Work Text:
There was something off with Caleb Widogast.
Molly couldn't quite place it, and it was throwing his whole day off.
Ever since that night when the group had split off for the day, joining back together to agree on stealing this artifact, had Molly noticed the heaviness of Caleb.
And in the next three days, that heaviness only grew worse.
The man was always distant with the group, staying close to Nott more than the others, but even now, he kept away from her, dragging his body like he was pulling invisible weights.
When Beau mocked him jokingly, Caleb didn't even spare her a glance. When Jester tried to make a joke regarding a shop selling "the four different bases in love." Of course, the book described them as Commitment, Trust, Respect, and Communication, but Caleb didn't even react. The world seemed muted from his senses, a barren wasteland of endless despair.
Fjord tried to talk to him about channeling magic, asking questions about whether other gods talked to him, sentient weapons. Molly wasn't sure what Caleb said, but it ended with him turning around and walking away, leaving a confused Fjord.
Molly could tell the others were worried about him, but could only press so much when they had to focus on the heist.
The man's eye bags seemed deeper than ever, and what little spark there was in his blue eyes seemed to have vanished. This Caleb was quiet. Different from the flame they knew.
Molly knew things. He spotted subtle movements other people dismissed, behaviors that are slightly off to the norm. Something obviously happened that day they left each other that shook him to his core, and clung to him like a demon. Claws deep within his skin.
To put it simply, something was wrong with Caleb Widogast, and for the first time, Molly didn't know what.
"Where is Trent studying again?" Nott had asked as she looked at the map, as others around them began to pin up guests' names on a wooden board. "I want to get as close as I can with the sewers when I have to sneak in."
Molly looked over from where he was studying the escape route path to see Caleb and Nott standing together.
"Caleb?" Nott asked, looking over to the man as he stared absent-mindedly at the unknown space between the two.
"Caleb," she said again, tugging on his coat as the man finally broke from his gaze, looking over to her.
"Sorry—Ja?"
"Where is Ikathon's office again?"
He blinked a few times again as if waking up from a dream. "Oh." Caleb placed his hand on a section of the map. "Here. It shouldn't be heavily guarded with the gala going on, so you should be able to sneak your way in through the window without being noticed." He pointed. "Just watch out for traps, knowing Trent...there will be many."
"Are you alright?" Nott asked quietly.
"Ja, ja. Didn't get good sleep last night."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm alright Nott." He muttered, a weak smile spreading across his face, though his eyes told another story.
"But..."
"I will be ready for tomorrow. I assure you that. I just need to clear my head." And with that, the man turned around to walk out of the room.
Molly locked eyes with the globin women, and he could read her like a hawk.
There was worry in them, but something else, something deep in those eyes, reminded Molly of a distant yet familiar past. Of people singing and dancing, of other children playing, of screaming and yelling. There was a child's innocence to these memories that buried the reality deeper into his memory.
Those same eyes in Nott held the gaze of many others Molly had seen. That of a parent, a child, a sibling, a lover, a mentor, a soulmate, words that went beyond labels of love, but a deep bond that would stretch to the infinite.
Molly couldn't sleep. Restless nights were something Molly knew quite well, but it seemed they were getting more and more common with every rise and fall of the moon.
His own thoughts were rabid like a dog with the bloodied portrait of himself from a few days ago. Or of Lucien? It terrified Molly more than he let on. The past was supposed to stay in the past, but how could it when reminders kept popping up everywhere? First Cree, now this bloodied ritual of himself. Molly hated the questions it brought up.
Was he sacrificed? Worshiped as a God? Killed or helped kill? How much of himself, his body—mind, was his own, and how much was a figment of the past?
The teifling groaned, covering his face with his hands as the walls of the house The Gentleman had provided creaked. He wished Gustav were here; he missed him. Gods, he missed him. Molly missed the circus, his friends, and family, taken away from him. It wasn't fair.
