Chapter Text
“He did what,” I asked, my head snapping to Tyrion.
“Eddard Stark took the job. He is the new Hand of the King.”
I knew something must have happened after he left me last night for him to change his mind. I was not going to hand that information over to a Lannister, especially the clever one.
“So he’ll be riding back to King’s Landing with us?”
“I suppose he will. Why? Nervous he’ll find out about your suitor,” Tyrion teased, sarcasm lacing his words.
“My marital status will make no difference to him. He is a married man, the Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North, and now the Hand of the King. No matter my feelings, he will never return them.”
“If he did?”
“He would never act on them,” I said solemnly, my face turning to steel.
Tyrion noticed my change in demeanor and laughed.
“You just need someone to fuck your longing for Ned Stark out of you. I’m sure Sandor would be an eager volunteer. Or one of these Northern men if that’s what you’re really longing for. Jory is handsome; the bastard looks just like his father.”
I rolled my eyes and pushed Tyrion’s arm playfully.
“I don’t need a fuck. I need to get back to King’s Landing and drown myself in work and wine.”
“Well, your world will be turning into your greatest fantasy. Ned Stark without his wife being near you every day. A dream come true?”
I scoffed. “More like a nightmare. I haven’t even told him I’m married and by the way he’s treated me, he doesn’t already know.”
In truth, last night was the closure I needed. I received the confirmation that Ned will never betray Catelyn. I never had a chance once Brandon Stark died. I needed to get over my feelings if I were going to strive for a life of happiness..
“Lady Baratheon,” a stern voice said from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Catelyn standing there.
“Lady Stark,” I said with a polite bow of my head. “Last night was a wonderful feast. My compliments to you and your staff.”
“Thank you,” she said, her voice lacking any form of gratitude. “I wasn’t sure if you enjoyed yourself. You disappeared not long after dinner was done. I heard you were out looking for one of the Northern bastards last night.”
Don’t do it, Cassandra. Play nice, do not give this woman any grief. It was never her fault that Ned married her.
“Yes, My Lady. In fact, I wanted to meet your husband’s bastard last night. And I did! A lovely young man. He’s clearly taken after Lord Stark; he looks just like him.”
Dammit, Andra!
Catelyn gave me a tight smile.
“Ned once said the boy reminds him of his mother.”
“Is that so, Lady Stark?” I asked, resting my chin in my palm, tilting my face up towards her. “Tell me, do you see any trace of her in his face?”
I knew it was wrong. I should not be combative with Ned’s wife. Like he said, she’s been good to him. However, I was not going to ever let her feel like she beat me at anything. I knew her goal was to see if Jon was mine. If Ned never told her his true parentage, then I would not give a hint of it either. I would not give her a yes or no answer, but I would let her imagination run wild on the matter.
Catelyn furrowed her brow at my words.
“Oh, has Ned never told you who his mother is? Well, then that is surely not my secret to tell. I will say, however, that boy is Stark through and through.”
“Just without the name,” she said as though it was supposed to be a slight.
“I hear Jon wants to join the Night’s Watch. A name doesn’t matter much to him, I suppose.”
“No, I suppose it doesn’t.” She paused for just a second before continuing. “My reason for coming to you is that King Robert is heading out for a hunting party. He was adamant that you know as soon as possible.”
“Thank you, Lady Stark. I’ll be on my way then. Tyrion, I’ll see you later. Have fun with your company,” I teased with a wink before standing up.
“Going? Where are you going?”
Tyrion nearly choked on his drink trying to stifle a laugh. I turned to Catelyn.
“With my brother, of course. I am always in his hunting parties.”
“I find that to be improper, don’t you? A lone lady riding in a hunting party with only men?”
“Lady Catelyn, I fought along side my brother and your husband during the rebellion. I have disemboweled many men, horses, and more. I once had to cover myself in manure to keep Targaryen hounds from finding me. I give no shits about propriety. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
I took my leave, heading out the main hall doors. I found Robert atop his horse, with Ned next to him. I smiled at the pair.
“It really is refreshing seeing the two of you together again.”
