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  1. Summary

    If you asked me what you taste like,
    I’d say that moment after the blade makes contact
    but before blood simmers to the surface.
    The secret is to swallow
    without expecting hunger to disappear.

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  2. Summary

    we touch our bodies like wounds—
    the war never ended and somehow begins again.

    Words:
    14,650
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    2
  3. Summary

    Promise to cherish, trust and respect him.

    Words:
    26,845
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    2
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    16
  4. Summary

    Relationship milestones: truths, feelings, and other things to conquer.

    Words:
    6,666
    Works:
    6
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    4
  5. Summary

    Our bodies are nothing if not places to be had by.

    Words:
    14,400
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    2
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    5

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  1. Rec 12

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    Summary

    Their encounters have always been frantic, rushed, a violent clash of desire, frustration, and built-up negative energies, dulled only somewhat by the muted daze of hard liquor. There’s never been time to sit and watch and contemplate the different ways to take apart, destroy the body he’s got under his hands, and as he loops the leather straps through the headboard and pulls them tight around Dameron’s wrists, he is so overwhelmed with possibilities that he is not sure he knows where to begin.

    Sequel to Lay Down Your Arms.

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    15 Jul 2020

    Bookmarker's Notes

    In the end, he supposes, it came down to this: On the one hand, in the face of the violence he has committed, the death penalty seemed so pathetically insufficient a punishment that some felt they might as well not bother; on the other hand, the New Council was working hard to present itself as better than … well, better than the First Order anyway, and executing political enemies just didn’t look that good for any organization claiming to care about justice and mercy. Add to that the minor issue that he had provided the Resistance with invaluable information that might very well have helped them win the war, and killing the individual who risked his life to help the cause – well, that would have been just plain embarrassing.

    +

    Finn, at least, didn’t bat an eye at Dameron’s vote, which Hux took to mean that he had known it was coming. Instead, he slung his arm around Dameron’s shoulder for a brief, tight hug, and Hux could even appreciate how strategically clever this public display of unity was, once he squashed the sudden irrational, unwelcome sting of jealousy he felt at the sight.

    +

    “What else is in there?” Hux asks, and Dameron pulls out what looks like a tangle of sturdy leather straps, holding them out for him to see. Hux frowns in confusion. “What is that?”

    Dameron lifts his left shoulder. “I thought you might want to tie me up.”

    The onslaught of images that provokes is more than a little overwhelming, as is the mortified realization that Dameron has apparently been able to read his mind. He is still wrestling with his response when Dameron shrugs lightly and puts the straps on the dresser as well.

    “Or not.”

    “No,” Hux says hurriedly, before Dameron can decide to revoke the offer. “I mean, yes. No. I – yes. I want.”

    +

    Then he rests his forehead against Dameron’s abdomen, feeling it rise and fall with every deep inhale.

    “Uhm,” Dameron says, sounding dazed and downright wrecked. “What was that?”

    He doesn’t really seem to wait for an answer though, which is just as well, because Hux doesn’t have one for him.

    +

    “What life?” he hisses. “I’ve been strongly encouraged by multiple parties to leave this planet and find a remote rock at the edge of the galaxy to settle down on, and it’s not exactly like I have a lot of job opportunities lined up.”

    “Then find something to do!” Dameron shouts. “If you feel bad about what happened, then do something productive and start making up for the things you did wrong. If you don’t feel guilty about it, well, then find something you enjoy that doesn’t involve explosions and stay out of people’s way. You know there’s more things you can do with yourself besides killing people and reaming my ass. I thought – “

    “You thought what?” Hux sneers. “I’ll be gardening flowers on some remote rim planet, and what? You are going to drop by every other Benduday in your X-wing for a quick fuck, and no one will notice? What do you think your friends will say when they find out that you’ve been bending over for the guy who’s most famous for blowing up the Hosnian system? Cut out the bantha shit and stop lying to me, Dameron, this isn’t going to last.”

    +

    “You know, I told my droid about us,” Dameron says. “And Finn.”

    Hux struggles, without much success, to hide his shock. “And how did that go?” he finally asks, and Dameron sighs a little.

    “He doesn’t really understand, and he isn’t sure he entirely approves,” he says slowly. “But …”

    “But what?” Hux asks, with a growing sense of dread.

