to the edge of the rock, dropped to the ground, and started pacing backwards and forwards. Eventually he came and stood in front of her. “I want to tell you something. But it—it’s hard.” There was a long pause as John stood still, staring at the ground, his hand rubbing ceaselessly over the back of his neck. “My, um… my ex-wife, she… she cheated on me. I was away… overseas… and I came back and she… she was with another guy. I… that was it. She dumped me and… we got divorced.”

He glanced at Adi and suddenly realised he was talking to someone from an alien culture – and a culture where no-one would even blink an eye if they came home to find their partner having sex with someone else. “Fuck! You don’t even know what that would feel like, because you all just fucked around with anyone!”

Adi had sat herself up when John had moved off the rock, and was sitting, crossed legged, her elbows resting on her knees, her chin in her hands, watching him. Her expression was serene. She was just going to let him say whatever he needed to say. And he knew she wouldn’t judge him.

“You’ve seen our movies, Adi. We don’t… we don’t have lots of partners at once. We… if you get married, that’s meant to be it. The one woman for the rest of your life. And… she was supposed to… to wait for me, not… not hook up with another guy. She was mine and she… he… they were in my bed!”

His shoulders scrunched forward and he stood, breathing heavily with the force of his words. After a few moments he glanced up at Adi, needing… something.

“And this is what you remembered,” Adi said softly, “when you came into my room last night? You remembered going into your bedroom on Earth and finding your wife, your one partner for life, in an intimate situation with another man?”

“Yes!” he shouted. “Yes! And I—I thought you… he… I thought...” Huffing out a breath, John sank forward onto the ground, shaking as all these emotions buffeted him. He knelt all the way until his backside was resting on his heels, and his hands rose and linked behind his head, pulling it forward, so he could only see the ground. He was fighting tears.

He felt a soft hand on his shoulder, and then Adi’s knee appeared on the ground in front of him. He could feel her warmth against his side. “John, I am very sorry that you had that experience with your wife. She broke the rules of your culture, and I am certain the images from that discovery have burned themselves into your mind. It is clear that the emotions of the situation are still strongly with you, and perhaps you fear that this will happen to you again.” She paused for a moment, then continued. “You spoke of Rodney’s thoughts and opinions. But… I do not believe you would have taken Rodney’s comments on my actions so much to heart, if you were not already concerned yourself about my behaviour. Is this so?”

John nodded. He felt as if everything inside of him had been pulled out and put on show, simmering on the surface of his skin, and there was nothing left hidden away inside him. His voice was raw as he answered Adi’s question. “You hug Lorne all the time. You—you sink against his body, the same way as you do with me, and you… you laugh with him. And at the bonfire on the mainland, you... you fucking fell asleep in his arms, Adi! You look… you look so comfortable with him, and I—I… Do you want him, Adi? Do you… do you want him?”

Adi drew a deep breath and considered the question. She hadn’t really noticed she’d been doing something wrong, because for her, she hadn’t been. “You know that I hug Ronon the same way, John, and that I sat with him at that bonfire, too, danced with him against my body. Have you noticed this?”

John huffed and dropped his hands down to his knees, lifting his head. He gazed unseeingly across the clearing. “You think of Ronon like a brother. Yeah, you always curl up in his lap at movie night, and you sat with him at the bonfire, sure… And you were curled up with him in the infirmary today, too. But… it’s just Ronon. I know, I know you don’t…”

“You see a difference in the depth or direction of my feelings in relation to Ronon and to Evan?”

“Yeah. I—I’ve known for a while that Lorne… that he… it’s been pretty obvious he… has feelings for you. But Ronon, he just wants to watch out for you. He’s added you to his family, I think.”

Adi smiled, and John felt the shift in her facial muscles where she was leaning against his arm. “I have a great deal of affection for Ronon.” She took a deep settling breath and sat up straight and John instantly missed the warmth of her against his skin. She was still naked, and he only had on his boxers, but it was starting to really cool now, as daylight turned to dusk. He stood and crossed to his pile of clothes and dressed, waiting for Adi to answer his question, terrified of what she was going to say.

Adi moved back to her rock, hopping up on it and sitting on the edge, her legs dangling over the side. “I was unaware that you were feeling unsettled, John, and I am sorry that you have felt this way, that my own actions have been the cause of pain for you. I am drawn to Evan, and it had not occurred to me that I should speak of this to you. Amongst my people it would not have been necessary to do so … everyone was free to share themselves with others as they would, and so I did not think to mention that there was a difference to me in hugging Ronon or Matthew, and hugging Evan. And in truth, it has come upon me so gently… With you, it was a shaft of lightning and I just knew that you were for me, that there was a great… connection, between us. If you remember, I fell asleep in your arms on the Bola Kai planet, John. My soul was already drawn to yours, in the first moments of our meeting.”

There was silence for a minute or two, before Adi continued. “With Evan… I do not truly know what I feel for him. I trust him completely and without reservation. I know he will never hurt me or seek to obtain more than I wish to give. I feel safe with him. I know I can always go to him, rely on him – he has never turned me away. But, on the surface, these things are the same for Ronon and Matthew as well, although they are not the same. I feel these things… more with Evan than with the others, much more. I feel a warm glow of joy when I see Evan. It is not of the same strength as the feelings that well up inside me when I see you, John, but it is there, and growing. It is far greater than any sense of pleasure that I feel when seeing Ronon or Matthew. And you four, you are my closest people.”

She sighed and looked down at the ground. “I lived all my life with my community on Capeliga, and never once felt an attraction to any of them that was not based in pure friendship. Even Losiri… he was drawn to me, he wanted me to be much closer to him, to bond with him, to share myself with him… but I felt only a strong depth of care and companionship for him.” She smiled but it was tinged with sorrow for the loss of her friend. “My people did not condemn me for my lack of intimate feelings, they accepted me as I was. But it means I have no experience in any of this, John. I am… I am trying to find a way to be true to myself, to my culture, whilst fitting within the bounds of yours.”

She lifted her head to meet John’s eyes. “You are the first person that I have ever felt such a deep connection to, John, the first person for whom I have ever felt an attraction beyond simple friendship. I cannot imagine my life if you are not a part of it, and I do not feel I would find any pleasure in my days if I did not have you in the back of my mind, embracing me in the warmth of your affection. But I also cannot say that there is nothing more between Evan and I than friendship, because I do not know if that is true, and I will not lie to you.”

John had finished dressing now, and he crossed and leaned against the rock next to Adi. He liked some of what she’d said, but she hadn’t been very reassuring about Evan. He sighed softly. “If I’d said no, when... when you asked me to help you get used to... touch, would you… would you’ve asked Lorne?”

Adi considered that question carefully and John closed his eyes as he waited, wishing he’d kept his big mouth shut. “At that time… no, I do not believe I would have. I would simply have put that need aside, as something that could not be addressed. Now… possibly. He is warm and safe and caring, and although I know that he wishes to be closer to me, he does not act on this in any way. But I think… still no, I would not ask him… yet. With you, I had been sleeping in your arms for months, John, I knew you were safe, and I felt that I could ask you this, because my depth of feelings for you meant that I desired to be closer to you. I… with Evan…” She huffed out a breath. “You are making me consider my feelings in a way that I have not done, John. I do not know what I feel for Evan, because he is just… there, beside me, with me, supporting me, sharing his friendship with me. But I do not wonder where he is, during the day, and I do not worry when he leaves Atlantis.”

“Do you worry about me?”

Adi jumped down from the rock and turned to face John. She lifted her hand and gently cupped his cheek. “Yes. Every moment of every day when you are away from the city, I worry. And when you are in the city, I wonder where you are, and if I might see you at lunch or at dinner.”

A slight smile lit John’s face, a growing warmth inside him. “I’m sorry I hugged you last night.”

Adi nodded slowly. “Why did you do so, John, like that?”

He swallowed. “I was… I was sure you’d picked him and I—I wanted… I needed to be as close to you as I could… to show you what I… feel. I just… I’m jealous of him.” His voice was low and scratchy, as if he were ashamed of his feelings.

Adi eyed him carefully, feeling his words, deep in her soul. She took a deep breath, needing to broach something, but unsure how John would respond. “John, I wish to suggest something to you, for you to think about.”

John twitched, but then stilled. He nodded jerkily.

“You have said that you feel jealous, when Evan and I are together. That you worry about what is between us. And you have suggested this is because you are jealous of Evan touching me. But I wonder if it is possible that you are also jealous of me, because I can be close to Evan. I can hug him, hold him, talk to him, laugh with him, seek him out, spend time with him… all things that I believe you wish to do, but cannot because your culture will not allow it.”

John opened his mouth to deny that… then closed it again.

Adi nodded slowly at his dawning comprehension. “Today I lay with Matthew in his bed in the infirmary, John, because I needed the support of his aura. If you had seen me there, would you have shouted at Matthew, as you did at Evan?”

“No! No. I… it’s just Lorne.”

Adi nodded, feeling the truth in John’s words. “Yes. It is just Evan. And so I think it is not impossible that you are feeling jealous of us both, John. And there is no shame in feeling so. Your culture is set up to create jealousy, because you only allow for one lover, one partner. In my culture, jealousy simply doesn’t exist, because if you want someone you can have them.”

“So if… if you decide you… want Lorne, then you’re… what? Just going to have him?” John shook his head miserably, imagining it all too clearly.

“I do not think that will work for you, John,” Adi said softly, “and I will not risk losing you. It distresses me that you feel jealousy because of my actions. It is not a nice emotion for you to live with and I wish that you did not feel this way. But I also do not want to feel that I must change who I am. It is a part of me to hug my friends, to blend my aura with others, to touch those who are dear to me. My whole life has been lived thus, and to deny myself that… I will shrivel inside.” She paused for a moment. “If I give up my friendship with Evan, you will feel safe, John, but I will feel bereft. I will feel that I have had to change who I am to meet your standards and I will grow to resent the bars I have placed about myself to appease you. And Evan will lose my friendship, which I believe he values, and he has done nothing to warrant that. We must find another way.”

She leaned in against his body, her head resting against his chest, and he brought his arms up, surrounding her, pulling her against him. At least she was willing to try and find a compromise. She hadn’t just said she was going to hook up with Evan regardless of how John felt about it. He gazed out at the clearing, trying to think what other way there was to work this out.

The light was almost gone now, and Atlantis must be wondering what the hell was happening. They needed to call for the jumper soon. “Adi, will you give me your word that—that you won’t let Evan… kiss you, or… touch you?”

“Of course, John. I do not wish him to, so that is easy. I wish to hug him and hold him and laugh with him and spend time with him. But I do not wish to be intimate with him. It is too scary.” After a moment she said, “Well, if I am to be perfectly honest, I greatly enjoy being naked with him. It warms my soul to feel the touch of his skin against my own. But yes, John, I promise that I will not invite Evan to touch me in anything other than friendship. Evan has said he will not seek a closer relationship with me, and that nothing will happen between us unless I wish it to. So if I do wish to be closer to him, at some time in the future, then I also promise now, that I will talk to you about it before I take any steps towards seeking a deeper connection with him. Will this help you to not feel jealous?”

John sighed. “I think it’s the best I’m going to get, so, yeah. Okay. Thanks.”

“What more can I offer, John? Because you do not sound content.”

“I just… I don’t want to—to share you, Adi.” John huffed out a breath. “I—I’ve never felt like this before. Not even for Nancy. And I—I loved her. I know I loved her. But I don’t… I don’t think I’d handle sharing you very well. Obviously.” He rolled his eyes at himself. “Look at last night. But… Teyla told me ages ago that I... well, that I'd have to get used to the idea. That I was going to have to either... share you or lose you.” His arms tightened convulsively about her and Adi let him hold her closer.

“I do not wish to make you sad, John. But I also need to be myself. And maybe I never will feel ready to be closer to someone else, as I am with you. I cannot know that. I have so many issues to overcome before I might feel ready to be intimate with anyone other than you. What I do know, is that you are the most important person in the universe to me, and I do not wish to live without you in my life. And even if I were to find that my feelings for Evan have moved from a very close friendship to something more, it will not diminish what I feel for you, it will only enhance it.”

John was about to respond when he suddenly saw lights approaching through the sky. “Shit. They’ve sent a jumper. Quick, Adi. Get dressed.”

Adi moved to her pile of clothes and pulled on her knickers and bra, her top and pants with alacrity, the recent conversation with John regarding nudity in public in the forefront of her mind. She had not even considered it in the infirmary yesterday, stripping off, both to let her aura flow unimpeded, and to enable greater access to the auras of others, needing their energy to hold those three desperately injured people to life. But this wasn’t a life-or-death situation, and so she would observe the proprieties of John’s culture.

She moved back to John’s side once she was dressed. “Have we resolved the issues between us, John? Is there more you wish to speak of, when we arrive home?”

He shook his head. “No, I… I’ll try not to feel jealous.”

“And I will try to be more aware that my actions impact on your feelings.”

The jumper was descending into the clearing now, and John pulled Adi back to the wood line, not wanting her to be squashed if the pilot lost control at the last moment. He wondered who it would be, hoping it wasn’t Lorne. He was feeling way too raw to deal with that right now. But when the ramp slowly opened, it was Ronon who appeared.

“You okay?” he asked, as he leaned forward out of the jumper, his arms up above his head holding on to the hatch.

“Yeah. We’re good. Thanks for coming,” John said. He was ushering Adi aboard.

Ronon shrugged. “You didn’t answer your radio. For hours. McKay made me come.”

They were moving forward now, sitting in the front compartment, and John could see it was Corporal Parkes in the pilot seat. He nodded to him to carry on, and turned back to Ronon. “Sorry, I switched it off when we went into the waterfall.” He reached into the pocket of his BDUs and pulled it out, turning it on and slotting it back in his ear. “I was about to call you anyway. Anything important happen while I was gone?”

“McKay’s all healed, but Carson won’t let him go, so he’s shouting a lot.”

John rolled his eyes. “I’ll go visit him. Anything else?”

“Lorne went to Capeliga. The marines there had some question, so he packed and went. We were s’posed to spar tonight.”

John kept his tone carefully neutral. “You can beat me up instead if you like, once I’ve placated McKay.”

“Sure. Sounds good.” Ronon turned to Adi. “You okay?”

She nodded. “It took many hours for the energy in the water to replenish my aura, and to remove the residual dissonance from being inside Rodney’s body for so long.”

