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There was some shuffling, and then the sound of the hatch opening.
It was the first thing that Jensen heard as he was woken from a dead sleep, feeling like his body wouldn't respond to commands. He grunted and rolled over across the blankets, tired from a long day in the late autumn heat. Even with summer past and moving into the beginnings of autumn, the heat remained, not in motion now but heavy and stagnant, hanging over the woods and between the trees, unmoving and oppressive. It was a damp heat, making for long, sweaty days filled with irritating stinging insects, and even the betas walked with their heads hanging, mouths open to pant as they forced themselves to continue their patrols.
The first of the mass hunts was scheduled for tomorrow -- not just one but three hunting groups going out, and Jensen was to accompany them, coordinate the hunters to bring down as much prey as they could, all of it to be salted and preserved for the winter. It's almost too hot to move, at the moment, but it wouldn't be long until the temperatures dipped and the fish grew scarce and the animals of the forest retired to their dens. There'd be five more mass hunts before the snows hit, filling their stores almost to bursting before the winter's miserly touch pulled them lean.
As alpha, Jensen had been wrapped up in everything, working from the time he woke until he rolled into bed, and he was tired and damp with sweat, his body reluctant to move. He was sticky and miserable, and he just wanted to sleep, but on the other side of their darkened room, Jensen's mate was moving around, his noises quiet, but still more than enough to rouse someone who'd been trained to hunt and fight. The dominant cracked open an eye, just enough to see Jared descending the ladder to the landing, their sleeping cub held in his hands. Tristan's eyes were shut, limp with childish trust, deep in his hazy rest, and Jensen envied him the ability to sleep through almost anything. Jensen blinked a few times, debating getting up, asking what was happening, but in the end he just let himself collapse back against the blankets, limbs spread out widely.
Whatever was happening, Jared would take care of it.
Jensen wandered the landscape between wakefulness and sleep, always aware, in the back of his head, that his mate wasn't there -- resting, knowing all was well, but unable to turn his brain off completely without the firm knowledge that his Skybreaker was safe and where he should be. Time passed uncountable, minutes lost to half-dreams before Jensen was roused by Jared's hands on his body, his mate nosing in playfully to nip and encourage, and Jensen grumbled in displeasure.
"I put Tristan in his bed downstairs..." the fertile murmured and Jensen just grunted once, noncommittally. Jared had made up a second bed of blankets on the landing underneath their attic room, setting it up weeks ago, back when he'd first moved into the main house with Jensen. Jensen had been content with just putting Tristan on the other side of the room when he and Jared wanted to be intimate -- after all, Tristan was just a baby. And asleep. It wasn't like he cared if his parents were shuffling around under some blankets.
But Jared was scandalized by the notion(he was also scandalized by the idea of mating in public, and many many other things that Jensen didn't understand), and had firmly declared that Tristan would be moved down below them whenever they wanted to mate. Or 'get some tail' as Jared liked to call it, which baffled Jensen because Jared still wouldn't let them mate in their true forms.
"Wanna," Jared murmured, and Jensen hummed, feeling his fertile press his nose in against Jensen's ear and the gentle whuff of his breath. Jensen was tired, and tomorrow he would have to be up early, joining in on the hunt, all his concentration on their prey, on coordinating the pride to run, to hide, to pounce. To flank and guide their prey and bring down as many pounds of meat as they could.
But his mate was pressing in, and the swell of his belly was pressing to Jensen's back, the curve so tempting and sensual, and Jensen already knew he wouldn't be saying no.
He sighed out, rolling over unsteadily, his weary body waking up despite his better judgment. Jared moved just enough to let Jensen up, and then was snuggling in again. Jensen groused but pulled the other ailure in anyways.
