Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

3:05 PM

Stolas Blitz, I can’t accept this.

Blitzø
yeh well ur goin 2

Stolas
What could I possibly need a phone for? The only person I am trying to reach won’t even answer my calls.

Blitzø
wow well ok fuk u too i gues
maybee idk use it to txt ur fukin boyfrend?????

Stolas
Is that what we’re calling it now?

Blitzø
yeh watevr

Stolas
How romantic.

Blitzø
tats me baybee
mistr grand fukin roamntic

Stolas
Sorry I can’t respond I’m too busy 💕swooning 💕

Blitzø
yeh wel u bettr pik ur sexi fethers asss up off the floor and explane wtf dis grosery list is
i cant find any off dis shit

Stolas
Oh I see! The real reason I need a phone is revealed at last.

Blitzø
dam u got me
tho i figured u also need it to scroll dreddit for 100000 hrs evry dai

Stolas
I am not on there that much!

Blitzø
i dont kno why ur on it at alll
only deprssd losrs go on thre to jerk offf

Stolas
So you do know why I use it!

Blitzø
lolll
ur not a losr

Stolas
Oh but the other things are true?

Blitzø
idk u tell me
butt frst tell me wtf is shreww and wat isle its in

Stolas
Isle?

Blitzø
isle at teh grosery stoor dumass

Stolas
I’m afraid I’m not familiar with one.

Blitzø
wit one wat? grozery stoor? oh satan we r so fuked
nvrmd ill just voogle it

Stolas
Sorry I can’t be of more help with this stuff!
And thank you again for going to the store for me.

Blitzø
nything for my new sugrbabee

Stolas
Ugh, can we go back to “boyfriend”?

Blitzø
yeh just fukin wit u lol

AITA for not eating my boyfriend’s cooking?

After a series of incidents, I (36M) had to move in with my situationship-recently-turned-boyfriend (33M) without any advanced notice. Even though he has no obligation to, he has been very thoughtful and caring for me during what is a very hard time. He lets me sleep on his couch every night and really has given me all the space and support I need to process what was a very traumatic transition. We’ve had some difficult times in the past but I love him with every feather of my being and I’m fairly sure he loves me too. (He tends to be hesitant to show intimate emotions but we're getting there.)

The only real problem is his cooking. He wakes up early every morning and makes breakfast for me before work but I’m afraid it’s just… not good. I’ll admit, I’m used to a bit of a higher quality of food (usually gourmet) being provided for me, but I promise I’m doing my best not to make a big deal about it. And I tried being helpful by giving him a list of ingredients to pick up at the store but he came back saying they were all too expensive.

I really made an attempt to eat what he made yesterday but I really didn’t have much appetite and felt dizzy all day afterwards. AITA for not just eating what he cooks for me?

1,115 LIKES • 461 COMMENTS

u/demondame123• 371 points
YTA This post reeks of privilege. Why can’t you go buy the ingredients you want for yourself? You sound like someone who’s never set foot inside a grocery store. Just learn how to cook, it’s literally not that hard.

u/bonetown2022• 133 points
Are you sure youre not preganent?

u/ihateithere• 171 points
NTA Um why the fuck is your boyfriend making you sleep on his couch? Can’t you just sleep in the bed with him? Sounds like a walking red flag 🚩

r/InfernalCultureChat on dreddit.com
submitted by u/Official666News

In his first official interview Blitzø of I.M.P. says imps have spent too long being hell’s little cocksleeves

[666News.com]

52,061 LIKES • 743 COMMENTS

u/Sloth-head428• 2,259 points
Holy fuck someone is finally saying it

u/FrenchFryPolycule• 1,980 points
Can anyone even understand what he’s saying under all the bleeps?

u/NeverGetToHeaven_32• 1,521 points
I love how he won’t give a straight answer about what I.M.P. does like we all know they kill people in the mortal realm, there are advertisements everywhere lmao

u/KpopDemonSuckers• 1,335 points
Can someone check on Tom? I didn’t think the questions were even that bad but Blitz just destroyed him.

u/MrBethanyGhostfckr• 1,321 points
Why am I obsessed with this imp and his cunty little outfit so much?

u/BellyBub90• 871 points
Weird that he dodged all the questions about Stolas and kind of implied he wants people to lay off him now that the trial's over. Didn’t that bird bitch almost let Blitzo take the fall for whatever shady shit he was forcing him to do on Earth? It's kind of giving stockholm syndrome.

u/bonetown2022• 670 points
Is anyone getting weirdly emotional about this? I would love to start a GoFundMean just to buy this guy a fucking drink, he’s doing more for imp equality than anyone has in centuries.

r/hellanovella on dreddit.com
submitted by u/CosmicBird

Does anyone else find Gabriella kind of annoying now?

I’ve been rewatching the show again from the beginning and I can’t help but notice Gabriella is kind of delusional. I know she’s head-over-heels in love with Alejandro but she seems totally oblivious to how pointless it is. He’s never going to be able to be honest about his feelings for her. It’s almost becoming embarrassing to watch.

0 LIKES • 2 COMMENTS

u/gabrijandro42• 8 points
Literally what are you talking about their relationship is like the heart of the show, Alejandro is SO obviously smitten with her. Is this rage bait?

u/TheOfficialOzzy• 6 points
What the fuck is this take? OP I will physically fight you.

r/houseplants on dreddit.com
submitted by u/CosmicBird

How to care for hellebore roses?

I have an exquisite bush of hellebore roses that I got as a gift. As you can see, they aren’t exactly thriving at the moment. I haven’t been able to keep up with the regular pruning and maintenance they require, mostly just from a lack of motivation but I’ve also recently developed a slight tremor in my hand. They’re starting to look very despondent, is there any way to help them or is it too late?

334 LIKES • 7 COMMENTS

u/plantgurl420• 92 points
Ooh, I love hellebore roses! But yes, they do tend to be a lot of work. If you really want them to thrive the only way is to give them the care and attention they need. Sorry if this is kind of personal but I usually feel like my plants are a reflection of my mental state, and it sounds like yours isn’t doing so great. Maybe there’s a way you can address the root (lol) of the problem? I know we all love our plants here but sometimes you have to take care of yourself before you take care of them.

u/hellsgreatestgardener• 20 points
I actually hate when people give plants as gifts like oh great more responsibilities, thanks!

u/daisiesfordaisy• 12 points
Have you tried fertilizer?

Today

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wear to by fresh rats

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Chapter Text

r/Romantasy on dreddit.com
submitted by u/CosmicBird

More books like A Court of Demons and Daydreams?

I just finished reading A Court of Demons and Daydreams and am absolutely bewitched! It’s been ages since I’ve read a fantasy book with this kind of tantalizing romance and was wondering if there are more like it? And if so, where can I get them? I found this copy just laying around at work but don’t think we have any more there. Are books generally expensive?

93 LIKES • 24 COMMENTS

u/silverquick• 11 points
Yessss another one has fallen! Please come join us over at r/ACODAD, you have so much to learn. But the short answer is yes there are many more books like it, that one is actually just the first in the series.

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

11:54 AM

Stolas Heading out for a bit, I’ll be back later!

Blitzø
k
how r u fealing?

Stolas
A bit better I think! The pills will take awhile to work again but at least I’m not going through withdrawal anymore. Thank you for the help, really.

Blitzø
its nbd

Stolas
It is though.

Blitzø
not rlly in cumparison

Stolas
In comparison to what?

Blitzø
cumparison to wat u did
u kno with the lyke
the triall stuf

Stolas
Oh, yes. Right.

Blitzø
u woldnt even be in this fcking mess if not for me
sowwy
anythin u need just let me kno

Stolas
Of course. 💜

Blitzø
wiat so wear are u goin out to?

Stolas
I just found out about a new bookstore near here and wanted to check it out! Do you want to come with me?

Blitzø
no itz ok we hav a job aftrnoon

Stolas
Okay. I’ll see you back at the apartment later! Good luck with the job.

2:17 PM

Blitzø
sry missed ur call
turnz out this fcker lives in sum kind of undergrnd bunkr
a bunkr wiht alot of guns

Stolas
Oh dear! We can talk later, please just focus on the murder.

Blitzø
nah s fine
mills is alredy inside 🔪
whastup

Stolas
It’s not a big deal really but I just wanted to check with you about an interesting development from today. First, I just want to say that I cannot express enough how much I appreciate the opportunity you’ve given me to work at I.M.P. But, to be quite honest, I’m not sure if it’s a good fit for me right now. I’m rather useless to help with anything important and I think Loona hates me ever since the coffee incident this morning.

Blitzø
uh sure but remmber we talked abt this? u need to werk somewere
cuz capatilsm or smth

Stolas
Yes! That’s why I wanted to talk to you right away, I actually got a job offer while I was out earlier! I got to talking to the owner of the bookstore. They were really sweet and said I had “enthusiasm for reading they rarely see these days.”
Also I think they felt bad for me when I tried to buy twelve books by bartering the sandwich you made me for lunch. Or maybe they’ve just never tried rat and cheese before.
Anyway, it would be a full time position, so I think I would still have insurance for health. I can double check, of course.

Blitzø
k

Stolas
But please don’t think I’m ungrateful for the employment opportunity at I.M.P.! You really saved me with that one. 💜

Blitzø
stols its litrealy fine
tho ill miss my sexi sekratary 😢

Stolas
Aw, I’m sorry to not be able to see you at work anymore too! Though this is probably healthier for us. You know, boss/employee is a hoot with roleplay but in practice perhaps not the most ethical.

Blitzø
boooo ethiks

Stolas
But you should come see me at the shop sometime! I think you would be VERY interested in the kind of books they sell.

Blitzø
y?
🐴?

Stolas
Not really.
Actually yes, I saw horses on a few covers.

Blitzø
hell yeh

3:05 PM

Blitzø
want to wtch a moovy tonite? thisguy has lyke 100000

Stolas Yes! That sounds lovely, darling. 😊

Text conversation with
blitz

10:43 PM

Loona i’m heading to the bathroom

Blitzø
k
wait y ar u telling me sweeti

Loona
so you guys will stop fucking before i come out of my room
no offense but i don’t want to see that

Blitzø
wat?????
i told u we werre whatching a moovy
WTFDID U HTINK THAT MENT???

Loona i dunno

Blitzø
WERE NOT GOIN TO FUCK WHIL MY BABEY GURL IS IN THE APARTMINT!!!!!

10:50 PM

Loona ok you guys can go back to your regularly scheduled activities now

Blitzø
were litrelly jus twatching a moovy
u just saw us

Loona lol yeah just messing with you

Blitzø
kewl thx

Loona why was he crying btw?

Blitzø
idk
i think i piked the wrong movee

Loona good job genius

r/movies on dreddit.com
submitted by u/CosmicBird

Is anyone else bothered by how inaccurate they made outer space in Interstellar?

Maybe this is nitpicking but was anyone else really distracted by how unrealistic they made space look in Interstellar? Obviously the cosmos look nothing like that. Also why did it take them so long to travel through space? That part confused me a bit.

The rest of the movie was pretty decent though, the score was beautiful. I also really loved the father daughter relationship, I bawled like an owlet at the ending.

4 LIKES • 0 COMMENTS

r/relationship_advice on dreddit.com
submitted by u/CosmicBird

My daughter won’t speak to me ever since I moved in with my boyfriend

I know this situation is probably all my own doing, but I recently left a very toxic marriage and moved in with my boyfriend. It was a long time coming, the marriage was entirely devoid of love, I mostly just stayed to be close to my daughter (17). Unfortunately things came to a head when I met someone. I didn’t think I would catch feelings for him so for a while it was fine but then, naturally, I fell madly and unapologetically in love.