“Come, Sister. Get on your horse. I think Ned had a specific mare in mind for you,” Robert said, gesturing to the other side of Ned.
“You might remember her,” Ned stated, “you were there when she was born.”
“Snowfall,” I exclaimed excitedly. I walked up to the mare, allowing her to sniff my fist before stroking her neck.
Ned’s eldest son handed his father the reins.
“Father, are you sure about this? This mare hasn’t been ridden in years.”
“Lady Baratheon can handle her, Robb. Now, go get Jon and Theon. We’ll be leaving soon.”
Ned slipped off his horse and held out his hand for me.
“Come, Cassandra, allow me to help you into the saddle.” I gladly accepted his help, stepping in his hand and allowing myself to be pushed upwards. I hiked my dress up and swung my leg over Snowfall’s back. He helped smooth out my skirts.
“Are you wearing your riding britches underneath,” he asked, bunching some of the top layer of silk and holding it up. “You’ll hurt later on if you’re not.”
“Of course! I’m no amateur,” I said playfully snatching the reins from him. I lightly pushed his shoulder with my boot, just as I used to when we rode together before. “I’m always prepared to ride. Robert has a habit of dragging me out somewhere whenever he desires.”
Ned let out a low chuckle before mounting his horse once again. We all chattered together while the rest of the preparations were made. Ned had me walk Snowfall around so that he could see how she moved. I guess no one had ridden the mare since I last had. She followed my guiding easily, but I could tell she wanted to run.
“I’ll get a head start,” I said, wanting to get Snowfall her needed exercise.
“Allow me to accompany you, Lady Cassandra,” Jon Snow said, asking a question without asking a question.
My eyebrows rose ever so slightly. Approaching a member of the royal family as a bastard was bold.
It made me like him that much more.
“Of course, Jon. Do try to keep up,” I said with a wink, digging my heels into Snowfalls sides, allowing her to pick up speed.
“Is she still as wild as you remember, Ned?”
“She is, Your Grace. Just as I remember.”
Jon and I galloped for what seemed like eternity. I could feel Snowfall’s excitement as she stretched her legs and worked her muscles.
“Father has never let anyone touch that horse,” Jon called out to me. “He lets her out to exercise himself and she always returns to the stables. I remember Robb tried to sneak her out for a ride once and Father scolded him with such ferocity. I was sure he wanted to hit Robb.”
“When I would come to Winterfell,” I began, “this was my mare. Lyanna, Ned’s sister, and I had been just children when we first found her. She wanted to show me one of the new colts, but when we got there, one of the pregnant mares was preparing to give birth. I sent Lyanna to go tell someone while I tended to the mother’s comfort. Snowfall was born by morning and I built a bond with her. Your grandfather allowed me in Winterfell whenever I wanted, knowing our houses would be tied by marriage at some point. Every time I came here, I sought out Snowfall. Had I known Ned still had her, I may have come sooner. Or I would have purchased her from him and taken her to Storm’s End.”
“Father seems different around you,” Jon stated, after a few brief seconds of silence. He wasn’t accusatory; he seemed more so stating an observation. “He seems lighter. Sometimes he carries himself as though he has the weight of Westeros on his shoulders. Since he saw you yesterday, I’ve noticed he is more relaxed.”
“Being a Warden of the lands is not an easy task, Jon. It can be trying on a man. Sometimes seeing a familiar face like mine or Robert’s eases the burden.”
Jon nodded in understanding.
“May I ask you something, Lady Cassandra.”
“Of course,” I quickly replied, “anything.”
I wanted Lyanna’s boy to know me as a safe place. I wanted him to feel like he could come to me with anything, because he could.
“Why do so many people believe you’re my mother?”
“It’s easy to think that,” I said. “Your father and I were betrothed once, before your Uncle Brandon died. When that happened, your honorable father offered to fill his proposal match to the Tully family. He married Catelyn and I went back to King’s Landing with my brother.”
“Did you love each other?”
“I cannot speak on your father’s behalf. As for myself, I loved Ned like no other.”
“Are you married now, my lady?”
“I am,” I said.
“He did not come to Winterfell?”
