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第二道门锁的声音响起，门被人推开。瑞弗庄重的礼貌神情在看到对面那张脸时，逐渐变得惊愕，困惑，烦躁不安，直到两个人同时脱口而出：
“你怎么在这？”
来者和他同样震惊。于是之前的种种线索在瑞弗的大脑里迅速结成一片蛛网，彼此之间建立千丝万缕的联系。挫败感让瑞弗抬手捏住眉心，焦躁在原地来回踱步。
“这他妈的是在开玩笑吗，我跑到美国都躲不过你这只害虫？”
他自顾自地咒骂一句，瞪着面前的人，“所以，你就是乔纳森·史密斯？”
“而你是——詹姆斯·史密斯。……噢真是活见鬼了（Oh, for fuck’s sake），瑞弗·卡特怀特。”
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Post-Season 2, where they all fucked up their missions and got kicked out of MI5 for good. River is once again faced with the fact that he has to work with Spider to complete their new assignment. Only this time, it's ten times worse — they have to go undercover as newlywed husbands.
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Chapter 1. hihi
Chapter 2. What were you dreaming of?
Chapter 3. This is getting absurd. [smut]
Chapter 4. You cheating scum!
Chapter 5. Honey Trap (gone wrong)
Chapter 6. Honey Trap (spot on)
Chapter 7. My husband is cheating. I wanna kill him.
Chapter 8. Did you come? How many times? [smut]
Chapter 9. Dress Up!
Chapter 10. The Drag Queen
Chapter 11. The White Knight [smut]
Chapter 12. Honeymoon (1) [smut]
Chapter 13. Honeymoon (2) [smut] [Update] -
perfect case for my certain skillset by retiredpoet
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron
21 Dec 2025
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“She tried to get her pocket knife, moving her body as much as possible so she could reach the inner part of her jacket. She shifted and shifted, but he didn’t loose his hand on her neck or his body on hers — quite the contrary, since he made himself closer and moved his hand from her wrist to her waistline. Come on, Sid, you’re a professional. Don’t stand there frozen.
But that was exactly what she did, at least until she heard a voice coming in their direction. Someone said something in French, but, since her ears were ringing, all she could understand was ‘move’ and some cursing.
‘Bridget?’ The voice said, and Sid didn’t hear, putting her hand on her chest and trying to recompose herself. ‘Bridget! Are you okay?’
She looked up and saw blue eyes concernedly looking at her. ‘River?’”
or
River is an assassin. Sid is the agent who is going to take him down. Whatever it takes.
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River scrolls the apps, and is met with both weirdness and disappointment. The only thing worse is running into a colleague on the way to a chicken shop with post-nut clarity. The only thing worse than that is being pulled into an impromptu assignment. Well he was always liable to get shafted by the service again at some point.
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What Happens in the House Stays in the House by Cemeee
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron
20 Dec 2025
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瑞弗对MI5看走眼了两点：
一他错误地假设了MI5的硬件设施应该足够靠谱；
二他还是低估了同事们的八卦程度。- Language:
- 中文-普通话 國語
- Words:
- 7,574
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 6
- Hits:
- 32
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Jackson hurled a bottle of whisky, striking the terrorist on the temple, but before he slumped against the broken door, his pistol fired three times. One into the wall, one into the window, and one into flesh. He wasn't aiming directly at anyone, but the bullet had to hit someone.
Catherine was the closest.
Based on the ending of book 4
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In which Sasha absolutely, definitely, seriously, does not have a crush on River Cartwright.
[Season 3 – ?]
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now I know, what a fool I've been (but if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again) by Im_being_so_normal_about_this
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV)
17 Dec 2025
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"River set out from his office, brimming with energy for the day ahead. It was only twelve days ‘til Christmas, after all, and spirit was running high as the big day drew closer and closer. Every year, River nearly forgot how busy the North Pole became in December and, every year, he was reminded why he loved it. Seeing everyone work together to create the season of joy and love—it was cliche, but it was his favorite time of year."
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River, Head Elf of the North Pole, is doing his job as the days count down towards Christmas. But when something happens between him and Spider—better known as the current Santa Claus—the season gets a bit out of hand.
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冤冤相报 Get him back! by DorianLandor
Fandoms: Slough House - Mick Herron, Slow Horses (TV)
16 Dec 2025
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“别去招惹那个刻薄的金发贱人，他一定会让你的高中生涯生不如死。”
这是摄政公园中学所有人的共识。而当这个混蛋已经让瑞弗·卡特怀特的生活充斥了三四个月的言语霸凌和羞辱，瑞弗决定要从根源解决问题。
雪莉提议让他在公共场合干一件足以让蜘蛛丢脸的事，瑞弗照做了。果不其然，他第一次在蜘蛛脸上看到震惊的情绪。
按照计划，蜘蛛应当恼羞成怒，从此和他分道扬镳，对吧？
所以，为什么全校师生都在认为他们两个谈恋爱了？"Don't even think about messing with that sharp-tongued blond bitch. He'll make your high school life a living hell."