This was what he got for taking such a young mate -- Jared was nineteen, and with that came a strong desire for sex, and the energy to back it up. Jensen couldn't deny the little twinge of pleasure at the knowledge that he was Jared's only sexual partner, thus far, but it also meant that he was the one handling the younger ailure's first excited forays into sex. Not that that made Jared innocent. As inexperienced as he was, he came from a human background and Jared had taught Jensen all kinds of things he'd never before thought to do. Humans, it seemed, were quite inventive when it came to their bodies. The ailure, in comparison, enjoyed sex just as much, but it was a straightforward act, and one than Jensen had never questioned before Jared.
Before Jared and his 'blow jobs' and 'hand jobs' and, Jensen's favorite, 'foreplay.'
The only problem was that Jared's preconceived notions of sex were entirely human, and that meant entirely centered around the idea of him being a dominant. It wasn't that Jensen minded -- he was curious by nature, and enjoyed learning how to take Jared in his mouth, how to please him in different ways. The only problem was that it wasn't that Jared preferred the attention paid to his cock, it was that that was the only way he had ever thought of doing it. And while Jensen could get his mate off like that, he also knew that Jared was still trying to fight his nature, thinking that if he could deny himself long enough, he would magically cease to be a fertile. It didn't matter that Jared came twice as hard with Jensen inside of him, the human-raised ailure was always embarrassed at first, always uncertain -- asking for what he needed as if it was something to be ashamed of.
Jensen had been doing what he could to show Jared how to enjoy his body. The alpha may not have known much about human sexual practices, but he knew how to please a fertile, how to speak to the needs of their bodies, and Jared, in denial of his fertile nature for so long, had had no idea. In the night, when Jared was most comfortable talking about all his insecurities, the young saber had confided to Jensen that he'd never thought he'd like anything inside of him, that it wasn't something that young human men discussed much -- apparently it was thought to be degrading, something that was just too foreign for Jensen to understand. Jared still had those hang ups about it, but Jensen could tell, already, what kind of night it was going to be.
Jared was nuzzling in under Jensen's chin, nosing at him like an impatient and cheeky cub, not taking the lead as he did when he wanted to do something different, when he wanted to dictate their sex. Jensen wasn't so insecure as a dominant to have a problem with letting Jared lead, letting him ask and instruct. But Jared's body also had its own demands -- ones that Jared himself was afraid of making. Jensen would never fully understand why, but he understood enough that his mate needed time, needed careful handling.
He needed Jensen to treat him as a fertile, without Jensen letting him feel ashamed of that. He needed Jensen to take control, to ease those life long discomforts bred by a lifetime thinking that he was something he wasn't.
Jensen rolled Jared onto his back, crouching over him.
"Shh," he murmured, leaning in to nip his mate's neck, feeling Jared untense slowly, relax into him. With any other fertile, Jensen would have just moved straight to the main event. Jared didn't like that though. He tensed up and didn't enjoy it, started berating himself in his head. Jensen always needed to ease him into it, show him that he was safe, that there was no one here but Jensen, and he would never judge his mate for simply following his nature.
Jared squirmed, too many things on his mind, too many demands vying for attention, and Jensen knew how to quiet him. Two months of being together, one of being mates, and Jensen was still learning about his strange fertile, but he'd learned this much: Jared overthought things, incessantly. He was always at war within himself, his body undeniably ailure but his mind undeniably human, and the two of them in near constant conflict.
Sometimes, like tonight, he just wanted Jensen to take charge, to comfort him and not allow him to go too deep into himself. To accept that his body wanted something, and that something was okay to want.
Jensen made his way down his mate's body, pausing to sniff at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, at his armpit, along his side, until Jensen came to the beautiful swell of his belly. It wasn't big. Just two inches out from where it had been. But those were Jensen's children in there, tiny and growing. His children, inside of his mate, and he'd given up on ever finding one. Once he'd become alpha, he'd felt guilty vying for one of his own fertiles, when they depended on him to watch after them and the pride. It felt almost as if he were asking for some kind of payment, and that made it seem dirty. Cheap.
