Chapter Text
FELIX
Dessert is his Sir’s cock down his throat until he chokes on it, so far down that he doesn’t even taste it when Chan comes.
That’s not until much later, when Chan comes again, on Felix’s face — over his freckles — and gives Felix permission to lick every drop clean from his fingers.
It’s so, so good that he could cry.
He does cry.
***
Chan comes back into the bedroom, where Felix is warm and cozy under the soft clean sheets, with a plastic container of the chocolate mousse that Felix had been eying at the restaurant.
“Oh my god, you’re the absolute best ever.” Felix says, watching the shift of Chan’s muscles as Chan climbs into bed and settles himself besides him. “When did you even get that?”
“When I asked for the check,” Chan says. His smile is fond and teasing in equal measure. “You were miles away by then, baby. I told you I’d give you dessert.”
“I know,” Felix says. “I just thought…” He dissolves into laughter. “I thought you meant…you know...”
He waves his hand around meaningfully toward Chan’s now shorts-clad cock, and Chan laughs until he’s gasping in breathy giggles.
“Well, I’m glad to know that my cock rates up there with chocolate mousse.” He says finally.
“Honestly, it’s probably higher.” Felix admits.
“In that case, you don’t need any of this,” Chan says, angling the container away from Felix, and slowly bringing a huge forkful of the mousse to his own mouth.
“No, my chocolate mousse!”
Felix makes a grab for his arm, but he’s too late to stop the fork from disappearing into his boyfriend’s smug mouth. At Felix’s indignant squawk, Chan grabs hold of his wrist and pulls him in for a kiss, letting Felix lick the chocolate from the inside of his mouth.
“So if you're up for it now,” Chan says, after they polish off most of the mousse, “Let’s talk a little more about what 'everything' means.”
'I'm always up for it." Felix says.
Chan beams at him, all pleased dimples, as he feeds Felix the last bite of chocolate mousse. "I know you are, baby."
He reaches over to the side table to grab his phone and create a new shared document, then settles back with his arm around Felix’s shoulder. Felix snuggles in, tracing patterns over the hard swell of Chan’s pecs, just because he can.
“Well, if you think about it.“ He says. “There’s a lot we can do now that we couldn’t? Like. Except for vanilla clients…I can give you all my orgasms now.”
It’s such a simple thing, but he can’t help the little thrill that goes through him as he says it.
should i
save my orgasms
for you
I can’t ask you to do that.
He wonders if Chan is thinking of it too. He wonders if it feels like destiny to Chan too, that they’re here again. If it feels magical to Chan too, that they don’t need to hold back anymore.
“I wanted to ask you to save your orgasms for me so fucking badly.” Chan says, tongue pushing at his cheek in a confessional grin that’s so purely sexy that Felix can let the twist of giddy desire in his belly overshadow the way that admission means more than he can hold right now. To simply be happy that his Dom had wanted to own what Felix had longed to give him. “So yeah, I’m definitely down for that.”
“Okay,” Felix agrees. “Let’s do that then?”
“I’ll put it on the list.” Chan smiles at him, cutting amused eyes to his face. “There’s just one thing…” Felix nods eagerly. mouth going dry as he watches the gleam of Chan's eyes under his lashes, the way his grin sharpens. “The orgasms you have with your vanilla clients are also mine. Those clients only get to touch you because I gave my permission.”
Felix nods again, lips his lips to wet them. “I really like…thinking of it like that.” He can’t help the laugh that escapes, breathless and eager.
Chan’s answering laugh is soft and satisfied. “I thought you might.” He’s still smiling as he pulls Felix in for a kiss, warm and indulgent and all too brief. “And I want to own all your orgasms.” He adds. “That means you don’t come without my permission, even if you’re by yourself. You’ll need to ask my permission. Does that work for you?”
Does it work? It’s only all he’s been wanting. He can’t help his smile.
“Yes, that works for me, please.”
“Anything else you’ve been thinking of?” Chan asks as he types.
What hasn’t Felix been thinking of? He’s pretty much been thinking of…well, everything. For oh, about 12 months.
But somehow right now he finds himself thinking of this morning. Chan’s guilt and shame where there should only be joy and comfort.
“I really liked this morning. All of it. I loved being shaved by you this morning. No one had ever done that for me and…obviously it was hot as fuck but also…it made me feel so…cared for.”
“Yeah?” Chan’s voice is warm and pleased, and Felix wants to make him sound like that every single day.
“Mm hmm. And the same with you helping me with my coat. And ordering my drink. I like all of that. And I’d like you to keep doing it, please.”
“I’d like that too.” Chan says. “Honestly it’s sort of…second nature with you.”
”Good.” Felix tells him, just in case he needs to hear it one more time.
They talk out the details a bit more, their future taking shape between them, exactly how they want it.
“What about you? What else do you want for us?” Felix asks, his fingers playing with Chan’s hair where it curls at the nape of his neck. “You said…you’ve been trying to reign yourself in?”
Chan gives a rueful laugh. “Not very successfully.”
“Good,” Felix says. Chan isn’t the only one who’s greedy, after all. “Because I have never, ever wanted you to hold back with me. And I’ve been pretty clear about that.”
CHAN
And he has been. Felix has always told Chan what he wants and what he likes, when it was hard. Even when Chan had to coax him to do it. He’s been clear about how he feels about Chan and his greed, and so much more, with this same clear-eyed, resolute sincerity that makes Chan want to kiss him again. Because he’s so brave and earnest and fearless about advocating not only for his own needs, but making sure Chan is doing the same thing.
When Chan thinks of just how far his little one has come from the boy he had met that very first day who had been saddled with so much shame about what he needed and wanted...he’s filled with so much fucking pride he could burst.
Felix has been so fucking gentle about this whole thing, and Chan can't help feeling a momentary surge of irritation with himself for doubting himself when Felix trusts him so completely. Why had he let himself second guess so much when everything about it feels so right, when this is them?