    “He’s still my friend.” Dameron shrugs. “He’s not going to tell. And he’s got my back.”

    +

    “Poe,” Hux starts over, after a moment of hesitation, because Dameron didn’t hit him the first time he said it, and he finds that he wants to try it again.

    “Yes?” Dameron asks, without moving.

    “For what it’s worth,” Hux says. “I’m –“ He pauses. There are a number of things he wants to say, but he isn’t quite sure he has the words. So he starts with the one he’s recently had the most practice with. “I’m sorry.”

    this fic is everything — EVERYTHING! — to me.

  2. Rec 4

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    During one of Poe's and Hux's secret meetings, they do something new to pass the time

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    01 May 2021

    Bookmarker's Notes

    “The Emperor founded the Empire. It existed solely because of him and that’s why it ended with him.”

    “It did not end.” Hux gave him a sharp look. “We’re still here. Heirs of the Empire. And you’re wrong. There was more to the Empire than Palpatine. It was an idea, a vision for the galaxy where everyone has their place and works together for a better future.”

    “A better future for humans, you mean.”

    “If those aliens did not like their place, they were free to leave and do better. Or accept their defeat.”

  3. Rec 12

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    Summary

    What exactly, is he taking all these risks for? Hux cannot fathom. Each time they meet seems more vivid, more intense than the last. He thinks about those nights for months on end in the quiet moments before he sleeps and wakes up aching for more.

    Hux, Poe, and the spaces in between.

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    12 Sep 2021

    Bookmarker's Notes

    “Well, I’ve got a room booked out back,” Poe says, his voice already slipping from sharp, harsh consonants to something more easy and mellow and deceptively unguarded. Hux has been the recipient of this tactic too many times to believe it to be anything more than a devious ploy to make him spill his secrets. Poe has always been better at seduction, however hopeless he might be at other sorts of things, like subtlety and political machinations.

    +

    He remembers reaching out with his thumb to wipe a bead of blood from the corner of Poe’s mouth, then the sharpness of Poe’s teeth as they bit down on his gloved hand, the flash of anger in him replaced almost immediately with a hot, shameful surge of lust.

    +

    As Dameron slowly strips him of his clothes, and then his self-control, Hux hates how much he has thought of this encounter, how he mapped out whole galaxies of touch across Poe’s body before he even received the final coordinates for their assignation.

  4. Rec 30

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    When Hux surrenders himself to the Resistance and insists on only speaking with Poe, Poe must figure out what Hux truly wants and how far to trust him.

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    14 Jul 2020

    Bookmarker's Notes

    “You really do like getting burned,” Hux said, his tone perfectly level, but his cheeks were pink, his mouth wet, and his hair mussed.

    Smiling a little, Poe said, “My father always told me I had terrible taste in partners.”

    “I find that unsurprising.”

    “I’d be offended but really it’s you who should be.”

    “I am. Deeply. Let myself be spoiled by a filthy rebel.”

    All out grinning, tugging on Hux’s hair, Poe said, “Hey, now, I didn’t have time to spoil you.”

    Hux blushed deeper. He’d be cute if not for the mass murderer thing.

  5. Public Bookmark 23

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    So yes, there may have been a point where he couldn't be entirely sure whether he had just dreamed the grim expression on Rose’s face when she told him how many survivors the ground team had pulled out of the burning debris of the crashed Star Destroyer, whether he might have merely imagined the glimpse of matted red hair he caught from the corner of his eye as the medics carried yet another stretcher past the command center through the cave towards the Tantive IV.

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    15 Jul 2020

    Bookmarker's Notes

    But there's no way for Hux to know that Poe's worst dreams are not the ones in which he dies himself. The nightmares that leave him gasping for air and shaken for hours are the ones that force him to relive the deaths of his friends over and over again, and it is always, always his fault.

    He doesn't talk about it with Finn, or Rey, or Kaydel, not since he realized that none of them quite understand. Of course they've all suffered loss, they are all wrestling with their own demons – but none of them know what it was like to send his friends into battle, to shout commands, only to see them get picked out of the sky, see them explode, hear their anguished screams over the comm, all the while knowing that they wouldn't be dead if he hadn't told them to go.

    For a moment, he thinks about saying it out loud. Hux has given such orders, he knows, has sent people to die under his command.

    But Hux would likely laugh at him and tell him that he never cared.

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