To make a very long and harrowing story short, I ended up having to leave my home with no warning and couldn’t take anything with me. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my daughter. We used to be really close but I think the more my marriage weighed on me, the more difficult it became to prioritize my relationship with her. I fear I’ve really let her down by getting so caught up in my first real experience with romantic love. It’s all very new to me, he and I only recently agreed to give this relationship thing a proper try and even getting to this point has been a struggle.

I was so caught up in all the romance that I fear I neglected my daughter’s feelings to a disastrous extent. She outright hates me now, which I really deserve if I’m honest. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am and show her I can change and learn to listen better. But unfortunately I think she blocked me on everything so I don’t even know how I would even reach out at this point.

That being said, I can’t go back to the way my life was before, even as hard as things are now. Is there any other way I can try to mend things with her?

29 LIKES • 2 COMMENTS

u/backseattherapist19• 5 points
It sounds like things moved kind of fast, did you even talk to your daughter about your boyfriend before leaving her to live with him? Obviously you can’t go back in time, but maybe you could take a step back from the new relationship and get some distance from your bf. Then you could see if she would be interested in at least starting a dialogue. He dosn't sound that great anyway tbh.

Comments on this post are now locked.

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

11:35 PM

Stolas I know you probably won’t read this but I just wanted to let you know what I’m always thinking of you. I miss you every day my little owlette, and I just hope you’re doing okay at home. I know I can never make up for what I did but I promise it had nothing to do with you. The only fracture was between your mother and I, and nothing has changed at all with how much I love you. Please just talk to me. Message not delivered

Chapter Text

Today

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Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

10:15 AM

Blitzø
r u bizzee tonit

Stolas
Not particularly. Why do you ask? I’m always down for another movie. But really whatever you’re feeling is fine.

Blitzø
wnt to go out?

Stolas
Oh! Hmm.
I guess it depends where. Did you have some place specific in mind?

Blitzø
may bee

Stolas
Okay where? Which ring?

Blitzø
no ring. eerth?

Stolas
Interesting! Yes I think that sounds fun. I haven’t really been to the living world without full access to my abilities but I take it you can protect me if anything happens.

Blitzø
yup
ill fuk up anythig that givs us troubell

Stolas
My knight in shining armor. 🥰

Blitzø
u kno it

Stolas
😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

Blitzø
pls stop

Stolas
Not a chance, darling.
Anyway, that sounds great! Count me in. I should be done around four today, I’ll swing by the office when I’m out!

Text conversation with
blitz

3:20 PM

Blitzø
can i use ur chargr

Loona
why?

Blitzø
goin out wit stols tonite

Loona
fine. it’s by my desk
you have to use it out here though, if i let you take it i’ll never see it again

Blitzø
lol

3:43 PM

Blitzø
thank you best daughter ever

Loona
whatever
so where are you guys going out?

Blitzø
earth

Loona
lol what? why?

Blitzø
i think he misses space shit and apparently its a much better place to see the
loona
what the fuck did you do to my phone

Loona
what do you mean?

Blitzø
why is it fixing all my words as i type them

Loona
😇

Blitzø
what the ACTUAL FUCK

Loona
isn’t that better though?

Blitzø
NO ITS NOT
I TYPE LIKE A FUCKING NARC NOW
HOW DO I TURN IT OF?

Loona
nope

Blitzø
YOU CAN'T DO HIS TO ME

Loona
sorry not sorry. it was necessary.

Blitzø
PLEASE LOONY
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PEACE PLEASE PLEASE

Loona
nah stolas keeps sending me screenshots of your texts asking me what you’re saying, i had to throw the poor guy a bone

Blitzø
its like you cut my balls off

Loona
you’ll thank me someday

Blitzø
that’s my ducking line

Loona
lol 🦆

Blitzø
fuck

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

4:18 PM

Blitzø
you still going to stop by the office after work?

Stolas
Yes sorry! We had a sudden influx of customers but I’m on my way now.

Blitzø
just checking

Stolas
So are you going to tell me where on Earth we’re going?

Blitzø
is a surprise

Stolas
Ooh how tantalizing! I do always enjoy your surprises, Blitzy.
Do I need to wear anything special for this surprise? I don’t have anything particularly sexy unfortunately. I guess I could go without wearing a certain something…

Blitzø
uhh
this isn’t that kind of place

Stolas
Oh shit sorry. Just trying to read the mood.
Nevermind you can ignore me.

Blitzø
no no maybe
you should do that

Stolas
Mmm okay, if you’re sure!

Blitzø
actually its not a request
your not allowed to wear anything under your clothes tonight

Stolas
Yes, Blitzy.

Blitzø
but like fyi we’re going camping

Stolas
Oh.

Text conversation with
Loona 🐺

4:30 PM

Stolas I don’t know what you said to Blitz about his spelling but THANK YOU!

Loona
lol it’s whatever

Stolas Can I pick you up some books as a thank you? I am sorry for stealing your copy of A Court of Demons and Daydreams, would you like the sequel?

Loona
i guess

Stolas Done! 😊

Today

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Text conversation with
Via 🐣

9:02 PM

Stolas
Message not delivered

I would love to take you to see the stars on earth properly sometime. You should see where I am right now, the picture doesn’t even do it justice. I never knew space could look so beautiful from afar. Hope you’re doing alright, I love you and I miss you, my starfire. Message not delivered

Today

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hotells neer me

Last minute hotel tips?

Hope this is okay, I'm using a new account just to post here because I really want to discuss things that are not safe for places of employment.

My dom and I have unexpectedly found ourselves with a hotel room for tonight and I realized this could be a great opportunity for some proper depravity. We hardly ever have time alone these days and it’s been a little while since I’ve been in the mood for something like this, but suddenly I am very in the mood. Unfortunately I no longer have any of our equipment so I don’t know if we can really go all out like we are used to. He’s usually very creative though, so I trust he might already have some ideas. But if anyone has any tips for hotels in particular that would be great!

60 LIKES • 4 COMMENTS

u/NotSoImpish• 7 points
Well you’ll have to be relatively quiet to not bother other guests. Maybe you can fashion a gag out of the sheets? They also usually have a lot of extra towels which can sort of work as a whip in a pinch.

u/alt_account_2398• 4 points
You can do a lot with your own clothing. I’m not sure if you’re okay with ruining what you have on but I always find it hot when my partner literally rips my clothes off of me.

u/ScientificArugula• 4 points
Maybe you could do some roleplay? You could pretend to be sleeping (or actually sleep if you’re tired enough!) and he could sneak in and start doing things to you as you wake up. Then he can really manhandle you and take control. Definitely talk about it first though, of course.

u/smol_pup• 3 points
Let him pin you against something else in the room. The more uncomfortable the better, especially if there’s like a desk he can bend you over.

UPDATE: Last minute hotel tips / Switching but not like that

I don’t know if people remember my post looking for suggestions earlier but the night has not really gone as expected and I’m having trouble processing the mood shift.

So my dom and I arrived at the hotel after a short drive, during which I was reading through the replies on my post and admittedly getting pretty aroused already at some of the ideas. (Thanks everyone!) When we got into the room we could definitely both feel the tension that’s been building. As I mentioned in the other post, we haven’t been together like this in awhile. I don’t even remember who moved first but pretty quickly we were locked together in a heated embrace and making out like we were starving for it. I even put his hand between my legs so he knew I was on board for a night of torturous fun, just like we used to have. He seemed to like that, and threw me down on the bed so he could stand over me. But when he was undoing his belt his eyes locked onto mine and something shifted in his expression. He used our safe word and without any other explanation went into the bathroom and locked the door behind himself.

I tried to knock and check on him but he didn’t respond. I figured maybe he just needed to get himself ready (I’ve changed a lot recently so maybe he just wasn’t as attracted to me now and needed a moment to get himself hard? Which is totally fine, I would never hold it against him!) While I waited I decided to take off all my clothes and lay on the bed, which has usually worked in the past. But when he finally came out he was still fully clothed himself, and just sat on the bed and said we needed to talk first.

He then explained that he was feeling unsure about dominating me now that our power imbalance has essentially switched. I don’t want to get into it too much here but we used to have very different social status where I was technically much higher up than him. Things have changed where that is no longer the case, and I’ve had to be very reliant on him as I adjust to this new life. I think he isn’t used to the idea of being a dom when he also has power over me outside of the bedroom too.

I told him that it really didn’t bother me and that I had never thought of myself as having any power over him before, regardless of our different status, so it doesn’t really feel any different for me. I know he would never really force me to be subservient to him outside of sex.

And then I said I knew I could trust him because I loved him.

Perhaps this was a mistake, but I had thought I had made my feelings fairly obvious even if I hadn’t come right out and said the words before now. But he seemed to freak out even more after that and went outside for a smoke. He’s been gone 40 minutes now and with each minute that passes I feel myself panicking even more.

I have a bit of a history of reading too much into our relationship, could I have done that again here? Was I misreading his signals? I had kind of interpreted tonight as a romantic date, he even took me somewhere secluded just to see the stars. I’m very emotional right now though, I’m such an idiot for always overwhelming him with my silly feelings.

193 LIKES • 70 COMMENTs

u/SinnerInLeather32• 59 points
I don’t think you should ever feel bad for telling someone you love them, I’m sorry he made you feel this way. ❤️ The way he freaked out about the possibility of taking advantage of you makes me think he cares a lot about you too. I think you’re doing the right thing by giving him space to figure it out, just make sure you don’t shut him out.

u/throwaway-ropes• 33 points
This happened to me! I used to make a lot more money than my dom but after I quit to stay home with our kids he was really hesitant to dominate me again. We ended up opening up the relationship so he could watch other people dominate me.

POST EDIT:
submitted by u/cassandra_in_cuffs

He came back! I don’t know why I thought he wouldn’t, that would leave me abandoned here haha… And he said he had something he wanted to tell me too. But the second he sat down again he popped back up and started going through the fridge until he found what I assume was a small bottle of alcohol and downed it. We’re just sitting on the bed now as he stares at the empty bottle in silence. Should I tell him to forget it for tonight? I feel so awful, what if he’s trying to amp himself up to sleep with me out of pity now? I feel I’ve really fucked it all up yet again.

u/3cats1imp• 61 points
Oh sweety. Does he have a history of struggling to open up? It sounds like he’s wrestling with something. I wouldn’t blame yourself at all! But yes, maybe it’s better to call the night off at this point.

u/Succubisexual• 50 points
Does anyone else feel like they know exactly what this guy is trying to gather up the courage to do? (Spoiler: it’s not just to have sex you)

u/ScientificArugula• 11 points
I feel like I’m there with you, this play-by-play is gripping! Please let us know what happens

POST EDIT #2:
submitted by u/cassandra_in_cuffs

Okay so I know it’s super late now but I just wanted to give all the nice people here one final update. After watching him pace around the room for awhile I asked my partner if he just wanted to go back home but he said no, he couldn’t. I thought that was kind of odd but when I pressed for more he said he wasn’t a fucking coward and I didn’t get to be the only one who said I love you.

