Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Snow blanketed the yard behind the house, a thick sheet of white smothering the green beneath. Icicles hung from the rusted wind chime at the corner like an effigy of warning that served to ward off any notion of warmth. Every movement and sound in the world beyond the neglected boards under hoof felt muted, dulled by the frigid grip of winter. Dark blue eyes roamed along with drifts pulled by a sharp breeze, heading nowhere of importance.

Ace huffed out a breath that curled and dispersed in to the gloomy air. He stood there, leaning against the wall beside the door, hooves adjusting a dark red scarf around his neck before being shoved in to the pockets of a thick peacoat. It wasn't the cold that he hated per se, because that he could deal with in any number of ways. It was the feeling of stagnation. Everything slowed to crawl. This was no different for the thoughts in his head, either. They were amplified by the weight of the season and the perceived dead end atmosphere. He felt that so very keenly since high school ended and the last summer of childhood vanished in to memory.

And those memories? They brought no comfort, no fond feelings, only an onset of self-deprecation that rivaled his ability to throw his troubles to the wind. He was no longer the star of any team, no longer in any kind of cozy spotlight he could use to deflect the myriad of self-loathing daggers poised toward his unfairly exposed heart. Many of his so called friends weren't speaking to him after the way he treated Lancer made the rounds... which he had been too stubborn to apologize for, even months later. Life at home hadn't changed much, so he wasn't sure why he was including that in his Pity List. Chalk it up to a disdainful might as well.

Pulling the hefty rectangle of his new cellphone from a pocket, he stared at the tiny screen, tapping to open his saved contacts and scrolling down until Lancer's name was highlighted. He found himself doing this often, sometimes without even realizing it, just as he was now, the same cycle of motions hazily stumbled through. He would stare, hover precariously over the call or message buttons, then exit out and put the phone away. What would he even say? So much time had elapsed it felt pointless to say he was sorry now. Besides, Lancer was probably enjoying time with his boyfriend and didn't need to be bothered.

The worst part was that every time he thought of Lancer, he could clearly picture him together with Teddy in his mind, probably snuggled up on a couch with soft sighs, gazing in to each others eyes, hooves tracing bodies, gasps of delight... and it made him sick to his stomach. What was it really -- Envy? Jealousy? He didn't want to focus on it long enough to figure it out because it riled him up in two very specific ways. And the fact that he couldn't just ignore it pissed him off.

Another huff escaped his lips. Finally tired of glaring at the snow, he rolled on his shoulder and yanked the door open, slipping inside, a rush of tepid air greeting him. The house was as quiet as the world outside, both a blessing and a curse. His dad had taken a new job with a long haul trucking company and was often gone for weeks at a time. Ace considered this an improvement since he wasn't around to get on Ace's nerves. Normally, that left him with just his mother to deal with, which was infinitely better than getting harped on by both of them. Mom wasn't so bad when his father wasn't around, actually. But she was currently out of the picture as well, visiting one of her sisters on the other side of the country. It was nice to have the house to himself. Or... it would have been if it weren't for the ceaseless parade of junk in his brain he wanted nothing to do with.

Was this how Lancer had felt, being home alone all the time? Ace grumbled as he hung up his jacket and scarf, making sure to grab his phone out of the pocket before heading through the kitchen and down the hall to his bedroom. The door didn't need to be shut without anyone else around but it was anyway, as if he could shut out the aching and the loneliness in doing so.

How pathetic was he? The king of a castle of sorrows. If Past Ace could see Present Ace he would kick his own ass.

Standing a few paces in front of the door he tossed his phone from hoof to hoof, eyes scanning over his room. What a wretched mood! Nothing immediately attracted his attention, nothing sounded like a good or fun use of his time. For some reason that really tore at him, making his chest rise as he took a deep breath, gripping his phone tightly, gradually loosening as he exhaled... then strode over and threw himself on to his bed, rolling on to his back and smacking the base of the phone against his forehead a few times in hopes that it would knock some of those pesky thoughts away or at least hurt enough to give him something else to focus on.

There was a stack of applications on his desk that needed to be sent out to colleges, though he had zero drive to do so. His tank was empty and he was stranded with no fuel station in sight. The spirit and endless charm that had once embodied him and got him through up until this point had packed its bags and taken the last train out. Ace felt like the trees of the forest, covered in cold white and weighted down. Motionless.

Was this how Lancer had felt, trapped with his emotions? Was this Ace's penitence for failing himself and his, probably at this point, ex-friend? Was this how things were going to be now?

He hated this with every fiber of his being. This restlessness. Plagued by an itch he could not scratch. He wanted to scream but he couldn't even muster the will to force the air from his lungs. No tears threatened the corners of his eyes; summer had seen to it that he was left in drought. All he had was this unbearable emptiness and a longing he could not fathom.

Ace rolled over and closed his eyes, pulling the blanket over and curling up, all at once exhausted. He knew he couldn't go on like this, so what could he do? Something needed to change. To bend or crack or break or come apart entirely. But the only thing he could manage to do...

Was sleep.

Chapter Text

The desire to remove himself from the equation of his hometown was something else that Ace found himself dwelling upon with more and more frequency. Did he really need to stay here? Would he feel any different if he left?

Leaving required a certain amount of investment, however. He didn't have a whole lot of money to begin with and his typical source of getting things he wanted, namely Lancer, was a dead end. Luckily, he had made other connections, even if they came with doing actual work, which wasn't all that bad. It usually helped check a couple boxes, especially in the praise-for-a-good-job department.

He had to fight himself constantly. If it was one thing he couldn't stand, it was being idle. Even if he surrendered a number of days to just that; wallowing and pitiable cycles of sleep-eat-masturbate-sleep.

One of those avenues netted him more praise than cash, and that had been helping out his old coach, Blue Spring, during the school's winter break...

"So you haven't submitted any of your applications?" Blue Spring rubbed a hoof over his mane and scratched at the back of his head. The older pony found it a mite odd, Ace having been one of his star players and all. He knew he could get a sports scholarship to whatever college he wanted.

"I've been in a pretty shitty slump, Coach. I'm not sure what I want right now..." Ace was comfortable enough to admit these things to the older pony, things he wouldn't be caught dead repeating to his folks. With a huff, he shifted a large bin on wheels containing various balls in to a corner of the gym storage room while Coach stacked some mats to the side. "And I know what you're gonna say. Get myself in the door and figure the rest out later. I just can't find the motivation to do it if I don't even know where the finish line is."

"I would say something like that, wouldn't I? Grab the other end of that would ya? We'll move it against the wall. Then I think we're golden!" They both lifted the lat pulldown machine and scooted it from the center of the room to the back wall, opening up a nice chunk of space for the new year. Coach rubbed his brow and looked fondly upon Ace. "It sounds like maybe taking a breather for a year or two would do you some good. No sense rushing. You're still young and got plenty of time to make the right play. Pace is the trick in this kinda race."

A sensible approach, Ace thought. Coach always had a mind for tactics. Blue Spring nodded in approval of his own words and patted Ace's shoulder, surveying their organizational work. "Don't think it has looked this clean since the gym was built!"

"For real. It was a nice workout and a great excuse to get out of the house." He grinned, leaning in to the hoof now squeezing his shoulder. There was a certain strength in that grip that made him feel safe. And maybe it also made his loins tingle.

"Really appreciate you coming in to help, Ace. Miss having you around. Now... how about we hit the showers and call it a day, eh?"

Their eyes met, the implication behind those words clear as a blue sky, furthered by the weight of Blue Spring's gaze. "Sounds good, Coach~"

How many times had Ace stayed after practice or shown up during a free period? Too many to count. In a lot of ways, Coach was the paternal guidance Ace had always been missing at home, so he was eager to please. Coach knew what he wanted and he wasn't stingy with the praise. It gave Ace a sense of satisfaction, making Coach happy... on and off the field.

--

With how things had been left with Lancer at the end of school and his flat out refusal to entertain these parts of himself he deemed wrong... it was a wonder how he now found himself so entangled in that eagerness to full on explore this other side of self he had so adamantly fought against.

Throughout school he had always been able to hide behind being the star athlete, the perfect model everyone else aspired toward. These feelings had been relegated to outlier errors, in direct opposition to the rigid stance he upheld. It wasn't a night and day switch, it was something that came on gradually and built up. The brief encounters from before he had sealed away came dribbling out, sloshing around. Vexing. Vying for attention.

Ace didn't have to hide any more. Everything else was coming apart at the seams anyway so why bother trying to hold it all in? That's what he told himself after countless sleepless nights, laying in bed and mulling his thoughts over and over and over.

He knew without saying it too that he was grasping at straws. Anything that gave him a way to supplement those feelings of being on top of the world, the star in the spotlight, he chased. He knew how shameful it was and how downright hypocritical it was as well. To have denied Lancer for so long and himself to the point of ruining that friendship, only to now allow himself the freedom to plow fully in to the thick of it...

Or be plowed, as it turned out.

--

A heavy steam filled the locker room, thick and intimate. It felt like being in another world. The water was hot and crashed down in endless waves, deafening in the liminal space. Darkness leered at them between the empty slits in the lockers, the lined tiles beneath his hooves stretching on in to infinity.

Ace shivered beneath the spray despite the heat, stifling a moan. Blue Spring nipped at his flank, a husky growl in his throat as he nudged his snout along Ace's spine, sharp little kisses dotting their way up his back until teeth grazed against the soft flesh of his neck. Coach's lips made his shaft throb in anticipation.

There was suddenly a hoof tangling in his mane, pulling his head back as his chest was pushed up against the wall. Blue Spring's rough mouth covered his as the older pony's thick cock speared in to his private depths. Teddy's voice rang in one ear, hissing like the water, "I didn't know you were such a bottom bitch~"

Coach's voice groaned in his other, "You're so damn tight~ Fuuuuck..."

He pretended the redness on his cheeks, both fore and aft, was due to the sting and heat of the water. Definitely not from Blue's appreciative moans and steady thrusts.

Ace lost himself in every ounce of sensation that rained down upon him and burrowed within. One hoof grabbed Coach's and pulled it down to grip his own dripping shaft while trying to press himself backwards in to that larger body. To be engulfed entirely. He cried out as Blue responded by crushing him in to the wall, motions more erratic, pounding in to him with an intensity that screamed of the primal urge to claim and fill the chalice of his being.

"Aaaah~ Good boy... good boy.. fuck, Ace.. that's it.. take it!"

There was a new roughness to this dance not experienced before. He never felt so wanted or needed in that moment. The warmth peaking between his thighs was like lightning. "Coach!" Ace cried out as he hit his climax, folding under the mind numbing assault and the girth of the cock ramming mercilessly to his core. He came, splattering viscous white against the wall with each thrust of Blue's powerful hips, muscles contracting, gripping every inch that invaded his body.

Coach buried himself deep and Ace sputtered another cry, a different blossoming of heat filling his vessel, bulging his belly. Every throb of Blue's cock reverberated through him, his hooves leaving the ground as that tip flared inside, locking them together. Each heavy spurt of Coach's seed making him feel like he had eaten a whole meal.

He was a puppet, engorged on the limb of his maker, begging for every filthy morsel.

Oh, how he wanted to remain like that, Coach's strong arms around his middle, holding him tightly. He found himself shifted about, Blue Spring's back now to the wall before they slid to the floor. Ace nestled comfortably on his lap, whimpering in a befucked daze. Turning his head and leaning, he nuzzled against the other's neck, squirming as a heavy hoof found his still twitching cock and stroked it.

"Still my star~" Coach whispered, letting their lips meet again. This time his tongue wormed past the threshold of Ace's mouth. He suckled on that slippery muscle, feeling Blue start to grind up against him again.

The kiss broke and Coach groaned, groping Ace's flanks, lifting him, slowly starting to pull himself free. "God... I wish I could bring you home. Honeystreak would kill me. Mmn... you good for another lap?"

Ace hid his dismay. He never really liked Coach's wife, she seemed pretty hooves off with Blue... which explained how pent up he was. Good thing she wasn't here now so Ace could show her how to treat her husband! He nodded as half the load he was pumped full of came gushing out. And then he was pushed forward, Coach mounting him from behind as he lined himself up.

"That's my boy..." Lips brushed along Ace's ear, Blue's strong body smothering his own. "Now beg."

"Yes, Coach... p-please... fu... fuck me. I... I need you~ Please! Aah!" Ace came the moment Coach hilted him.

Everything after that was a blurry mess of untethered moans and raw, hungry fucking. Drool oozed from his muzzle as his cheek was pressed to the floor tiles. The slap of their bodies echoed through the locker room. He felt nothing but Coach's thick, greedy cock pounding his ass.

He was the star. This... was his show.

--

By the time he was home, standing outside of his house, wad of cash in hoof, it was all a distant thrum. A trip of pleasure taken by someone else who returned only with vague descriptions and hazy photographs. And a sore back end. Yet it left him with an indescribable longing for more. He hadn't had his fill, despite having been thoroughly filled three times. The vessel of his being writhed with the starved pangs of hunger. An inescapable, incessant gnawing that persisted at the walls of his entire existence.

At least he had the decency to wait until he was inside out of the cold to start crying.

The shame, the yearning, and whatever other emotions that all coalesced together he could mostly deal with. But the emptiness that rode bareback over everything, stripping him down and raking like searing coal over tender flesh... that was unbearable. There was nothing there for him. At the end of the day he was still alone.

Ace had to drag himself in to the shower and crank the knob as hot as it would go just to find an equilibrium.

He sat under the stream until all he could feel was numb.

Chapter Text

"Why won't you apologize?" The voice didn't belong to anyone in particular. It just whispered through his head; a visage undefined seated across from him as he stared off out a window at the swaying branches of a tree that looked like the one outside Miss Hackney's classroom.

"What's the point?" He's been here before. Maybe not this exact room in this exact setup. It was one of many, always shifting configurations and lacking any true definition. A mere backdrop to the back and forth.

"You have every opportunity to make amends. True friends will forgive you for your questionable times. It's called being there for each other. Which you've also been failing at. And you don't fail."

He ignored the jab at failing. Thanks, dad. "They don't need need me. My parents don't need me. No one needs me. I have nothing to offer anyone. I just take up space. So again, what's the point?"

"That isn't true and you know it. Everyone needs someone or something. Why don't you think they need you? You're not even giving them the option."

"Maybe I don't want to? If I don't have anyone, no one can hold me down."

"You're doing a fine job of that all on your own. So... what's your plan? Save up enough money. Leave town. Start fresh somewhere else. No ties to anything or anyone. How will you keep running then, with nothing to fall back on if you stumble? If you abandon everyone... who is going to help pick you up when you inevitably become unable to lift yourself?"

"..."

"He'll forgive you, you know."

"Of course he'd forgive me. But I..." This was dumb. He hated talking to what he could only assume was himself. He wasn't Patch, believing in any number of dumbassish otherworldly things. "...I can't forgive me. I know that sounds stupid, so I guess... I am stupid. Whatever. I wasn't ready to be that Ace. Not the one he needed. I don't even know what Ace I want... or need to be. I don't want to keep pretending, that game is old. And I... don't want to go crawling back to everyone and have them looking at me like I'm... Ace. Do you... get that? I can't be me and I don't know how... how to not be... me?"

"You have lived behind that mirror of perfection for too long. You need to step out from its shadow. The truth is there, waiting. You choose to keep ignoring it."

"The damn mirror is broken! I'm like the... the dumbass pieces all over the floor! They're all me... and not me. I can't sort this shit and I can't ask anyone else to help sort it with me. They don't... no one... ugh. No one deserves this fucking mess."

"They'll understand if you let them. Life is about finding yourself, sometimes many times over. Rise and fall. Ebb and flow. We exist in cycles. As this one ends, a new one begins~"

"Uh huh. You ever read a story where a fallen star found its way back in to orbit?"

There was a length of silence. Hah. Checkmate, loser. "...No. But that does not mean it can't be written."

"Next you're going to tell me something lame like I'm the author of my own fate. Deep six these nuts, dude. You think I don't know I've burnt through all my atmosphere on my way down? I lost my shine. I'm fucking pedestrian. Should I call up Bright Eyes, have her define that for you? I'm square one-ing this bitch, relearning how to walk..."

"You don't have to do it alone."

"I think I do."

Another measure of silence. "...Why?"

Ace blinked, the four corners of his room coming back in to focus, staring at his hoof as it dangled off the edge of his bed, eyes moist. "Tch... trying to rain indoors? Weak sauce."

Why?

The word echoed in his head as he lifted his gaze and looked around in the dim morning light. He often found himself in a position like this, unable to sleep as his brain went on an endless roundabout with itself, having completely fabricated conversations with any number of faceless ponies. Always the same damn tune. He could fix everything and he was choosing not to. Blah, blah. He was allowing himself to wallow in his own self-sustaining misery machine. The voice was right -- he was existing in a cycle. Repeating the same thoughts chapter after chapter. Ace was chasing worn threads and ephemeral highs. He knew it. And yet... he let himself continue blazing that self destructive trail because at least he was feeling something.