“Her skin was blue. I gave up and went to sit on a warm rock and left her to it,” John said and Ronon laughed.

“Wimp.”

John took umbrage at that, and Adi sat and watched as he interacted with his teammate, looking calmer and more settled than he had in a while. The realisation was dawning on her that John had held this worry about her relationship with Evan for some time. Hopefully, their discussion here tonight would help him to feel safer in her affections. Only time would tell.

John walked into the infirmary after dinner, prepared for anything. A healed Rodney who was being forcibly detained was not going to be a happy Rodney. And yep, he could already hear him as he came through the door.

“No, you moron. Why the hell would I want it there? Put it where I can reach it. What do they teach you in Corporal school?”

John was close enough to see the grin on Corporal Jadis’ face as she re-positioned the dinner tray. “How to make meals that irascible scientists will enjoy.” She smirked at him and sped away, back to the mess.

Rodney turned his attention to John as he reached for his knife and fork. “Oh, kind of you to drop by, Sheppard. I hope I’m not taking you away from far more important matters than finding out if your Chief Scientist and best friend is about to start spawning alien monsters.”

John pulled up a chair, sat and lifted his boots onto the bed, crossing his legs at the ankles. He leaned back, placed his arms casually behind his head and smirked. “Nah. I’m good. Got everything important done, so thought I’d pop down and see how you’re enjoying life in the infirmary.”

Rodney spoke through his mouthful. “I’m not. They won’t let me leave.”

“You’d think they’d have enough to do, without wanting you here too,” John said, looking around for a doctor. He saw Carson busy two beds over and waited until he finished then caught his eye.

“Ah, Colonel,” Carson said as he came across. “I hope you can keep Rodney here entertained.”

“Why’s he still here, Carson? Adi thinks she fixed him.”

“I wasn’t broken,” Rodney objected. “I was being used as an alien breeding ground.”

“I want to monitor him for twenty-four hours, to make sure all the wee babies have been eliminated.”

“Seems a bit excessive, Doc,” John said, “and you’ve got a lot of actually sick people here. Why not just ask him to come back every eight hours or so for a scan? Your infirmary’ll be a lot quieter without Rodney keeping the sick people awake.”

Carson looked tempted, and Rodney’s eyes were gleaming. “Yes. This is the first truly good idea you’ve ever had, Sheppard.”

“Hey!” John glowered at him, but Rodney didn’t care, he was eyeing Carson, waiting for his decision.

“I promise I’ll come straight back if I feel anything at all, Carson, and I’ll reappear regularly for a scan.”

“Aye, verra well. But I want to scan you before bed tonight.” He glanced up at the clock. “It’s 2000hrs now, so I’ll have you back here at 2200hrs, we’ll scan you and then you can go and sleep. I think six hourly check-ups will do for now.

Rodney pushed his food tray away and rubbed his hands together in glee. “Excellent.”

“You’ve time to finish your meal, Rodney. I need to do the discharge paperwork,” Carson said as he bustled away.

Rodney’s face fell, but John just pushed the meal tray close again and Rodney picked up his fork. Then he put it down again. His eyes met John’s. “Lots of my scientists died.”

“Yeah, I know buddy. I’m really sorry.” John looked out across the infirmary, seeing bed after bed of maimed people… his people. He sighed.

“You okay?” Rodney asked. “Your guys died too.”

“Yeah, they did. And they weren’t able to keep your people safe. I’m sorry, Rodney.”

Rodney’s eyes drew together in disbelief. “Only you! Only you would apologise because there was an explosion that killed six people, and you’re sorry that your grunts couldn’t save my scientists… from an explosion!”

John winced. “Well… yeah. That’s what we’re here for, right? To keep the civilians safe.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes. But it’s not always possible, Sheppard. And how do you know that your guys weren’t responsible for pushing those survivors out of the way of the blast, or shielding one of them with their dying breath?”

“I guess I don’t.” There was silence for a moment as Rodney went back to eating, then John lifted his eyes and caught Rodney’s. “Thanks, McKay.”

Rodney nodded at him. “At least nine of them survived – thanks to Adi, apparently. She came by earlier to see me. I was worried. You guys just never came back.”

“Yeah, she took forever… and I do mean forever… to come out of the waterfall. But she seems fine again now.”

Rodney gave him a cheeky grin. “And she healed me… even though I’ve got the wrong colour aura. So that just proves that she loves me.”

John gave him a jaundiced look. “She vomited all over the floor earlier, just from touching you. So I don’t think you should look quite so smug about all the ‘love’. I’ve never had a girl touch me and then barf everywhere.” He smirked.

Rodney was just starting on a very acerbic response to that comment, when Susie appeared by his bed, distracting him. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying, but she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “Hey babe, how’re you feeling?”

“Good. I feel good,” Rodney replied. “They’re letting me go.” He turned to John. “You can go now, Sheppard. Go do important Colonel-y things.”

John stood. “Sure. I’ll go do a snap inspection of the barracks, then.” He caught Rodney’s eyes and held them. “Don’t miss those scans, Rodney. Adi thinks she got them all, but it’s only going to take one of the little buggers to have good stealth skills and suddenly we’ve got that scene from Alien going on right here in front of our eyes.”

Rodney slumped back on the bed. “Thank you so much for that mental image. I’ll be having nightmares now.”

John laughed and left, making for his quarters. He changed into his sweats and headed for the gym. He was feeling strangely light of spirit, almost as if a heavy weight had been lifted. Teyla was just finishing up with a student, so he waited, and when they’d done the courtesy head touch, he moved onto the mats, swinging his bantos sticks.

“Welcome, John,” Teyla said, fixing her gimlet eyes on him, and John flinched, remembering her frustration with him that morning.

“I fixed it, Teyla,” he said. “It’s fixed.”

Teyla held his gaze, her eyes steely. “Major Lorne has left the city, Colonel.”

“Oh, well, yeah. But I fixed it with Adi. That conversation’s done.”

Teyla looked him up and down. “You do seem… calmer, John. Let’s see how your new mood affects your ability to fight.” And then she was coming at him, sticks twirling, and John’s only care was for not getting hurt.

It was a good couple of hours later that John limped down the hallway towards his quarters. After he’d acquitted himself quite well with Teyla, Ronon had stepped onto the mats, and he had not been gentle with him, although John was sure he’d be fine by morning. He was just a little sore now. He thought maybe Ronon had blamed him for Lorne leaving him high and dry by heading off to Capeliga without notice. Or maybe Teyla had told him it was all John’s fault.

John turned on the hot water, wondering how he felt about it himself. He hadn’t wanted to talk to Lorne again today, anyway. The whole situation was all too emotionally fraught. But he did want to know that Lorne wasn’t still feeling so… raw. He stood in the shower and enjoyed the sensation of the water cascading over him – the hot water. So much nicer than the freezing cold waters of the waterfall. How Adi had stood it for all those hours was beyond him.

His mind flicked back to Lorne. He’d been really upset with John in their office. Really upset. And John knew he had good cause. His mind replayed Evan’s comments, realising how many times Evan had said he hadn’t liked the look John had sent his way. Hmmm. John knew it had been a look filled with rage, but probably also a whole lot of ‘you’re fucking my woman.’ Maybe that’s what Evan hadn’t liked. He didn’t think pure anger would've upset him that much.

John sighed as he soaped his torso. He was going to have to apologise again. Teyla was right. Lorne had been gun-shy in that meeting, and later in the infirmary, about being seen with Adi, or being seen to have any connection to her. And he needed to fix that. Lorne had also been right when he’d said Adi needed more than just John. She did. He knew that. He just didn’t like it.

He thought the water off and stepped out of the shower, accepting the fact that he was probably going to have to find a way to get used to the sharing thing. Adi had been pretty open about her feelings. And if she spent much more time around Lorne, she was definitely going to fall in love with the guy. Lorne was very easy to love. A small smile played around John’s mouth as he pulled on his sleep pants and his softest t-shirt. Then the smile disappeared, as he remembered again the anguish in Lorne’s voice. God! He’d caused that… he’d done that to him… and he sure as shit didn’t want to cause Lorne that kind of pain, ever again.

John climbed into bed and pulled the covers up, thinking the lights off. He’d decided he needed to be alone tonight. So much crap had happened in the last twenty-four hours, he just needed a little time to… chill out? Balance himself? He wasn’t sure. He just knew he needed some processing time.

That was his last thought before sleep claimed him.

Chapter Text

John walked into the infirmary the next morning and saw a cluster of people around one of the beds on the far side. He walked a little closer and realised Adi was there with Ronon, Hendrix and De Sousa all touching her – Ronon was actually standing behind her, hugging her naked torso with his own, and the two Corporals had their hands on her arms. Carson was there as well, watching the screens above the bed, and there were two nurses hovering.

He didn’t want to interrupt, and he assumed if Adi had needed his aura, she would’ve asked for him to come. So he glanced around at the rest of the injured. There were so many. He wanted an update on everyone so he wandered over to Carson’s office and peeked inside. Dr Frasier was there, staring at her screen. John went closer, and saw it was security footage. It was Adi, lying naked, face down on someone’s body – Evan’s body his mind filled in for him – her arms and leg outstretched, touching wounded people while a whole lot of other people stood around with their hands on her. He tensed as he saw the image of Dr Quinten, holding Adi’s foot in his hands.

He must’ve made a noise, because Dr Frasier startled and turned to look at him. “Oh, Colonel, sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.” She turned back and paused the video. “How can I help?”

“Why are you watching that?” he asked.

“I know so little about Adi’s abilities, Colonel, and I wanted to see what she’d actually done to save those people. I’ve seen their charts and their injuries, and I’ve read the reports of the surgeries they underwent. They shouldn’t have survived long enough to make it to surgery. Adi saved them. She… held them alive. I wanted to see how.” She paused for a moment, her expression thoughtful. “And think of what she did yesterday, with Dr McKay. Blood tests were showing us the toxin leaving his body, so we thought he was okay. But Adi pin-pointed an entirely different problem, and then… fixed it. When we couldn’t. We would’ve had to poison his tissues – find some chemical that the babies didn’t like, to kill them. And Dr McKay may have been permanently maimed from that. Instead, he disappears off to a waterfall, and returns fully healed.” She gazed at him. “I am fascinated by this woman.”

John nodded in understanding. “Yeah, she’s got some cool skills.”

“Can I ask you something?”

John pulled himself up to sit on the spare desk in Carson’s office, his legs swinging gently, and nodded.

“When I first saw Adi, she had two Corporals touching her arms, and then she climbed into bed with another Corporal – Smithers I think his name is. And then Major Lorne appeared, and I found them together in the storeroom, and it was pretty obvious that Adi had been touching him as well, and then, in Dr McKay’s room, she was touching you, and then sitting in Ronon’s lap. We were informed when we arrived that no-one is to touch her, that we weren’t to go close unless we told her we were there. And yet… she seems to constantly have people touching her.”

John had taken note of the ‘Lorne and Adi hiding out in the storeroom touching’ comment, but he kept his voice carefully even. “All those people you saw her with have blue-green auras, and she was drawing on that energy to either use it to heal someone, or to repair her own aura. That’s why the Corporals were touching her – she was using their energy to heal the auras of the injured. And because most of the injured personnel out there have aura colours that are incompatible for her, she was obviously using Smithers to rebalance herself after she’d finished the healing.”

“Incompatible? But she’s out there now, doing some sort of healing so we can take the nine injured personnel back to Earth, later this morning. So if they’re incompatible, how is she helping them?”

John sighed lightly, wondering why it was always him that had to explain. “The aura energies clash when the colours are incompatible, and it feels revolting and makes her vomit. She won’t be doing actual healing out there. She’ll just be patching stuff. She can do things like closing a bleeding artery, or plugging a hole in a collapsed lung. Emergency stuff. And she’ll be doing whatever Carson’s asked her to do out there now. She can’t actually ‘heal’ people unless they’re blue-green and generally standing in the waterfall with her. She’s done a lot for Smithers because we didn’t want to send him back to Earth. And she’s done small repairs, tiny, for Ronon and Lorne without the waterfall, but they’ve both got really compatible auras for her.”

Janet looked intrigued. “Do you think she’d be willing to come to Earth, if we had something like Dr McKay’s situation?”

John felt his heart miss a beat and his expression shut down.

“Oh, maybe not then,” Janet said, sighing.

“It’s possible,” John said reluctantly. “She’d need to take a whole lot of blue-greens with her for support though, so you’d be stripping Atlantis of half the command staff.”

“Hmm,” Janet said thoughtfully. “I assume that we’d have people at the SGC with blue-green auras, so couldn’t she just use them?”

John shook his head. “Adi doesn’t… cope well, with random strangers touching her. She’d need to… bring people she trusts.”

“Oh, well, I’ll keep it in mind for emergencies then.” Janet looked up and met John’s eyes. “I’m glad you came in, Colonel, because I want to apologise for my remark yesterday about Dr McKay. It’s true that he’s not popular at the SGC, but I can see how well loved he is here. He came back from the waterfall yesterday and did nothing but shout and rant and rave, and everyone… well, everyone smiled at him. And he had a long stream of visitors. A little man with glasses came and sat with him for an hour with a laptop and they argued with each other without stopping, and at the end, the man smiled at him, squeezed his shoulder and said he wanted him back in the lab as soon as possible.” She paused for a moment. “I can see that he’s very well valued here. So, I’m sorry for the comment I made. I was out of line.”

John nodded. “Yes, you were. There’s no denying that Rodney can be a bit challenging at times, but he’s… he’s got a lot of great qualities and he’s… well respected here. He’s saved our lives a lot of times… mine included, and he… cares about his people, even when he’s shouting at them all for being idiots.” He smirked at her and stood up. “Can I get an update on my people out there, Doc?”

“Of course, Colonel.” Janet stood as well and led him out to the first patient, giving him the facts of their injuries, prognosis and immediate treatment plans, before moving on to the next bed.

Adi was lying curled up in Corporal Smithers’ infirmary bed once more, his skin warm against her own, just drifting. She was feeling drained again. When she’d returned from the waterfall – and her long conversation with John – yesterday evening, she’d first popped in to check on Rodney, and had then gone to the mess. Three people – two marines, one scientist – had come up to her while she was eating, and had asked to talk with her, so she’d led them all to the garden, had set the two marines to sitting quietly by the cascade where she’d had lunch with Evan, and had then taken the scientist – Dr Minsoti – to a more discrete area of the gardens and had listened as she cried out her grief at the loss of Dr Lambrun. They’d been dating for two months, and she was devastated that he’d been killed. Adi had gathered the emotional energy Dr Minsoti was shedding, and had used it to heal her aura, giving her the chance at healing her heart in time. When Dr Minsoti had finally quietened, she’d thanked Adi, giving her a hug of gratitude, and had headed back to the city.