That kind of shocked me so I asked him to clarify. Then he apologized for snapping (equally shocking) and said something about a grand romantic gay gesture and it all clicked into place. I realized all this time he had been trying to figure out the perfect way to make an impassioned confession because he thought that was what I wanted. Maybe that’s what tonight had been about all along, with the stars and the pacing and everything. He was babbling something about memorizing a poem so I kissed him to shut him up and said I didn't need any of that codswallop because he was all I ever really wanted. (Cheesy, I know! I love cheesy. And he loves actual cheese.)

From there we kind of picked up where we had left off when we had first entered the hotel room, though something in the air was different now. It was like before all of the unsaid things had been hovering around us and now they were like ropes pulling us tighter together. When things started to escalate again, he even paused to ask if he could fuck me. I was a little shocked by the formality. Of course I said yes, but also that he better not be gentle. And he was not. (I have the bite marks to prove it. I’m not used to having marks that last, what a thrill!)

Historically on our nights together we would keep going for hours. But after we both came this time, with more eye contact than I thought possible for two people with our height difference, he collapsed on top of me. I don’t think he was physically spent as much as he was emotionally. But before he passed out, he mumbled that he loved me too, in the quietest voice I’ve ever heard him use.

Every time I think about it I can feel heat blossoming everywhere from my face to between my thighs. It took a lot to get us here, but I really don’t think I’ve ever before felt loved like I do right now. Now he’s starting to stir, sometimes I swear he can smell when I start to become aroused. Thank Lucifer, I thought I was going to have to take care of things myself. Which he still might make me do, just so he can watch me come undone all for him. I guess we will see!

Thank you again everyone for keeping me sane during such a crazy night. 💜

u/SinnerInLeather32• 22 points
Aw! I'm so glad the night ended well for you two. Man, relationships are messy but they can really be a beautiful thing when it works out. I feel like you're not even reading this though, something tells me you two are going to be a bit preoccupied for the rest of tonight...

How to clean hotel room after stay?

My boyfriend and I awoke this morning to discover we had made a bit of a mess of our hotel room last night and now I’m panicking. What do people usually do in this kind of a situation? Specifically there are a lot of torn sheets, a broken lamp, scratches on the wall, dented furniture, etc. Also I think we ran the bath too long and there’s a bit of water damage on the floor. Is this normal or should we be concerned? I feel quite bad.

Oh, I just noticed he also rammed the headboard with his horns at one point and now it has some cracks. That’s probably not good, right?

6 LIKES • 8 COMMENTs

u/neatfreak4evr• 21 points
What did I just read? Listen this is way above r/CleaningTips pay grade, I don’t even want to know how that much damage even happened.

u/AllHailSatin• 28 points
Well, I hope it’s your boyfriend’s card on the room and not yours because they are going to charge you out the ass for all the damages.

Chapter Text

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

11:07 AM

Stolas Blitzzyyyyyyy
Are jobs supposed to be so boring all the time?

Blitzø
yep

Stolas
Noooooooo

Blitzø
its slow here too but that’s normal
sinners tend to lay low in the week or two leading up to extermination

Stolas
Oh, that makes sense.

Blitzø
can’t you just read the books you sell?

Stolas
I am! Still bored though.
If no one’s here why can’t I be out doing other things?

Blitzø
sorry babes that’s the deal with this work shit
even if your not actually working you still have to sit there til your brain dribbles out your ass

Stolas
How lovely.

Blitzø
maybe see if you got any new slutty little books?

Stolas
We’re always getting new books.

Blitzø
yeah but there were a few i heard of that actually sounded good

Stolas
Like?

Blitzø
hang on a sec i think i saw the cover…

Stolas
Ha!!
This is incredible.
But I’m not sure I’ve seen that one around, I would’ve definitely read it!

Blitzø
bummer
maybe this one?

Stolas
😂
Blitz these are amazing. A love story indeed!

Blitzø

you gotta read this one

Stolas
😂😂😂
I think I could’ve written that one.

Blitzø
may be you should!

Stolas
Ha! Maybe I should.
You know you are quite good at drawing.

Blitzø
i fucking know!!! no one else appreciates my sick skills

Stolas
Sigh, genius is never appreciated in its time.

Blitzø
your telling me

Stolas
Please bring these home so we can put them on the fridge.

Blitzø
the fridge??? babe were getting these fucking framed

Stolas
Yes!

Blitzø
oops apparently i need to do my fucking job now

Stolas
😢
Your talents are being wasted there.

Blitzø
right???

Person to Murder Inbox ☓

[email protected] 11:12 AM
to [email protected] ▼

Dear Mr. Blitzo,

Would it be possible to please order one murder as soon as possible? I can pay very very well.

Most sincerely,
Customer

[email protected] 11:51 AM
to [email protected] ▼

sure yeah that sounds great
we do need to know a bit more details then that. can you stop by the i.m.p. office sometime? we usually like to meet clients and here more about the job

[email protected] 12:03 PM
to [email protected] ▼

Dear Mr. Blitzo,

I’m sorry but I am very busy, I have a very busy job and it keeps me pretty busy. It’s very important. I would rather keep my identity private if that is alright. But I do have a lot of money to pay for the job.

Sincerely,
Customer

[email protected] 12:10 PM
to [email protected] ▼

yes you did mention that before about the money. which is great. the thing is we’re just not used to working with clients we don’t meet face to face. can you tell me anything else about the job? whose the target?

[email protected] 12:15 PM
to [email protected] ▼

Dear Mr. Blitzo,

Yes, of course. The target would be Altair of the Goetia. I take it you are familiar with the family? Please let me know if you can do it, I can pay very well.

Sincerely,
Customer

[email protected] 12:18 PM
to [email protected] ▼

fuck no we’re not going after a member of the goetia are you fucking insane

[email protected] 12:22 PM
to [email protected] ▼

What??? I don’t understand the issue don’t you guys just kill whoever? Like who actually cares? I told you I have money didn’t I?

[email protected] 12:30 PM
to [email protected] ▼

i dunno who the fuck you are but there is no amount of money in the world that would be worth trying to off a goetia. they would castrate us with their razor talons and piss on our corpses as we slowly bled out all over their expensive ass carpets. all while laughing in our face at the very idea we could kill one of them.

[email protected] 12:39 PM
to [email protected] ▼

Oh come on I know for a fact that just this year a Goetia was really hurt by some angelic weapons can’t you just get some of those.

[email protected] 12:51 PM
to [email protected] ▼

your a crazy person please stop messaging me

[email protected] 1:13 PM
to [email protected] ▼

I knew you would be like this, you’re just a worthless life ruining homewrecker. I should’ve known better than to think you could help me, I hope your business is as much of a failure as you are.

[email protected] 1:20 PM
to [email protected] ▼

who the fuck is this???

r/InfernalCultureChat on dreddit.com
submitted by u/goetiagirl32214

Octavia Goetia to announce engagement to Altair, son of Andrealphus

[pagesixsixsix.com]

1,723 LIKES • 2,754 COMMENTS

u/housewivesofhell• 1,587 points
Wait, isn’t he her literal cousin?

u/Sin4Funz• 1,799 points
It’s actually so impossible to keep up with the Goetia drama these days. Like first all the messy divorce stuff with Stolas and then everything with the trial?

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

3:07 PM

Stolas
There is no way Via agreed to this of her own accord.
This is my nightmare.

Blitzø
ok yeah that makes a lot of cents now
hang on i gotta show you something

Stolas
Well that’s concerning. Altair must be really awful if someone is ordering a hit on him. I think I met him like once ages ago but I don’t remember a thing about him.

Blitzø
its clearly octavia

Stolas
Who?

Blitzø
the person emailing me

Stolas
What?? No. She would never do something like that.

Blitzø
read them again
its to much of a coincidence

Stolas
But
Via would never want to kill someone!

Blitzø
maybe she’s really desperate
especially if she’s asking me of all people
pretty sure she would like me dead almost just as much

Stolas
No, that’s not true

Blitzø
i mean she’s trapped in that house with your murderous ex all day
that can’t be a good role model
i doubt octavia would’ve gone through it with it, i can kinda tell these kinds of clients

Stolas
My poor Via! You really think it’s her?

Blitzø
yep

Stolas
Oh my Lucifer.
She must feel so scared and trapped if she thought this was her only option.
We have to do something, Stella can’t be allowed to do this. And I have no way to reach Via, she still has me blocked on everything.
Maybe I can talk to Stella.

Blitzø
you can’t be fucking serious

Stolas
I have to do something! She has no one else to stand up for her. I would go down there myself but you remember how that went last time.

Blitzø
i know i know
its alright we can figure it out

Stolas
How? Oh Blitz, how could I let this happen? I’m the worst father in all of hell.

Blitzø
somehow I doubt that is even close to true

Stolas
No, it is.

Blitzø
listen
its going to be ok
lets talk when your out of work
ill leave early
we can make a plan

Blitzø
stolas?

Blitzø
actually i’m heading over there now
just hang tight ok

Stolas
Okay.

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

3:39 PM

Stolas I just heard the news about the engagement. I am so sorry if they are forcing you into this, please know that I am going to do everything I can to get you out of it. Hang in there my owlette. We will fix this. Message not delivered

Text conversation with
Stella

3:51 PM

Stolas
You can’t seriously be marrying off our daughter to Altair. Stella, you and I know what a horrible existence that is, why would you ever inflict that upon Via? If this is to get back at me please just stop. You can’t get revenge on me by sending Via off to bear that creep’s children.

Stella
lol what do you care? 🙄 You’re not a part of this family anymore 😄👋

Stolas
I’m still her father, I still love her. Even if I never see her again I’ll still love her.

Stella
omg 😂 save it Stolas no one actually cares 🥱
Listen I can’t stand to have her moping around this house every day. 😒 It’s such a downer 👎
Besides, the family has been wanting to set her up soon anyway, I’m not the only one who thinks it’s a good idea 🤔🤷‍♀️

Stolas
I know you hate me Stella but this is just cruel. You can’t do this.

Stella
lol sure I can 🤣🤣🤣

Re: Person to Murder Inbox ☓

[email protected] 5:17 PM
to [email protected] ▼

octavia

i know i’m the last person you want to hear this from but you should talk to your dad. he’s really worried after hearing the news about the engagement and will do anything it takes to help you.

just give him another chance, ok? he has never stopped caring, he talks about you every day and how much he misses you. he’s just trying his best.

i promise i’ll stay out of it, unless you need someone killed. just not a member of the goetia.

please just talk to him.

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

6:29 PM

Stolas Please answer, sweetie. Please let me help. Message not delivered

7:57 PM

Octavia
Dad?

Stolas
Via! Are you okay?
I’m so so sorry for not being there to stop this.
We’re going to help you out of it I promise.

Octavia
We?

Stolas
Me, I’m going to help you.
But yes, Blitz is here too and he wants to help.
And his daughter, Loona. Do you remember her?

Octavia
Whatever
idk what you guys can even do, Mum has gone insane

Stolas
We’ll figure something out, I won’t let them do this to you.

Octavia
I just need to get out of here but I don’t have anywhere to go
Everyone that I know, Mum knows too

Stolas
Okay, coming up with a plan.

Octavia
I feel so trapped I don’t know what to do

Stolas
Is your mother or uncle home right now?

Octavia
I think just Mum
I don’t think I can sneak out though, they hired extra guards after your last visit

Stolas
That’s okay, hang on just a moment.

Text conversation with
M&M

9:12 PM

Blitzø hey stop sucking eachothers clits for once and pick up the phone dipshits

Moxxie
Wow, kind of rude sir

Millie
jealous??? lol 😝

Blitzø you wish

Millie
uh huh..

Blitzø not anymore!!
i’m practicing healthy boundaries like a good little boss

Moxxie
Is that what this is?

