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Edwin cannot remember the last time, if ever at all, that Charles had been this angry with him.
He walked out. He said 'see you later Edwin' and then he left. Without telling Edwin where he's going. Without looking at him.
This can't be right. The words don't feel like they make sense. Charles has just left.
Slowly, he sinks to his knees. No, he collapses. No, he shatters. Charles just left him. How could that be?
He's crying before he knows it. Big desperate tears are rolling down his face. He clutches at his chest, and he knows he makes for a cliché picture all alone on the floor of the office, but he can't bring himself to care. He can't even think properly right now. This has never happened before.
Of course Edwin has fucked up before. He froze up in cases many a times, he overlooked simple solutions and made things worse for many more, he snapped at Charles and was impatient and unkind and self-centered and selfish. But Charles never reacted like that before. He was quick to forgive and quicker so forget and sometimes he moved on from Edwin's offence without needing to hear an apology at all. He was generous like that. The kindest person Edwin knew. He never thought one day he'll manage to truly aggravate him.
Charles had screamed at him for hours, just now. He said some truly awful things. Asked if Edwin thinks him an idiot. Called him selfish and uncaring. Accused him of never having truly seen Charles, if that's truly what he thinks is best for him. Of not wanting to see him. Of not really loving him.
That stung. That stings. Charles must know how much Edwin loves him. He loves him so. He loves him so much he didn't say a word in his defense, all throughout the night, throughout the yelling.
And Charles is right. Edwin is selfish. He hid the true nature of the spell from Charles in the first place because he knew bloody well how Charles will receive that. He knew how unhappy Charles will be with him, and he did it anyway. And he would have again.
The tears do not stop.
Charles doesn't come back at nightfall, like Edwin expected him to. For a moment he panics, but the spell would have directed any pain Charles should feel towards him, so surely Edwin would have known if anything was trying to cause him harm.
He wants to go looking for him so badly. To follow him till the end of the earth, as far as Charles will allow him to go, as near as Charles will allow him to come. He wants to track him down and make his case and force Charles to understand. But he can't. He already disrespected Charles's wishes once. He can't do it a second time.
But he doesn't regret it, is the thing. Not even a little. It is only logical, in his opinion. Charles could vanish into oblivion from experiencing too much pain, has almost did. Edwin can endure. Charles is bothered by the pain in a way Edwin just isn't, not really. Why not let him make use of this skill, turn this burden into a power? Why not let him protect Charles, spare him what little discomfort he can?
It's not like he managed to save him. But this, at least – this little much – he can do.
Charles steps through the mirror late in the morning, while Edwin is curled up on the couch and indulging in his misery and self-pity.
"Ready to lift this spell yet?" he asks as a way of announcing himself, and Edwin startles and turns behind himself to look at him. Charles looks as awful as Edwin feels, and a small voice in the back of his head lets him know it's his fault.
"Charles," he whispers.
"Hi, mate," Charles says, because he's the kindest person in the world and never could resist giving Edwin what small mercy he can. But he doesn't smile. He raises one eyebrow instead.
Edwin sighs. "Please, Charles," he says, "just try to see the reason in my actions-"
He doesn't get any further because Charles walks straight through the mirror without another word.
Tears are already gathering in his eyes, but the worst thing – the absolute worst thing of it all – is that his throat starts to hurt almost immediately, and Edwin knows it means that Charles is crying too.
The next time Charles returns goes quite similar, and so does the one after that. Every day or two he checks in to see if Edwin changed his mind yet, but Edwin doesn't sway. Sure, he wants Charles back. Sure, being here in the office all alone without him feels awful. But, as was stated before, Edwin is quite endurable. He can take it. And even if Charles doesn't see it that way, he really is doing this for him. He's taking his pain. That is an admirable cause, and not something he intends to stop doing just because Charles doesn't want him to. And if Charles's wishes, which Edwin highly regards, cannot stop him from sparing his best friend from pain; then a little bit of loneliness sure won't either.
Edwin's been lonely before. He's been mostly lonely, before. He knows it well. He can take it.
About a week after their fight, Edwin is surprised by a sharp wave of pain in his arm, unprompted and lacking a clear cause. He knows it's Charles's pain. So far, since discovering the true nature of the spell, Charles has been extremely careful and kept himself away from harm while he was out doing god knows what. Edwin didn't feel even a scratch.
(And isn't it funny? Years of trying to get Charles to take his own safety seriously, and turns out all he had to do was make his safety affect Edwin too.)
Edwin looks down at his own hand. He won't see the injury, of course. The skin looks whole and normal. It's Charles's hand that bleeds now.
He has exactly two seconds to begin worrying about where Charles might be and whether he is okay before the boy himself stumbles into the room.
"Edwin!" he calls. "I'm so sorry, mate, I didn't look where I was going and-"
"It is quite alright, Charles," he interrupts and says, because it is. And because for the first time in a week Charles looks at him with something other than anger, and it feels fantastic. It feels like the sun. Edwin reaches out a hand towards him, and Charles takes a step back.
For a long moment they stand staring at each other. Edwin's hand falls to his side.
"Just wanted to apologize, didn't I," Charles mutters. He turns his eyes down. "For the pain."
"It's nothing," Edwin says. Your absence hurts much more.
Charles swallows. "Ready to take off this spell yet?"
He doesn't look at Edwin, keeps his eyes stubbornly at his shoes. Edwin knows this look. This is him bracing for a blow.
"Charles…" he says helplessly, and his nonexistent heart breaks a little.
"Right," Charles whispers, and is gone again in a blink.
In the end, Edwin caves first.
It's been a month and he doesn't know how much longer he can keep going like this. This is one of the most miserable months of his life, and he was in hell.
He's in the games closet (trying to organize a little, with nothing better to do, to keep himself busy. Already reorganized their entire book collection on the first week and has half a mind to redo it again but this time chronologically by year) when a crushing wave of sorrow takes over him.
Their first-ever Cluedo game that they played together is peering at him from the top shelf.
Edwin takes it gently in his hands, stroking the dusty cover. He remembers that day. It was such a lovely day. Edwin never played it before, it came out only after his death, but Charles explained the rules to him and showed him the ropes. He insisted they play it, even though Edwin was reluctant to try modern games. He said Edwin would love it.
His knees buckle under him. He falls to the floor, clutching the box in his arms.
He can't help it. He misses Charles like a limb. This is selfish of him, so selfish, but he needs him back. Whatever the cost. Even if Charles will be the one to pay the price. He just needs him back.
He opens his mouth before Charles has the chance to, when he steps through the mirror some time later.
"I'll take it off," he says, and it's a bitter defeat and a displaying of weakness, how he can't be on his own for one month to spare the best person he knows from some pain. But he can't, he can't, he can't.
And afterwards, when they are sitting together at the sofa and the spell is off for good and they both feel tensed and awkward and don't know what to say, and Edwin is feeling miserable and tired and afraid he ruined things forever between them, Charles suddenly tackles him in the biggest hug one can dream of getting.
"Missed you," he chokes, eyes welling up with tears. "Don't ever do that again. The last month was hell, Edwin."
What do you know of hell? He thinks but doesn't say out loud. He hugs Charles back with all his might. "I missed you too."