Adi had taken a few minutes to put her own emotions back into order – Dr Lambrun had taught Adi to read and to write in English and she hadn’t realised he’d been one of those killed. In fact, Adi hadn’t checked the list of the dead at all, too busy with the living – or the almost living. With her emotions – if not balanced and calm, then at least under control – Adi had walked back out to the cascades and had asked one of the marines to join her.

Corporal Cachik had spoken with shaking horror about retrieving the dead, having to gather up the pieces of body that had been blown apart, trying to work out which hand belonged to which person. He’d cried in her arms, and Adi had let him, repairing his aura with grim determination – his aura was not a compatible colour for her – and eventually he had calmed, and Adi had left him with some supportive words about dignity for the fallen.

She’d then returned to the cascade and had sat down beside the remaining Corporal. Corporal Slatterly had been seeing Corporal Saunders, one of the marines who had very nearly died and that Adi had supported until he could be operated on. She was deeply grateful to Adi, very distressed at almost having lost him, despairing of his recovery, and wanting desperately to go back to Earth with him, but scared that he’d die and she’d be left alone there. She had no family on Earth, and felt very stable here in Atlantis with her fellow marines. Adi had listened, healed her aura, and eventually suggested that the Corporal speak with Colonel Sheppard, ask for his permission to accompany her beloved to Earth, but seek his assurance that he would welcome her back to Atlantis.

And then Adi had gone to her pier, gathered her bedding, set up the proximity alert, and had fallen asleep, winds whipping about her as the tail end of the bad weather worked itself out.

When she’d woken this morning, she’d felt calmer. She'd breakfasted, hugged all her regular friends for a little bit longer than usual, and had then gone to the infirmary. She’d met with Carson and had reviewed the list of injured, listening to the concerns he had about gate travel for them. Carson had said that four of the injured really couldn’t be moved until their condition improved, so they’d agreed on the most important things that needed stabilising in order for the transfer to take place. And then Carson had called for Ronon, Hendrix and De Sousa to come to the infirmary, Adi had removed her top and had gone to work. It had been uncomfortable and painful, but Carson had given her the anti-nausea injection before she’d even started this time, so at least she hadn’t vomited.

Once it was all done, Ronon had left to help with the clean-up in the South Tower, and Carson had sent Hendrix and De Sousa on their way. So Adi had walked very slowly across the infirmary and had climbed in with Matthew, snuggling up against him and closing her eyes. She knew Matthew was awake and watching out for danger for her. He was nearly healed enough to be released. Maybe another four or five days, Carson had said when she asked. She felt a bit bad at using his aura when he was injured, but not bad enough to not do it. She let herself go limp and just rested.

A while later she heard footsteps approaching and she knew it was John. She opened her eyes a crack as his voice said, “Corporal Smithers. How are you feeling now?”

“I’m doing well, Sir. Thanks for asking. Doc thinks another few days and he’ll let me leave the infirmary. I’ll still be needing to rest for a few more days after that, but then he said light duties might be possible.”

John smiled. “Good to hear.” He tilted his head down to Adi. “Adi, if you’re free now, I had some things I needed to discuss with you.”

Adi drew a deep breath, and slid out of the bed. She pulled on her top and turned to Matthew. Reaching over she cupped his cheek. “Thank you, Corporal, for letting me borrow your aura.”

“Anytime, Adi. I don’t mind at all.”

Adi smiled and followed John out of the infirmary, feeling a bit groggy. She was surprised when the transporter opened onto the living quarters, but trailed trustingly after John all the way down the hall, past both of their rooms, and out onto her forest balcony.

She gazed around in confusion when they reached their destination, and turned to John. “Why are we here?”

“You’re all drained again, Adi, and I… well I can spare you an hour, now, if you… if you want to borrow my aura.”

Adi smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you, John. I would very much like that.”

John sat on one of the deck chairs and drew Adi down into his lap. She squirmed back upright and pulled off her top, dropping her skirt away as well. “I would like your skin, John, if this would be acceptable?”

John immediately thought the balcony doors locked, then quickly stripped himself down to boxers and sat back down. Adi settled herself between his legs, leaning against his torso, and his arms came around her, resting across her stomach. She sighed, and relaxed softly into him. And then they sat there, just… being… with one another.

John dropped his head down against Adi’s hair, resting there, and thought grateful thoughts for having this… having her. He’d worried she wouldn’t want to sit with him after the mess he’d made in the last couple of days, but she’d shown no reticence about him, even going so far as to strip almost naked and request he do the same. And although it felt really embarrassing to think this, John really, really loved the feel of having Adi in his arms like this. No pressure of sex hanging over them, just, friendship, companionship, support… love, even. He winced internally a bit, but if he couldn’t be honest with himself, he was never going to manage being honest with Adi. He breathed in deeply, then slowly out again. “I love you,” he whispered, his arms tightening about Adi’s waist.

He felt her hand leave his arm where it had been resting, and then he felt it trailing down the side of his face, caressing him. “I love you too, John,” she said softly. “So very much. I had never thought to feel this way for someone. You have brought so much joy into my life.”

Her hand slid away and she relaxed into him a little more, and John felt happiness and contentment welling up in his heart. Right here, in this moment, with Adi snuggling trustingly in his arms, this was it. This was his life. A smile lit his face as he sat there. He could get used to this feeling.

Eventually, of course, John’s radio chirped and he had to go. Adi stood, languorously stretching, and John watched unashamedly as she stretched out in front of him, gloriously unselfconscious in her nudity. Then she started to dress, and he did the same, slipping away to duties that needed him.

When he’d dealt with everything he had to do, John made his way down to the Chemistry labs, hunting Dr Quinten. The two chemists who had been part of the lab exploration team had been killed in the explosion, which gave credence to Zelenka’s theory about chemicals being the cause. They would have been closest to the epicentre. He didn’t really want to have to shout at Dr Quinten today, the guy was probably mourning his colleagues, but then again, he’d been touching Adi in that security footage and that wasn’t okay.

He could see Dr Quinten bent over a microscope or something as he entered the lab, and he walked silently up to him, deploying all his stealth skills. When he was in position, he said one word. “Quinten.”

Dr Quinten leapt up, beyond startled, and raised his hand to his chest, his eyes wide, panting wildly. “Good Lord, Colonel! You nearly gave me a heart attack.” He was patting himself soothingly on the chest as he stared at John.

John stared back. “Dr Quinten, what were the rules I set down for you in regards to Adi?” His tone was unrealistically mild, but Dr Quinten could clearly hear the threat hidden beneath.

He sighed. “Major Lorne spoke to me about this on the night, Colonel. He actually manhandled me away from Adi when he realised I was there. And I’ll tell you what I told him.” He paused, and sat back down on his lab stool, dropping his hands to his lap. “I’ve obeyed your rules, Colonel, and I’ve stayed away. I don’t approach Adi in the mess, I don’t look for her, I’ve avoided movie night… but when Major Lorne put out a city-wide radio call for all available blue-greens to go to the infirmary, I went. I went because I know Adi. I may have lost her friendship and her respect, lost her completely through my own ill-considered actions, but I still understand her better than many others on this base do. Adi wants to save people, that’s who she is. She wants to help everyone that she comes into contact with. And she was in that infirmary, desperately trying to save three lives. And she needed energy to do that. So yes, I touched her. And no, I didn’t ask her first. Nor did I check with Major Lorne if I could have a hall-pass to let me do it.” He averted his gaze for a moment, his mouth twisting in distaste at the restrictions placed on his behaviour. Then he straightened and looked directly at John. “Did Adi ask you to come and speak with me? Is that why you’re here?”

“No. I recognised you on the security footage.”

Dr Quinten slowly nodded. “I see. Well… as I said to Major Lorne, I think, if asked, Adi would've preferred that I touched her and shared my energy, than that those people had died because I didn’t. She needed energy, I gave her that. And those people survived to be operated on. I’m not apologising for my actions, Colonel. I may have made a really stupid mistake, but I do consider myself to have generally good morals, and leaving my colleagues to die because I didn’t want to break your rules would've been unforgiveable in the circumstances.” He stopped and just breathed for a moment. “I left the moment she’d finished healing people, Colonel. Major Lorne made sure of that, but I would have done so anyway. She didn’t need me causing her any distress, not in the state she was in. And I haven’t seen her since. Nor do I expect to.”

John sighed. Dr Quinten’s reasoning actually made sense. If asked, Adi would most likely have agreed to Quinten touching her in that situation, because she’d needed the energy to save people. It didn’t mean he liked it, but he could see the sense in Quinten’s decision. And… he could hear the remorse in Quinten’s tone, and the sorrow when he’d said he’d lost her completely. It was all a bit too raw for John to be near today, with all the emotional shit he’d been living through the last couple of days. So he simply nodded. “Okay. I agree you did the right thing. But the crisis is over, so…”

Dr Quinten nodded sadly. “I know, and I’m back to obeying the rules.” He caught John’s eyes and held them. “I don’t wish to cause her any more pain, Colonel. I hope you can believe that.” He spun his stool around and lowered his head back over the microscope.

It was a clear dismissal, and John turned and left. He had a few details left to check on for the memorial service in the morning, so he headed back to the Control Tower.

When John suggested the suite to Adi that night, she shook her head. “I need to grow comfortable with you again, John. This has been a very difficult week, and I would like to just lie with you in friendship for several days at least, until my feelings are unruffled.”

Something must have shown on his face, because she reached out her hand to him. “I am not withdrawing from you, John. I am simply asking for some time to grow accustomed again, to feel the safety in your embrace.”

He nodded and stripped off his boots and socks, his BDU top and pants. But when he approached the bed, Adi was gazing at him in confusion. “John, are you intending to sleep in your t-shirt?”

He nodded jerkily. “I thought you… you said you…”

Adi slid out of the bed and wrapped herself around him. “I did not mean to hurt you, John, with my request to spend time here rather than in the suite. If you wish to go there, we can. But I will only be comfortable with sleeping, nothing more. Your actions were… unnerving, and although I am grateful to now understand the cause of your anguish, I am still feeling a little… unsettled.”

She loosened her hold on him and stepped back, and he pulled his t-shirt off, following her into the bed. She snuggled up against him just as she always had, without hesitation, and drifted off to sleep within a few minutes, her head resting gently over his heart.

John lay awake a lot longer, considering everything that had happened… everyone he’d hurt, everything he’d caused, with his overwhelming jealousy of Evan.

The memorial service for the three scientists and three marines went off without a hitch. John reflected that they were, unfortunately, very experienced in holding memorial services, and really, just the names of the dead and the faces covered with tears changed; the structure and format were always the same.

Part way through, he’d seen Adi moving quietly through the crowd of people. It’d looked like she was just seeking a better position from which to see the proceedings, but he’d noticed she’d ended up next to a marine that was not one of her blue-green friends, and then he’d realised she was surreptitiously holding his hand in the folds of her dress. The marine in question hadn’t looked upset at all to John, and it’d made him wonder what Adi had seen to cause her to do that. The gesture would have been hidden from all those about them. Only John, always conscious of Adi when she was in a room, would’ve noticed.

He read the committal and they opened the Gate to Earth, sending the bodies through on trolleys. The Daedalus would bring the trolleys back on their next swing.

Adi didn’t leave with the marine, but he did see her exchange a few words, and assumed she’d arranged to meet up with him. He turned away. That was Adi’s business, not his.

He went, instead, to a meeting with the explosive experts amongst the marines, wishing pointlessly that Cadman had still been here. She would’ve loved blowing up the rock in the way of the gate. But she was a sporadic visitor, sometimes posted to the SGC, sometimes appearing on the Daedalus. It didn’t matter. There were lots of other personnel with skills in blowing things up. He accompanied them to the planet that afternoon, Ronon in tow, and stood well back as they laid their charges and blew the rock to smithereens. It was oddly satisfying, and now there was nothing stopping them trying to access the Ancient facility hidden beneath the waves.

They had a planning meeting about it that afternoon. Rodney was completely cured of his alien infestation; Adi had done her job well, and there was no residual pain at all. He was full of enthusiasm, chomping at the bit, although a little wary about the possibility of the talon monsters having overrun the Ancient facility.

Teyla calmly pointed out that the creature they’d encountered had been living in the mud, and the babies had survived completely out of water in Rodney’s leg, and thus it was clear that the creature lived on the mud flats that were wet in winter and dry in summer. They would not be living in the deep waters of the lake. This perspective calmed Rodney’s concerns and they agreed to take a jumper there the following day.

And so John ate dinner with his team – being a little wary of Teyla who was still pissed off with him – and after dinner, he and Ronon went to run the Ninja course.

Adi had had an emotionally challenging day. The memorial service had been hard for her. It was not only Dr Lambrun that she had known, but also Dr Sapolli, one of the chemists, with whom Adi had often worked. She was blinking her eyes clear of tears, looking at the crowd rather than the coffins to give herself a moment to recover, when she’d seen a marine standing at parade rest, his expression calm and still, but his aura swirling in disarray. As quietly as she could, she’d wended her way towards him, trying her best not to be seen to be targeting him, and so had managed to come alongside him. His aura was a deep purple, and she was sure it wasn’t usually so dark. She had leaned into his personal space, bringing her arm into contact with his, and had felt the sorrow he was hiding. Slowly reaching her hand out to his, she had hidden their connection amongst the folds of her dress. And so she had stood beside him through the remainder of the service, concentrating only on this precious life beside her, using her energies to try and still the swirling emotions reflected in his aura. As the service concluded and the order came for everyone to be dismissed, she had spoken softly, “I will be in the garden for the next hour,” and then she’d left him there, walking away as if her placement in the crowd had meant nothing.

She had made her way directly to the garden, and fifteen minutes later, he had come to find her. His name was Jim, and, at a previous posting, he had been… friends… with one of the dead marines. He didn’t tell her which of the three dead men had been his friend, and it didn’t matter to Adi. Jim was feeling the sorrow of this loss, and she drew him out to talk of his friend and the happy times they’d spent together at their previous posting. Jim told her they hadn’t been… close… on Atlantis. There was nowhere they could go to… talk, and so he’d only seen his old friend across the mess sometimes, or at PT. Adi had spoken words of support and comfort, and Jim had left her there an hour and a half later, his aura a beautiful blend of purples and indigos, much lighter in hue then when she’d first seen him in the gate room, standing in the crowd.