Blitzø shut up
I need you to do something for me asfap

Moxxie
You mean tomorrow, right?

Blitzø no i mean right fucking now

Millie
I already told you I’m not giving you our sinsflix password

Blitzø can you guys shut up this is actually important
its for stolas
we need to you sneak into his old house and help octavia escape
then bring her here without anyone seeing

Millie
wow ok you ain’t kidding

Blitzø we would go ourselves but last time i think it just made things worse and now they put up wards against portals
plus i think this calls for some covert ops and less people is probably stealthier

Moxxie
Okay we’re in

Blitzø lol i new i would get you with covert ops

Moxxie
Can you tell us everything you guys know about the place? Security measures, where in the house she’s located, how many people are there?

Blitzø yeah stols is getting all the info from her right now will send it over in a sec

Millie
she’s gonna come with us willingly, right? 👀 this is definitely not a kidnapping?

Blitzø no she reached out to him
its pretty serious

Millie
ok blitz. we’ll get her.

Blitzø thanks

Chapter Text

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

11:02 PM

Stolas This is going to sound paranoid but just bear with me please.
Blitz is slightly worried this is a trap. Sorry, we just need to be extra careful. Via, dear, do you remember where I took you when you were home sick with the devil pox on your seventh birthday?

Octavia
I think it was one of Jupiter’s moons, right?

Stolas Do you remember which?

Octavia
Jasper?

Stolas Okay perfect, thank you.
That was a nice day 🙂

Octavia
Yeah

Stolas I think they’re going to be there to get you soon so be ready.

Octavia
Already packed. I’ll be by the window

Stolas Okay. I love you, princess.
Good luck, I’ll see you soon. 🩷

Octavia
You too

Text conversation with
M&M

11:05 PM

Blitzø you guys there yet?

Moxxie
Yep, going in shortly.
We’ll be off comms for a bit.

Blitzø so like your putting your phone on silent

Moxxie
Affirmative sir.

Blitzø your sure you don’t need loona’s help?
6 hellhounds is alot

Moxxie
No, I think we’ve got it, would rather keep it as just us.
Plus we know lots of hellhound tricks from Loona anyway.

Millie
we brought jerky! 😋

Blitzø ok keep me posted when your out

11:40 PM

Blitzø status report?

11:53 PM

Moxxie
We got her. Headed your way now.

Blitzø did anyone see you?

Millie
nobody who is still breathing

Blitzø ok who did you kill

Millie
just one of the hellhounds
nasty fucker got his teeth around Moxxie’s leg but I handled it

Moxxie
No other witnesses so we should be in the clear until they discover the body tomorrow.
And by then it’ll be too late.

Blitzø nice work

Moxxie
Thanks sir.

Blitzø stolas wants to know how octavia is doing

Millie
a little shook up but seems more relieved than anything

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

12:05 AM

Stolas I’m so glad it sounds like everything went alright.
Are you okay?

Octavia
Yeah

Stolas I know it’s probably too late to ask this, but are you sure you want to come here? I know I’m far from your favorite person right now. We could probably find you a hotel if it would really be upsetting to be around me.

Octavia
It’s fine Dad

Stolas It’s okay if it’s not fine though. I know I hurt you.

Octavia
Is this what it felt like?

Stolas Like what felt like?

Octavia
Is this how you felt when you had to marry Mum? Like you were just some animal to be bred?

Stolas Oh, Via.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
And well, yes. For a while.
But then we had you and suddenly things didn’t seem so dark.

Octavia
Yeah but you didn’t want to have me
You didn’t have a choice
Neither did Mum

Stolas And neither did my mother. A rather heinous tradition to pass down.
But Via, I can’t tell you how little that all seemed to matter to me the moment you were born.
Maybe it was stupid, maybe I was too caught up in the joy of being your father. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to pretend all those terrible feelings from before were just gone. Even after the misery returned, I probably would have stayed forever for you.

Octavia
If not for him

Stolas Please don’t blame Blitz. He has never once made me do anything I didn’t want to do.
I think I just heard the van pull up out front. We can talk more once you’re safely inside.

r/legaladvice on dreddit.com
submitted by u/CosmicBird

Is an arranged marriage grounds to get full custody?

My ex-wife has full custody but she is currently forcing our teenaged daughter into an arranged marriage with an older man. This is legal in our culture provided they wait until my daughter is of age, but my daughter is horrified by the very idea. (As am I, obviously.)

Do I have any grounds to sue for full custody? Does their age gap maybe give me a case, if she’s forcing our child into a relationship with an adult? Unfortunately I don’t have the means to afford any legal counsel of my own at the moment so I was just wondering if anyone here has advice? I have represented myself in court in the past so it’s not like this would be new territory.

89 LIKES • 21 COMMENTS

u/HeavenlyTesticles• 30 points
Sorry but if it’s legal in your area I’m afraid you don’t really have a case. Especially if she already has full custody, you’re really fighting an uphill battle.

Text conversation with
Stella

8:22 AM

Stella
WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE

Stolas Via? I don’t know, is she gone??

Stella
I KNOW YOU'RE BEHIND THIS YOU SPINELESS DEADBEAT CUCK

Stolas I still have no idea what you’re talking about but if Via is missing I’m very concerned with your ability to handle being a single parent.

Stella
YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD 💀 WHEN I FIND YOU
DID YOU KILL THE GUARD TOO? WHAT YOU’RE DOING MURDER NOW?

Stolas I know there’s a storied history behind women being called hysterical in times of panic so I am just going to give you some space during what sounds like a very stressful episode.

Stella
WHEN I FIND YOU JUST KNOW THAT IT WILL BE THE LAST TIME YOU SEE YOUR DAUGHTER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LONELY PATHETIC LIFE Message not delivered

Sinstagram direct message with
@gothchk17

9:46 AM

Loona just hold down the knob as you twist it until you hear it click a few times. then wait a few seconds for the gas to ignite. once there’s a flame let go of the knob and wait for the water in the kettle to boil
or just wait til i'm home from work and i can show you

Octavia
Got it, thanks

Octavia
It’s making a horrible whistling sound, now what?

Loona that means it’s ready. turn the knob until the flame goes off so you don’t burn the apartment down lol

Octavia
That can happen? I’m just making tea

Loona if you followed my instructions you’ll be fine. just let me know if you smell anything weird like rotten eggs

Octavia
I think the milk in the fridge is rotten

Loona oh yeah don’t drink that. i think blitz is stopping by the store after work today. if you want him to pick anything up you can let me know

Octavia
Do you think he could get some chamomile?

Loona what’s that a tea? yeah no problem. as long as it’s not wildly expensive like the stuff your dad likes to eat
do you like rats btw? we’ve been getting those a lot now, even the organic ones are pretty cheap thankfully. and they’re kinda tasty tbh

Octavia
Yeah. He doesn’t really need to get anything fancy for me, I can figure my own stuff out

Loona its nbd, he wants to i think

Octavia
Why?

Loona he secretly loves taking care of people, that fucking freak. he’s been killing himself trying to cheer up your dad these last few months. i think it’s working though? idk, obviously your dad is doing better here than he was back at your place but it was a rough adjustment

Octavia
Why “obviously”? There is nothing wrong with our house, it’s a really nice house actually

Loona sorry that’s not what i meant

Octavia
Yeah you meant because he was stuck there taking care of me

Loona that is NOT what i meant
fuck i’m just making things worse. pretend we never talked about this

Octavia
Sorry
I didn’t mean to be a bitch. I’m just kind of pissed at everyone in my life right now

Loona its fine, i know you’ve just been through a lot of shit

Octavia
I guess
But I am sorry for unloading on you

Loona i literally don’t care. you can let me know anytime you need to vent, like for real. no judgement.

Octavia
Okay. Thanks.

Text conversation with
blitz

10:26 AM

Loona hey can you get some chamomile tea for via while you’re out today?

Blitzø
sure
did you talk to her? how’s she doing?

Loona idk i think it’s going to be an adjustment

Blitzø
i’m gonna drop the groceries off and just head back to the office
easier for me to just sleep here

Loona k

Sinstagram direct message with
@gothchk17

1:13 PM

Octavia
Did you scribble out your dad’s face in all these pics on your walls? Lol my parents would kill me if I did that at home.

Loona nah that was him

Octavia
What? Why?

Loona because he needs therapy 😑

Today

V Search
how to fit 4 ppl in a 1 bedrom apartmint

V Search
whear best to sleep in offise

V Search
cumfortble psosition to sleep n offise chair

V Search
yoga fir back pain

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

6:45 PM

Stolas Blitzyyyyyy

Blitzø
what

Stolas Please come home. It’s been almost a week, this is silly.

Blitzø
its not silly its fucking practical

Stolas Yes but I miss you. And it’s weird being in your apartment without you!

Blitzø
i can swing by the store tomorrow to say hi
we can check to see if they have any of those new fucky books

Stolas That’s not the same thing. I just wish you were here.

Blitzø
yeah well via definitely does not

Stolas She’s never going to come around on you if you avoid her forever.

Blitzø
she’s never going to come around on me either way
stols its fine
i’m still amazed my own daughter puts up with sharing an apartment with me

Stolas They’re not even here right now, they went to one of Loona’s friend’s to listen to some new album I think.
You could at least come over for a bit. We could take advantage of having the apartment to ourselves…

Blitzø
and risk being there when they get home? no fucking way.

Stolas Aw 🙁

7:20 PM

Stolas Is it okay if I borrow one of your sweatshirts? It’s surprisingly cold tonight.

Blitzø
sure but which one? do any even fit?

Stolas This one okay?

Blitzø
uh
yeah that’s fine

Stolas Thank you!

Blitzø
so your just like
hanging out there by yourself
looking like that

Stolas Yes, I’m apparently in my horse girl era. 🦄

Blitzø
and everyone else is out for the night

Stolas Yes…

Blitzø
i can’t come over
its too risky

Stolas Yes I know, you said that darling.

Blitzø
but I can tell you
if i was over there
just what i would do to you in that sweatshirt

Stolas Oh?

Blitzø
i mean obviously you can lose the fucking pants
and anything else besides the sweatshirt
if i were there, of course

Stolas Of course. If you were here.

Blitzø
yeah
if i were there you would already be laying facedown on that couch
no face up actually
me straddling you, claws under your sweatshirt
and between your legs
i bet you’d be so wet already
it would be so easy for me

Stolas Blitzy
Shit I can’t do this here.

Blitzø
go into the bathroom
lock the door

Stolas Okay

Blitzø
are you in there?

Stolas Yes...

Blitzø
check the bottom shelf inside the cabinet

Stolas Ooooh treasure!

Blitzø
why don’t you pick one of those out for yourself

Stolas Done!

Blitzø
which one did you pick?

Stolas Pink 🩷

Blitzø
lol i knew you would pick the biggest one
you were always a greedy fucker
i think your going to regret that though

Stolas I don
don’t think so. It’s already half inside.

Blitzø
excuse me? did i say you could fucking start?

Stolas Oh, oops...

Blitzø
out. NOW.

Stolas Okay.

Blitzø
clean it off
with your mouth

Stolas Yes, Blitzy.

Blitzø
and i guess you can touch yourself a bit
if you promise to be good now

Stolas Yes.

Blitzø
no need to be gentle
you know I wouldn’t be

Stolas Yes.

Blitzø
how’s your mouth?

