Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was only eight-thirty and Midoriya was already having a bad day. He must have slept through his alarm, because it was meant to go off at five thirty. At this point he was meant to have completed his morning workout, got dressed and had breakfast.

He had done none of those things and he had to be in class in twenty minutes. On top of that for some reason his heart was beating slightly too fast, and the creeping feeling of ants crawling under his skin was back with a vengeance and he hadn’t felt it in months. It always meant he was going to have a bad day. Plus, no one ever liked waking up feeling anxious for no discernible reason.

Crap, now it was eight-thirty-five.

He almost fell as he scrambled out of bed and threw his uniform on, running a hand through his hair and pulling on his tie so it was even more uneven than usual.

And then there was hard knock on his door and even Midoriya wasn’t expecting himself to flinch quite as much as he did.

“Midoriya,” Iida’s voice filtered loudly through to his room. “Are you ready to go? No one has seen you all morning.”

He zipped up his bag and tripped toward the door before opening it and sending a slightly forced grin at Iida, ignoring the feeling of blood rushing in his ears. “Sorry, my alarm didn’t go off this morning.”

“You’ve got to be more organised if you want to make it as a hero Midoriya. If there was a villain attack you couldn’t excuse yourself by saying you missed it because of an alarm.”

He sucked in a breath through his nose and tried not to let the smile fall. He'd had a hard time sleeping last night. Probably why he hadn't gotten up. “I know Iida, sorry. I’ll be up tomorrow.”

“Good to know. Now let’s not be late.” Then as if he was seeing Midoriya for the first time he ran his gaze up and down him, and paused before he spoke. “Are you sure you’re ready to go?”

He swallowed and hoisted his bag up over his shoulder. Taking another deep breath and letting it out slowly, he could feel his heart rate begin to slow down at the familiarity, and his smile became a little smaller but a little more real. “Yep. Come on, we don’t want to be late right?”

The dorm was mostly empty by the time they got downstairs, apart from a few late stragglers who were bustling out the door yelling a quick ‘good morning’ over their shoulders.

Midoriya took a final deep breath, and felt slightly more normal, the ants retreating back from under his skin, the impending dread he’d been feeling since he’d woken up quietly retreating. He was going to be fine.

XxX

The classroom was even louder than usual and Midoriya really wasn’t in the mood for loud today, but he didn’t say anything, just smiled at Uraraka who waved back from where she was talking to Ashido. He sat down at his desk, dropping his bag at his feet.

He could admit he was slightly confused because most people were crowded around Kacchan’s desk in front of him, and he knew Kacchan hated talking to people in the morning so why?.. He could only hear snippets of conversation and the occasional ‘fuck off’ from Kacchan.

He frowned, and turned back to Mineta.

“What’s going on?” he asked, trying to keep his voice quiet.

“You haven’t heard?”

Midoriya shook his head. Mineta pulled out his phone.

“Really? There’s been this video going round online since pretty late last night. When Bakugo was on his run or something yesterday he saw this kid being bullied and stopped them. The guy who recorded it must have recognised him from the sports festival.” A phone was shoved in his face, and Midoriya had hardly caught up on what Mineta had said before he was affronted with the screen. “Look.”

The video played, it was hand held and shaky and a little out of focus but clearly Kacchan standing between a crying kid and a couple of others. He was turned away from the camera but he could tell his shoulders were tensed, hands squeezed into fists at his sides. Angry. The kids looked like they were about ten at most, and the three stepped back as Kacchan said something the camera couldn’t quite pick up. It must’ve been whoever was filming it that was adding the background narration.

“That’s the kid who won the sports festival right? Guess he’s not as bad as he seems, those kids were picking on the smaller one I think, and he stepped up. Respect right there, bro.”

And then the three kids turned and left, and Kacchan turned and said something toward the crying kid as he wiped his face and nodded and then the video cut off.

Oh.

Kacchan stepping in to help someone who was being bullied.

Izuku felt something ugly curl in his gut.

Mineta clicked on the video and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

“Crazy right? Good for him though. With all the free publicity and stuff I bet girls will be lining up to s-“

“Thanks for showing me Mineta.” The words sounded too harsh in his own ears but he didn’t take them back. He sank back into his own seat fighting to keep a neutral look on his face.

“Oh...No problem Midoriya.” Mineta's voice was slow and confused, like he wasn’t sure what he’d done which was annoying because he hadn’t actually done anything and Midoriya just felt weird for no reason and it didn’t matter and he was fine.

He sighed.

“Sorry, that was rude. Thanks Mineta.” Then he crossed his arms on his desk again and planted his head down trying to block out the noise around him.

He could feel the faint simmering of frustration in his veins and he didn’t know why, except he did. He just didn’t want to admit it to himself because it made him feel like a terrible person. And it was great Kacchan was helping people who needed it, it was amazing really, so why was he annoyed?

“Hey Midoriya, did you hear what Bakugo did? It was pretty manly right?”

He raised his head from his arms and Kirishima grinned at him as he shoved Bakugo’s shoulder, and Midoriya internally winced at that (and couldn’t help but imagine what would have happened if it had been him that had shoved Kacchan like that and the firework of scars on his upper left arm from that one time he accidentally walked into Kacchan in middle school suddenly hurt.)

“Yeah.” He forced out, and he ignored how Kirishima’s smile fell a little at that. Because really he knew Kirishima was happy because Kacchan was helping people willingly and being the person he always thought he could be. He still didn’t say anything else.

“Aww c’mon Midoriya. Look, big strong Bakugo actually really cares about people, ain’t that right Kacchan?”

“Fuck off, Dunce Face.”

“See he’s actually just so sweet.” Kaminari and Ashido cracked up. Midoriya forced a smile that he knew didn’t travel to his eyes.

And suddenly Uraraka was at his side and he had no time to think, and the feeling of ants was coming back.

“What’s up Deku? You look kinda weird.” Her gaze travelled to his uneven tie and then back to his face.