Once he’d gone, she’d stood and looked around, seeing no-one near. The gardens weren’t officially open yet – a few more days and the month would have passed that David had said the ground cover needed, so Adi had not feared others would come here. She’d stripped off and laid down in the pool at the bottom of the cascade, letting the water run gently over her skin, the fish nibbling on her toes as she rested there, bringing her energies back into balance after touching Jim’s aura.

Eventually she’d dried off and re-dressed, then gone back to the world. A quick stop in the mess for a very late lunch, then a visit to the infirmary to check if she was needed, before finding Dr Cole in her quarters and sitting with her for an hour as she grieved the loss of Zane. Dr Cole was no longer sedated as she had been in the immediate aftermath of the explosion. She’d done everything that was needed of her that night, but when the final surgery had been completed and Doctors Beckett and Biro had returned to the main infirmary, Dr Cole had had a very bad breakdown, falling to the floor, lying weeping and screaming out her loss. All those hours and hours of high tension, saving lives, knowing her own beloved was lost to her forever, unable to grieve for him as her skills were needed to save others… Carson had done what needed to be done to care for her in that moment. But now she was being given the time to grieve, and it was going to be a long process.

Adi left her there, curled up in her bed, eyes closing as sleep claimed her, and went out to her forest balcony, sitting there for a good couple of hours, whittling an impilli from a piece of wood she’d brought from Capeliga. It was calming and restful and by the time she had finished it, it was time to have a quick dinner and then head to the Stitch ‘n’ Bitch. Adi had missed the last one, and she was feeling that an evening of gentle companionship with her new community would be very welcome at this point.

She ate quickly, realising she was running late, and then gathered her stitchery, and her impilli, and made her way to the room set aside for this gathering. She wasn’t the last to arrive which pleased her, and she was welcomed by everyone which made her feel warm and wanted. They oohed and aahed over her carving, admiring her skill, and she settled down to work on her needlework, listening to the conversation as it swirled around her.

There were a couple of faces she didn’t really recognise, but most people had been here the last time. The conversation was naturally a bit subdued at first, the loss of life, the memorial service that morning having a dampening effect. But then one of the marines – the one who had been so negative about Colonel Sheppard the last time – said, “Alright, enough with the doom and gloom. Let’s do gossip instead.” She turned to Adi. “So, Adi, what’s Major Lorne like in bed?”

Adi froze, staring at her blankly.

“Oh, come on, don’t hold back on us,” she said, her tone cajoling. “I was on Capeliga the night you two stayed. We had your bedding all laid out in the cabin with us. Why else would you have gone off alone to your own cottage? And I’ve seen the hugs you give him in the mess… steaming!” She fanned herself theatrically.

Adi’s whole body was tensing from top to toe. “Stop,” she said, her voice wavering. “Major Lorne was helping me… keeping me safe. Nothing more.”

“I don’t believe that for a moment! You’ve obviously moved on from Colonel Sheppard. So, tell us. What’s the handsome Major like in bed? Is he the strong, silent type? Is he a good kisser? I bet he’s really considerate of a woman’s needs.”

“Please stop,” Adi cried. Her expression was distressed and her breathing was speeding up, clearly signalling her discomfort with the questions and remarks being directed at her. “Nothing has happened between us.”

“Seriously? You expect us to believe that? Come on! You can’t honestly be saying that you’ve never had sex with him?” Her tone was incredulous, her expression disdainful.

“It is the truth,” Adi replied, her body poker stiff.

“I call bullshit. This is a safe place to talk about this stuff, Adi, and we’re not letting you go until you spill the beans. The good Major’s really hot, and you had him all to yourself for the whole night on Capeliga. Did you lick him? Those broad shoulders and strong chest. I would’ve. And sucked him. Did he hold you down and—”

There was a loud thud as Adi’s chair fell over backwards from the force of her sudden movement. She stood, her hands clenched at her sides, her voice shaky. “The-the marines… they, they all smelled… of sweat. They… they smelled like the… the Bola Kai who… pack-raped me multiple times… Major Lorne knew that. He-he came aside with me… away from you all… to keep me safe. To enable me to sleep… in safety.”

All eyes in the room were glued to her, and it was too much. Adi turned and fled.

Up ahead, she saw Colonel Sheppard and Ronon turn into the hallway, coming towards her and she ran straight into Ronon’s arms, shaking, tears running down her face. She heard him pull his pistol with one arm, the other wrapped tightly around her, and she burrowed in closer.

“Adi, what’s wrong?” John asked, but she couldn’t answer.

Behind her she heard someone approaching, but she heard John moving, cutting off access to her, protecting her back, and then Katie Brown’s gentle voice spoke.

“Oh, Adi, I’m so sorry she asked you that, said all of that. It was really unkind of her to push you so much. Are you okay? Please don’t be too upset.”

Adi took a shaky breath and pulled back from Ronon’s embrace. She turned around. “I am not okay. The memories are not kind. I will not be returning tonight. Katie, could you please see that my stitchery is placed somewhere safe?”

Katie nodded sympathetically, and Adi turned and walked quickly away, disappearing around the corner. Ronon looked Katie up and down as if assessing her threat level, then followed Adi.

John watched him go then turned back to Katie. “What happened, Doc?” His voice was deceptively mild.

“Oh, Colonel,” Katie said, her tone distressed. “There’s a new Corporal who’s only been a couple of times, and she was asking Adi about… well, about… She asked what Major Lorne was like in bed. And she was very… open in her comments about… Well, anyway, it upset Adi, and she told us that she’d been pack-raped. I didn’t know that, Colonel. Poor Adi. I knew something must have happened for her to be so jumpy around people, and always so aware of who’s near. But I didn’t realise it was so bad as all that. And she was very upset that the Corporal assumed she’d had sex with the Major, when he’d obviously just been keeping her safe. She said that the marines were all sweaty and smelt like the… Bokka something. Anyway, it was all very uncomfortable, and I really wish that the Corporal hadn’t come.”

Katie’s sweet face was all crumpled with distress. “This is meant to be a friendly gathering, you know, where everyone gets along, we chat and we have some fun, and no-one gets hurt.” Her shoulders slumped.

“What’s the Corporal’s name?” John asked, keeping his voice even with an effort.

“Corporal Bosman,” Katie said, shaking her head in distress. “This is only her second time.”

John nodded and started walking towards the room up ahead where he could hear a hubbub of female voices. He walked through the doorway and the talking slowly came to a stop as all eyes turned to him. He looked around, and his eyes focused on the marine who looked less familiar. There were only three in the room, and two of them had been in the city for months. This one was new. “Corporal Bosman,” he said, and the steel beneath his tone was clearly audible.

The Corporal stood immediately and came to attention. “Yes, Sir.”

“Would you care to repeat the comments you made about Major Lorne? I believe you were interested in his sexual prowess.”

Bosman flushed, but kept her eyes front, her body rigidly at attention. “I would prefer not to, Sir.”

There was silence in the room, while John thought what to do, all eyes locked on him. He knew most of the women in here by sight, some through closer association. Miko was here, and Marie from the infirmary, as well as a few of the scientists that he’d seen with Rodney.

He turned his attention back to Bosman. “I believe you’ll be better suited to a posting on Earth, Corporal. Report to the mess in the morning. You’ll be on KP duty until the Daedalus arrives to take you home.”

Bosman’s face fell. “Oh, Sir. Please. I’m very sorry. I’ll apologise to Adi. I didn’t understand.”

John’s expression turned to steel. “You didn’t need to understand.” His voice was whip sharp. “The sole reason the marines are in Atlantis is to protect the civilians. Adi is a civilian. Did you protect her, here, tonight?”

Bosman’s eyes dropped to the floor as she shook her head in shame.

“Adi doesn’t speak easily of her past, and yet your comments to her were so distressing that she told you she’d been pack-raped. I doubt very much that she said that without having shown any visible signs of distress in the lead up to that comment. So you failed. You failed in your one duty which was to protect her.”

He shifted his eyes away from the Corporal, eyeing the other two marines in the room, then brought them back to her. “All three of you are ordered to keep that information silent.”

“Yes, Sir,” they responded as one.

“You have your orders, Corporal. I don’t want to have to deal with any further problems from you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“You’re dismissed.”

Bosman saluted him and fled.

John turned to the rest of the room, sighing as he faced them. He leaned back against the table behind him. “Look, most of you are aware Adi’s a really valuable asset to Atlantis, but she’s had a… difficult past. The Command Staff are aware of her value, and her specific challenges and needs, and we go out of our way to make sure she feels safe at all times, which is what happened when Major Lorne found himself unexpectedly trapped on Capeliga with her. Adi’s shared some very personal information with you this evening. I don’t want that information circulating through the city. It’s not going to make Adi feel safer, to find out that every man on this base is aware she was the victim of multiple sexual assaults.” He sighed again, looking at the floor for a moment before lifting his head. “I’ve ordered the marines to keep quiet, but I know I can’t do that with you.” He met a gaze here, a gaze there. “So I’m just going to ask. It won’t help her for you to talk about this. It’ll only damage her, make things harder for her.”

He nodded to Katie Brown and then turned and left the room.

He jogged through the corridors, anger simmering in his veins. It seemed there was nothing he could do to actually keep Adi safe. Everywhere she turned, some shit tripped her up.

He knew he needed a shower before he went to find her. He’d sweated a lot on the Ninja course, and he didn’t want her having any flashbacks if she smelt the sweat on him. Luckily Ronon was so fit he barely sweated on the course, ever. He reached his quarters and barrelled through his shower at top speed, drying off and dragging on fresh BDUs. Then he tapped his radio. “Ronon? Where is she?”

“In her quarters.”

John tapped his radio off and walked the two doors up the corridor, opening the door with his mind and stepping inside. Ronon was in the bed with her, Adi curled up in his arms, and John hunkered down beside the bed. “Hey, Adi, it’s just me.”

She shifted and rolled towards him, putting her back to Ronon, who slid out of the bed and pulled his top back on.

“You need me anymore?” he asked.

Adi shook her head. “Thank you, Ronon,” she said softly.

He shrugged and smiled and left, all in the same breath, and John reached out a hand and gently squeezed Adi’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

Adi shook her head. “No. She was not a nice person, John. She did not abide by the rules of your society. She asked… oh, very inappropriate questions of me, and made assumptions about… about…” Tears welled up and slid down her face. “Major Lorne did not deserve her comments. He did nothing but keep me safe.”

“I know,” John said. “I know that, Adi.” He shifted a little, his position uncomfortable. “I’ve ordered her to report to the mess for the rest of her stay here, and then she’ll be going back to Earth when the Daedalus arrives.”

Adi huffed out a very wet laugh. “She’ll probably poison me, John.”

John smiled. “No, she won’t. She’ll be peeling potatoes and washing dishes and butchering animals. I’ll get Lorne to bring a couple of impilli when he comes home, and she can have the ‘pleasure’ of cutting them into steaks and chops and roasts and all sorts.” He looked at Adi, all curled up in a ball facing him, her face wet, her expression woebegone. “You’ve had a shit week, Adi. What do you need? What can I do?”

“The memories of the Bola Kai are very strong tonight, John. She asked me if Major Lorne had held me down…” She shuddered, tears trickling down her cheeks. “I can feel their hands, their stinking bodies, their… their… thrusting…” Her face crumpled. “I do not wish to be alone. I do not wish to feel trapped.” She let out a strangled sob. “Will you sleep with me on the pier, John?”

“Yeah, sure. Of course.” He thought for a moment. “Will you be okay alone here for twenty minutes while I do my final rounds? I can radio Ronon to come back if you want.”

Adi shook her head. “I will take a shower while you are gone. The water will calm me, and I… I feel unclean. I can feel the dirt and the filth on me, and their… their cum drying on my skin, in my mouth…” The tears came thick and fast then, and John stood up and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Adi onto his lap and cradling her carefully – enough to feel safe, not so much that she felt trapped.

Eventually she quietened, and she slid from his lap. “Go now, John. I will shower.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, not certain that he should leave her.

She nodded. “Please. I wish to wash myself… very well. Everywhere.”

“Right, okay,” he said, understanding what she was saying. “I’ll be about twenty minutes.”

He slipped out of her room and headed for the Control Room, tapping his radio as he went. He’d forgotten earlier to inform Sergeant Stackhouse of the change in Corporal Bosman’s status. He did that as he went, and the Sergeant sounded pretty pissed off. ‘Good,’ John thought savagely, ‘hopefully he’ll ride her ass until the Daedalus takes her away.’

He sped through his nightly rounds as quickly as he could, brushing Rodney off when he tried to get him to stay and play with the Ancient tech. Then he was back at Adi’s room, thinking the door open. She was sitting on the bed, dressed in comfy clothes and looking very forlorn. “It’s just me, Adi.”

She nodded and smiled tremulously at him. “Are you done, John? Have you finished all your duties?”

“Yeah, come on.”

And so they made their way to the pier, gathering Adi’s blankets and pillows on the way, and settled in, and eventually the feeling of John’s arms wrapped around her, holding her safe, and the sounds of the ocean, soothed Adi to sleep.

Chapter Text

Adi was still unsettled when she woke the next morning. John could see it in her, could feel the tension thrumming through her body, and his anger at Corporal Bosman started to rise again. What the hell had possessed her to ask about the sex life of a superior officer, anyway? And in such a public forum?

He shook his head, radioed Ronon to say he wasn’t running today, and stayed, lying with Adi in her nest of blankets, as the sun rose. There was more cloud cover today than any previous time he’d slept out here, but it was still very peaceful to watch the first tendrils of light hitting the city, shimmering off the windows. He felt Adi breathing gently in his arms and tightened his arms about her a little, wanting desperately to keep her safe from everything. But he couldn’t.

He had a mission this afternoon. He was taking his team back to the planet with the talon monster, hoping to locate the Ancient facility at the bottom of the lake. He toyed with the idea of taking Adi with him, but eventually decided against it. He was worried about her, and if that worry distracted him at a vital moment, it could prove fatal – for himself, for Adi, for one of his team…

They eventually packed up the bedding and made their way back to the city, ready to start the day. Adi didn’t participate in the morning hug-in in the mess, declining the first offer she received, and keeping her back firmly to the wall, and everyone kept their distance from her after that, sending her smiles but nothing more. She took her breakfast and left the mess, and John didn’t see her again.