Stolas You’re right
It is rather big

Blitzø
maybe too big for you to handle tonight
maybe we should call it here just to be safe

Stolas No no
It’s okay. I can take it.
I think I’m ready for it. If you’ll allow me to.

Blitzø
all right
take it out of your mouth
put it on down on the ground with the tip facing up
and then lower yourself slowly
drive it all the way into your slutty bird cunt
till you can feel every inch of it inside you
and keep it like that

Blitzø
how does it feel

Stolas F
Full
Can I move now

Blitzø
no
take a pic
but don’t send it now
i want you to show it to me later
i want to see your face when you show me

Blitzø
did you do it

Stolas Yes

Stolas Blitzy
I need too
To move

Blitzø
your getting greedy again
i can picture you squirming there
maybe ill just leave you impaled like this
i could get some work done while you’re just
waiting
panting

Stolas BLITZ

Blitzø
hey now
did i say you could talk back?

Stolas Please

Blitzø
hmm

Stolas Please

Blitzø
one more

Stolas Please

Blitzø
ok fine
but slow at first
move so its almost all the way out
and then slowly back in
all the way

Blitzø
are you doing it

Stolas Yes

Blitzø
remember to take it slow
that’s what I would do
drawing my cock out of you all the way
til just the tip is touching your opening
then slowly
patently
sliding it back in
inch by inch
listening to how wet you are
as I drive my dick in
and just when it reaches that spot
you know the one
the spot that makes you whimper like the hottest little bitch
just grazing it once and pulling out again
just as slow

Stolas I

Blitzø
you better be listening to me

Stolas Allways

Blitzø
good
pick up the pace now
hard
and fast

Stolas Yes

Blitzø
keep going
drive it in as deep as you can

Stolas Yy

Blitzø
no breaks
run your hole ragged
see how long you can take it
how long you can last

Stolas Blitzzy

Blitzø
cum for me baby
scream for me

Stolas B

Blitzø
fuck

Stolas Oh fuck

Stolas Blitz
Fuck I lost control
Shit
I think I was really loud
I hope no one was home

Blitzø
shhhhhh
its ok you did so good
your so fucking incredible
i bet you look so pretty right now all flushed and spent

Stolas Did you finish too?

Stolas Blitz?

Blitzø
fuck sorry
just cleaning up
made a bit of a mess

Stolas Wish I was there to help you clean it up.

Blitzø
how do you feel? you ok?

Stolas Oh yes. I feel unraveled. In the best possible way.
Thank you, Blitzy.

Blitzø
no problem

Stolas I love you.

Blitzø
yeah you fucking do
😏
and like
you know

Stolas Know what?

Blitzø
cmon you know

Stolas You’re going to have to help me out here.

Blitzø
that me too

Stolas ?

Blitzø
i fucking
i love you too

Stolas ❤️
Yes I do know. But it means a lot when you say it.

Blitzø
i know
its just still so fucking hard
i’m awful at this shit

Stolas I don’t think you are. I think the fact that you want to say it is everything.
No one is home yet by the way.

Blitzø
k good call you back in a sec

Chapter Text

Text conversation with
Loona 🐺

2:32 PM

Stolas Hi Loona, could I ask for your thoughts on something?
I would like to do something special with Via this weekend since things have been so stressful for her lately. Something just her and I would be nice. But I’m afraid the last time we had a father daughter day I kind of blew it by picking something she hasn’t liked in years.
So, just wondering if you have any ideas for things she might like these days? I know she loves astronomy but unfortunately I don’t have access to Earth’s starsystem anymore. I’ve also heard her practicing her guitar a bit lately, maybe something with that?

Stolas Sorry if this is annoying, she just seems to look up to you and I thought maybe you have a better idea of what she would like.

Stolas No worries if you’re busy right now.

Stolas It’s not like a big deal. It was just a thought.

3:43 PM

Loona
she really likes bunnicula
they’re playing in imp city this weekend I think

Stolas That sounds perfect! Yes I will look into it immediately. Thank you so much!

4:01 PM

Stolas So sorry to bother you again. I had no idea tickets to see a rock concert were so… valuable.
You don’t happen to know of anywhere I can get them for less than a small fortune?

Loona
idk

Loona
i can ask tex though

4:38 PM

Loona

Stolas Are these actual tickets!?

Loona
yup

Stolas You’re serious? Oh my!
How much do I owe you?

Loona
nothing it’s fine
tex has a friend who works security at the venue so he just get them comp

Stolas That is too kind.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you or Tex or Tex’s friend as a thank you.

Loona
show is saturday btw
did you check with blitz?

Stolas I told him I was hoping to do something just myself and Via. I’m afraid last time I tried to do something for her I may have brought Blitz along and that… did not help things.

Loona
k

Stolas Thank you again! 🙂

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

4:55 PM

Stolas Hello my dear owlette! If you are not already busy this Saturday I thought it might be nice to have a father daughter day? It’s alright if you would just prefer if I gave you space, but I did get some concert tickets if you would like to accompany me.

Octavia
No thanks. I’m not really into opera, sorry.

Stolas Oh! Sorry I didn’t specify, they are for a band Bunnicula.

Octavia
WHAT

Stolas Loona said you like them?

Octavia
YES
PLEASE
OMG

Stolas Great! Oh I can’t wait, it should be so fun!

Octavia
I don’t have anything to wear!!! Can we go shopping beforehand?

Stolas Of course! ☺️

r/Bunnicula on dreddit.com
submitted by u/CosmicBird

Concert etiquette for father of a fan?

I got two tickets to a Bunnicula show this weekend to take my daughter, but I’m afraid I don’t know what to expect at the concert or how to properly prepare. Is there anything I should know in advance? What should I do there? Please, any advice you have would be much appreciated, I want to make this a really special day for her.

335 LIKES • 24 COMMENTS

u/cemetarian123• 40 points
Aw this is sweet. 🖤 You should give their latest album Grave Snack a listen before you go! Especially “The Life of Morticia”, it’s their big song from it and pretty easy to learn some of the lyrics to.

u/Sinners_R_Winners• 28 points
If you guys are planning outfits you could also do some like temporary hair dye? If you're comfortable with that? A lot of fans will do a streak of blue to match Ravonna (the lead singer) since it’s her signature look.

Text conversation with
blitz

6:23 PM

Loona you’re missing a real party over here

Blitzø
what do you mean?

Loona

you’re welcome

Blitzø
HOLY FUCKING SATANS GLORIOUS ASSHOLE

Loona thought you would appreciate that lol

Blitzø
how is he both so fuckable and so cute at the same time

Loona ew

Blitzø
sorry sweaty
thank you for the pic
have i told you how your the greatest most perfect most special beautiful wonderful daughter ever???

Loona whatever
hbd

Blitzø
🥹🥹🥹

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

8:10 PM

Stolas Just a heads up this line is quite long so it might be awhile.

Octavia
Ok I don’t think they go on for at least half hour

Stolas It does look like they still have the purple tee shirt in your size though! Hopefully it’s still there by the time I get to the front.

Octavia
Sweet

Stolas I am getting some dirty looks from people though…

Octavia
You mean like they recognize you?
Crap do you think word will get back to Mum and Uncle Andre? Can they find us here??

Stolas I doubt it, Via dear. Even if the gossip sites report on our location it won’t get out until the show is over and we’re long gone from here.
It’ll probably just anger your mother, but what’s the worst she can do if she doesn’t know where we’re staying? Text me a bunch of vitriol that I’ll never read after having blocked her?

Octavia
You blocked Mum!??

Stolas Yes, I’m sorry, I know it’s childish but I’m just so tired. I know you love your mother so I won’t blather on to you, but this is what I need right now.
If it’s alright, I’d rather not talk about her too much tonight. I really just want to enjoy the show with you and forget everything else.

Octavia
Ok
Are people still staring at you?

Stolas Yes! It’s really hard to lay low when you’re over nine feet tall.
I had hoped perhaps they wouldn’t recognize me with the blue streak of feathers.

Octavia
It probably just makes you look like you’re going through some kind of mid-life crisis like humans have

Stolas Oh lords I hope I haven’t reached mid-life already.
Well the blue looks great on you at least!

Octavia
Really? I kinda thought it would look cool if I kept it. But it probably draws attention to what a bird’s nest my feathers always are

Stolas What! Your feathers are lovely, whoever told you otherwise?

Octavia
Thanks but they really aren’t

Stolas I suppose we can agree to disagree then.
Do you know which songs Bunnicula will play tonight by the way?

Octavia
No, I like being surprised so I didn’t look up the setlist

Stolas I hope they play Screaming Meanies.

Octavia
I can’t believe you actually listened to the whole album

Stolas Their stuff isn’t bad, Ravonna has an exceptional voice!

Octavia
Obviously
And yes, I think that one’s kind of a staple of the live shows so they’ll almost definitely play it

Stolas Splendid!

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

8:18 PM

Octavia

You aware of this?

Stolas No! What!?
No no no no no

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

8:20 PM

Stolas Is it your birthday today!?

Blitzø
oh yeah baby

Stolas No! I can’t believe I had no idea I am actually the most awful dreadful boyfriend ever.
This is bad. I am so ashamed. Blitzy please know I am so so so so sorry for missing it.

Blitzø
what? lol its just a fuckass bday

Stolas No it’s not, it’s my dearest’s birthday! I should have known, oh I feel terrible!

Blitzø
its like really fine
you have that thing with via tonight
and i really don’t give a flying fuck about my birthday

Stolas But I do! 😭
I’m going to make it up to you I promise!

Blitzø
oh wait i like the sound of that
yes actually i am very very sad i am actually crying as i type this
your going to have to work very hard to make it up to me and my dick later

Stolas No I mean something like
Well yes we can definitely do that.
But I want to do something special! Like a date something, like when you took me to see the stars.

Blitzø
oh yeah cause that went so fucking great

Stolas I had a wonderful night! And so did you if I remember correctly...

Blitzø
ok well that part was good
really fucking good
but i’m serious you don’t have to make it up to me i don’t work like that

Stolas I know you don’t, Blitzy. But I want to do something special because I love you.

Blitzø
ok fine
just like surprise me with something idk

Stolas Okay! That I can definitely do.
I’m sorry again. Happy birthday ❤️

Blitzø
thanks lol
❤️

Stolas 😮

Blitzø
stfu

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

8:39 PM

Octavia
Is the line moving yet? Did you get the shirt?
Do you think you could drop it off with me before you head out?

Stolas Head out?

Octavia
To the birthday dinner thing

Stolas What? I’m staying here.
With you.

Octavia
Seriously?
Isn’t he mad?

Stolas Blitz? No, not at all. He knows how important our father daughter day is.

Octavia
Oh ok

Octavia
Did you get him a gift?

Stolas No 😭
Maybe I can think of something to get here?

Octavia
What does he like?
Please don’t say a sex thing

Stolas What! No.
He likes guns and horses and family and murdering and drawing and what he calls “being a boss bitch”.

Octavia
Uh idk if they have any of that stuff here
Maybe a new sweatshirt since you're always wearing his now?

Stolas That’s a great idea!
Oh and they have a mug! He loves those.
It says “Prettiest Girl in the Morgue”

Octavia
There you go.

8:52 PM

Stolas Heading back over with everything now! And just in time, it sounds like!

r/Cooking on dreddit.com
submitted by u/CosmicBird

Picnic date food ideas?

I’m currently panicking because I didn’t do anything for my boyfriend’s birthday! (I didn’t even know it was his birthday! I know, I know, worst bf ever.) I was thinking about an impromptu picnic to make it up to him, maybe something homemade since he’s always cooking for me. The problem is, I’ve never cooked before! Is there anything super easy that’s almost impossible to fuck up I could make? He’s an imp, not sure if that matters.