“Ah nothing, I didn’t sleep great last night and ended up sleeping through my alarm.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, glancing away from her, and also trying not to meet the eyes of anyone else in the room and for now out the window was the safest bet but that would look rude-

“Oh really?” she sent him a sad smile, everyone was smiling. “I’m sorry, if you can’t sleep tonight text me or something okay?”

And something warm welled up inside him for a second pushing away the spikes and wow he had really good friends.

“And Bakugo!” Kacchan’s gaze snapped from Kaminari and whatever he’d been arguing with him about to Uraraka, greeting her with a glare and a scowl. She held up a thumbs up. “I’m glad you helped someone! It’s really helping with your reputation after the Sports Festival and everything.”

And the spikes were back. Sharper and bigger and sore.

“What? Because he did something any decent person would do?”

And it took him a minute to realise it was him who had spoken.

He slammed a hand over his mouth, but he had nothing to defend himself with. (he didn’t want to defend himself, he was right)

“Midoriya,” And it was Iida again, and he sounded confused. “Your classmate acted heroically when he saw someone in trouble, are you not proud of him?”

He didn’t respond and he could feel Kacchan’s eyes on the side of his head and he didn’t turn to look at him.

“Dude, you’re not like, jealous or something are you? That this got media attention?” And that was Sero. When did Sero get here? He could hear his heartbeat again.

“What? No of course not.”

“Well that’s what it looks like.”

“It’s not very heroic of you to be treading on someone else’s achievements Midoriya.”

And the spikes got sharper, and blood was rushing in his ears. “Treading on someone’s- are you kidding? Yeah, it’s great he helped the bullied kid, I didn’t realise he deserved a medal when he-“

He stopped himself. The next words he’d planned on saying echoing around his head.

(-when he's bullied me for years.)

Idiot.

He looked up from his desk to find all eyes in the room on him, confused, narrowed, wide and Midoriya realised just what he was doing.

He looked back down at his desk. Deflated. “It doesn’t matter.”

“No, really Midoriya, tell us what you think. Was he not meant to help him or something?”

This was wrong. Everything was wrong. Of course, Kacchan should’ve helped. Of course, he should’ve. And he was glad he did. But it meant that he knew it was wrong, it meant he knew that kids shouldn’t do that to each other. He knew.

So why. Why. Had he done it to Midoriya? And why hadn’t he gotten an apology and why did everyone else look at Kacchan like he was perfect and like he was going to be the perfect hero who’d never hurt anyone and why did Midoriya feel a sudden rush of anger?

The others didn’t know.

They didn’t know about the bruises, or the scars or why he flinched when someone surprised him or why he was hesitant to let people see his notebooks. They didn’t know and he was angry. Even if it was him who never told them.

He never told them to protect Kacchan. Because he was going to be a great hero, he was already proving it by helping a kid that was being bullied, and Midoriya couldn’t get in the way of that, so why did it make him so angry? It didn’t make sense.

(He was angry because deep down he knew if he told poeple he wouldn't be getting in the way. Kacchan had made his own choices. Midoriya was aware he'd never done anything that warrented how he was treated.

But he still never told anyone.)

He should be happy that Kacchan was learning and growing but he couldn’t find it in himself. Not when the voice in his head that put him down every time he screwed up was his.

Not when he found himself muttering ‘stupid Deku’ anytime he did something wrong.

The back of his eyes stung. He hated that he cried when he was angry. It was something him and Kacchan had in common.

“I-“

“If you’re not in your seats in the next five seconds you’re all staying an extra half hour after class.”

Midoriya had never been so happy to hear Aizawa’s voice.

-

-

It was on the way out of homeroom that Kacchan shoved him into the wall on his way past.

-

He grit his teeth and let his shoulder’s tense.

-

-

“Midoriya, I’d like to speak to you after class.”

Shit. As if the day could get any worse. Midoriya had felt a weird mix of emotions all day, like he had somehow absorbed some of Kacchan’s anger and reverted back to middle school at the same time.

The day had been awkward, conversation with anyone outside of Uraraka and Iida was stilted and almost painful to get through, and even talking to them wasn’t as easy as it usually was. He couldn’t get the look on Iida’s face when he told him ‘he wasn’t being heroic’ out of his head.

He realised it was funny how it worked. When Kacchan stood up to bullies everyone treated him like he could do no wrong. When Midoriya did it, the way he’d done his whole life, he was hit for it. Ridiculed for it.

And he didn’t want praise or attention, that was never why he acted. But thinking about it still hurt. Still made the spikes sharper because how was that fair?  Out of the two of them how was it Midoriya who wasn’t being heroic?

He was aware of the irony. Trying to stand up to bullies was one of the ways he found out that the world wasn’t fair in the first place.

And then the bell rang, and Midoriya realised he’d been zoned out for most of class. No one spoke to him as they packed up and slowly left the room, and the horrible feeling of isolation that he was far too familiar with was creeping up his throat.

“I’ll see you back at the dorms okay Deku?” Uraraka said and Midoriya felt like he could breathe again and the nausea faded slightly.

“Okay, thanks.” She squeezed his shoulder on the way past. It took effort not to wince at the touch.

And then the room was empty apart from him and Mr Aizawa. Midoriya left his bag by his desk as he made his way up to the front of the room.

He swallowed. “Mr Aizawa?”

Aizawa looked up from the papers in front of him, eyes pink and tired as per usual and he sighed. “What’s wrong with you, problem child?”

Oh. Maybe he hadn’t been himself today but he wasn’t that bad, right?

“What-What do you mean?”

“I mean that all day you haven’t been paying attention or talking to any of your friends. And as much as I hate it I'm responsible for your well being. So what happened?”

“I- Kacchan did something. And it just- it’s made me think about some things.”

“Is this about the video of him?” He nodded in affirmation. “Why would it bother you? I thought you’d be happy Bakugo was finally showing a softer side.”

And Midoriya snapped before he even realised what he was saying. “Why does Kacchan get away with being pissed all the time, and the minute I am everyone’s acting like I’ve done something wrong?”

“Problem Child-“

“My names Midoriya. Not Problem child or Deku or-“ He swallowed. Taking a breath. What was he saying. “Sorry.”