That was the unanimous opinion at Regent’s Park High. But after months of James Webb's relentless teasing and public humiliation, River Cartwright had finally had enough. Shirley suggested doing something in public that would make Spider eat his pride. River went for it. And, just as they suspected, he finally caught a flicker of genuine shock on Spider's face.
By all logic, Spider should've stormed off, furious, and left him alone forever.
So why is the entire school now thinking that they're dating? -
I need to know if your heart is racing too by PoemAboutCitylights
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron
16 Dec 2025
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“You do realise it would make you one of us, don’t you? And that my shitty little job would also be your shitty little job, then?”
Spider scrunches up his nose, “Don’t be a blockhead, River. We all know you’ll live and rot at Slough House and that sort of ambitionless life just isn’t for me.”
River’s fingertips begin to twitch again but he forces himself to keep his voice down.
“And still you want to work with us.”__
Or: Spider is back from the dead and River has to deal with it
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In 1796, Captain Shirley Dander of His Majesty's Royal Navy must form a new crew to sail deeper into the ocean she swore she'd never return to, with the punctilious marine captain Emma Flyte by her side.
As they search for the fabled "Terra Australis", Shirley and Flyte develop a deep bond that mutually motivates them to protect their crew and each other from the dangers of the remote, unexplored southern seas.
Series
- Part 2 of Captain Shirley Dander
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,108
- Chapters:
- 1/?
- Kudos:
- 1
- Hits:
- 35
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This isn’t River’s fault. A phrase, which he’s said so often he has the feeling that it’s lost all its meaning. This time, it really isn’t.
By about 70%.
Maybe 60%.
Look, whose fault it is doesn’t matter. All that matters is that Roddy Ho is equally, if not more, complicit. This is, of course, partially because it’s Roddy and mostly because it was his idea. River was merely blackmailed into it.
or, River and Roddy decorate. Things go wrong (as expected).
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Attention!
November, 1943, River Cartwright is an agent in His Majesty's Secret Service, currently operating out of a safe house in Calais. The French resistance is well underway beneath the surface when his commanding officer drops out of no where to give him a strange new op...
The mission? Extraction of Undercover Agent Webb. The location? Nazi Occupied Paris.
What could possibly go wrong?
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River's natural clumsiness and reluctance to get help get him snowed in and leaves the Slow Horses having to keep him alive until help comes
Series
- Part 1 of Slow Horses Bingo
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Ponte dei Sighs by FabulousDarling
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron
12 Dec 2025
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Catherine Standish never asked to be sent into the field — and certainly not partnered with Jackson Lamb. But a dead agent drags them to Venice: a city of canals, masks, and secrets better left underwater.
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When Imogen arrives at Slough House she brings with her three mysteries: why is she here, who was she before, and how does she know Coe? Some mysteries can be solved, but others are only beginning to unfold. As a group of extremists seek to reverse the progress of women’s rights through violence and intimidation, the Slow Horses are once more called to fill in the gaps where the Park fails.
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It's Secret Santa time at the office, but River panics when you open the wrong gift.
Series
- Part 3 of Ficmas 2025
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“Cartwright,” Lamb casts a disdainful glance at River, his voice rasping around the cigarette that dangles limply in his mouth. “If you’re gonna keel over, do it outside. I don’t need the extra paperwork.”
“I’m not dying.” River grits out, tersely, each syllable thick with congestion.
“Not yet,” Shirley pipes up, glowering at him from where she’s appeared in the stairwell. “But you already look like the ghost of a Victorian child.”OR
river is sick, no matter how much he likes to pretend he isn't, and refuses to go home. lamb takes a drastic measure to make sure he goes away, and you discover that you need to change your phone number.
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弗兰克·哈克尼斯向摄政公园发送了一段长达十一小时的视频，内容是他对瑞弗进行的一种全新的精神改造方法。戴安娜·塔文纳尽职尽责地把视频放给“下等马”。寄希望于其中有找到瑞弗的线索，他们别无选择，只能观看。这并不容易。弗兰克·哈克尼斯是个习惯于胜利的人。路易莎需要好好睡上一年，再来个拥抱。兰姆还是兰姆。“下等马”一如既往地尽力而为。
- Language:
- 中文-普通话 國語
- Words:
- 8,923
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 3
- Hits:
- 52
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Hidden In Plain Sight by itsmebethy
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron
24 Nov 2025
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Stuck at Slough House and quietly coming apart, River Cartwright never expected a routine errand to cryptology to change anything. Then he meets Annie Stuart — sharp, brilliant, and impossible to ignore. But her talents haven’t gone unnoticed, and some secrets are more dangerous than they look.
Every code has its flaw. Every spy does too.
This story is set immediately after Slow Horses Season 4.
**Completed**
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Frank doesn't want to let River go after he's only just got him back in his life. Shame River doesn't want to come with him willingly.
“We’re in a public space. And I’m not walking out of here,” River frowned.
“Oh no you’re not,” Frank’s head tilted in a parody of concern, “see my son here has had a little too much to drink so I’ve called us a cab and he needs a little bit of help getting there.”Series
- Part 10 of Candle's Whumptober 2024
- Part 4 of Candle Makes Bad Things Happen
- Part 5 of Candle's August of Whump 2025