Chapter Text
He wonders if his car is still in the lot where he left it.
It has all of his stuff in it. Like his weed and his cash. His jacket, which he forgot to bring with him…wherever he went. His photos.
The car probably got towed, Dad must have been glad to have it back.
Guess that means he hasn’t cared to look for him. Figures.
Jax stares at the corner of his room.
He was supposed to die that night and now he’s here, always here. He shouldn’t be thinking about the past. It’s been a long time.
It’s all he can think about lately.
He knows it’s Caine’s fault. It has to be. All that gum-teethed freak wants to do lately is torture him.
It’s starting to creep him out. He’s beginning to understand why Zooble goes so far to stay out of his sight.
He doesn’t know what the others have been up to. Jax doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want to see anyone. That stupid, fake exit; that damn button.
He didn’t want to think about that night. He never thinks about that night. Never, until Caine made him think about it, pulled it to the front of his mind so mercilessly, so overwhelmingly. Caine did it in front of everyone, made him remember why he can’t ever go back.
Jax grabs his arm in a tight grip and squeezes his eyes shut. He’s not there. He was never going back. It was all Caine.
Caine. Caine is a fucking freak.
He doesn’t know what that AI wants with him. Why did Jax have to go to dinner with him? Why is he messing with his head?
Caine manipulated them for ages. Jax knows it, hell, everyone knows it. He wonders what he might have done to the others. To Ribbit.
Jax wretches his stare from the corner to the ceiling.
It’s fine. It’s fine. He’s fine. It’s all fine. His breathing is normal. He’s here.
It’s not like there’s anything on the outside for him to miss. Certainly, there’s no one there that misses him.
This is the best he’s going to get. It’s what he deserves.
Caine looks at his humans, horror and disgust painted on their faces. It’s directed at him; they’re angry with him. This can’t do. He has to fix that.
“Questioning’s over! Your prize is this lovely gift basket of soaps and lotions. Stay pregnant. Have a good light! Fragrant night, bye!”
Caine teleports away.
Jax stares at the white screen. To think it gave them hope just moments before. To think he-
He stares at the table, the buttons in his peripheral. His head is buzzing, he wants to laugh, he wants to cry, he wants to get out of here.
It’s horribly, horribly quiet.
“I really thought…” Gangle whimpers.
He can feel eyes burning into his back. He doesn’t want to do this right now. Not again.
Not that anyone cares what he wants.
Zooble’s voice bounces into his ear. “What the [BOINK!] was that, Jax?” they seethe.
Jax trains his eyes on the table, his shoulders slumped over and his neck hung. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was right.” He was right. He was right. It was never real.
Zooble sputters, “Are you kidding me?! You thought that was the exit just like the rest of us! If that was real… If that was real you would have trapped us here forever!” Their voice softens, “How could you do that?”
There’s a claw on his shoulder. Zooble pinches into his arm and flips him around, pushing him against the table.
Jax stumbles back silently, eyes dilated and pointed at them.
“Hey!” Pomni takes an uncertain step forward, “Calm down, guys.”
Zooble whips their head in her direction. “No, Pomni. He’s not getting away with it.” They point a finger at the rabbit. “What the [BOINK!] is your problem? I don’t know about you but the rest of us would like to go home. How dare you take that opportunity away from us?”
Jax stares at them. He feels bitter. “Of course I do,” he spits out. “And I didn’t take anything away from you. You fell for Caine’s trick,” he cracks up.
“Why did you press that button?” Zooble asks slowly, glaring at him. Jax tries to shrug off their grip to no avail, their pincers tight around his arm as if he could make a run for it at any moment–which, to be fair, he probably would make his escape if he had the chance.
“I-” Jax is breathing fine. He’s doing fine. His head’s on straight. He was right. “I-”
The words aren’t coming out. He wants to go back to bed. He doesn’t even know why he’s so freaked out. He was right, after all. It’s always so predictable.
He takes a breath, smiling down at Zooble. “Like I told you Zoobie, I knew it was an adventure.”
Zooble finally lets him go, Jax doesn’t rub his arm. They scoff, looking him up and down, “I don’t buy that for a second and neither do you.”
They turn toward the door. ”It’s just sad.”
“I’m getting out of here before Caine shows up again,” Zooble announces. Gangle spares a nervous glance at Jax before following them out the door.
Ragatha and Pomni linger. Kinger’s still staring at the screen. Jax stands there awkwardly, unsure what to do with Ragatha staring at him all uneasy and Pomni acting like she cares. The air is thick with tension and futile desperation.
The glow of the white screen feels like judgement. Or maybe punishment. It reminds him of that room Caine put him in at Spudsy’s.
Pomni breaks the silence. She always does.
“Jax, are you okay?” Her eyes are pools of concern. He looks away.
It’s like there’s been bugs crawling under his skin all day. He doesn’t want to keep talking. There’s no point. There was never an exit in the first place, nothing’s changed.
“I’m fine,” he grits out.
Pomni’s mouth tightens into a frown. “If you need to talk to someone—”
“I don’t need your help,” he growls, taking off out of that stupid room. Stupid fucking hallway. Caine couldn’t have made it easier to leave?
Ragatha says something as he storms out, but he doesn’t care to listen. It doesn’t matter. Nothing here does.
What a sick joke. He really believed the exit would be in a room with two, red and blue glowing buttons. Like it’d be that easy, that simple. How pathetic.
And Caine made him remember.
But it didn’t matter. It was just another adventure. Just another game and he played his pretty part.
Jax’s eyes drag across the lines of orbs in Caine’s office–if this even is his real office or just some glamorized set. All that thing thinks of is itself. It wants their attention, their affection.
Fucking parasite.
Jax catches sight of that orb again, and he’s filled with an aching nostalgia. It reminds him of a snowglobe. It shakes up memories in him that make him feel sick to his stomach. His heart is heavy in his chest. He’s not even sure what he’s staring at anymore. He’s just thinking, lost, thinking…
Jax must have stood there for longer than he thought. He hears Pomni and Ragatha’s voices echo from the hallway and he bolts out of the office.
He hasn’t seen anyone since then.
It wouldn’t change anything. It definitely wouldn’t fix anything.
Jax isn’t stupid. He knows they dont want him around anyways, and, gee, look at him, so sweet, he’s granting their wish. And they say he’s done nothing for them.
He stares at the corner of his room again. He studies it, like those hands might come crawling out again.
They were green. It was the first thing he noticed. The hands were green.
He doesn’t want to think about it, but maybe it could be her. Maybe he just wanted comfort, and the circus responded to that. Whatever that says about the state of his mind Jax doesn't care to interrogate.
It was nice, actually, whatever that was. It treated him more gently than his reality. It didn’t expect anything from him. He didn’t have to be anyone. It was peaceful.
He was holding her hand.
Was he wrong to want it to happen again? To want something that felt so nice?
Jax paces his breaths. He’s not upset. He just doesn’t know what comes after, what it was he was approaching, but maybe it’d be better. Maybe it’d be a kinder fate than this.
There’s not much left for him in any case.
He turns to his side, staring at his wall of polaroids. The sight of Kaufmo and Ribbit feels like a punch in the stomach. He grabs the photo and slams its face onto the wall.
He doesn’t need anyone.