Besides, he'd always had trouble bonding with others. The reason that he and Misha had become friends was entirely because of Misha and his persistence, and not at all because of Jensen.
It was somehow fitting that the only mate that Jensen wanted was something so rare as to be impossible. The last Skybreaker fertile.
Jensen ran his tongue over Jared's stomach, the skin warm and smooth, and somewhere under it were little halfbreeds -- half cougar, half saber. Jensen hoped that they would carry their mother's beautiful markings. He couldn't help but feel a little chuffed at the thought. His children, with Dawnbringer marks on their coats.
His body was urging him to get on with it. He could feel himself growing harder, but he ignored it, pushed it down. Jared never really enjoyed fast and sudden, and Jensen wasn't so selfish as to only take his own pleasure. Besides, Jared had converted him at this point -- foreplay was nice. The noises he could eke out of his lover well worth the wait.
So he stayed where he was, running his tongue over that taut flesh, feeling it swell with breath, listening to Jared gasp, and Jensen groomed him, licking his belly until it was wet and clean. Jensen imagined the months ahead, when his children would grow bigger, and Jared grow bigger with them, and Jensen would be able to feel their little movements within. The idea filled him with warmth.
"Relax," he commanded softly, moving one hand to cover that tender stomach, fingers splayed. Jared didn't say anything, just rested his head back and shut his eyes, trying to let go. Jensen knew it would take more than just a word. He rubbed his mate's stomach, feeling the muscles rhythmically tense and shift, and the butt of his palm occasionally brushed Jared's hardness.
He'd never before known that male fertiles would enjoy having their erections touched. He would have paid more attention to Thomas, if he had. Any other night, he would have spent time with his hand or lips wrapped around Jared's length, but that wasn't what Jared wanted tonight. Instead, Jensen's hand slid back, between his mate's thighs, and down between them.
When he found Jared's entrance, it was already a little damp, but Jensen could do better. He rubbed the pad of one finger gently against the tensed muscle, a slow, circular motion, until he heard Jared moan -- a high, breathy sound of surrender -- and his finger slipped inside, feeling moisture build and run over his skin.
"Christ," Jared moaned, and it wasn't a good sound, this time. The saber rolled onto his side, beginning to hide his face away. This wasn't new, and Jensen cursed, never knowing when it would hit or what would start it off, Jared's mind a minefield of unexpected triggers. For reasons surpassing understanding, Jared was ashamed of his slick. When Jensen had finally gotten his mate to talk about it, Jared had mumbled about it being "freaky" and "wrong", which Jensen just didn't understand. Without the moisture, it would hurt both Jared and Jensen to have sex.
But it wasn't like Jensen didn't understand feeling things that didn't make sense. He'd spent so long pushing away the people who loved him, the people who could help him, back when he was in mourning, and his job now wasn't to question Jared on logic(because there was none) but to comfort as best he could.
"Shh, hush, it's alright..." He reached up with his free hand, covering Jared's shoulder, the younger ailure laying on his side now, twisted around Jensen's finger. "It's okay."
Jared curled in a little, eyes shut, but Jensen knew his mate wasn't trying to shut him out. He was just scared.
"It's alright..." He leaned down, shifting his body, kissing Jared's thigh, slipping another finger into his mate's body, hearing Jared's breath hitch, feeling the body before him part, fingers sliding through the wetness there. He rubbed gently inside of the boy, determined to have him twist his way to an orgasm before Jensen pushed in.
He'd never had sex like this before Jared. When sex had just been about mounting his partner, it was over once Jensen was finished, because he wouldn't be able to become hard again until he'd rested some. It wasn't that he took his own pleasure without thinking of his partner. The fertiles he'd been with before had always come. It was just that Jensen had never gotten to know that fertiles could come and come, back to back, and that he could bring them to that edge over and over, before he ever came himself.
Jensen would have never known, without Jared, how much he loved that.
