Chapter Text
Alexander Hamilton had always known he would die young.
He did not suffer for long. John sent word for Eliza and Maria and then got Alex to a doctor as fast as he could. There was nothing the man could do to save him. Alex died on the table, surrounded by his family. He was thirty-seven years old. Five years older than his mother was when she died.
When they all returned home, John handed out their personal letters to the women and then tucked Frances and Philip’s away for safe keeping. His hands shook as he read the multi-page missive. It would be the last stream of consciousness he would ever get from Alex. He forced himself to read it slowly.
Alex told him about the blackmail and how Aaron had given him the option of either dueling or going to the police this time around. He said that his decision was not even a question, and he hoped that John would not be angry for keeping it from him. All he wanted, he said, was one last normal night with the man he loved.
John found it extremely difficult to be angry with Alex at all. Mostly, he just felt sad. Sad that Alex saw death as the only answer, and sad that he was probably right. When Alex raised his pistol at the sky, and Burr shot him anyway, he lost all honor. The public did not know why Burr had dueled with Alex, and it was poor form to kill someone the way he did. Alex’s legacy stayed intact, just as he always wanted.
Burr withdrew from the public eye, ultimately ashamed of what he had done. When he heard Alex had officially passed, he sent a letter to John promising that he would never share what he knew about their life. He promised, for the sake of the children, that this would be the end of his vendetta. John felt compelled to believe him.
John wasn’t sure how long he had been reading when Eliza knocked softly on his door and poked her head in, but he was at least on his third time through. “Any earth-shattering revelations in there?” She asked lightly, walking to him and sitting down on the bed.
John shook his head. “It’s all Alex. Just Alex. It seems like he wanted to be more prophetic, but he had finally run out of words. Did not stop him from going on for six pages, though.” He cracked a bit of a smile, and Eliza took his arm and leaned her head on his shoulder.
“I love you, brother. I am sorry that it has ended this way. I don’t know what I would do if I lost Maria.” They were both quiet for a moment. “He said why he did it in his letter to me. I will admit that I am grateful. I do not know what we would have done had Aaron gone to the police.”
John nodded a little and stroked his sister’s hair. “I would have done the same if given the choice. It is family above all else. It always has been.”
Eliza let out a quiet sigh. “I am going to miss him so much.”
John’s lip twitched, but he did not cry. He truthfully did not feel the need to. “So am I,” he resolved. Eliza studied him for a moment, allowing the silence to envelop them. “It is funny, I feel I have spent so much of my time with Alex discussing his death, and now that it has finally happened… I understand it. This is how it had to end.”
“In a duel to Aaron Burr?”
John shook his head. “No. Alex was never going to be a man that watched life pass him by. He was not going to sit on the front porch with me in our old age talking of the glory days. He was the glory days.” He swallowed thickly. “I will make sure he is remembered in the way he deserves to be.”
Eliza looked up and met his eyes. “I will help you. Whatever it takes.”
The two of them smiled, and John squeezed Eliza’s arm as he said, “You know, I never remembered to thank you.”
“For what?”
“For ignoring me all of those years ago when I forbade you from courting Alex,” John teased. “I will finally admit that you were right all along.”
Eliza could only laugh.
XXX
Fifteen years later.
“You are certain that is what he said?” Eliza asked with fervor.
Frances stood in the doorway of their same country home and nodded nervously. Maria crossed to her daughter and took her hand. “Do you know when? Or where?” She asked with patience.
“Tomorrow. In Weehawken,” Frances replied, chewing her lip. Maria glanced back at Eliza and gave her knowing look. Eliza looked as if she were going to be sick to her stomach.
“Like father like son,” she mumbled.
“He will be so angry that I have told you both, but I did not know what else to do,” Frances said desperately. “We cannot let him go through with it.” Just then, John walked through the door and Frances immediately clung to him. “Oh, father, it’s just awful,” she moaned.
John held the girl tightly and looked to Maria and Eliza for answers. “What is wrong?” He asked.
“Frances has heard that Philip has promised to duel with George Eacker tomorrow. In Weehawken,” Maria explained.
John immediately loosened his grip on Frances out of shock. “You cannot be serious,” he said. “Why did he agree to a duel? What did he say?”
“It is not what Philip said, it is what George said,” Frances replied, looking at the three of them anxiously. “He spoke ill of Uncle Alex.”
“Philip knows better than to duel over something that can be solved with words,” John said firmly. “Do you want to talk to him, Eliza, or should I?”