Something was always better than nothing, right?

"Love these talks." He snorted, rolling out of bed. There wasn't any more time for further ruminations. It was almost 8am and he needed to get down to the docks within the hour to help Buck Batches unload an incoming shipment and deliver the contents around town.

--

Buck was another adult, like Coach, who he felt pretty comfortable with. Ace had sort of known Buck for a long while, having helped him out a few times over the years; on top of him being a very familiar face around town, since he serviced almost all of the businesses. The difference now was that Ace was getting more of a trade off. The stallion must've been in his late fifties, certainly older than Blue Spring. Age did what it did to a lot of once strapping studs and had softened Buck's barrel, not that his gut was unattractive, Ace couldn't imagine him without it, but Ace could recall a time with him being leaner. It suited the larger male though, he wore it well. It fit him. And his personality was equally large as it was soft and inviting.

Ace never thought of him as fat. Under that chubby layer was all muscle from years of moving heavy things around. He could throw Ace the whole length of his truck if not further. He admired that strength. Hoped he looked as sturdy when he got that old. If he lived that long.

Buck was leaning against the front of his truck, half asleep or lost in thought, it was hard to tell. The shuffle of Ace's hooves made him lift his head and he pushed his hat up by the bill as the younger pony came trotting down to the loading ramp. "Hrrm. Almos' didn't think you were gonna show, kid~"

"Your watch must be off, old timer. I'm ten minutes early!"

"Ten whole minutes! By golly. I'll be sure'n get you the shiniest gold star for punk-chew-ality."

"Now you're being stingy! I deserve at least two gold stars~ One for each of these box busters!" Ace clapped his front hooves together and rose up on his hind legs, punching at the air.

"Hah! We'll see what'cha earn after the day's done, twinkle hooves. Ain't got as much as I 'nitially told ya we were gonna have. Part of the shipment got delayed'er somethin'. Still a decent amount to get haulin' so we best get to shiftin' the shit." Buck moseyed on alongside Ace, reaching over and ruffling his mane. "Ya up for it? Looks like ya missed the bus to slumber town with them bags yer draggin' under your eyes."

"Pfft. I could run laps around you dragging these bags and that bus!" Ace snorted and bucked at the air, as much showing off as showcasing he had plenty of energy.

Buck chuckled as he unlatched the back of the truck and shoved the liftgate upward. "I won't worry none, then. We'll get'cha good'n worn out."

"You know I'm good for it... and more~" Ace grabbed the other end of the loading ramp as they pulled it out and lowered it, then made a point to, casually, brush along Buck's side. It made the older pony laugh.

Ace liked his laugh, it was full and hearty.

"Ah, youth..." Buck smirked, whipping his tail across Ace's flank, making him yip as he turned and started toward the shipping container. "Lets deal with this load first, then see if'n yer eyes aren't bigger than your stomach."

"I think I know what I can swallow."

Again, like with Coach, the banter was easy to get lost in. Buck exuded a similar warmth. How did Ace find this? He wanted it bottled and readily available for consumption.

If only Buck was around Coach's age, then maybe he could have pictured himself cozying up for more than an after work treat. As it was, he couldn't see himself dating Buck and he was one hundred percent certain the stallion wouldn't go for that either. He thought about Coach a lot, and they did text often enough... but he was married. Ace couldn't fathom a way to weasel himself in there, despite heavily considering telling Blue Spring how he felt on the slim off chance of something more. He definitely deserved better than that nasty mare he got hitched with.

Then there was Starlight's dad, the ice cream shop being one of their regular stops, and, well... he was... Starlight's dad. Hot as he was, he was also older than Coach and probably wouldn't go for a relationship either. He was more or less in the same boat as Ace, trying to find comfort in intimate companionships. Ok, maybe not the same-same boat. Ace hadn't lost a partner of an untold number of years...

How did he attain what he desired? Or was he destined to be some back alley pretty boy, scraping the spattered appreciation he craved off the wall?

No. He knew he couldn't live like that. That wasn't him. Begging for scraps? Fuck that. That's not what he was doing currently, either! Though it probably looked that way. He was engaging in consensual bartering of goods and services. Totally different.

Anyway. Those weren't his cards. Sure, he'd thrown away his hand in lieu of building up another... he just wished he knew what trying to build himself back up was going to take. When much of life came easy to him it sure was a slap in the face from reality when he found himself floundering in the deep end. All he could do was swim through his own shit.

Man, he felt... pathetic.

All these mental gymnastics and he couldn't even apologize to the pony his own age who had wanted him. Who also deserved so much better than the version of Ace he would have gotten.

Circles. Cycles. Circuits.

Ace hated the repetitive loop of his thoughts. Luckily, at least for today, he had this work as a distraction. And he was going to milk it for all it was worth.

--

Splotches of blue dared break through the endless march of grey as the morning moved, one package at a time, from container to truck. Ace and Buck worked remarkably efficient together and before long they were pulling up in front of the Rainbow Ice Cream Shop.

Buck shifted the truck in to park and killed the engine, looking over at Ace with a soft smile. "Alright. How's about we kill two birds with one stone 'ere, eh? I'll take the deliveries across the way to Jet's tavern n'you can muscle the load for Starlight's."

"You mean Mr. Bleu's?" Ace raised a brow.

"Hahah, yeah... yeah, sure. He's a pretty face, ain't he? But we all know lil miss Starlight's already got th' place under her capable hooves. Shame what happened to her mum."

He couldn't really argue with that. Starlight did essentially run the place all on her own most of the time. Ace's face did fall at mention of Braylene Gift, Starlight's mother. The doctors had given a favorable outlook with her initial diagnosis and treatment had gone well, even if she hadn't regained her full faculties. But a year and a half later, a relapse of equine protozoal myeloencephalitis exacted its final toll. It had hit Starlight really hard despite her insistently telling everyone she was fine. She wasn't fooling anyone. Even Ace could see she never found the time to grieve. She dropped out of high school in her junior year, having to help her dad manage the shop and the salon, with somehow also squeezing in the time to get her GED. All while keeping the bravest of faces despite the ragged aura that loomed over her.

The notion sounded harsh even as he thought it, but he didn't have the spoons to think about that whole ordeal right now. It was Starlight... and she was stronger than he ever was. She always stood her ground in the face of things. He admired that.

"Mrs. Gift was a great mare, even when we were being rotten little shits." He nodded his head solemnly, allowing a respectful moment of silence before clapping his hooves together to dispel the gloom. "And... Starlight is tough as nails. If anyone can pull their weight, it's her. Alright. Lets get these packages packed!"

Ace didn't dish out compliments lightly, and certainly not in front of the intended recipients. Maybe that would change one day.

Buck gathered his first load on a dolly and made his way down the road to the local pub owned by Jetstream Twist. Ace had never been, obviously, but he'd heard stories. Buck even shared a few, having known Jet's father who ran the place before him. Sounded like some good times.

He really wanted to have a good time... Whatever though. Sheesh. He needed to focus and lock in! Ace hoped that no one he knew was currently visiting the ice cream shop, because that was the last thing he needed to deal with right now.

Starlight he could handle and, truth be told, she was usually there anyway, so she didn't really count. He could shut her up with a look and a practiced smile. A little touch of her hoof and she'd practically fall all over him. It was funny how predictable she was, even to this day. Sadly, for her, he wasn't in to her like she wanted. Deep down she had to know it. He wished she would bat her eyes at some pony else. Like Logan. Or hell, he'd always thought her and Bon Bon would make a killer pair. Imagine -- the best baked goods and smoothies and milkshakes this side of Ponyland? Without a doubt. If only Bon Bon wasn't a deep fried closet case he could probably tag team her with Patch and... yikes! Phrasing. That was a mental image he wasn't sure he needed living rent free in his head.

Closet case. Yeah. He was the pot calling the kettle on that one.

--

Luck, for once, decided on playing nice it seemed. There was no sign of Starlight as Ace wheeled his pallet of goods in through the front doors. Her father, Ciel Bleu, stopped mid-wipe of the counter and came trotting over to give Ace a helping hoof. The sparkle in his eyes and the light, teasing tone of his voice was a night to day shift from Buck's down-to-earth accent.

"Oh! Ace~ Let me help you with that. You're looking, ah... merveilleux, as usual. Can't say the, mm, Air de Sommeil is your best suit, but... Je n'ai aucune plainte."

"Eh. A little rough sleep never killed anyone, Mr. Bleu. Where you want me to put this stuff?"

"Oh please~ You know better. Call me Ciel, chéri. And why don't we take this in to the back. Easier for me to put it where it needs to be after."

No one was in the parlor so Ciel let himself tease Ace as he was prone to do. They barely made it in to the kitchen area before Ace allowed himself to be swept up in an embrace and kissed like he was a lover returned after missing for untold months.

"Mmn~ Tu es mon délicieux petit étalon~"

Ace shivered as much from the touch of Ciel's hooves as he did his silky voice. He had zero idea what was said, but it sure caused his body to tingle in all the right spots. Alas, he had to pull away unless he risked getting any more turned on. It wouldn't do to have Starlight wander in or for him to leave sporting any kind of erection. He wasn't getting paid to mess around with the clientele.

"You know I wish I could stay and play, but... ah... I still got a couple more deliveries to make with Buck."

He immediately wanted to kiss the pout off Ciel's face. "Hélas, mon cœur! Tsk... such is life. Comment va Monsieur Buck? Toujours aussi corpulent et charmant?"

At Ace's blank look and empty smile, Ciel laughed and patted his head, leaning in and smooching his adorable little snout. "Ce n'est rien~ When are you free next, mon doux secret? I've missed you so~"

"I'd have to double check my schedule. You've got my number, right? We could plan something, for sure. I um... I miss you too. Been picking up a lot of odd jobs lately. Need to save up some cash. You know how it is." The contents of the pallet were moved one by one, slower than Ace would have liked. Starlight's dad and his stupidly sexy blue tail...

"Oh, mon entrée savoureuse..." Ciel gives a wink and slides a hoof between Ace's hindquarters as he sets a crate of goods to one side. Ace finds himself leaning back in to another embrace, warm breath teasing against his ear. "I would pay for a whole night if we can work something out. Perhaps a trip to that motel on the edge of town? Juste nous deux~"

A night away from the cage of his own house was almost payment enough.

"Mmn... you'd looooove that, wouldn't you?" He turned and pecked a kiss against those luscious lips, letting himself press more firmly up against Ciel's body, tracing a hoof slowly down his chest. "I think that sounds like we need to make it happen~"

"Fantastique!" Another few kisses were traded as pleased sounds rumbled in Ciel's throat. "I will, mm... t'envoyer un message... later this evening, mon jeune amant, and we shall... work out the details?"

"Can't wait." Ace grins and slips a hoof behind the apron, cupping over Ciel's crotch, giving the half erect shaft a squeeze. "I hope you've been saving me lots and lots of cream."

"Ooohm, je te recouvrirai de lait, mon petit amant~"

Any further fooling around is interrupted by the jingle of the front door. That pout returns momentarily to Ciel's face, who clears his throat and adjusts himself. A hoof is placed briefly against Ace's cheek and a tender gaze is shared before he heads out to tend to the new guest, leaving Ace to finish unloading.

When he leaves the back room, dragging the now empty cart along, his stomach drops at the sight of a blue pony with a shaved down mat of bright orange mane, ordering two to-go drinks at the counter. Luck apparently decided to skip town when he wasn't looking. Ace steeled himself and picked up his pace, hoping against hope that he wouldn't be noticed.

Of course that failed. Teddy's head snapped in Ace's direction. Was there the briefest flash of relief and worry or was he imagining things? Whatever it had been was replaced with a hard stare as he paid. Ciel waved and blew Ace a parting kiss when Teddy was busy hurriedly counting out the appropriate amount of jangles.

"Ace! Hey, wait up a sec!"

Ace avoided eye contact and continued on his way, managing to get all the way out the door and to the truck before Teddy caught up in huffle.

"Yo! Before you say anything, shut up. I really only care because he does... you know... he's worried about you." There is that unforgettable tone in Teddy's voice. The one where he sounds like he is perpetually pissed off and trying hard to keep it under wraps.

Ace rolled his eyes. "Tell him I'm fine. I'm doing great. Fantastique, even."

"You're a shitty liar, man. The fuck is wrong with you, ghosting everyone? Guess I win the bet on if you're even still alive or not..." He snorted a short laugh.

"Piss off, Teddy. It's my own damn business." Ace was saved any further annoyance as Buck returned, crossing the street. He took that as a cue to wheel the cart up the ramp in to the truck. "Good seeing you. I gotta get back to work."

Teddy just stood there, looking like he was trying to come up with something to say. By the time he finally opened his mouth, Ace had already latched the liftgate and climbed in to the passenger seat.

As they drove off, he could feel the glare without looking in the rearview.

--

After the next two stops were completed without further incident, Buck got a call that the missing portion of the shipment had been dropped off. Ace had zero qualms about sticking around to help. By the time they were truly done for the day, they were parked down a quiet side street, enjoying a free meal from their last stop at Granny Clyde's Burger Shack.

Their chatter was mild, the drone from the radio quiet and crackling. With the sun setting along the horizon it bathed the moment in a fine ambiance.

Wordlessly, Ace reached over and brushed a hoof against Buck's hock and stifle and the stallion responded with a low chortle and adjusted his seat, regarding the younger pony for a few seconds before shifting slightly to the side and leaning back. "Guess ya earned some extra fer all th' help today..."

Buck hadn't been the one to initiate these after work encounters with Ace, nor was he inclined to deny the pony his desires. There wasn't really any harm in it, though he did suspect Ace was running from something. It gave then both a measure of relief. Something in the young stud's eyes said he needed it.

The fat head of Buck's cock was already poking out of its sheath. Ace kind of had a thing for making soft, pliable things hard so it was like the cherry on top. Lips parted, tongue dancing around the edge before lowering and sucking that stout tip in to his muzzle. The way Buck groaned made his tail wag.

"Aaah... you sure know... how t'make a days work worth it, don't'cha?"

Buck's hoof gently stroked through his mane as Ace fondled those hefty balls, closing his eyes as he focused on the sensation of the dick in his mouth, throbbing and plumping up. It took up all the space his muzzle offered, pushing back and down his throat until he had to pull off, coughing and licking his lips.

He kissed down its glistening length and nuzzled against the old pony's sack, wrapping a hoof around him and stroking. Buck made a number of gutteral sounds that made Ace's own cock hard, but this wasn't a reciprocal transaction. Moaning softly, bathing that shaft with his tongue as he worked upward to take it in to his mouth again... all he was concerned about was doing a good job. The best job.

"Mmmnff~ Hope yer... belly ain't too full, kid. Gonna... feed you a... second meal~"

The hoof brushing along his mane tangled in it and gripped, not a painful kind of hard but a telling one. It didn't take a whole lot to get Buck off. He could feel the heat building and that made him double his efforts as the stallion grunted and started to thrust. Ace relaxed his jaw and throat muscles, placing hooves on Buck's hips. All the practicing with peeled cucumbers paid off as he was able to wrap his lips around the thick base of that cock as it was driven down his gullet.

Despite being physically in the present with his sometimes-employer, Ace's thoughts kept drifting to Coach. Imagining the same scenario with him. He felt a bit guilty by it.

He was quickly brought back to reality when Buck gripped his head with both hooves and hilted against his muzzle with a deep, pleasured groan that made Ace weak in the knees. The rush of Buck's thick, musky seed pumped endlessly in to his maw, the flaring tip of that cock forcing him to swallow. And he did, eagerly, pressing his snout firm in to Buck's belly as the stallion shuddered through his release.

"Ooh, gooood... nnggh~ Gooood..."

That's all Ace wanted to hear.

--

A little bit of clean-up later and they were pulling up outside of Ace's house.

"If'n I were twenty years'er so younger..."

"Heh... we'd both be going back to your place."

"Eeyup~"

They shared a semi-depressing chuckle over that before Ace sighed. "If you've got any more jobs coming up, you'll let me know? Anything at all."

"Hm..." Buck took off his hat as he looked over at Ace, rubbed a hoof through his mane and set it back in place. "You in a hurry to get somewhere, kiddo?"

Ace fidgeted, making an awkward shuffle as he couldn't decide if he wanted to squirm or shrug. "Yeah... out of this town."

Buck regarded him for a lengthy moment, peering through his soul and appraising the depth of the situation. You could tell a lot by a glance if you knew what to look for. "Ain't none'o my business but... I know when someone don't have a clue what direction they should be headin'. You really think it'll help?"

He hated being read like an open book. A curt nod of his head was given. "I... I do."

"Mm." The older pony gave a nod in kind. "Got another shipment coming in next Monday. Not much between now'n then but if I do happen across something I'll give you a call."

"Thanks." Ace unbuckled and opened the door, only half turned before he felt a heavy hoof on his shoulder.

"Do yerself a favor, kid... talk t'someone. Don't let a creek turn in to a tidal wave, eh?"