"That's it," he murmured, moving up to kiss the slight dip of Jared's waist, his lover twisted to the side. Jared was breathing fast, and he whined, eyes still shut and brow still furrowed -- still conflicted. Jensen frowned. It came and went, his mate's inner battle. But they'd had plenty of sex in the last two months, and sometimes Jared let Jensen mount him without any real anxiety. And it hadn't been this bad in awhile. Usually by now Jared was into it, too turned on to think.
Tonight, something else was on Jared's mind.
Jensen didn't ask. Not right now. Jared had woken him in the middle of the night and asked him for this. Had asked for Jensen to settle him, to show him, body to body, that there was nothing wrong with him. That he was still wanted.
Jensen's fingers slipped through Jared's moisture, feeling it build and grow, wet against his knuckles, and he murmured encouragements into his mate's skin, eyes focused on the alluring bulge of Jared's stomach, turned on by his mate's fertility, and his mate's willingness to bear them young. He drew back a bit, and was surprised to hear Jared almost whimper.
"Come on... Roll over," he encouraged, getting Jared to shift onto his stomach, getting his knees under him and pushing his hips up. The fertile's cheek was still resting against their blankets, one arm curled under him, the other folded up against his side, fingers next to his mouth. His back sloped upwards, an elegant concave arch, his spine curving up towards Jensen, behind Jared's propped up hips. It was a position of trust, and it always amazed Jensen just how trusting the fertile were. Dominants fought and hunted, and when two of them fucked they never turned their backs on each other, but the fertile would just open themselves, leave themselves so bare and vulnerable. Jensen couldn't conceive of ever betraying a trust like that.
He understood, with crystal clarity, in moments like these, why his ancestors had made it one of the most heinous crimes to harm a fertile.
He winced a little, remembering punching Jared, and he'd avoided banishment, or worse, only through Jared's forgiveness. It had taken longer to earn back the trust of his betas.
He found the boney point of his mate's pelvis in grateful recognition, nuzzling it as his fingers pushed back in, the skin of his fertile's entrance soft and wet. He heard Jared suck in a breath, his hips pulling away for a second, then pushing back. Jensen bit back his own sound of pleasure, parting his fingers to push against Jared's inner walls. He'd never imagined before how much he'd love this, just pushing two fingers in and out of his mate, over and over again, seeking out all the little spots that Jared loved but refused to talk about. When he pressed down on the one spot, the best spot, Jared would make a delicious sound and his muscles would clench, pushing out a fresh amount of slick.
After a few minutes, Jensen drew back a little, just enough to see the way the moonlight hit Jared's skin, and Jensen hissed, his cock throbbing heavily when he saw the line of moisture running down from Jared's entrance. It ran down his inner thigh, all the way to the knee, thin, long lines, wet and gorgeous. Jensen gave a particularly hard thrust with his fingers, watching Jared's hips jump, crooking his fingers deep inside.
"Jensen..." his mate murmured, voice too tender and close to breaking.
"It's alright..." Jensen's brow furrowed, and he had to check. "It feels good, doesn't it?"
"Yeah...Yeah."
"You wanted this, right?" He just needed to hear Jared say it, always careful with his mate, so young and still carrying so much hurt with him. He'd hate it if he'd misread Jared's signals.
"...y-yeah." Jared's hips moved again. "I just--"
"What?"
"Feel like I shouldn't."
Jensen frowned. His fingers pushed apart, then back together, further, deeper in, rubbing as deep into Jared as he could, trying to coax out every little sensation he could. It had been awhile since it'd been like this -- Jared needing to be spent to speak.
"There's nothing wrong with this. Nothing wrong with you."
"Mmn," Jared made a sound of discomfort, twisting as if the words bothered him, as if he couldn't stand to believe that. Jensen's fingers twisted, a sharp motion that had Jared crying out weakly, muscles fluttering and slick building up, dripping down Jensen's hand. "Oh fuck..." Jared held his breath a moment, gritting his teeth through the pleasure before he could respond. "Feels like there is. I just--..."