Aizawa frowned.

“Okay Midoriya.” And his voice had an undertone to it, but Izuku didn’t think about it. “Why is it bothering you so much?”

And Midoriya had a choice here. He could tell him the truth and finally get it off his chest or he could lie and keep Kacchan’s reputation and get over it- but right now-right now he couldn’t bring himself to care about Kacchan’s reputation.

“When someone hurts you for years, seeing them get praised by the media and everyone around you, for stopping a bully-” he paused trying to think of the right words. “Sucks.”

It was weak and underwhelming but it worked. Aizawa didn’t looked confused, but curious. Midoriya ran a hand through his hair. Emotions were hard.

“I’m-I’m allowed to be angry, right? I’m allowed to be angry.”

“You’re angry about the video because Bakugo has hurt you?”

And he let out a bitter laugh. This had been building since he’d woken up this morning. Scratch that. This had been building for months. Years.

“What? You think I’m just like this because of genes or something?” He gestured to himself. “That the scars really got there by me walking into a door or accidentally falling down the stairs? Or-or the name Deku, I just decided to start calling myself useless one day when I was four? Or I love burning things I’ve worked on for months?- and he-he just gets away with it every time. And for the first time in his life he stands up for a kid who needs help, who could’ve been me and everyone calls him a hero.”

And he’s pacing but he doesn’t care and he’s never said any of this out loud before but all he can think about is standing in front of that boy when he was four, Kacchan opposite him, hands flashing with explosions and Midoriya raising his own shaking fists even though he knows he has no chance of winning-

“And we both act like it's gonna be my fault if I tell someone what he did and he has to deal with the consequences of it but it’s not. It’s his because he’s the one who did those things, and maybe- maybe-“

Maybe he doesn’t deserve to be a hero.

-

Except that wasn’t true was it. Because he had helped that kid earlier.

-

He stopped. His eyes stung. His throat ached.

“And apparently now he knows it’s wrong.” He paused. “And he’s still never said sorry.”

The silence in the room was palpable until-

“You are allowed to be angry Midoriya.”

And Midoriya breathed.

Chapter Text

Midoriya’s tongue felt like sand paper in his mouth. His throat ached.

He was right to be angry.

No one had ever said that to him before.

“Kid?”

He blinked.

Once.

Twice.

His gaze was blurred at the edges.

“Crap.” He muttered, swiping under his eyes with the heel of his hand. “I didn’t mean to cry- I just-“

He wasn’t sure how he was meant to finish the sentence. The realisation of what he said was still catching up to him as the anger began to simmer down (slightly) (he could still feel it pulsing under his skin). He had decided to tell Aizawa. He had made the active decision to at least give Aizawa some insight into what was going on and he wasn’t sure if he regretted it yet.

“You don’t have to apologise Midoriya.” He leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on the table. “I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner. Now that you've said it, It’s obvious that you and Bakugo have bad history.”

“Then why didn’t you do anything?” The words came out without his permission. He kept going anyway. “If it was so obvious Kacchan and I had history why didn’t you do anything?”

And the silence that followed was uncomfortable and Midoriya felt the familiar sting in the back of his eyes.

And Aizawas face fell slightly, barely noticeable except Midoriya was looking for any kind of reaction.

“I don’t have a good answer.” He said eventually. “But if you can tell me what happened, I want to fix that.”

He was glad that Aizawa was being as level headed as ever. He hadn’t expected anything less. Aizawa was frowning and his hand had tightened marginally around the pen he was holding but he was calm and Midoriya needed that to ground him.

Except maybe he had expected less, because teachers and Midoriya had never had the best track record, and just by how fast his heart was beating he could tell he was internally waiting for the fallout. For the accusation that it was his fault-

you need to stop annoying him

just stay out of his way

stop mumbling so much and maybe you won’t attract so much attention

stop being dramatic.

(he was angry he was angry he was angry he was angryhewasangryhewasanrgyhewasanrgry)

It was ironic because he’d never directly told a teacher apart from the time when he was ten and he ended up being moved to the other side of the room so his desk wasn’t directly in front of Kacchan’s. Which was one of the only times he could think of where someone had actually intervened, however mildly.

The teachers always saw though, Midoriya knew they did. And in the aftermath of a new scorch mark on his desk or Kacchan interrupting the class, telling him to ‘shut the fuck up Deku’ he was always blamed for it. (Why the hell was he blamed for it?)

It was fine. It was normal. (It wasn't fine. It wasn't fair)

If Aizawa was going to get annoyed at him he was prepared for that and he hated it. (He shouldn't have had to be prepared)

“Midoriya, this is important. You need to tell me what happened.”

He was acting like he cared. No one ever cared. His hand curled into a fist at his side, blunt fingernails digging into his skin.

“Now?” He felt heavy. He hadn’t been expecting this to happen today. Honestly, he hadn’t been expecting this to happen ever. It was too much, too quickly. He could feel One for All under his skin.

Aizawa frowned as he looked at him, eyes raking across his face and Midoriya felt himself getting increasingly uncomfortable under his gaze.

“If you’d prefer, you can wait until tomorrow. You seem tired.”

“Yeah,” He swallowed, breathing out deeply. “Yeah, maybe that would be best.”

It would give him time to calm down. Gather his thoughts. Not feel the urge to punch something (he hated feeling like this. It was what he imagined Kacchan felt like all the time)

“Okay,” Aizawa said, and he sighed, leaning back in his seat. “I’m going to hold you to that Midoriya. I expect you to meet me in my office tomorrow after school. This isn’t something I’m going to brush under the rug because you decide you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Right.”

Aizawa didn’t looked convinced.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He hated it. It felt like middle school even if the situations couldn’t have been more different. “I just- I want to be left alone. It’s fine.”

Aizawa shook his head. “Okay. Head back to the dorms, make yourself some tea, you need it.”

“Right.” His eyes found the ground. “and I-thank you Mr Aizawa, I didn’t mean to-you know.”