The unsolicited advice was met with both appreciation and apprehension. He glanced back at Buck and gave a smile, however, nuzzling against his hoof. "...I'll try... have a good night Buck."

"You too."

Ace watched the truck head down the road until the red glow of the tail lights vanished around a bend in the road. Why did everyone see through him so easily? A melancholy raincloud attempted to brew itself above his head, but he gave such an irate snort that it caught fire and dissipated, screaming in to the frigid skies. He shuffled up the drive and nudged the front door of the house open a tad more aggressively than was warranted.

Talk to someone? Yeah, right. He couldn't even have a decent conversation with himself, there was no imagining an attempt to have one with someone else. That meant having to let someone in. And that was the heart of the issue, wasn't it? Years he'd spent crafting this play-it-cool, somewhat unflappable in the face of the world kind of full body cast. How was he expected to break out of that in any remotely uncomplicated fashion? No one told him these things took time, so here he was, running head first in to the walls like a bad day time soap opera on repeat. Every time he thought there was a crack of light, he did something that pulled the whole floor from under his hooves and threw him deeper down in it. He didn't understand that phrase about having cake and not being able to eat it. If you couldn't eat it, why did you have it? The whole having part was literally baked in. Oh gods, he was turning in to Bon Bon. For a pony that could cook such delectable things, her jokes were in awfully poor taste...

At least his eyes were dry tonight. He was too on the angry side of upset to submit to tears.

A shred of solace did come buzzing through his phone as he lay in bed after a lengthy shower where he just stood, listless under the stream until the hot water ran out. A text from Ciel.

Finally. Date night was scheduled~

Chapter Text

Ace glanced up as he approached the dimly lit parking lot of the Stagecoach Motel. It was settled in a quaint pocket at the edge of town in a less developed area. Behind the building was a wide open meadow with a sizeable pond and beyond that was the forest, which the road leading out of town curved in to and was subsequently devoured by.

Pulling his phone out of a coat pocket, gaze dropping to the screen, he scanned over the last message from Starlight's dad:

10PM. Room 139. J'ai hâte de te voir, mon beau petit risque~

The room in question was around back on the end. It would have a lovely view of the snow covered field come morning, with the sun grazing over the frozen surface of the pond. No doubt Ciel's idea of romantique. Part of him wished he would be sharing it with Blue Spring instead... even if the last text still showed as unread. Ah, well. Another day maybe.

Ace shook his head and ruffled his hooves through his mane, pausing for a minute in front of the door to then brush it back down in to some semblance of order and unbutton his jacket. He knocked, a double tap followed by a third, then opened the, as he had guessed, unlocked door. Would Ciel have himself spread out on the bed like last time, dressed up in the skimpiest maid outfit ever created? Or would it be a new surprise?

"Votre prince charmant est là~" His butchered French spilled out in playful waves, only to choke up on the last few syllables as he came to a staggering halt a few feet inside. The door clicked close behind him, sounding like a tomb sealing his fate.

Starlight was sitting on the edge of the bed, the look of shock on her face matching his own.

"A-Ace!?" Her muzzle hung open in disbelief. "It... it's... you? You! You're my dad's Séduisant Petit Muffin!?"

"St... Starlight! Wh-what the fuck are you doing here?!"

"Nooo~ Oooh, no. You don't get to ask me that." Her father had been acting odd the past few months, happy one day, moping the next. Sneaking off at weird hours and not returning until morning. He was a grown ass adult, but it had been affecting his work and that didn't fly with her. Not when the family team was down to two.

She stood, a force of pink and yellow, and stepped toward him. To her defense, the heat of her anger dried the tears that would have normally been welling up in her eyes. Ace. The one and only Ace that she had been pining after since they were kids... was her father's secret rendezvous. Stamping a hoof, her voice invited no fucking around. "Explain yourself. Now."

Ace let out an awkward laugh, despite. His mouth started running before he had a chance to catch it. "Hah... hahah... it was a joke! We thought..."

The ensuing slap echoed like a gunshot in the room and knocked him so hard off balance he had plant his hooves to keep from being bowled over. That, maybe... he deserved. The following silence prickled across his skin like electricity.

"Don't you dare try to play your way out of this one. You've got some serious fucking balls, you---"

"Yeah, I do! I've got HUGE balls." His anger flared to correspond with hers. "And I was about to be seriously fucking balls deep in your dad! And you know what? He LOVES it." Ace's cheeks burned red, not just from the slap. He faced up to Starlight, cutting her off while he threw his coat across the room. "That why you're here, huh? Gonna be his stand-in tonight? You need a good fuck!?"

Words she had lined up failed to make their way out of her mouth. She wasn't sure what she was expecting but this wasn't it. He backed her up against the bed. What was even happening right now? There was absolutely no possible way there was any hint of arousal between her flanks, and yet...

Starlight snarled. "Yeah right. I get it now... why you never looked my way... guess you only get hard for guys twice your age! You're such a fa----"

He cut her off again. This time it was the rough, unrelenting crush of his mouth over hers as they fell on to the bed. So much for being unflappable and cool. At first, the audacity of the maneuver had her squirming and shoving at him. Who did he think he was!? When his hoof gripped her mane and yanked her head back so her eyes met his she saw there was a fire in them that needed to be put out... the very hard dick pressing between her teats and prodding her belly a further testament to that.

"I came here to fuck. Full stop. You gonna pony up? Or you gonna pretend you don't want this?"

Starlight did not appreciate being spoken to like some... some thing made for breeding. Her teeth grit together, hooves still against his chest. She squirmed more. Felt him grind against her. This was not the plan. And yet... here was the long held object of her desire, on top of her and ready to go.

Two burning stars colliding...

Never in her life did she think she would so casually throw caution, not to the wind, but right out the window. It was a bitter grin that cracked across her lips. "Dois-je supplier comme un chien? Ou vas-tu me baiser comme tu baiserais mon père?"

Starlight slapped at him a second time as they glared at one another. He grabbed her hoof and pinned it to the bed. When she tried to slap with her other, he pinned that one too. Then it turned in to a messy trade of teeth and lips and muffled curses. She butted her head against his hard enough to make him see stars, and when she bit his neck, it was hard enough to draw blood.

"What are you waiting for, coward~ Do it." Words hissed against his ears as she freed her hooves and grabbed his face yanking him toward her. She shoved her tongue down his throat... and he shoved his cock inside of her. Wet as she was, it was still her first time. When he forced himself in to her she cried out in to his mouth and kissed harder, trying to drown out the sensation of being stretched beyond her conceivable limits. It hurt. He hadn't been wrong, though failed to mention his cock was on par with the size of his aforementioned balls.

The sex was brutal, to attribute it lightly. Was this how he fucked her father? Or was this some new animal she'd unleashed? There was a scene playing in her head she couldn't help imagining as he plowed in to her, the vision of him on top of Ciel. Her father moaning. It shouldn't have done what it was doing to her; she wanted what she thought they had. He broke the kiss to sink his teeth in along her collar, hips thrusting at the same time with a paper thin abandon that made her gasp for breath.

She had her hoof wedged between their bodies, rubbing madly over the nub of her clit while Ace drove himself as deep as he could manage. The flurry of sensations, the exhilaration, the pain... everything. It sent her over the edge. Starlight came, gushing and tightening like a vice around his cock. "M-Mon dieu! Aah!"

It was... pretty nice. That's all she could think as she let the pleasure wash over her. Just... nice. She could have done without the humiliation and the angry build up. Or the definitely-going-to-be-sore tomorrow, last night on earth style he came at her with. Fighting for a good time seemed so counter productive. Shuddering, she let her body run its course...

"Is this... hrrrnn.. what you.. wanted!?" Ace pulled out so suddenly it stole all the remaining air from her lungs, making her rake her hooves down his back. His growl was throaty, lustful, and just this side of malicious as he rolled her over, pushing her down like a rag doll. She managed to whip her fluid soaked tail across his face in the process. He nipped at it, body descending atop hers. The tip of his cock missed its mark and slid against her ass. Starlight wasn't quite ready for that opening to be breached despite her pressing back against him with a starved little whimper aimed to keep him on edge. Teeth snapped dangerously close to her ear, his hot breath rushing against it. Very pointedly, he wrapped her mane around his hoof, and more gently this time, pulled her head up as he realigned his shaft with her aching slit. "Say... my name..."

Starlight quivered and sniffed, stifling a laugh behind a desperate sounding moan. Hips wiggled teasingly before she bucked against him, spearing herself briefly on his tip, her folds squeezing invitingly... then she jerked forward. It made him make some strained sounds she took joy in. The following turn of her head only served to sting her scalp as he refused to loosen his grip. She spat at him in reply, despite the angle being all wrong, her wad of saliva sailing harmlessly past. If this encounter served as anything, it served to give her the boundary she needed to stop pining over him.

She would not be a play thing and she refused to have her emotions toyed with. Her curiosity and prayers of well wishing for him when he stopped talking to everyone dried up. Starlight couldn't have him, didn't want him. And she wasn't about to let him drain her lonely, widowed dad for cheap sex in a three star, at best, motel.

Taking him by surprise, she wrenched her body. Twisting and grabbing hold of him. Knowing how to use the weight she had to her advantage, leveraging it as she rolled them over. Hooves clung to his shoulders and slammed him against the stiff mattress. Time stopped for half a minute or more as they stared at each other, covered in scratches and bites, panting. With one hoof clutching around his neck, the other trailed down his chest and belly until she took hold of the twitching cock held captive between her thighs and squeezed. "You say my fucking name."

The way his eyes bugged out of his skull was almost comedic. Starlight lorded over the pacing, stroking him, getting a good look at the veiny length she gripped. The way it throbbed and spurt copious amounts of slick, clear fluid. Eager. Licking her lips she worked herself up and down his shaft, moaning for him, minutely moving faster, playing her part. She wanted him to feel every inch sliding against her. When his hooves reached down to grab her flanks, she watched his eyes flutter as sighs of pleasure left his mouth. "St... Starlight..."

"You like that...?" Her words trickled out in a whisper. His body was tensing beneath her. He was so, so close.

"...Mhm~"

She rose up, letting his tip kiss the mouth of her channel, applying enough pressure to make him groan. And just as he was about to slip inside of her... she let go, pushing herself off of him. Off the bed. Let him lay there looking confused, denied, and hungry for more. She savored that moment.

Ace sat up, mane falling in a mess about his face. "You wanna... try it upright, huh?"

"No." Her smile was empty as she fixed her own mane and picked her hoodie up off the lone chair by the window. "I think I'm good. You've really given me some new perspective, so... thanks for that."

"Wh-what the hell...?" Her shift in demeanor utterly derailed him. "Star... what are you...?"

Wiping herself down, quick and nonchalant, she sauntered to the door, sparing him a glance. She didn't give him the potential satisfaction of looking wounded, hurt or upset. Starlight was simply... done.

"Whatever you're looking for, Ace... my father doesn't have it. Please don't text him. Don't call him. And don't come around the shop any more. Not until you've sorted your shit out. I think... I think that's fair." Her eyes remained on him, watching the lust drain away. Watching his cock slack and the briefest flash of the hurt he was carrying skitter behind his eyes.

The smallest flower of regret tried to bloom within her. She denied that too. His hurt wasn't hers to fix, nor did she feel inclined to do so.

Ace opened his mouth, but Starlight was already out the door. It shut softly in to place and he was left staring down at his hooves, speechless. He didn't know what to think or feel. So he just lay back on the bed and stared up at the shoddy popcorn ceiling.

You really, truly did deserve that.

Sweetheart's voice echoed strangely through his mind from a time lost to memory. Visions of crushed lemons and an empty street. Fallout from the great lemonade stand war. Starlight had laid in to him relentlessly over his manipulation of Bon Bon. Just like tonight. She took the situation and assumed direct control.

The truth was... he knew shacking up with Ciel would some day come to bite him in the ass. Knew it was a wrong move and everything. And still, he did it. Because he wanted to. Because he was convincing himself driving wedges was for the best. Because if anyone still valued you, they would ask you to stay.

He stared up at the fading visage of Sweetheart's disapproving face.

"...I know..."

Chapter Text

Some time after Starlight left, Ace made himself get up and take a shower. He had to wash off her scent. Really he was trying to wash away the shame he felt for himself. The disgust. He got irrationally upset over the smell and feel of the cheap soap and shampoo, cursing the suds as they fled down the drain.

"You're doing it to yourself. Is it worth it? Huh? Is it?" The voice that was normally inside his head spoke out of his mouth and he thumped his head against the shower wall. Debated doing it harder until either the tiles cracked or his head split. Watched the bloody movie play out in his brain of the act, his body collapsing. Red running down the drain. The darkness blanketing over him. How no one would find him for days until the cleaning crew arrived. Sweetheart probably, and Coach, the only two ponies at his funeral. No one would put his favorite flowers by the headstone. No one knew what they were.

No one knew him. The curtains would fall and the show would be over and... what was he to anyone? Who was he? A selfish prick who was doing anything but drugs, though those were sounding more and more appealing, to get a fraction of the highs he used to feel.

He laughed. He laughed and laughed, for fear that if he didn't he would start to cry and never stop.

--

The walk home was long and grueling, much of the snow now compacted and frozen over multiple times. And he was still stuck in that nasty headspace. How many ways could it happen? Slipping on the ice, falling down a ravine, bones snapping. Slipping on the ice, out in to the street, hit by a truck. That mantra kept with him:

You're doing it to yourself.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" He snarled and kicked at a rock, nearly slipping and falling on his ass. Fucking ice. This road he was walking, both figurative and literal, could not come to an end soon enough.

Do yerself a favor, kid... talk t'someone.

He cursed Buck and his stupid sensible words, though he mentally apologized shortly after. All he wanted to do was crawl in to his own bed, burrow under the covers and sleep until winter and this clusterfuck of self loathing and bewildering frustration ceased to be. If only he could be so lucky.

It felt like an eternity before his house came in to view. Finally. He couldn't scramble up to the front door fast enough, relieved that there still wasn't a vehicle in the driveway. Still no parents to deal with. Because that would have made everything so much more fun.

Almost immediately he stalled in the doorway, something prickling along the back of his neck just as the shadowed figure on the living room couch rose up and turned toward him.

"Hey, fucko~ Bout time you got home."

Patch.

Ace didn't try to hide the disinterested groan that came out of his mouth, wanting to turn around and head right back outside. Sort of. Maybe. Ok, it was a fleeting feeling. He was actually a little glad to see her...

Even if he was going to act like he didn't.

"Nope! Nope, nope, nope... I already saw Teddy. And Starlight. I don't need to see you, too. If I pretend you're a ghost will you float the fuck away?" Kicking the door shut, Ace scowled and shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it up on a coat rack that needed its base bolt badly re-tightened.

"You're a real bucket of laughs, my guy. We all figured you'd be dead in a ditch somewhere or somethin'. Clover's lucky ass pulled the short straw, but if you made her cry I'd stomp your head in so... Surprise! This is your Doctor Patch Approved Wellness Check."

"Pfft. I'd hate to be your patient. Probably come in with a mild fever and get sent home a tetraplegic."

"I take my work very seriously, thank you." Hoof to her heart, Patch hopped off the couch and trotted over, nudging him toward the kitchen. No fear. Just pure Patchismo. "That's why I brought beer~"

Ace allowed himself to be guided, at least in direction, with a resigning sigh. "Where the heck did you manage to get beer? Thought you were banned from both corner marts after no less than two different altercations with the slurpee machines and a misdemeanor."

"Come on. You think I go through life without backup resources? Puh-leez~" Sure enough, crammed unceremoniously in to the fridge were two six packs of tall boys. Kipper Shoal's Red Barn Winter Milk Stout.

"I really don't know if I feel up to drinking..."

Patch scoffed at him as she plucked two cans and tossed one his way. "Sorry. Directions are to drain one can by mouth until gone or until Reasons I'm Being a Little Bitch and Avoiding All My Friends come to light."

"Good luck with that. My pity parties are by invite only and your name isn't on the guest list." Ace stared at the cold can in his hoof, grumbling as he reluctantly popped the tab. Free beer was free beer, even if it came with the side effects of having to drink them with one of the ponies he cared less about keeping away from than the others. Patch didn't really play sides unless the odds were stacked unfairly against someone else. And, well... this was infinitely better than being one hundred percent alone with his thoughts after the disaster-fuck at the motel.

"I use my awesome powers to sneak around and get in from an open window in the back. Nat 20 rolled for agility check. Lets go~" Patch cracked her can open and joined Ace as he sauntered back out to the living room to plop down on the couch and sat right beside him.

"So, on one end of the spectrum... Bright Eyes could care less whether or not you're alright because she's a four eyed bitch-canoe who had her potted plant pissed in." Patch took a sip of her beer, then glanced toward the general direction of the TV. "That was me. I pissed in her potted plant, for anyone playing the home game keeping score~ The rhyme? Inconsistent. The reason? Bewildering! OoOoOoh~ Spooky sound effects."

Ace blinked, looking across the room where she was staring. If he didn't know any better he'd assume she was high on something. But this was Patch on a normal day. "Who... the fuck are you talking to?"