“No, he had other matters to attend to. Look there, I see the hunting party approaching. We had better join them.”
When we made it back to the rest of the party, I fell in line with my brother and his newly appointed Hand. It wasn’t long until tracks were found. Once a scent was picked up by the hounds, the party surged forward. Everyone went separate ways, hoping to close in on the boar. I noticed Ned had slowed, allowing everyone to pass him. I walked Snowfall to his side.
“Hunting parties never were your favorite,” I observed.
“You enjoy them?”
“Not necessarily. However, I do like watching Robert enjoy himself. He doesn’t do that much anymore.”
“How has he been?”
“Broken. He’s happy enough when he’s drunk or with whores. He hates anything to do with being the king. Sometimes I wonder if he just wanted the rebellion and not the crown. The amount of spies, lies, and theft in the capital is enough to drive any man insane, let alone the one who sits on the Iron Throne.”
Ned looked lost in thought as I spoke about my brother. When I finished, he glanced towards me.
“I’m sure you’ve heard, but I accepted the position of the Hand. Hopefully, I’ll be able to provide our king with more comfort knowing his affairs are in order.”
“Who will you be taking to King’s Landing?”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead. Robb will stay here. There-“
“Must always be a Stark in Winterfell,” we finished together. Ned cast me a sad smile.
“Cat will stay here with the him and our youngest. I’m not sure about the others. Jon can’t come with me but I don’t want him to stay alone with Cat. Who knows what damage that woman will do to him?”
“He wants to join the Night’s Watch,” I stated.
“Benjen has told me the same. I will speak to him and see if that is what he truly wants. You and I both know what that means though. It would be the true end to his House. He wouldn’t even know what he was giving up.”
“There are two more who can carry on the legacy. It doesn’t have to be Jon.”
Ned looked at me with sad eyes.
“It is so hard knowing what she would want.”
“She would want him alive and happy. If the Night’s a watch gives him that sense of purpose he seems to want to find, allow him to take the black, Ned. You claiming him as a bastard was nothing short of genius, but he can’t do much with no name, no title, and no land. I doubt Catelyn would ever let you give him the Stark name. Let him make his own name with others like him. Allow the boy to find his place in this world.”
Ned nodded, thinking over my words.
“How was Cat to you this morning? She quickly volunteered to be the one to tell you we were leaving.”
“She was polite enough. I may have played into the rumor that Jon was mine.”
His head whipped around to look at me, a disappointed scowl on his face. I gave a sheepish shrug of my arms.
“She approached me with the wrong passive aggressive attitude.”
“Last night was hard enough with her demanding every move I made when I disappeared from the feast.”
“And did you lie? Or does she know you swept me to the Godswood and expressed your love for me,” I teased, dramatically placing my hand over my heart.
“I told her we had stepped outside to catch up and then you wanted to meet Jon. No lies were said.”
Just hidden truths. I led Snowfall forward so that I was next to Ned once more.
“My apologies, Lord Stark, if my presence is putting an unnecessary strain on your wife and your marriage.”
“Oh, come off it,” he said. “I think we both know you needed to come here. We both needed closure, which I have yet to receive.”
“What do you mean?”
“You never told me your side of the story. I was left all night in the Godswood, waiting for you to show up. I wanted to be the one to explain what happened, and you never gave me a chance. I was hoping that you would talk me out of marrying Cat that night, but you were no where to be found.”
“I’m sorry, Ned. I-“
I was cut off by a rustle in the nearby bushes. I immediately grabbed my bow off of its hook on my saddle. I took aim and waited to see what would come out of the shrubbery. Ned moved his horse so that he was in front of me, taking care not to block my aim. He brought his sword out of the scabbard it was kept in.
We waited for minutes and watched for more signs of movement. None came. I lowered my bow, as Ned sheathed his sword. He turned toward me once more.
“Must have been a squirrel.”
