Chapter Text
Ace lingered a few feet inside the doorway, peering in to the living room; waiting. The first few times he played this game when he was younger had been amusing; trying to see how long he could go unnoticed. As time went on it just got sadder the more he realized the outcome would never change. He stared at the figure on the couch, who in turn stared at the television, the shifting lights casting different shades of color across his father's face. This was the last time he was going to let himself feel like this. Like some sort of ghost in his own home. ... Was that still right? No, not any more. This place was no longer his home. In fact, it hadn't been for a long while now. It was just a harbor in which he sheltered from storms.
With a silent, determined nod to a past self that never got to have a normal childhood, something that he deserved, like every other colt and filly in the world, he crossed the room. It had always been a careful dance from the front door to the kitchen arch, an art form. He was careful not to stay too long in front of the holy moving picture box. God forbid his father miss a second of brain rot. Ace paused as his hooves left the thinning carpet to greet tiled flooring, looking back over his shoulder. For all he knew his father hadn't even blinked. One last hurrah for old times sake? He brushed at his mane and called out; "Hey, dad. Have a good run?"
The reaction time was uncanny. It was like watching too much paint slide down a surface, the way his father turned his head, a half confused expression on his face like he hadn't quite heard every syllable correctly, further enforced by his reply. Ace might have as well spoken actual nonsense. "We're getting low on milk. Make sure you get some from the store. And unload the dishwasher. We'll need to get the kitchen looking spotless before your mom gets home."
We accurately translated to Ace. This fact no longer surprised him. He'd been numbing himself to the ache of feeling like he was little more than an annoyance and at best a creature of his parents demands. As much as Ace wanted to let his blood boil over and give his father a good, sharp piece of his mind... he merely nodded his head. "Sure, dad. I'll get right on that."
Ace could have let himself feel so many things as he turned and made his way to his bedroom. There were untold novels worth; grievances and reprimands, judgments, so many words he could have shouted. But he learned long ago that served him no purpose as those words fell on perpetually deaf ears. And even if it would have lifted a little more weight from his shoulders, or given him a momentary flare of satisfaction, it would only have had half the effect because his mother wasn't there. He'd had years to think about how he was going to finally tell them off before he left for good. And on his way home from visiting Lancer and Teddy he had decided that the most devastating commentary he could make... was saying nothing at all. Ace was going to leave them how they left him on so many nights when he needed them to be real parents, not the lousy facsimiles they were. Time would do enough damage on his behalf once they realized they were going to have to handle all the burdens of a home on their own. And he could live with that. There was no hesitation or awkwardness to the thought of removing himself from the lives of his parents. There was no longer anything holding him here.
Closing the door to his room, Ace took a long look around. The desk his folks had bought him in third grade, still standing. A testament to his engineering prowess, obviously. He had put it together himself after his dad promised he would help for nearly two weeks straight and never did. Striding over to his closet he pushed one side open, reaching in, hoof tracing over countless marks etched on the backside, tallying the many games his parents never showed up to. A couple boxes of trophies glinted at him from the back corner that had earned him no praise. Another box held old projects, essays and report cards; only the ones he was most proud of. Further testaments, showing at least to himself, that he was as good as any other student even if nothing ever made it up on to the fridge over the years.
Ace gave the boxes only a passing glance. These were things he no longer needed. He had the memories and that was all he required. He no longer had to try so hard to earn adoration from the husks that had occupied the same living space. He'd done his best, raising himself. And you know what? His best was pretty damn good. He turned from the closet, taking in each poster, picture, print and clipping that covered the walls in neat patches; all attempting to detract from the reality that this was a cage and not the safe space he pretended it had been.
This was the room of an Ace that no longer existed.
Content with his emotions, he pulled an old duffel bag and his backpack out from under his bed and set them atop it, dismissing the urge to further reminisce. He only filled them with things he really needed. A few articles of clothing, his laptop, notebooks and pens, and a few books. To save some space, he emptied out a disc binder and filled it with choice CDs and DVDs. The GameColt Color was a must for the times ahead. Maybe he would even start a new save file on Ponymon Yellow. Ace had forgotten all about his phone until he was rummaging through his desk and his eyes finally registered that it had been sitting right there the entire time. Surprisingly, it was still hanging in with 26% battery, along with a few missed calls and a number of unread texts. He was only interested in checking the time right then, slipping the device in to a coat pocket before continuing with his current task.
It was close to 5PM when he sat back and took one last glance around, shrugging on the backpack and shouldering the duffel. So this was it. He gave a nod to his poster of 1992 Soccer Stallion of the Year, Mulecel van Gaskin. "See you, Mule."