Jensen frowned, hating when it got this bad -- when whatever pressure it was that lived in Jared's head built and built to the point where his fertile lost himself, got to the point where he fought his body, where he hated the things he wanted but wanted them anyways. Jensen moved his fingers faster, firmer, determined now to bring his mate to climax, hoping to give him some of that freedom. Jared's noises built as Jensen increased pressure against the right spot inside of him, working him furiously, Jared's back arching and bowing in succession, stomach tensing with moans and pleas. Then Jensen felt the muscles around him twitch and shudder, and thick moisture push out around his knuckles, Jared soaking with orgasm.
Jensen finally felt his mate begin to go limp, muscles relaxing one after the other, resting down against his knees, his hips still raised and back sloped. He was breathing hard, and Jensen pulled his fingers back with a slick noise. He didn't miss Jared's wince.
"What...? What could you be ashamed of, in this?" Jensen was frowning, unable to see, in that moment, what Jared could possibly see as wrong with his body. He was stunningly beautiful -- lean and young, his stomach gently bulging with pregnancy, his entrance and thighs glistening with evidence of his pleasure. A fertile slack in the wake of orgasm. Nothing could quite compare.
"...I just... I don't know how you could like this."
"This? Sex with you?" Jensen's frown deepened.
"No..." Jared panted, lifting himself just enough to look over his shoulder. "I'm just--...I'm all..."
Jensen leaned down, breathing in his mate's scent, heady and alluring, trying to tempt him in. He ran his tongue over Jared's entrance, tasting the moisture -- just slightly sweet, and Jensen's body reacted instinctually, cock twitching with the scent of a fertile thick in his nose. Jared gasped at the touch of Jensen's tongue, body tensing again.
"...I feel like I'm not a guy or a girl," he murmured, finally, and Jensen pulled back to listen. "I like this -- us, together. But I... It feels like this should be wrong."
"Why does it have to be wrong...?" he asked, the ways of humans still mostly unknown to him, even if he was discovering, through Jared.
"Boys aren't supposed to get wet," Jared replied almost instantly, voice laced with guilt, as if it were his fault that his body worked the way it did. As if it were some kind of crime, and Jensen's heart ached. He rubbed the rise of his lover's hip, the motion intended as comforting. Jensen couldn't just tell him it wasn't wrong, as much as he wanted to. He'd said that before. He'd said it a hundred times. He wasn't naive enough to think that just two months of telling Jared different was going to undo seventeen years. On a night like this, he had to demonstrate.
"I love that you get wet for me... I love that you let me have you like this. Will you let me...?" he murmured, shifting closer.
"...yeah," Jared whispered, thick and needy, this the thing that he'd woken Jensen for. The undeniable, physical proof that Jensen wanted him. Jensen proving it to him with every thrust.
Jensen moved in close behind him, hands coming to rest on either side of his mate's chest, Jensen on hands and knees with Jared under him, hips up and head down. He angled up behind him, nudging around until he felt the wet clutch of his mate's body.
"Beautiful like this, Jared..." Jensen leaned down, pressing his nose in behind his mate's ear. The idea that he got this, that he got to have Jared, the last fertile Dawnbringer and a spectacular fertile in his own right -- it blew Jensen's mind. It amazed him when he woke up and found Jared asleep in his arms, amazed him when he returned from meeting with the betas to find his mate and son playing together, the sunlight shimmering off of Jared's silvery coat, amazed him at moments like this, when his fertile was arching up to him, responsive and sweet, carrying their children with such grace and fortitude. Jared was a fertile that any dominant would be honored to have, even if he weren't one of the last sabers in the world. The idea that Jared could be unwantable, could be undesirable, was preposterous.
