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*****
one.
It had been a good night. Chaotic, as most of their nights were these days, in their little household of three, but in the best way possible - he and Buck took turns working with Chris on his homework and working on dinner, and they ate and talked and laughed until Eddie felt the kind of warmth that only came from spending time with his family. Chris was reading in his room now, Eddie could hear Buck moving around in the kitchen as Eddie finished straightening up the living room, and he had plans for a quiet night in together after they finished cleaning. Yeah, it was the best kind of night.
“Hey, Eddie,” Buck poked his head in from the dining room. “You wanna go say goodnight to Chris? I’ll finish up in here.”
Eddie rose up from the coffee table with the TV remote still in hand. “Why? His bedtime’s not for another half an hour.”
Buck was smirking inexplicably as he stepped into the living room proper. “You forgot, didn’t you.”
Eddie frowned. “What did I forget?”
“Your mom and dad are going to be calling in…about ten minutes.”
What - oh, fuck .
He and his parents were trying to be better about keeping up with each other and actually talking, which meant calls every other Sunday unless he had a shift. Which was today , and Eddie had, like an idiot , forgotten about it.
Buck was still grinning, walking forward to take the remote out of Eddie’s hand and set it down. “Didn’t you guys want to be better with talking now?”
“Yeah, but I forgot . And I had plans .” Eddie knew he was whining like his kid now. He didn’t particularly care.
Buck’s eyebrows shot up. “What kind of plans?”
“Never mind. I’m gonna go say goodnight to Christopher,” Eddie sighed, pressing a kiss to Buck’s lips.
“Eddie, wait! What kinds of plans?”
**
“Are you sure you should be doing all of that by yourself, dad? It won’t strain your heart too much?”
“Don’t worry, the doctor said it was fine. And if it’s not, you’ll be the first to know - you certainly made sure of that,” Ramon sighed.
Helena smiled at her husband. “Don’t take him so seriously, Eddie; he’s glad you’re looking out for him, but he won’t say it.”
“There’s nothing to look out for, I’m fine!”
Eddie grinned. Things were getting easier with his dad, slowly but surely. True to his word, Ramon had been significantly trying to bridge the gaps in their relationship. Case in point - after the family dragged him to the hospital at his retirement party celebration, he’d let Eddie make himself and Helena the point of contact for all medical issues. It had gone a long way in calming Helena (and everyone else) after the heart attack scare.
“It should stay that way, dad.”
Ramon waved him off. “You all worry too much. Tell me, how is Christopher?”
Eddie almost rolled his eyes at the obvious change of subject. “He’s good! Bu - he’s in bed, or I’d let you talk to him.”
“No, no, this time is for us; we can talk to Christopher later.”
Eddie smiled as Helena launched into a story about the neighbour’s dogs. It was a little strange, seeing his dad try to be more open and communicative, but in a good way; it was so different to how he’d been most of Eddie’s life. His eyes fell on a framed photo of Buck, Chris, and Eddie himself at the beach as Eddie thought it was regretful that it took them so long to get to this point, but Eddie was grateful all the same - grateful for his little family unit, grateful that they were all trying to make it better.
“ - all night. Eddie, are you listening?” The sound of his name startled Eddie away from the photo. “What? Sorry, mom, I got distracted for a sec. What were you saying?”
Helena peered at the screen closely. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m fine, mom.”
Ramon’s face joined Helena’s as they both leaned in. “Are you sure, son? You can tell us anything.”
Eddie sighed. “Now who’s worrying too much? I’m fine, I’m just a little tired. What were you saying, mom?”
*****
two.
Eddie wasn’t going to admit it to anyone here, but he much preferred Thanksgiving in LA. He loved his parents, he really did, and he appreciated how much his dad was trying too, but - no one really had to try the same way in their little LA family.
Nevertheless, it had been a good Thanksgiving. He got to see Abuela, which was always a plus; and Chris was enjoying himself with his cousins, which was great because he didn’t get to see them all that often. They’d had a lovely meal, and almost everyone in their family was in one place - including his sisters - and it had been a perfectly pleasant day.
Which is why Eddie didn’t want to do anything that could possibly disturb that.
But here he was, awkwardly clearing his throat in front of his mom and dad, asking if he could speak to them, alone.
“Of course, sweetie,” his mom smiled brightly. “Let’s go to the kitchen.”
Eddie led the way to the kitchen, which was, blissfully, empty - very surprising in a house this full - but everyone was taking advantage of the last days of chilly sunshine before the cold set in.
He took a deep breath as he turned around to face his parents. You practiced this , he reminded himself. You can do this.
“Maybe we should - sit.”