He finds himself thinking again of what Felix had said the day Chan had dropped, the first day he'd used his carte blanche.
'Please, keep trusting yourself with me. Because I trust you.'
If they're going to do this, trusting himself as Felix's boyfriend is no different than trusting himself as Felix's Dom, and he has always, always done that, ever since he promised Felix.
Until his brain caught up with him, he’s just been acting on instinct since they got together and…all those instincts, they’re right. When it comes to his little one, they’ve always been right because…he was made for Felix, just as much as Felix was made for him.
'Tell me what you want. I promise I'll like it.'
Here and now, Felix reaches up to cup his cheek, “What else would you like to do, please?”
It's their past and their present overlapping in a single sentence and as Chan looks into that steady, fearless gaze, all his lingering misgivings just…dissolve. This is just…them. And he has always known what he wants from his little one.
“Okay, so you know how I picked out your clothes for our date today?” Chan says. “I would really like to do that for you, to choose your clothes for you, if you’d be into it?”
He’s told Felix to wear something specific for scenes before. But that’s sometimes him, and sometimes it’s incorporating something a client has asked for.
Tonight felt like so much more. He wants to choose Felix’s underwear, his pants, his shirts, his sweaters, his jewelry…he doesn’t want a single thing touching Felix’s skin to be something he hasn’t chosen.
When he thinks of Felix at the college commencement ceremony he's put so much time and effort and hardwork to accomplish, wearing only what Chan has specifically selected and commanded him to wear beneath his graduation robe…God it’s so good.
“I wouldn't be buying your clothes — you know way more about fashion than I do, and I know how much you like shopping. But I'd be the one choosing what you wear from your wardrobe.” It was definitely safer to keep these things inside. Because he’d meant what he’d said to Felix. He wants everything. And knowing Felix does too…He just wants more. “Not just for special occasions, I mean like. Every day. You know, if you’d be okay with something like that.”
Felix is looking at him with a breathless happy smile. “Yeah, I’d be okay with that.” He says. “Knowing you spent the time thinking of me and what I would like and what I would look good in, maybe just what you’d want to see me in? I’d be more than okay with that. It’s hot.” He pauses, biting into his lower lip. “And also…it would make me feel…really cherished and cared for, honestly.”
“Okay,” Chan says. “Okay. Good. That’s how I want to make you feel.”
“You do,” Felix says, dropping a little string of kisses over Chan’s jaw. “You do, always.” He settles himself back on Chan’s chest, and Chan pets his hand over his soft hair. “What else do you want?”
“God,” Chan says. He laughs a little wildly. “What don’t I want? I want everything. I just. I want to make you feel safe, and loved and cared for. To make you feel cherished. I want to be your home and your safe space and your everything.”
Felix gives a little laugh. “Hey, save some for our wedding vows.” He teases but his eyes are bright.
Chan goes completely still at that. Because he can see it: Felix, standing across from him, with these same tear-bright eyes, as they pledge to belong to each other forever, in sickness and in health and he wants that with strength that is prophetic.
“Don’t worry,” he tells Felix. “I’ll always have more to say.”
Felix just smiles. “Now tell me what else you want. And don’t hold back on me, because I was listening really well when Minho-hyung told me all your weaknesses. I even took notes.”
Chan laughs. “Jeez, you’re bringing out the real threats, hmm? Don’t worry, I won’t. I promise.”
So they talk more about what they both want. And it’s every check in and planning session they’ve ever had except it’s just them now. No pay scale, no boundaries and it’s so fucking perfect.
Because Chan always knows what he wants with Felix. He’s always known. The moment he’d seen Felix on his knees, that perfect, selfless submission, he’d known. The only difference is that now, he can have it. He can have everything.
***
They talk until sleep begins to creep in, as the silences between sentences grow longer and longer, until each kiss lightens and their fingers slow. Chan holds Felix curled against him, chest pressed to Felix’s back, arms wrapped around him, chin tucked over Felix’s shoulder.
“I thought of something else I want.” Felix’s drowsy whisper is rough and velvety in the darkness.
“Yeah?” Chan smiles to himself, still wakeful enough, still watchful enough. He doesn’t want to miss a single second of his life these days. “What’d you think of, Lix?”
“I want you to use me whenever you want. Like…whenever. Even if I’m sleeping.”
Oh. The request twists low in Chan’s belly, the whisper of desire not at all at odds with the fond indulgence seeping through him. Felix is so adorable like this, soft and sleepy.
“Or half-asleep?” Chan asks, dropping a kiss into the sweet little hollow beneath Felix’s ear.
“Mmm, yeah.” He can feel Felix’s agreeable burr under his lips. “I used to think about it a lot.” Felix stretches a little, and when he speaks again, he sounds a bit more awake. “When I would sleep over, I used to imagine you waking me up by sliding inside. Fucking me awake like that.”
“Fuck, baby.”
It’s so fucking good. But at the same time, he can’t think about that too much, the idea of Felix lying next to him in this bed, wanting that. Aching for something that Chan could have given him. He would have given that to Felix, if he’d known. If he’d known: ‘I never really wanted boundaries.’
“So. You’d want to?" Felix’s voice is more smug than sleepy now, utterly aware of the erotic impact his request had on his Dom boyfriend. (He’s trying to embrace it.)
And Chan can give it to him now. So he will.
“Of course I want to.” Chan says. “I want everything, remember?”
The endless vastness of his desire doesn’t scare him now. Not when he has concrete proof that Felix’s need is identical to his own.
Felix turns in his arms, his mouth hot on Chan’s, stealing, sharing breath. By the time they separate for air, Felix is very awake, his eyes bright and his galaxy-scattered cheeks flushed.
“I really like this conversation.” Felix confides, hushed and avid. “I was thinking…”
“What were you thinking, baby?” Chan grins. “Whatever it is, I’ll like it.”
Felix’s pink tongue gleams in the low light, as he wets his lips.
“What if I cockwarm you, while we talk?”
