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Aaron can tell Robert’s uncomfortable. He doesn’t think anyone else has noticed it, the smile plastered on Robert’s face seems to be convincing enough for the other villagers. He seems engaged in the conversation Nicola and Laurel have roped him into, and he welcomes Jimmy and Tracey to the table with a handshake and a laugh.
He’s beautiful, glowing under the twinkling Christmas lights in the pub, Aaron could look at him all day.
But his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. His shoulders are stiff. His jaw clenches ever so slightly as the conversation flows, and he’s pushing the heel of his hand into his thigh to stop it from bouncing up and down. Nobody else sees it, but Aaron does.
Abandoning his half-drunk pint and the story Mackenzie’s been telling him, Aaron gets to his feet and heads over. He hears a vague “eh, okay, bye then?” from behind him, but he’ll make it up to him another time.
“Excuse me, ladies,” he says, with a smile, smoothing his hands over Robert’s shoulders as he comes to stand behind him. Jimmy raises an eyebrow at him. “And Jimmy. Can I borrow this one for a minute?”
“Ugh!” Nicola slurs, a few empty glasses in front of her. “Should’ve known we’d be back to this sooner rather than later!” Laurel pats Nicola’s arm and gently pulls her G&T out of her hand.
“Oh, leave them alone, Nicola, they’re in love!” The group of them start chattering, about them, but Aaron tunes them out, focusing on the way Robert’s muscles are relaxing under his hands. He trails one down to Robert’s arm, to tug him to his feet, and then further down to his hand, to pull him along behind him to the back room.
“What’s up?” Robert asks. Aaron takes a cursory look around the room to make sure they’re alone, and then gathers Robert up in a hug.
“I thought you might need a minute.”
It takes a second, but then Robert is sagging into Aaron’s arms and hiding his face in his shoulder. “How did you know?”
“Just a feeling.” They stand there, wrapped around each other, for a few minutes, Aaron content to let Robert pull away when he’s ready.
“I’m sorry,” Robert says, as he straightens, keeping his hands on Aaron’s waist.
“For what?” Aaron asks, eyes searching his face.
“I just… I don’t want you to feel like you always have to take care of me.”
Aaron links his arms around Robert’s waist, pulling him in even closer, eliminating any space between them. “I’m gonna say something incredibly sappy right now, and I’ll deny it if you ever tell anybody,” Aaron grins as Robert chuckles at him. “Looking after you is one of my favourite things to do. It’s not a chore. It’s a privilege. I’ll do it any chance I get.”
Aaron will never get tired of the look that comes over Robert’s face. It’s love, and incredulity, and disbelief. He leans in to kiss him and Aaron hums into it, holding on as long as possible.
After a few minutes they decide to go back into the pub, and Aaron deposits Robert at the table with Mackenzie, before collecting his near-untouched pint from Nicola’s table for him. He ignores the well-meaning jeers and plops down next to Robert, leaning into his side. Robert wraps his arm around Aaron, hand coming to rest on his hip, as Mackenzie launches back into the story he’d been telling earlier, as if he hadn’t been interrupted at all.
Aaron doesn’t take it in, too distracted by the back and forth movement of Robert’s thumb against his skin where his shirt has lifted a little.
They’re in the pub. In front of the whole village. Sitting together, being together. Aaron had been certain they would never get this again, and yet here they are. Robert is still a little tense but he’s relaxing by the second, and Aaron never wants it to end.
Robert has been opening up more over the last while, telling him and Vic more about what he went through inside, the paradoxes of not wanting to be alone or with too many people, not liking the silence or the noise. He’s explained that he’s worried about Christmas, with so much going on and the festive cheer possibly becoming too much for him. He’s worried that he’ll ruin it for everyone, he’d admitted late one night, curled up in Aaron’s bed.
Now, watching Robert laugh at Mackenzie, eyes reflecting the string lights, wrapped up in his Christmas jumper, Aaron decides that this Christmas will be perfect for Robert. He deserves it, after everything he’s gone through, and he’d do the same for Aaron. Aaron thinks back to a last minute wedding, in this very pub, thrown together for the express purpose of making Aaron feel better. They’d move mountains for each other. Christmas is no match for them.
Aaron’s already planning out the argument he’s going to have with his mum about not coming over on Christmas day, how to convince Eve to do presents on Christmas eve, how he’s going to tell the family that he’s not going to the Dingle Christmas party, the best time for Vic and Harry to come over to the apartment on the day, and then how to tell them to leave before it gets too much.
Plenty of conversations with the potential to be uncomfortable that Aaron will face over the coming days. He’s happy to do it. All he needs to have the perfect day is Robert by his side, the rest is all surplus.
Robert pinches his hip, and Aaron blinks up at him. “You’re staring,” Robert whispers, with a smile. Aaron just grins and stares at him some more.
“Happy Christmas, Robert,” he says as he leans in for a kiss.