He went down to the infirmary for his pre-mission check-up, and Carson gave him a quick update on his other patients, including Smithers, who was still tied to the infirmary for a few more days. Of course, the nine critically injured personnel had all been sent through to the SGC yesterday afternoon, so there wasn’t nearly as much going on in the infirmary today.

From there, John went into a meeting with the heads of each Science discipline, listening to the city exploration and off-world projects they wanted to undertake, working out which would be viable with the military resources they had to hand. Really, John was just there to grunt occasionally in approval, or to quash an idea that was going to get them all killed. Elizabeth was listening avidly to the proposals, and Rodney was being derogatory and scathing. That’s why they held these meetings, so that the scientists under Rodney’s command had the chance to be heard, rather than just being shot down. John only supported the missions Rodney was in favour of though, having learned from long experience that Rodney had a keen eye for what was worthwhile and well thought through, and what wasn’t.

So, as he didn’t need his full attention on the meeting, he sat in his chair and thought about Adi and her support network. He was taking himself and Ronon off-world in an hour or so. Lorne was on Capeliga. Smithers was stuck in the infirmary. There were other blue-greens that Adi was friendly with – Radek, Miko, Stackhouse, even Hendrix seemed to be becoming a favourite. But John didn’t feel completely comfortable leaving her here, in distress, with only her second-tier people available to support her. He sighed as he realised that he’d feel much better about his mission if Lorne was in the city. He trusted Lorne to watch out for Adi, to understand her needs, to support her however she needed it…

He rolled his eyes at the direction his thoughts had gone, and the scientist currently speaking decided the disrespect was directed at him, and started to verbally attack John, commenting about the lack of intelligence amongst military personnel, and their inability to comprehend the importance of such research.

Rodney leapt on top of that comment, delivering a blistering set down that included John’s Mensa scores, mathematical genius, and general all-round common sense that apparently set him way above the unfortunate scientist that had dared to criticise him.

It took Dr Weir a full five minutes to calm the situation down, at which point, she turned to John and asked him to explain where his concerns lay. John flushed, and ran his hand over the back of his head. “Um, I was, um, actually a little distracted, and, um, I was thinking of something else.”

Rodney laughed at that, likened his concentration span to that of a two-year old and the meeting progressed.

Eventually it was over, and John grabbed some lunch, made sure to load the last of the supplies in the jumper, and was just about to go and find Adi to check on her before he left, when Stackhouse radioed him with a problem.

He sighed, and went down to the marine barracks. Corporal Bosman had been making waves, complaining bitterly that the alien had all of the command staff wrapped around her fingers, and she was losing her chance at staying in Atlantis because of it. Some of the other marines had taken offence at her comments, and a fight had broken out.

John was not generally a very stern CO, but he was rightly pissed at Bosman. He let her know exactly what he thought of her behaviour, and gave her a detailed listing of every Lantean life Adi had saved versus her own non-existent contribution to the expedition. Then he had her thrown in the Brig, took a deep, calming breath, and gave a much less caustic lecture to the marines who had chosen to defend Adi’s honour with their fists, instead of reporting the matter to their superior officers. At the end he looked them over. “That was the official standpoint on violence towards others, and I hope you all listened to it. And now, off the record, thanks for standing up for Adi. She needs all the support she can get.”

Then he turned and left, signalling for Stackhouse to walk with him. He was late for his mission, and whilst they could hardly leave without him, they’d planned to be on the planet at daybreak to give them the longest window of opportunity possible for this exploration.

“How long do you want Corporal Bosman to stay in the Brig, Sir?” Stackhouse asked.

“She can stay there ‘til I get back and decide what to do with her. The Daedalus is only two or three weeks away…” He huffed out a frustrated breath. “Leave her there ‘til I tell you otherwise.” He suddenly stopped and Stackhouse stopped too, looking at him questioningly. “Look,” John said, “I don’t know what mess Bosman’s created with all that ruckus, or what shit she’s said about Adi that might rear its head elsewhere and cause problems.” He ran his hand over the back of his neck, eyes down. “I’m almost tempted to cancel this mission, but McKay’ll chew my ass if I do.” He sighed. “If the shit hits the fan, recall Major Lorne from Capeliga.”

“Yes, Sir.”

John met Stackhouse’s eyes and saw nothing there but concern and acceptance, but still… “I’m not saying that because I think you can’t handle whatever happens, Sergeant… I know you can handle it. It’s just… I’m taking Ronon with me, Major Lorne’s off-world and Smithers’ is in the infirmary and…”

Stackhouse cleared his throat. “I’m very fond of Adi, Sir, and I hope it’s not stepping out of line to say that I keep an eye on her. I realise she has first-line support people, and you’ve just told me that none of them will be available. Her second-line of support are here – that’s myself, Dr Zelenka, Dr Kusangi and Corporal Hendrix – but if she’s really distressed, none of us are going to be enough. I promise I’ll recall Major Lorne without hesitation if I think Adi needs the strength of his support, Sir.”

John nodded. “Good enough. Thanks Sergeant.” He took a couple of steps forward, then swivelled. “Stackhouse? You’re not out of line. Keep watching her. She needs a lot of people keeping an eye out for her.” He suddenly frowned, tapped his radio and started jogging towards the Jumper Bay, Rodney’s voice snarking in his ear, asking where the hell he was.

John flew the jumper through the event horizon to M7Y-138 and immediately circled around, coming in to land near the DHD. The ramp lowered and Rodney hurried out, checking for a Genii ATA device. It was unlikely they’d been and attached one in the last day, but Rodney – and John – were strongly of the opinion ‘better safe than dead’.

Rodney re-boarded the jumper with a swift shake of his head. “All clear. Let’s go, Sheppard. What’s the hold up?” He sat down again and gazed at the HUD where John had pin-pointed the faint energy signature Rodney had tracked the last time they’d been here. They flew across the plain that had taken them more than three hours to cross on foot, then tipped over the edge of the valley, swooping down from the top of the cliff to the valley floor in one swift move.

Rodney rolled his eyes, but almost immediately started to look at the terrain beneath them, seeing the marshes starting at the end of the rolling hillocks. “Slow down a bit, Colonel. Biology requested that we try to estimate the colony size of the talon monsters, get a feel for their habitat, or some such nonsense.”

John looked a bit unsettled at that idea, but did slow down, bringing the jumper closer to the mudflats below. He thought of a scan for small life signs, and the HUD obligingly brought up a map of the ground directly beneath them, scrolling as they flew along, but there were no life sign dots showing at all. John had pictured the talon monster in his mind when making the request, but he wasn’t certain the jumper had understood. He tried again, thinking as clear a picture as he could, and widening the scan area. At the top of the screen a single dot appeared, and as they moved closer, it moved down the screen and another dot, over to one side appeared.

Rodney was just complaining about his ill luck in finding the one talon monster in a one kilometre radius, when dots started appearing all over the top of the screen. John brought the jumper to a standstill, hovering four or five metres above the muddy waters – they were close to the lake now – and they all stared at the dots on the screen.

Then Rodney shook himself and started tapping away at his laptop. “The water here’s roughly four inches deep,” he said, his voice horrified.

“Just over ankle height,” John responded, equally appalled.

Ronon stood and moved to stand between John and Rodney, looking closely at the HUD then comparing it with the terrain below them. “So, if we’d walked another few steps…?”

“We would all have been attacked by multiple talon monsters,” Rodney said. “Yes. Horrifying as that is to contemplate, it is pure luck that we stopped where we did.” He shuddered.

Teyla had stood too and moved forward. “They are thickly clustered in a very narrow band.”

“Yes, they are,” Rodney responded, “except for the occasional outlier.” He pointed here and there to a red dot that was a few metres from the main pack. “This is where the little bugger that got me was. He was a renegade.”

John started the jumper moving again, asking the HUD to track the energy signature now instead of talon monsters, as they crossed from the mudflats to the fresh water of the lake. He sighed. “You know, Ford would have named this place ‘Talon Monster Planet.’

“Indeed, he would,” Teyla agreed, her tone wistful.

They were coasting over the surface of the lake when something the size of a dolphin leapt out of the water in front of them. It looked nothing like a dolphin of course, it had a very narrow, untapered head and a weirdly bulging body with a stumpy tail, but in terms of cool alien species, it certainly pinged the radar.

The energy signature grew closer and closer as they crossed the lake, and eventually they were hovering right over it. There was nothing showing on the surface at all, so John took a deep breath and said, “Please hold onto your seatbelts – and your lunch – we are going in.” He angled the jumper down into the water and aimed directly for the energy signature. They descended through nearly a thousand feet of water before they saw it. A small dome, settled on a cliff edge, with a long drop off below it.

“Wow,” Rodney said, gazing at his laptop. “That’s like the Mariana Trench. Goes down forever.”

“Lucky for us they had to build their secret depot at a depth the jumpers could handle then,” John said, and levelled off, approaching the dome. He hovered thirty metres or so back, while Rodney checked various things.

“The shield’s like the one in Atlantis. We should be able to fly straight through.”

“Should? Not a fan of ‘should’, Rodney.”

“All right, then ‘can’, definitely can. It has the same harmonics as the Atlantis shield.”

John eyed him uncomfortably, but just then a huge mammal swam by, between them and the dome. It was like a hippo gone wrong. It had an enormous body, a stubby trunk and a horn on its head like a narwhal, with four short legs and two sets of flippers. Everyone stared in silence as it slid past them swivelled and came back to look at them. It was twice the size of the jumper.

“Um, we should go now… go now,” Rodney said, his voice tight.

John nodded. “Yeah, okay,” and he thought the jumper straight up, then forward over the top of the dome, and descended, really quickly. The not-hippo had managed to get in front of them, being far speedier and more athletic than its shape would suggest, and it was coming straight at the jumper’s view screen as they slid down through the shield and disappeared.

Rodney was looking totally freaked out, and John spared a moment to reach out a hand and pat him on the shoulder. “All good, buddy. We’re safe. It can’t get in.”

Rodney nodded, looking quite pale. But then he looked around and started to crow. “We’ve found it. We’re here.”

Laid out below them was a squat building. A hatch was opening for them, the automatic landing protocol having obviously kicked in. The jumper came to rest in a Jumper Bay, remarkably similar to the one on Atlantis, just much, much smaller.

“Run scans, Rodney,” John said, and Rodney, his head buried in his laptop, snarked, “What the hell do you think I’m doing?”

John asked the HUD to display the layout, and was pleased to see that the facility was built down into the ocean floor, so it was bigger than it had appeared, with three levels showing on the screen.

“No life signs apart from us, breathable atmosphere, only ten degrees though.”

“Chilly,” John said, and stood up. “All right, let’s go explore.”

He pulled on one of the netting hold-alls, and extracted some jackets and Ronon’s long leather coat, handing them around. Once everyone was dressed and had their tac vests back on, John thought the hatch open and they descended into the Ancient Facility.

There was one other jumper sitting in the Bay – it was only big enough to hold three jumpers in total – and John’s eyes lit up at the prospect of taking a new jumper back to Atlantis with them.

Rodney grinned at his enthusiastic expression. “Yes, yes, I can check it out later. But we need to find the ZedPM first and see how much charge is left in it. If it fails while we’re here, a million tons of water are going to suddenly swamp this facility and I’ve already drowned once in Atlantis in an alternate timeline, and almost drowned in a jumper in this timeline. I’m not that keen on trying it a third time.”

“Right,” John said, nodding. “Find the ZPM. Got it. Let’s go.”

Rodney was tracking the energy signature and, following his directions, they climbed down the stairs to the next level, and then down again. There were transporters available, but Rodney had shaken his head, not wanting to waste the power until he knew they weren’t all about to die.

They found the ZPM room, looking almost identical to the one in Atlantis, behind the last door on the third level. Rodney immediately crossed the room, plugged his laptop in and started reading the data that scrolled across the screen. “There are two ZedPMs here, one’s completely depleted, the other has a small amount left in it.” He unplugged his laptop with sharp, jerky movements.

“How small an amount?” John asked. Ronon was restlessly roaming the room, Teyla standing by the door ready to run if it was necessary.

“I can’t give you a timeframe, if that’s what you’re asking,” Rodney snarked. “There’s a very small amount of energy left.”

“Very small? You said small, not very small.”

Rodney huffed out a very frustrated sigh. “Enough for a few hours of exploration and then to power the shield for another week, until we can bring a ZedPM back to replace the dead one. Happy now?”

“Okay, then. That sounds good,” John said, nodding as he grinned. "Are we taking the dead one with us now?”

Rodney shook his head. "I’d rather not disturb anything right now. We can bring a full one back with us and swap it out then, rather than leaving an empty slot here. We’re not entirely certain whether there’s an extra drain from having the slot empty, or not. Better to be safe, since we have the option.”

John nodded and they set out to explore. He considered splitting up, to make them quicker, but McKay had said a few hours was fine, and it wasn’t that big a facility. They should be able to cover it all in the time Rodney had given them. So, they stuck together and began with the other doors on the third level.

The first door they opened was a storeroom, and as the lights came on, the shelves glittered and glinted, and Rodney gasped, before launching into an excited flood of words at the sight of so many, so very many, crystals. All shapes and sizes and different colours – it was clearly the resupply depot for any and every crystal used by the Ancients. Rodney was in alt. He was running his hands along the fronts of the shelves, selecting a crystal here, a crystal there, and stowing them in his tac vest when John stopped him. “Rodney, remember the ZPM might run out. We can box all of these later, next time we come, and take them all back to Atlantis. Let’s use our time to see what else we’ve got here.”

“Right. Right.” Rodney said, reaching for one last crystal and carefully sliding it into his vest, before turning to follow the team out of the room.

There were two more rooms on this level – the first was clearly set up to craft the green personal energy shields, but had no resources available to do it, and John was disappointed. The personal shields were cool. But maybe they’d be able to work out what was needed and find the resources somewhere else.

The last door on this level led to a workshop for creating the hand-held Life Sign Detectors that were fitted to every jumper. There were plenty of resources in this one, and John’s eyes lit up as he glanced around, realising they’d be able to produce more, maybe send some to the SGC for their teams. And then Ronon, restlessly opening cupboards and drawers to entertain himself, found a cupboard with six of the devices just sitting there, clearly waiting to be issued. John and Teyla slid four of them into pockets on their tac vests, and John stowed the last two in the side pocket on his BDU pants.

