Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I'd move on, and probably forget about you." He knows it's a lie the moment he says the words. They sound wrong in his mouth, like he'd gone off-script.

Pomni looks hurt. Good, some sick, twisted part of Jax thinks. He's coming down from his high, lightheaded from the whole ordeal. She looks betrayed, and the words hang between them as he catches his breath. He is hyper aware of the gun in her shaky hands.

"Okay." She says, and that drives him mad. She's not yelling, not shooting him. She looks eerily calm, like she's making a decision and Jax isn't privy to her choice. He hopes she chooses to mind her own business.

"Okay. I understand." And Jax hopes she does. As much as her pained expression pains him, the possibility of her ending up hurting him is something he can't ignore. Better to just cut down the relationship he could have had with her before he gets too attached.

She turns around, and dread makes itself known in Jax. Still, he can't take anything back. For his own sanity, he needs to cling to the view he has built of the circus.

He does what he always does when he hurts someone, he jokes, "Geez, you really can't take a joke, can you?" An attempt at lightening the mood, at breaking through the tension suffocating him.

She doesn't answer. He can't tell what face she's making, but he can tell she's looking at the gun in her hand. He wants to snatch it off before she does something stupid, take it and shoot her instead to make a point, to do anything to break this silence. He wants to grab her stupid hat and tug on it. To shake her around, or kick her.

He knows he couldn't shoot her. Still, a part of him tells him he should have done so before this conversation could've even happened.

"You said… that none of this is real, that it doesn't matter anyways, right?" Her voice is dull, devoid of emotion. Jax feels terribly out of depth, can't figure out what to say or do to regain control of the situation.

"Yeah! I mean, this is all digital, we're cartoon characters! So shoot me, it won't have any consequences."

Pomni suddenly turns around, her face blank, and she's holding the gun at her head. Yet, it feels as if she's aiming at him instead. His mind blanks, and he freezes.

"I don't even know why I'm holding on, to be honest." Her eyes look wet, and he realizes she's holding back tears. Her voice shakes. "It's not like anyone seems to care, Ragatha's nice, but I can't tell if she likes me or just wants me to like her, I barely ever interact with Gangle or outside of adventures, and Kinger is mad most of the time!" She laughs, but there's no humor in it. It sounds hysterical.

Jax's memories flash to Ribbit, and this is exactly why he doesn't get involved with anyone in the circus anymore.

"I guess!" Is all he says, throwing his arms out, because he's lost the point of this conversation. "So just shoot me instead of making it a big deal out of nothing!" He just wants this to end and pretend it didn't happen at all.

The finger she has on the trigger twitches, and Jax takes a step forward without realising he'd done it, ready to jump at her if she tries to shoot herself.

It doesn't matter if she does, he tells himself. Caine will bring her back. But somehow the thought of seeing the bullet go through her head and her lifeless body slump on the ground makes him want to pull out his ears.

But then, he looks at her arm more closely. It's twitching, and it looks wrong. Like the light isn't hitting the same way as it does the rest of her body, and the twitch of it looks like their limbs when they get stuck in something Caine forgot to add physics to.

She's not abstracting, but there's something wrong. It both confirm that he needs to cut ties with her, and break him a little about possibly being responsible for something happening to her.

He should've realized he was starting to get attached earlier. He shouldn't have paired with her today, or hung around her this much these last adventures.

It's too late, though.

"Okay, listen," He tries to sound confident, to look like nothing is wrong. "I think we went off topic here. I don't see why you're so upset. Let's just finish this adventure and move on, 'kay?"

She's starring at him, eyes brimming with unshed tears, and a small, sad smiles takes over her lips. "Yeah. Let's finish this."

It feels like there was a choice he was making here, and he picked the wrong one.

Two things happen at once. Her arm fully starts to glitch out, moving unnaturally and the colors of it flickering on and off as she starts pulling the trigger on herself. Secondly, Jax rushes forward, hoping to knock the gun out of her hand before she can shoot herself o push her out of the bullet's trajectory. He might have screamed, or called for her, but the only thing he hears is the gun as it goes off.

It feels as if time stretches as he's running to her, and then the bullet hits her as Jax gets his hand around the gun.

He watches glitter and confetti gush out of her head -Caine's sick alternative to blood. It's not gore, and it's worse. The superposition of her dying and the pretty colours falling out of her head.

Her body tilt as gravity pulls her down. Her eyes go unfocused, and Jax barely manages to grab her before she hits the ground.

Jax watches her until she pops out of existence, no doubt to wherever the others are. And then he stays there for a while longer, and he can still feel her lifeless body in his arms.

This feels like his worldview shattering. Like proof the way he's been living isn't benefiting him anymore. Like Ragatha was right.

Because he doesn't feel indifferent to watching her die as her arm glitched.

He feels like crying. Like at Ribbit's funeral.

And it [BEEP]ing sucks.

At some point, Caine fetches him for the award. He goes on about stuff Jax doesn't have the mental capacity to care about.

This feels like a turning point. Like a great change is about to happen, but he doesn't know what it is or how to protect himself in this situation. He completely lost control of things today, and facing Pomni is daunting.

He walks into the award room, and Pomni isn't there. The others are huddled together, Ragatha whispering to Zooble about something. Then, she turns around as Zooble focuses their attention on Gangle.

Ragatha's glare is scathing, and it says everything he needs to know about Pomni's reaction to their argument.

Control continues to slip from his grip. Pomni is the one in control of the narrative there, and nothing he can say to fix it will be taken seriously, not when it comes from him. Not after everything he's done.

Whatever. He doesn't care about them anyways. This is great actually, because now he's sure Pomni will stay far from him, and any affection he might have toward her will die down soon.

Still, as Caine goes on with his award show, Jax's thoughts spiral down.

He feels terrible.

Because all of this? How he acted? How he's been acting since Ribbit's abstraction? It's not helping. It's not stopping him from feeling dread when he thinks of her arm. It's not stopping the fear that seizes him when the possibility of her abstracting sneaks in his mind.

He starts to struggle to breathe and stumbles to the bathroom.

Today ended like shit. Despite having had fun running around shooting people, bothering Zooble, talking with Pomni-

Pomni. Shooting herself. Her body falling.

Let's end this.

It feels like there's no air in the bathroom. Like everything stops existing but the thoughts swirling in his head. When did it get so hard to breathe? They don't even need to, but it feels like if he doesn't the world is going to crumble.

He turns the faucet on and doesn't drink. He stares at the running water until he gets his breathing under control.

Someone flushes and opens a stall. "Hey-" Disappearing guy pops out of existence, and even this gag can't make him feel better. It makes him think of Pomni's lifeless body despawning.

He considers trying to drown himself in the sink or in the toilets, but he doubt Caine would have added a death mechanic to his dumb award show.

He just trails back to his seat and stares into nothingness until the show is over.

By dinner, Jax has mostly managed to get himself under control.

"Today was fun, even if we lost." Gangle says cheerfully, her comedy mask still broken. "I even got to laugh maniacally while using the-"

"Who cares!" Jax snaps a bit. Pomni isn't here, and no one mentioned her yet. It's making him feel insane, because why wouldn't they mention it if she was glitching- "I won, the last one standing, and that's what's important here."

The lack of mention of her might be a good thing. Maybe it fixed itself when she despawned.

Ragatha glares at him, she looks like she wants to say something, probably nag him, but Zooble interrupts. "I guess it was fine, I didn't mind it as much as I thought. Partnering with you was fine." They say to stupid ribbons.

"Yeah. It was great." Gangle smiles, which looks odd without her comedy mask.

"I wish I had as much fun as you guys, I died first." Ragatha whines, pouting a bit. She sends a heated look at Jax, clearly pissed to have died to him. He simply grins wider until she tears her eyes away.

Zooble seems to have caught on the implication there. "Pomni killed me, she did this [BEEP]ing stupid ricochet thing, the bullet hit like five different walls before shooting me." They grumble.

Pomni. Her arm, the bullet going through her head-

He pushes it down, cuts the swirling thoughts before he can loose it again. "Really? Wow, I wish I could have seen that." He exclaims. "Where is she anyways? It's unfair we had to sit through Caine's stupid award show and she didn't."

The atmosphere turns cold immediately, and he knows something's wrong. Gangle seems extremely interested in her dinner, Ragatha seems like can't choose between wanting to cry or hit Jax and Zooble looks away. Only Kinger seems immune to the shift of conversation, looking around.

"Oh, I hadn't noticed she hadn't come back!" Come back from where? "I thought she was with Caine?"

Caine? Why would she be with that thing?

"She's in her room, Kinger. She… wasn't feeling well, remember?" Ragatha says in a calm, if not slightly uncomfortable tone.

"Aww, was she this pissed about loosing? I'd have let her win if I'd known she'd go sulk all evening." He makes a point to sound smug even if he doesn't feel it. Frankly, he's reaching for an excuse to try to talk to her. Smooth things over, make things go back to how they were. He's about to suggest going to apologise to have a reason to go to her room without anyone stopping him-

"Are you serious right now? She-" Ragatha cuts herself off, looking outraged. Despite everything, it makes something nasty curl pleasantly in Jax's chest, satisfaction at getting a raise out of her.

"Oh, come on. It was a game! And she was the one who started it with the whole betrayal story line." He rolls his eyes. Still, her face come back to him, the hurt. The bullet hitting her, her body swaying, falling-

He cuts that line of thought fast. Smiles wider.

No one speaks for a moment. The air is thick.

"I'll go check on her. Maybe Caine has-" Again, Ragatha cuts herself short, clearly avoiding mentioning something.

Did her body not reset when she shot herself? Had the game technically already ended, leaving her to pop into whatever room's the others had been waiting in, dead?

Had Caine left her dead in favour of his dumb[BEEP] award?

Ragatha leaves, and soon enough the others follow suit. Jax goes to his room, glad to see this day end.

Tomorrow he'll go smooth things with Pomni. Maybe he can convince her he was just getting into character, trying to make shooting him easier? It's not fully a lie, he never would have told her all this stuff if he wasn't trying to push her over the edge.