“Midoriya it’s natural to be angry. After what you just told me I'm angry. You just need to be able to handle it properly. You can’t bottle it in and wait for something to set you off.” He looked at the clock. “But we can talk about that tomorrow. I need to hear the whole story. And I need to speak to Bakugo.”

His stomach sank like a pile of rocks. He hadn’t been thinking about the consequences. He hadn’t really cared, because Kacchan hadn’t had to deal with the consequences so why should he.

Except now Kacchan probably would have to deal with the consequences because he could sense Aizawa’s disappointment like it was a tangible being. And Midoriya knew it wasn’t directed at him.

So, what did that mean? What would happen to Kacchan? -Because Kacchan could be an amazing hero and they couldn’t just rip that away from him, because they all saw it, Midorya included. (Midoriya was only one person compared to the hundreds of others Kacchan could save) He was getting better, he helped people who needed help (just not Midoriya. Why not him?)- but it wasn’t fair to just leave it.

He took a breath.

“Thank you, Mr Aizawa,” he said again, not knowing how else he was meant to end the conversation. And his shoulders felt just that little bit lighter as he started making his way toward the door. Still, He wanted to get out. The room felt too clausterphobic and he needed to burn of steam that wouldn't go anywhere with just talking. He needed to go to the gym, or on a run, or just anything that wasn't talking about it right now. It probably wasn't a healthy way of dealing with emotions. But anger wasn't one Midoriya was good at.

He had never told anyone before.

He’d never told anyone before.

That wasn’t how he’d imagined telling anyone.

“You don’t need to thank me.” Aizawa said just before he closed the door, “I should’ve said something sooner.”

The door swung softly shut behind him, taking refuge in the empty hall. The grey fog that had been clouding his head all day was beginning to get just slightly clearer. He’d talked to Aizawa. He didn’t think it would be as much of a relief as it was. The ants were retreating, and the spikes were rounding off at the ends and for the first time all day he felt like he could take a comfortable breath and feel like he was breathing.

“Midoriya?”

He flinched. Hard.

“Sorry.” And it took half a second to recognise the voice. Todoroki. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Midoriya winced a little at that and let out a breath as he turned around to face him, taking note of the frustration on his face. ‘It’s fine,” he said, measured, and then came the confusion. “What are you doing?”

“Waiting for you. You seemed upset; I didn’t want you to accidentally break something.”

He almost smiles at that. Almost. He wasn’t ready yet. “I haven’t done that in months.”

“Three weeks actually.”

“I didn’t realise you were keeping count.”

He shrugged. “We just want to make sure you’re not hurting yourself.”

Midoriya opened his mouth to interject but Todoroki continued before he could. “But I think we were focusing to much on the physical.” And then he frowned to himself. “I’m not very good at this. But we’re your friends Midoriya. And I am prepared to hit Bakugo.”

Friends. Friends was a concept that Midoriya more so heard about then he ever actually experienced. The years growing up by himself outweighed the time he’d spent at UA, the time he spent with Uraraka or Iida or Todoroki because in his experience his only ‘friend’ ended up looking at him like he was the dirt on the bottom of his shoes. It made him aware of just how much this meant to him that they cared. It was nice to have real friends who cared.

“Thank you. You don’t have to do that.”

“You’d do it for us.”

The hallway fell silent.

Until Todoroki broke it.

“I know it’s not the same thing.” He said, not looking at him, gaze fixed on the end of the hall. And his voice sounded loud in the silence. “But I think I understand.”

Midoriya almost stopped. Todoroki kept walking.

“Endeavour. He’s a hero, a great one.” He paused and Midoriya recognised the bitterness in his tone, understood instantly what it felt like. And Midoriya would’ve been surprised Todoroki was telling him this, but he’d always been surprisingly open about Endeavour. He was never actively hiding it after the sports festival. Not around Midoriya at least. “But he’s not one to me. I-I understand what it’s like having everyone around you think one thing when you know it’s not true.”

“I don’t-it’s not-“

“I've noticed you react the same way to Bakugo as I do to my dad when he raises his hand. Even if it’s just to reach something.”

His stomach sank at the realisation because he wasn’t wrong.

“Oh.”

Beyond that anger flamed in his gut at the mention of Endeavour, at the idea that Todoroki felt the need to flinch away from him.

“And I overheard you talking to Mr Aizawa.” Todoroki continued. “But that was an accident.”

“Oh.”

“Can I ask you something Midoriya?”

It was fine. It was Todoroki. “Yeah.”

“Why did you never tell any of us?”

Oh. He couldn’t answer because he didn’t have a good answer. Deflect.

(He couldn’t say it was because he didn’t want to ruin Kacchan’s chances at becoming a hero (because who was he, one person among the hundreds Kacchan would save)

(because in middle school everybody knew. No one cared)

“Why didn’t you tell anyone about Endeavour?”

“We’re not talking about me.”

He held back a sigh, shoulders sagging. He was tired and frustration was beginning to well up again at the thought. Not heroic to tread on someone else’s achievements “You saw how they reacted when I said something earlier.”

“None of them heard what I just did.”

“You weren’t-“ He took a breath. “You weren’t meant to hear that.”

“Midoriya I don’t know what you’re not getting about this but I’m also allowed to be angry at how he treated you. And I don’t understand why you just let it happen.”

You just let it happen. You just let it happen. The words rang in his ears.

How many times had he been told that?

The backs of his eyes stung suddenly.

“I don’t just let it happen.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“How else could you have meant it.”

“I meant now. I meant you internalise it. You have friends and people you can trust. If you can actually tell them what's going on then you don’t have to hold it all in until something like this happens. Uraraka and I both noticed their was something off with you today."

Having friends, real friends. Was nice

“Oh.” He paused. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I just-I’m not used to people genuinely trying to-to do something.” He finished lamely.

“Neither am I, but you still helped me.”

“I-thank you Todoroki.” He pushed open to the doors leading to the front of the school. The dorms were still on campus, five minutes away.

“I’m your friend. " Todoroki said as he held open the door for him. "And it’s like you said, you shouldn’t have to thank me for doing the bare minimum.”