125 LIKES • 33 COMMENTS

u/GreatHellishBakeOff• 27 points
Well the good news is imps will eat just about anything. Maybe make like a macaroni salad? Here’s a recipe I like.

u/BurgerTime123• 11 points
The answer you are looking for is a charcuterie board.

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

10:47 AM

Stolas Can you come over the apartment around noon today for a belated birthday surprise?

Blitzø
anyone else around?

Stolas Not today! We’ll have the place to ourselves.

Blitzø
sure

11:45 AM

Stolas

Blitzø
for fucks sake
you gotta be kidding me with this cute shit

Stolas 🙁

Blitzø
no fuck i mean like
i mean i fucking love it you adorable little assclown

Stolas 😄

Blitzø
be there in 10

Today

V Search
can u dye from bad macronee sallad

V Search
can u hav sex on fyre eskape

Chapter Text

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

9:17 PM

Stolas Any chance you know how to get mustard stains out of fabric?

Blitzø
your asking the wrong imp

Stolas
Shit okay, I’ll figure something out. You have other blankets, right?

Blitzø
wait it got on my horsie blanket?
😩😩😩

Stolas
I’m sorry! I’m afraid the macaroni salad was a bit of a disaster all around.

Blitzø
yeah but the meat board was sick as hell

Stolas
Oh I’m so glad!

Blitzø
yeah the hole thing was really fucking nice. thanks again

Stolas
It was my pleasure 🙂

Blitzø
hell yeah it was
honestly kind of surprised the only stains on the blanket are from mustard

Stolas
They were not.
But I got the others out.

Blitzø
lol nice
but also not nice thats my favorite blanket
hows the apartment hunt going?

Stolas
Oh no, now you want me out! I promise I will fix the blanket!

Blitzø
i’m fucking with you stols
but also like seriously hows it going?

Stolas
Dreadful.
I really want to find a two bedroom so Octavia can have her own space but the prices in this city are unfathomable. I’ve saved up what I thought was a decent amount working at the bookshop but apparently that’s laughable in this area.

Blitzø
your telling me
why do you think we have a 1 bedroom?

Stolas
Yes, I fear we might have to go the same route. I hate how long this is taking, you shouldn’t be displaced from your own home that you pay for. I never understood before what a burden it was just to afford housing.

Blitzø
stolas i told you its totally fucking fine
the office is actually really goddamn cozy now that it has this sweet new bean bag chair
your all just jealous bitches because i have my own place and you have one bathroom to share between three people
one of which i know takes forty fucking minutes in there every morning
and the girls take awhile too

Stolas
But I miss you cooking for me!

Blitzø
L O FUCKING L
no you don’t

Stolas
😢

Blitzø
are the girls still out btw?

Stolas
Yes, I think there was some kind of karaoke night they were headed off to.

Blitzø
cool
so

Stolas
Blitz...

Blitzø
what
your not still sore from earlier
we both know you can power through a bit of pain

Stolas
Blitzy

Blitzø
yeah yeah i know
ill just get myself off its fine

Blitzø
stols?
hellooooo

Blitzø
i bet my spiky ass your picking something out from that bathroom cabinet right now

Stolas
Blitzy! Do you have cameras here, my lovely little voyeur?

Blitzø
no i just know you that well
the silence was giving horny

Stolas
Who, me?

Blitzø
k but seriously what did you pick out

Stolas
Does this red and black one actually have dual vibrations?

Blitzø
oh fuck yes

Stolas
Indeed...

Stolas
Please just let me know when I can start, darling.

Blitzø
are you naked?

Stolas
Yes.

Blitzø
hot
i wish you were here
standing in my office naked

Stolas
Ooh yes

Blitzø
waiting patently as i look at you
circling you
letting my hands wander
raking my fingers through your feathers

Stolas
Oh

Blitzø
you can start btw
but fingers only

Stolas
Yes Blitzy

Blitzø
i bet you would shiver the more i touch you
maybe pinching my fingers to pull out a couple of feathers as i went
just to here your little squeal in surprise

Stolas
Would you be naked too?

Blitzø
no
i’ve got everything from boots to jacket on
i’m just here to admire what is mine

Stolas
Yes of course

Blitzø
sliding my hand in between your legs
cupping that bird cunt to make sure your already wet for me
hearing you swallow a gasp as i slip the first finger into your tight hole
and a second
you squeeze your thighs together
as if you still had any modesty
so i use my other hand to force you to spread your legs

Stolas
Yes

Blitzø
feeling your wet pussy clench around my fingers as they fuck into you deeper and deeper
pressing those sweet spots to make you throw your head back and breathe heavy
and when i think your ready
when your juices are running down my hand and all the way to my wrist
i go into my jacket pocket and take something out
and all of your eyes snap to attention
as you see me holding a long, thick toy
with dual vibrations

Stolas
Oh

Blitzø
i withdraw my fingers and step behind you
pushing roughly on your back so you bend at the waist
til your fluffy chest is flat on my desk
and i can see your delicious wet cunt peaking out from beneath your tail

Stolas
Yes yes

Blitzø
i push that giant fucking tail to the side
cupping your pretty ass as i do
and then lining up the vibe
and sliding it between your pussy lips
(you can do that now)
and watch it disappear inch by inch inside your greedy hole
til just the end is sticking out
i grip it and press both buttons so it roars to life inside you

Stolas
Ohh mmm

Blitzø
i can tell your already about to come
your legs are shaking like they always do when you loose control
i just stand and watch as you tremble on top of my desk
clawing and gasping as you reach heaven or the cosmos or wherever the fuck you go to when you come so hard you cant breathe

Stolas
Yes blitzy yes yess

Blitzø
good birdie

Stolas
Ah

Blitzø
and now
as you lay there trying to catch your breath
i move around to stand behind you again
and reach up to grab the vibe
and turn it up three more levels

Stolas
BLITZ!!

Blitzø
do it

Stolas
Ok

Blitzø
thats my good little slut

Blitzø
so your still lying bent over my desk
legs already shaking again still week from your first organism

Stolas
I think
you mean orgasm

Blitzø
no more fucking talking
i smack your ass to remind you who the boss is in this room
and then pull you up from the desk to face me but your legs immediately give out
you kneel on the floor
looking up at me now as the toy continues wrecking your hole
i can tell your getting desperate
but when you open your mouth to beg
i unzip my pants and grab my hard red cock thats been waiting all this time
and shove it without warning into your whore beak
you let out a muffled squawk in surprise but are powerless to stop me
plus you know this is what you fucking want
both your holes filled with no escape
ok?

Stolas
Yes
Use me up Blitzy

Blitzø
good
i start to fuck your mouth slowly at first but quickly loose control
as the feeling of your tongue pushing against my cock takes over my body
i grip the feathers on the back of your head and my hips snap forward
forcing my dick in as far as it will go
driving it down your hot throat
watching your eyes tear up as i fuck into you again and again
knowing it won’t be long now
you sob around my cock as it overwhelms you
the vibe trying to distract you from what is happening to your mouth
your unable to focus on one sensation and just submit yourself to the feeling
i know its too much for you to take now
and you cry out as you come again
trying to pull your head back but i hold you there
and release my load into your throat
you moan because you fucking love it
when i’m done i finally withdraw
watching cum spill from the sides of your mouth as you gasp for air
you collapse on the floor trying to catch your breath
then look back up at me
eyes pleading
as i finally reach down
and pull out the vibe between your legs

Stolas
Oh thank fuck
Wow
Fuck Blitz

Blitzø
ha!!!
how about THAT for some romantic ass writing
put that shit in one of your books!

Stolas
lol I don’t know about romantic but that… certainly did the trick.

Blitzø
oh yeah?? you come twice then?

Stolas
No

Blitzø
aw damn

Stolas
Three times.

Blitzø
shit!!! wow i’m that good

Stolas
Oh without a doubt.

Blitzø
always a pleasure to help my sexy bf have a good little fuck

Stolas
Aw 🥰

Blitzø
i love you

Stolas
I love you

Blitzø
ha! i said it first sucker! now whose emotionally repressed haha

Stolas
Oh Blitz
Only you could make me laugh this hard while still lying naked on your bathroom floor covered in my own cum.
I really do love you.

Blitzø
fuck your so fucking cute
go take a bath sticky feathers

Stolas
Okay! 😘

Sinstagram direct message with
@gothchk17

10:50 PM

Octavia
Wait, do we actually sound really good?

Loona that’s what i keep telling you! we have to start a band 🎸🤟

Octavia
Maybe we do!

Loona should we do one more song?

Octavia
Yes! The wait isn’t as long now I think
But what should we do?

Loona idk it’s your turn

Octavia
Maybe Screaming Meanies?

Loona still riding that post-concert high i see?

Octavia
Yes ugh I just can’t get over just how incredible they were

Loona that’s what everyone i know who went is saying
well if they tour here again i’ll have to go with you next time

Octavia
Yeah!
Though tbh going with my dad wasn’t that bad
I mean, it was embarrassing as fuck of course
But still fun. I figured he thought all my music was dumb noise but he really seemed to like it

Loona yeah he’s alright
are you still pissed at him for everything with blitz?

Octavia
Oh I don’t fucking know
Kinda yeah, but it’s whatever at this point
He said we should talk about it sometime, but we really haven’t

Loona hey did you want another drink too while I’m over here?

Octavia
Can you get me another red lemonade?
Or maybe see if they’ll make me a real drink if you order it! I want to try one of those corpse revivers

Sinstagram direct message with
@officially_altair

11:01 pm

Altair
Hello, I do not know if you are aware, but the girl you are with in this video is in fact a missing child. She was kidnapped ten days ago by her estranged father, and the rest of her family is desperate to see her returned home safely. If you have any information regarding her current whereabouts, I cannot express enough how grateful we would be. Her loved ones are worried sick and only want her to return home safe and unharmed. I am more than happy to offer generous financial compensation for your help with this matter.

Sinstagram direct message with
@gothchk17

11:06 pm

Loona fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
i think your creepy fiance saw my fucking post

Octavia
WHAT

Loona i’m so fucking sorry
i had no idea he was on SG or that they could use it to find you

Octavia
This is so bad
Wait, didn’t your post have the name of the bar in the background?

Loona fuck
fuck our tab i think we have to go NOW
meet me by the door

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

11:17 PM

Octavia
Dad we have a problem

Stolas Oh no, are you and Loona alright? Do you need a chaperone to walk back from the bar? I can be down there in five.

Octavia

Its Altair
Loona and I are on our way back now
I’m kind of freaking out
Dad, I think we’re being followed

Stolas Don’t go back to the apartment.
Have Loona take you to the I.M.P. office.
I’ll meet you there with our things and Blitz can make us a portal to somewhere they can’t find us.

Octavia
Ok

Stolas It’s going to be alright.
I’m never going to let them take you back there, my sweet starfire. Even if I have to fight them off myself.

Octavia
Thanks

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

11:20 PM

Stolas I need your help.

Blitzø
another round already? fuck i forgot your insane stamina

Stolas Something has happened. Via and I need to make a run for it.

Blitzø
shit
is everyone ok? where’s loona?

Stolas Yes, everyone is okay right now but Altair figured out where Via is. Loona’s bringing her to you at the office, I’m on my way there to meet them.
Can you make us a portal to somewhere they can’t find us?

