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So this might be it.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
24 Dec 2025
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During another run-of-the-mill battle, Astarion puts himself in harm's way to protect Gale. With too much of Astarion's blood spilled on Gale's behalf, there arises an innovative way to even the score.
Series
- Part 2 of dalgur's bate
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
24 Dec 2025
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Astarion wondered if perhaps this was going to be the end. He knew he should feel something— anything if this was going to be how he died. Astarion reached to try and find an emotion; scared, angry, happy?
Astarion felt nothing. He wanted to run and hide to lick his wounds. He wanted to be free of this pain and agony.
He was so hungry and tired.
Maybe he would finally get his wish.
[Astarion was never picked up by the Nautiloid. When he is tasked to bring a new victim home, he ends up getting captured and taken prisoner. It is only a matter of time before Cazador starts looking for him-- he doesn't know what he should fear more.]
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,121
- Chapters:
- 7/14
- Comments:
- 279
- Kudos:
- 1,286
- Bookmarks:
- 308
- Hits:
- 22,781
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
24 Dec 2025
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In which Ulder puts Wyll's pet possum on trial for possum crimes. Ulder is under the impression that they are joking together. Wyll is under the impression his possum is about to go to for-real jail for for-real possum crimes.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
23 Dec 2025
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In which everyone has been nerfed down to level one, but for not quite the same reasons as in canon.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
20 Dec 2025
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“Peri,” he said finally.
Yes, Captain Seth? Peri replied.
“No,” he said. “I'm not talking to you as captain. Yet. You're talking to Dad.”
Oh. It sounded hesitant, which was unusual. It had also paused a lot longer than he expected. Okay.Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
18 Dec 2025
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crawling towards recovery by ushauz for not_whelmed_yet
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
16 Dec 2025
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In which, as per canon, Astarion has undergone two centuries of starvation. Unlike canon, this greatly impacts his ability to do anything at all.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
17 Dec 2025
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He tilts his chin up, something almost like pride in his expression. The light catches on the crook of his neck, in the shadows of his white hair.
A bite mark.
Red eyes and pale skin. Claws. Fangs.It all makes sense now.
He's a shapeshifter, too!
And he has no idea elves aren't supposed to look like vampires!Oh, that's adorable. I should help him.
This is the story of a shapeshifter who falls in love with a vampire, and how the unlikely duo overcome insurmountable odds to find a cure for ceremorphosis, then vampirism. A classic fairytale, really, if you ignore all the ways in which it isn't.
So sit back, relax, keep your hands and fangs inside the car at all times, and enjoy the show!
Updates every other Tuesday!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 656,092
- Chapters:
- 61/?
- Comments:
- 407
- Kudos:
- 341
- Bookmarks:
- 125
- Hits:
- 20,768
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
16 Dec 2025
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This unit is at minimal functionality and by Polyhexian
Fandoms: The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells
15 Dec 2025
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Summary
Iris’ heart sank. She had heard SecUnit speak those words before, and hated it. She didn't want to hear her friend tell her to leave it behind to die.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
15 Dec 2025
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Gale yelps as Astarion's very cold fingers find his midriff. Astarion laughs, burrowing deeper under Gale's robe.
“Ah-ha, Astarion, did you take an ice bath on the way here?” Gale protests.
“Well usually I wake up to somebody very ready to warm me up.” Astarion purrs.
“You know what they say; cold hands, warm heart,” Gale says, absently.
Astarion pinches him, gently.
“Ow!” Gale protests, “What, you're allowed to come and put your hands all over me but I'm not allowed to make comments like that?”
“You can do better, love,” Astarion says, sniffily. “That was practically lazy. I'm afraid I've become accustomed to a much higher calibre of charm.”
“Are you insinuating that I have somehow spoiled you, Astarion?”
“For anyone else, absolutely,” Astarion agrees, sadly.
Shadowheart sighs.
“Glad you two are as disgusting as ever,” she says.Series
- Part 2 of First Light
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A remix of Act 2 in which Gale gets more of a character arc resolution.
“Gods damn it Gale!”
Astarion leaps over him. The guard, poised to land an entirely excessive final blow to Gale’s skull, topples backwards with a knife in his gut. The second pierces his neck, sending him crashing to the ground. Astarion yanks his blades back, and drops to his knees beside Gale.
“Oh no no no, you are not dying on me now.”
Gale attempts to express something, but it comes out as a gurgle of bloody bubbles. The world swings to the side, black and spinning.