Oh.
The suggestion rushes through Chan, a hushed awe of breathless possibilities.
“Yeah, I would like that,” He says. “I’ve never.”
“Oh,” Felix’s breath leaves him in a rush. “Never?”
“Not really something people pay for.”
“It’s nice.” Felix says. His voice is soft and lush. Gravel. Turning the word ‘nice’ into something so carnal it curls Chan’s toes and heats his blood, his cock filling. “It’s really healing. I think you’ll like it.”
“How could I not?” Chan says.
After all, he always likes Felix’s ideas, too. And he’s so happy to have another first to give to his little one.
First and only.
As it turns out, cockwarming is not at all conducive to conversation, because it sinks his baby steady and deep, like a stone in water. But resting cradled inside his tight hot clench while his little one floats safe and blissful? That really is healing.
***
For the past two years now, a typical weekday night would be Chan in his big chair by the window, sipping his mug of tea. He’d have his notebook in his lap, occasionally glancing out the window at the skyline as he perfected scene plans for clients.
Not anymore. Tonight he's lounging on the couch listening to music, tea forgotten, never glancing at the crisp winter skyline outside. He's left his work at the office, because the object of all his fantasies is currently sitting at the low living room table, working on his graduation forms and looking like everything Chan has ever wanted.
Felix is on the floor, sitting with his knees tucked under himself, delectable bare feet peeking out from under the sweet curve of his ass. Felix’s love affair with the ondol has only deepened since he started sleeping at Chan’s every night, and Chan would be slightly jealous except that Felix’s love of his heated floor has mostly manifested in Felix begging Chan to fuck him into it.
Right now, Felix is bent over his papers, his hair half escaped from its tiny bun, pale silky strands gleaming like winter sunshine in the low light. Chan’s already so used to looking up and seeing Felix here all the time, his little one in his space. He thinks of all those nights he’d had Felix over, how he’d been chasing this without even realizing it. The whole time he'd known exactly what he wanted. Maybe that’s why finally getting it just feels like the universe righting itself.
His phone vibrates, momentarily stealing his attention.
Grant:
Tomorrow’s the big day!
Sure you don’t mind picking us up at the airport?
Chan:
Of course not! It’s the least I can do.
Sorry again about the hotel thing.
His original invitation for Grant to stay with him during his visit had been less of an offer on his part and more of an order on Grant’s part, but his situation has completely changed, and having someone else in the apartment is…not really feasible. He still feels slightly badly that his mentor has to spring for a hotel now. The truth is, he’d sort of...forgotten Grant was coming at all, until he’d texted a few days before to ask if Hoseok would mind Chan giving him a tour of Hit List. Everything that happened in November is sort of a blur now. And also Chan’s been…sort of just focused on Felix. Is still just focused on Felix, if he’s honest.
Grant:
No worries, mate.
Last thing I want to do is intrude on you lovebirds.
Chan:
I’m excited to see you. And Arthur. Hahaha.
I can’t wait for you to meet Felix.
You’re going to love him.
Grant:
Looking forward to it!
Grant is really the only person he can think of who he doesn’t mind intruding on the little bubble he and Felix have been living in. It feels right somehow, that the first person from his life back in Sydney to meet Felix is the one man who will really understand.
When Chan looks up from his phone, back to Felix, he’s not looking at his papers anymore. Instead, he’s looking at Chan through half-lidded eyes.
Chan pulls his ear buds from his ears. “Penny for your thoughts?”
“Oh,” Felix bites the side of his cheek as his gaze skitters away, lashes hiding his eyes.
Chan grins. “Now I really want to know. What are you thinking about?”
When Felix’s eyes flick up again, there’s a faint pink staining his cheeks.
”You’re so fucking handsome.” He says, in an earnest rush. “You’re so hot it makes me feel crazy.”
The simple confession hits Chan straight in the solar plexus, spreading warm through his chest. Felix has never really talked to him like this unprompted or outside of aftercare.
”Yeah?” He asks, a little breathless and a lot gratified. He can’t keep the smile from his face. “That’s what you were thinking just now?”
“That's what I'm thinking pretty much all the time.” Felix says, with a little laugh, giddy and incredulous, like he’s actually overwhelmed by just how hot Chan is. And that goes straight to Chan’s head. Not to mention his cock.
“Aren’t you supposed to be filling out forms?” Chan teases. “Not thinking about your boyfriend?”
Felix’s blush deepens. He’s so cute like this it makes Chan’s pulse pick up.
“I couldn’t concentrate.” Felix says, with that same lush little laugh, like Chan is asking silly questions. “You’re so hot it’s ridiculous.”
“And you think about that all the time?”
“Yes.” Felix says simply. It’s a confession and an offering, an indulgence and an absolution.
Obviously Chan knows Felix is attracted to him, to put it mildly. But hearing him say it like this…hearing just how much he wants Chan…this feels like a gift that Chan never expected to get. There's something comforting about hearing proof positive that Felix wants him as much as he wants Felix.
“I want you to tell me when you think that kind of thing.” Chan tells him. He puts just enough command in his voice that Felix can decide whether he wants to obey or not.
Felix’s pink lips part on a breath, as Chan watches the tone work its magic. He gives a little a sigh of acquiescence so lovely it threatens to set Chan’s overheated blood on fire.
“Tell you, Sir?” He asks. Because of course his little one would never miss an opportunity to obey.
Chan lets his Domspace settle on his shoulders, easy and effortless. It’s such a heady thing, the way that he can just do this. That Felix is his now to use at the drop of a hat, whenever he wants to, with the bone deep certainty that Felix will always be ready and eager for him. With the bone deep certainty that this is how they’re meant to have been, from the very second they first met.
“That's right, little one.”
Chan sets his phone and earbuds on the table, pulls off his t-shirt, casual and slow. He sees Felix's teeth sink into his bottom lip, and doesn’t bother to hide his grin as he gets up from the couch. He walks slowly over to where Felix is sitting. Felix keeps his eyes dropped prettily as he approaches.