Passing through the kitchen, his father was making himself a sandwich. He didn't even look up, just huffed as if every ounce of effort was a slight against his being. The only acknowledgement he gave Ace was the flick of an ear. "Pick up some peanut butter too when you're out. None of that crunchy crap."
"You got it." Ace replied with all the intent of a pony who was heading off to do just as he was asked.
Once more, he stood at the front door. Every mark on the wall had a story only he would care to remember. For a split second he thought about officially saying goodbye as he spared a glance at the tilted coat rack that he never got around to fixing. It wasn't his problem any more. Adjusting the bag on his shoulder, he slipped quietly out the door. As it closed for the final time, he looked up in time to see Blue Spring pulling up along the curb. Half way across the lawn a breeze tickled his ears and he craned his neck, looking back toward his bedroom window. The faint silhouette of a younger Ace peered out, wisp of a smile spread across a thin muzzle before fading entirely. The voice that had haunted his darker moments had been his own. He knew that now, the realization hitting at the same time it whispered, tussling through his mane like the wind, reminding him of a question he'd asked himself not too long ago: You ever read a story where a fallen star found its way back in to orbit?
Ace found he had an answer to that as he threw his bags in the backseat of Coach's car. A star doesn't fall. It just finds new ground to run~ An echo of that smile was on his own muzzle, a smile that wasn't forced, or masked by anything else. A smile that felt, for once, free from the shackles of past selves. A smile that was looking ahead to better days.
"Got everything you need?" Coach looked briefly past him as Ace climbed in to the passenger seat.
"Everything I can't live without, yeah. I'm done here."
Blue Spring nodded, shifting gear and steering away from the curb. Ace spared one more look at the neglected, near barren front yard. His father's downtrodden pickup. The basketball hoop above the garage that hadn't been used in years. He really wasn't going to miss anything about this place. Facing forward, he pulled out his phone and quickly scrolled down the list of unread messages, then pocketed it again.
"Actually... I think there's one more stop I'd like to make. If you don't mind, uh... dropping me off at the Rainbow? You don't have to wait around. I'll probably need the walk after."
"Sure." Coach nodded, keeping his eyes on the road but reaching over with a hoof and giving Ace's leg a squeeze. He knew what he meant to do with that stop. "You do what you gotta do. Even if your friends are mad, they'll appreciate that you took the time for them to try." With his hoof back on the wheel, he added: "Sounds like a good night to order pizza. Feel like anything in particular?"
"Pepperoni, olives, mushrooms and banana peppers sounds pretty amazing, if you're getting it from Pony Joe's. If you're doing Little Haflingers, I'd go for the Bucking Triple Special with some of their garlic knots."
"Or I could get both." Blue Spring flashed a grin. "It's your night. Lets make it count."
--
Loitering outside the ice cream shop, staring up at the sign, Ace brushed a hoof through his mane. Half of him wanted to skip this part. But it would always loom over him if he did and he wanted as close to a fresh start as possible. There was no putting it off. It had to be done. He wasn't going to let himself skate around these issues any longer. No pretending, no grand standing. Starlight deserved better. She had always deserved better...
So it was just his luck that when he finally did enter, the little bell above the door frame ringing out, it was Ciel who was stood behind the counter, wiping it down. "We are closing in five, mes invités~ If it's something facile, simple, perhaps..." Ciel looked up and lost the rest of his words. Clearly Ace was the last pony he thought he'd be seeing, his face a whirl of hopeful sadness, unsure where to settle. "Mon petit amour..."
"B-Bonjour, Ciel." Ace took a breath and forced his legs to carry him up to the counter, taking note that Ciel didn't rush around to greet him in his usual fashion. Probably for the best. "Is Starlight around?"
"Non, non~ She's out. ...Peut-être que c'est mieux ainsi... Taking care of salon business. What, ah... may I get you?" They were both trying to avoid any unnecessarily awkward eye contact.
"Nothing, really, Ciel. I just... I came to um..." Ace scratched at the back of his head, then set his hoof on the counter top. "I'm sorry. I... know what we were doing was... kind of messed up and I... may have taken advantage of the fact that... you're... still grieving... and Starlight..."
"Mon doux garçon~" Ciel reached out an tentatively placed a hoof over Ace's, putting a pin in his apologetic stammering. "I will be grieving always. Starlight, she sees... differently. But... however mal orienté et précaire we were... I knew one day it would end. There are no regrets in my heart of the time spent with you~"
Neither seemed to hear the second jingle of the door bell, the moment interrupted by a sharp snort. "If what I think it happening... it better not be."