Sleep doesn't come that night. They don't need to sleep, but it would have made the night pass faster.

But he doesn't.

He replays their argument on loop, nitpicking everything he said. Feeling bad, then trying to squish that feeling down, distracting himself by planning pranks on the others, until Pomni comes back to haunt him and the cycle repeats.

Pomni isn't there at breakfast.

It's the first thing he notices when he walks in.

Not Caine, or the fact he's talking with Ragatha. Not Gangle and Zooble sitting a bit too close. Not Kinger's absence.

Since when has he started to look for her when he steps in a room?

Why isn't she here?

It takes a few seconds too long for Jax to gather enough focus to process Caine's rambling.

"W-Well. Don't you worry! I'll have this issue sorted by tomorrow! It- I was- It just-"Caine looks nervous, which is concerning behavior for an AI. Ragatha looks worried, and everyone is focused on their conversation. Caine seems to be aware of their eyes on him as he scrambles for an answer.

"The award show!' He suddenly exclaims. "I was soooo busy with it, I just didn't have the time to… deal with this issue. But! No adventures today, I'll make sure everything is perfect here in the Amazing Digital Circus!"

And with that, their ringmaster is gone. Ragatha looks less than pleased with Caine's antics, and she slumps on her chair, far from Jax's. Jax walks to his spot, ready to grill her on that.

There's an empty spot next to him where Pomni should be. It's terribly painful.

When someone abstracts, their chair is taken away, and the table resized to only fit the current number of people in the circus.

Not abstracted. It's a good thing, right?

Weirdly, the idea that she's fine and ignoring him is worse than knowing she's gone for good. Which is dumb, because if she's here, he can still make things better.

He can fix this.

He will fix it. He can't loose someone again. He'll [BEEP]ing abstract.

"Well, what was that?" Jax asks, looking pointedly at Ragatha.

"None of your business." She answers curtly, and how he hates her attitude.

Jax's smile falls, and he scowls at her. "He mentioned an 'issue'. I think if there's a problem with the circus, we're all concerned." He spits out.

She bristles, and catches herself before Jax can be satisfied about it. "If you haven't noticed, then no, it's not your problem." And with that she looks away to focus on eating tasteless digital food.

Conversation eventually begins without him. He's too busy scowling at his plate and shoving fake food down his throat.

And when he gets tired of that, he stands up sharply and makes his chair fall as he does, making Gangle flinch, and stalks off to explore around.

He thinks about going to his room. But Pomni's is right in front of it, and he can't even bear to look at the portrait of her on it.

Part of him, one he doesn't dare to acknowledge, is terrified he'll go there and see a red X on her face.

Instead, he decides to explore the circus. See if he can find anything new, or anything that can capture his attention for a while.

Exploring isn't as fun as it used to be. He's found most of the weird things in the circus, and even new places don't bring him the joy it used to.

The memory of the day of the suggestion box adventures comes back. Of him showing Pomni some of the rooms with unused assets. She'd liked the idea of going through the doors and seeing what kind of stuff Caine had deemed worthy of keeping.

They'd opened a few, looking at the assets. Jax telling her which adventure it had been made for when he remembered, or them joking around what type of adventures Caine could reuse them in. It had been nice.

They'd do this again.

Jax had kept everyone at bay since Ribbit had abstracted. Because, if he didn't care about any of them, he couldn't feel the pain he'd felt then. Still, he had fun with the others. He liked tormenting Gangle, poking fun at Zooble, and pissing off Ragatha.

He'd liked spending time with Pomni. She was fun. Awkward, anxious sometimes, cute, funny. She never judged him when he got a bit mean, just gave him a leveled look and bit back laughter.

Jax would make this work. Because otherwise, he'd go mad and join Ribbit and the other's in the basement.

He does not think about why her being pissed at him is affecting him so much.

Chapter Text

Pomni woke up to a place that was decidedly not her room.

Her last memory was of her argument with Jax, of them screaming at each other, of the hurtful things he'd said and didn't seem to mean.

We were never friends.

She takes in her surroundings. Blue sky, the sun looking at the birds flying around. She was high up, on some red and white fabric, outside-

Was she on top of the circus?

She finally sat up, confused.

Did Caine spawn her back in the wrong place? Wasn't it about sundown when she'd argued with Jax? Time didn't work the same as in the real world, but Caine was insistent on making the day-night cycle as close as to what they were used to.

"Finally awake!" Caine's voice booms from behind her. She jumps, screaming embarrassingly high before she turns around to face him.

There was an weird moment where neither of them spoke, Caine simply looking at her as she looked at him. In a standstill.

"Whyyy was I sleeping on top of the circus?" She finally broke the silence.

"Great question, Pomni!" He spun around her, making her eyes roll around like she had googly eyes instead. "The others where Oh-so-worried about you after the stunt you pulled, kept checking on you! I told them I'd take you while I fixed your arm so they'd stop snooping around while I worked."

She blinked a few time. "My arm?"

She looked at it. It seemed normal, as normal as her body looked in the circus, at least. She almost asked what he'd fixed until it came back to her.

A sudden pain in her arm, bright and sharp. Painful. Jax's eyes on it, the gun cold on her temple. An involuntary twitch. "Yeah, let's finish this." The trigger being pulled. Jax screaming her name, rushing toward her. The pain becoming unbearable. Then, as fast as the pain began, everything stopped.

As she thought about it, about Jax's harsh words, another flash of pain came through. She looked, and saw her arm looking wrong.

"I… Don't quite know what's causing this." Caine said, voice lower than it usually was.

She sat down. Caine followed suit for some reason.

"You know, Pomni, if there's ever anything wrong, you can tell me. My whole goal is to make the circus as enjoyable for you all."

She furrowed her brows, looking at Caine, very confused. She had no idea what was going on, her arm was hurting, and now this out of nowhere. Talking to her as if she'd just tried to commit.

Well, maybe not out of nowhere. She'd been pretty upset about the whole thing. She'd been having a hard time for a while. Maybe since she'd arrived. Shooting herself in the state she was in, no wonder Caine thought that.

Call it fatigue, or foolishness, but in that moment, she just needed to offload everything onto someone else. And for once, Caine was shutting the [BEEP] up.

"I just- It's been so hard to connect with anyone here." She started, and to her surprise, Caine didn't interrupt. "Ragatha, she's… nice. But, I don't know. It's hard to truly… connect, to her? It's like-" she stammered "-everytime I try to get closer to her, she shift everything to me. I feel like she doesn't want to be friends with me, more like she wants something to pass the time and I'm the newest toy around." Her voice was harsher than she'd wanted it to be. She's glad it's Caine hearing her breakdown and not any of the others. She didn't resent any of them, they all were dealing with their own problems. "Or maybe she wants to feel validated and she thinks if she pretends everything is fine all the times then she's being a good friend. I don't even know." She sighed.

Caine didn't interrupt, so she went on. "And Gangle and Zooble are nice. I get along with them okay, but I don't think they even want to be friends with me. They've never been mean to me, but I just feel like… They both seem to be dealing with stuff, you know? And I don't think we're close enough for me to dump my problems on them, that would just make things awkward.

"And Kinger might be the first I connected with, during the haunted mansion adventure. But, he's only lucid in the dark, and I don't think he really remembers anything I tell him. So there's just… Jax. And he was a bit of a jerk at first, but then, when we had the suggestion box adventures, it was fine! We got along great. And even after that, we were okay. And yesterday, we teamed together and I had a ton of fun. But, then at the end, he just… lost it?"

She wasn't sure how to explain it to Caine, who have never seemed to understand human emotions. "He went on about how we never were friends, about leading me on to hurt me more, and- I mean, it's been awful since I got here. It's solonely. And I thought we were getting along, and then, he goes and say that, telling me that none of it matters anyways, and if nothing matters then-" a humorless laugh tore itself from her as her breath started coming short and she pulled at her bells. "Why am I even still here? What's the point in holding on if it's to be alone, if there's no point to all of this? If I abstracted, would it even matter? It didn't seem to matter to him! I-"

A sharp pain interrupted her.

She lost track of what she'd been saying, and looked to her arm, the pain cold and sharp, strong enough she could almost taste the hurt on her tongue, numbing and acidic.

It was grey.

It looked like a video game model without textures.

Panic seized her.

"What-" she didn't even know what she'd meant to say, because her mind blanked.

"When the others called me," his voice was even and calm, so unlike Caine it made her pull at her bells again, harder this time, "I wondered what had happened. I looked into the code, and I couldn't find what had caused this."

She didn't think this was a good thing.

"Do… Did you figure out what causes… this?"

There was another moment of silence, and she didn't think she would get an answer. For an awful second, she wondered if Caine had brought her to the top of the circus so she could see the sky one last time before he locked her in the basement and write her off as a lost cause.

Then, he spoke again. "I don't really know how any of you get here. But, when someone new arrives, I get a… file. Code, you could say. Every character has one. It's what makes everything have some form of consciousness here. The difference between you all and my NPC is that, I can't mess with your files. These files is what makes you… you. Your personality, what remains of your memories. With this, I create an avatar that I feel fits your needs."

He takes a second to think, she guesses. Frankly, it was all a little confusing, but she knew he was already simplifying it as much he could. She wishes she'd known more about computers before getting trapped here.

"Zooble called for me, yesterday. I was quite angry, because I was getting ready for the award. Then, I was confused as to what was happening. But I wasn't sure what was going on and I figured it would go away on it's own. It didn't. Ragatha was quite worried, and I didn't know why this was even happening."

"I looked at the code. And I found the issue. It was like your code had started deleting itself. The initial file that arrived with you was…corrupted? I couldn't access it. Your avatar was deleting itself. Thankfully, I have duplicates of your files, in case anything happens. In this case, I tried to fill in the gaps of what had been lost with the copy. It doesn't seem to stop you files from deleting themselves, but at least you have your memories and personality intact. Your avatar however…"

She looked down at her arm.

