Chapter Text
Rimmer woke up on the floor of the bunk room with a skull splitting headache
That’s the first and last time he goes to a party with Lister and his friends.
He has a vague memory of competing, and winning, a drinking game against Selby. He pulls himself off the floor and has to reel back from the headache. Lister was asleep in his bed with white frosting and sprinkles around his mouth.
He looks to the table and finds a cake with a slice taken out, that would explain the mess around Lister's mouth.
A run.
He‘ll go for a run.
Another short memory comes back of the captain chugging an entire bottle of wine while in a chicken suit as the crew around him yells “chug!”
He doubts anyone will be working.
Rimmer slips on a new uniform and leaves the bunk room
He runs down the halls at a soft pace so as to not kill himself with a headache.
He runs past a catering worker and the ship's physiatrist, they smile and wave at him.
He waves back out of politeness but halts after he’s turned the corner.
What was that?
Why did they even look at him?
Rimmer took the same route on the ship every day for his runs, never once has either of them waved and smiled at him…
What happened at that party?
Officer Brown walked past and grinned widely at him “Goodmorning Rimmer!”
“Good…morning?”
Rimmer rubbed his head, this can’t be happening, no one, especially not an officer, ever treats him like this?
Brown seemed to take his action the wrong way she held a sympathetic look on her face “Not handling that hangover well? Get some herbal tea from the 56th vending machine, right down the hall. It always helps me with a hang over!”
Rimmer nodded and smiled “Will do, thanks!”
“Hollister says no working for a few days so everyone can get better, have a nice day Rimmer!”
“You too!”
He didn’t need herbal tea, he needed answers and he needed them now.
He ran quickly directly to Peterson's quarters and knocked lightly “Peterson are you in there?”
The door slid open and the Dutchman stood very groggily in front of him “What you need rims?”
“Now I know this might be a loaded question, but, What happened last night at the party?”
Peterson rubbed the back of his head and yawned “I’ll give ya my camera, took a shit ton of photos and videos last night” He turned around and handed Rimmer a small cheap camera “I don’t need it anytime soon, I’m going back to bed.”
Rimmer started walking backwards “Have a nice sleep Peterson… Nobody's working today…”
“Sweet.” With that the door slid back shut and Rimmer made his way back to his quarters
Picking up two herbal teas from vending machine 56 on his way.
He got back to his room after a few more uncomfortable moments with other crew members in the halls.
Once back in the room he found Lister sitting on the floor eating another slice of cake with his hand.
“Hi Rimmeh!”
“Good morning Lister, I’ve got Peterson's camera…”
Lister's eyes shone “Oooo we're going through it!”
“That’s right!”
He set the camera up in front of both of them on the floor and pressed a button to play the first video it was a pretty short one of Rimmer and Selby chugging down beers before Selby choked up and almost coughed up a lung while Rimmer threw his hand up in celebration.
The next few files were a series of photos of the group getting progressively more drunk until they were presented with a photo of lister laying in Rimmer’s lap and drinking out a bottle
They tried to ignore the strange tension between them as it moved to the next video where shockingly Lister was sat in Rimmer’s lap with his arms wrapped around his neck. Rimmer looked to be playing a mix between Goldfish and UNO against another 2nd technician who was equally as drunk.
Rimmer seemed to have won because current Rimmer and Lister watched in horror as on screen Lister pulled on screen Rimmer into a passionate kiss as the other technician shouted in anger and apparently stormed away.
Rimmer and Lister didn’t breathe as they watched on screen Lister started to run his hands through Rimmer’s hair and whimpered.
They heard Peterson make a muffled joke off camera before Lister threw his hand in front of the camera and the video ended.
Rimmer’s hand visibly shook as he pressed to the next series of photos consisting of Rimmer and Lister holding each other and dancing on the dance floor. The next video started and Rimmer and Lister, still shell shocked from the last video, were met with Rimmer standing in the middle of the dance floor chugging down a bottle of WKD as the crowd around him chanted his name before cheering loudly as he raised the bottle triumphantly in the air and shaking it upside down to prove he had drank the entire thing.
The crowd cheered even louder, with a few shocked gasps and giggles, when Lister crossed the dance floor and threw himself face first to knock Rimmer to the ground and kiss him.
The next series of photos were just a great collection of Selby and Chen being stupid, crossed with Lister and Rimmer making out or cuddling on a chair.
They came to the last video of the camera
It started with Lister break dancing on the dance floor while people cheered and laughed around him the camera then turned to face a very very VERY drunk Rimmer sat at the bar, dozely watching Lister.
Peterson from behind the camera started his bit, slurring all his words together to the point it just sounded like one word "Welcome back to chatting with the drunk and the stupid! Rimmer, how has your night of drinking been!”
“Wonderful! Don’t think I’ll EVER have a night as good as this in the near future”
“Cuz you got to make out with Davy?”
“Yep-yep-yep you’ve hit the nail right on the head milado I got to make out with the devil of my dreams! He’s just as disgusting and beautiful as I expected… bit more sexual though… not that I’m complaining!”
They heard Chen and Peterson laugh loudly behind the camera before Chen started talking “yeah you guys snuck off to the bathrooms earlier for a little more than a snog I suspect?”
Rimmers face turned red and he splashed the contents of his drink into Chen's face “shut up chicken legs!”
“Who’s topping tonight!”
Lister was suddenly in frame, wrapping his arms around Rimmer for probably the 20th time that night “I’ve got the top bunk so obviously its gonna be me, ain’t it rimsy~” there was a loud squeak out off Listers mouth when his arse was quickly grabbed “Keep dreaming sweetie, that arse is mine!”
The video ended with Rimmer and Lister kissing again while Peterson and Chen laughed
“There’s no more…”
Rimmer sat with his legs aggressively crossed to hide his aggressive hard on “we have no clue what happened after that…”
Lister grabbed the camera and climbed up into his bed “well considering me arse hole feels like it’s been ran through 10 times and I woke up on the floor next to your bunk, I think it’s safe to say we fucked.”
Lister started looking through the video of Rimmer chugging on the dance floor and found Kochanski in the crowd, he watched in awe as Kochanski's face went from shocked to a strange look of anger when Lister started making out with Rimmer in front of everyone
Meanwhile Rimmer paced back and forth muttering to himself
“Rimmer… I’ve got a proposal for you.” He climbed down from the bunk
Rimmer pounced backwards like a cat “LISTER! For io sake no wonder Kochanski left you! We've slept together once and now you want to wed?!”
Lister stared aimlessly at him “Not that kind of proposal! No, if we pretend to date, Kochanski will think that I moved on and get jealous!”
Rimmer looked appalled “And what am I getting out of this? NOTHING! I don’t want the entire ship to think we’re repeatedly bumping uglys just so you can make your ex jealous! THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL!”
“The ship already thinks that, Todhunter left us a cake to celebrate us coming out!”
Rimmer shook his head and stormed out the room, giving a nasty look at the cake still sitting on the table on the way out.