“You’re so good for me.” Chan murmurs, as he shucks off his sweatpants. He’s bare beneath them, as he so often is these days. "But I want your eyes on me.”
Felix’s eyes raise to his, snagging momentarily on Chan’s cock, already half hard. His gaze doesn’t waver as Chan reaches over to tug his hair out of its little bun so it tumbles around his face.
“Clothes off.” Chan orders, light and clipped. “Folded and on the table there.”
Felix slips out of his pink hoodie and tank top, sliding off his jeans first, then his briefs. Layers because he gets cold, and because Chan likes to see him work for it sometimes, likes the way Felix’s little fingers are clumsy with need by the time he’s pulling his briefs off.
“Come here, baby.”
Chan pulls Felix back down onto his beloved heated floor, until he's looking up at Chan with big, worshipful eyes, his hair spilling over the floor like sunlight, sprawled on his back like everything Chan has ever wanted. He’s always so gorgeous but he steals Chan’s breath away like this, Chan’s marks faded but still visible around his throat.
Chan positions him easily, kneeling between Felix’s spread thighs with Felix’s legs bracketing his hips.
“Now I want you to tell me more about what you were thinking about, watching Sir with those pretty eyes.”
”Yes, Sir.”
Felix's belly ring catches the light as Chan lifts his hips and pulls him onto his cock. He sighs happily. They’d had a full schedule today, so he’s still beautifully fucked open, and it’s an easy slide until Chan’s balls deep, Felix fully seated on his thighs. Felix's own cock is already hard, lying firm and hot against his belly.
“I make you feel crazy, baby?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Chan runs a hand over Felix’s corrugated abs to thumb lazily at a nipple, feeling it harden under his finger. Felix draws in a sweet little breath, and the sound makes him tighten his other hand where it’s splayed on Felix’s thigh so he doesn’t thrust deeper.
“Crazy how?” He prompts, pinching hard and watching Felix’s pretty wide eyes go dark.
“You’ve always been so handsome to me, Sir. Ever since I first saw you." Chan’s cock thickens at his simple admission, Felix like a hot vice around him. He fucks up into him languidly. "You’ve always been so handsome to me. And now…” Felix‘s last word dissolves into a groan.
“Now?” Chan prompts, another slow thrust. “Keep talking, or I stop, baby.”
“Now that I’m really yours….”
“You’ve always been mine, little one.” He says firmly, stroking his thumb over the purple bloom of a bruise by the crease where Felix’s thigh meets his hip. "And I'm yours."
“Yes, Sir.” Felix's eyes don’t leave Chan’s, but his face is full of that breathless awe that spreads warm inside Chan’s chest.
“All yours, little one.”
Once again, Chan vows to keep saying it until Felix's amazement turns to only contentment. And suddenly he’s too far away. He lifts Felix up so he can wrap his arms around Felix, holding him close, so that they’re pressed chest to chest. The shift in angle drives him even deeper, punching a pretty little moan out of Felix.
“You’re doing so well, little one.” He rubs Felix’s back, smoothing circles over his heated skin, smoothing his hands up over the dip in Felix’s lower back to rest on his narrow waist. He nudges his hips up, just the slightest bit, and feels it reverberate through Felix, hears it in his lovely ragged little gasp. Felix's cock is leaking where it's trapped beneath their bodies, but his good little one stays so still, doesn't try to chase his pleasure. "Keep going."
“You’re so handsome I don’t know what to do with myself." It's a breathless velvet rasp. "You’re so hot, all the time, Sir. Sometimes all I can think about is how badly I want you.”
And really it’s not all that different from what Chan says to him when he teases Felix about being cockdumb, his pretty head empty and his ass aching to be full. But it hits differently, coming from Felix.
“How badly do you want me, baby?” He mouths down Felix’s throat, tasting salt under his tongue, licking, biting softly at the bruises there, feeling Felix shudder beneath his mouth, the way it makes him clench around his cock. He's longing to thrust deeper into that tight heat, but he can always deny himself for the sake of his little one. He doesn’t move, stays deep and still. “Tell me.”
Felix drags in a shaky breath. He wants to move as much as Chan does, Chan can feel it; He's trembling in Chan’s arms, sweat gleaming on his skin. But he doesn't so much as rock his hips, doesn't even need Chan's arms to keep him still.
"Now that I get to be with you all the time… It’s so much, Sir. Sometimes I want you so much I can barely breathe, Sir.”
Chan’s heart tightens in chest, love and desire so powerful he feels weightless with it.
“I want you to tell me when you’re overcome like this, little one. I want you to tell me when you want me too badly.”
“But that’s always, Sir.” His eyes are luminous, steady on Chan's face. “When I said I’m always thinking about it… I meant always, Sir. I want you literally all the time. Every second of every day.”
Chan presses his lips to Felix’s wet cheeks, tasting salt. “Every second is a lot of wanting, baby.”
“Yes, Sir.” Felix’s arms tighten around him, clinging as Chan fucks up into him, his muscles burning now. “But you’re perfect, Sir. So I can’t- I can’t help it.” Chan grinds over Felix’s prostate, loving the way Felix clenches around him, the way Felix’s voice is knocked breathless and gritty as he continues. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.”
"Lift up," He tells Felix, but he's already lifting him, needs to find purchase, needs his full range of movement to give his little one exactly what he needs, now. He manhandles Felix so that Felix is lying back on the floor again, beneath him, their bodies flush as he slides back inside, pushing Felix's thighs up so he can go deeper. He’s so beautiful like this, his face soft with pleasure and his eyes gleaming with tears. "My pretty baby, with your head empty except for me. I love how much you want me."
He bends down to capture Felix’s pleasure slack mouth, swallowing down the pooled saliva, his gasp of pleasure. When Chan pulls back, happiness suffuses Felix’s face like light. "I want you all the time too, little one. How could I not? When you were made for me. When you were born to be mine? When I was born for you?” A thrust for each question, each stroke massaging Felix’s prostate as he drives into him again and again.