His sister considered the question, then resolved, “I’d like you to speak to him. I think I would only succeed at making him feel guilty for his choice. I do not understand why men choose to duel, and perhaps it is something that you can relate to.” Frances looked at her father quizzically, but John did not acknowledge her silent question. “John, perhaps you should tell Philip more about his father. I think it may help.”
John set his lips into a line and nodded, “It is time. Philip deserves to know.”
“What do I deserve to know?” Philip asked, walking in from the back door of the house. All four of them snapped their heads toward his direction.
“Do you really mean to duel with George Eacker tomorrow?” His mother asked.
“Frances!” John immediately exclaimed, the rest of his scolding on the tip of his tongue.
“Do not yell at your cousin, she was right to tell us,” Maria reprimanded. “You could die, Philip. It is not a game.”
“I am well aware of the consequences of dueling,” Philip seethed.
John grabbed the boy by the arm. “Let us take a walk. Just the two of us,” he commanded, leaving no room for an argument from anyone in the room. They walked out the front door without another word, and once they were properly outside, Philip shrugged him off.
“I do not need a lecture,” he said.
“Well, good, because I have no plans to lecture you,” John replied, beginning to walk down the road. Philip begrudgingly followed him. “I would, however, like to know why you feel that a duel with this man is your only option.”
“He slandered my father and would not apologize for his words. It is about honor, especially because my father is not here to fight for himself.”
John nodded. “Your father and I did not agree on much, but we both had a firm grasp around what was considered honorable. I understand where you are coming from. Did you know that I participated in a duel when your father and I were fighting in the war?”
Philip, having been keeping a steady gaze on the pebbles of the path, perked up immediately at John’s revelation. “You did? But I thought you hated confrontation.”
John stifled a laugh. “I was a better shot than Alex if you can believe it. Your father’s genius was in his strategy, not his brawn.”
“Why did you duel with your fellow soldier?”
“He spoke ill of Alex’s father, the General.”
Philip looked confused. “But everyone loves him.”
“It was wartime. Everyone had their opinions about the best way to win, and we were not a proper country with a proper government yet. Around the time that I dueled him, it looked as if we were going to lose,” John shrugged.
Philip paused. “Did you kill the man?”
John shook his head. “His bullet struck me in the side. I almost died, and probably would have if it were not for the care of your father.” He could feel Philip’s eyes burning a hole in his head, but he continued to stare straight ahead and walk down the path. “Philip, I was on the dueling ground when your father died. Duels are a dangerous game. You’re much too young to let your life go to waste at the hand of someone who said something foul about a man that is not even alive.”
“That is the very point! If my father were here, he would do it himself! It is my opportunity to defend him!”
John took in a deep breath and tried to find some clarity in the situation. He knew convincing Philip would be difficult – he was so much like his father – but this duel was unnecessary. Alex simply did not need defending any longer.
“Come with me,” he said. “We are going back to the house. I want to show you something.”
Philip made a face of displeasure but followed him anyway. “I did not even get to know him, Uncle John. It is not fair. I want to honor him in this way. Please do not continue to try to talk me out of it.”
“I am not trying to talk you out of a thing. I am sure it is your father’s greatest regret that he did not get to know you, Philip. He loved you so very much. I am certain he would not approve of this, and so I am just trying to be his voice,” John replied earnestly.
“How would you know? You are not my father” he grumbled.
John glanced at Philip and saw him for what he truly was – a boy. He was nineteen, but still a child in so many ways. John was certain that at nineteen he himself did not feel a bit like a child at all. At nineteen, Alex had already trekked to America and created an entirely new life for himself. But still, if he were to look back at he and Alex’s likenesses at nineteen, he was now certain that he would see two boys without a clue of what they were doing.
He could not let Philip die. He would not be able to live with himself.
They walked in silence for a bit until they reached the front porch of the house. “Wait here,” John said. He then quickly made his way to the bedroom and took out Philip’s letter from Alex out of its hiding spot and tucked it into his jacket pocket.
When he sat down with Philip on the steps, he made a point to choose his words carefully. “Philip, your father was my other half. I know it is probably hard for you to comprehend. He has been gone for so many long years.” John cleared his throat of the emotion that was starting to rear its head. “I knew him better than I knew anyone else in existence, so I know he did not leave you or your mother without cause. This duel that is in his name? He would recoil at the concept. He would not want you to live or die for him.”
John’s serious tone and romantic language startled Philip. He considered his uncle’s words, and then asked, “Do you know why he dueled? Mother won’t speak of it. She has always told me that the time would come to discuss it. I believe that time is now, don’t you?”