Blitzø
yes of curse

Stolas Thank you.
Be there soon.

Text conversation with
blitz

11:25 PM

Loona hey listen so i really fucked up
i posted something with via in it to sinstagram and now her fucking family knows where she is

Blitzø
its ok loony
stolas told me
just hurry here and be safe

Loona i’m so sorry dad
i’m such a fucking idiot

Blitzø
its not your fault her family are a bunch of vicious baby dicked assholes

Blitzø
how far are you guys?

Blitzø
?

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

11:32 PM

Blitzø
have you caught up with them yet?

Stolas No but I’m moving as fast as I can.
Shit I hate not having my magic.

Blitzø
via has magic though right?

Stolas A little.
I haven’t trained her in much though.

Blitzø
still she did a pretty good job holding her own against andrelifuss
but she doesn’t know teleport spells?

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

11:35 PM

Octavia
Where are we going to stay now Dad?

Stolas I don’t know yet but you won’t be alone.
Where are you now?

Octavia
Not sure but Loona says we’re close
Can you tell Blitz her phone died?

Stolas Yes.
Any sign of Altair or his people?

Octavia
No, I haven’t seen anyone following us for a few blocks
We’re just doing like a fast walk now to not draw attention
But Loona just spotted the same car passing us for a third time

Stolas Don’t let anyone get close.
Just keep your head down and keep going.

Octavia
Ok
Shit someone is running towards us now
We’re going to make a run for it

Stolas No wait it’s me!

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

11:44 PM

Blitzø
WHAT IS FUCKING GONG ON RIGHT NOW
WHY IS NO ONE ANSWERING MY FUCKING TEXTS IF YOU DON’T ANSWER ME STOLAS I’M HEADING OUT THERE WITH A BAG OF GUNS

Stolas It’s okay it’s okay!
Sorry, I was texting Via. She says Loona’s phone died.

Blitzø
well?? whats happening???

Stolas I just caught up to them, we’re almost at the office now.

Blitzø
oh thank satan

Stolas We’re here! Just getting out of the elevator now.

Blitzø
ok i’ll start opening a portal

Sinstagram direct message with
@gothchk17

1:39 AM

Loona via i’m SO sorry
i can’t believe this happened i’m such a fucking idiot

Octavia
It’s ok, really
We all made it out just fine

Loona yeah but we wouldn’t have had to run at all if i could just have not posted something for once in my fucking life

Octavia
I mean I’ve been posting lots of stuff too without thinking! It could’ve just as easily been me

Loona i guess
it won’t happen again though

Octavia
We can just keep our stories to Top Friends only now

Loona ok

Octavia
Also can you send me that video from karaoke? Dad really wants to see it lol

Loona



you sure you’re not mad?

Octavia
Oh I’m fucking pissed. But not at you. At that fucking creep and my fucking shitty family for ruining such an awesome night

Loona ok
lemme know if you guys need anything

Octavia
Thanks

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

1:45 AM

Blitzø
well we had a good run

Stolas
Are you breaking up with me!? OVER TEXT!???

Blitzø
no i mean our cutesy little roommate sitcom life together
though it is kinda nice to have my couch back

Stolas
😢

Blitzø
how’s camping?

Stolas
Oh just lovely.
I will say it’s a bit better once you actually get the tent up.

Blitzø
i literally have no idea how you did that
i swear that fucking thing tried to throttle me

Stolas
Via read the instructions.

Blitzø
there were instructions??

Stolas
Oh, Blitz.

Blitzø
glad you guys made out ok
the apartment feels kinda empty now it’s weird i didn’t even notice how much i had gotten used to you being around like how am i supposed to read that slutty book you’re writing now?

Stolas
You’re not supposed to read that!

Blitzø
then why is it always lying open on the table?
besides, its pretty hot and pretty good inspo for new insane ways to fuck you

Stolas
Really?

Blitzø
yeah i stole a bunch of ideas for our fire escape fuck earlier

Stolas
Mmm, I did enjoy how… precarious that was.

Blitzø
i new you would

Stolas
Well maybe being apart will give me more ideas to write!

Blitzø
i guess
how long do you think you guys are going to be playing hell scouts?

Stolas
No clue.
Everything happened so fast, I think we’re just going to rest for now and start working on a plan in the morning. Via was pretty shaken up by the whole thing I think.

Blitzø
loony says she sorry again btw
she still feels so shitty about the post

Stolas
She shouldn’t! It was a very understandable mistake. And how was she to know Altair was searching that aggressively?
Via really looks up to Loona, I really don’t think she blames her.

Blitzø
ok phew i’ll pass that on
just keep me updated when you guys need a portal

Stolas
Of course.
It’s not forever. We will be okay.

Blitzø
i know.
i just wish your feather butt was back on this couch where it belongs.
blanket still smells like you btw and mustard

Stolas
I miss it there already.

Blitzø
you miss my shitty little apartment with no bed?

Stolas
Well yes! But mostly I just miss you.

Blitzø
yeah me too 😕

Chapter Text

Text conversation with
jizzaroli

7:17 PM

Fizzaroli
DUDE WTF
first u don’t invite me to your bday and then u blow me off for the monster fuck rally???

Blitzø oh fuck me
the birthday dinner thing was literally just a few of us grabbing cheesesteaks why is everyone acting like it was the fucking event of the year? its just like a dumb IMP tradition

Fizzaroli
whatvr well u better have a good excuse for tonight

Fizzaroli
i take it ur silence means u do not

Blitzø i’m fucking sorry ok! just not feeling up to it

Fizzaroli
suuuuuure 🙄
just admit u want to stay home to get ur dick sucked by the bird prince
i mean we’ve all been there i get it

Blitzø nah stolas is gone

Fizzaroli
oh fuck
wut happened? the horse thing finally push him over the edge?

Blitzø no and also fuck you
he and his daughter had to bounce yesterday
her creepy fiance guy is obsessed with tracking her down and they figure out she was staying here

Fizzaroli
shit
u ok?

Blitzø yeah ill be fine
just not in the mood to come down to lust and watch a bunch of freaks get each other off

Fizzaroli
well ozzy is gonna be busy judging the competition and i don’t really feel like going on my own
wut were u thinking about doing instead

Blitzø probably just staring off into the middle distance and feeling sorry for my pathetic simp ass

Fizzaroli
sounds like a riot
be there in an hour

Blitzø what
don’t come here

Fizzaroli
nope if ur settling in for a good self pity sesh i need a front row seat

Blitzø how about fuck no

Fizzaroli
how about tough shit bitch?
and i’m bringing snackz

Blitzø 🖕
fine
asshole

Fizzaroli
c u soon my sad little baby boy!!!

Sinstagram direct message with
@gothchk17

10:34 PM

Octavia
Cheer up dad night over here too 😓
Ugh, why are dads like this?

Loona i mean i know why OUR dads are like this

Octavia
And people call me melodramatic! It’s literally been one day, they’re this depressed just cause they can’t bang?

Loona no?

Octavia
No what?

Loona pretty sure they’re depressed because it hurts like a bitch to be apart from your person or whatever

Octavia
Oh that’s right, I forgot they’re in “love”

Loona what you think they’re full of shit?

Octavia
No, I guess if they think they’re in love it’s whatever
It’s just weird seeing my dad so miserable over it now

Loona oh this is nothing

Octavia
What do you mean?

Loona fuck i’m putting my paw in my mouth again
nevermind

Octavia
Just tell me!
I need everyone to stop treating me like a little baby nestling who can’t handle getting her precious feelings hurt

Loona ok fine
you think your dad is soooo upset now being away from blitz but that is nothing compared to how much he fell apart when YOU told him to fuck off after the fight on sinsmas
i have never seen anyone more pathetic and broken than your dad after you locked him out. and that’s saying something, my dad is fucking blitz

Octavia
I am sorry I hurt him. But I was hurt too, okay? I’ve never felt that kind of pain before in my life
I had just spent like a year begging him to pay attention to me for just one fucking second. But the only thing he cared about was screwing over my mum and hooking up with his new “secret” lover. And then I had to watch him almost die because it turns out he and his lover were doing a bunch of illegal shit!!
At that point it was pretty fucking clear the dad I knew was just a lie, it was all just a stupid game he got tired of playing once I was apparently old enough to not need him. My bad, guess I shouldn’t have thought he loved me. Definitely not as much as he loves whatever this weird kinky thing is he has with Blitz

Loona that’s not fair, that’s not the whole fucking story
and he so obviously loves you. like A LOT. i don’t think that has anything to do with blitz, you can’t pit how much someone loves you against how much they love someone else. it’s just not how love works. and that’s coming from me, someone who wouldn’t know love if it shit in my coffee

Octavia
Then how DO you know he actually cares? What makes you such an expert?

Loona it doesn’t take an expert. just look at how your dad nearly fucking died just to see you on sinsmas when he almost got iced by your freaky uncle
if anyone knows where you’re coming from it’s me. it took me literally years to see all the love that was being shoved in my face thanks to how much my heart had been fucked over in the past
and even i can tell those two are batshit crazy about each other

Octavia
You really think they’re actually in love?

Loona unfortunately yes

Octavia
idk, from what I’ve seen they’re more interested in having sex than anything else

Loona you really think your dad would be this upset over being separate from his fuck buddy? pretty sure they’re not even doing that lately since blitz has been living at the office

Octavia
They’re probably sexting or something gross

Loona so?????
none of that fucking matters, honestly i’d love to never think about our dads getting nasty ever again if i can avoid it
it doesn’t actually affect me. you know what does affect me though? whether or not blitz is happy

Octavia
Yeah well he didn’t leave you behind to be happy

Loona pretty sure your dad didn’t want to leave you
pretty sure that was just a side effect of him getting exiled from his own life after the trial

Octavia
He should’ve thought about that before he threw it all away to be with Blitz

Loona again, you are not in competition with fucking blitz (because I’m pretty sure you’d win) and besides, your dad was saving his literal life

Octavia
What!??? That is NOT what happened
Dad was there because he and Blitz were caught doing some illegal shit with his book. If he told you he was sacrificing himself to save Blitz that’s bullshit

Loona omg! via i was literally there
blitz would be a headless corpse right now if your dad hadn’t shown up and taken the heat
and you should’ve seen blitz when they dragged him out of that court room away from stolas. i’ve never heard him scream like that
it sucks no one told you all this. but you really have to try not to swallow every lie they tell you

Octavia
Why would my mum lie though? I know she has her issues but she’s still my mum

Loona i don’t really know her, but is there any chance it could have something to do with the fact that she hates your dad’s guts?
maybe she’s trying to use you against him

Octavia
You really think so?

Loona if she is it’s working
wasn’t your dad trying to call you like nonstop after the trial?

Octavia
She didn’t think it would be good for me to talk to him. It’s not like he really tried hard to talk to me before that anyway

Loona yeah well I don’t know if your mom is a much better person after she threw you to the wolves with this engagement

Octavia
Well yeah, obviously. Lucky me, turns out both my parents don’t give a shit about me!

Loona what are you even talking about? after everything your dad just did to get you to safety? after he just threw away the new life he’s been working towards to go hide in the woods?

Octavia
It’s just his guilt, he feels bad for leaving me all alone when he went to live with Blitz so he’s trying to make it up to me

Loona I think you need to talk to your dad and stop believing he’s this shitty person you’ve made up in your mind
just fucking look at them right now
you really think the WHOLE reason your dad left you was cause he just wanted to get laid?