At that moment, a wolf came rushing out of where we had seen the branches move. It lunged up towards Ned, who kicked it while he tried to free his sword once more. Ned led his horse forward to give him some time to reach his weapon, but the wolf was fast and jumped again. This time, the claws dug into the rear of Ned’s horse, causing her to rear up. Ned, having reached for his sword hilt, did not have the time to grab the reins. He fell backwards, onto the ground. His horse ran off, but it gave me the perfect shot I needed. I loosed two arrows quickly in succession, each one lodging into the eyes of the beast.
The wolf fell down, its breathing labored. Ned stood up and put the thing out of its misery.
“Are you okay, Cassandra?”
“He didn’t come near me,” I assured my friend. “And you?”
“I’m fine, just a rough landing. Damn sword hilt got stuck on one of my belts.”
“It’s okay, Ned. You can admit that you are old and slow,” I said with a smile. He chuckled lightly before looking around.
“My mare took off quickly. That isn’t like her.”
“I’m sure she’s nearby. Probably just scared, poor thing. She was injured badly, but nothing she cannot recover from. Here, Snowfall has the strength to carry both of us. We’ll find your mare.”
I scooted forward in the saddle as much as I could. I held my hand out to him. He looked at it before grabbing me, pressing our forearms together. My muscles flexed as I pulled him up. His legs swung behind me, settling him into place. We let go of each other and I grabbed the reins.
“Comfortable, Lord Stark?”
He let out a low hum, his arms coming to reach around my waist.
“Yes. Very.”
I smiled and tried to ignore the feeling of his chest pressed against my back. I guided Snowfall into a slow trot so that we could try to find Ned’s horse. We looked for a while, but found no trace of her. By this time, we were so detached from the hunting party that I couldn’t spot any of the other men or horses.
It wasn’t long before I felt Ned’s grip tighten around my waist. I rolled my eyes; I wasn’t that bad of a horse rider. I was about to chide him for being dramatic, but I quickly snapped my mouth shut when I felt his face nuzzle into my neck.
“Ned?”
“Lady Baratheon, I’m afraid that you will have to be the stronger of us today,” he breathed into my ear. “It cannot be me. Not when you are finally in my arms like this.”
His hand reached up and moved my hair so that my bare neck was available to him. He lightly pressed his lips to my skin, inhaling deeply. I let out a small gasp as his lips made contact with my neck. Ned’s hands rested on my thighs, massaging them lazily.
“You smell just like I remember. I think you made me love the scent of lavender.”
I tried to do as he asked and be the stronger of us. I knew I should say something to him, but it took all I had to focus on finding his horse or the hunting party, whichever was found first. I kicked Snowfall into a faster trot, my arse bumping back into Ned with the change of speed. I mentally cursed myself, knowing that wouldn’t help the situation.
“They should be around here somewhere,” I said in an attempt to distract Ned from where he had his head buried.
“Woman, you are going to be the death of me,” Ned whispered, placing his hands on my hips and pulling me further into him.
I could feel his manhood hardening against my rear. I closed my eyes at the feeling. I definitely could not suppress the small whimper that tumbled from my lips. Ned twitched against me, showing that he very much liked the noise.
“If I fuck you here and now, how bad do you suppose the consequences would be?” His hands squeezed my sides as he lightly nipped the lobe of my ear.
“Ned, if you fuck me here and now, I’m taking you to Storm’s End with me. There would be no giving you back to Catelyn after.”
Hearing his wife’s name seemed to bring him back to reality a little bit- or so I thought. His grip had loosened, but only so he could pull my skirts up enough to get his arm under. His fingers found the laces of my riding britches and he easily undid the cord. He slipped his hand under the fabric, pausing on my lower abdomen.
I leaned back into him, lifting my hips ever so slightly. That was the permission he needed to continue down to my center. When Ned finally touched me where I needed him most, it was as though I had been struck by lightning during one of the beautiful storms that often took place at my home. It did not take long before my whole body was feeling heated. His movements were borderline desperate, the way his other hand was clutching me was almost feral.
“Feeling nostalgic, Lord Stark,” I asked between excited breaths.
“Hush now, I’m playing with my favorite toy,” he said in a low grumble, moving his fingers in small quick motions. My head fell back onto his shoulder with another moan. I closed my eyes, realizing I failed at being the stronger of us. However, I was enjoying every second of my failure.