He turned to his side, frowning when he saw a faint glow from underneath the door. That was odd. Molly turned to look around the room where everyone was sleeping, but Molly had a sinking feeling he knew who was up, and the empty bedroll of Caleb Widogast proved it.
So, Molly crept outside through the hallway until he entered the dark living room only being illuminated by a fireplace where a familiar wizard was standing too close for comfort at the flames, back facing Molly.
"Mind if I join you?" Molly smirked, leaning against the doorframe. Sleep seems to be in a tango with me and taking the lead, seems to be in the same battle with you as well love.
No answer.
Something didn't feel right.
Molly pushed himself forward, and as he got closer, he could see one of Caleb's arms stretched outright, right against the flames of the fire.
"Hey!" He firmly grabbed Caleb's shoulder, wrenching him back as the man visibly tensed, snapping his head around. His expression shifted. Anger—fear—shock—to finally horror.
"Molly?"
"What the fuck are you doing?" Molly grabbed Caleb's exposed calloused hand, burns and minor blisters starting to form, red whipping around them like a coil. Whatever that stupid man had been thinking, luckily, he had to have just stuck his hand in fire to not cause permanent damage.
He looked up to Caleb's face to see the man, eyes wide but distant as if they were stuck on some loop in the past.
"Oi." Molly slightly slapped Caleb's cheek. "Hey. I need you to be present. No running off inside your mind, alright?"
The man visibly tensed again, eyes blinked, focusing on Molly.
"You're obviously kot okay. You've been off for a few days, and now you're burning your hand? I know you're a fire wizard and all. But you're not immune to fire."
Caleb frowned, almost looking confused at Molly's comments, before clarity struck him all at once."I am...sorry."
"We can't work as a team if you won't talk. We need you and your hands for this to work. You don't need to spill everything, but you need to talk." Molly muttered.
Caleb took a shaking breath, and it was only then that Molly noticed how his hand was trembling in his hold.
"Im not..." Molly sighed. "I'm not mad Caleb...I walked in on you sticking your hand in the fire. You've been off for the past few days, and it..worried me. You worry me. Let me help you. Can you feel your hand?"
Caleb stayed silent, but Molly caught a slight nod of his head. Good. It means there was a low chance of nerve damage. He looked around the dimly lit room before spotting two chairs near the table that was filled with maps and papers. He quickly let go of Caleb, fingers lingering a moment longer as he grabbed the chairs, bringing them closer to the fireplace, both men sitting down in their respective chairs.
It was jarring to see Caleb this silent or small. The only other moment was back in the abandoned cabin after Caleb had burned the other halfing Volstrucker women alive and thus passed out.
Maybe it started there? Or maybe it started years before. And the brief moments he saw Caleb laugh and smile were the true man beneath all this pain and suffering.
"This is a fucked up family, but what I learned at the circus is you don't need blood to be related to be a family. We're all we have. I can lend an ear. Or more if you prefer." Molly hummed as he pulled out an old healing salve from the circus, gifted to him by a Paladin apart of the Evergreen Circle of Public Health many moons ago before carefully taking one of Caleb's wrists. With his thumb gently pressed under his palm, Molly could hear the rapid heartbeat of the man in front of him pounding like the drums of a king's army.
"I will promise you, though, that nothing will leave my lips."
Caleb finally sucked a breath in. "Trent Ikaton and his Volstruckers will kill me. I am not making it out of this mission alive. "
"You want them to kill you?"
"They will."
"Do you want them to kill you, or are you thinking they will kill you?"
"Is there a difference?" Caleb tensed as the cold sensation hit his trembling hands, and Molly continued in sudden silence.
The only sound was faint chatter from the city outside, fire cracking, and the faint howl of wind. Now up close, Molly could see faint tear streaks down his cheeks and hear his shaky breath.
There were other faint scars on his palm as well that seemed too deliberate to have gotten them on any mission. But upon future study, they reminded Molly of some nights when he wanted to bring some fun and pain into the bedroom. Yet he doubted Caleb got them the same way. Molly still shuddered thinking about how Caleb explained the residuum experiment, and he had a feeling these scars were of the same type, to hurt, punish, and control.