XxX

There was the familiar low mumbling practically echoing when they walked through the door that somehow got even quieter when they noticed him there. And the entire situation felt far too much like middle school for Midoriya to be comfortable. He felt like everyone’s eyes were on him despite the fact the Momo and Jirou had already gone back to their homework and Kaminari and Mineta had gone back their video game and in reality it was just Sero and Kirishima looking at him with mild confusion. But it made the ants under his skin come back. He wanted to vomit. And yell. And he didn’t know why.

You’re not like, jealous, or something, are you?

“Hey Midoriya,” it was Kirishima. Kirishma hadn’t done anything. “Everything okay?”

He was so nice. (Why was Kacchan friends with him but Midoriya wasn’t good enough?)

And Midoriya opened his mouth to answer because Kirishima hadn't actually done anything-But someone else answered before he could.

“The nerd's fine.” Midoriya could practically hear the eyeroll behind the words. His hands tightened into fists at his sides and he felt Todoroki step slightly closer. “Oi Deku, I need to talk to you.”

He glanced away from Kirishima to meet Kacchan’s red gaze on the other side of the room where he leaned lazily against the doorframe to the stairway.

Last time Kacchan had asked him to talk it hadn’t gone well. Last time they’d talked Kacchan had challenged him to a fight and wouldn’t take no for answer when Midoriya told him to wait.

When Midoriya said he wouldn’t be his punching bag anymore.

Midoriya wasn’t going to be his fucking punching bag.

He could hear his heart beat in his ears. The sharp points of the spikes worked their way up under his skin-

He didn't move. He wasn't going to follow Kacchan again like he wanted him to. He was done with today.

(the memory of standing in front of Kacchan, shaking fists raised)

(If you don't stop hurting him, then I'll stop you myself)

(not very heroic)

"Fine." he said, loud enough for everyone in the common room to hear. If Kacchan wanted to talk about this then fine. "Talk."

Chapter Text

"What the fuck Deku?”

“What?” It was a struggle to keep his voice steady. “If there’s something you want to say to me you can say it in front of everyone. Right?”

Kacchan scoffed. “Are you seriously doing this now?”

“That only depends on what you wanted to talk about.”

He could feel Kirishima’s eyes on him, flicking between Kacchan and back again. “Guys this seems like a you thing. I don’t know if you should drag the class into it.”

“There shouldn’t be any problem.” Todoroki interjected and Midoriya was glad that he hadn’t had to be the one who said it.

He wondered how far Kacchan would go with everyone watching. In middle school he rarely had a problem calling him out with everyone watching- they always laughed. He bit his tongue at the thought, and automatcally tried forcing it down.

Besides, Kirishima was also right. He wasn’t being fair. They should be talking about this privately, in their own time.

But Kacchan should have no problem saying what he wanted to say to him with everyone here. There shouldn’t be a problem because it should be something he could say in front of their classmates, their friends, without fear retribution.

And although, almost all recent interactions had been civil, or as civil as they could be, It still didn’t make Midoriya feel any more confident about the idea of going somewhere alone with Kacchan. Especially if it was just going to lead to what it always did. Midoriya wasn’t in the mood to fight. So anywhere among people would be best. He could deal with the consequences later.

(He just wanted Kacchan to understand)

(He wanted to understand)

“Jesus, I fucking hate you Deku.” It felt more like he was talking to himself then any of them.

Kirishima raised an eyebrow in warning. “Dude.”

Kacchan glared at Kirishima for a second before turning his gaze back to Midoriya. He stood up from where he leaned against the wall and scowled. Midoriya automatically felt himself tense slightly at the movement.

“I want you to know that since you’re being an asshole about it, you’re not going to believe a fucking word I say.”

His eyebrows furrowed. What-

“You were-“ he stopped, glare becoming harder as his gaze drifted around the room. Anywhere but on him. It was-it was weird and so unlike Kacchan and Midoriya had no idea what was going to come next and that made him nervous. For everything he hated about it, a yelling Kacchan was predictable, a confident Kacchan was predictable- one who wouldn’t meet his eyes wasn’t.

“Fuck it.” He finally muttered. “What you said in class. You were right asshole.”

He spat the words like it was an insult. Even if it was the closest to complimenting him that Kacchan had ever got. And that was weird. It took a second to register the words and it made Midoriya’s breathing a little more difficult when they finally computed.

You were right

The silence in the room somehow seemed to get even louder.

“What?”

“I’m not fucking saying it again.”

“I-“

“I already told Dunce Face and Pinky to knock it off with all the fucking praise. It’s weird.”

(Midoriya opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t find the words)

“And so is the fucking media, wouldn’t be doing shit like this if it was you, or Shitty Hair.”

That was-that was true. He wasn’t sure what to say. None of what Kacchan said was anything he’d prepared for.

“What?” Kacchan continued, the irritation in his voice increasing. Of course it was. He had just made Kacchan admit that he was right in front of people. “Were you expecting me to drag you outside to fucking beat you up or some shit?”

Green eyes met red.

That broke him out of his stupor. He blinked more out of disbelief than anything, but the twitch of irritation also made a reappearance. ”Why-why are you acting like that hasn’t happened before?”

At that Kirishima sat up a little, “Bro what?”

“Fuck Deku. Are you seriously still on that shit from middle school?”

“Middle school? Kacchan it hasn’t been long since we got off house arrest-“

His eyes flashed dangerously and Midoriya knew it wasn’t a topic they should be discussing freely about in front of the class (they shouldn’t be arguing in front of the class at all-this was their business-theirs.) but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“We both know that was fucking different.”

“How?” he snapped.

“Because you could fucking fight back this time!”

-

-

And it took all of two seconds for the implication to hit.

-

-

It was Kirishima who reacted first. He pushed himself of the couch. “Wait, dude. What the hell do you mean he could fight back this time?”

No one spoke. The silence was suffocating. He couldn’t breathe.

The implication was so glaringly obvious and Midoriya hadn’t even have to say anything.

He couldn’t breathe.