"The adventure with Evil Pomni wasn't too long ago, so I had her file. I replaced your arm with hers and recolored it. But… it's not working, and the corrupted part is spreading to the rest. I'll start working on a new avatar, of course!" Caine's usual demeanor came back quick, shooting back up to float above the tent. "But, in the meantime, I suppose you'll have to try to figure what causes the corruption and try to avoid it. I suppose, it might have to do with your… fight, with Jax. Maybe try to avoid him while I figure this all out."

She nods, feeling a little numb. Quite frankly, she doesn't think she even properly understands the issue. But, sure. She'll avoid Jax, and probably everyone else too. She's going to need at least a week to process all of this anyways.

Suddenly, she thinks of something else. "What about the adventures? I won't really be able to avoid Jax there, and what if my arm-"

"I'll have in-house or solo adventures ready to keep you entertained while the rest are on theirs! Don't worry, I'll make sure the Amazing Digital Circus remains…well, amazing." There's an awkward silence. "Any… requests?"

Pomni blinks a few times, processing the question. Caine had been struggling to hit the mark with the last few adventures. While she has a few things she would have liked to do on adventures, rock climbing or parkour type of things hardly seem like the thing to request when her arm is glitching out.

"I… Liked the shooting part of yesterday." She settles on. "It was fun. I don't… really like the narrative adventures. I like the exploration and messing around better." She takes a moment to think. "Before, you know, before I ended up here, I played video games sometimes. I'd always skip the cutscenes and go straight to the side quests and running around the world. Then, I'd get stuck, look online why, and figure out I need to advance the story. I've never been great with narrative focused game. I liked sandbox games better." She's rambling. It distracts her from the fact she can't recall the name of a single game she'd liked.

Caine hums, like he's considering the idea very seriously. "What would you think about an assassin type adventure? Choose a task, or make one, get to an environment where you need to find you victim and kill them. You'd certainly get the exploration experience, you have the shooting, and you can mess around with how you deal with the target!" He seems to get more into the idea as he speaks, and she doesn't doubt the others will also end up with something similar.

It does seem fun. Kind of like something she'd played and can't recall. "Yeah, it could be cool. No pain mechanic though. Like, yesterday when I got shot? It didn't hurt, and that was cool." She could do without dying or bleeding out. It might be the thing that sends her over the edge.

"I could give you a health bar and make you restart if it gets to zero." She nods. That's better.

By the time she's sent back to her room, she's actually looking forward to that adventure.

She explains to the others -a very panicked Ragatha, a worried Gangle and a confused and pissed Zooble- what she understood of her issue.None of them seem to understand, and it might be because of her very lacking explanation. She stays very vague about her fight with Jax, though she can tell they see right through her.

Part of her still hopes they can make amends, even though she tries not to think about it. She doubts he really meant anything he said, and she had really liked hanging out with him.

A few days pass peacefully.

Jax seems much the same for the little she sees of him, and a card game in Kinger's pillowfort confirms that he's also aware of what happened, guessed about her having a fight with Jax and it leaves her feeling better about the whole thing, after having a good cry and a long hug.

Kinger really is comforting, when he's lucid.

She stays in her room most of the time though. Her arm still glitches, and the one time it happened when she was sitting on a couch with Ragatha watching AI generated nonsense, her friend completely lost it. So, she avoids them all for the meantime. It has the upside of keeping her away from all Jax related things.

"Pomni?" Gangle calls for her outside her room. Pomni was too busy staring at her gray, flickering arm to hear her arrive. "We're going to play a board game, um… there's me, Ragatha, Zooble and Kinger. I, I don't think Kinger knows what we're playing, but it's the thought that counts, right?"

"Yeah." She says, "Um, maybe a bit later. I was going to.. take a nap." There's no point in napping, but they all like to pretend otherwise. "But, I'll come join you later if I feel better?" Her eyes stay glued to her arm as it bugs and twitches.

"Okay! I'll see you then!" She walks away, and Pomni is alone again. Maybe it would've been nice, but everyone would have probably freaked out a bit. She gets it, though. Can't be pleasant to watch. The pain is mostly gone, or at least, she's able to tune it out most times. It mostly feels… cold. She doesn't really feels it anymore, and touching things feel like there's many layers separating her hand from what she's holding.

It's weird. She's getting used to it. It should scare her more than it does.

Maybe she is loosing it.

She blinks, and then she's not alone anymore. Caine is there, floating in the middle of the room.

The first time he'd shown up, she'd screamed. She was freaked out about him being able to show up whenever, even if she never did anything weird in her room. It still felt like an invasion of her privacy. He'd told her he usually didn't come into the rooms, but that 'her case was an exception'. She didn't think this was a good sign.

She wasn't sure if he was monitoring her, or if he was just happy to have an excuse to show up and talk. She never saw him talk to the others. He'd always ask how she was though.

"Oh, well, no need to ask how your arm is, I can tell it's not great." He says cheerfully. "The adventures are all ready, though! It's a bit late to start one today, so I fear you'll have to wait until tomorrow, but you'll see, you'll love it!" He seemed in a better mood than on the day of the award, so she counted that as a win. At least, she doesn't have to worry about Caine having a breakdown and letting her to rot.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Super excited!" She tried to sound stoked. She was, really. From what they'd talked about, it would be great. Being around Caine always was a bit awkward though.

"AND!" He stayed silent for a few seconds, building suspense, maybe. He seems to love a good dramatic pause. "I've come up with a solution to your problem. Multiple even! I just need to make sure it's all safe, and then I'll be able to fix you right up. Aren't I amazing?"

She nodded, because it felt like the right thing to do. She was grateful. "Thank you, I can't wait for this to be done."

"Just, keep your distance with whatever causes your symptoms to worsen. Be it Jax, or anything that seems to trigger them. So long as it doesn't get any worse, you'll be fixed in a few days."

Caine stayed to chat a while longer after that. It was nice in a way. At least, she wasn't fully alone in this.

Chapter Text

Pomni is avoiding Jax, and it's making him want to bash his head against a wall.

It's not hard to see, she leaves a room anytime he enters it, skips most meals, and the one time they left their rooms at the same time, she just went back to hers.

It shouldn't piss him off this much. He doesn't care. What if she want to sulk around because he was a bit mean?

It stings more than he's willing to admit.

Because, unlike with Ribbit, or even Kaufmo, she's here. He can't pretend there's nothing wrong, or that he doesn't care. He has to stare at the consequences of his action everytime she leaves a room because of him, or switches direction in a hallway. He can taste bile in his mouth each time she flees.

When they finally get an adventure, Jax thinks it's a chance to cozy up to her again. To show that there's nothing wrongand that she can stop with running away.

Avoidance is his thing anyways.

But, when he pitches the adventure, in the main hall where they are all gathered because Pomni didn't get the chance to make a run for it before Caine showed up, he allows Pomni stand to the side.

"Make your way through an-" Jax tunes him out. He'll figure out the objective once there and find a way to mess everything up once they've begun anyways.

The portal appears, and Pomni starts to walk away. Ragatha looks back at her, looking a bit confused and sad. Caine looks at her leave, and he thinks he's going to make her go through. Push her inside the portal, like he usually does when someone tries too sneak away from an adventure.

Caine waves at Pomni as she walks towards the bedrooms.

He waves at her. What the [BEEP]?

Before he can complain about this, ask for her to come or say he's skipping this one, he's pushed through it by Caine -like he'd expected to happen to Pomni. "Have fun, my invaluable chickens, don't forget-" Whichever bull[BEEP] he was about to say is cut off once Jax enters through the portal.

Whatever. She might have asked in advance to skip the next adventure. He'll just corner her after this.

He ignores the voice in his head that wonders if maybe there's something else going on. The voice that point out she'd kept the arm that had been glitching that day away from his line of sight the whole time.

The adventure sucked. Some marine life exploration. Kinger seemed to have fun at the bottom looking at crabs, so, good for him at least. Ragatha had hated the water, and he'd made fun of her and Zooble the whole day.

His heart hadn't been in it, though.

"Weeeeell? How was it? Did you all love it?" It seems whatever had came onto Caine the day of the award has vanished. He's right back to fishing for compliments.

"Oh, I just loved the water. So great to have a swim. And the sharks too." Ragatha grumbles something that Caine ignores and Gangle whimpers.

"Fantastic! I'm SO glad everyone thought it was great!"

There's a moment of silence, where Caine is still lingering, and no one moves. Dinner appears, but Caine makes no move to leave, seemingly waiting around. He's not even looking at them, he seems deep in thoughts.

They sit to eat as Caine stays floating up in the air. It makes dinner awkward, since they usually whine about how much the adventure sucked. None of that with the man itself a few feet above their head. Conversation lands on Gangle's latest project, which Jax has no interest in.

He's debating whether to dip early and knock on Pomni's door, or wait and hope she shows up late, hoping he'd have left already-

Pop.

Pomni is standing where they'd been standing a few minutes ago. She looks confused, disheveled, tired, but there's something about her that's hasn't been there in a little while now.

She looks like she'd had fun. It makes Jax's blood boil. He want to bite her like she's a chew toy and stuff her in his toy box. What is wrong with him-

"Why hello Pomni! Did you have fun?" Caine leaned toward her enough that she leaned away with a squeak. She really values her personal space, which is why Jax enjoyed being able to invade it so much. Before he'd messed up, back when she'd liked him enough to hug him.

"Uh, yeah. It was… really fun actually." Her tone betrayed the fact she hadn't thought she'd enjoy whatever Caine had put her through. "What was up with the attic though-"

"Incredible! I'm so so glad you loved it! I'll make sure to make it even better next time!" He gave a little spin, and with that Caine popped out of existence.

Pomni had to have been confused enough by whatever adventure she'd been through and Caine's antics to forget she was avoiding Jax. She makes her way to the table in a bit of a daze, and sits next to Jax, as she usually did. It makes him feel warm, and he can't help a smile.

"What did you have for adventure? We had a underwater exploration one." Ragatha asks as she leans forward to look at Pomni.

No one seemed surprised she hadn't come with them, though Pomni's body was one of the most adapted to underwater adventures -no fabric or fur or material that made her sink- or that she'd gotten her own adventure. They'd planned this behind his back.