“I swear, if it turns out I did just watch you spend the last of your magic sending your cat back to safety instead of saving your own damn skin-”
The threat remains unfinished. A healing potion trickles between Gale’s lips.
“Tressym,” Gale says, when he can finally trust his voice.
Astarion is still crouched over him, cheeks flushed, sweat running down his brow and someone else’s blood smeared across his cheek. Gale has the sudden urge to kiss him.
“What?”
“She’s a tressym. Not a cat.”
Astarion makes a noise of such furious, pained exasperation that Gale half expects the dagger to end up in his neck next.Series
- Part 1 of First Light
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,820
- Chapters:
- 20/20
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 340
- Kudos:
- 2,227
- Bookmarks:
- 546
- Hits:
- 43,681
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
08 Dec 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
Act 2 Bloodweave
Morena and Astarion have met due to Morena’s profession
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Summary
I felt good.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
05 Dec 2025
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Astarion ascends, Tav takes control of the brain and enslaves them all, and Gale sacrifices himself to save everyone from being under Tav's control. But things can't end like that, can they?
Gale blinks and finds himself back at square one with an overwhelming amount of knowledge, a hungry Netherese blight in his chest, and friends who no longer remember him.
Or... Gale is like basically a fortune-teller.I suppose this is a slow burn. I sort of modeled it off of the game's pacing, so that's why.
Guess who has a sequel!!
Series
- Part 1 of Lost Light
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 112,500
- Chapters:
- 39/39
- Comments:
- 343
- Kudos:
- 1,167
- Bookmarks:
- 197
- Hits:
- 33,225
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
05 Dec 2025
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Years after the brain fell, Astarion and Gale are living in Waterdeep. Things settle into a new relative normal until the book that Volo wrote about them gains some them unwanted attention. They grapple with fame, fortune, vampires, and their pasts.
Volo is a thorn in their sides in more ways than one, but his vanishing is cause for concern.Series
- Part 2 of Lost Light
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
05 Dec 2025
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Summary
Gale stood hesitantly, just far enough from the door of Sharess’ Caress that his intended destination wasn’t obvious to any passers-by. He adjusted his robe unnecessarily, smoothing a non-existent crease from one purple sleeve. He was suddenly aware of his heart thumping rather loudly. It was a cool night, but he could feel his forehead tingling as though he were about to start sweating.
This was a mad idea. He could just turn around now and go back to his room at the Elfsong. Spend the evening reading. Alone. Again.
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Non-tadpole AU where Astarion is sent to work at Sharess' Caress to procure victims for Cazador, and Gale finds himself seeking company.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 51,794
- Chapters:
- 18/18
- Comments:
- 310
- Kudos:
- 1,158
- Bookmarks:
- 235
- Hits:
- 20,428
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
03 Dec 2025
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Gale and Astarion take a bath, and decompress from the final battle.
•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•
This is an Epilogue for my fic 'Keep your distance, darling'. It can be read on its own if you skim over the references to past events, but I'd love if if you read the fic too! Enjoy the happy ending that I made some of my poor readers forget was coming.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
03 Dec 2025
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Summary
Astarion, attacked in a dark alley, was brought back home by his siblings. A couple of days later, Cazador hosts one of his soirées and he will make sure that his disappointing Spawn remembers his place. But, tonight, some of the guests are painfully familiar to Astarion.
His companions have one thing in mind: to save him from Cazador's clutches before it can be too late. Astarion doesn't care for saviors though. Only one thing matters to him: for them to not see him like this.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
01 Dec 2025
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Summary
Some years after saving the world, Astarion and Wyll revisit their beginning.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,965
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 6
- Kudos:
- 66
- Bookmarks:
- 12
- Hits:
- 253
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
28 Nov 2025
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As if his luck couldn’t get any worse. Two hours in a cell, and his first visitor was the man who leapt dramatically into battle to save people he didn’t know with a catchphrase at the ready. The goblin would be better company.
All it takes to know a man is six conversations through six different sets of bars.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
27 Nov 2025
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Summary
SecUnits are separated from their daemons the moment they come online. Murderbot meets its own daemon for the first time when the company transfers its contract to Dr. Mensah.
The idea of having a daemon, a physical soul, is bad enough. But Murderbot's daemon isn't anything like what it should be. For one thing, it won't shut up about how much it wants to kill humans.
Bookmarked by FunctionalChaos
24 Nov 2025