He pumps into Felix harder, giving his little one what he needs, until Felix is shaking, cheeks wet, moaning with every thrust. "I’ve never seen anything but you, little one. You’re the only one for me." Felix so close Chan can taste it, and he wants it, wants everything. "Come for me."
His ever obedient little one comes with a cry, spilling hot between their bodies and Chan fucks him through it, givingFelix every last bit of his love, every last bit of his cum, filling him. They collapse together onto the heated floor, breathing hard.
They lay together in silence, until Felix shifts, tipping his face to be kissed. Chan kisses him, slow and sweet. Felix sighs happily, as he clings to Chan, murmuring sweetly. "I love you, I love you."
Chan drops kisses into Felix's hair. "I have never loved anyone the way I love you, little one."
Felix's slim muscled arms are tight around him, as he nestles on Chan’s chest.
"Did you like that, baby?" Chan asks, softly.
"Yes," Felix says immediately. "It was…it was really healing."
Chan can't help chuckling a little at his Lixie's favorite word that seems to encompass everything from actual mental relaxation to filthy, intimate kinky sex. "Good. I really loved it too. Hearing you tell me those things…I really, really liked it."
"Ah really?" Felix pushes himself up to peer into Chan’s face, dark eyes curious.
"Of course." Chan says.
"Okay," Felix says, smiling to himself. "I'm glad then. Because I meant it when I said it was healing. I really do think about you like that…all the time, but…I hadn't really thought about how I can actually…say all of that now?"
The ‘now’ goes off inside Chan like an unexploded bomb, a small devastating rush of guilt, as he thinks of how often he tells Felix how pretty he is, how he’d never even thought anything of it, because Felix is the kind of beautiful that can’t pass unremarked. How he’s been telling Felix he’s beautiful pretty much since the day they met.
“You can." He says. "And I hope you keep telling me. If you want to."
“I do.” Felix says, surprise and conviction in his voice. “I want to.”
"Good." Chan says, "You can always tell me anything.”He smiles. “Especially things like that. It…makes me really happy, honestly."
Felix is beaming now, luminous and exhausted and happy. “Just so you know," He says, conspiratorially. "You're really hot, all fucked out like this."
Chan just laughs, pulling Felix until he collapses on his chest again, wrapping his arms tight around him. "So are you, Lixie." He says, "So are you."
They just lie there for a while longer, neither wanting to move. Chan strokes his thumb over the marks at Felix’s throat, not needing to see them to know exactly where they are.
“I’ll fix these up again before we meet Grant tomorrow,” He says, and feels Felix’s smile against his skin.
FELIX
Chan’s mentor is objectively hot, in an early salt-and-pepper Daddy Dom way. He rises with a smile when Felix gets to the table.
"So this is the infamous Felix."
"It's so good to meet you, Master Grant." Felix says.
"Likewise. It's a real pleasure to meet you, Felix." Grant says, shaking Felix's hand. His grip is firm, his eyes friendly. “And you can just call me Grant.”
Felix scoots into the booth, Chan’s arm going around his shoulders the second he slips off his coat. He moves closer until Chan’s thigh is pressed against his, warm even through the denim of his jeans. He can’t help his hand from straying to the hard muscle there. Chan has given him permission after all.
Still, for a moment he wonders if Chan won’t want to, in front of Grant, but Chan’s hand settles on his, dragging it back to his thigh, lacing his fingers through Felix’s so Felix can’t take it off again.
He gives Felix a sideways glance, warm eyes and playful mouth and says, “You should take your scarf off, baby. You don’t want to overheat.”
Felix bites his lip in a futile attempt to stop the thrill that goes through him, and pulls off his scarf, setting it on top of his coat.
Grant's sharp gaze falls immediately to the freshly darkened marks ringing Felix's throat, and he lets out a low whistle. "Beautiful work there, Christopher."
Chan sounds like the cat who got the cream as he answers, "Thank you."
It's a full body rush, the appraisal of Chan’s mentor, the pride in Chan’s voice, and it's so fucking good, Felix can't help shivering. He feels Chan’s hand flex on his.
"I can see why you didn't want me staying at yours." Grant says, smirking.
Chan winces. "I really am sorry about that."
Grant just laughs. "I'm just fucking with you, mate."
For Felix 's part, he can't really bring himself to feel sorry for the fact that Chan had to ask his mentor to book a hotel room rather than stay at Chan's apartment as originally planned. And maybe it’s selfish, to want to keep their space just to themselves for a little longer, but he just…doesn’t care. Especially because Grant doesn’t seem to mind at all.
"You should still let me pay for your room." Chan protests. "I know that's money you weren't planning on spending."
"Not a chance." Grant says. "Look, Chris. I booked this trip because I was fucking worried about you. You think I'm upset that my welfare check turned into meet the boyfriend? I couldn't be happier for you. If your wellbeing means I have to suffer through a penthouse suite with a breakfast buffet every morning, that's a sacrifice I'm prepared to make."
"Okay, okay, point taken." Chan grouses. The tips of his ears are red, and Felix can't help reaching out and tweaking one.
“Besides, this way I convinced Arthur to tag along.” He turns to Felix. “He’ll be joining us later, he had a conference call he had to take. He’s dying to meet you.”
Felix loves Grant immediately. Honestly, he was pretty predisposed to like the guy, given that he's the one who helped Chan become the Dom he is today, but he just genuinely likes him. He's warm, funny and sarcastic, and kind in an offhand, straightforward way. And it's really nice to be with someone who gets what they are to each other on this fundamental level. Who understands exactly how Felix belongs to Chan and what that means.
Also, Chan is so fucking cute with him.
"Christopher." Grant says, when Chan apologizes for the hotel for the third time. Felix doesn't miss the way Chan straightens up at his tone, just a shade below a command. "Enough about the hotel. Let it go."