His dad was frowning now, and his mom looked concerned even as they all took a seat around the kitchen table. “What’s going on, Eddie? Is everything okay? Is it about Chris?”
Eddie shook his head. “No, no - Chris is fine, everything’s fine, it’s nothing bad. I just wanted to tell you guys something.”
His mom’s expression cleared, although his dad was still frowning. “Oh, okay, sweetie, what is it?”
He could do this. He could do this.
Eddie took a deep breath again, swallowed. He felt like the kid he used to be again, sitting his parents down and telling them that Shannon was pregnant. Just force the words out. That’s all you have to do. “I’m kind of - seeing someone.”
Helena’s eyes went wide. “Oh, that’s - that’s good, Eddie. Where did you meet her?”
Ramon was still silent.
Okay, here goes. Eddie closed his eyes as he steeled himself. “It’s Buck.”
Eddie could feel the room go quiet.
He braced himself against the tension in the air as he opened his eyes again. His parents were deathly silent, staring at him with wide eyes. Helena’s mouth was open in shock, and Ramon looked as still as a statue.
It was hard not to brace for disappointment - the same disappointment that his parents had expressed in almost every major choice or event in his life so far. Eddie reminded himself he wasn’t that kid anymore, and he could deal with whatever they threw at him - he was sure of who he was and what he was doing, and he had a family and a support system who had the same faith in him.
Even so, the silence stretched on for ages.
“Bu - ” his mother’s voice was soft as she paused. She cleared her throat before speaking again. “Your coworker, Buck?”
Eddie tried not to fall back into old habits, and start explaining or defending himself under the weight of his parents’ gaze. “Yeah, he’s a firefighter too. You guys met him a couple of times.”
You got this. You owe this to yourself, he reminded himself.
Ramon cleared his throat too, and spoke for the first time since they entered the kitchen. “What are you doing, Eddie?”
Eddie turned to his dad incredulously. “What am I doing? I’m telling you something important about my life, because I don’t want to hide things from you. And I’m hoping that you’ll be happy that I’m happy.”
“But are you - are you sure this is a good idea?”
“I love him, Chris loves him, and he’s completely devoted to the both of us. Yes, I think it’s a good idea, because he’s the best person I’ve ever met, and he makes me happier than I thought I could be. Do you guys have a problem with that?”
“But he’s a young, single man, and - he’s a firefighter too?” Helena sounded reproachful. “Are - are you sure he’s ready for the responsibility of - of having to deal with a child?”
Eddie was suddenly, vividly, reminded of don’t drag him down with you, Eddie.
“Buck is excellent with Christopher, and they both love each other. Do you really think I’d let anyone into my life who wasn’t good with Chris?”
“Of course, we know you’re a great father, but we just wanted to make sure - right, Ramon?” Helena glanced at his father, who had fallen quiet again.
“I am sure you will do what is right for Christopher,” his father said. “But are you certain this is the person you want to - be with?”
Eddie felt very tired of this conversation. “Buck is the love of my life. He’s always going to be a part of my family going forward.”
Helena and Ramon both turned to look at each other before Helena spoke. “I’m glad you’re happy, Eddie, but we just - we thought you liked - I mean you and Shannon - and you had Ana -”
“I loved Shannon. I love Buck. I can’t give you guys a label or a definition. What I have with Buck is just as real and meaningful. I hope you guys can accept that.”
His parents shared a look again. “Eddie -”
Crash!
All three of them jumped, turning to stare out at the living room. “Is everything okay?” Helena called.
“Can you come in here a moment?” Pepa shouted back.
Eddie supposed it was a miracle they’d gotten privacy as long as they had, but he couldn’t help but feel a mixture of annoyance and relief as his parents glanced at each other and then back at him before standing up to go deal with whatever disaster had befallen their overcrowded house.
Eddie stayed seated at the kitchen table for a long time, wondering if he’d done the right thing.
*****
three.
Eddie had half expected them not to show up.
He and Pepa had invited his parents and Abuela to LA for Christmas months ago, but after the fiasco at Thanksgiving, and especially after he'd called them and told them Buck would be present at Christmas, because he was family, and at the very least he expected everyone to be civil -
A small part of Eddie was convinced they'd just - decide not to board their flight, and all of them would go back to the Diaz cold shoulder, to not talking about important things, to blowing up at family reunions.
But here they were, with Abuela, at Pepa's house for Christmas dinner, as promised - with loads of presents for Chris and friendly-enough smiles on their faces. They made small talk with everyone and laughed with Chris and his mom even tentatively handed Buck a wrapped shirt at present time, even though his dad looked vaguely constipated throughout all of it.