Left as a reminder of the past that Caleb had to stare at every day. It's no wonder he never saw the man without gloves.
"Do you ever wonder if fire can do more than just destroy?" Caleb muttered weakly as he stared at the fireplace, sparks flickering outwards to the room. "Is there any chance for it to create? Or is it dammed to burn anything in its wake?"
Molly hesitated for a moment, looking at the sunken eyes of the man beside him as he carefully thought what he would say next. The abyss of sleep seemed to have clutched its grasped on the man as wll and made him wonder when the last time he saw Caleb sleep.
"Fire keeps us warm and provides light for one thing." He joked, but when Caleb continued to stare forward, Molly frowned. "People always fear the death card every time I pull it." Molly remarked as he continued to coat his hand. "I can see why. Others associate it with-well, death and fear, but it's more than that. Death itself is never the end of anything. It's a cycle of growth and rebirth. The card doesn't mean you're going to die, it just urges you to continue on in a cycle for yourself. Forget the past, embrace the future. It's the conclusion of a chapter in a book, but all you need to do is flip the page to start anew."
After applying the salve, he pulled out a roll of bandages, carefully wrapping his hand. "Fire burns the old, but in its wake gives room for something new to grow. Without fires, forests would be overrun by trees and plants, not giving a chance for new growth. Fire provides the tools to forge tools that help aid other advancements so on and so on."
The air hung thick with silence as Caleb stared between his hand and Molly. "And what do your cards say about me?"
Molly smirked, leaning back and reached for his cards, dancing them between air until he clasped the two smaller piles together, pulling the top card out.
Suit of Wands.
"I see a past filled with potential hopes and dreams, a fiery determination, seeds of an idea that are ready to ignite."
He flipped to another card, both men staring at it.
"A little on the nose, ja?" Caleb muttered looking at the Emperor reversed.
"The cards have a dry sense of humor sometimes." Molly chuckled. "As so your will of passion turns inwards. You try to power yourself forward through self-judgment rather than self-trust, and that burns you out instead of building you up. You have followed a life of structure that is consuming you through abusive authority. The card is encouraging you to let go of beliefs and thoughts that harm you.
Molly flicked to the next card.
Nine of Swords
"And it flows naturally here. You're holding onto all this grief and pain like a mental loop as it drowns you. You think you deserve suffering and in doing so you bring it from the universe onto yourself in a cycle of despair. Suffering is not required to be good."
Caleb was silent for a long time, staring at the cards blankly. "Do you ever...think about dying, Mollymauk?"
Ah. Now that, Molly knew.
The question took him by surprise, but for once, he finally felt confident in an answer. The conversation now held a dangerous undertone that only made his worry for the wizard grow tenfold. "I woke up in a grave. That's what that woman, Cree, was talking about." Molly sighed, watching as Caleb looked at him with shock in his eyes.
"Clawed my way out to see the moon shining above me. I was like a newborn baby fresh out of Mother Earth's womb. No clothes, no hair, no language or memory. All I could say was empty. I didn't know who I was, or what I was. My working theory is I did die....The me before Molly. This...Lucien? I have dreams of places and people that I know I never met, but I know deep in my bones that they were a part of my life. But I try not to think about it." Molly hummed. "Whoever I was is gone and dead. Molly is here to stay.
A beat. "What about you? Do you think of dying?"
Caleb's face turned into a grimace. "I died a long time ago."
"You're right. Bren did die. But Caleb is alive. And he sure as hell has a life to live."
Caleb turned to look back at the fire. "I am tired of running."
"Then fight."
"I am tired of fighting."
"Then survive. It's all we can do."
The wizard sighed, hanging his head down.
"Remember. I'm all ears." Molly assured.
Caleb opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and then opened it again as if the words clung to his throat. "I was sent to a Sanatorium. Afterwards." He said weakly. "I was so sure in that moment before. With Trent and my parents. I was so sure until I wasn't....and I broke." He smiled weakly. "I broke."