Chan gives a little resigned sigh. "Yes, Master Grant."
It's mostly respectful, not submissive, but Felix can't keep the delighted grin off his face. “Christopher.” He mouths. Chan gives his thigh a little squeeze, but Grant catches his eye.
"You should see what happens when I grab him by the chin while I say it." He says, with an answering grin. "Want me to show you?"
"Yes, please." Felix says.
"No thank you." Chan says firmly to Grant. "Don't you encourage him, Lixie."
"Is this what he was like when you trained him, Mas— Grant?"
Grant’s grin widens. "Ever seen a picture of Chris during his Baby Dom days?"
Chan moans. "I should have just told you to cancel your trip."
"And miss this opportunity? Not on your life." Grant chuckles, taking out his phone.
Despite the bleach blond curls and the truly excessive amounts of eyeliner, Baby Dom Chris is…beautiful. A little cocky in a way that comes across as bravado even through the pixels, but it's his same gorgeous smile. Maybe he's a little awkward, but he's already so handsome it makes Felix's stomach flip over.
Chan has been hiding his face in Felix's shoulder, but he raises it enough to peek at the screen.
"Oh god, not the blond," He groans. "I can't believe I thought it was a good look."
"I like it." Felix tells him.
"Baby, no." Chan buries his head again.
"Yes," Felix insists. "You look good."
"I look like I'm trying way too hard."
And he does, but not in the way Chan means. He's bright and eager, and that's what comes through this photo, along with the bravado. Looking at them, Felix can tell that the young man in them has taken his first steps on the path that will help him find himself and who he's meant to be. The path that brought him to Felix.
Chan takes himself off to the bathroom with a warning to his mentor not to embarrass him anymore while he's gone.
"I make no promises." Grant calls after him.
"Thank you for sharing that." Felix says, and Grant smiles.
"I’ve got a lot more where that came from.” He says, then his face grows serious. “While he's gone, I just wanted to say something." Felix braces himself. Here then is the warning he'd expected to get from Minho. He's fully prepared to assure the older man that he'll never hurt Chan, when Grant continues. "First off, I'm sorry Christopher's such a fucking idiot. I never felt like it was my place to push him on his sexuality, but maybe I should have poked a bit more back when he was shiny and impressionable, and less set in his ways."
"Oh." The unexpected apology makes Felix flush. "Uh, it's okay. We got here, that's all that matters, you know?"
"Second," Grant says. "I've known that kid since he was 21 years old. I met some of the girls he was dating. I have never, ever seen him this happy."
Felix blinks rapidly against the sudden tears welling in his eyes. "Thank you."
"No need to thank me." Grant says. "I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. I think you should know how happy you've made him."
CHAN
Chan grabs dinner alone with Grant mostly because Felix insists that they need some time without their boyfriends ‘third-wheeling’. Shortly after they sit down, Chan's phone buzzes.
It’s a photo and a text from Felix, who has taken Arthur off to get dinner with Yeonjun and Soobin. Chan is dying to see a selfie of those unlikely dinner companions, but Felix has his priorities in order, so that will probably come later. Chan smiles to himself.
Felix:
Here’s the menu
Sir
Chan:
Good boy.
Order the samgyeopsal.
Felix:
ordered Sir
Junnie and Soobin say hi
and we are adopting Arthur
as our own
Chan:
Haha Say hi for me!
Love you Lixie. Have fun.
Chan:
Remember to text me when you get home.
Felix:
Yes Sir
When he puts the phone down, Grant is grinning at him.
“Sorry,” Chan says immediately. “I don’t mean to be rude. I ah, had asked Felix to send me the menu so I could let him know what to order for dinner.”
Grant's grin only widens. "So, you're jumping all in, eh? Quite a change from the ol' 9 to 5, strictly business hours arrangement."
Chan laughs, feeling his ears burn. "Nah, yeah, I dunno, when we got together…those boundaries? They sort of just…dissolved. Sort of…before we got together, maybe? But Felix…he made me realize that it's all just…who I am, I guess?”
"Hey, as long as you two are having fun. I trust you to know what you're doing, probably better than anyone." And he doesn't need Grant's approval, not for his relationship with his actual boyfriend -- sub boyfriend? -- but still…it feels good. Maybe, Chan reflects, Felix isn't the only one with the praise kink. Grant's smiling at him now, that familiar wry grin. "Maybe you'll finally ease up on the workaholism, now that you’ve got that gorgeous boy of yours to fill your time?”
"Ha, yeah. I don't know, Grant it's— it's really good. With him, like this, it's really good." He can't help laughing, because he gets how Felix feels, honestly, it's so good between them it's overwhelming sometimes.
"You know, in retrospect, it's so obvious." Grant says. "You've been talking about him like this…at least as long as you've been talking to me about him."
His ears are going to burn to a crisp and fall off. "Yeah." He says. "Sorry."
He doesn't really know what he's apologizing for, just his own stupidity, maybe. But Grant knows him probably better than most people.
Grant's grimace isn't secondhand embarrassment though, it's…apology.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t more help when you were trying to figure your shit out. If I steered you in the wrong direction. If I’d really known how emotionally involved you were, I would have pushed you more to explore the things you were feeling.”
His tone is just the slightest bit stern, and Chan can’t resist hanging his head a little.
“Probably.” He agrees. “I just…I dunno. I didn’t ever think to question it. How I felt about him. It didn’t feel like anything I needed advice about?”
“I’m not even talking about baring your heart and soul, if you’d just given me any indication that your feelings were romantic. Told me, hey Grant, I think I have a crush on this guy. Or…fuck it, even, I’m having some very non-platonic feelings about him. Something.”
“I didn’t…know that’s what they were.”
“Christopher.” Grant says. “Christopher.”
“I’m sorry, Sir.” Chan says. The accidental title slip makes Grant laugh, and Chan can’t help joining in. “I just. The way I felt about Felix didn’t feel like I’d ever felt for any sub, I knew that much, I talked to you about that but…it also didn’t feel like anything I’d felt for any of my girlfriends. I mean. I’d been in love before. I was pretty sure I knew what that felt like."