The world seemed to fall away and there was just Ned and I. As he toyed with me, his mouth was kissing a trail down my neck until he began lightly biting my collarbone. I loosened my dress enough to allow him to pull one side down over my right shoulder.
“If you insist on marking me, do it where no one can see.”
Ned let out a low hum before following my command. He bit, sucked, and licked a spot close to my shoulder, matching his mouth to his hand’s rhythm. His left hand found its way to my breast and there it stayed, palming and squeezing me over the fabric. Ned would slow and speed up his movements as though he were playing a beautiful melody with my body. It wasn’t long until he brought me to my undoing. In my defense, I haven’t been touched like this since the last time Ned had done so.
“If that is what you can do on horseback,” I panted out, my head still laying on his shoulder, “I desperately want to find out what you can do with a mattress under us.”
Ned laughed, nuzzling his face to mine, his stubble grazing my cheek. He removed his hand from my britches, my fluids glistening on his fingers. I opened my mouth in an offer to clean him up.
“Not this time, love,” he said, kissing my cheek before popping his fingers into his own mouth. His eyes closed and he let out the smallest of groans.
It was the most attractive sight in the world. I just stared up at him, allowing my body to relax against him. It seemed like the only things stabilizing me in that moment was Ned.
My bliss was cut short when we heard the thundering of hooves.
“Shit,” we said simultaneously. Ned hastily helped lace up my britches and pull the sleeve of my dress back into place, hiding the pleasure inflicted bruise.
“You are my undoing,” Ned whispered, biting my ear, just as Robert appeared through the trees.
“And where were you two when I gave the final blow to the beast?”
“Fighting our own, Your Grace,” Ned responded. “Lady Cassandra saved me from a wolf!”
“Well, that would explain your horse, my lord,” Ned’s Greyjoy ward said, holding up the reins of the injured mare.
“Best not to ride her until that wound has been looked at,” Robert said, pointing to where the wolf shredded her skin. “We had just killed the boar when she found us. We came as soon as we heard Cassandra scream.”
I gave him a confused look. I did not remember screaming at any point. Ned adjusted himself, ever so slightly pushing his hard cock against my backside, letting me know that he did, in fact, make me scream.
Oh.
“I- uh- I had thought I saw another wolf coming towards us,” I stammered out, trying to think of a justifiable reason.
“Aye, it was just a shadow in the trees,” Ned confirmed.
Robert seemed to buy our lame excuse, because he said nothing more on the matter.
“Back to the castle! We have dinner,” my brother exclaimed.
The party started to head back towards Winterfell. Benjen rode up beside Ned and I. He waited until most passed us by.
“Have fun?”
“I hadn’t loosed an arrow in a long time,” I said. “It was exciting to say the least.”
“Oh, come now. Don’t think you two are slick enough to get anything past me. I’ve heard that exact scream from you, Cassandra, too many times to think it means you were scared.”
“Let it rest, brother,” Ned said, sitting up straight.
“Now, now, Ned. You might be older, but I’m no longer a child. My lips are sealed, but next time try to keep hers sealed too, yeah? Wouldn’t want Cat to hear her sounds of pleasure.”
With that, Benjen rode off to catch up with Jon and Robb. I looked towards my riding partner.
“Benjen wouldn’t tell a soul,” I said when I saw Ned’s hardened face.
“No, he wouldn’t. That doesn’t mean that what we did was right.”
“Ned, I will not let you ruin this moment with your damn honorable reputation. What we did was wrong, despicable, and so, so sexy. You really know how to keep a woman enraptured by you.”
Ned smiled, pinching my thigh as we rode to catch up with Robert. As we rode further, it was clear that something was amiss. Another rider was heading towards us. As he came closer, I saw it was Jaime Lannister.
“There’s been an accident, Your Grace,” he called as he neared my brother, Ned, and I. “One of the Stark boys have fallen from a tower.”
Ned drew in a breath, his version of a gasp. I immediately kicked Snowfall into gear, cantering towards the castle of Winterfell. Ned held onto me tightly, this time to actually keep him in place. Once inside the gates, I slowed Snowfall to a stop before the entrance of the hall. Ned slid off the mare, patting her rear in thanks.