They climbed back up the staircase to the second level, and here they found a jumper repair workshop with a lot of supplies set up for fixing damage. Rodney’s eyes nearly popped out of his head, and Ronon had to physically restrain him to prevent him from trying to grab everything all at once.

“We’ll just bring the jumpers here, McKay,” John said. “You and Radek can come and work on them here.”

Rodney gulped, remembering Flipper, the not-hippo, circling around outside, but he reluctantly agreed.

“Hey, at least we’ve got supplies now. You can repair Jumper Six, and with that jumper in the bay up there,” John flung his head up to point, “that’ll increase our functional fleet by two.”

The jumper repair workshop took up the whole of level two, so they climbed back up to the Jumper Bay level, and found living quarters, and a kitchen and rec room, similar to those in the underground ZPM and drone factory John and Lorne had explored.

John glanced at his watch. They’d been in the facility for well over two hours, and it’d taken them over an hour to get here from the gate, what with stopping to check out the talon monster colony. “McKay, do you need to download data today? Or are we done?”

Rodney looked undecided, then he glanced up, as if imagining all that water sitting just outside the shield. “I’d rather wait until we bring the full ZedPM in to power the facility. I'll have a science team with me then, and they can download all the data.”

John agreed. It wasn’t worth the risk today, not when they could just recharge the ZPM from the kid’s planet and install it, making it safe to explore the facility. He glanced over at the resident jumper, wondering if he should fly it back to Atlantis today, while Rodney flew the one they’d brought here.

“Don’t even think about it, Colonel,” Rodney said, his voice sharp. “It needs a thorough overhaul to check that everything’s working. I’ll bring Zelenka and he can check it out. He’s pretty good with the jumpers.”

John looked at him in surprise. Rodney rarely said nice things about Radek.

“What?” Rodney snarked. “It just means he’s a glorified mechanic.”

John smirked. Yeah, that sounded more like McKay. He gestured to their own jumper, and they all boarded. John brought the engines online, thought the rooftop hatch open and lifted the jumper up into the space above the facility.

A dark shadow passed over the top of the shield and Rodney jumped. “Flipper’s still out there, Colonel.”

“Flipper? Who said you could name him?”

“I named Sam. I get to name Flipper. It’s the right of those of us who almost drowned at the bottom of the ocean to name marine life,” Rodney responded belligerently. “And it’s a perfectly decent name for him.”

John shook his head, but let it go. “Right, well, not wanting Flipper to eat us, I think I’m going to try and shoot straight up as quickly as I can, and hope he really likes staying at this depth.” He brought up the life signs scan on the HUD and it showed a few more dots, the same size as Flipper, and John grimaced.

Then he thought the jumper up and out of the shield, racing through the water at the jumper’s best speed, spearing for the surface. The HUD showed Flipper’s dot following them for a couple of hundred feet, then the pursuit stopped, as the not-hippo clearly reached the limit of his natural environment.

“I wonder if these creatures existed when the Ancients were using this facility,” Teyla said calmly, as if they hadn’t just been almost eaten by a not-hippo.

“Maybe there’ll be something on them in the database, when McKay downloads everything.”

“Weird creature,” Ronon said, and Rodney nodded vigorously.

“And the talon monsters too. It’s like the Land That Time Forgot,” he said.

John laughed. He’d seen that movie too. “They’re not dinosaurs, McKay. Just… weird evolutions of animals.” The jumper broke the surface of the water and John levelled them out.

He headed the jumper back towards the gate, then checked the time. It was only midday here, but if they flew straight back now, they’d be home around 1800hrs Atlantis time, perfect for an early dinner.

Then Teyla spoke. “Colonel, if we have the time, it might be interesting to see what else is on this planet. Are we able to fly across the surface and explore? It would be good to know if there are any other threats our teams might face, bringing jumpers here.”

“Oh, do you mean pterodactyls and pteranodons and so forth?” Rodney asked, his eyes wide, bending to look up at the sky.

“I am uncertain what those are, but as there is plenty of daylight left here it seems reasonable to scout the area a little more thoroughly. We have found two creatures already that pose a threat. And although the Ancient database suggested the planet was uninhabited, anything may have happened in the ten thousand years since the Ancients left this galaxy. The rock guarding the Stargate cannot have been there in the Ancestor’s time, or they could not have brought jumpers through the gate.”

John nodded and angled the jumper off to the side.

“I’m not getting out of the jumper to go exploring with you, Sheppard,” Rodney said. “I’ve already been attacked by an alien monster that wanted to use my body as a breeding facility, not to mention almost ending up as lunch for the weirdest hippo-narwhal hybrid I’ve ever seen.”

“You wouldn’t even’ve been a snack for that thing, McKay,” Ronon said.

Rodney glared at him, and John stepped in to smooth troubled waters. “We can just do a fly-over with the HUD up, looking for humans and big animals.”

“Oh, well, yes, okay then. But it’s meatloaf night, so I don’t want to be late and miss out.”

John rolled his eyes. “I promise I’ll make them cook more, just for you, if you miss out.”

“Well, thank you. So you should,” Rodney said, feeling appeased. He opened his laptop and started checking things out.

John brought up the HUD and asked it to scan for lifeforms larger than a sheep. There wasn’t much showing here – they were angling across the mudflats, but within ten minutes, the terrain beneath them turned into a prairie and there were a few scattered dots appearing. Dropping down close, they could see some sort of great cat in front of them. It snarled and then turned tail and ran and John lifted the jumper up again.

“We had a similar animal on Athos, but it lived in the mountains and would make a very loud sound to express its dominance over all,” Teyla said.

“Yeah, we’ve got lions too, in Africa, and other big cats – tigers, cheetahs, pumas…” John was watching the ground beneath him which was becoming foothills, and then a steep cliff appeared and he lifted the jumper up and over. Clearly the cliff down which they’d climbed swung all the way around the valley. On the other side, there was a forest, with lots of scattered dots, but it was too thickly wooded for them to see anything. And then they were crossing another prairie and a huge cluster of dots showed up. John slowed and brought the jumper down to hover a few metres above the ground, just to the side of the herd. He’d thought to cloak the jumper this time, so they didn’t actually cause a stampede.

“Weird,” Ronon said.

John agreed completely. All four of them leaned forward, gazing out the window at the herd of animals that were something like a cross between a giraffe and a camel and a panther. They had sleek bodies, low to the ground with well-muscled back legs, but their bodies were sort of elongated with a hump, and then they had very long, thin necks with curled horns on top. They were covered in black fur everywhere, except for a ring of white around their necks which varied in width and placement.

“Land Before Time,” Rodney said again, softly, as if not wanting to disturb the beasts.

“Wonder what they’d taste like?” Ronon said.

“Hmm,” John said speculatively, but Rodney rounded on him.

“You can’t seriously be contemplating killing one to see? We have no idea if they’re edible, or poisonous to humans or full of weird alien babies! Not to mention the size. How would you even get one into the jumper?”

Ronon pulled a wicked looking blade from behind his shoulders. “Cut it up,” he said, perfectly matter of fact.

Rodney was making gagging noises, but Teyla spoke over the top of him. “I have never seen a creature such as this; however, the body certainly appears to have sufficient meat on it to make the effort worthwhile. Even the neck looks as if it would make for good eating.”

“And think of the extra access to meat. The more we can find for ourselves, the less we need to rely on off-world trade.”

Rodney stopped gagging and sighed. “Right. Well. It needs to be thoroughly examined by the biologists and probably the chemists as well, to make sure it’s safe. And extensive testing by Beckett, before it can go anywhere near the mess.”

John frowned at him, but Rodney was adamant. “Usually the beasts we trade for have been being consumed by humans that are sufficiently similar to us that there’s little chance of, oh, I don’t know, us dying from eating them. These—” He flung his hand out towards the herd, “are untouched by mankind. They could be carrying parasites that’ll turn us all green, or make us grow gills, or anything.”

“Yeah, okay, Rodney, I get it. We’ll be careful. First, let’s kill one and bring it back, and you can get all the tests you want run on it.”

He, Ronon and Teyla conferred on a plan. They couldn’t be sure the animals weren’t carnivorous, or omnivorous at the least, although Earth mentality suggested they’d be herbivores simply from the sheer number in the herd. They could see them browsing the grasses on the plain, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t attack if one of their number was shot. And they had no way of knowing for sure where the heart was, so it might take a few shots to bring one down. They batted ideas back and forth, but in the end it was actually quite easy.

John landed the jumper a hundred metres away near a tree, and he, Ronon and Teyla hopped out, leaving Rodney safely inside. Then Rodney lifted the jumper up a few metres, flew over the top of the herd, hovered a metre or so above them, and then decloaked.

The shadow the jumper made across the animals immediately alerted them to danger, and the stampede they’d originally avoided causing began. John, Teyla and Ronon had agreed a primary target, with a couple of back-ups, just in case, and they sent their shots flying, bringing down a beast at the side of the herd. The rest raced away across the plain, and, as Rodney landed the jumper, the other three made their way carefully towards the animal they’d shot. It was still alive, so John put a bullet through what he assumed was its brain. Life was immediately extinguished, and John sighed. It was never pleasant, killing a living animal. But his point had been valid. His people needed to eat, and there was less risk in taking something like these panther/camel/giraffe beasts than in trading with humans on unfamiliar worlds.

Ronon pulled out his knife and John turned away, not wanting to watch the destruction, but then he heard Ronon speaking softly and turned back. He was performing a ritual of thanks. John had seen one done at a Native American museum once, a way of honouring the fallen animal, giving thanks for the gift of its life that would ensure life for many others. He stood quietly beside Teyla, as Ronon cut a small nick in the side of the animal’s neck, letting the blood drip slowly to the ground as he spoke the words.

Then he was done, and he called John and Teyla forward to help with the butchering.

Rodney stayed in the jumper, working on something on his laptop, but he looked up when they started hauling quarters of beast into the back of the jumper, wrapping its carcass in a tarpaulin. He wrinkled his nose, but made no other comment.

John, Teyla and Ronon washed the blood and guts off themselves as best they could, then boarded the jumper, climbing along the bench seats to get past the pile of meat, and dropped into the cabin.

Within minutes, the jumper was in the air, and heading for the gate.

“Who’re you going to make do the butchering?” Rodney asked with interest. “Because I assume you’re planning on freezing all that meat while the testing’s done.”

“Yeah. I’ve got some marines in mind.”

“The one that upset Adi?” Ronon asked. He didn’t know the details, but that Katie woman had said someone had said unkind things to Adi, and she’d definitely been upset.

John glanced at him. “Yeah. Corporal Bosman. She’ll be heading back on the Daedalus. And she’s in the Brig now for causing a ruckus in the barracks earlier today. I’d already put her on KP, so this is right up her alley.” He sighed. “I don’t really want to punish the guys that got into the fight with her, but I probably should. You know. Maintain military discipline and all. Show them what happens if they fight instead of just reporting it.”

Rodney was eyeing him with interest. “What happened? What did the Corporal do to Adi?”

John rubbed the back of his neck, flushing slightly. “She made some very unwarranted remarks about Adi and… Lorne.” He hurried on. “She was on Capeliga the night they were stuck there – when we had the power cut in Atlantis – and she assumed they’d had sex and was asking Adi to dish the goss. Adi didn’t appreciate it.”

“That was most unfortunate,” Teyla said, her tone distressed.

But Rodney took a different tack. “I told you to watch out for Major Lorne, Sheppard, he—”

Sheppard turned sharply towards him, cutting him off mid-sentence. “Let it go, Rodney. This is none of your business. Adi can hug whoever she wants. That’s her culture. And Lorne’s not the kinda guy who’s gonna sleep around behind someone’s back.” His tone was curt, and Rodney leaned away from him, not used to being on the receiving end of John’s anger.

“Oh, right, okay. Sorry.”

John huffed out a breath. “Just. Let it go. Okay?”

Silence fell in the jumper, and the gate came into view twenty minutes later. Rodney dialled, a little subdued, and John radioed in that he’d be coming through the gate up to the Jumper Bay, but then going on to land on one of the piers. He asked Stackhouse to meet him there with the marines from the morning’s altercation.

They only had to wait a few minutes before the Sergeant came into view with the marines trailing after him. They dragged the meat out of the jumper, and John left the jumper there for them to clean when they were done with the butchering. Corporal Bosman, with her two-marine-guard, arrived as they were starting to heave the first chunk of beast off the pile to begin cutting it up, the look on her face anything but happy. John caught her eye and held it for a full thirty seconds before she flushed and turned away.

The mess staff started to appear with trolleys and containers and carving knives, and John and his team left it all in the capable hands of Sergeant Stackhouse, and headed off to have showers and post-mission physicals.

It was 1930hrs by the time John was clean and cleared of any alien contagion risk. He made his way to the mess, knowing that Adi was usually gone by now. He’d have to find her a bit later and work some more on regaining her trust. He was both disappointed and angry with himself that he’d fucked it up with her, but grateful that she hadn’t just ended the relationship… or whatever this was. He’d realised he now considered them to be dating, but he wasn’t sure what Adi thought, with her Capeligan outlook on intimacy and friendship and fluidity between people. He thought perhaps he needed to ask her. But he knew he wouldn’t.

He sighed as he grabbed a tray and started to select his dinner. He was heading towards his team’s usual table when a movement outside caught his eye, and he realised that Adi was sitting on the balcony with Corporal Hendrix… and Hendrix’s hand was on her arm. John stopped completely and stared for a moment, but Adi didn’t seem distressed. She had her back to John, but her face was turned towards Hendrix and she was talking to him, completely ignoring his hand touching her. Hendrix was listening whilst eating with his other hand, and then he said something, and Adi laughed before turning her face forward and clearly taking a mouthful of her dinner.

John sat at the table right there, where he’d stopped, so he could watch them. Strangely, he wasn’t feeling jealous with Adi sitting on a romantic balcony with another guy touching her. He was feeling… protective was the word. John wasn’t really used yet to having to analyse his own emotions, although he’d certainly had a lot of opportunity recently to practice. He grimaced at that thought and started eating, his gaze fixed on the couple outside.