And it's not embarrassing, telling Grant all this, even though maybe it should be. But Grant has seen him more vulnerable than almost anyone else over the years. And there's something…freeing about saying this all outloud. Not just outloud but to someone who will understand.
"The way I love Felix…it’s…not like that at all. I've never loved anyone the way I love him."
“You finally found someone you can love with your full self.” Grant tells him. Because he understands, just like Chan knew he would.
Looking back, Chan's work wasn't the only thing he'd compartmentalized. His romantic relationships had always fit in their own box. A box that had maybe been too small to contain the amount of love he's actually capable of.
'It's you loving me…as a Dom.'
There is nothing he is that his love for Felix doesn't touch.
“Yes.” He says. “Exactly. I— I don’t…have to compartmentalize myself with him. I can just be…me. All of me.”
“That’s fucking huge, Chris.” Grant says. “It really is.”
The food comes then, and the conversation turns to other, more mundane subjects, like the surprise party Grant is planning for Arthur’s birthday. It’s so good to catch up, to hear how Grant’s been doing, to reminisce and talk shop without worrying about boring other people. They’re just discussing getting coffee (Grant) and dessert (Chan, although he might just get something to bring home for Felix) when Chan’s phone buzzes again.
Felix:
home now
hope you and
Master Grant
are having
fun
Chan:
Loads of fun.
Miss you tho. Hahaha
Felix:
🫠
promise me you
won’t cut your visit short
on my account
Chan:
I promise.
If you’re sleepy, go on and head to bed.
When he looks up again, Grant is shaking his head. There's a fondness in his eyes that makes Chan feel almost shy.
"What?"
"Look at his fucking smile," Grant says, smiling himself. "Nothing, kid. It's just…fucking great to see you so happy."
"I am." Chan says. "I don't think I've ever been this happy, honestly."
"Well, it looks good on you, mate.”
Chan ducks his head, feeling his cheeks heat. But it’s a good kind of embarrassment, knowing that everyone he loves can see just how happy Felix makes him.
“Thanks. That’s what Minho said too.”
“Speaking of Minho, how’s his training going?” Grant asks, and the conversation turns to other things.
As he's asking Grant what he might want to do during his visit, a photo comes through. Felix, freshly scrubbed and lovely, in his blue heart print pajamas top. As much as Chan loves Felix sleeping in his own t-shirts, the way he drowns in all of Chan's clothes, he'll always have a soft spot for the pajamas Felix had worn the very first time he'd ever slept in Chan's bed.
His boy in his bed. He can't wait to get home to him.
Felix:
going to go
to bed
love you 🩵
Chan:
Make yourself come before you fall asleep.
Whatever toy you want to use. Then plug yourself for me.
Want you nice and open for me when I get into bed later.
Felix:
🩵
Yes Sir
By the time Grant laughingly makes him go home, Chan's mind is already half there. And then in no time, he's there for real, slipping oh so slowly into his little one’s open and welcoming hole, keeping it gentle, his arms around him, laying kisses on the nape of his neck, as he feels Felix quicken around him.
FELIX
It's a soft, half-waking, sweet sleepy pleasure kicking his brain just barely back online, almost like subspace.
"You're home." Felix sighs contentedly and snuggles deeper into Chan’s arms, feeling Chan drop a kiss on his hair.
“Mmm, you’re so warm.” Chan murmurs. He gives a few lazy thrusts that send pleasure curling through Felix, nuzzling gently into his neck. “Love you, baby.”
And this is all Felix wanted. And he finally has it. The love he deserves, from the man he loves. He is safe, he is needed, and he is loved.
There's no urgency, it's something sweet and unhurried, as Felix drifts on the edge of sleep, until the warm waves of his orgasm wash over him.
“Go back to sleep, baby.” Chan says, in that hushed, hoarse midnight voice, the one that isn’t really his dom voice but soaks into Felix’s sleepy brain in almost the same way.
He falls asleep like that, Chan’s arms tight around him, his cock inside still, connected. As close to being one as possible.
He sleeps through the alarm that Chan has turned off, until Chan wakes him. And then Felix puts on the clothes and jewelry Chan has chosen for him to wear, and does his eye make up, and then brushes his teeth until Chan comes in to kiss all the toothpaste out of his mouth.
They still have time to grab something quick before they're supposed to meet Grant to take him for a tour of Hit List. Chan orders for Felix and himself, resting a possessive hand on the small of his back and dropping a command low in Felix’s ear. Then he watches with that blistering gaze as Felix fetches his drink.
It’s all so fucking romantic, Felix could die. And every bit of it feels like love.
It’s everything Felix has dreamt it would be and more. Everything he’s wanted. It’s Chan lifting Felix like it’s nothing, from the couch in his living room, from his chair in the kitchen, even from the heated floor Felix loves so much. He’s not afraid to throw Felix around. He’s not afraid to manhandle Felix in exactly the way he wants, because he cherishes Felix in a way is so all-encompassing that he can grab Felix around the waist from behind and haul him up onto the table, he can shove him against the wall, he can throw him down on the bed or force him to his knees on the floor, and it will never feel like anything but love, because he’s giving Felix exactly what he wants, and because he wants it like that just as much as Felix does, because they were…made for each other.
It’s Chan’s eyes flicking up and down, slowly, licking at him like flame, until Felix is burning from the inside out. Not only at work in Room 318. Not in stolen moments they aren’t supposed to have. Just Chan, looking up as he walks into the room, his eyes full of love and possession. Any room. Every room. Because there are no moments they can’t have now. They can have it all. Every moment.
He’d thought he could never love Chan more but he was wrong Because every day he falls deeper. And it’s not scary. How could it be, when every time Chan looks at him, he’s stripped clean, cradled in Chan’s gaze. Falling. Falling. And always caught, and kept. And claimed.