“Midoriya?” He vaguely recognised Jirou’s voice from where she stood up at the table, softly closing her book.

A hand landed on his shoulder. He knew it was only Todoroki.

He still flinched. But he tensed his jaw.

“I-“ He stopped, took a breath, then started again. “You know what Kacchan’s like when he’s angry.”

And in a way, that was explanation enough. Everyone remembered their first battle trial.

“Bakugo what the hell did you mean?” Kirishima’s voice was low and cautious in a way it never was.

“Ki-“

“Shut up the fuck Deku.” Kacchan’s voice was low and dangerous. It was familiar. “It doesn’t fucking matter anymore, that was years ago.”

the hits, and the firework burns, and the drowned notebooks and the name deku.

Useless.

Worthless.

‘it doesn’t fucking matter’

And the anger was back. Taunt and burning and he didn’t care that there were people around him.

“Of course it matters!” He gave up trying to keep his voice level. “Kacchan I still have scars. They-they don’t just go away!”

His eyes narrowed. “Like you can fucking talk about scars Deku.”

Burning, and red hot and sharp and full of hurt. His eyes stung. He hated that he cried when he was angry.

“Don’t compare the ones I got from my quirk to the ones you gave me because I was quirkless!”

The silence in the room was deafening.

He hadn’t meant to yell that.

He hadn’t meant to tell everyone that.

He was breathing but he felt like he wasn’t taking in any air. Like he couldn’t get his lungs full enough. His chest was burning and his blood felt like it was boiling in his veins-

“Quirkless?” He heard someone mutter somewhere behind him. He ignored them.

All he could focus on was how Kacchan took a step toward him.

“You’ve been a fucking thorn in my side since we were three.” Kacchan’s voice was rough and loud and far too familiar.

“Blasty c’mon, seriously. Leave him alo-“ He shoved of Kirishima’s hand when he tried to reach for him. Barely even acknowledging it.

“It’s not my fucking fault you kept following me till it got that bad!” He continued.

“I just wanted to be your friend!”

“And I fucking didn’t.” Kacchan's hands were clenched into fists at his sides, wafts of smoke coming up from between his fingers. “You fucking followed me around because you could never take no as an answer. You never just backed the fuck off.”

“You know that’s not true-“

“Are you sure? Because I remember doing everything I fucking could to get rid of you and you still fucking followed me to UA.”

“I didn’t follow you to UA. I would’ve tried for it whether you were going to or not. Whether you wanted me to or not.”

Take a swan dive of the roof

“You were quirkless and useless and fucking trying to undermine every-fucking-thing I was doing.”

This time Kirishima latched a hardened arm around Kacchan’s shoulder. “Bakugo. What the hell? Back off.”

“I never did anything! I was never looking down on you, or undermining you,” Midoriya could barely believe he had to say it. They’d been over this before. He needed him to understand. “I only ever wanted to help-“

Kacchan shoved off Kirishima’s arm, palms crackling “And I don’t need your fucking help. I have never fucking needed your help Deku-”

Deku.

“I’m not useless!”

The words came out of his mouth without his permission.

Kacchan stalked forward, Midoriya moved back. It was familiar movement.

“Fucking tell that to the kid you’re pissed I helpe-”

-

Take a swan dive of the roof.

-

“Why couldn’t you have done the same for me-” He almost choked on the words. “Why did you tell me to kill myself?“

And for half a second time stopped.

“Guys enough!”  With help from Sero, Kirishima finally managed to drag Bakugo back a few steps. He thrashed against their hold. "Bakugo stop!”

Kacchan's hands sparked and Midoriya unconsciously took a step back. Todoroki was suddenly standing between them.

Midoriya’s heart was beating too fast. His lungs hurt. His sight blurred in front of him and he swore there were more voices muttering behind him but he could barely hear it over the roar in his ears. He swallowed and the world marginally focused around him. His throat ached, and his hands were tensed so tightly into fists he could feel bruises forming where his blunt fingernails had dug into his palms.

He'd just said that. He'd just said that out loud in front of everybody. Part of him felt slightly sick when he noticed how pale Kacchan's face went. He looked away, avoiding his gaze.

Raising a hand to his own face he noticed his cheeks were wet.

“Deku?” The voice was soft. Uraraka. Midoriya almost sagged at the sound, but he didn’t. He wasn’t sure when she came down the stairs. How much she'd heard. It was fine, Midoriya had told her about Kacchan before, she was the only person he'd told. But he'd never told her this part.

He turned slowly, ignoring the pit in his stomach it left to turn away from Kacchan as he hissed at Sero and Kirishima. He looked up to meet her eyes. Vaguely he registered that Momo and Jirou were standing next to her and Kaminari was staring over his shoulder, and he stayed like that for a couple of seconds before making his way around Midoriya, and Midoriya could just make out what he was saying. ‘Bakugo what the actual fuck?’

Midoriya blocked them out.

“Yeah Uraraka?” His voice didn’t shake as much as he thought it would.

“Come on, come upstairs.” She grabbed his hand, and he had to stop himself from pulling away at her touch. “Momo can you make some tea?”

Momo shook her head as if she’d been woken from a reverie. “Of course, of course, I’ll bring it up in a minute.”

“No, it’s oka-“

“Midoriya it’s fine.” It was Todoroki who spoke this time. “They’re right. Go upstairs.” He looked over his shoulder. “Kirishima will deal with him. We have a lot to talk about.”

“I-“

“Go.”

And he did.

Xxx

It was when Midoriya, Todoroki and Uraraka finally went upstairs that Bakugo shoved Kirishima off, letting off a series of explosions in his palms, the excessive sweat making them slightly bigger than he planned.

Better that then seeing the fucking look on Kirishima’s face. Like he’d kicked a damn puppy. Fuck, he'd been feeling weird about the whole situation already and this was not helping. Now he just felt fucking sick. Shit. He clenched hs hands into fists to stop his palms from crackling.

Tape arms and Dunce Face staring at him wasn't helping either.

“Dude, What the fuck?” It was Shitty Hair. Of course it was. Shitty Hair was one of the only people to call him out when he fucked up.