"You're adorable." She looked back at him, sporting the biggest grin, deigning not to elaborate as she patted his cheek. But also giving him a look that said he should know better. "Anyway. Sweetheart, on the other, wishes you well and hopes things are okay..."

"Let me guess. Everyone else is either somewhere in the middle or out of the pool entirely." Eyes were rolled as he took a long drink.

"Clover is a doll, so she's more in Camp Sweetheart. Melody is... eh. She's over in the hot tub doing whatever, being pretty and singing songs and shit. Bon Bon, unf. She could bake my goods, ya know what I mean?"

He shook his head. "I don't think you even know what you mean..."

"She misses having you around and Starlight... well. She still gets silly hearts in her eyes every time she hears your name so that should answer that."

Ace downed the entirety of his beer at mention of her name. He followed that with a belch and snorted a laugh. "Think I ruined that."

"Damn, thirsty much? What'd you do, fuck her dad? I mean. I'd fuck her dad. He's hot." Patch laughed with him, taking it as a joke. Until he wasn't laughing any more and had tensed up. "Wait... wait are... are you... did you seriously fuck her dad?!"

He had been raking himself over the coals enough he didn't need Patch's help. The tears budding at the corners of his eyes had her fumbling with her can. She hadn't been entirely prepared for this caliber of Ace. His silence told her everything she needed to know. "Hoooooly shit, dude. And she knows?"

"That's where I was last night. Supposed to meet him at the motel. Instead, Star was there..." He hid his face with a hoof. Why was he even telling Patch this? Like she would have any great advice or help him admonish his... his sins, or whatever the hell. The words were already out of his mouth, the universe in agreement with Buck. He needed someone to talk to. And the universe, in all its mind boggling glory and wisdom... had sent him Patch. "I'm... I'm fucking everything up..."

When his shoulders sagged and he began to shake, she realized he had started to cry. In front of her. Which meant this was no longer in un- and semi- serious territory.

Ace tried to play it off, sniffing harshly and tossing his empty can on to the coffee table, trying to save face. "It's whatever though! Yeah. Her dad is fucking hot! The things he can do with his tongue... and don't get me started on that masterclass ass. He can bounce for---"

"WHOA... whoawhoawhoa! I don't need all the details. I mean. I won't stop you if you want to keep going. Like. How many drops does it take to make you pop? Is his tail as soft as it looks? What does he taste like?" Patch shook her head violently, sending her mane all over, then followed suit by downing her beer and slamming it in the table. Focus up! Don't let him distract you with tales of forbidden debauchery! "Actually don't tell me. I'm gonna tap my button to those mental images later. Time for Round Two!"

He didn't have time to think about what she meant about tapping buttons as she jumped off the couch and headed back in to the kitchen to get them another drink. He called after her. "So, what about you, huh? Where are you on the scale of Bright Eyes to Sweetheart? Wasn't that long ago you were Bright Eyes' shadow. Bet you were big mad she socked me one and you didn't."

"Naaaah, man. I don't need to punch people to feel better. I was hoping you were dead so I could go through your stuff." That got him to laugh, at least. Patch came bounding back in to the room and leapt on to the couch, bouncing across the cushions and throwing another can at him. Which he caught, thankfully, with his hoof and not his face.

"Nice. Teddy said almost the same thing." Cans were raised and tapped together in a toast before being gulped down to half. Fuck it. This wasn't so bad. Had he really expected anything super serious from the second best player on the soccer team and his on-again-off-again wingman?

"That fucker only said it after I said it. Not one original thought in that head of his, I swear!" Patch was more or less joking, Ace could tell by her tone of voice. She didn't really dislike anyone. With a tiny snort, her shoulder bumped against his. "I feel cheated, though. I had a bunch of things already picked out in your room too~"

"And who the hell gave you permission to snoop around in my room, huh?" Ace glared as he finished off the beer and set the empty can on the coffee table.

"Oh honeypie, you know I don't like to ask permission for nothin'~" She polished off her own can seconds later and nudged him with her shoulder again. Then she was up and retrieving two more beverages from the fridge. "Was kinda hoping you were in there furiously masturbating or something so I had a funny story to tell the girls."

"Liar. You just want an excuse to see my dick."

"Tsk~ Hey. Wellness Check, remember? I need to make sure all of you is ok. I'd say Starlight would love a detailed report on your southern hemisphere but we've already established you have snuffed that flame out."

"Fuck off~" Was his first reply, followed shortly by, "Why don't you get to checking then? I won't stopping you." Ace made a point of spreading his legs as he drank. There was a sudden coldness pressed against his sheath that made him yelp and jump, spilling beer down his chest. "Fuck! What the hell!"

Patch erupted in a fit of laughter, having shoved her fresh-from-the-fridge can up against him. "Aw, what'sa matter? Figured if you couldn't take the heat you must have been out there fuckin' ice witches."

"I don't take heat. I am the heat."

She about laughed in his face. "Oh. Em. Gee. Did you pull that line from my book, Corn for the Corn God: Corniest Phrases from the Maze of Endless Corn or do you write all your own material? Can I get an autograph? Lick your eyeball? Ride your dick like a mechanical bull machine in a cheap dive bar full of ponies all made out of various styles of cheese?"

He wrinkled his nose, wiping at his chest then blatantly rubbed a hoof over his groin. "Get in line, Ice Queen."

"I've got a VIP pass, remember?" Patch took a swig of beer and kissed him, her tongue and a gush of liquid entering his mouth all at once with zero hesitation. He gave himself props for only being caught a little off guard by it. Patch was the king, queen, and court jester of impromptu everything. Ace didn't try to pull away, or push her off. Instead he let it happen, tilting his head some as the fluid ran down his throat, even leaning in to it. They hadn't kissed in almost, what, two years? Last time, as he recalled, happened about the same. She just did it out of nowhere.

9.8% ABV stout chugged down in less than ten minutes was a recipe for loosening the gateways on top of that. Not to mention his lingering arousal. Starlight had kind of abruptly denied his release. His face fell again to a frown. He really hurt her. And now here he was, slinging back brew with Patch like nothing. And did he really want to use Patch to wet his whistle,? Or did he just want to get his rocks off, regardless? Not really. His mind kept inching toward Blue Spring.

She broke the kiss and leaned back, glancing down, then rested against the arm of the couch with one of her little smirks, sipping at her drink. "Must be fucking something. Not even a little rise of the mast. Your sails busted? Or maybe you haven't drank enough to make me pretty yet?"

"Please stop talking." He snrked and lightly kicked at her across the couch. "I didn't peg you for the jealous type."

"You don't peg me at all, so nyah~" She stuck her tongue out.

"Touchè." They smashed their cans together again and each took a pull.

There was a length of quiet slurping following that. Ace turned the television on to some random station playing some random outdated infomercial for some random ridiculous product... just to have some random background noise. After they finished their third can he was grumbling. Finally, the brew was loosening his tongue.

"...I don't... fuckin'... get it." He twisted the can around in his hooves like he was examining the intricate artwork on the label but he really he wasn't focusing on anything at all. "I was on top of it all, man... could bag any chick or dude I wanted... fuckin'... ball in my court twenty-four-seven, ya know? And... and then... pssshhhhaw! It all came crumbling down... like... like Midnight Castle..."

Patch watched him worry his can around as she sipped idly at hers, listening. Not interrupting for once. Lots of ponies got open and sloppy when they drank. Patch was no different, but she always hit a contemplative streak just before she tipped over the edge. "Duuuuuuuude~ That's life though. It's all pick-me-ups and beat-downs. Wham! Bam~" She kicked a hoof out and punched at the air. "Is that what's been kicking your ass? The ultimately imposing and sudden realization that you're not the king of the whole fucking world and all your actions have consequences?"

Ace stared at her, face as blank as his father's could get. His voice betrayed the mask, cracking, a bitterness coating his tongue that took him right back to one night after a big game. The night where he was the only one left on the field when the stands emptied and the lights went out. That night... where the only pony that cared to stick around and find him, pull him through the dark... was Lancer. "...it's... not just that, though... I..."

How did he talk about this? These feelings? How did he pull the other mask off, the one hidden behind all the others? The one that, if removed, would show everyone just how insecure and afraid he really was. With the world and himself?

"Hey... chin up~" Patch put a hoof on his shoulder and squeezed. For a split second it felt like Coach was the one sitting next to him. She did a good impersonation of his voice. "This is home field, damn it! Are you really going to let those tight-ass, city-trotting, snobby tail soakers come in an trample all over it? You get that ball. You run it. You shoot. You score. You show them who the real winners are!"

It was a perfectly encapsulated speech, nearly verbatim. And it made his chest cave in with such an intense longing for Blue Spring's strong hooves to be wrapped around him. But all he had in the moment was Patch. And she was trying her best. He gave her a sad smile as he finished beer number four. "How do you... fight an army of yourself?"

She didn't have an answer.

The rest of the night was spent in a blur of taking jabs at each other, both verbally and physically with a few more mouth to mouth sessions sprinkled in because Patch needed to test some theory she wouldn't explain to him. Somewhere in the middle of beer five they wrestled, knocking the coffee table over as they toppled off the couch in a tangle of limbs. Despite her best attempts to get him to tell her more, Ace had closed himself off. By beer six she was between his legs, kneading his sheath with his half erect cock in her mouth, frustrated. Patch wanted him to confide in her. She wanted to help. They were still team mates in her mind. Good friends. So why wouldn't he? Or couldn't he? It grated on her, making her start to think that maybe she wasn't good enough for him...

Eventually they just lay there on the floor.

Patch tried one last time, a hoof resting on his chest. "...whatever... you know... dude... we all want to help... but we can't... if you won't let us in. Even fuckin'... fuckin' Teddy... he won't say it, but he's... worried about you too..."

Ace chuckled. It was dry and short lived. "I messed up... with Lancer. He's better off... with Teddy, anyhow. I... couldn't be who he needed... don't know who... I need..."

Words trailed off like they were ought to do. The world came and went in brief stretches of motion. The coffee table picked itself up. Patch was spread out across the couch, sawing some serious logs. Somewhere in the depressive alcohol fueled haze Ace had gotten her a blanket... or the ghost she said lived in his bathroom had gotten her blanket. Whatever. Someone got her a blanket.

Any threads of conversation had long since boiled out of his brain, along with any sense of normal behavior. Basically, once beer number six was gone and twelve empty cans lay scattered across the table and strewn about the floor... he was gone too. Figuratively and literally. He stumbled out of his house in the dead of night, snow crunching under hoof as he trotted to the end of the driveway and stopped, swaying, staring at the dark windows of the house across the street. He should have been passed out along with Patch. Should have snuggled right up next to her to sleep. The thought had crossed his mind, and more, at one point. And then it took a nose dive, swerved left then hard right and flipped over the guard rail. Because he wasn't a smart pony. Not where it mattered.

His head churned with thoughts of the desperate yearning variety and his heart swelled with all the emotions of a sloppy, raging sea and he needed... He needed to see Coach. Right now. Right this very instant. There was a deep pit of longing he couldn't escape the gravity of, which made this whole escapade make perfection sense in his intoxicated brain. Booze and depression and whatever the hell else he was going through went together as well as Pop Rocks, mayonnaise, and scuba diving. And that's how he wound up on Blue Spring's doorstep at fuck-knows-when in the middle of the night, freezing his balls off. No phone, no jacket, nothing. His hooves ached and felt like they were on fire and his teeth were threatening to break apart from all the chattering. Coach lived nearly on the other side of town. Irrelevant! What meager distance could stand in the way of fool hardy and potentially inaccurate young love?

When the door was wrenched open, Blue Spring's stubbly, unshaven face was set hard as stone, ready for some troublesome altercation. He didn't expect to see the star of the best team of his short coaching career standing on his doorstep, barely able to keep himself on his hooves. His expression promptly softened in to a mix of concern and a number of other things.

"Ace? What... It's nearly two in the... shiiiiiit... you're..." Coach sighed and squeezed a hoof against his temple.

Ace, in perfect harmony with his entire existence, took one shuddering breath and broke in to a million little pieces, tears half sticking on his face no sooner than they escaped the boundary of his eyes. Whatever words he attempted to string together came out in a heartfelt slew of incoherent gibberish.

"Damn it... come on, come on... lets get you inside." There was no arguing about it or sending him away. Not when he clearly needed the help and had made the journey across town in below freezing temperatures to get here. Coach helped him inside and over to the couch. "Sit here. Let me go find you an extra blanket..."

The couch smelled heavily of Blue Spring, and if one hadn't been so sloshed out of his skull, maybe he would have noticed the blanket and pillow already present. Not sharing a bed with his wife.

"Who's at the door at this hour? Is that one of your soccer kids? What the hell, Blue. I told you I didn't want you bringing any of them home!" Speaking of. His wife's upset vocals were like nails on a chalkboard, making Ace grimace and writhe uncomfortably. His stomach didn't like it either. The house suddenly felt hostile and he wasn't sure if he should have come at all. Maybe he should have kept walking. Maybe he should go... apologize to Starlight. Or Lancer. Did Buck live down by the docks? His hooves wouldn't work despite his mind's insistence, trying to get him to stand and head out, booze-brain spinning in all directions.

"Christ in a haystack, Honeystreak, look at him! He's half frozen. I'll get him warmed and sobered up and drive him home. It's not a big deal."

"I don't care if he's half dead. I was very clear about--"

The tension snapped like a peppermint stick, making Ace attempt to get as small as he could, huddling on the couch. To shrink away. It felt like his parents arguing over who had to accept the debilitating task of taking care of their sick child.

"That. Is. Enough!" Coach barked. Ace had never heard him with an edge quite like that to his voice. Not at all like when he was yelling at the team to get their shit together. "He's a god damn pony, Hon, not a rabid dog. And he obviously needs help. If you're going to bitch and moan, go do it somewhere else!"

"Somewhere else? Somewhere else!? If I leave Blue, I'm not coming b--" This uneasy exchange had all the telltale markings of the last horseshoe finally dropping.

"Then leave already!" He never raised his voice toward his wife in all their years. But enough was enough. The writing had been on the wall before he signed the contract, he just wanted to pretend it was all smiles, morning coffee kisses and flowers. Ace needed him. Why else had he come here in the middle of the night, stinking of beer and sorrow? That was more important than the threadbare connection to a mare that didn't understand what it was like to get to know and look after a team of young ponies. Coach returned to the catatonic Ace on the sofa, bringing the thickest blanket he could find in the hall closet. Ace looked up at him with wide saucer eyes... and threw up all over himself.

Honeystreak stood there, mouth agape, staring. Disgusted on multiple levels.

"Ah, geez..." Coach set the blanket aside. "Ok, ok... lets... uh..." It wasn't like Coach to panic. Or whatever it was he was doing. He'd never had to deal with a scenario quite like this before. So he did the only thing he could think of and scooped Ace up off the couch, heading toward the bathroom, puke and all. "Lets get you cleaned up. Maybe a warm soak would do you good."

His wife followed with her eyes, then body, standing in the doorway of the bathroom as Blue Spring set Ace down against the side of the tub and ran the bath. "Are you really choosing him over me?"

Shoulders tensed. Coach took a deep breath and slowly let it out. As he checked and re-checked the temperature of the water, he spoke, his voice calmer now. "You make it sound like a rigged game at the carnival. I am choosing to care. I don't expect you to get it, Hon. I've seen him grow so much over the last four years. He's a bright kid, usually... and he needs me. You? You haven't needed me in a long time."

"How dare you! I..." Honeystreak's nostrils flared; defiant.

"Please don't start. You're freaking him out..." Coach shot Honey a glare as he patted Ace's shoulder and squeezed. "Hey, it's alright bud. Stay with me." A sigh followed another glance over his shoulder, fixing her with a look as he tested the water one last time, not wanting it to be too hot. Carefully, he gathered Ace up again and slowly lowered him in to the tub as it filled. "Listen... I know you think I'm some kind of dumb. Maybe I am. But... You're obviously not happy, Hon. You really think I don't know about Berrytown? Have for a while now, sweetie..."

"W-what...?" Her face darkened with a few shades of furious red.

"It might look like I only understand balls..." And maybe that was truer than he would admit.

"Tch! Fuck you! Like you're a fucking saint. How many times have you fucked this one, huh? How many times!? He's a child!"

"He's eighteen. And if you think for one second I touched him before that, or without his consent..." He made sure Ace was propped against the wall of the tub in such a manner that he would be hard pressed to slump over and drown, not that he wanted to take any chances. But he had to stand and face Honeystreak. "It's never been enough with you and I'm tired of losing this game. I'm done. I know caring isn't in your nature so you'll probably never understand why I'm choosing him... and I'm too god damn tired to explain it. So you can either shut your mouth or pack your things and get the fuck out of my house. I'm sure your other boyfriend would be thrilled to have you."

His stomach was twisted in knots. Coach knew it was unbecoming to have the feelings he had for Ace. Society was a maddening beast at the best of times, deeming some pony an adult at a certain age and capable of thinking and doing as they wished on one hoof. And the other? Chastising them over the choices they were officially allowed to make.