His team appeared and joined him at the table. Rodney wondered aloud why Sheppard hadn’t sat at their normal table, but John managed to divert his attention, knowing that both Teyla and Ronon had probably spotted Adi outside and worked out for themselves why he was here. In fact, they’d obligingly swapped sides without comment, so that petite Teyla was between him and his view of the balcony, rather than Ronon, who would’ve completely blocked his view.

He noticed that both Hendrix and Adi seemed to have finished eating, but were still just sitting there talking. Their own meals finished, Rodney hurried away to the lab to talk about their discoveries at the Ancient facility with Zelenka, and make a plan to take to the Senior Staff meeting tomorrow about their return trip, and Ronon left for the gym to beat up some marines. It’d been a pretty non-active day for him, and John knew he’d have a lot of energy left to burn.

Teyla sat on with John, and after a few minutes of silence, she caught his eye and spoke gently. “John, are you concerned that Adi is on the balcony with Corporal Hendrix?”

John looked at her. Then he shook his head. “Not concerned. I… she can do what she wants. I… I just… I don’t know him that well, Teyla. I just want to know she’s okay.”

“You seem much calmer with this.”

John nodded slowly. “Yeah. Adi made a lot of sense with what she said.”

“I am glad. Jealousy is a strong emotion and can lead to very poor choices. You dealt well with Rodney today in the jumper, too.” She took a deep breath. “John, have you considered that you will need to speak with Major Lorne, to mend this breach between you?”

John suddenly looked like a deer in the headlights. “Um… I said I was sorry.”

Teyla nodded. “I am aware of that. However, he removed himself from Atlantis for a week to recover from this incident. I believe there is a conversation that needs to happen to smooth you both back into your working relationship.”

John flicked his eyes down, staring at the tabletop.

“You might consider if it would be better to have this conversation on Capeliga, rather than here, in Atlantis. It is a private matter, not a professional one, and I believe it would be better dealt with in private.”

John huffed out a breath. Teyla was probably right. Damn!

Teyla sat in silence, waiting for him to process her words.

Eventually John straightened himself up and looked at her. “What would I even say, Teyla? I was an asshole. I fucked up.”

“Yes,” Teyla said, perfectly seriously.

John laughed despite himself.

“And tell him why you reacted so badly, John. He deserves to know the truth.”

John’s brows drew together as he gazed at Teyla in consternation. She couldn’t know. He’d never even told her he’d been married.

“Your reasons are your own, John. But they caused you to act in this way, and Major Lorne deserves to understand your reaction.”

John nodded slowly, accepting Teyla’s wisdom. From the corner of his eye, he saw Adi stand up, Corporal Hendrix following suit, and then they were picking up their trays and coming back into the mess. He almost stood and fled, not wanting to be caught watching, but Teyla’s gaze held him there.

They came through the balcony doors together, and John heard Adi say, “Thank you, Corporal. I have greatly appreciated your support this evening.” And then she spotted John and Teyla, and she stopped. Hendrix followed her gaze, saw his CO, tried to come to attention, failed because he had a tray in his hands, and stood there, looking confused and uncertain.

“You’re dismissed, Corporal,” John said gently, and Hendrix nodded and disappeared at a rapid pace.

Adi was smiling brightly as she came towards them. Teyla gestured to a chair, so Adi laid her tray down and sat. “I did not know that you had returned. How did your mission go?”

“It was very successful,” Teyla said. “We found a great many things that will assist us here, in Atlantis.”

“And we hunted a wild animal and brought it home to eat,” John said, smirking. He was feeling unsettled from Teyla’s comments, but unruffled by Adi being with Corporal Hendrix – her words to Hendrix had shown it was clearly just a support session, nothing more. The mix of emotions was challenging for him to deal with though, so he deflected with humour, falling back on his standard behaviour patterns.

Adi smiled warmly at him. “That sounds very brave, Colonel. I look forward to trying it. Was it similar to the impilli?”

John and Teyla both laughed, and John explained what it looked like, but with references to Earth animals neither Adi nor Teyla had seen, and soon they were all laughing, sitting around the table in the deserted mess.

Chapter Text

The next few days went in a flurry of activity.

The meeting to debrief the mission to the underwater facility on the talon monster planet ended with a firm plan to charge the ZPM from the kid’s planet the day after Major Lorne was due back in Atlantis, and to then take it the following day to the facility and install it.

Rodney and Zelenka had put together an extensive mission plan, staying up most of the night apparently, in their excitement, and they’d mapped out which scientists would be joining the mission to download the data and determine how to use the different workshops and labs. They'd be taking Jumper Six with them as well, so they could repair it, and a thorough inspection of the jumper already at the facility would be undertaken. They were also hoping to glean a list of supplies needed to make the personal shields, so they could start hunting them across the galaxy. And finally, they would bring the fully depleted ZPM away with them, and John and Lorne would then take that one to be charged, too.

John kept an eye on Corporal Bosman’s imprisonment. She'd been sullen and unpleasant whilst working on the butchering, making snide comments under her breath about Adi and her apparent ‘intimate connections’ to the command staff, and Stackhouse had recommended that she be held in the Brig until the Daedalus arrived. John was perfectly willing to comply with that suggestion. Atlantis was too dangerous a place to let someone with a grudge roam around freely. The rest of the marines had been upset and angered at Bosman’s outbursts, and John expected no problems for Adi to arise from any of the unpleasantness.

The biology and chemistry labs had spent a full day testing the panther/camel/giraffe beast. Someone had put forward the name ‘pacagi’ as a play on words, and the name had been embraced by everyone in the science labs before John could stop it. They’d found it to be perfectly safe for humans to consume, and this had been confirmed by the medical team as well, who’d also done their own testing.

And so the days went by, Adi participating in her weekly staff-fighting session with Corporal Tobias and happily pottering away in the botany labs or out in the greenhouse; John busy about the base; Teyla and Ronon spending a few days on the mainland; and Rodney holed up in his lab, working madly on some theory one of the physicists had put forward about something or other – John hadn’t really been listening.

Evan had spent his days on Capeliga slowly recovering his emotional balance.

He’d worked in the fields, shirt off, letting the sun and the wind touch his skin, and had called the impilli to him, leaning against their warm sides as he milked them, enjoying the physical contact with a living animal. He’d taken the laptop to the Pethri fields, and had spent an hour every morning marking down the activities of the birds and their eggs, but had left the actual capture and slaughter of the older birds to the others, not wanting to sully himself with death while he was recovering.

He’d taken the jumper – and Corporal Reed – and had flown to the ocean, spending an entire afternoon painting the view of the archipelago sitting just off-shore, faithfully capturing the aquamarines, sapphires, azures and indigos of the water. And he’d enjoyed the crabs that Corporal Reed had caught while he waited, and had then cooked over the communal fire that night.

He’d visited Adi’s cabin, lying on her bed for a while, remembering the night he’d slept here with her. Then he’d checked the cabin for damage, repaired a small hole that had appeared in the roof where a branch from the shading tree had fallen, and had returned to the village, knowing Adi wasn’t available to him, and finding a measure of peace in accepting that.

On another afternoon, he’d sent everyone on a three-hour hike to explore further afield, and had stripped off and lain in Adi’s river, letting the water run over his body, feeling tranquillity overtake him as the water carried his troubles away.

And he’d come to a place of acceptance over what had occurred with Colonel Sheppard as well. As he’d walked through the woods on the first evening here, he’d flushed with embarrassment, cringing as he remembered his emotional outburst. But he’d worked slowly through all those emotions as the days passed, and had realised that he understood. He understood that John – because he could think of him as John while he was here on Capeliga – John had been scared he’d lost Adi to Lorne. And Evan could see why… Adi gave amazing hugs, she really did, and she was very free with her affections where Evan was concerned. He knew John had seen the naked hug Adi had given him on Badagh after she’d rescued Natol; and John had been at the Athosian campfire when Adi had all but fallen asleep in Evan’s arms, and if he’d been watching them in the mess each morning, well… he’d probably been worried for a while that Adi was going to turn to Evan. He knew the Colonel pretty well, after all. He’d made a study of the man across several years, and he knew that underneath that nonchalant exterior was actually a very sensitive and emotionally damaged man. He didn’t know what had happened in Sheppard’s past to make him that way, but it was very clear to Evan that John had a lot of baggage hidden underneath the smirk he showed the world. And Evan had unknowingly poked a hole in his shield. And so… Evan had made his peace with John as well, forgiving him in absentia, because staying angry at him was hurting Evan. He didn’t want to be angry or hurt with the man he loved.

And so the days had passed, and Evan had grown calmer, more willing to interact and chat with his companions, laugh at their jokes… even make a few jokes himself.

Their second last night on the planet, he took himself off to the impilli fields to finish the painting of the view there that he’d been working on all week, doing a little each evening. The sun was setting low in the sky, casting its dying rays up to tinge the clouds as Corporal Rivers appeared quietly beside Evan.

Evan smiled lightly in welcome and kept dabbing at the painting. It was practically finished, he was really just being a perfectionist. “What’s up, Rivers?” he asked, his head tilted to the side to get the exact spot he wanted with the tip of his brush.

“Nothing,” Rivers responded. “Just… we’re glad you’re feeling better, Sir.”

Evan straightened and turned to look at him in surprise.

“Sorry, Sir. I didn’t mean any offence.”

“None taken. But I wasn’t sick.” Evan’s brow was furrowed in confusion.

“Well, not physically, Sir, no. But… you weren’t yourself. Reed and I, we thought maybe you’d… lost someone you cared about, Sir.” His eyes widened and he hurried on, “Or, or, maybe you’d had a breakup, Sir. Relationship gone bad. Something like that. Not that we knew you were seeing anyone, Sir… just, you seemed…” There was a long pause. “Anyway, you seem… calmer, more at peace. So… we’re glad you’re feeling better, Sir.”

Evan found himself smiling at the thoughtfulness and care behind those words. “Yeah. I am. And no-one died, it wasn’t that.” He took a deep breath and turned to face back out across the impilli fields. “I don’t think you can break up with someone if you’re not actually together… It’s just…” He sighed. “I guess… I was just dealing with knowing I’d never be able to have what I want. So…”

“Oh. Doesn’t make it hurt any less, Sir,” Rivers said, his tone knowing, and Evan nodded.

“Very true, Corporal.” He turned and wiped off his brush, then started to pack away. The light was almost gone now, and the painting was complete. He’d give it to Adi to hang in her quarters. A reminder of home for her.

Rivers joined in the clean-up and packing away, and then helpfully carried all the extraneous gear back to the village, while Evan carried the easel with the wet painting on it. The marines all crowded around when they got back, exclaiming over his creation, and Evan gave them a genuine smile.

He sat around the fire that evening, feeling the warmth of camaraderie about him. Coming here, having this time away from Atlantis, it’d been a good idea. He’d worked through a lot of his emotions, had packaged everything up neatly and strengthened the shielding about his heart so it would work properly this time… would keep the pain out and let him do what he needed to, be who he needed to be.

He was feeling ready to go back. Back to the city, back to his job – he was ready to work closely with his CO, provide support to Adi as and when she needed it.

It was going to be okay.

John paced backwards and forwards on the west pier, his mind doing somersaults as he tried to work through his emotions. Lorne would be back tomorrow, and when Teyla had reappeared this morning from the mainland, her gimlet eye had fallen squarely on him and he’d known his time was up. Teyla expected him to fix this, to go to Capeliga today and talk to Lorne, apologise again – properly this time.

And John knew he needed to do that. This week had shown him that Lorne had been right. Adi did need a team around her, supporting her. It wasn’t that she was weak… just… she needed people. Lots of people, around her, available to her, watching out for her. She had a fragility around certain matters, and a need to keep her aura strong.

And John had realised that he actually wanted Evan to be one of those people – to be the first person Adi turned to. Because John knew Evan. He knew he was a genuinely decent guy, loyal and caring, intelligent and brave, gentle and understanding... He knew Evan would keep Adi safe at the cost of his own life, would interpret her needs correctly and would find a way to meet them. If John wasn’t here to watch out for her, he wanted Evan to do it.

And that realisation had come as a big shock. Because he’d been so jealous of Evan, not wanting him anywhere near Adi. But now…

It helped that Adi had promised him she wouldn’t be getting handsy with Evan anytime soon – or at least, not without letting him know, first. So he didn’t have to constantly worry that something was happening behind his back. And John knew he was particularly sensitive to that, after Nancy. She’d ripped his heart to shreds with her perfidy, and he knew he still carried very real scars from that. But, and here was the thing, Adi wasn’t Nancy. She wasn’t like Nancy in any way at all.

Adi was so understanding of him, so accepting of his emotional limitations, she worked with him to help him express his feelings and needs. Adi had never shouted at him for being emotionally shut off, had never been mad because he had responsibilities that took him away from her, had never been angry at him for anything at all. The worst had been this week, when her trust had fallen back a bit, and even then, she hadn’t shoved him away or been nasty about it. She’d asked him to explain so she could understand, and then she’d given him everything she could, asking only for time to rebuild the trust she’d lost.

He needed to stop comparing her to Nancy, because they were clearly totally different people, and Adi won every single category he could think of.

And so here he was, pacing around on the pier, trying to work up the courage to get in a jumper and go and find Lorne. And once he’d found him, talk to him. Explain why he’d reacted so badly, and apologise again. Try to find a way back to the easy camaraderie, the light-hearted relationship they’d had as CO and XO, trusting each other implicitly, relying on each other in life and death situations. That’s what John had fucked up… and what he needed to get back.

He glanced at his watch. It was 1800hrs here in Atlantis, which meant it was 1300hrs on Capeliga. If he went now, he’d have a good few hours to do this, just in case it took a while for him to get the words out. It probably would. He sucked at emotional conversations.

Thinking that positive thought, John headed for the Supply Room.

Half an hour later, he boarded the jumper, looking over the supplies he’d commandeered for the escape cave on Capeliga. Dr Weir had been surprised at his request, but had then pursed her lips as a look of understanding had crossed her face. John had winced internally, realising she’d recognised a coverup when she saw one. But she’d nodded her approval for the Military CO to go off-world, and that’s really all he needed.

He exited the event horizon into a gloriously cheerful afternoon, the sun bright in the sky, the forest a patchwork of greens. John laughed at himself, getting all poetic about a forest, but Adi’s affinity with nature had definitely had an impact on him.

They knew he was coming of course. The alarm had sounded in their earwigs the moment the gate had engaged, and he’d called it through so they could stand down from alert. Major Lorne met him beside the village, a questioning look on his face.