This time he hadn’t actually meant to. He tried to do something fucking good for once in his fucking life, because All Might said heroes should help people, and he tried and he fucked it up.

Fuck social media. Fuck whoever filmed him. Fuck Deku.

(Fuck those kids because it reminded Katsuki that he was like that and hated it)

(And he felt guilt worm its way into his bones till it made him feel sick but all he could feel was anger and he didn't know why)

“What?” he snapped, because they wouldn't stop staring at him.

“Don’t be an idiot.” Kaminari said. And wasn’t that rich coming from him. He scowled.

“Are you seriously all on Deku’s side about this? I haven’t talked to the nerd all fucking day and he fucking confronts me about helping someone and you’re all pissed at me?”

He hadn't been expecting praise for it. He hadn't been expecting anyone to find out about it. But this- he had no fucking idea how to deal with this because what the hell could he say? At this point looking back he didn't think he'd even be able to justify the things he'd done.

Because there was no way he could fucking justify that. No one could. And Katsuki couldn’t even really fault Deku for being mad, he couldn’t say the outburst was entirely unexpected, especially since he began reflecting on the past more then he had before.

“Yes.” Kirishima snapped, and he blinked himself out of his thoughts at the sound of his voice. “Because we all just heard a lot of things we don’t want to be true and you're not even trying to deny it!”

And the defences slammed up. “Why the fuck do you care?”

“Because Midoriya's my friend!" And Katsuki wasnt sure he'd ever heard Kirishima yell before. Not really. "Why don’t you care?

“Shut up.” he growled. 

Kirishima turned away from him and pushed out a breath, running a hand down his face. Like he needed a moment to calm himself. Kaminari slumped down onto the sofa. Tension filled the room.

“Is it true?” Kaminari said, and he sounded tired. “What Midoriya was saying?”

(Sero wouldn't even look at him.)

(Kirishima was still turned away. Arms tensing and untensing. Katsuki wasn't sure if he'd be surprised if Kirishma hit him)

“What part?” he asked, refocusing his gaze on Kaminari.

“All of it.”

The silence was answer enough.

“I was an asshole in middle school.” He said. “And Deku’s quirk fucking came late, but even when he was fucking quirkless he never fucking stopped acting like he was better than me. Like I fucking needed him or-“

(and he knew that wasn't true, All Might told him it wasn't true, but he still couldn't shake it)

“So he was quirkless.” Shitty hair interrupted before they could get any further into their own argument, “You said he couldn’t fight back. He said you told him to kill himself- What the fuck Bakugo?”

“Look it was fucked up okay? I know that.” he snapped. His palms were hot. (Take a swan dive off the roof ) “I know it was fucked up.”

“God, I can’t believe you.” Kirishima turned around, like he couldn’t even look at him. Katsuki scowled. “It makes sense," he continued. "What he said earlier, if you’ve treated him like shit for years.”

“So it doesn’t fucking matter that I’m trying now, right?”

“You need to apologise.”

“No.”

Because even the thought made Katsuki tense and his breathing hitch. Because that meant admittng he was wrong. And that meant admitting he was weak. And that meant admitting he owed Deku something and even if he knew he needed to he couldn't yet. He couldn't. And surely actions mattered more than words. He would apologise when he could, but that would mean fuck all of he didn’t actually try to change his behaviour, and that’s what he was doing, trying to do, even if there were blips.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t considered it before. He had. More than once. Because hero’s weren’t meant to make people flinch away from them. He needed to apologise. He needed to because he'd fucked up and he knew that but he couldn't.

A hero.

He almost scoffed at the thought. Who the fuck was he kidding.

He had fucking tried. He had tried with those kids. Not for validation, not for attention. But because one of them was crying as the other three ganged up and the scene looked far too familiar for Katsuki to just walk past. Something uncomfortable had twisted in his stomach.

The kid he’d helped, when he’d finally got a proper look at him, had big, round eyes, filled with stale tears.

And they looked far too much like Deku’s for comfort.

Chapter Text

“Bakugo, what the hell do you mean no?”

And the disbelief in Kirishima’s voice was almost tangible.

It was hard. To admit he was wrong (and he was) was hard, because that meant that he’d been a fucking bad person (as if he didn’t know that already. He was trying to fix it) and that maybe the villains were right. Except they couldn’t be right, because he was always going to be a hero. He was going to be a hero. And one of the steps to that, was dealing with this, properly, maturely. He could do that. He was better than he was in middle school.

Nausea worked it’s way up his throat.

He grit his teeth. “I know I need to apologise. I know it was fucked up-I just-God, Deku would never stop looking down on me.“ His chest tightened. “Fuck.”

“Bakugo?”

Fuck. Not now. Not here.

His sight started to blur in front of him as Kirishima became nothing more than a blob of red and he tried to take another breath. He could feel his heartbeat in his chest.

“I’m fine.” He snapped.

Shit- he was not fine. He tried to take a step back. He needed to leave, but he stumbled slightly, barely noticable. The room around him spun, and fuck he couldn’t do this now. Not here not in front of everyone. What the hell?

“Dude-shit-“ a hand landed on his shoulder. He tore away from it. Breath catching in his throat.

“Don’t touch me.”

Weakweakweakweakweakweakwea-

“Dude, I think-I think you’re having a panic attack you need t-“

“I know what it is.” He snapped

It was hardly the first time he’d had one.

He tried to swallow. Hand catching on the arm of the sofa, and turning his knuckles white as he gripped the fabric. Somehow, he’d known this was coming. He’d been on edge since he’d helped the kid. It had woken up a lot of memories he’d rather ignore and the realisation of fuck he was a fucking bad person. He tried to do what he always did when he was confronted with feelings he didn’t know how to deal with. Fucking repress it and ignore it and pretend that everything was fucking fine. He was fine.

(but Deku wasn’t. And apparently it was his fucking fault)

“Okay, I have to fix it.” He growled. “I don’t fucking know how.”

Kirishima was still hovering near him. But not touching him. “You’ve got to start somewhere small and say sorry.”