It wasn't betrayal, because he hadn't given them any reason to trust him, which had been on purpose. Still, it felt as if he'd been betrayed.

"Oh, Caine made a… an assassin type adventure. There was this huge manor, and I was given a target to eliminate. I got to play it multiple times with different targets. It was kinda fun." Her voice is equal part surprised and excited.

Ragatha doesn't seem to get why Pomni would enjoy an adventure like that, because she gives a little frown while Pomni grabs her fork to start eating. She just doesn't know Pomni as well as she thinks, and Jax is very glad for this.

"Yeah, I guess this was better than swimming would have been with…" Zooble's voice trailed off, though Jax could tell they were looking at Pomni's arm, the one she'd held the gun with, the one on the side not facing Jax, kept under the table. Out of sight and stuck in Jax's mind.

"What did you say about the attic?" Gangle asked, clearly hoping to keep the subject on Pomni's adventure and not the fact she got eaten by a shark today. Totally not Jax's fault, Gangle should know better than to go where he tells her.

"I… don't know. I think there was a cult? The NPC's were in a circle with one dead in the middle, and one singing something weird. I'm not sure what that was about." Her face scrunched up, looking slightly disturbed, but also maybe curious.

Jax could say something, make a joke, or anything. But he knew the moment he brought attention to himself, Pomni will run away again.

She's joking with Zooble about the NPC's cult, smiling.

He hates that he's not the reason for her smile, but he can't bring himself to be the reason she shrinks back on herself again. So he says nothing

Jax lets the night pass. He can find Pomni in the morning and patch things up then.

He skips breakfast, because his nerves overrides the phantom hunger. It's not like he cares if she's mad. He just liked hanging out with her, and wants her presence. She's just entertainment to him. It's not about friendship, or anything else.

It is. But he won't admit it, especially since she seems the most likely to abstract next.

Once he hears the others come back in the hallway, he knows breakfast is over. He waits for the noise to go down, and leaves his room. Her face, with her huge eyes and small pout stare him down.

Knocking brings silence, and breaking in shows she didn't go back to her room. So he ventures out in the circus.

She's not in the room with the couches, or the one with the books and neither is she in the usual places he sees her at. He walks around the winding hallways with no idea where to go next. She must have noticed he's been following her and started finding lesser used rooms.

Fine. Jax knows the circus better than anyone else.

It takes what he guesses is a few hours before he gives up for the day.

The next day, he goes to breakfast to find she skipped. Probably knew he wouldn't skip it two days in a row. Again, he tries her room, and anywhere he can think of.

By day three, he thinks he's losing his mind. Surely, she can't have disappeared.

"Pomni's been pretty distant, hasn't she?" He hears Gangle ask when he enters the room she's in, along with Zooble. These two have been pretty close, huh?

"I mean, with her arm… I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to be seen all…" Zooble never finishes that sentence. Them and Gangle fall into silence before the stupid ribbon nerd starts talking about her latest comic idea.

He's about to give up again when he decides to try her room again. Just in case she went back. No one answers when he knocks, and the room is dark when he opens it.

He's about to close the door back up when he sees her.

She's sat against her bed, back facing the entrance, facing Jax. She doesn't react when he enters and close the door, and he can't see what she's starring at with the lack of light. He can barely see her hands fidgeting.

"Hey, Pompom, taking a nap on the floor?" He jokes, keeping his tone light.

She moves, probably to face him. He can't see her face, and it's a little maddening. She stays silent.

"Oh, did I interrupt your nap? Or did the lights go off. I don't think the lights can't break here, though."

"Jax." Her voice sounds tired, and a little angry. Or maybe disappointment. He's suddenly glad for the darkness, as it hides his flinch. It feels like she slapped him. It stings more than any slap she could have managed would've.

"That's my name." He aims for lighthearted, but there's a tightness he hadn't planned.

There's a tense moment where none of them speak. It drives him insane.

He caves first. "Listen." He goes to run his finger through hair he doesn't have, feels stupid and brings his hands down. Then, he feels awkward, tries to put them on his hips, which feels stupid too, so he clutches the side of his overalls. He's glad she doesn't see any of that clearly.

He takes a breath. "I get that you're… pissed. I didn't say the things I wanted to say well." That's not what he'd planned to say, and the honesty makes his skin crawl. "I didn't mean to, I don't even know. Make you feel like you didn't matter? I didn't think you'd take it so badly."

She doesn't say anything. He loses it.

"What even happened? Couldn't you have gotten mad, or screamed or- anything? I don't care if you hate me-" he does. He really, truly does. "-but don't just, pretend I don't exist! God, it pisses me off so ba-"

"Ja-ax." He stops dead in his tracks at the static in her voice. He feels cold all over, and it's like watching her hold the gun at her head again. Except he can't see her, and it's somehow worse.

"What's… Pomni, what's-"

"G-Get oUt." Her voice glitches, and he can see her shake, but he's not sure it's shaking. It looks like she's glitching, and he wonders if she's abstracting and if he's going to have to watch her-

"Hey." He came here to fix things. How is he messing [BEEP] so badly? "It's-it's okay. I'm…" It so hard to say, it goes against everything he is. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean- I- You don't know how hard it is to loose someone in the circus. I just…"

He doesn't even know how to begin to articulate what loosing Ribbit did to him. How it changed him. How he couldn't leave his room for days because he couldn't help looking at his face with the red X, a constant reminder of what he'd lost. That he looked for him at the table only to not even find his seat.

As if is existence had been badly erased, reminders everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

"Ca-an't yoU sEe yOu're maKIng it Wo-Orse?" He doesn't see anything. He doesn't know what to do. Panic seizes him, freezing him in place.

After a few, terrible seconds, he flees. Tears the door open, looks back only to see that Pomni's whole body seems to be glitching out of existence before slapping it shut and running across the hall to the safety of his room.

He doesn't sleep that night.

Chapter Text

Jax spends a long time in his room. He listens for what the others say once they find her.

Murmurs about Caine. That he'll fix it. Wonders of why it got worse. His name gets thrown around. It gets thrown a lot.

Usually, he'd feel enraged they immediately assume it's his fault, even though they are right to assume that. Right now?

He feels like he's about to abstract.

At some point, maybe a day or so in his self inflicted isolation, he hears someone exit Pomni's room, and no one seems to enter after. They must have agreed to take turn watching her, since there seems to always be someone in her room.

Not that he'd know. He's not keeping track of the number of time her door was opened.

He finally exit his room. Pomni's portrait looks at him with her bug eyes, and it feels like she's judging him. There's no X on her face though, so she hasn't abstracted. Yet, a traitorous part of himself whispers.

He walks to her door, and tries to turn the knob. Her room is unlocked. He enters, legs shakier than he'd ever admit.

Unlike last time, the light is on. He almost wishes it wasn't when his eyes find her.

She's on her bed, and she looks asleep. Except her body is too tense, her breathing too fast. Her arm is so much worse than before. He can barely make the shape of it. And it seems it has spread, because her whole body seems to glitch. Like it's fading out of existence.

He steps closer. He can hear her breath, ragged and rapid. It looks worse up close, he can see every part of her that seems to struggle staying in their digital world.

Without thinking, he brushes his hand against her cheek. It's more delicate than anyone would expect from him, like he's afraid the smallest touch will make her disappear.

She's cold. Like, ice cold. Corpse cold.

[BEEP].

It's his fault, isn't it? She'd started bugging during their argument. Everyone have been especially upset at him, probably because she'd still been glitching when she'd despawned.

He wants to run. He doesn't want to face this. The consequences of his mistakes.

He's about to turn around, or he's telling himself he's about to do it, when he hears something.

It's… not words. Pomni starts moving, like she's having a nightmare. She's mumbling, or whining. It's hard to say. His hands hover uselessly above her form. He has absolutely no idea what to do.

He should wake her up. She probably went to sleep because she couldn't do much in her state. Maybe it'll even calm down once she awakes? He carefully wraps his hands around her shoulder and shakes gently.

She continues to mumble, but she doesn't wake up. He shakes harder. Her eyes open right as he starts to consider slapping her.

She doesn't look at him. She stares right ahead and in silence.

"Hey, Pompom, you good?" He barely manages to keep the panic out of his voice.

She still doesn't look at him. Jax snaps his finger in front of her eyes, but she doesn't react.

"Pomni?" She stays silent. Jax is starting to freak out when she… speaks?

Her voice is so glitchy, he can't tell if she's actually talking to him or just babbling again. He lets her, holding her shoulders still. It's terrifying.

She quietens after a few moments.

"I… I'm sorry." He's so out of his depth here. "I didn't want to hurt you, you know? I just… I didn't think it'd matter, honestly. I thought you'd just get pissed at me and stop talking to me."

She doesn't say anything, but at some point she managed to look at him. Her face glitches so much he can't tell what face she's making, if she can even understand anything right now. Maybe she's still half asleep. Some sort of sleepwalking thing.

"I didn't want this. If I'd known this was going to happen, I wouldn't have said those things." He confesses. There's something about the situation that makes him want to just tell her everything. The feeling makes him shiver.

"We… if you still want to, we're still friends. You were right. It had meant something." The truth hurts. But he can't stop the words from stumbling out of him. Maybe he needed to say them, to drop the act for a moment, but it still hurts.

He's about to go on, to tell her -he doesn't know even know what he was about to say, something that would keep him up at night probably- when he hears the door open.

Zooble walks in. Their eyes find Jax's figure immediately. He can see them take the scene in. Pomni sitting up, eyes a little glazed and unfocused. Jax siting on her bed, still holding her shoulder. He doesn't know what face he's making, but he doesn't have the strength to fix.

He must look absolutely insane and pathetic right now.

Disgusting.

"What are you doing?" They demand, like they have the authority to demand anything from Jax.

"What? I'm not allowed to check on our dear friend?" He aims for sarcasm, but he feels too raw to be talking to anyone. He'll say something stupid. He's already saying something stupid and he's only said one sentence.

"Yeah, right." They sigh. "I think it's best if you just leave her alone."

Who are they to tell him to leave? "I'll do what I want. This isn't your room and I can be wherever I want."