They were here, and everyone was civil, and dinner was over and no one had yelled or expressed thinly veiled criticisms over Eddie's choices yet, so he was taking it as a win.
It was a little awkward, being alone with his dad now. They'd been put on cleanup duty at the end of the night, and they were almost done with dishes but they hadn't said a word to each other through the whole process. His dad kept making aborted little movements, like he wanted to reach out or say something, but. Eddie certainly didn't feel like being the one to bridge the gap, so uncomfortable silence it was.
Finally, his dad handed him the last of the plates to dry and stack, while he wiped his hands and wrung the towel between his fingers. “Eddie - can I talk about something?”
Eddie took his time putting away the plates before he turned to face Ramon. “Sure.”
Ramon sat down at Pepa’s table. “I just - I wanted to apologise, for what happened at Thanksgiving.”
Eddie could feel himself staring at his dad as he walked over to take a seat opposite Ramon. “Really?”
“You just - you caught me off guard, and I will admit I did not react in the best way. I wanted to explain.”
Eddie nodded, still staring.
"Eddie, my father, your Abuelo - he barely used to talk to us, you know. He was a great man, he was devoted to us, to his family - and I've tried to live up to his example, but - I knew I didn't want to raise my children exactly the way he raised me."
Ramon's voice was shaking, a little. "I've - I've tried to give you kids direction, but clearly - I know I've made mistakes along the way. And I'm not trying to excuse anything, I just - I just wanted you to know where I was coming from. I was just trying to do better."
A year ago, Eddie would never have considered that he and his dad might have anything fundamental in common, that they had any shared experiences at all, but he was starting to see that he’d been wrong.
"I - I get it, dad. But I'm also trying to do better - better than you did. For Chris and for myself. Is that such a bad thing?"
Ramon's smile was hesitant, but real. A hand reached out to wrap around Eddie's wrist. "No, son. It's not a bad thing. It's what parents want for their children - that you - and your sisters - be better than we were. I may not agree, always, with the choices you make, but - I'm - proud of you."
Eddie found, to his horror, that he was getting choked up. "Thank - thanks, dad."
Ramon tentatively smiled back, and Eddie felt something between them settle.
*****
four.
The warm smell of Buck’s cooking and the sound of his ridiculous pop music greeted Eddie as he closed the door behind him and took off his jacket. Eddie hadn’t predicted how much he’d come to appreciate it - sharing a home with someone (well, not technically, not yet - but they might as well be with how often Buck was here), having someone to come home to, a partner to share his life with.
“Eddie? That you?”
Eddie called back in the affirmative as he headed to join Buck in the kitchen. “What are you making? It smells amazing.”
“Hey, you.” Buck turned to smile at him as he entered the kitchen, leaning in for a kiss that Eddie was all too happy to oblige. “It’s nothing special, just pasta. I know you must be tired.”
Eddie was, actually - covering an extra half shift after their usual twenty four had been exhausting, but Ashraf needed the day off, and it was extra money, so Eddie volunteered. It just made getting home to Buck in the house all the more comforting.
“I ate earlier; I’m just warming up a plate for you,” Buck continued. “Do you want anything else?”
“No, this is enough. Thank you, love.” Eddie took a seat at the table as Buck placed a plate of steaming pasta in front of him. “Also, you’ll have to pick up Christopher from Aryan’s house in an hour.”
Buck frowned. “You don’t want to come?”
“I’m probably going to crash in a bit. Plus, I have to call my parents in twenty,” Eddie said between mouthfuls. “Buck, this is delicious.”
Buck turned a little pink, like he always did when Eddie complimented him. “Thanks. I forgot about your parents; of course I’ll pick up Chris. I should leave now, actually.” Buck walked around the table to drop a kiss on Eddie’s head. “Get some rest, baby.”
**
“How’s Abuela doing?”
“Abuela - she’s fine. Her hip was giving her trouble last week, but she’s handling it well.”
“She’s a strong woman,” his mother added. Eddie hummed, but made a mental note to call Abuela in a couple of days. He hadn’t realised the presence she had in his city until she left, and sometimes he missed her so fiercely it ached. It was only made worse by the knowledge of her age, and her ailing health.
Eddie shook himself out of his thoughts, realising his mom was still talking in his ear. “What was that, mom? Sorry, I didn’t catch you.”
Helena sighed. “I was just asking how Christopher is.”
Eddie was never one to pass up an opportunity to talk about his son, even if it was to his parents. “Christopher? He’s doing great. He got As on his last English and math tests last week.”
“That is great. Are you still reading to him?”
“When he lets me. My twelve year old is claiming he’s too old for bedtime stories now.” Eddie grinned, but it was rueful, painted with the knowledge that his son was growing up; that he wouldn’t need his old dad as much anymore.