Octavia
No, I think he left us because he hated his life
And being in love with Blitz was his way out

Loona why doesn’t your dad deserve to have a life he doesn’t hate?

Octavia
I’m a part of the life he hated

Loona or you were the only good part
and aren’t YOU happier since leaving home?

Octavia
That’s different. I had to leave to escape being married to an asshole

Loona yeah sounds real different

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

8:24 AM

Stolas Please tell me why the hell there are caterpillars on every surface here.

Blitzø
what you never had caterpillars in your garden?

Stolas Not like this! They’re everywhere, I found two in my sleeping bag when I woke up this morning.

Blitzø
lucky bugs

Stolas I squashed them Blitz.

Blitzø
but what a way to go

Stolas They bled GREEN.

Blitzø
lmao that’s sick
don’t birds eat bugs?

Stolas I beg your pardon?

Blitzø
oh that’s right i forgot your refined palette 🤌

Stolas Growing less refined by the day.

Blitzø
but not quite at eat free range caterpillar level yet?

Stolas …no.

Blitzø
you actually just considered it, didn’t you

Stolas Only a little.
Especially after what Via brought back from her walk to the gas store this morning. Sorry, I didn’t realize how good the food at your place actually was.

Blitzø
we can just portal some stuff to you

Stolas That’s sweet, but shouldn’t we try to keep the portals to a minimum to be safe?

Blitzø
yeah yeah

10:11 AM

Blitzø
maybe i should just kill altair after all

Stolas Blitz…

Blitzø
you know i could snap his hollow bird bones like a twig

Stolas Until he opens up a hellhole and you’re burned alive in magma.

Blitzø
nah
i’m a slippery bitch

Stolas Well that I can’t argue with.
But seriously don’t.

Blitzø
fine but i can dream

Stolas 😂 Okay, that is pretty convincing!

Blitzø
oh and i herd about another hot little sex book hitting the shelves btw

Stolas Now this one I very much need! 😂
Thank you for these masterpieces.

Blitzø
i miss hearing your laugh
fuck that sounded dumb it hasn’t even been two days

Stolas No! It's sweet!
I’ll call you later so you can make me laugh then. Via is sleeping in right now though.

Blitzø
how is she? loona said they sorta had a fight but she won’t tell me about what

Stolas I might know.
Via and I had a very long, very overdue talk last night. She seems really confused with how to feel about everything. Mostly about me. And you.

Blitzø
shit

Stolas I think Loona was trying to help her sort through the lies she’s been fed. But it’s not just that, I really did neglect her at the start of my relationship with you.

Blitzø
dick so good you forget you have a family?

Stolas More or less. But it’s not your fault! I was infatuated. (Still quite am...)
Obviously there are a lot of things about the start of our relationship I would fix if we did it all again.

Blitzø
i mean same i guess but who fucking cares? we got to a good place in the end right?

Stolas You and I? Yes. VERY yes. But in regards to Via and I? We’re still getting there.
But it was a really good talk last night. And a good cry. Oh Lucifer, so much crying. She’s still really hurting from me leaving her.
She kept asking why she wasn’t enough for me to stay and I didn’t have a good reason why. I’m terrible at this. But I told her I’m not going anywhere now.

Blitzø
can’t you just blame it all on your ex?

Stolas I’m learning it’s not that easy. That’s making Stella the villain just like she made me. It’s all the same in Via’s eyes, we’re both her parents and we’re both talking shit about each other to her. I didn’t realize how much damage it was doing til now.

Blitzø
fuck that’s alot
sorry i complicated shit so much with you guys

Stolas It wasn’t you! I’m very serious Blitz. I can’t tell you how dark things were for me before you came back into my life. Please know that you were the light that helped me escape that all.

Blitzø
nah, your a strong independent bird. you eventually would’ve found your way out

Stolas I really don’t think so. Thankfully I’ll never have to find out.

Blitzø
anyway it sounds like you guys had a good talk
i can’t believe i thought all my shit with loony was complicated

Stolas How did you get Loona to believe you cared about her? It doesn’t seem like it was easy.

Blitzø
by almost dying

Stolas Hmm. I already did that.

Blitzø
oh yeah

Stolas Anyway thanks for talking through this with me. Sorry for dumping all the emotions on you.

Blitzø
oh its no problem i’m actually a reeealy good therapist

Stolas Oh yeah?

Blitzø
yeah moxie def owes me like a grand from how much fucking awesome advice i’ve given him

Stolas I’m sure!

Blitzø
but really its no problem. boyfriend doodies, right?

Stolas Thanks 😘

Blitzø
❤️❤️❤️

6:51 PM

Stolas Did you ever have something called gushers on your trips to Earth?

Blitzø
uhh no
is it a sex thing? tell me that’s a sex thing
your such a gusher

Stolas Ha! No

Blitzø
k but you ARE

Stolas Well I’m not going to contest that.

Blitzø
🌊🌊🌊
k but seriously wtf are they

Stolas Food I think? Via and I assumed it was like a nutritious fruit pod so she picked some up for dinner.
But unfortunately they’re more like little gummy sugar morsels.
Anyway I’m quite hungry now.
I may take you up on the food portal offer.

Blitzø
wait aren’t you in the woods?

Stolas What’s in the woods?

Blitzø
like half those animals you told me you like to eat

Stolas Really?

Blitzø
yeah like fucking vole or whatever

Stolas What a great idea! I should just go find some!
I can be self sufficient this is wonderful.

Blitzø
there ya go

7:25 PM

Stolas Does the mortal realm have more than four seasons?

Blitzø
how the fuck should i know?

Stolas Isn’t it like your job to go to Earth?

Blitzø
uh i guess

Today

V Search
does erth have 4 seezons

Blitzø
yeah looks like they have 4
why can’t you voogle this yourself?

Stolas I don’t know, maybe because I’m trying to find vole and it’s getting dark!

Blitzø
oh right

Stolas Can you voogle if vole are around during hunting?

Blitzø
during hunting?

Stolas Yeah according to all the signs that’s what season it is here.

Today

V Search
are voll around in hunting

V Search
wat is huntign seezon

V Search
wat are the 4 seezins

V Search
wat arethe 4 seasins not the hotell

Blitzø
hey so apparently hunting isn’t like 1 of the 4 seasons
its just like when humans do hunting
your not wearing orange by any chance are you?

Stolas Ew, never. Why?

Blitzø
some kind of weird earth custom
oh i think its so they can tell you aren’t prey
idk why they would think your prey, humans are so fucking stupid

Blitzø
you look nothing like a vole with all your long legs and feathers
that doesn’t sound like prey

Blitzø
hellllooooo

Blitzø
stols this is important research i’m doing over here
i’m practically an earth scholar now
why aren’t you impressed?

Blitzø
answer meeee

Text conversation with
Dad’s shitty boyfriend

9:02 PM

Blitzø
hey sorry to bug you but is your dad back yet?

Octavia No, where is he?
I’ve been waiting for him to come back to the campsite for like an hour
It’s pretty dark now, did he get lost?

Blitzø
fuck
i don’t know
he’s not answering his phone

Octavia It probably just died and he can’t find his way back
I can go look for him

Blitzø
uhh well
hang on a sec

Octavia Why?

Blitzø
um
fuck
ok don’t freak out

Octavia About what???

Blitzø
i’m slightly worried that maybe your dad might have been shot
just like a little though

Octavia WHAT
How???

Blitzø
turns out its the season on earth where they shoot animals

Octavia What does that mean? Where do they do that?

Blitzø
idk just in like the woods

Octavia Fuck! I have to go look for him

Blitzø
no you don’t
it sounds like its not safe
ill portal over to where you guys are and go out looking

Octavia Fine okay

9:43 PM

Octavia Anything?

Blitzø
yeah like fourteen spiderwebs
all of which i walked directly through
with my face

Octavia I mean did you find my dad??

Blitzø
yeah I know
not yet
just trying to like
idk lighten the mood

Octavia Gee thanks

Blitzø
thought the mental image of me getting eaten by a million spider babies might bring you joy

Octavia Finding my dad would bring me joy

Blitzø
i’m sure he’s fine

Octavia I’m not
He doesn’t have any healing or protection you know

Blitzø
yeah

Octavia That doesn’t freak you out at all?

Blitzø
of course it fucking does
and we all know who’s fault that is

Octavia Wow ok fuck you

Blitzø
wait what?

Octavia You’re such a dick

Blitzø
i know i am but literally how in this context

Octavia Because it’s obviously my fault

Blitzø
what is? that i’m a dick?

Octavia NO
That dad’s life is so shitty

Blitzø
via nobody thinks that
at least nobody i know
and definitely not your dad

Octavia Then why did he leave?

Blitzø
you know why
by now you have to know
didn’t you just talk to him about it?

Octavia He told you about that?

Blitzø
fuck
yes sorry
he was just trying to understand things
he just wants to make up for how he treated you
i know we were real awful dickbags in the beginning

Octavia You’re still kinda awful

Blitzø
true
but he’s not
or he’s trying really hard not to be

Octavia Do you think he’s dead?

Blitzø
ha! stolas? not a chance
he may be made of glass now but that stubborn fucker will not die before he’s fixed things with you

Octavia Then I guess I better not forgive him

Blitzø
i guess you better not

Octavia How have you not found him yet?

Blitzø
idk the woods are big?

Octavia Maybe stop texting me so you can look better?

Blitzø
yeah I know

10:22 PM

Octavia Anything?

Octavia Blitz?

10:36 PM

Octavia ?

Octavia If you don’t answer me in 5 I’m going out looking for you both

Blitzø
sorry! don’t do that
i’ve got him

Octavia Oh thank Lucifer

Blitzø
were heading back now

Octavia Is he okay?

Blitzø
yeah mostly
says he twisted his leg, the bad one and dropped his phone
and has been hobbling around trying to get back for hours

Octavia That’s good
Well not good but I can probably heal the leg

Blitzø
we should be there in a few

Blitzø
just found his phone, it’s was like 15 feet away lol

Octavia Of course

Text conversation with
Via 🐣

10:44 PM

Octavia
I’m glad you’re okay

Stolas I’m so sorry if I made you worry! I can’t believe how turned around I got.

Octavia
It’s fine
Just like, get back soon ok?

Stolas Yes, almost there.
Sorry I didn’t find any vole 🙁

Octavia
What?

Stolas I thought maybe if I caught some it would cheer you up

Octavia
Dad I’m fine, I don’t need you to do anything crazy to make me happy

Stolas You deserve so much better than me. I’ve given you no good reason not to hate me.

Octavia
Jeez you and Blitz really are meant to be, you’re both like the low self esteem brigade
And for the record, I don’t hate you. I was hurt when you left BECAUSE I love you. It just doesn’t feel like you love me the same. Or it didn’t

Stolas I can’t believe I let you feel like that.

Octavia
It’s fine. We don’t have to get into it again right now
I’m just glad you’re alright

Stolas I’m sorry I made you worry.

Octavia
I’m okay, weirdly Blitz helped me stay calm

Stolas Yes, he does have an uncanny ability to make a crisis feel like it’s just business as usual for him.

Octavia
yeah

Text conversation with
Dad’s shitty boyfriend

11:29 PM

Octavia


He’s doing better now

Blitzø
that’s good
thanks

Octavia Yeah well thanks for finding him

Blitzø
anytime princess

Text conversation with
Blitzy ❤️

11:32 PM

Blitzø
so your still in your horse girl era?

Stolas Nooo she sent you that pic?

Blitzø
shut up your cute
legs 😛