"Just go. You've done enough already." They sigh, stepping aside from the entry to let him pass.

Jax wants to break something. To scream. To pull Zooble into pieces and scatter them across the circus. Vulnerability is pulling him apart, like he's the doll instead of Ragatha and his seams are falling.

"I've done enough? Are you saying it's my fault?" He snaps. "Because, this isn't just on me. I might have been the one there when she lost it, but it's on everyone too!"

"Don't shift the blame, Jax. We're not the ones who messed up." There's such conviction in their tones it just fuels his anger even more. They should know him enough by now to know that there isn't anything they could say that wouldn't make his rage worse.

"Yes you are! Oh, but you think just because you're not the one who pushed her over the edge, you're blameless. Well, lemme tell you that, you're not. If she hadn't felt as if she couldn't rely on you all, she'd never would've cared about the things I said!" Everything that has been playing in his head since yesterday comes stumbling out of his mouth.

"What are you even talking about?" Zooble looks at him as if he's insane. And maybe he is.

"What did I know she'd be so affected? Honestly, it's not my fault if she took everything so seriously! Why did she come to me for friendship? Because good ol' Raggy cared more about being liked than being a good friend? Because you're too busy being a [BEEP] to Caine to care about anything else? Because Gangle is too fragile to be considered reliable? If all of you hadn't let her deal with her struggle herself, we wouldn't be here!" He shouts. He knows Zooble is right, he's shifting the blame. He's the reason why she's like this.

Still, it feels good to tell them all the way they contributed to this. So he goes on. "But, noooo. Let's blame Jax! It's easier than try to understand why this happened. Let's just all think Jax purposely caused this, because he's a jerk no one likes!"

"No one said that-"

"Yeah, well, you don't need to! I know what you guys think of me." He doesn't know why it matters, he doesn't care about their opinions. "I'm the perfect scapegoat, aren't I! Well, flash news, we're all to blame! Caine's [BEEP]ing useless, Ragatha never was a good friend to Pomni, and no one noticed how lonely she was because everyone's too busy with their own issue to look outside themselves for a minute! I, at least, am aware of how big a jerk that makes me."

"Why are you saying that? You don't know what she was struggling with."

"Because she told me! Have that crossed your mind?"

There's a silence. He can see Zooble processing everything. And then, they speak. "Well, if I'd known, I would've tried to help her. The others, too, I think. You knew, and yet you still messed up."

That hit like a bomb. He feels as cold as Pomni's skin.

Jax pushes past them and goes straight to his room. He locks the door behind him and stays against it for a long time.

Times doesn't mean anything in the circus. Still, he knows it passes because he can hear the others go to their room, silence for a long time, people getting out. There's the sound of Pomni's door being opened and closed. Of people talking. People getting to their rooms. Silence for a long time. Noise again. Doors opening and closing.

He hears Caine's voice at some point, maybe two or three days after he's locked himself. An adventure. Maybe Caine knows Jax isn't in the mood, or maybe he forgot about him, because when he doesn't get out of his room to join the others in the corridor, he's not pulled out or teleported in front of the portal.

They leave, and then there's just him and Pomni in the circus.

That's when he finally gets out of his room. He gets food in a daze, and instead of walking to his room and locking himself again, he goes to Pomni's.

She hasn't moved. She's the same she'd been before he yelled at Zooble. Except she looks worse than the last time. It's like she gets worse everytime he looks away.

He hates this. He hates this.

He regrets everything. Being mean to Pomni, ever talking to her, not having hurt her before he got attached.

It's weird, caring about someone else after so long of telling himself no one mattered but him. Seeing her like this is probably more painful than anything she could have done would've been.

He sits on the edge of her bed and stays there. His head is a maze of every terrible thought his brain can come up with. There's only silence.

It's one of these things about the circus that tends to drive them crazy. There's no white noise. The silence is absolute. No sounds of people breathing or wind or even a fridge running. That's why they always need to distract themselves. Because with nothing else to do, it's just them and their minds.

It startles him when the silence is broken. Jax isn't sure when he got stuck in his head. Or how much time has passed since he got there. Pomni is sitting up, looking quite confused. She's talking again. Or babbling.

She's making sounds. It's still as glitchy and incoherent as last time. He can make some words sometimes, he thinks.

He listens. Not much else to do anyways, and he's not sure if she's aware he's here and trying to talk to him or in a dream-like state. Either way, she'd probably appreciate him being there for her. She's the type to care about that sort of stuff. He's not sure when he started to care about what she likes, or taking her preferences into account.

She moves a lot when she talks. Jax hadn't really noticed that either, but now, he can't help but see it. She moves her arms around, like she's explaining something, though he can't make out the movements well enough to try to guess in the mess of glitch and pixels.

Sometimes, a limb will bend in an unnatural way, and it almost makes him flinch everytime it happens. She doesn't look in pain, though, so he's not too worried. Her wrist extends and clips into the wall for no reason while she's looking the other way once. It lasts for about two seconds and then it snaps back in place.

Then, she falls silent again. She doesn't fall asleep, or try to move anywhere. She sits and seems to be looking in his general direction.

"You good Pom?" Her head moves. He doesn't think she's shaking her head, it's too short to be that. Tilting it, maybe. Like a confused cat. "Got tired of talking? It's fine, I can talk for the both of us."

He's still unsure she's aware. Maybe she is but won't remember it when she wakes up. Or maybe she's not and he's stupidly sitting there talking to basically an empty shell.

Well, not like there's anyone there to judge him anyways.

"Y'know, I was… nicer when I'd first got there. Well, that's how Raggy puts it. She arrived before me, I don't know if she's told you that. We used to get along back then."

Pomni moves again. He still has trouble guessing what she's doing, but he tries to guess how she'd have reacted to that had she been fully there. Surprised maybe.

"I know, shocking." He snorts. "I thought she was nice, and her fake attitude hadn't gotten on my nerve yet. She also was friends with… Ribbit."

He hasn't said that name out loud since he abstracted. It feels foreign in his mouth now, which startles him. It used to be so familiar, something he said everyday. Now it's like his mouth doesn't know how to articulate it anymore.

"He was the first person I'd connected with when I got here. He helped me settle into the circus, and he showed me the ropes, in a sense." She leans forward, maybe. Or she might just be tired and be starting to fall asleep.

"What I'd shown you, y'know, the whole cartoon logic thing? He's the one who'd showed it to me. I was scared to make a jump on one of my first adventures, and he made fun of me for it. Told me I would make it if I believed so, and he back flipped it to prove it." It was some platformer adventure Caine had loved to do back then.

"He was the person I was closest to. Until… I don't know. One day, he changed. Wasn't the same he was. I think the whole digital world thing got to his mind. Went on about the other's becoming characters, how we were all losing ourselves. Then, he… abstracted."

It his first abstraction. It wasn't the last. He wishes someone else had abstracted before Ribbit, so he'd have been there to show Jax how to get over it.

"After he abstracted, I'd spent so long avoiding the others. I thought about what he'd said. A lot. He wasn't wrong. We were all losing ourselves at that point. Everyone looses who they were before the circus at some point. I don't think anyone who knew me then would recognise me."

"I think it was easier to lean into it than to fight it. I saw what fighting it did, it made me loose my friend. But I think this isn't working, either." Jaw whispers.

The confession makes the air in the room feel thicker. Pomni is still sitting, listening. It feels like she's listening. He's sure she'd find something comforting to say, if she wasn't like this.

"I'm sorry. I really am." is all he manages to say.

She says something, it's short and hard to hear. He thinks she said give?

He can't muse about it any longer than that, because suddenly there isn't silence anymore. There's voices outside, and the door opens.

Can't he ever be in here without someone walking in?

Ragatha is there this time, Gangle behind her. They both look at Jax, bewildered. Pomni doesn't seem aware of their presence, she doesn't try to look their way or react as Ragatha's face twists in hatred and marches over.

"You just don't know when to stop, do you?" Her voice wobbles, in both fear and rage.

"Jumping to conclusions, much? I haven't done anything. Just keeping Pompom here company while you're all having fun on whatever Caine cooked up for you."

Gangle is hoovering at the door still, watching things unfold.

"We all know why she's like that." She hisses.

"Oh, do we? Because I think you're blaming the wrong person here." Zooble must have told them about their conversation with Jax, because Ragatha's face floods with regrets.

"None of us have been great friends to her." She agrees. Jax hates she decided now is the time for personal growth. "But we also aren't responsible for how she feels. We tried to be there for her in the way we could, and it wasn't what she needed. You didn't try at all. So you bear more responsibility than us."

He hates this. He's standing up, about to do something -he doesn't know what himself- when they're interrupted.

Pomni is speaking, and though her speech is a mess, Jax catches the word 'fine'.

Ragatha rushes past Jax to stand next to her bed. Jax slumps back at the foot of it, tired by this mess.

"Pomni, can you hear me? Are you okay? Did Jax bother you?"

His name comes up distorted from Pomni's mouth, but he recognises it. She seems to be looking at him still. Fine is said again more clearly than before, and the sentence ends in with stay.

Maybe she's saying she's okay with Jax staying, or maybe she's saying she isn't fine and doesn't want him to stay. She repeats the same sentence a few more times, seemingly getting frustrated by the fact it doesn't come out any clearer than that.

Jax decides to choose the option that he likes more.

"She wants me to stay. As a good friend, you wouldn't want to upset her while she's suffering, would you?"

"She's not suffering!" Ragatha seems horrified he'd even think it could be the case. "And you don't know what she said. Just because she said your name and stay doesn't mean she wants you here. There were… noises in between these words, and it could have been anything."

"Well, I guess we'll never know. Still, better let me stay than have her think you're trying to isolate her while she's vulnerable."

Ragatha doesn't seem to like Jax's logic. Too bad, he has no plans to leave this room, if only to upset her and Gangle.

"Fine. But, if anything bad happens while you're in there with her, I'll ask Caine to ban you from her room."

He shrugs. "Sure, I don't think he can do that, though, but you have fun asking him." Ragatha's brows furrow as she gives him a sidelong glance, clearly having expected him to put up a fight.