Ramon cleared his throat, startling Eddie from his musings again. “And how is - Buck?”
Eddie’s eyebrows shot up. “Buck? He’s doing well, dad. He’s picking up Christopher from his friend’s place right now.”
Ramon spoke again, but his voice was different. “Good - good. And how is work?”
The turns of this conversation were giving Eddie whiplash. “Work is good too, dad. Our captain - Bobby, you guys met him - he’s been thinking about retiring, and we’re all hoping Chimney gets the captain’s seat - he’s the most senior firefighter on our team, and he’s brilliant.”
“Chimney - this is another one of your coworkers, yes? The one who has a baby with Buck’s sister?”
“...Yeah, how did you know that?”
“You mentioned it, I think, a few weeks ago. You said Buck was babysitting for them.”
Before Eddie could respond to this piece of information that his father had apparently remembered from weeks ago, his mom cut in. “Eddie, sweetie, we have to go. Someone’s at the door, I think it’s Mrs. Singh about the dogs again.”
“I - yeah, sure, mom. I’ll talk to you guys soon.” They said their goodbyes, and hung up hurriedly with promises of passing their love along to Chris, but Eddie sat there for fifteen minutes puzzling over it before he figured it out - that was his dad’s I’m trying voice.
*****
five.
Eddie hummed to himself as he wiped down the kitchen. He’d been doing that more often - humming, singing under his breath; Buck even caught him swaying his hips to music as he washed dishes once. Frank said it was him finally allowing himself to find joy in little things. Buck said it was cute. Christopher laughed and tried to join in.
His dad was visiting again - without his mom, this time. It was strange, but nice. He’d taken Chris out to the park, and then they'd come home for lunch, and now Eddie could hear them in Chris' room, settling him down with his homework. His parents did seem to be - trying - to follow Eddie's lead with Chris, and Eddie was surprised but grateful.
Eddie heard a pair of footsteps and a throat clearing just as he finished the last of the cleaning.
"Chris in his room?"
“Yes. He said he’s working on math homework, but it looked like a bunch of gibberish to me.”
Eddie grinned as he turned around. “Yeah, it’s beyond mine - or Buck’s - understanding at this point. He’s gotta make do with his teachers.”
Ramon laughed, but it was short-lived as his face turned serious. “Listen - Eddie - can we talk?”
Eddie felt himself frown. “Yeah, dad, of course. Have a seat.” He stepped towards the kitchen table, sank down onto a chair as his dad did the same next to him.
“Eddie - I know you’re wondering, why I came to see you so suddenly, without your mother.”
Oh, so there was a reason. “Yeah, sort of.”
Ramon reached into his pocket, and - did his dad seem nervous , now? Eddie had never known his dad to be nervous about anything; this felt like uncharted territory. But then again, it felt like that was true of most conversations with his father, now.
Before Eddie could analyse Ramon’s expression too much, he pulled a box out of his pocket and slid it over the table to Eddie. “I wanted to give you this.”
This was getting more confusing by the minute. “You came all the way from El Paso to give me this box?”
At that, a smile broke through the mixture of emotions on Ramon’s face. “Open it.”
Eddie picked up the box and flipped open the lid, and inside, was - “Is this -”
“My old wedding ring. Your mom and I -”
“You had new ones made on your twenty fifth, I remember,” Eddie murmured, unable to take his eyes off the ring. “But why -”
“I wanted you to have it. I thought you could maybe - find a use for it.”
That got Eddie’s head to snap up to look at Ramon. “What - what do you mean?”
And Ramon still seemed nervous, but his voice was now clearer, somehow. “I thought, when you’re ready - you could. Maybe, you could give it to Buck.”
Eddie could feel his eyes growing wide, still staring at Ramon. “What?”
“You said Buck was - you said he was the love of your life, and he makes you happy.”
“Yeah - he is - he does - dad, are you serious?”
Ramon swallowed. “If that’s truly how you feel, then - yes.”
And Eddie didn’t know when he got up, or when Ramon rose to meet him - he only registered that he was somehow gripping his dad tight, eyes squeezed shut and the ring box still clutched in his hand, and his dad was hugging him back just as hard.
“Dad - thank you .”
His voice broke as they pulled apart, but Ramon just cupped this face and pulled him down to press a kiss to his forehead. “I know I haven’t been - a perfect father. But all I want is for you - and Chris - to be happy. I hope you know that.”
Eddie could feel himself welling up, could feel a tear about to fall down his cheek, but in this moment, he didn’t care. “I know, dad.”
Ramon smiled back, and it felt like a beginning.