Ciel gave Ace's hoof a squeeze before they both pulled back. As Ace turned to meet Starlight's hard gaze, Ciel cleared his throat and muttered something Ace didn't catch before making himself scarce. For the longest minute in the history of minutes, neither moved. Ace didn't even try to muster up one of his award winning disarming smiles, just gave a nod of his head like he was acknowledging a friend in the hall at school.
"It isn't. I... came to... eh..." Why was he fumbling so hard with words in front of her? Throwing his hooves up, he shook his head. "I came to fucking apologize, okay?" He moved a few paces toward her, motioning vaguely in the direction that Ciel had wandered off to. "And your dad needed an apology just as much as you do." Ace paused for a bit of emphasis before sighing. "I'm sorry, Star. I was off my game. Should have benched myself before it got outta hoof like it did... I know that probably doesn't mean much coming from me after everything..."
A little bit of that coldness left her eyes and Starlight let the tension out of her shoulders. She was still fairly cross with him, but she had to admit it was kind of the last thing she expected to walk in on. This was Ace, after all. Sorry was typically not in his general vocabulary, and the fact he was admitting fault at all was a miracle in its own right. It didn't excuse his actions, but it showed her that at least he was trying. "Well. It does, a tiny bit. Because it's coming from you."
"I... owe you a better apology. I kinda have for a long time." Ace took a breath, gaze dropping to the floor in the hope that he could hold on to the shred of courage he'd built up for this. "I never really... respected your feelings toward me. And I definitely never reciprocated them properly. Even when you couldn't have been clearer. You... always deserved some pony better, you know. And I should have... helped you realize that. Instead of being the Most Perfect Asshole in the Known Universe."
Starlight hadn't anticipated an apology that was attempting to reach back through years of heartache and longing. It was almost enough to forgive him. Almost. But it was a pretty good start. "Unexpected. But... I can accept that." She wasn't sure what to really say, despite the frustration his admitting he knew how he treated her growing up was. Even though another part of her didn't want to. Wanted to cling to some petty grudge. But she already knew she didn't have the time, then or now, to puzzle the broken pieces of a heart back together. It wasn't in her cards.
The small smile that twitched on his lips looked a touch sad. He wanted to say more, but he wasn't sure how. Theme of his life. "I'll make it up to you some day. More than some dumb words."
"Ace..." Starlight closed the distance and set her hooves on his shoulders. When their eyes met, she looked so much older than he'd ever cared to notice. Not to say that she had lost any of her beauty, no, the age she wore despite her years was that of a pony who had lived and experienced things most of their other friends had yet to have to deal with. "I am happy with just... dumb words. It takes thought and effort to accept when you're in the wrong. Even more so to declare it. Besides..." She gave him a playful shove as she brushed past and slipped behind the counter to continue with the wipe down her father had not quite finished. "I deal with enough checks and balances running this place. I don't need to play that game with my friends."
He turned, gaze following her as he fiddled with the lapel of his jacket. "Well... I owe you one, anyway. For always being the better pony."
That earned him a small smirk, though she was pointedly focusing on continuing the nightly clean-up.
How did he say goodbye? It was easier with Lancer and Teddy. And how did he say goodbye to the other girls, for that matter? Watching Starlight then, in her element, taking care of her establishment as carefully as she took care of her friends, he realized he'd never shine as bright. Not in the same way. That was in no way some negative dig at himself, it was something he hadn't really been able to see until he allowed himself to move out of the way. To see others instead of the light of his own reflection. "Heh..." He mused quietly to himself, then waving a hoof, he took his leave. Best to exit on a high note. "Prends soin de toi~"
Ace found he just couldn't apologize and then say he was leaving town in the same breath to her. Again, not like he had with Lancer and Teddy. They weren't the type to sift for deeper explanations and reasons. It didn't feel right, saying nothing, unlike with his father. But he left it at that. Unlike his parents, his friends were deserving. Should have been part of the know. He just... he couldn't. He was already at his limit.
Starlight, watching his tail disappear out the door, had her head tilted, muzzle half open in preparation for a reply... but he was already gone. "Au revoir...?" Her words fell quietly from her lips, pulling her brows down in a furrow. Something felt off and she couldn't tell what it was. However, the time to pick it apart wasn't now. She had a shop to close up, dinner to make, and a salon to get ready to transfer to a new owner. She didn't have time for Ace-caliber eccentricities. All the same, a broader smile found its way across her face.
She had a feeling he would come around and find his way out of his funk. He had always been, and always would be, too stubborn to lose. Even to the demons he tried to hide from everyone else around him. She would always admire that.