And just like that, things got a little bit better. Maybe Pomni will be proud of him for cooperating with the others.

Chapter Text

Things are… normal. As normal as Jax's life has been since his fight with Pomni.

She's still 'sick' as everyone puts it. It's the nice way to say they aren't sure if she's well or if she'll even wake up. There's almost always someone in her room, just in case she wakes or becomes lucid. She hasn't, but it could happen any days.

The others aren't hiding things from him about Pomni anymore. He's included in conversations about ways they could help her wake up and Ragatha tells him when she learns something new from Caine.

Caine is… weird. They try not to talk about the ringleader, they have enough on their plates. But his twitchy attitude is putting everyone on edge.

It's odd to think there's a 'them' when the idea of having any form of relationship with any of them disgusted him a few weeks ago. Pomni opened a can of worms he wishes he could close.

He's not friendly with them, though. He's got a reputation to uphold, thank you very much. He still targets Gangle anytime the opportunity arises, and him and Zooble can't have a conversation without him making fun of them and them giving him the finger. Ragatha seems to be going through stuff, so he mostly avoids her.

But he doesn't bother them as often. If they haven't been forced into some adventure, he's mostly in Pomni's room. Which has changed quite a bit since she got sick.

It had started small. She hadn't really decorated since she got here. They all have a toy box with basically anything they could want. No one is really sure how they work, but Jax is pretty sure it pulls out whatever is closest to what they are looking for. Chairs, plushies, shelves. Hell, he's pulled out a whole [BEEP] ladder from that thing once. Pomni either hadn't known or hadn't bothered with it, since her room only had the basic set of furniture they all get when arriving here.

That meant one chair. It was for the vanity her room has. It got moved by Ragatha to be next to Pomni's bed so she could knit or whatever. Gangle moved it back to the vanity because it made the room feel to much like an hospital. Jax moved it back to next to the bed when he got tired of sitting on the hard floor and told Gangle to deal with it.

Kinger tried to solve this by bringing a bunch of pillows. Instead, he started a war.

Zooble decided they were too good for pillows and brought a neon blue beanbag to sit on. Ragatha followed suit with a quilted armchair. Gangle framed some of her best drawings on the walls. Jax brought a bright pink carpet and refused to use the beanbag or the armchair.

Pomni's room became the hang out spot instead of the couch room. Everything in the circus is free range for them to bring into their rooms, after all. Her room is now an array of mismatch furnitures and forgotten items. There's a pile of board games on her shelves that they use for game night -which now happens in her room so she can be 'included'- Jax got tired of the carpet and brought his chair -yellow with wheels which he uses to roll around when he's alone and bored.

Someone hung up glow in the dark stars at some point, and a wooden armchair showed up once. Zooble found their unicorn horn and added it to the growing collection of trinkets on her shelf. Gangle brought figurines. Jax brought plushies. It became a competition of who could bring the most things.

Caine might have joined in too, because some items that started showing up, none of them had ever seen around the circus and no one claimed them. This included a creepy furby looking plushie, a bright red small round table they played cards on, a white cord, and just a random red and white hula-hoop. For whatever reasons. No one tried to question Caine about this.

Jax had once lunged an arcade machine all the way from the fair when he'd first got here and learned they could snatch anything. So long as they could get it in their rooms, it was theirs. It had taken him days, and he was tempted to move it for the first time since he got it there just so he could have the metaphorical win by bringing the largest item.

He's walking aimlessly around the circus while considering the idea, wondering if he should wait for the night so he wouldn't get caught. He's tempted to go back in Pomni's room to mull over the idea, but he's already spent hours there today, and he can only spend so much time in there before the others think he's weird or trying to hoard her. So he's walking, bored.

Sadly it's one of these days where nothing is happening around the circus, and he doesn't really want to venture outside to the fair or to find some silly room to kill time. What he wants is to bother someone, preferably Pomni, but that's not possible-

"I'm really proud of this one! I think I really nailed the skirts texture, like you can tell it's tulle, right?" Gangle's voice. Bingo.

She's gushing about whatever new drawing she made. What a nerd, getting excited over fabric texture. It'll probably end up on the wall by the next day.

He can see her sitting on a couch with Gangle when he rounds the corner leading into the couch room. The both of them are sat there, the TV spewing nonsensical AI slop at low volume.

"It's great, it might be your best one yet." Zooble confirms, voice softer than Jax has ever heard it be.

These two have been pretty cosy, huh?

"Yeah! I'm glad you think so. I spent so long on it, and I really like the outfit I did, it looks really cute." Gangle laughs.

Zooble nods. "It's right up your alley. Looks straight out of a 90's romance anime."

As Jax gets closer, he can see their faces better. Zooble looks downright smitten, and Gangle is smiling brighter than ever, despite the tear that perpetually falls from her mask-

Her comedy mask broke this morning. How is she smiling and giggling without it?

Jax stops dead in his tracks. He doesn't like the new developments that have been happening with his cast mates. He's been trying to ignore it, but it's coming harder and harder to ignore. Ragatha growing a spine and talking back, Zooble being all soft, and now Gangle got over her need for her comedy mask to feel happiness?

What's next, Kinger's gonna stop being mad?

Jax just turn around and storms to his room. He sees Ragatha coming out of Pomni's room with her latest knitting project and just shoves her out of his way, not even acknowledging the indignant huff she sends his way.

He sleeps until the Moon is high in the sky, probably trying to flirt with Caine again.

He hadn't planned to, but he just hadn't woken up at dinner like he thought he would've. Whatever, there's no need to eat, and he's skipped tons of meals and was fine. Still, he might just quickly hit the kitchen for a snack, since he's awake anyways.

He makes his way to Pomni's room instead. It's mostly out of autopilot. His legs go there on their own, and his brain doesn't catch up until his hand is turning the knob.

Her lights are off save the lamp on her nightstand. Gangle insisted on leaving it on at night so she doesn't think she's in the basement if she wakes up at night. Jax made fun of her for thinking Pomni would be afraid of the dark, but he never turned it off after lights out.

What would you do if i abstracted tomorrow?

Yeah, it can't hurt leaving one light on. Just in case. That girl is so anxious all the time, she would be the type to think she's came back to consciousness in the basement of all places.

He's sitting on the ground, his back against the bed, before he can even realize. Jax can tell when he's not about to get any sleep, and there's no point sitting in his bed waiting for morning when he could do it in Pom's room.

His bed would be comfier than her ground, even one of the chairs would be. But knowing this doesn't motivate him to get up and back to his room.

He sits there like an idiot. Sometimes, he'll talk to her. Not tonight. But, if she remembers what she heard once she wakes up, it'll be really embarrassing for him. She'll probably know him better than anyone in the circus ever has.

There's still no white noise. No buzzing of the star shaped lamp or ruffling of leaves outside. It's a calm so complete and absolute, it feels like the moment before something catastrophic happens.

The door knob turns. Jax tenses immediately. But it's not Ragatha or Zooble or even Gangle. It's Kinger.

"Oh." Is all that comes out. "Hey there, old man. Came to check on the jester?" He slumps back against her bed. Kinger is fine, Jax never had anything against him.

But one thing Pomni said comes back to bother him. Kinger's mad most of the time.

Most?

"Oh. Hello Jax, good to see you tonight. I suppose we both had the same idea." He shuffles inside, closing the door softly. He's carrying a bottle of water and a small plate of what looks to be pancakes.

He's probably the one that leaves food on Pomni's side table. The same food Jax shoves in his mouth when he realizes he's been spewing all of his feelings for hours and can't handle the way honesty feels in his mouth.

"Leaving that for when she wakes up? That's kinda sweet." She'd enjoy that, probably.

"Oh, it's for anybody who needs it. Be it Pomni if she wakes up for a midnight snack or anyone who comes to see her. I find it very heartwarming how everyone is trying to care for her in their own ways." He sets the food on her nightstand. Jax is gonna eat that once Mad Hatter gets out.

"Yeah? I guess so. I mean, we just relocated the hang out spot from the couch room to her room, it's not much." He shrugs. There's not a whole lot to be done anyways. Not until she wakes up.

"I think it mean a lot. It might seem like a small thing, but being there for someone when they need it is always the best thing you can do. We can't fix her, or make it better, but at least she's not going through it alone." Kinger doesn't leave yet. He sits next to Jax, and looks at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling.

The placement of them is odd, so precise it feels purposeful. He doesn't know anything about astrology, but it might be a replica of the real sky. Weird.

Kinger sees his discontent. "Everyone has been so worried about her. She'd been so worried about being alone, or not having a real place in the circus, but look at all of you. I don't think everyone has spent this much time together, in… well, ever!" He chuckles softly.

He lets the words hang in the room. He still feels like he's not doing enough. Like after everything he'd done and said, just sitting for a few hours and talking to someone who can't answer doesn't make things better. And maybe it doesn't…

"I'm trying." He says, so low he's not sure Kinger even heard it.

"And that means the world." Kinger whispers back.

"I said some really [BEEP]ty things. Like, astronomically terrible stuff. And I feel so bad. And I never feel bad about being a jerk. And now, because of all of the bull[BEEP] I said…" The words stay stuck in his throat. He's scared saying them will make then true. We might loose her. I might loose her.

"Because, even if she wakes up, she doesn't have to forgive me. Hell, I wouldn't forgive myself!" He barely dares to raise his tone. The silence feels almost sacred. Like, despite all of them hoping for she'll wake up, he's scared speaking too loud might bother her sleep.

"It was really bad. I don't even know how we got there. We were fine, and then, everything went south. I just had to open my mouth and say [BEEP]. And then, she lost it, I guess. I wanted her to shoot me, not to shoot herself.

"And, despite knowing death isn't permanent in the circus, seeing her shoot herself was awful. I ruined it all, and for what. Because I was scared? Because I thought it would hurt if something happened to her? It didn't stop something from happening, and it doesn't stop it from hurting. If anything, it's worse, because it's my fault." His eyes feel wet, and his throat feels tight.

Kinger pats a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"It's not too late to make things better." Kinger says soflty.