Jensen kissed behind the other ailure's ear, snuffling through his thick hair to find his neck, purring quietly as he licked and groomed that skin, making the hair wet at the tips. The licks were lazy and continuous, slow rolls of his tongue against skin and hair, pausing only when he began to push himself in, part Jared's body and fill him. Jared made a quiet sound, one that Jensen only heard because of how close he was, and the alpha pushed deeper, pushed until his hips rested against his mate's backside, the two of them joined. Jared's body was warm and wet, perfect, snug around Jensen but loosened from their foreplay. Jared was shaking a little, and protectiveness swelled up in Jensen's chest.
He knew it was unfair to blame anyone for the mess in his mate's head, that no one had ever intended to hurt Jared, but he couldn't fathom someone looking at this fertile, so naturally sweet and gentle, and asking him to be anything other than what he was. Ask him to be harder, firmer, more closed off.
"Trust me," Jensen murmured, wanting his mate to give in fully, to capitulate, because Jared had asked him to get him there. Jared needed Jensen to break him down, until he could just be himself, without any pretense or any voice in his head telling him that there was something wrong with him. "Yield, my saber...Please."
Jensen licked him again, licked his back and neck and behind his ear, murmuring his pleas against Jared's nape, and then he felt it -- felt the fertile go limp, not fighting against himself anymore, and felt him lean back, press into Jensen's body. Jensen shuddered, unable to control the undisguised lust that rolled through him at that, and not wanting to. He jerked forward, flesh meeting flesh, and he growled lowly, affectionately, a long rumble in his chest, as possessive as it was loving.
At thirty five he'd never expected to find his mate. He'd never expected to be so wrapped up in just one person, and he wondered if all mateships were like this -- if all dominants adored their fertile mates as much as Jensen adored Jared.
The thrusts were slow and deep at first, needing to be as far inside of Jared as he could get, each movement slick and easy. Jensen's hands pressed to the blankets, and he balled them into fists, resting on his knuckles, the muscles in his thighs working hard to move himself, until he couldn't hold on to control. Jared was pliant and relaxed, moaning so quietly that they were almost whimpers, accepting the roll of Jensen's hips. There was never a moment when Jared was his inferior. It was only Jared, as good and kind as always, asking for someone to take control away from him, until he could indulge in his nature without fear.
Asking Jensen to prove, physically, that he was desirable like this, wet and open and willing.
Jensen managed to hold his own orgasm off only until Jared came again, feeling the fertile tense and groan, his breath stuttering, muscles clenching around Jensen, and the dominant panted. He thrust in hard, and couldn't fight his instincts, yanking himself out in the midst of his orgasm, the last two strings of seed landing half on Jared's thighs and half on the blankets. He could see his mate's entrance clenching empty, grasping for something that wasn't there anymore, and Jared gasped in air, a third orgasm rolling in the wake of the second.
Jared's body was sweaty and tired, and Jensen moved forward, crawling through the blankets to grasp his mate's waist, tugging the fertile over onto his side, Jensen pressed up behind him. He pulled then away from the wet spot -- male fertile's spend was weak and almost clear, not as much liquid there as a dominant would put out, but after three orgasms, it would still be unpleasant to lay in.
Jared was breathing hard, body slowly beginning to wind down, Jensen's nose pressed into his sweaty curls, breathing in that salty, satisfied scent. But Jensen had no intention of just letting this go. Like this, pliant and fucked out, was the only way he was going to be able to get Jared to talk.
Jared surprised him by being the first to speak, even if it was off topic.
"You know..." he breathed out, soft between pants. "You don't actually have to pull out that quick... You could actually stay for a minute or two. I'm not a come sock."
Jensen had no idea what a 'come sock' was. He ignored it.
Instead, he let a hand creep down, hearing Jared hiss as Jensen's fingers sunk into his mate again, smirking at the feel of their fluids mixing together.
"Christ, you're a kinky fucker..." Jared complained.