"C-coach...?" The first actually legible word out of Ace's mouth since he had arrived. Blue stared at his wife, ex-wife, whatever she was a moment longer before turning back to tend to his star. He knelt just in time to catch the pony from falling forward and banging his head on the spout. With another deep breath, he turned the water off and scooped some up, trickling it over Ace's mane as he brushed it back in to some sense of order and out of Ace's face. "Hey buddy... tell me how you're feeling? What's going through that brain of yours, coming all the way out here? You alright?"

Stupid question, really. He obviously wasn't alright. Honey stomped off down the hall with a frustrated shriek and slammed the bedroom door so hard a couple pictures fell off the wall and clattered to the floor in the hallway. She was no longer his concern. The door between them closed over a year ago. This? This was just the catalyst for him to finally walk away from it. Maybe he should thank Ace and his stupid, stupid drunk decisions. And then find out who gave an emotionally distraught pony booze in the first place and give them one of his especially stern looks.

"I... I..." Ace struggled to collect his words, still very much glassy eyed and out of it. "...mm-missh... and... y-you..." The tears started again, this time flowing freely without the cold to hinder them. Coach sat on the edge of the tub and wrapped his forelegs around Ace, who buried his muzzle in against his body and shivered, sobbing.

"Alright... it's ok... you're safe. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere..."

It was going to be a long, long night.

Chapter Text

Morning came, tumbling through the slats in the window blinds like a drunk ex-lover who was really, really sorry and really, really willing to try harder this time. They promised.

He had woken up in what was apparently the guest slash storage room. More storage than guest-friendly. The bed smelled a bit dusty and was a little too soft for his liking... though he had zero space to complain about his accommodations. He knew where he was. He semi-recalled how he got there. And he was fully in tune with the butterflies that were rampaging around in his stomach screaming at him.

Coach was supposed to feel like a safe space. So why did he feel like he wasn't supposed to be here? Perhaps it wasn't so much the obtrusive brightness but the slamming doors and terse voices that accompanied it that made it so intolerable. Like daggers against his eyelids rather than the cozy Hallmark winter dawn he was sure it was supposed to be. Hot cocoa, warm embraces, snuggled up on the couch and whatever. Probably.

Ace stuffed his head under the pillow, shutting his eyes tighter. A car engine turned over. Tires crunched disrespectfully over ice and snow. Silence settled shortly after and he drifted off, dozing lightly until the scent of bacon, eggs, and coffee turned the butterflies in his gut in to a ravenous horde. Did he get up? Wander out of the room? He didn't really want to. Which felt so unlike him. Was he hiding? Why? He was Ace. He didn't feel shame! The very concept was beneath him. Even if the last few days and nights had proven how inexcusably wrong this was. Despite that... and despite really, really, really having to pee... he remained in bed. A horizontal monument to his mistakes, which continued to pile up.

If you were going to play the game, were you really doing it right if you didn't shoot for the high score?

Somewhere betwixt rumination and regret, the door to the room quietly opened. The sound of someone brushing past boxes made him tense and a weight settled on the edge of the bed with a light sigh. He could always tell what kind of mood Coach was in by the severity of his sighs. This one felt... unsure. His pillow barrier was suddenly lifted away and once more the light pounced joyfully upon his face like Bon Bon pounced upon a slice of moist and decadent carrot cake. His groan was automatic.

A hoof passed smoothly over his mane. He turned his head against it and blinked up at Blue Spring. Coach wore a thin smile that made Ace want to crawl on to his lap and hug him as much as it made him want to crawl under the bed and disappear.

"Morning."

He could feel the heat rising to color his cheeks and despised it. "G... good morning..."

"There's breakfast if you're feeling like it. I've heard it's best to eat it while still warm." Coach gave him a ridiculous wink, patting his foreleg before standing and making his way out of the room.

He was sure he couldn't withstand the gut-busting assault of his butterfly army any longer. There was nothing really to debate as he yawned and stretched. He couldn't hide in here forever. And... oh. Right! He had to pee. The decision to finally get up was made for him as he untangled from the blankets and stumbled through the debris to make his way to the bathroom. Flashes of last night paraded in slideshow snippets through his head. Being cradled in Coach's arms. Honeystreak's looming, disapproving face. Warm water in an unfamiliar tub. Coach drying him with a towel. Then he assumed... sleep?

Ace stood, staring in to the mirror at his reflection after pissing out what felt like the whole of Lake Michigan. He didn't like what he saw. What sort of bed raggled bullshit was staring back at him? He washed his hooves, splashed cold water on his face, and tried to brush his mane in to some fashionable order.

When he finally emerged, feeling like a slightly less horrid version of himself, he found Coach at the kitchen table, looking through a magazine and sipping coffee. He looked up as Ace sat across from him and nodded toward the prepared food. Eggs, toast, bacon and sausage, hash browns... it was a lot. The butterflies in his stomach made such a collectively raucous sound, Blue Spring couldn't help but snort, hiding a grin behind his mug.

"Dig in. I'd go at the sausage, personally. Something greasy after a night of drinking usually helps settle things..."

He didn't have to be told twice, filling his plate with a bit of everything. As he chowed down, Coach returned to whatever article he was reading. Breakfast was a relatively quiet affair. Blue Spring didn't immediately get on his case but Ace knew it was coming. So he took his time, even going for seconds, hungrier than he first thought, washing it all down with a glass of orange juice.

Silence couldn't last forever. Nothing really did, did it? Staring in to the empty cup, he glanced toward the sink and back. "You uh... want me to... put these in the sink or the dishwasher or...?"

"Mm." Coach looked up. Nodded. "Just set them in the sink. I'll deal with them later."

As Ace cleared the table, placing dishes where indicated, Coach set his magazine aside and cleared his throat. Another sigh. Here it was. His tail flicked back and forth anxiously.

"So. Want to tell me what happened last night?"

Hooves traced the edge of the counter, gaze locked on the drain with all the intensity of a car crash in slow motion. His heart rate spiked. Why was he so damn nervous? It was just Coach. Someone who cared. Someone he should be, and was, comfortable with. Drunk Ace knew why he had come here. Sober Ace knew too, but had the undesirable walls of his own psyche back in place making it difficult. "I, um..."

He felt more than he heard Blue Spring stand. The warmth of his body getting closer until it was right behind him. His empty coffee mug was deposited in to the sink by reaching over Ace's shoulder. He didn't move away. Even with those strong and gentle hooves rubbing Ace's shoulders, the conflict between heart and head remained nigh unshakeable.

"It's not like you to not have an answer at the ready."

"...hard to think..." Ace muttered, leaning back against Coach as he looked out the small window above the sink at the white stretch of snow laden backyard.

"Excuses." Tone shifted to the recognizable grit associated with Coach being... Coach. "Only five months off the team and you've forgotten? When you're not on home field..."

"You need to bring your A game..." Ace mumbled along with him. He'd drilled that in to the head of every player and reminded them of it constantly.

"How long are you going to keep fumbling the ball, huh? You're the team captain. The star. You've got to set the standard. And right now... you might as well be costing us the game, champ."

For whatever reason that stung more than any deep, personal reality check. And it was no less spot on. Ace turned, pressing his head against Blue Spring's chest, arms gingerly shifting up to lock against his sides. He wanted to bury himself in that scruffy, rough warmth. Coach allowed him those few moments, arms encircling, hooves rubbing across back and shoulders. And then he leaned back, sighing.

"Head up, Ace. Look at me."

Ace did as he was asked, blinking through strands of mane that Coach brushed aside and tucked behind an ear.

"Why did you come knocking on my door at two in the morning, drunk off your ass?" His words softened again, matching the look in his eyes. "I'm not mad, just so we're clear. Alright? I'm happy that when you couldn't think straight you chose me."

A nod was all Ace could manage at first until the muscles in his throat unfroze. He refused to let himself look away. Coach was expecting him to make the shot count. "...You. I... I came to see you..." It started as a trickle, then broke in to a deluge. "You're all I keep thinking about. Even when I'm messing everything else up and nothing feels right. I'm stuck and I'm spinning my wheels and everything is... it's too much. And you... with you... it goes quiet. It's safe. I... I..."

Words strained as he held back the sob that wanted to wrench itself from his esophagus. He'd done enough crying for a lifetime already. Surely his tear ducts deserved a break. What was killing him was the uncertainty and hurt that came rushing up, stabbing right through his heart. The parody was unmistakable. He was... this was... just like with Lancer, except the roles were reversed. He was the wound trying to find its bandage. And where Ace had been a rack of barbed wire in response to his friend's feelings, Coach was a tourniquet. There was nothing but empathy and compassion in his eyes. It really served to showcase how shitty he had been. Bright Eyes should have hit him harder.

Ace slid his arms upward, hooves grazing Blue's chest, touching softly across his stubble-lined cheeks. He didn't need to pull much at all to coax Coach to lean down so their muzzles could meet. His words were failing him so he tried to compress and express all his labyrinthine emotions in a single kiss. Coach's hooves fell to his flanks, his back butting up against the counter.

He could feel Coach's sheath growing plump and taught, but once more, Coach leaned back, breaking the kiss and putting some space between them so things weren't so... tightly pressed. "Why don't we go sit on the couch... where it's more comfortable... and you can try and tell me what's been stalling you out. Maybe I can help you sort through some of it? I hate seeing you like this, Ace. I think we both know... it's not you."

So that's what they did. Ace didn't even have to verbally request to be held like he wanted. They stretched out together and Ace laid his head on Coach's chest while the larger pony stroked his mane, keeping him close and warm. Maybe... it even made up for all the times his parents never offered him comfort. He let himself come apart, starting with his earliest recollections of having feelings for Lancer and fighting tooth and nail against them while at the same time using his friend for his own self-indulgent inclinations. How he learned and built himself up in to the star of the show that he was, why he strove to be the best at everything. From the lack of love and support from his folks to the way it made him seek those things elsewhere. It all lead up to the miserable state of his current existence.

"...that's why... I think I'm pushing everyone away. So they can't see me fail. And they... can't see... I... I've been lying. To everyone, for so long..." It had started raining again somewhere in the midst of his spilling thoughts, feelings and confessions. He nuzzled against Coach's wet chest, shivering until a blanket was pulled off the back of the couch and laid over him.

"Don't you think your friends would rather see you become who you want to be, instead of the pony who threw them all in to the dark and ran away? We all change, champ. I wasn't always level headed growing up. Have my fair share of regrets too. We all need to learn what burdens to carry and what to let go of..." Blue Spring nosed over the top of Ace's head. "I think you're smart enough, you've been noticing just how much you're trying to shoulder and the difficulty of setting it down."

"I'm..." Ace took a deep breath and closed his eyes, limbs tightening around Coach's barrel. He struggled, mouthing the words before his lips let them be heard out loud. "...I'm scared."

"I know. You haven't had it easy. You didn't have the support where you needed it the most. Your folks... they failed you. You know how that feels, so you're trying your damnedest to not be what they are. You've got the right ideas in some instances, but you're pushing in the wrong directions. You've been applying the concept of not failing to plays that either don't work or don't make sense. You get me? Your buddy Lancer, for example..."

Brows furrowed as he thought about that when Coach's words trailed off in hopes that he would pick up the trail. "...I... didn't want to be seen... as weak. Or different. And accepting that I... had feelings for another guy... when... when..."

"You're on the right track." Blue Spring squeezed him. "Society expects a lot of things from us. It wants conformity and is comfortable running on traditional tracks. Anything that veers off shunned at best and despised at worst. You... were worried about your reputation. What everyone else thought of you, right? And that..."

"...that... clouded my judgement. And... um... maybe... made me shut out... some things that could have been... good?"

"You get it, champ. You gotta give yourself room to breathe and think about these things. We can't always go shooting off on gut instinct all the time, because we've been conditioned by external forces that skew our view. Remember the game against Colton High?"

Ace plumbed his memory, squirming some to shift position as he nodded. "I think so, yeah... that... that was one of our super early morning games. And it was... raining..."

"And the field was foggy as hell. You had to think on your hooves, not rush the play because the full picture wasn't clear."

He felt stupid, like he should have been sat in the corner of Miss Hackney's class with a giant pointy dunce hat perched on his head. Coach had the ability to put things in to perspectives he understood almost immediately and he wished he could harness even a fraction of that. "I've... got a lot of apologizing to do..."

"I'd say so. I think you know where to start."

"...Yeah..." Slowly, Ace pushed himself up, straddling Blue Spring's lap, hooves on his chest as he stared down at him through a veil of his mane. "How do you make it sound so easy?"

"Heh... like I said. I lived through my share of mistakes. It's part of growing up."

There was another topic they had skirted around that needed to be addressed. Ace was hesitant because it was something that hinged on the fail/not-fail motif that they had been discussing. Really, what it was, was a fear of rejection. Of opening up all the doors and hoping some of the warm air didn't all escape. The look in his eyes must have given away what he was thinking because Coach raised a hoof and pressed it to his lips.

"One step at a time. You've got a lot to think about and I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'll be right here whenever you need me. But..." Blue Spring's hoof caressed along his jaw and curved along his cheek. He leaned up and pecked a small kiss against Ace's lips. "...you need to sort yourself out a little more... before we tackle... us. Sound fair?"

Ace couldn't keep his ears from drooping, though he did award himself some imaginary points for not trying to get more kiss than he was offered in the moment. Coach was right, of course. Who would want him if he continued being a tangled mess that was never more than unsure with himself? And didn't Coach deserve him at his best? It still hit him right in the feels and tightened his gut. Like a vaguely foreboding text from a lover that read: We need to talk later.

"I... I guess, yeah. That's... that's fair."

"Good boy~" Lips spread in a grin as Blue patted Ace's cheek, then sighed and looked over across the room. "...now... how about we get out of the weeds, grab some lunch somewhere in the city and you can tell me what colleges you've been sitting on. I will tell ya right now if one of them's Bright Bridle you can toss it in the trash. Their sports program is bare bones and literally anywhere else is better."

The transition to a lighter mood made Ace relax, even though he really wanted to stay in, order a pizza, and have Coach take him in to the bedroom to work off some of the steam he'd built up by finally getting some of the heavy junk off his chest. Maybe he was right about that too, though. Giving him the chance to clear his head before making any rash decisions. It was confusing, like Coach was biding his own time to think about things. Ace hadn't even paused to consider what he might have been going through or what he was going to need to go through with Honeystreak...

One thing he was certain of, however... was feeling a load better than he had in months. Possibly years.

And how thankful he was to have Blue Spring in his life.

Chapter Text

The Monday delivery had come and gone with no sign of Ace. Tuesday began with the same odd silence.

Buck drove slowly down the residential street on his way to the docks for a later than usual incoming shipment. It wasn't his usual route nor something he had really planned. A glance down at his cellular phone showed he still had no messages. Why that worried him, he wasn't sure. It wasn't a huge worry, just a minuscule tickle on the back of his neck that wouldn't let up...

Normally, his all-too-eager helper jumped at every opportunity to help him out. Buck knew the kid had his own life and was going through a spell of a wringer so he wasn't faulting Ace for not replying to his call or text. It just didn't sit right with the old delivery driver. Ace usually responded, up to the potential task or not.

He pulled up in front of a house he hadn't set hoof in in many years, tires barely brushing against the curb, stick shift positioned to neutral as he set the parking break. For a minute he simply stared out the passenger window. It was early afternoon, a clear day with the winter sun dancing over the frosted roof making it sparkle in the cold light.

There was one small pickup in the driveway.

He got out, hooves steady even on the slightly icy surface. The plows hadn't done the best job of clearing the roads this year, especially the neighborhood streets. Probably some fresh young bucks at the wheel. The old stallion snorted, nudging a hoof at a clump of compacted snow, making his way up the drive to knock on the door.

A shuffling was barely heard from inside, but no answer came. He knocked again. A muffled voice called out. More shuffling. The door opened a moment later and a rough face appeared, brushing at a blonde mane not too dissimilar from his offspring's. Ace's father, Drop Deck, stared out. Eyes settled on Buck, sunken and dark as if sleep had eluded him his whole life. Recognition filtered in shortly after.

"...Buck?" The ghost of a smile, or what Buck thought was one, played across thin lips. The two knew each other well enough, having worked together a few years before Drop had changed jobs. Always seemed to be shifting between aloof and annoyed. "What do I owe the..." A yawn broke his words apart. "...pleasure?"

Buck inclined his head in a nod, tilting his hat. "Mornin', Dee. Was just passin' through, thought I'd swing by t'see if'n that son'o yers was around."

"...Ace?" Drop Deck blinked, a flicker of irritation creasing his brow. "He been messing around down at the docks again?"

That had him raising a brow. Ace hadn't messed around at the docks since he was a younger youngin'. A stern talking to had set him straight after that. "No, no. Nothin' like that. He ain't been trouble for years now. Actually... he's been quite a'big help o' recent. Normal he picks up when I call if'n I got work I need n'extra pair'o hooves with. Didn't hear none, so thought I'd swing on by. See if he was around."