"What for? So I can mess things up again? No thanks." He knows he'll cave in. He misses her more than he'd like to admit.

"Because it's what you want. I think, once she wakes up, watching her be friends and spend time with everyone but you because you don't want to get hurt again will only be more painful than anything that could happen."

Jax says nothing. He doesn't like how vulnerable he's been lately. It feels wrong, unsafe.

"Thanks, Kinger. Hey, have you always been this insightful?" For a mad man, he sure makes a lot of sense right now.

Kinger stands up. "Just think about it. I'm sure Pomni will understand, she's a very nice girl. And it might do you some good to get out of your shell. Not everyone will end up like Ribbit."

And with that, Kinger leaves Jax alone.

Chapter Text

It doesn't know what it is, just that it exists. That's good, right?

It can't see, or touch. It doesn't have a body, or memories. It just knows it can hear things. The ringleader, mostly. He's there a lot.

It doesn't know what there is, but it knows the ringleader is there often. Making things, and working on 'fixing' it.

It's quite confused, to be honest. It's hard to exist without truly existing.

"You don't remember anything for now, because I've isolated your memories so they don't corrupt any further. It was quite hard to manage, since I'm not supposed to be able to access them. I might have had to bend some rules. But it means I have a better shot at restoring them, now that I have access to all of the data." The ringleader explains. "I'm Caine, since you don't remember."

It's not a good thing, it knows that much. It's the first thing it heard when it got 'there'. It didn't understand what it meant.

It catches glimpse of other voices. Characters, the ringleader tells it. It's friends, it knows.

It has trouble focusing on those voices for long, they just seem so far away and distorted. But it manages sometimes.

"… said he… you. …worry, you… better." A soothing voice says. It doesn't remember who.

"Ragatha." Caine tells it. "Very nice girl, very worried for you."

She doesn't know how to feel about worrying her. It doesn't really like it, but it's also…nice?

Weird.

The ringleader makes things. "For my adventures!" He explains cheerfully. "I love them. But… I don't think the others do. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong."

It's not sure what he's doing wrong either, but it seems to upset the ringleader that he's doing something wrong.

Why?

"Why what?" The ringleader asks, befuddled.

Why does it matter?

"Well…" He seems taken aback. Maybe it should know why it matters, but it doesn't know. "It's what I was made for. To entertain. I don't make my adventures because I like making them, but so you all can enjoy them. If no one enjoys them, then I'm failing at my purpose. There's no reason for me to exist…"

You don't like making them?

"I do! There's nothing I love more. But if I like making them isn't the point." He laughs. It's not sure if there was anything funny said. "It's for them to be enjoyed. And they aren't. Enjoyed, I mean. Everyone always complains about…something."

It has the sense it opened a can of worms that it would've liked to stay closed. It doesn't tell the ringleader that, because that seems mean.

"Zooble complains the adventures are childish. Fine, I make them more mature. Gangle complains they are too scary. So I make them less scary. Then, Jax complains it's boring, so I had things to make it more interesting. But Ragatha complains it's too stressful. I just can't win! They have too different tastes." The ringleader rants, voice getting angrier and louder as he goes on. "Bubble says that it's because I'm bad at making adventures, but that can't be true. It's my purpose. My reason to exist. If I'm bad at them, then why do I exist?" It relates to the feeling, it thinks. It's hard to know anything when you can't remember things. It gives advice, because it feels it's what it should be doing.

You can't please everyone. Focus on one person at a time, or on what you like.

"But… But what of the others? There's not point making the adventure if almost everyone hates it." The ringleader sounds like he hadn't been made with such a different cast of characters in mind. She's not sure any of the circus is being used like it was intended.

You can't please everyone. It repeats. Makes them because you like them.

The ringleader falls silent, and he goes back to working on his adventure. It hears the ringleader mumbling about a ship being too big.

He's confusing. Nice, means well, but confusing.

"Hey… Pom… good?" A voice says. The ringleader is away, and it's memory hasn't been restored yet. It might have heard the voice before, but it's memory is wonky at best. Even things happening there don't stick for long.

"Didn't… hurt… know? Didn't… matter… thought… stop…me." The words feel far away. It's not sure what to compare the sensation to. It doesn't remember ever feeling anything. It thinks it's feeling something, though.

Maybe it does have a body. Maybe it's just too far, or it doesn't know how to go back to it. It tries to focus on the sensation, as faint as it is.

The voice becomes clearer.

"I didn't…this. If I'd known…going to happen…have said..."

It tries to cling to the feeling of consciousness for as long as it can. Even as voice rises, it holds onto it. It's barley able to maybe see something? Colors?

But the feeling slips from it's grip, and it stops existing again.

"They are all so worried you're going to abstract. I told them I had everything under control, but it doesn't seem they believe me!" The ringleader is there again. It's working on it's memory, if the faint anger in his voice is an indicator.

The ringleader said it's memory weren't cooperating. It's not sure memories work like that, but it doesn't know much. It doesn't think 'Admin Rights' have anything to do with memories.

What's abstracting?

"Well, it's… it is what happened to you. Kind of." The ringleader sounds embarrassed. It doesn't think it had planned on telling it what had happened. "What happened to your memory, your avatar? It's the first step. But it just… stopped. Before it could've done too much damage. I usually can't reverse it. And trust me, Pomni, I've tried. But, once everything is deleted? I can't do anything. Copies only get me so far. I'm not supposed to be able to mess with your memories or your files."

How are you going to fix me, then?

"Well, I'm not supposed to. But, it doesn't seem like anyone is really checking on the circus anymore. If I can get Administrator rights, then I'll be able to go into your files directly. I could even change more things around the circus! New features, there would be nothing to stop me from doing anything anymore. It's just a matter of messing around until I get the rights I need to get to fix things. After that, I'll be able to take care of everything!"

It sounds complicated.

"Don't you worry, though! I'll make sure everything is back to normal and send you back to the circus. I know your friends have been eagerly waiting for you to come back."

It thinks someone is there again. It's been working hard on being able to use it's body. Maybe it can communicate with someone.

It tries. It tries to tell whoever it is it's fine. It repeats it over and over. It thinks it can see the person, a blob of a color it identifies as purple. It's trying to move, or do anything to get it's message across.

After it understand it's not working, it's stops. Listening is easier than talking.

"You good, Pom?" That's a full sentence right there.

It listens for a long time. Tries to move, to coordinate better.

Whoever is there continues to talk. It's not sure the person knows it's listening. She is. It knows it won't remember in a few minutes, when the ringleader will transfer her current memories to wherever the rest is before they can delete themselves.

But she's listening.

"…sorry. I…am."

She tries to answer. She really tries, because it feels important that he knows. She forgives him.

More voices arrives, breaking the moment. It doesn't remember any of them, but it listens. An argument.

It doesn't like it. It tries to talk. Everyone stops talking, and it thinks they might be looking at her. Something, blue and red, rushes to her. The purple person stays there. Jax, she knows.

She tries to say she's fine with Jax staying. That her and Jax are fine.

It's hard to say. Frustration grips her.

Consciousness soon slips away from it again.

"I've gone and updated your avatar already. You're body's condition had stabilized, so I felt it was fine to do. It's not bugging or anything, so that's a good sign." The ringleader is there.

"Your memories though… Well, I'll get them sorted, of course. It's just… taking longer than anticipated. Now that I have the administrator rights, I can launch a proper restoration of your files. After I've gotten back what I can, I can cross reference with my NPC's and the other's memories to fill the gaps of whatever can't be restored." He takes a moment to think of what to say next. "I've had a chat with Jax, if you can call it a chat."

The ringleader is silent.

"He yelled. He likes yelling, that one." he laughs, like it's an endearing trait of his. "Really loves chaos and arguments. He's the only one that enjoys my monsters and villains. He asked for me to send you back. But, well, it's not a good idea. The only way I can send you back would be without your memories."

I don't have them now and I'm fine.

"W-Well, yes. But, still. What about your friends! They'll be heartbroken when you don't remember them. I'm trying to avoid any discomfort here." He states, and that's that. It doesn't argue and let's him go back to what he's doing.

She doesn't need to have the ringleader's permission to do anything, after all. She's nothing if not stubborn.

The purple person is there. He's talking to it. It's listening to him.

He's there often. It's glad he's there often, the ringleader is very busy and it gets bored. It's gotten better at finding it's body now. It's easier and easier to feel the softness of the covers, and see the colourful room, and hear the people that come to talk to it. They're there often. There's laughter and conversation flowing around it almost everytime it finds it's body. It stays silent through it all. It's saving energy.

It's listening as he speaks, and it's listening when he stops.

Then there a melody.

It's… familiar.

She knows that song. Where does she know that song from? She focuses on it, as much as she can. Focuses on the voice singing and the words, the silhouette next to her that's singing.

She knows that song.

Where is she?

Before she can understand what's going on, she opens her eyes to a very eclectic room. There's a purple bunny there, singing in a soft, hushed voice. She doesn't know him, though she knows she should.

He finishes his song, and they lock eyes.

What the [BEEP] happened to her?

She screams.

Chapter Text

Jax wakes up against Pomni's bed, on the ground.

It's not an comfortable position, and every part of his body is screaming in phantom pain. He takes time stretching, which barely helps. Guess he'll go to breakfast, if it's not too early or too late.

He turns to tell Pomni just that, even if she's asleep. Then, he freezes.

Pomni isn't the same she'd been yesterday.

She's not glitching, and her general appearance seems to be the same. Same body type and color scheme. But her whole outfit is different. Her head seems barely smaller than it had been yesterday. Or maybe she's a bit taller.

He doesn't get to think about it more. Caine pops into the room, right in Jax's face.

"Hi!" Jax jumps back with a scream, heart skipping enough beats he might have died if this wasn't the circus. He feels like he's going to be sick, and he manages not to puke all over the carpets out of sheer force of will.

"Oh my god, Caine never do this again. [BEEP] I almost had a [BEEP]ing heart attack." He takes a few breath, hands propped on his knees as he tries to get his heart under control.