"Then you shouldn't have taught me to finger you," Jensen replied quickly, with a self-satisfied little smirk on his face. Jared just huffed a laugh and went still, and Jensen pushed his free arm under Jared's head, letting the other man use it as a pillow. His fingers were still in him, but motionless now, strange but less sexual and more intimate.
"Jared..." he murmured, nosing in close. "What's wrong?"
"What do you mean...?" the fertile responded, the deflection obvious in his voice, and Jensen huffed.
"I'm not an idiot. Something's up. As much as I would love to think that you just wanted me to fuck you stupid, I know that's not it. Something's bothering you, and I loved the sex, I did...But I still want to know what's wrong."
Jared let out a long breath, not replying, and it was a toss up whether or not he'd actually respond to that. As gentle and good natured as Jared was, it didn't mean he was weak or a push over -- not by any stretch of the imagination. Jared was stubborn and strong willed, as beautiful in his fiery determination as he was in his trusting capitulation. Jensen had chosen a mate who would make him work for every inch, and he relished the challenge -- loved that his mate was someone as strong and willful as himself.
After a few minutes of silence in their attic, the buzz of the autumn cicadas a low hum from the outside, Jensen was about ready to admit to losing, that the sex, as physically exhausting as it had been, hadn't been enough to bring down Jared's shields. But just as he was about to adjust, to give in and just go to sleep, Jared's voice broke the still, low enough to just be a rumble in his chest.
"I've been...thinking. About calling my family."
Jensen pulled his fingers back carefully, and Jared made a little sound. The alpha lay his arm over his mate's waist, laying front to back, skin to skin, despite the heat.
"It's just," Jared continued. "It's been a long time, and you're right, they're worried. And...even if Brandon hates me now, that doesn't mean I should punish Mom or Dad or Daniel...But I'm just-- I'm really fucking scared, Jensen-- I'm really fucking scared."
Jensen felt his heart tug, and he tightened his arms, lifting the one that was under Jared's head, placing his forearm across Jared's shoulders, pulling the fertile back against him, holding him firmly.
He wasn't sure what to say to that, because he wanted to be reassuring. He wanted to tell Jared that it was all going to be okay, except...he didn't actually know that. He had no idea how it would turn out. He liked to think that Jared's family would love him no matter what, but he didn't actually know any of them. Jared had only ever said good things about them, had told Jensen what loving parents his mom and dad had been, and how close he was to his brothers, even if Daniel was kind of a pain. It sounded like family. Like pride.
But for all Jared had said, Jensen had never met any of them, and while he wanted to give his mate hope, he didn't want it to be false.
"No matter what, you will always have us. We are your pride."
"I know..." Jared's hand shifted, moved to cover Jensen's over his waist. "I know you guys are, and I don't even have words for how much that means to me, it's just... I want them too. Is that...selfish?"
"No, Jared..." Jensen kissed his mate's bare shoulder. "You love them. Of course you want them to love you back. I don't see how they couldn't. I love you."
Jared snorted, but it was a sound that edged on a laugh, and Jensen smiled slightly. He sobered though, when he spoke again.
"I think it's good. Calling them. Whatever you need me to do. I want you to find some peace, Jared. You deserve it, after all you've been through."
"I haven't been through that much. I never lost any kids..." He squeezed Jensen's hand.
"No... But that doesn't make your problems invisible, or inferior. They're your family, and you're still hurting over this. I don't like seeing you hurt, and I'll do whatever I can to make things better."
"They're not going to like the whole...pregnancy thing." Jared's tone was a little strained, and Jensen moved his hand up slightly, settling his palm over the smooth bump, Jared's own hand still against the back of Jensen's. The alpha drank in the feeling that he was protecting his children, somehow, cradling them even when they were already sheltered in their mother's body.
"Because men don't have children," Jensen replied, though it was half a question, still attempting to understand the nuances of how those biological factors impacted the way that humans looked at the world.