CHAN
The chain of marks on Felix’s neck is fading again. Chan knows Felix is conscious of it as well; he's been poking at them on and off all day, almost absent-mindedly, like he’s testing to see if they still ache.
Those yellowing bruises have been in the back of Chan’s thoughts all day, like a problem that needs solving. In the light of his kitchen, they steal all his focus, laser sharp as he slips into Domspace.
He had wondered what it would be like, if he had the freedom to do this, and now he does. And it's perfect, the boundaries that they'd so painstakingly erected melted away as if they never existed. Instead, there's a never ending feedback loop. It’s that afternoon at Lotte World, but all the time. That golden ring is always within reach. It’s not the slow methodical build up he used to have with his playlist and his outfits and his eye make up. It’s not the teeth-jarring, juddering thud of standing in his living room and seeing marks another Dom had made on his little one.
This is Domspace as a constant humming in the back of his mind, ready to spark, instant and effortless, on a look or a touch or a glance. Or on a ring of too faded bruises around Felix's throat. He puts firm hands on Felix’s hips to turn him roughly around and Felix goes easily.
“Chin up, baby.” Chan murmurs, and Felix obediently lifts his chin, as Chan tips a finger under the sharp point of it, exposing Felix’s throat to the light.
With his other hand, he traces the shape of the mark closest to him, pressing into the firm give of the mottled purple gold skin, feeling the quick rise and fall of Felix’s throat as he gasps.
“Can you fix it, Sir?” His voice is as plaintive as if it’s the first time, his eyes huge and liquid as they catch the light.
“Of course, little one.”
Chan can do anything his little one needs. His senses are perfectly attuned to Felix for just that purpose. It’s what he was born for.
Felix gives a little sigh, relief and desire. “Thank you, Sir.”
He lifts Felix up on the counter to have better access, stepping between Felix's legs, and lifting them so they wrap around his waist. Felix isn't wearing anything but underwear beneath his long shirt, and when he cups Felix's ass to pull him tighter against himself, he feels the press of Felix's cock against his belly. The sensation is sweet like honey, a teeth-aching tenderness.
"My little one, already half hard just from the idea of being marked." He croons. Felix’s cock stiffens further. "You need your Sir to stake his claim again?"
Again and again and again.
"Please, Sir. I want everyone to know I'm yours." A velvet gravel plea, also honey sweet.
"Let’s get you all the way there, hmm?” He says, grabbing hold of the golden hair twisted into a bun at the nape of Felix's neck, using it to bare his throat at just the angle he wants. “I want you to ache for me baby, just a little."
Felix shudders beneath his mouth, as he sucks the first mark. "All I do is ache for you, Sir."
With an effort, Chan pushes down his sudden urge to hoist Felix's ankles over his shoulders and drive into Felix’s aching hole, wrap a hand around Felix’s aching cock while he fucks him slow and deep.
All in good time, once he's finished. For now, he focuses on his task. The taste of Felix’s skin, the jump of Felix's pulse under Chan’s lips, the sighs he makes.
"Let me hear you, baby." Chan says, "Let me hear how much you love being mine."
Felix's throat vibrates beneath his mouth, as a lovely lush moans leak out of him. Chan goes slow and deliberate, pausing to stroke each refreshed bruise with his thumb, just to make Felix moan even louder.
"You look so pretty like this." He says, "So perfect with my marks collaring your throat."
It’s his favorite sight in the world. He’d wanted this for so, so long, and the knowledge that Felix wants it just as much, that he begs to keep it, makes it absolutely perfect. Felix's cock is rock hard and steadily leaking precum. He’s so, so close, just from this.
"You love being claimed so much you don't even need Sir to touch you, do you? My pretty little slut. Mine and no one else’s.”
His little one’s answer comes slow and syrup sweet. “Yours’, Sir.”
“You can come for me, baby. If you want.”
And then he takes his time with the last mark, sucking hard right where Felix’s racing pulse beats in his throat, and Felix comes with a lush, deep groan, his little fingers clutching the countertop, cum soaking through his underwear. Just from Chan’s marks collaring his throat and his permission.
Chan licks slow over the bruise he's just made, feeling the quick rise and fall of Felix’s panting breaths. Then he pulls back, biting his cheek to keep from grinning. Felix’s face is flushed the same rose that chases down the low neck of his shirt, his eyes glazed.
“Baby, baby what am I going to do with you?”
Felix blinks at him slowly, raises his eyes to Chan’s.
“Love me, Sir.”
The marks around Felix’s throat are lurid and perfect, and Chan’s love is a full, weighted thing, his whole heart in his chest.
***
Felix still pauses by every mirror they pass to examine his renewed marks with reverent fingers, tipping his head from side to side so he can see them all. Chan just watches him, drinking in the sight of it, will never get tired of the way his baby wants to be his, the happiness so intense Chan feels like he’s breathing it like air.
"You're so fucking pretty, wearing my marks."
"I wish they didn't fade so fast." Felix says, with a flash of a little pout that makes Chan lean over and kiss him.
"I can just fix them again when they fade." He promises.
“What about when those fade? Are you going to keep doing this?” Felix teases, playful smile and content eyes.
"Maybe I will." Chan says. "Maybe I’ll make it permanent this way. Just keep refreshing them."
"You could," Felix agrees, throwing him a sparkling sideways glance through his lashes. "Or you know, you could get an actual permanent collar, or whatever."
The words thud through Chan, heavy and right.
"Yeah?" He tries to keep it light. "You'd wear my collar, baby?"
"In a heartbeat, Chris."
And Chan knows now why it took so long for him to understand that this is love.
Because he has never loved anyone the way he loves Felix. And he never will.
Felix is his one and only, his forever. His soulmate. So how could Chan not be completely and utterly in love with him? How could he not dream of how far they can go together?
'You were made for me.'
He’s never really meant it before. Not like this. Because he and Felix? They were made for each other.