“Find me later; let me know how your boy is. Out of respect, I will not call on you and Lady Catelyn.”
Ned looked up at me with solemn eyes.
“That is probably wise. As is sending someone to inform you rather than me seeking you out.”
“Of course, Lord Stark. Be with your family.”
He ran into the castle without further words.
After caring for Snowfall, I spent the rest of my day in my chambers, reading by the window. I had changed out of my dress and was wearing a simple slip. I had asked for tea and had grabbed one of the furs off of my table. I had no expectations of visitors and was happy to spend the day to myself.
Hours went by before I moved a muscle, and that was only to change reading material. I finished the first novel and began the second. As I leaned forward, I noticed a shadow outside my door. I cocked my head to the side and listened for a knock. There was none.
I stood, determined to investigate. Before I could reach the handle, a small paper was slipped underneath. I grabbed it and moved to the firelight.
‘Move the wardrobe. I’ll see you tonight’ it read. I recognized Ned’s handwriting anywhere. I used to keep all the letters he wrote me at my desk and would read through them whenever we were apart. I moved the wardrobe he spoke of, revealing the small passage between my room and his old one.
I looked at the setting sun. I’m sure dinner was ready, but I didn’t have much of an appetite. Knowing I had to eat something, I made myself presentable and threw on a long cloak to cover the fact that I was dressed for bed.
I exited my room and made my way to the dining hall. There weren’t many people. A kitchen servant asked what I would like so I gave the request of some fruit.
I sat down and waited patiently for my food. It wasn’t long until a small girl plopped into the seat across from me. I recognized her as Ned’s youngest daughter.
“Hello there! You must be Arya.”
“And you’re Jon’s mother.”
I laughed. “Sorry to disappoint you, child, but Jon is not my son.”
“So then you’re just the king’s sister? Nothing else?”
Oh, this one was amusing.
“I suppose not. I really am disappointing, aren’t I?”
“Kind of. Everyone whispers about you like you’re some kind of legend. But you’re not. You’re just some lady in a fancy dress- not even as fancy as it ought to be seeing as you’re the king’s sister.”
“Don’t let her fool you, Arya,” Benjen said, sitting next to the girl. “Lady Cassandra here once fought off a dozen men to save your father and the king. She is excellent with both a bow and a sword.”
I smiled at Benjen, sticking my tongue out teasingly- something a lady most certainly should not do. When the servant came to bring my fruit, Benjen placed his own request for food.
“You fought in the rebellion,” Arya asked, her eyes lighting up with excitement.
“I did. Someone had to protect your father’s back as he was too busy protecting King Robert’s.”
“Would you spar with me? Mother won’t let me spar since all we have are men to spar with. Maybe if she sees that you’re willing, she’ll allow it.”
“Arya, I think you should ask your father about this,” Benjen advised. “Your mother is busy tending to Bran.”
“How is the boy,” I interjected.
“The Maesters are unsure. He’s in a prolonged state of sleep they said. They don’t know if he’ll wake soon. Maester Luwin said that he believes the boy will wake eventually, but much prayers are needed.”
“I will go to the Godswood later,” I promised.
“You pray to the old gods,” Arya asked. “I thought everyone in King’s Landing worshipped the new gods.”
“Well, I was raised a little differently than most women that live in King’s Landing.” I gave her a wink, which made her smile once more.
“Go, child. Your mother may not be up to chiding you to get ready for bed, but I am,” Benjen commanded, ruffling his niece’s hair.
Once Arya left, Benjen and I fell into a comfortable silence. I ate my fill of fruit and picked a few pieces of roasted boar from the ranger’s plate. People drifted in and out of the hall, some dining quickly, some taking their plates to their rooms. I noticed Ned never came down. I assume his and Cat’s food were taken to Bran’s room for them. I grabbed a plate and piled it with items I knew Ned would like. I brought it up to my room and set it near the fire, hoping it would keep it warm enough, just in case he hadn’t had a chance to eat.