Molly frowned as Caleb continued.
"I spent eleven years in there, and lost myself completely. I haven't been alive for years, Mollymauk. My one goal was to kill Trent Ikathon and—" He stopped himself. "To kill him and...die in the process. And now that we're this close I do not know what to do. I do not know. I was prepared to die by Astrid and Eadwulf and now that im still breathing it feels like I am on stolen time."
"You're...old Volstrucker friends?"
"Ja. That day when we split...I went to the Academy to spy on Ikathon. It was reckless of me. I know. I had no plan. I just wanted to see what I could find. Astrid and Eadwulf found me, and I thought they would kill me."
"So you're punishing yourself because they kept you alive."
"I wanted to protect Nott. To protect all of you. With me out of the picture, you would be safe."
There it was again. Why did so many people think they would be better off dead when life, while it had its own hardships, was right in front of them
"They let me go in the end." Caleb continued on. "Told me I deserved to live a life...but if they see me again, they wouldn't be so generous."
"Well, for once I think I agree with these Volstruckers, and I like to remain optimistic that we will all survive tomorrow to see another sunrise." The teifling smiled. "And besides. It doesn't matter if you're enemies with dragons or even the Gods themselves. We will smite them down if it means you—or anyone else will be safe."
"I am a liability."
"So am I." Molly challenged. "There is a whole lifetime of enemies I am unaware of. But look, you deserve to be alive just as much as I do." Molly placed a hand on Caleb's shoulder as they met each other's eyes. "Goodness is not something you pay for with suffering. The past is the past. You can't change it, no matter how painful. I've only known you for a few weeks, but you're a good man Caleb. I know that much. You deserve to live a good and long life, and I am honored to call you my friend."
Caleb was silent for a moment, blue eyes glistening in the fire's light, before he broke.
First, Caleb's shoulders shook, then his face crumbled, and finally, soft weeps for a lost childhood broke free.
Caleb covered his face with his non-bandaged hand, curling inwards on himself as Molly pulled away. It took him by surprise at first to see how suddenly the man broke down, but it made sense in the end. There was a whirlpool of guilt and shame eating at his soul, it was bound to break free in bursts every now and then. He was carrying more baggage then anyone should ever have to in their lifetime.
So Caleb wept, and Molly let him.
Three minutes later on the clock, Caleb's sobs dissipated immediately like a trained solider. He let a shaky breath out, wiping away any stray tears from his cheeks. "I am sorry. I have not been myself lately..."
"Ah, don't worry. Sometimes a good cry is just what we need. Believe me."
Caleb shuddered, glancing back down at his bandaged hand. "I think I might go for a walk. Staying inside cooped up is making me lose sense of time again and affecting me."
"A walk is a wonderful idea to see all the wonders Zadash has to offer."
"You do know I used to live here." Caleb remarked. "I have seen a lot of these wonders."
"But a lot can happen in eleven years, can't it?"
He let a soft chuckle out at that. "More like sixteen."
More time lost to a cruel fate. "I'll come with you then. You can be my tour guide to this beautiful city, and we can explore the unknown together. We have a few hours to kill before sunrise."
"I would like for it to be alone."
"I'm sorry love, but I personally don't want to leave you alone right now. I hope you understand."
Caleb's shoulders sagged as he scratched his cheek. "Ja...Ja you are probably right...You will not tell the others about this?"
"You have my word, but I cant stop if anyone asks about your hand. I will simply direct them to you." Molly stood up, holding his own hand out. "Now light the path, then magic man. And maybe I'll enlighten you on a draw for myself."
Caleb looked up to Molly, his blue eyes holding a vast dark ocean, but for a momment a flint struck and a spark caught hold. Molly already lost one family, old friends vanishing into the wind without a trace. He would do his damnedest to keep this family alive.
Caleb took his hand, and Mollymauk smiled.
It was all he could do.