“I do,” John answered. He paused, nervous for how the information might affect his nephew. Not to mention, he had not spoken the words aloud in years. “Aaron Burr killed Alexander in the name of honor. Your father was a large political opponent for Burr, and he had information that would have ruined our family’s life. Burr gave Alex a choice – either they dueled, or Aaron would go to the police with his blackmail.”
Philip’s eyes widened. “What was his blackmail?”
“I will let him tell you himself. He hoped that someday we would discuss it,” John replied, pulling the letter out of his jacket. As Philip held it in his hands, he stared at Alex’s handwriting on the front. “Do not live for the sake of your father, Philip. Live in spite of him. He would have wanted you to have a long, illustrious life.”
Philip nodded slightly but seemed frozen in fear at reading Alex’s words. “Do you want me to walk away? I will give you the space,” John continued.
“No,” he replied with a shake of his head. “Stay. Please.”
John stayed by Philip’s side as he read through the letter, his prose slanted in the rush of writing it in the dead of night.
My Dear Philip,
If you are reading this letter, it means that I have gone to the angels and am watching you down from above. I am certain that you have grown to be a smart and capable man with limitless potential. I wish I could tell you in person how proud I am of you. I love you, my son. I hope that even in my absence you know that to be true.
John watched Philip read but spared him the privacy of reading it himself. Seeing Alex’s handwriting just about brought him to tears. He had sifted through Alex’s work for years, but it had been a long time since he had read something personal and new. Although he had always wanted to, he never read the letters that Alex wrote to the children.
For many paragraphs, Alex explained why he was going to duel, and how he thought it was a practice that should be avoided at all costs. Then, he explained why he had no other choice than to do it himself.
I believe your mother, Maria, and John will have raised you to know that it is important to be accepting of people for all that they are. I hope you will accept me when I tell you that your Uncle John was the love of my life. If your immediate reaction is to be angry for your mother’s sake, I want you to know that she has been aware of this for our entire relationship. She was still one of my best friends, and a love in my life. I hope you love her as ferociously as I did.
Still, I loved John differently than I loved your mother. It was inevitable. We were made for each other and loved each other deeply. We knew we could not live in the open and managed to hide our relationship from the public for years until very recently. Aaron Burr has discovered our secret and has threatened to tell the police of our love, which would result in our arrest if we were to be found guilty. I will sacrifice a lot of things, Philip, but I will not sacrifice my integrity. If I were to go to jail for who I loved, then everything I have achieved will be marred by that fact. It is ludicrous, but it is our reality. I had no choice but to stand up to Aaron Burr for the sake of our family, my love, and our legacy. I hope you understand.
Whoever you are, Philip, please know you are loved completely. I lost my mother when I was very young, and I spent my whole life haunted by her death. I beg you to not take after me in this way. Live your own life. Create your own legacy. You are more than capable of it.
We will see each other again someday. I hope you will have a lot to tell me. I love you more than words can express.
Forever,
Dad
Philip blinked a few times and then finally looked up at John, who admittedly was close to losing his lunch waiting for the boy’s response.
“You loved my father?” Philip asked. John thought about how young he sounded, and suddenly found himself at a loss for words. He set his lips in a line and nodded in response. “I will admit that is something I never considered.”
“I am sure you will have questions, and I will answer them all, but I hope your father has convinced you of something that I have not succeeded at. You do not need to fight for him. He spent his whole life fighting, and it is not something he ever wanted for you.”
“I do not understand, but I do not want to give my life for a man that I did not even truly know,” Philip said with quasi-sadness. “I want to read more of his letters and writings. I want to know him completely.”
“Of course. You can read anything you like,” John replied. After a pause, he then asked, “Are you angry with us? I would understand it if you were. It is a lot to handle all at once.”
Philip shook his head. “Mother used to always remind me of the ways in which the odds were stacked against my father as an immigrant and a bastard. Then, she would remind me that we should not judge people for the things they cannot control, because you have no idea what they are capable of.” Philip looked at John from the corner of his eye. “I assume that if you could have chosen differently, you would have. It could not have been easy.”
John considered this for a moment. “You are right that it was not a choice for me to love a man, but knowing what I know now, I would never choose to not be with your father. He was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.”
They spoke back and forth for a long time on the front porch, and Philip asked all of the burning questions he could muster up. When he had finally had enough and John was exhausted by the opportunity to relive all of his best and worst memories of Alex, they retreated back inside. Philip went straight to his mother and wrapped her in a hug, all of his emotions about the situation on display.
“I am not going to duel, Mom,” he said quietly. “I am not going to leave you.”
“My son…” Eliza whispered back. “You have his eyes, you know. I see him in you every day.”
How lucky we are to be alive right now, John thought.
Fin.