"Help, huh? Doesn't sound like that slack off..." Drop mumbled and scratched at the back of his head, glancing over his shoulder in to the living room, then back to Buck, shoulders shrugging. The irritation had passed and a blank look had washed on to the could-care-less shores of his face. "Haven't seen him since I got back."

"Hm." The old stallion regarded Drop, giving the barest shake of his head. Couldn't help it. Guess some things never changed. Ace had talked about his folks some when prodded, and about their certain demeanor toward him. Buck had taken it with a grain of salt. Kids often loved to exagerate... but the change from bothered to detached in Drop Deck spoke volumes more than his words ever would. "Well if he ain't around, he ain't around. If'n ya do see him, tell'im t'shoot me a message. Let me know he's doin' alright at least."

Drop nodded his head, half looking like he had already fallen asleep standing there. "Mhm... sure thing, Buck. Good seeing you."

"Take care now, Dee." Another nod in parting, turning on his hooves as the door closed. Buck huffed, warm breath fogging the air as he ambled on back to his truck and climbed in. Still no messages on his phone. Why did that bother him? Couldn't help what you couldn't help though. He started up the truck and disengaged the parking break, shifting in to first as he pulled away from the house and continued on his way.

Buck was frowning as he swung his rig around in a slow circle once he reached the docks. He backed the truck up, giving himself enough space between the bed and the shipping container to shift goods around without much fuss. Mulling over his own thoughts. When he parked he grabbed his cell and tapped out another message before he got to work...

Hope you're doing good, kid.
Got'cha in my thoughts.

--

Ace stared out the window at the passing scenery, gaze following the dips in the meadow beyond. The radio buzzed quietly with some barely tangible classical music. Coach had some weird tastes, but he wasn't going to complain. It was another gloomy day, overcast and surprise, surprise -- cold. Though it wasn't as cold as it could have been and maybe that was because he felt more on track than he had in a while, like the ball was coming his way and he just had to grab it and either make a goal or run the timer out.

Despite that, he groaned and slumped back in the seat, glancing over at Blue Spring, who stole a quick look and gave a smile. "You'll be fine. I've seen you get knocked down and pull yourself up again how many times out on the field? This isn't any different."

"I guess." Ace wasn't totally convinced but didn't have any more time to argue as the car slowed and came to a stop outside a mansion of a house. He wished he'd had his phone to text ahead. Not that Ace had had his new phone for very long. He already felt naked without it. Hopefully it had survived whatever happened to it when he up and left Patch passed out on his couch however many days ago it was now.

Resigning himself to the task at hoof and unbuckling, he got out of the car. Blue Spring leaned over the center console. "Sure you don't want me to wait?"

"Nah. You're right. I got this."

"That's my star. Alright. See you at five, then." Ace nodded and nudged the car door closed, stepping back from the curb and giving a wave as Coach drove off.

The house that loomed before him was like a silent monolith. He remembered well enough the last time he had been here, sharing the couch with Lancer after he'd gotten his face pummeled by Teddy. All over a stupid bear. What a night that was. Things could have gone so differently. He could look back to the moment he chose to make the divergence, caught up in his own me-first bullshit. A series of snapshot memories he wished he could pull apart and redo.

Ace couldn't even recall why he'd taken the bear in the first place. Everything that had happened since had been set in motion by his actions. He had to wonder how things would have turned out if he'd never done it.

Contemplating such a what if scenario now wasn't helpful. With a shake of his head, Ace mustered his strength and marched up to the front door, giving it a good hard knock. Then stood back and waited.

And waited.

And then waited some more.

When there was still no reply after another few knocks and subsequent minutes spent grinding a hind hoof against the walkway, Ace trotted around the side of the house, peering up at the windows for signs of life. He was lucky it was the only house on the block otherwise he probably looked a bit odd, like some daytime burglar poking for an easy entry. There didn't seem to be any pony home. The notion made his stomach drop. He didn't want to go trudging through town looking like a lost puppy searching for scraps...

Around the back of house told a different story that raised his hopes up off the frigid ground, however. Hoof prints! They led from the back door, curved around the covered pool and headed off toward the woods. And they seemed to be fresh enough, not that Ace was any kind of expert tracker in the slightest. Any signs were good signs! Almost instantly he knew where they would lead him and he hurried along, eager to remove the boulder he'd self-loathingly strapped to his chest for too many months.

Years, more like it.

More memories flooded in the closer he got to the clubhouse. Glimpses of much younger versions of himself kicking up leaves as he raced alongside his friends, seeing who could get there first. He wove around a few trees and ducked under a not-quite-fallen trunk that was still supported by the limbs of its kin. It had been so much simpler then, when worries were virtually nonexistent. Before life somehow got whipped around and built up in to some beast of too many incomprehensible faces, ridiculous emotions and bewildering burdens, misshapen by the world around them.

Laughter brought Ace staggering back to the present. Teddy's stupid guffaw was in a league all its own and he was glad to hear it for once. He paused at the base of the giant tree they had built their fortress in and stared upward for a space of breaths, then made himself put one hoof in front of the other and begin the climb, pushing away the dumb thoughts of intruding; silly how he had to remind himself that this place was just as much his as it was theirs.

"Wait!" Lancer's voice rang out. "You got to put tape around the frame first!"

"Pffft. C'mon! It ain't science rockets. I'll just paint real careful!" Teddy replied, indignant yet playful. "Or maybe... you might look nice with some new stripes?"

"Don't you even dare! It's going to be annoying enough to wash off what's already on my hooves."

Ace propped himself in the open doorway, his friend's backs to him, the smell of fresh paint wafting to greet him. They were giving the old clubhouse another make over from the looks of things. And possibly each other. He felt a flash of anger that no one bothered to inform him, but it fizzled out just as quick as it flared. It was his own fault for that.

"You're about as careful as Clover in a tea shop." He gave a soft snort. The two blue ponies nearly knocked their heads together when they spun around. Teddy looked ridiculous, somehow having gotten a few streaks of paint across his snout. How? The world may never know. Ace wasn't surprised, stifling a laugh. "Looks like you got more paint on your face than the walls! Nice touch though. Real Ponycasso of you."

"What!? I do not!"

Lancer coughed to hide a chuckle. "You kinda do, babe."

"I suppose you were gonna keep that to yourself huh?" He glared at Lancer, though it held no weight of his youthful malice.

"Yup. It kind of matches your eyes~"

"Ugh." Teddy snorted and got up, looking between his boyfriend and Ace. He could tell one of those fabled moments was brewing. Despite really wanting to give Ace a piece of his mind for all the worry he put Lancer through, now wasn't the time. The blond shitbag was here, in the same space, finally. Words needed to happen, none of which belonged to Teddy. Even he had enough sense, at least right then, to know when to excuse himself. "Whatever! I'm thirsty. I'm goin' to grab some sodas from the house." He paused as he shuffled past Ace. "You want one of them fizzy orange shits?"

"I love them fizzy orange shit, yeah. Thanks."

Teddy nodded and disappeared outside. Lancer had turned back to his project and was lining one of the windows with painters tape, not offering Ace an easy prompt to begin. The silence that filled the room made him uneasy. It shouldn't have and it was too late to turn tail now. He opened his mouth, swallowing past the ping pong ball at the back of his throat. "Lancer, I... I'm... sorry. For everything. I was..."

Damn it... Ace shook his head. He'd practiced what he wanted to say but now that he was here trying to say it, it all jumbled in to something he couldn't express how he wanted. He rolled his eyes and huffed. Or maybe he still didn't want to have to admit he'd been wrong. About a great deal of things.

Coach's words echoed in his head as if on cue: When you try to save from scraping your own limbs, that's when you start dropping the ball.

He was too worried about his own feelings, always putting himself first. It was a shitty street to have been walking down all these years. Ace could thank his parents for that. Blue Spring had not been shy in pointing it out. He was trying to compensate for their lack of support in the only way he knew how. With the edge of a growl following a sigh he kicked at a dried leaf on the floor. Blue Spring made things sound so easy. Then again, he had years of practice under his belt while Ace felt like he was fresh out on the field. He closed his eyes, settling against the arm of the couch, rubbing his hooves together. "I... was... using everyone. Or whatever. To make myself feel better. You didn't deserve it, man... I... I'm sorry."

There was a long pause after his words trailed off. Lancer finished taping the window's frame and set the roll down. Ace wasn't entirely sure Lancer even heard him and was about to force himself to say it again when he turned around and their eyes met. "I forgave you a while ago, you know."

Lancer swept a hoof back through his mane, glancing off to the spread of uneven cabinets that made up the club's snack and storage area. He could have held on to the anger, but he had watched Teddy fight with that emotion as long as Lancer had known him and didn't want to allow it to take root. He'd also had a lot of time to think things over when Ace had all but dropped off the gave of the world. He looked back to Ace, continuing, "If you hadn't been such a colossal asshole... I wouldn't have Teddy. And I wouldn't trade him for the world, weird as that might sound."

Ace felt a rigidness start to seep out of his body, like some coiled spring released of its tension. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting. A fight, maybe. Certainly shouting. There was no quarrel in Lancer's eyes, no seething in his tone. For whatever reason, Ace yearned for the conflict as if it was somehow necessary to fully establish the lesson being learned. It felt too easy without it. Where was the well deserved hoof to the jaw? The shove up against the wall? The bitter remarks? Maybe not everything needed to result in conflict. He felt a bit of disgust thinking it did.

"Teddy really, uh..." He began, then shrugged his shoulders. Still tangled up on his own words.

"Loves me? Yeah. I know, right?" Lancer laughed quietly, picking up the intended and fumbled thought. "At first I thought it was some silly fling. That he felt bad or that he'd get bored or something and, ehhh... But he didn't. Now I can't even imagine being without him."

The quiet came again, though less awkward. Ace slipped out of his jacket, despite shivering. He wasn't really cold. Residual anxiousness? Something he usually ignored. Clearing his throat, he sauntered over and picked up a brush, needed to be doing something, not just sitting there. Dabbing the bristles in to the paint, he slowly brushed it over the waiting window frame. "So... just like that, huh?"

"Mm..." Lancer shifted up beside him, lifting his own brush and running it along the opposite side. "Just like that, yeah." There was the briefest of pauses. "...Making someone beg is kind of Teddy's thing."

Ace and Lancer both had a good chuckle over that. A small smile curved along Lancer's muzzle as he set the paint tray on a stool between them. "...it's good to see you. Feels like its been ages."

"You too. I..." Ace blew out a breath. "I got real lost there for a while. I wanted to call you so many times. But I... didn't want to, y'know... after you were miserable for so long... because of me... how could I ask for help? Seemed too selfish. Even for me."

"I didn't really expect you to, to be honest. I had hoped you would, though." Lancer set his brush down and turned to Ace, studying the lines of his friend's face. "Are you... ok now?"

Was he? Ace sat back after a final stroke and shrugged. "I'm getting there, I think. Yeah." He nodded his head. It felt right saying so.

"I'm glad."

Thankfully, Teddy reappeared about then with drinks for everyone and Ace didn't have to figure out how to continue the conversation. He was exhausted enough from fighting himself over getting the ten ton slab off his chest. The three ponies piled on to the couch like they used to and stared out the open doorway at the frozen, swaying branches of the forest beyond. It didn't feel quite the same to Ace, because of course it wouldn't. They weren't little ponies any more and despite smoothing things out, at least with Lancer, he was sure it would take longer to really mend. If he stayed in the picture. And that was another topic he needed to bring up.

He didn't want to. Ace sipped at the orange soda and sighed. He still wanted to simply make his amends and disappear. But he wasn't going to pull a Patch, who seemed to dip out on new whims every so often for untold amounts of time, leaving everyone wondering where she was. Or if she was alive. He could be better than that.

"I'm moving to the city." Ace finally forced the words out. "I... gotta get out of my folks house. Get away. Coach thinks some distance will help clear my head. Fresh starts and all..."

He could feel Lancer looking over at him, but it was Teddy who spoke first. "Makes sense. I didn't get very far, but I ain't looked back since I ditched my dad. I uh... I ain't so big mad, ya know, any more? It uh... yeah. Distance helps."

"You think you'll do alright on your own?" Lancer asked quietly.

Ace shrugged, finishing his soda and staring down at the can. "Can't say, really. Guess I won't really know until I try. But it's gotta be better than this, right? If I don't try to get out from under them... I'm... I don't..." He felt another eye roll coming as he crushed the can between his hooves. "I see my dad's face and it's just... empty. I'm afraid if I stay... that's going to be me. And I sure as shit don't want that."

"Fuckin' felt." Teddy nudged him, nodding. "You got this, dude. It'll suck not seeing your stupid face around but... you got this."

"You never let anything hold you back before. If something is telling you that you need to go... go." Lancer nodded his agreement. "The city isn't so far. Not like we couldn't visit. I get yearly passes for the train from my parents."

Part of him felt like they wanted him to leave. The notion was stupid and Ace dismissed it as soon as he thought it. No. This was support. They were his friends, somehow still, after everything. And they wanted him to do what was best.

"Thanks. I've been struggling with it, but I think it's the best play I can make." Ace turned the crumpled can about in his hooves, a smile forming across his muzzle. He pitched it across the room, making it in to the garbage can near the door with a satisfying thunk.

"I gotta take the shot~"

Chapter Text

Ace lingered a few feet inside the doorway, peering in to the living room; waiting. The first few times he played this game when he was younger had been amusing; trying to see how long he could go unnoticed. As time went on it just got sadder the more he realized the outcome would never change. He stared at the figure on the couch, who in turn stared at the television, the shifting lights casting different shades of color across his father's face. This was the last time he was going to let himself feel like this. Like some sort of ghost in his own home. ... Was that still right? No, not any more. This place was no longer his home. In fact, it hadn't been for a long while now. It was just a harbor in which he sheltered from storms.

With a silent, determined nod to a past self that never got to have a normal childhood, something that he deserved, like every other colt and filly in the world, he crossed the room. It had always been a careful dance from the front door to the kitchen arch, an art form. He was careful not to stay too long in front of the holy moving picture box. God forbid his father miss a second of brain rot. Ace paused as his hooves left the thinning carpet to greet tiled flooring, looking back over his shoulder. For all he knew his father hadn't even blinked. One last hurrah for old times sake? He brushed at his mane and called out; "Hey, dad. Have a good run?"

The reaction time was uncanny. It was like watching too much paint slide down a surface, the way his father turned his head, a half confused expression on his face like he hadn't quite heard every syllable correctly, further enforced by his reply. Ace might have as well spoken actual nonsense. "We're getting low on milk. Make sure you get some from the store. And unload the dishwasher. We'll need to get the kitchen looking spotless before your mom gets home."

We accurately translated to Ace. This fact no longer surprised him. He'd been numbing himself to the ache of feeling like he was little more than an annoyance and at best a creature of his parents demands. As much as Ace wanted to let his blood boil over and give his father a good, sharp piece of his mind... he merely nodded his head. "Sure, dad. I'll get right on that."

Ace could have let himself feel so many things as he turned and made his way to his bedroom. There were untold novels worth; grievances and reprimands, judgments, so many words he could have shouted. But he learned long ago that served him no purpose as those words fell on perpetually deaf ears. And even if it would have lifted a little more weight from his shoulders, or given him a momentary flare of satisfaction, it would only have had half the effect because his mother wasn't there. He'd had years to think about how he was going to finally tell them off before he left for good. And on his way home from visiting Lancer and Teddy he had decided that the most devastating commentary he could make... was saying nothing at all. Ace was going to leave them how they left him on so many nights when he needed them to be real parents, not the lousy facsimiles they were. Time would do enough damage on his behalf once they realized they were going to have to handle all the burdens of a home on their own. And he could live with that. There was no hesitation or awkwardness to the thought of removing himself from the lives of his parents. There was no longer anything holding him here.

Closing the door to his room, Ace took a long look around. The desk his folks had bought him in third grade, still standing. A testament to his engineering prowess, obviously. He had put it together himself after his dad promised he would help for nearly two weeks straight and never did. Striding over to his closet he pushed one side open, reaching in, hoof tracing over countless marks etched on the backside, tallying the many games his parents never showed up to. A couple boxes of trophies glinted at him from the back corner that had earned him no praise. Another box held old projects, essays and report cards; only the ones he was most proud of. Further testaments, showing at least to himself, that he was as good as any other student even if nothing ever made it up on to the fridge over the years.

Ace gave the boxes only a passing glance. These were things he no longer needed. He had the memories and that was all he required. He no longer had to try so hard to earn adoration from the husks that had occupied the same living space. He'd done his best, raising himself. And you know what? His best was pretty damn good. He turned from the closet, taking in each poster, picture, print and clipping that covered the walls in neat patches; all attempting to detract from the reality that this was a cage and not the safe space he pretended it had been.

This was the room of an Ace that no longer existed.