After, I went to the Godswood to fulfill my promise of sending up prayers for Bran. It was a quick trip since it was so dark out. Without an escort, my courage took a dive. The cold breeze rustling the leaves in the night gave me an ominous feeling, like I was on the verge of something terrible. It was then I understood what Ned had always meant.
Winter is coming.
I returned to my reading nook and lit a candle. While the view of the moon was so beautiful in the North, it was not enough to light the pages for me to read. There I waited, fighting back sleep.
Just when I thought my exhaustion would win out, I heard a commotion on the other side of our passageway. Ned appeared from the wall, smiling when he saw me.
“You’re still awake,” he whispered. “I wasn’t sure if it was too late.”
“Nearly. I don’t think I would have been able to keep my eyes open much longer. I brought a plate of food up for you. Have you eaten?”
Ned shook his head. I retrieved the plate and handed it to him. As he ate, I filled two goblets with wine. I gave him one to wash the food down. He gladly accepted it.
“You always take such good care of me.”
“How’s your boy, Ned? Benjen filled me in at dinner.”
“Nothing has changed since then. Cat is a wreck, which is to be expected. I’m being eaten alive by guilt. I never host hunting parties and the one time I do, my boy falls from a tower. Is that some sort of omen?”
“No, Ned, don’t let those thoughts in because they will bury themselves deep in your conscience. Nothing you did today caused your boy to fall.”
“Nothing? You don’t think the gods were punishing me for being unfaithful to my wife? Because that’s what has been screaming in my head all day. Bran fell because I fell.”
I closed my mouth shut, unsure of what to say. I knew where this conversation was heading. Part of me had known when I saw the note. It was inevitable. Ned placed the empty plate down on a table.
“Cassandra, today was a mistake. We cannot repeat our actions. I love you so much, but I will not put my selfish feelings above the well being of my children.”
I nodded, trying to keep the tears in. I had no idea why I was crying; I had known this was coming.
“When I came here, I knew this is the conversation we would eventually have. You have given me the reassurance that you did love me. You didn’t just leave me because you found someone prettier.”
“Tell me, Andra, why did you not show up when I called for you? I told myself before that meeting that if you asked me to marry you still, I would have. I would have gone against Jon Arryn and my mother. I would have even threatened to take the black like Benjen. Jon Arryn would have allowed it then; he wouldn’t have had the Stark name die with me. It could have been us.”
I sighed. I looked into Ned’s eyes and placed my hand on his chest.
“I have loved you fiercely for what seems like all my life. I practically grew up here in Winterfell. Even when you were a ward of Jon Arryn, I came to stay with Lyanna. Your father loved you and I could see you had the utmost respect for the man. When I read your letter asking me to meet with you, Robert had already told me of your plan to take responsibility for Brandon’s match with Catelyn. Your father may have been gone, but I knew you would have spoken to Jon concerning the matter.
“I was not going to be the one to stand in between you and your only father figure. I know what your honor means to you, Ned. I did not want to be the constant reminder that when you needed to step into the role of the eldest Stark and do your duty, you didn’t. That was in the case that you truly did love me and wanted to meet to tell me you weren’t taking the match with Cat.
“But then there was the other possibility that you would stand there in front of me and tell me you didn’t love me and were happily choosing Cat over me. Either way, I was not prepared to see you then. I wasn’t even prepared to see you now! I begged Robert to let me stay home. I didn’t want to look into your beautiful eyes, the eyes I fell so hard for, and be told no.”
Ned covered my hand on his chest with his own. He brought my fingers to his lips and placed a gentle kiss to them.
“You were a fool, Cassandra Baratheon, if you thought for one second that I would choose anyone over you,” he whispered down to me. “But I cannot now. I have a family to take care of. They must come first.”
“I understand, Lord Stark.”
I tried to pull my hand away, but Ned held me firmly. I looked up once more to see the emotions again warring in his eyes. I smiled sadly, knowing I would have to be the strong one tonight. I would not fail as I did earlier.
“Go to your wife, Ned. She needs you during this trying time.”
“Once, Andra, you were everything to me.”
“I know, Ned. And I’m so thankful for the time that I was.”
With that, he was gone.