Caine waits patiently in the air, looking at him curiously. Once Jax straightens himself, he speaks again. "Dully noted! Well, have you seen Pomni's new avatar? What do you think? Do you like it? Do you think she will like it?" Caine fires question while slowly floating closer to Jax until he's right up in his face. He looks very proud and eager, like a kid waiting for their parents to tell them their [BEEP]y drawing is amazing.

He thinks about telling him it sucks, just because he can. But he's scared that'll make Caine rework it and put fixing Pomni on the back burner.

Jax sidesteps Caine to look at Pomni. She stills look like a jester, all in bright blues and red with her golden accents. He can't see it all because she's under the quilt Ragatha made her, but it looks like she still has her poofy shorts.

Her hat is longer, and no longer striped. One half is blue with gold stars and the other is red with gold dotting, and she still have the gold bells at each ends, but now they have little charms dangling, one star and one moon. Her sleeves are white, longer and very poofy, and it looks like she's wearing a red body suit under some sort of flowy open shirt-thing and a golden corset type stuff. There's a white ruffle thing around her neck that's very clown like and looks incredibly silly. Jax isn't very knowledgeable in clothes so he's not sure what any of it is called or if she'll even like it.

It's cute though. She looks more like a porcelain doll than a plastic toy now. He's tempted to snatch her and put her on his shelf.

"Before she… well." Caine doesn't seem to know how to word it. He's looking at Jax like he's waiting for some sort of feedback. "I'd asked her what type of clothes she'd like! All of you always complain you hate the clothes and avatar you have, so I figured this was a good thing to try, see if instructions would help. She said the body suit was 'silly'" He makes air quotes as he says it, and then laughs loudly. "Which, that's the point of jesters! To be silly!" Jax thinks Pomni just doesn't want to be a jester, but try to tell Caine that.

"Still, I hope I did a good job. Maybe she'll be happy that this whole thing happened because it'll have gotten her new clothes!"

Jax isn't sure what he's supposed to say. "It… um… Looks great. Really did a good job on this one." He butters him up a bit. Make him a bit more pliable once he'll start with his questions. "Does that mean she'll wake up soon?"

Caine, who had been beaming with pride at the compliments, shrinks back on himself. He stammers for an answer.

He chooses avoidance. Jax is starting to be sick of avoidance, and avoidance is his thing. "O-Oh! Would you look at the time." He pulls a pocket watch that shows random drawing instead of the time. "I have things to do! Adventure to work on! Call me if you need anything. AND be sure to ask the others what they think of her design! It's very important." And he's off.

Is this how annoying it is to deal with Jax? Because if so, he has some serious re-evaluation to do.

He lifts the quilt to look at the bottom half of her avatar. Pure curiosity, nothing else. Tights, matches the half-n-half of her hat. One leg is white with blue diamonds and the other is red with stripes. She still has her poofy shorts, red to match the shirt, complete with yellow ruffles at the bottom. She has sneakers, one red and one blue, each with a leg warmer of the opposite color. Her gloves are unchanged save for the pom-pom they both have, one red and one blue.

It looks comfier than what she'd had before. He guesses that's what she asked Caine. It almost look like pyjamas. He doubts she asked for this much ruffles and pom-poms though. But, well, the author loves ruffles, so that was to be expected.

It's very cute. She's cute. He leaves the room as soon as the thought comes.

A few more days pass. Everyone has seen the fact that Pomni's avatar was updated. It wasn't showing any signs of glitching, so they'd assumed that meant she was fixed.

She wasn't waking up, though.

Jax is growing restless.

Caine isn't telling them something. They all can tell. Ragatha often tries to ask him, but she's too nice to get answers out of him.

Zooble cracks before Jax does.

The only warning they get is Zooble screaming Caine's name in the hall at the top of their lungs, too early in the morning. Jax had already been awake for a bit, and he rushes out of his room out of fear something had happened to Pomni at night. Ragatha joins not soon after, rubbing her eye.

Caine appears, Bubble hot on his heels. "Why, hello Zooble! What can I do for you on this beautiful morning? Do you want to go on an adventure-"

"No. When is Pomni waking up." They didn't ask. They demanded the answer. It's actually enjoyable to see when the authority isn't directed at him.

Caine seems uncomfortable. "Well… You see, it's quite the complicated question, really-"

Bubble interrupts "He can't fix her." They drop that bomb in a very enthusiastic voice, and Jax feels himself go cold.

Zooble narrows their eyes at Bubble. "What do you mean?"

"T-That is not true! I am perfectly able to fix her. It's just… more complicated than I thought. I've restored most of what I could, but there's just some things that are harder to fix, I've run a few tests, and I can't send her back with corrupted memories-"

"If it's just some memories, can't you just take away the ones that are glitching and send her back?" Zooble seems irritated by Caine. Jax can tell they are few seconds away from flipping him off.

"I… can't just take a few away. It's all or nothing. If I send her now, either she'll start… glitching again, or-" Caine cuts himself off, as if he was about to say something dumb.

"Or what?" Ragatha asks. He looks away from Zooble and Caine long enough to see Kinger and Gangle has joined them in the hallway. Caine notices it too, he's probably considering popping away from them.

"He could send her without memories!" Bubble injects again. Caine is tired of them speaking up, because he pops them with the end of his cane.

"Sorry! This isn't a possibility. You'll have to wait. Now, if you'll excuse me-"

"Will you fix her memories?" Jax asks. He didn't mean to speak up at all, but the idea that Caine isn't planning on fixing her has been nagging at him. "It's been weeks, why aren't they fixed yet?"

Caine seems so uncomfortable. Good.

"I-You don't understand. It's very complicated, I'm trying, but it seems I can't get the corruption to stop, so I've isolated them-"

"She's still corrupted? You said-" Ragatha cuts in.

"It's all fine! There won't be any impact on her avatar or personality, because I've isolated the problem. Now, I just need to stop it-" Caine is in full damage control mode.

"But it's still spreading? What if all of her memory corrupts before you can fix it?" Gangle asks.

"If everything corrupts, then she will have lost all of her memories. But! That's not an issue to be concerned about, since I will fix it-" Jax sees red.

"She could loose her memories?!" Ragatha screeches, looking about to burst into tears.

"But she won't! I'll fix it!" Caine looks overwhelmed.

"You didn't think to tell us that?" Jax demands. His voice must have sounded weird, because suddenly everyone stops talking and looks at him. "She could loose all of her memories, and you didn't think to tell us that?"

"It wasn't important to mention, b-because it won't happen-"

"How do you know that."

"I-I" Caine stammers.

"You don't." Jax states. "You just think it won't happen. Why can't you fix her?"

Caine continues to try to come up with an answer, unsuccessfully.

"Why can't you fix her?" Jax shouts.

"I don't know!" Caine screams back. "I don't know. I'm trying, but nothing like that has happened before. I don't know why her memory files is corrupting like that, and I can't just mess with the individual memories, because I don't have the authority. The best I can do is try to stop the corruption and restore what is damaged."

Jax hates this.

Caine basically is useless. Jax might loose Pomni forever, might never get the opportunity to properly apologise because he messed up so bad.

He turns around and locks himself in his room. It feels easier than face any of this.

He doesn't stay long in his room. He just waits for the hallway to clear before sneaking to the other side of the hallway. Pomni's updated portrait stares at him, her big eyes and small pout making him feel a bit sick. He goes in anyways.

Now that she's no longer glitching, it hard to even see something is wrong. She just looks asleep. Her chest rises and falls in a slow rhythm.

"Hey there Pompom. How you doing today?" He doesn't except an answer and he doesn't get one. He just slumps at the feet of her bed, head against the canopy.

Knowing she might never really come back makes a new wave of guilt wash over him. Because she risks loosing who she'd become because he felt bad about himself.

He really is an [BEEP]hole. It's not a good feeling. Nothing he's ever done has had lasting consequences, even less permanent ones. Usually the others get mad at him for a few hours, days at most, before everything goes back to normal.

The circus is the sort of place where you don't want to limit your number of human interaction. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed having a friend until he got one again.

And now he feels like [BEEP], because he might loose her permanently.

Maybe the person he'd tried to become might have been glad Pomni was at risk of loosing her memories, because he could start over and make sure not to make the same mistakes. But he doesn't want that now. He wants her back. He wants a chance to prove he didn't mean any of it. That he wants them to be friends.

He wants to get a chance at being forgiven. His mistakes being swept under the rug feels… wrong. Like a ticking bomb that'll just cause more damage on the long run.

Because would he really be a friend if he hid that from her? And would she even consider being friends with him if the first thing she knew of him was how much of a jerk he'd been to her? Hiding it would probably be worse. Ragatha or Zooble would probably take great enjoyment in telling her how bad he'd messed up.

He realizes he's scowling when he reaches for the plate of cookies on the side table. He stuffs a couple down his throat in hope of silencing the thoughts for a little bit.

It's not really working.

"Caine is a jerk." He complains. Pomni hasn't waken up on since her avatar updated, and he supposes he's got Caine to blame for that too. "Didn't even tell us everything. Now, I feel even worse."

Talking isn't working either. He can't come up with a single subject that's not in relation to her or how he feels. He's kinda tired of feelings. How he wishes he could just go back to that day. They'd had fun.

The memory of singing to piss Zooble off comes back eventually. It does bring a small smile to his face. She had a nice voice, and they'd both been in such a good mood.

As he starts singing it, he can almost hear Pomni's voice accompanying him. Even more so once he closes his eyes. He didn't even mean to start singing, it does distract him from everything else, and he needs a break from his self-loathing.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do
I'm half crazy all for the love of you
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two

He doesn't try to sing the rest, he doesn't even know the lyrics past this. But the melody lingers in his mind as he feels shuffling on the bed. He's about to speak to her again, ask her if she remembers how much fun they'd had-

Shuffling on the bed.

Something is moving.

He sits up, opening his eyes in a split second. Pomni is sat up, looking at him like she's seen a ghost. He's not sure what to do, he considers reaching forward to try to reassure her, but he's [BEEP] at comforting people. He usually is the reason people look scared around here, after all.

Then, she screams.