Content with his emotions, he pulled an old duffel bag and his backpack out from under his bed and set them atop it, dismissing the urge to further reminisce. He only filled them with things he really needed. A few articles of clothing, his laptop, notebooks and pens, and a few books. To save some space, he emptied out a disc binder and filled it with choice CDs and DVDs. The GameColt Color was a must for the times ahead. Maybe he would even start a new save file on Ponymon Yellow. Ace had forgotten all about his phone until he was rummaging through his desk and his eyes finally registered that it had been sitting right there the entire time. Surprisingly, it was still hanging in with 26% battery, along with a few missed calls and a number of unread texts. He was only interested in checking the time right then, slipping the device in to a coat pocket before continuing with his current task.

It was close to 5PM when he sat back and took one last glance around, shrugging on the backpack and shouldering the duffel. So this was it. He gave a nod to his poster of 1992 Soccer Stallion of the Year, Mulecel van Gaskin. "See you, Mule."

Passing through the kitchen, his father was making himself a sandwich. He didn't even look up, just huffed as if every ounce of effort was a slight against his being. The only acknowledgement he gave Ace was the flick of an ear. "Pick up some peanut butter too when you're out. None of that crunchy crap."

"You got it." Ace replied with all the intent of a pony who was heading off to do just as he was asked.

Once more, he stood at the front door. Every mark on the wall had a story only he would care to remember. For a split second he thought about officially saying goodbye as he spared a glance at the tilted coat rack that he never got around to fixing. It wasn't his problem any more. Adjusting the bag on his shoulder, he slipped quietly out the door. As it closed for the final time, he looked up in time to see Blue Spring pulling up along the curb. Half way across the lawn a breeze tickled his ears and he craned his neck, looking back toward his bedroom window. The faint silhouette of a younger Ace peered out, wisp of a smile spread across a thin muzzle before fading entirely. The voice that had haunted his darker moments had been his own. He knew that now, the realization hitting at the same time it whispered, tussling through his mane like the wind, reminding him of a question he'd asked himself not too long ago: You ever read a story where a fallen star found its way back in to orbit?

Ace found he had an answer to that as he threw his bags in the backseat of Coach's car. A star doesn't fall. It just finds new ground to run~ An echo of that smile was on his own muzzle, a smile that wasn't forced, or masked by anything else. A smile that felt, for once, free from the shackles of past selves. A smile that was looking ahead to better days.

"Got everything you need?" Coach looked briefly past him as Ace climbed in to the passenger seat.

"Everything I can't live without, yeah. I'm done here."

Blue Spring nodded, shifting gear and steering away from the curb. Ace spared one more look at the neglected, near barren front yard. His father's downtrodden pickup. The basketball hoop above the garage that hadn't been used in years. He really wasn't going to miss anything about this place. Facing forward, he pulled out his phone and quickly scrolled down the list of unread messages, then pocketed it again.

"Actually... I think there's one more stop I'd like to make. If you don't mind, uh... dropping me off at the Rainbow? You don't have to wait around. I'll probably need the walk after."

"Sure." Coach nodded, keeping his eyes on the road but reaching over with a hoof and giving Ace's leg a squeeze. He knew what he meant to do with that stop. "You do what you gotta do. Even if your friends are mad, they'll appreciate that you took the time for them to try." With his hoof back on the wheel, he added: "Sounds like a good night to order pizza. Feel like anything in particular?"

"Pepperoni, olives, mushrooms and banana peppers sounds pretty amazing, if you're getting it from Pony Joe's. If you're doing Little Haflingers, I'd go for the Bucking Triple Special with some of their garlic knots."

"Or I could get both." Blue Spring flashed a grin. "It's your night. Lets make it count."

--

Loitering outside the ice cream shop, staring up at the sign, Ace brushed a hoof through his mane. Half of him wanted to skip this part. But it would always loom over him if he did and he wanted as close to a fresh start as possible. There was no putting it off. It had to be done. He wasn't going to let himself skate around these issues any longer. No pretending, no grand standing. Starlight deserved better. She had always deserved better...

So it was just his luck that when he finally did enter, the little bell above the door frame ringing out, it was Ciel who was stood behind the counter, wiping it down. "We are closing in five, mes invités~ If it's something facile, simple, perhaps..." Ciel looked up and lost the rest of his words. Clearly Ace was the last pony he thought he'd be seeing, his face a whirl of hopeful sadness, unsure where to settle. "Mon petit amour..."

"B-Bonjour, Ciel." Ace took a breath and forced his legs to carry him up to the counter, taking note that Ciel didn't rush around to greet him in his usual fashion. Probably for the best. "Is Starlight around?"

"Non, non~ She's out. ...Peut-être que c'est mieux ainsi... Taking care of salon business. What, ah... may I get you?" They were both trying to avoid any unnecessarily awkward eye contact.

"Nothing, really, Ciel. I just... I came to um..." Ace scratched at the back of his head, then set his hoof on the counter top. "I'm sorry. I... know what we were doing was... kind of messed up and I... may have taken advantage of the fact that... you're... still grieving... and Starlight..."

"Mon doux garçon~" Ciel reached out an tentatively placed a hoof over Ace's, putting a pin in his apologetic stammering. "I will be grieving always. Starlight, she sees... differently. But... however mal orienté et précaire we were... I knew one day it would end. There are no regrets in my heart of the time spent with you~"

Neither seemed to hear the second jingle of the door bell, the moment interrupted by a sharp snort. "If what I think it happening... it better not be."

Ciel gave Ace's hoof a squeeze before they both pulled back. As Ace turned to meet Starlight's hard gaze, Ciel cleared his throat and muttered something Ace didn't catch before making himself scarce. For the longest minute in the history of minutes, neither moved. Ace didn't even try to muster up one of his award winning disarming smiles, just gave a nod of his head like he was acknowledging a friend in the hall at school.

"It isn't. I... came to... eh..." Why was he fumbling so hard with words in front of her? Throwing his hooves up, he shook his head. "I came to fucking apologize, okay?" He moved a few paces toward her, motioning vaguely in the direction that Ciel had wandered off to. "And your dad needed an apology just as much as you do." Ace paused for a bit of emphasis before sighing. "I'm sorry, Star. I was off my game. Should have benched myself before it got outta hoof like it did... I know that probably doesn't mean much coming from me after everything..."

A little bit of that coldness left her eyes and Starlight let the tension out of her shoulders. She was still fairly cross with him, but she had to admit it was kind of the last thing she expected to walk in on. This was Ace, after all. Sorry was typically not in his general vocabulary, and the fact he was admitting fault at all was a miracle in its own right. It didn't excuse his actions, but it showed her that at least he was trying. "Well. It does, a tiny bit. Because it's coming from you."

"I... owe you a better apology. I kinda have for a long time." Ace took a breath, gaze dropping to the floor in the hope that he could hold on to the shred of courage he'd built up for this. "I never really... respected your feelings toward me. And I definitely never reciprocated them properly. Even when you couldn't have been clearer. You... always deserved some pony better, you know. And I should have... helped you realize that. Instead of being the Most Perfect Asshole in the Known Universe."

Starlight hadn't anticipated an apology that was attempting to reach back through years of heartache and longing. It was almost enough to forgive him. Almost. But it was a pretty good start. "Unexpected. But... I can accept that." She wasn't sure what to really say, despite the frustration his admitting he knew how he treated her growing up was. Even though another part of her didn't want to. Wanted to cling to some petty grudge. But she already knew she didn't have the time, then or now, to puzzle the broken pieces of a heart back together. It wasn't in her cards.

The small smile that twitched on his lips looked a touch sad. He wanted to say more, but he wasn't sure how. Theme of his life. "I'll make it up to you some day. More than some dumb words."

"Ace..." Starlight closed the distance and set her hooves on his shoulders. When their eyes met, she looked so much older than he'd ever cared to notice. Not to say that she had lost any of her beauty, no, the age she wore despite her years was that of a pony who had lived and experienced things most of their other friends had yet to have to deal with. "I am happy with just... dumb words. It takes thought and effort to accept when you're in the wrong. Even more so to declare it. Besides..." She gave him a playful shove as she brushed past and slipped behind the counter to continue with the wipe down her father had not quite finished. "I deal with enough checks and balances running this place. I don't need to play that game with my friends."

He turned, gaze following her as he fiddled with the lapel of his jacket. "Well... I owe you one, anyway. For always being the better pony."

That earned him a small smirk, though she was pointedly focusing on continuing the nightly clean-up.

How did he say goodbye? It was easier with Lancer and Teddy. And how did he say goodbye to the other girls, for that matter? Watching Starlight then, in her element, taking care of her establishment as carefully as she took care of her friends, he realized he'd never shine as bright. Not in the same way. That was in no way some negative dig at himself, it was something he hadn't really been able to see until he allowed himself to move out of the way. To see others instead of the light of his own reflection. "Heh..." He mused quietly to himself, then waving a hoof, he took his leave. Best to exit on a high note. "Prends soin de toi~"

Ace found he just couldn't apologize and then say he was leaving town in the same breath to her. Again, not like he had with Lancer and Teddy. They weren't the type to sift for deeper explanations and reasons. It didn't feel right, saying nothing, unlike with his father. But he left it at that. Unlike his parents, his friends were deserving. Should have been part of the know. He just... he couldn't. He was already at his limit.

Starlight, watching his tail disappear out the door, had her head tilted, muzzle half open in preparation for a reply... but he was already gone. "Au revoir...?" Her words fell quietly from her lips, pulling her brows down in a furrow. Something felt off and she couldn't tell what it was. However, the time to pick it apart wasn't now. She had a shop to close up, dinner to make, and a salon to get ready to transfer to a new owner. She didn't have time for Ace-caliber eccentricities. All the same, a broader smile found its way across her face.

She had a feeling he would come around and find his way out of his funk. He had always been, and always would be, too stubborn to lose. Even to the demons he tried to hide from everyone else around him. She would always admire that.

Chapter Text

Snow was falling in a light drift, leaving a thin dusting over the platform of the train station. Ace leaned against Blue Spring as a breeze tussled through his mane, gaze more than a little morosely fixated on the tracks. The sun was beginning to set behind the clouds, making the lights across the platform flicker to life. This was it, the last train out; the day before Christmas Eve. He was finally making the transition away from his hometown to the city. He had no regrets about it now, almost, and having patched the most egregious holes in his friendships he felt less conflicted... but still, somehow, it managed to tug at his heart in the way only leaving something comfortable behind could. Coach held him a little tighter, huffing out a breath.

"I wish you'd let me drive you."

He'd hinted at wanting to do that numerous times over the last twenty-four hours. It was cute. And getting on his nerves. Ace shook the build up of snowflakes from his mane, snorting with a halfhearted chuckle. "And I'm going to keep telling you... I want to do this part on my own. Besides..." Ace leaned more against the older pony, head resting against his collar. "If I let you drive me, I'd probably convince you to stay the night. And we both know how that will end up."

"Heh. Yeah. Guess that's how it'd be." Was there a hint of sadness in Coach's voice? They had both come to agree that some distance between them would be good. Neither was really excited about that part. But it was for the best, even despite the longing in Ace's heart. He did think he could well and truly be in love with Blue Spring. Maybe this would put that to the test? Or at least open him up to new paths to follow. Maybe... maybe it was all just that comfort thing. Blue Spring was like the town, in a way. Had been a part of his life for so many years... it hurt to leave. No matter how much he wanted to deny it. "You're right, though. I can't make the journey for you. And the space will be... good. It'll be good."

"Geez. Don't sound too convinced now~" Ace chuckled and tried to press closer, if that was even possible.

"Hey now. I'm allowed to feel some blues. My star player's moving on to new fields..." Blue Spring sighed, but it was wistful. He gave Ace's head a nuzzle and pecked a kiss on his brow. "Remember. You've got my number. If you need anything... ask. I'll be there." Blue Spring rested a hoof on Ace's shoulder and squeezed.

"Thanks Coach. I..." Ace couldn't decide whether to tense up or lean in to the touch. His eyes scanned over the platform again as he denied moisture from building along the edges of his eyes through sheer willpower. "...I appreciate everything, you know. More than... than I can say."

"Promised I would, didn't I? And I keep my promises." There was also no way in hell Blue was going to fail Ace like his folks had every step of the way. He cared too much, for better or for worse.

"Do you... think I'm making the right choice?" Ace finally caved and sunk fully against Coach's larger frame, his breath spilling out in a fog. A question he kept asking, as if he was afraid the answer was going to change.

"I think you're doing what's best for you in the moment. Maybe not what I would have done. But like I said... any step forward is a good step. I'm just happy to see you taking it." Blue Spring would have taken the scholarship to University and pursued sports, like he thought Ace had initially wanted to do and had aimed for. Winds changed, as they often did, and he couldn't fault Ace for choosing to follow his own path. And as much as he wanted to follow as well, this was ultimately where their dynamic shifted once more. From teacher and pupil to questionable lovers to... something almost like... family? Whatever they were, he was glad to have the young pony in his life. A pony he was having trouble letting go of right then.

Coach couldn't delay the inevitable, however, even though they would be getting together on Christmas. "Alright... you'll text me when you get there, yeah? Let me know when you're settled in?"

Ace rolled his eyes, nudging defiantly away from the warmth of Blue's form, a playful smirk curving across his muzzle. "Yes, daddy~"

"Hey! I'm not that old!" Coach snorted and gave his pupil an equally playful shove, then with another sigh, forced himself to take a step back. He didn't want to hog all the time before boarding, after all. It was a good spot to take his leave, feeling the heavy gazes from the other passengers as they mingled nearby. "...Have a nice trip, Ace. I'll see you soon. I, uh... I... t-take care."

Blue Spring, cheeks flushed maybe only half from the cold, turned and began to trot off toward the parking lot in a minor hurry. As if staying another moment would be grossly detrimental to his health. Was he about to say something else when he choked up on that delivery? Ace watched him for a moment, struggling. He really kind of didn't want to be left alone. It took a bit of effort not to run after him and take him up on the offer of a ride. That wasn't who he was though. Not when he was already here, right in front of the goal with his shot lined up, in the clear. Before Ace could call after him, the car was already backing out of its spot and turning. He waved, mumbling his goodbye to the snow drifting around him.

"...Love you too, Blue. See ya..."

Why did it feel like there was a chasm opening in his heart? It wasn't like they weren't going to see each other again. Stupidly soon. Would it feel the same though? Ace had a feeling everything was going to change. There had been enough changing. Couldn't he... wasn't it... alright to hold on to this? To something? Just for a while longer?

Whatever it was, he could take it. It was just such a pain in the ass to keep reminding himself! The world wasn't going to stomp his flame out so easily. Not now. Not after everything. Ace sat on his haunches and stuffed his hooves in to his pockets, feeling like he was missing something. That would have been his duffel bag. But he'd checked that in at the counter with an attendant inside to have it loaded on to the train so he didn't have to worry about it. He just had his saddle bag with a small number of things to keep him occupied on the two hour ride. He glanced around the platform, noting the scant few other passengers huddled together, then diverted his gaze toward the arrival and departure board... and frowned. He could have swore it had said On Time a minute ago. Now it just showed DELAYED in big ugly red letters. Typical! Maybe he really should have had Coach drive him. Or maybe he could use a lesson in patience? Nah. He picked himself up and trotted over to the station doors, dipping inside out of the cold, wiping his hooves on the rug before making his way over to the counter.

"Hello?" Standing up on his hind legs and resting his hooves on the counter, he glanced around. The station was eerily empty. "Any pony home?"

"Sorry, sir!" The reply came, somewhat muffled and quickly, as an employee shuffled out from a back room, adjusting their cap as they hurried over.

"It's cool. But uh... is something up with the train? It's showing a delay." Ace stared at the attendant, furrowing his brows. An awfully familiar shade of blue was hidden beneath the slightly unflattering burgundy of the uniform they wore. And that crimson tail swishing back and forth. He wasn't going to be fooled that easily.

"Let me just take a look here..."

Ace reached across the counter and smacked the hat off the pony's head. "What the hell are you playing at, Lance?!"

Lancer just smiled sheepishly, like he always did when he was caught in the midst of something and it was two seconds away from back firing on him. Clearing his throat, he snatched his cap up off the floor and set it next to the terminal he had been prodding at. "Apologies! It does look like there is a, um... slight delay with your train."

"I gathered that. So, you gonna wipe that dumb smile off your face and tell me what the hold up is?"

"Well... you see, uh..."

It was about then Ace took notice of the small crowd of ponies gathering behind him; the other passengers. Perfect timing. Seeing Lancer sweat while trying to fess up to this fiasco would possibly provide him with at least a good chuckle. A fitting close to this chapter of his life. Ace grinned and swept a hoof back, motioning to the other unfairly inconvenienced passengers behind himself. "Do tell, Lance old buddy. What's causing the delay and when do you plan to have it resolved?"

Lancer glanced down at the terminal, brushing a hoof through his mane before looking up and over Ace's shoulder. Ace knew that look. It was definitely a look, and before he could arrange the pieces of this puzzle in to order, Starlight's voice rang out. "It's delayed because we asked him to delay it, genius."

Ace whirled around, failing most spectacularly at keeping the surprise off his face. "What the fuck...?"