“Is everything okay, Sir? We weren’t expecting you.”

“Everything’s fine. I’ve just got some supplies for the bat cave. I thought you could help me lug them up there.”

Evan gazed at him for a moment and then nodded. “Sure. Lovely day for a walk.” He turned slightly and tapped his radio. “Coughlin? The Colonel and I’ll be heading for the caves with some supplies.” Hearing the acknowledgement, Evan tapped the radio closed and boarded the jumper, hefting one of the packs onto his back.

John reached for the other one, and then, thinking the hatch on the jumper closed, he turned and led the way.

They walked in complete silence, only the sounds of nature about them. Thoughts were swirling through John’s mind, and he couldn’t grasp a starting point for the conversation they needed to have. He kept his head down, trudging along, trying to get a grip on his anxiety. He hated having to talk about feelings.

Evan walked quietly beside his CO, feeling a bit worried. He knew most of Sheppard’s moods, and this one said he was labouring under intense emotion and was trying to hide it. Evan couldn’t imagine what the problem was though, unless… Maybe the Colonel had taken umbrage at his XO’s emotional outburst and had decided to ship him back to Earth. Evan’s shoulders slumped as worries started to assail him. He walked on and on, through the forest and up onto the cliff path, feeling more and more unsettled.

Neither of them had broken the silence, even as they’d stacked all the gear into the cave, and John realised that he really just needed to do this. The weight of not speaking was pushing on him, increasing his nervousness. He grabbed his empty pack and walked out of the cave, standing on the ledge with it dangling from his hand, gazing out at the view.

Evan came and stood beside him. The silence was really getting to him, eating into his calm, and he decided it would be better just to know. “Sir, I’d like to apologise for my emotional outburst last week. It was unprofessional and—”

John swivelled to face him, holding up his hand in a stop gesture. “No, don’t. Don’t.” He shook his head, huffing out a breath. Then he sat down on the ledge, his back against the cliff wall, his feet crossed at the ankle.

Evan came and sat beside him. When Sheppard had remained silent for another few minutes, Evan asked, “Why are you here, Sir? Why did you come?”

John sighed. “I came to apologise, properly this time. I–I fucked up, Evan.” He glanced sharply sideways then away. “And I’m sorry.”

“Oh. Okay, thanks. I appreciate that you came to tell me that.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to have this conversation in Atlantis, and… I think we need to have it, so… I’m not good at… talking… emotional stuff, so you… you just need to… give me time.”

Evan nodded, well aware of the Colonel’s infamous inability to talk about emotional ‘stuff’.

John stood suddenly, and walked off along the path, away from the village a little way, before turning and coming back. When he sat back down, he pulled his knees up tightly against his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “I wanted to… explain. I wanted you to understand… why…” He huffed out a breath. “I was married once. I was deployed overseas several times. Three-month stints mostly, then a few weeks home before I was gone again. We were… we were good. Happy.” He stopped and dropped his head down onto his knees, staying there, just breathing.

After a few minutes, John lifted his head and stared out across the rolling landscape. “I emailed her the time and date I’d be back. She said she’d wait at home for me to come. We landed on US soil a bit early, and I caught an earlier connection. I didn’t tell her. I wanted to surprise her.” John tilted his head back, leaning it against the rock behind him. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

Evan stayed quiet, giving John the time he’d asked for, gazing straight ahead, providing him what privacy he could by not looking at him.

When John started talking again, his voice was rasping with emotion held back, long pauses between sentences. “I caught a taxi. Used the hide-a-key to get in. There were noises upstairs. Moans. I thought maybe she was… sick, vomiting… I… I walked into the… bedroom and… she was riding him. On my bed. Her head… her head was thrown back and… she was moaning, and he was… he was groping her breasts. I… I could see his cock as she slid up and down on him.” He stopped and swallowed thickly. “She saw me and she got the fuck off him. And she said “I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”

There was silence for a long while, then John flicked a glance at Evan. “When I… when I walked into Adi’s room that night, you sat up… all naked… and you said, “We didn’t think you’d be back tonight.”

John buried his head in his knees and just sat there, completely still.

Evan could hear him breathing, could see his back rising and falling as he took deep, deep breaths. Five minutes passed, and Evan eventually decided John wasn’t coming out. “You didn’t deserve that, John, and I’m really sorry that happened to you.”

John lifted his head, taking a really big breath in through his nose. “Yeah, well… you didn’t deserve what I did to you, either, because you were there because Adi needed you to help her. And I jumped to a lot of very unwarranted conclusions and I… I hurt you. Very badly. And I’m sorry. I–I didn’t tell you that story as an excuse, it’s not an excuse. But I wanted you to… to understand… the reason. It wasn’t you. I wasn’t…” He paused, huffing out a breath. “Well, I was actually. I was shouting at you. But… I know you’re not the… the kinda guy that would… I know you wouldn’t… you wouldn’t cheat on me like that. Do that.”

John huffed out a big breath and took a few moments to compose himself. “So, I’m sorry. And I thought about everything you said, and you’re right. Adi needs more than just me. And I–I need to know she’s got someone safe to go to, to… be with. She… Something happened while you were here, and she was really upset, and Ronon and I had to go off-world, and I realised I would’ve felt so much better if you’d been there for her. And you weren’t. And Smithers was still in the infirmary, so she only had Stackhouse really… and Hendrix. I told Stackhouse to recall you if she needed… someone. If she needed… you.”

“You could've radioed for me. I would’ve come straight back.”

John looked sideways at him. “You, um, you seemed to need some time… And I trusted Stackhouse to recall you if it got any worse.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

“One of the new Corporals – Bosman… Do you know her much?”

Evan thought for a moment. “Blonde?”

“Yeah.”

“No, only in passing. Adi read her aura. I’ve not had much to do with her yet.”

“Well, she was on Capeliga the night you and Adi stayed over, and she went to the Stitch ‘n’ Bitch session and asked Adi all about your skills in the sack, with suggestive remarks about what you did together in Adi’s cottage.”

Lorne’s eyes almost bugged out of his head. “Fuck! Was Adi okay?”

John huffed out a breath. “No, she really wasn’t okay. But luckily, Ronon & I were coming up the hallway at the exact moment she fled the room, having defended your honour by telling them all that she’d been pack-raped, and that you were simply keeping her safe from the stinking marines that were giving her flashbacks. She ran straight into Ronon’s arms, and he took her to her room and stayed with her until I’d dealt with it.”

Evan shook his head. “You know I didn’t… we didn’t…”

John closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened them again. “I know. I know you didn’t. But it hasn’t helped Adi to have all of that thrown in her face. Bosman suggested you might’ve held her down… Adi said she could feel the Bola Kai’s hands on her, and their stinking bodies and their… thrusting…” John’s hands clenched, and Evan felt a similar shaft of anger go through him.

“Adi told me that if I went with her to the cottage, the marines would know. And I said I didn’t care what people thought.” Evan shook his head. “Perhaps I should’ve.”

John turned his head to meet Evan’s eyes. “And then what would you’ve done? Because she wasn’t going to get any sleep at all in a room full of men who smelt like the Bola Kai.”

“Her plan was to go alone to the cottage, and she told me to stay with the marines, but I wouldn’t. I insisted on going with her. This is my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, Lorne, and I would’ve been really angry if you’d let her wander off into the forest to spend the night alone, feeling that scared. I told the Stitch ‘n’ Bitch that the Command Staff watch out for Adi’s needs. And that’s what you were doing. It’s not your fault that some Corporal thinks you’re hot.”

Evan’s eyes widened. “Did she actually say that?”

John nodded, smirking. “Yeah. Apparently, she did. I made everyone write a report on what happened. I’m sending her back to Earth when the Daedalus gets here.”

“Good plan.”

There was silence for a while, and it was John who broke it. “So… anyway, I’ve realised a few things – and had a few things pointed out to me…”

Evan looked at him questioningly.

“Um, Teyla kinda knows what’s going on because… well… Teyla. She was very unimpressed with me and had a few choice things to say about my general uselessness at all things emotional. And then she beat me up a bit, just to make sure the lesson stuck. But I think Adi’s forgiven me for treating you so badly… and for scaring her by shouting at you. And we… well, we… talked a few things through. So…”

John swivelled around so he was facing Lorne. “Okay, so here’s the thing. I need you to go back to doing what you were doing… before I fucked everything up. I don’t want you to be… shying away from being near Adi, or… being scared I’m going to erupt if you… hug her or mention her or anything. So, please come home, and carry on, just like you were, before. And next time she–she needs you in her bed, well, just, you know, strip off and climb in. I promise… I promise I won’t ever shout at you again and I… I absolutely promise I will never… never look at you like that again. Ever.” He paused and looked down at the ground, huffing out a breath. Then he slowly raised his eyes to meet Lorne’s. “I’m… I’m really sorry about that, Evan… really sorry. You didn’t deserve that… and I… I know it upset you a lot, and… I’m sorry.”

Evan nodded, feeling the last tiny remnants of his anguish, his distress, dissolving. He let his eyes drift over the rich tapestry laid out in front of them. He could see the marines in the distance, coming in from the fields, making their way towards the village.

“We should probably head back. Are we done here?”

John nodded. “Oh yeah, totally. And maybe you can tell Teyla that I fixed this, and then she’ll stop beating me to a pulp with her sticks.”

Evan laughed. “Any good bruises?”

John looked at him for a moment, then stood and pulled his shirts out of his pants, lifting them up to show Evan a very spectacular purpling bruise on his side, above his hip.

“Ouch,” Evan said, his eyes roaming across more than just the bruise.

“Yeah. She’s been pretty mad with me.” He tucked himself back in and led the way down the path. “So… I’ll give you some updates so you can share them around the fire if you need to.” He suddenly stopped and caught Lorne’s eye, his expression full of consternation. “You won’t… you won’t tell…”

Evan shook his head. “When John and Evan have a conversation, it’s pretty confidential. I will, however, share whatever Colonel Sheppard tells Major Lorne.” And so they made their way back along the cliff path and through the forest to the village, exchanging news, and re-finding the camaraderie in their relationship.

It was mid-afternoon the following day when the gate lit up and a wormhole from Capeliga whooshed into existence. Evan was the first to emerge from the event horizon, followed by the nine marines who’d been on rotation with him. They were all sweaty and dirty and cheerful, relaxed in a way that was unusual for military personnel stationed in the Pegasus Galaxy. The week of country living had given them all a much-needed break from the constant danger of their normal lives.

Elizabeth waved to Evan, and he passed his gear off to one of the marines on duty, then mounted the staircase as the rest of his companions headed for their rooms to shower.

“How was it, Major?” Elizabeth asked, looking him over. She was pleased to see he was looking much better. No longer shell-shocked as he’d appeared the morning after the lab explosion.

“You should try it, Dr Weir. Get the Colonel to roster you there for a week. Very relaxing.”

“I can see that,” she said, gazing quite obviously at the dirt on his hands and BDUs.

He laughed. “Well, I didn’t say you’d stay clean.”

“It’s good to have you home, Major,” she said, her tone clearly showing that she meant that.

Evan smiled. “It’s good to be home, Ma’am.” He nodded in respect, and turned away, heading for his own room to shower. He didn’t even notice being dirty when he was off-world, but he really felt it when he was back in Atlantis.

He walked along the concourse past the office he shared with Colonel Sheppard, not even glancing in, because up ahead the transporter doors had opened, and Adi had appeared. Her face lit with an enormous smile when she saw him and she cried out his name, coming quickly towards him.

Evan was smiling too, unable to keep his pleasure at seeing her hidden. But when she came close, he lifted his hand, stopping her. “I’m really rank, Adi. A week of hard labour and no showers. Let me go get cleaned up before we say hi.”

Adi shook her head, and took the last couple of steps, right into his personal space. She laid her hand over his heart, her eyes gazing steadily into his. “I know you will never hurt me, Evan. I told you once that you smell safe to me, and it is true.”

And then she was closing that last distance between them as her arms snaked about his waist. Her body came up flush against his and her head came to rest against his shoulder.

Evan sighed happily, wrapping his arms about her, holding her against his heart, his head resting against hers. This was coming home. Right here, in this moment.

They stood there, in the hallway near the Control Tower, just holding each other, for many long minutes. Then Adi sighed. “I missed you, Evan. It is good to have you home.” She drew back from him a little, and Evan loosened his arms but didn’t drop them completely.

“I did a couple of paintings, Adi – of the ocean, and the impilli fields. I wanted to give you the impilli fields one for your room.”

Adi smiled up at him. “Thank you. I will be very pleased to have it. Your aura is very tranquil, Evan. It seems you found your peace on Capeliga.”

“I did.” He laughed. “I laid in your river, it was… a very calm way to spend a couple of hours.”

Adi laughed with him. “Come,” she said, taking his hand. “Show me these paintings, and then you must shower, because I would like a clean hug.”

And so Evan followed her to the transporter, and they disappeared together.

John stood in the door of his office, gazing after them. He’d been in the middle of a report when the gate alarm had sounded and, knowing it would be the Capeligan contingent returning, he hadn’t gone to see, not wanting to lose his train of thought. But he’d seen Evan pass his door and had then heard Adi’s voice, crying out his name in delight. So he’d risen and moved silently forward until he was in a position to see them. He’d watched as Adi had embraced Evan, discounting his concern about his body odour, had seen the sheer joy on Adi’s face when she’d pulled back from the hug, and had seen Evan’s pleasure in being welcomed home in such a fashion.

He sighed. They’d both looked so happy, and he wanted them both to be happy, these two people that he loved. And Adi had assured him she’d tell him before anything more than friendship happened.

Teyla had been pretty insistent that he’d have to learn to share Adi because it was part of her nature to love many. And based on that greeting, it was really obvious to John that Teyla had been right. He was going to have to learn to share her. He sighed again, moving back into his office.

His mind was actually feeling quite calm, no sparks of jealousy, no sudden need to beat Evan to a pulp for touching Adi. If he was going to have to share Adi’s affection, then sharing her with Evan – the man he knew so well, the man he loved – well, when the time came, he thought he could probably learn to do that. At least he knew that Adi’s loving heart would be safe with Evan.

All he really wanted was for Adi to be happy… and if having both him and Evan would make her happy, well… he could do that. He could.

And so John sat back down at his desk and turned his mind back to his report, no troubling thoughts bothering him at all.