"That, yeah... And the fact that I'm pregnant necessitates sex with a guy. My family's from the midwest. It's not like my parents were close minded or anything but...you know. They're a product of their time. Their culture. Hell, compared to most of the ranchers that lived around us, they were pretty damned liberal. But midwest liberal isn't exactly the same as coast liberal, you know?"
Jensen didn't know. Jared was talking in human terms again, talking about things that made sense to humans, and Jensen knew all the words, knew what each of them meant individually, but when Jared strung them together, sometimes, Jensen found himself lost. It involved too many preconceptions and cultural morays that depended on an innate understanding that Jensen lacked.
"I'm... Your parents wouldn't like that I'm male?" he tried, managing to have snatched that much.
"It's not that they won't like it. It's that they won't get it, you know--...no, okay, you don't know. Humans...They pretty much just like a guy with a girl. The other combos...not so much. I mean, there are a lot of people that're okay with it. It's not like everyone thinks the same thing. It's just, I come from a place where people are...less okay with it. And my parents, if I hadn't run away, and I'd come out as gay, they wouldn't have hated me or anything, but it would have upset them. They wouldn't have understood. They would have had a hard time with it. And it's going to be even harder to explain to them 'Oh, I'm not gay. Or straight. I'm dominant-sexual.' "
Jensen knew he was missing something here.
"I thought... Gay means happy, doesn't it?"
Jared laughed then, and Jensen was at least glad that it sounded genuine, not hurt or self-deprecating.
"Oh, honey, we need to get you an urban dictionary or something... You can't get all your human terminology from an ancient copy of Gray's Anatomy and Walt Whitman. You're kind of...dated."
Jensen gave a little growl and bit Jared's shoulder, and Jared chuckled, shrugging his shoulder up into the playful possessive motion. Jensen felt his mate's skin shift under his teeth, licking the little indents he left when he pulled back. He wasn't stupid -- he just didn't understand!
"It's...complex," Jared finally continued, more serious, relaxing into Jensen's grooming. "It's one of those things I could sit here all night talking about how humans think about these things but...At the end of the day, they're not going to understand the guy thing, and they're definitely not going to understand, or maybe even believe the pregnant thing. And I'm just...I'm scared."
"...I know you are, lovely. I wish I could promise you that it'll work out exactly how you want it to, but all I can guarantee is that, in the end, I will be here. Me, the pride, and Tristan. You have us."
"Yeah." Jared let out a big sigh, his whole body rising with the breath and falling as he exhaled, and Jensen could feel him snuggling back slightly. He obliged by bringing him in even tighter. "And you know, if you meet them, you're going to have to cut it out with the lovey-dovey, girlie-ass nick names, right?"
"And until then?" Jensen smirked.
"...I guess they're alright," Jared grumbled, displeased, and Jensen smiled to himself, kissing the back of his mate's neck. He settled down, thinking the conversation was done, and was surprised to hear Jared's voice again.
"Hey..." the fertile started, sounding a little uneven. "You know, me too."
Jensen blinked, raising an eyebrow, even if Jared couldn't see it, having no idea what the other ailure was talking about.
"Me too," Jared repeated. "With the...love thing."
Jensen smiled.
"I know."
Things would get better with time, when it came to that. Fertiles fell in love as easy as breathing, and Jared was one of the most sensitive fertiles that Jensen had ever met. He wasn't surprised that the boy carried burns from his time with humans, people who loved him but didn't know just how easily he could get hurt. Jensen was more than prepared to wait, willing to sit with patience and earn Jared's trust.
Jensen settled his hand firmly over their children, fingers splayed, more than just grateful to have Jared's affections. He would happily wait to hear them said aloud.
In the meantime, he shut his eyes, and took his rest, secure in the knowledge that Tristan was safe and asleep just below them, and Jensen's mate and their cubs were curled up under the protection of his hands.