"That's what I said!" Patch unwrapped the scarf from around her head and sidled up next to Starlight. "About two seconds after I heard your dumb ass was going to skip town without saying goodbye. The hell, man?! I thought we were team mates!"

Almost the entire crowd of ponies on that platform hadn't been passengers at all. They had been his friends, setting up for the perfect ambush.

"Did you think we were all stupid or what? Honestly. Trying to skip out on the encore isn't a good look for anyone~" Melody moved up, her bright blue mane all but exploding out of its confinement when she pulled the hood of her jacket down. "Ugh... and this weather isn't good for my mane..." she grumbled, pulling out a pocket mirror as she began to brush the unruly mass in to something more presentable.

"Were you really truly going to leave without saying goodbye? That's very rude, you know!" Sweetheart, keeping herself half hidden behind Patch, chimed in.

"I bet you didn't even pack any good snacks. That's very criminal." Bon Bon gave him one of her famously annoyed looks, hooves crossed at her chest like she didn't even want to be there. Which was probably the truth. Bon Bon hated going out in the cold.

"We've all been worried you know... and... we all wanted t-to wish you luck! It... it's not easy... taking big steps on ye... your own." Clover wiggled her way between Patch and Starlight, a dopey smile on her face as she gazed at him with her usual level of misplaced admiration.

"Pretty messed up, even for you, jerkass." Teddy snorted. Even Bright Eyes was there, standing next to Lancer's gruff boyfriend, though she kept quiet. Ace couldn't tell what she was thinking which was probably for the best. Judging by the look in her eyes, Teddy had sufficiently delivered her thoughts.

Seeing all his friends here, unexpectedly, was equal parts infuriating and heartwarming. Or heartbreaking. He couldn't quite tell which right then. What could he do besides play it cool? "Heh! Good one, guys. This must have taken some keen planning. How in the Quadruple Fudge Mocha Marshmallow Double Cream Cherry Crowned Super Deluxe Sunday did you manage to sync this up with the delay?"

Bon Bon perked up at hearing the name of one of her all time favorite milkshakes Starlight served at The Rainbow. Ace even thought he saw the glistening of drool at the corners of her mouth at the mere mention. Starlight rolled her eyes and nodded toward Lancer, who had shuffled out from behind the counter about then and trotted over to cuddle up next to Teddy. "We asked him to."

Ace balked and shook his head. "Asked him to? I didn't know Lancer even worked here!"

"Seriously?" Lancer blinked, looking taken aback for a split second before giving a laugh. "We've been friends how long, man? Gosh." With a sigh, a radio was unclipped from a belt on his waist and he held it up, as if that answered Ace's question. "Technically, as of my eighteenth birthday, I oversee all the rail lines in Ponyland. How else did you think my folks could afford to go gallivanting off all over the world on their archaeological digs?"

"Bullshit." Ace scoffed.

"All bull, no shit, I assure you." Lancer cleared his throat and pressed one of the larger buttons on the radio. "Hey, Steamer?" He released the button. There was a moment of silence before a crackle of static and a reply came through.

"Eeyup? Ready and waiting, Captain~ Just say the word."

"Word." Lancer replied with a silly grin, then continued: "You're good to fire 'er up. Have the crew run a quick secondary safety check. We'll be boarding soon."

"Copy that!"

Ace still couldn't quite believe it. Lancer. Timid, nose-in-a-book Lancer, was the head of the entire Ponyland train operation? Maybe he did have his head up his own ass for a lot more of his high school years that he had thought. At least he got his question answered, finally, though it still left him shaking his head, which was all he could really do with the whirl of emotions whirling in his head. It should have made him feel better, knowing that even despite everything, here everyone was. Together. With him. For him. But all it really did was make his heart hurt more. That had been precisely why he'd chosen to not say anything. Because now he was going to miss them all, dearly. "I..."

"You may have been something of a scathing asshole for a majority of your lifespan, but you're still our friend. I hope you haven't forgotten that. And..." Bright Eyes finally broke her silence, adjusting the scarf around her neck.

Patch seized on that moment. "And! You're our scathing asshole! Like, seriously? You think we wouldn't care if you disappeared? Brrzztt~ Wrong answer! And guess what..."

"We're all com---" Clover bounced forward and, in classic Clover fashion, tripped over her own limbs. Ace, always in the right place at the right time, like so many times before, darted forward and caught her. Dangling like a limp noodle in his hooves, she beamed up at him. "W-We're um... all c-coming with you!" Her cheeks immediately flushed pink and she giggled, squirming in embarrassment, then added in a whisper: "Heehee... th-thanks~"

"Geez." Ace helped Clover to right herself, then began straightening the oversized frog hoodie she loved with all her heart. "I almost feel bad. Now who's going to catch you when I'm not around, huh?" He doted on her a bit, always feeling like some sort of big brother, even though she had an older sister. Not that Meadowlark was around much these days, what with her overseas dance company and all. It wasn't as though he'd been all that present in his self proclaimed role, either. He was just flooded with a whole lot of memories and feelings...

"Teddy!" Ace fixed him with a stern look. "You're hereby appointed to official Clover Duty. You keep an eye on my sweet girl, alright?" Giving Clover a pat on the shoulder, he stepped back and sighed, letting his gaze drift across the smiling faces of his friends. "So you're all really coming along for the ride, huh?"

Starlight came forward, exchanging places with Clover and held his gaze. "We are. We've all grown up together, so it's only right we're there for each other when we part. We may not be going all the way with you, but the very least we can do... is make sure you get to where you're going and... make sure you know, no matter the distance... you'll always have friends you can call when you need."

That almost did him in. Ace cleared his throat and turned his head, blinking back the rain. How did she always manage to get him so squarely in the feels? He didn't deserve her, or any of them, really. Yet here they were. Too stubborn to let him go. They really were the best ponies anyone could have had as friends. "Thanks, everyone..." Ace started to say in half a mumble, then rolled his eyes at himself. Fuck. They knew him. He sucked in a breath and blew it out in a nicker, hoof slicked back through his mane like he was still the star of the show. "You all better get your autographs now 'cause them puppies are gonna be primo in a couple of years."

"Primo toilet paper, maybe." Teddy chortled and began to shuffle off toward the doors with Lancer at his side. Everyone else joined in, laughter filling the otherwise empty station.

"H-Hey...!" Ace frowned and at the same time was having trouble keeping the grin off his face, watching as one by one they slipped out in to the cold. Rude. They weren't supposed to laugh! Clover, sweet thing that she was, paused and ran back to him, grabbing one of his hooves in hers and, giggling, pulled him along. "Come on, silly! Don't w-wanna miss your own train!"

Ace sighed and let her tug him along. "Lead the way, princess~"

--

That's pretty much the note in which he ended the time in his hometown on; laughing, surrounded by his friends. No one even teased him about seeing him on the platform, snuggled up against Coach. He was thankful, in all honesty, that they had come together for him like that. In a way it had opened his eyes a bit more, been just what he had needed. Ace wondered how he could have spent so much time being who he had been: the self proclaimed pillar of perfection, the greatest of the great, the heartthrob of youth. It felt a lifetime away now. A silly, juvenile lifetime away. He almost started to feel sorry for himself, like he had somehow wasted some amount of potential for his own personal satisfaction. But that wouldn't have been entirely truthful. No experience was a waste. Many, if anything, were moments in time to be learned from. It was Bright Eyes, oddly enough, who came to mind on that thought. She'd once said: "Mistakes are only detours on the road to success." Or something to that effect.

He'd been paired up with her for a science project in Ms. Hackney's class once upon a time where they had to make a model of a volcano and simulate an eruption with vinegar and baking soda. Overachiever that he was, he'd opted to increase the size of the hollow chamber in the model so they would have the biggest eruption out of anyone else in the class. Suffice to say that it cost them an A and they ended up having to stay after class to clean up the mess.

The two hours it took to reach the city flew by so fast the recoil nearly floored him. Just like that, it was all over in the blink of an eye.

He stood just inside the door to his new apartment, letting his bags settle on the floor. The lights took a moment to flicker to life after he flipped the switch on the wall. Empty. Alone. It synchronized very well with his plummeting emotions. But he could put a stop to that. He did his best, reminding himself that empty things could be filled. Loneliness could be fixed. Ace let out a breath he felt like he'd been holding for a thousand years and drug his bags in to the living room where a scant few boxes were waiting for him. And the couch, which he would be sleeping on in due time. Coach had helped him move a few things in before he had officially skipped town; the couch had been the one from his own living room. Apparently he was changing up the decor now that Honeystreak was out of the picture. And Ace wasn't going to pass up a comfortable piece of furniture he didn't have to buy.

He couldn't wait for Blue Spring to arrive, already missing his comforting presence terribly. Even if he was only going to be visiting for a few days over the holiday break. It was something he was going to have to get used to, which didn't exactly make him feel any better but... at least he could look forward to the coming days. Shuffling over to one corner of the room where an eerie shadow loomed, he plugged a lone cable in to an outlet. The oppressive shadow fell away as the fake Christmas tree lit up, lights slowly shifting through an array of colors, bring some semblance of warmth to the room.

The soft chime from his phone bit through the silence of a world that sounded different than what he was used to. Alien and awkward.

Coach:
Glad to hear you made it in one piece! Miss you already, champ. Good news- Got a friend with a truck I think you're familiar with who can help me bring down a few more things when I come visit. Found my old futon frame in the garage. You want that or the bed from the guest room? Choice is yours! Oh. And I invited him to dinner. Figured you wouldn't mind the extra company! See you soon.

Ace didn't have to wonder long about who he had meant as a slightly granulated photo loaded after the message, showing Coach and Buck with the blurry neon sign of Jetstream's bar in the background. It would be good to see Buck, he hadn't given the old stallion a proper goodbye and... really, he had been most deserving of one. Ace would have to make up for that somehow. With a slightly more content sigh, he tapped out a quick reply, opting for the futon like any upstanding young bachelor would, then set his phone down and sat back, tilting his head to look out the window, the dark city sprawled out before him.

His thoughts drifted backwards, sifting through regrets and moments he wished he could redo or erase from ever happening.

Ace remembered one night in particular, clear as crystal, as he pulled a blanket and pillow from a bag and made himself comfortable on the couch. The dim light of the clubhouse illuminated the memory behind his eyes and the one pony that still occupied his thoughts when everything else went quiet filled his mind, the one regret he tried to bury so many times but couldn't. One he would always keep close to his heart. His words escaped in a soft sigh as sleep washed over him, carrying him away.

"I see you, too. Sorry it took so long..."

Chapter Text

The despondent chill of winter was a blip on the horizon and falling in to the sea of time. Spring had followed suit not long after it in a blur of blooms, blossoms and allergens. So many things had changed over the course of the last few months, if Ace hadn't really pushed himself in to being the keep-it-together type, he would have let himself get swept away with it all. Luckily, he'd had a lifetime enough of allowing himself to feel swallowed by darkness. This was a time of new beginnings, despite his annoying reluctance to not let go of things that were no longer.

Ace sat back beneath a tree in the campus park, gazing up through the branches at the bright blue sky. He whipped out his phone and snapped a picture of the serene view. adding it to a text as he typed out a message: Wish you were here~ It was a feat to stop himself before hitting send, a frown following on the heels of a grumble as he deleted everything and shoved his phone in to his bag so he didn't have to look at it. He couldn't keep doing this.

Blue Spring had kept his promise. He was there when Ace needed him to talk and vent, even coming to visit a few times when his schedule allowed... but he was no longer there in the ways that Ace really yearned for him to be. They had sat and talked, extensively, about the possibilities of maintaining an actual relationship. Well, mostly Ace did the talking and Coach had let him down as gently as he could. It wouldn't have worked out for either of them. The logic was there, Ace saw it. It made sense. But he still didn't have to like it.

Not even a casual pity fuck with his new team's cute goalie had been able to lift his spirits from that revelation. That was life, though, wasn't it? A churning sea of ups and downs. And right now, he needed to do something to keep his mind from getting too far down. He just wasn't sure what he felt up to. Usually, in the past, when something was bothering him he would throw himself in to soccer practice. But his hooves refused to carry him to the field. Going to his apartment seemed like the worst option because then he would literally just sit and swim in it. Maybe a trip downtown to the coffee shop he liked? There was that handsome barista that worked afternoons...

"...Ace?"

The world paused as he was fixing to set himself in motion. Now he was imagining voices from the lost times, in some sadsack attempt to keep himself aloft.

"Ace, is that you?"

Or was he?

With the smell of trees suddenly surrounding him and visions of mountains reaching in to the sky, the sound of his name brought him back a million years to a summer he thought he couldn't remember; memories he had lost to time. It almost felt like someone else's life. He could taste the smoke of one too many campfires on the breeze and almost hear the waves of the lake lapping at the shore. So much had happened since then, and yet, here was a voice he had never quite forgotten. One that he thought he'd never, ever hear again.

And it all came flooding back. The sneaky late night trips to the only convenience store for miles around, the crush he had on his cabin counselor, and the frustrations at being pulled back and forth between Lancer and Teddy's struggle for his attention. Then there was Curly, a scared-of-his-own-shadow type, who in an attempt to impress Ace, took a dive off a cliff going after a fallen map. The idiot had been lucky Leaf was there, the aforementioned crush, to pull him to safety. It was an experience that attempted to sour the last half of their time at camp, as he remembered, an ambulance needed to be called to haul the poor kid off to the hospital for head trauma...

All of that though, paled in comparison to the one night in their last week that he'd spent on the lake with one of his other cabin mates. Perhaps the most treasured moment he was suddenly, painfully reminded of; confessions in a canoe under the stars.

Ace turned, rolling a shoulder to adjust his bag and stared. He was either hallucinating something fierce due to only having a peanut butter and banana smoothie for breakfast or... an older visage of a very specific pony from his summer camp adventures was standing a hop and a skip away, framed in the golden rays of the sun like some B Movie Hallmark mash-up in the discount bin at Blockbuster. He set his bag down, or dropped it, one of the two, as he took a few steps forward.

"Holy shit..." Ace coughed, then felt his muzzle break in to a grin. "Holy shit! Trigger!?"

Trigger Wilson had consumed his thoughts for months after camp ended, in a terribly disastrous fashion. They had promised to keep in touch but neither boy had actually bothered to exchange numbers or addresses or anything that would have allowed them to realistically do so. Such were the failings of youth. The two stood in front of each other for a long moment before whatever invisible wall crumbled between them and they embraced. For the longest time they remained linked, reminiscing in silence before leaning back and looking each other over.

"I almost didn't think it was you... you look... heh. You really filled out. Nicely, I might add~" Trigger gave Ace's forelegs a squeeze, eyes sparkling playfully.

"Pffft! Not so bad yourself, Trigs. Even a little extra? It's kinda cute." Ace jabbed gently at his long lost friend's slightly chubby belly.

"What can I say? I fell in love with carrot cake."

"Seriously though. Holy shit, dude. I thought... I mean... when did you...?"

"Move? About a year after camp my dad had to relocate for a new job here in the city. I would have called you but... you never gave me your number, dickhole! I'm pretty sure I cried for days after I got home."

"You never gave me yours either, prickbasket! Fuuuck, I kicked my own ass for months over that. I really, really missed you. I had a whole notebook planned out of cool things to do together, too!"

Ace caught himself, blushing. He felt like some giddy school girl confessing to his ultimate crush. Gushing away without a care! What would his friends think if they saw him like this? And did he actually care? The answer came swift: no. No, he didn't. And they weren't here. So he could gush and swoon to his hearts content. A heart that was swelling with all sorts of feelings in that moment that he had to wrestle in to submission before he jumped the proverbial gun and did something rash. Like kiss that silly, stupid, beautiful snout that was smiling at him.

"So..." Trigger, cheeks equally flushed, rubbed the back of his head. "I was uh... about to head to this local coffee joint and grab a bite. Do you... want to join me? It's just down on the corner of Stock and Bridle with..."

"...a cute barista with a teal mane?" Realization dawning, Ace helped him finish that sentence with a growing, nearly overflowing sense of joy. And then promptly devolved in to a snorting fit of laughter. "How have we not run in to each other?! I love that place!"

"Awesome! Ugh, damn dude. It's really good to see you. We've got so much to catch up on!"

"Oh for sure! And I've got some serious stories to tell. You remember Lancer? You'll never guess who he ended up dating..."

Ace snatched his almost forgotten bag up as the two started to trot off through the grass, shoulders bumping together.Was this the universe giving him a net positive? He wasn't going to say he deserved it after everything, but maybe he kind of did. Maybe he could allow himself to feel like he did, in any case. Or at the very least, acknowledge that he did put in the work to earn it. And just when he was at another tipping point, too. Trigger showing up must have been a sign. Old threads reconnecting and perhaps... old flames reigniting? Whatever this was, or would turn out to be, he wasn't going to waste it propping himself up like some idol to be worshiped or let fear and foolishness drag him down. He felt like this was a chance to show someone, and himself, how much he had grown...

And how much he had to give.