“And how the fuck do you do that? I don’t know how the fuck I’m meant to do that.”

He hadn’t exactly been surrounded by people who regretted their actions for most of his life. It was a new development for someone to say sorry if they went too far. And it always caught him off guard. He guessed it was part of the reason arguments went on for so long at home. He didn’t think he’d ever heard the hag apologise to him, not after yelling, not after slapping him to keep him line, and he didn’t apologise to her either. It just didn’t happen.

He’d never thought about it much until now.

God, no fucking wonder those arguments went on for so long. They were both too stubborn. Too prideful.

“I don’t know how to explain-you just do it.” Kirishima paused. And Katsuki wished he would keep talking. It would give him something to focus on. “Do you want to apologise?”

He hesitated.

“Fourteen year old me was an asshole. Feel fucking bad for anyone who had to interact with him.”

And now that he'd said it out loud he knew it was true. At least that wasn’t hard to admit. On the other hand, Deku had been annoying as shit.

But Katsuki was getting better now. He knew he was. And he understood what everyone around him was saying, hearing it thrown back at him- the rawness in Deku’s voice- past pain and hurt and the underlying anger that Katsuki has seen glimpses of for years but Deku never verbalised till now. But he wasn’t about to let them take that improvement away from him, from them. He wasn’t about to let their image of him go back to that. Not after everything he’d worked to improve. Not after him and Deku has started to get along a little better. Because they did. Not after he made an effort to get over his pride and accept help and help people. Even if it was only little by little.

“There weren’t people like you. Or teachers like Aizawa when we were in middle school.” Kirishima opened his mouth to say something. Bakugo beat him to it. “And I know it’s not a fucking excuse. I’m not trying to excuse it. But no one ever told me what I was doing was wrong, they almost encouraged it. It was fucked.”

“Oh, wow that’s messed up.” Kirishima muttered, like he was barely talking to him.

Katsuki watched as he slumped down onto the sofa, running hand down his face. “I don’t-I don’t know what to do with this. Clearly you were an asshole, and you still are but- I don’t-“ He looked up at him. “You wouldn’t say that now, right? Not to Midoriya, not to anyone.”

“Of course not. After I said it a couple of the assholes that followed me around called me out on it- but I was angry, and had too much fucking pride.”

(And the look of relief that flooded Kirishima’s face made his stomach turn.)

“So not that different then.” Kaminari said and it sounded like he meant it as a joke, but Katsuki glowered at him.

“Shut up Dunce.”

And he had the ability to actually look regretful. Like Katsuki fucking deserved it after what they'd just heard. “Sorry. Bad time. I’m just trying to process all of this. I’m really fucking mad at you right now.”

And that made him angrier. “How the fuck do you do it so easily?”

“What?”

“Apologise.”

It was silent for a second.

“Dude.”

xxx

Uraraka, Todoroki and hadn’t let him out of their sight for the rest of the day. He’d gone up to Uraraka’s room, jittery and shaking and feeling the need to be alone but they all crowded on the floor together, sat in a circle, and asked Izuku questions about middle school he didn’t really want to answer.

And then sensing his discomfort Todoroki began to shift the conversation to other things. Or at least tried to. Conversation was never his area of expertise but Izuku appreciated the thought. But eventually questions and conversation did simmer down to All Might, or the most recent test, or how far, realistically, Uraraka would be able to float a skyscraper before she got sick.

And gradually Izuku felt himself begin to calm down, and the adrenaline that had been coursing through him since he woke up, began to dissipate. And he breathed a little easier.

(Except they were all aware of the fact that Iida wasn't there and none of them wanted to bring it up so they were just ignoring it but it didn't feel right. At the same time Midoriya was happy Iida wasn't there because he had no idea what he would say, but then he felt bad for thinking that because Iida was his friend.)

(It's not heroic to tread on someone else's achievements)

And the reality that him and Kacchan told their history to everyone hit. And he didn’t know how to feel about it.

It was something of an unspoken agreement between them that they just weren’t going to mention it- at least in front of people-when they hadn’t even sorted it out with each other yet.

So that had kind of been blown out of the water.

But he didn’t think he felt bad about it. He didn’t want to. Izuku knew that he gave into guilt too easily and this time he didn’t want to. It was Kacchan’s own actions that warranted the response.

A few hours later Izuku had finally be able to escape to his room, with reassurances that he was okay, and that everything was fine and that he was going to talk to Aizawa.

He did his homework, he didn’t go down for dinner (he didn’t want to see what mess the common rooms would be in. He had no idea if Kacchan was still down there) and then he tried to lie down and go to sleep.

It didn’t work.

-

-

-

He wasn’t sure how long he lay there for before he decided to go downstairs. He was hungry. Maybe there would be leftovers in the fridge. And it was-he checked his phone-2:33 AM. Everyone should be in bed at this point.

-

-

-

Except there was a light was on in the kitchen.

-

-

-

He decided to go in anyway. In retrospect he should’ve expected it to be Kacchan.

He was standing next to the stove, knife in hand as he chopped up some peppers. Izuku quietly closed the kitchen door behind him, loudly enough to let him know he was there. And Instantly Kacchan’s head snapped over his shoulder and they met eyes.

Izuku didn’t look away.

“Are you cooking?” he asked finally. It was stupid question

“The hell does it look like dumbass?”

“Like you're cooking.”

Kacchan shot him a deadpan look at that, and then scraped the vegetables into the pan.

“What do you want Deku?”

The tension in the room was palpable.

“I didn’t come down for dinner earlier. I wanted to get something to eat.”

He scoffed. “And none of your friends brought you anything?”

“I asked them not to.”

Kacchan turned to look at him and Izuku wasn’t able to read his gaze. “Are you avoiding them or something?”

“No. No of course not. " He felt defensive. (He wasn't afraid of Kacchan anymore.) "I’m just tired. Today was a lot.”

“Fuckin’ wonder why.” Kacchan scraped the onions into the pan.

“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true Kacchan.” He said as the coil in his stomach tightened slightly. Kacchan seemed tired, and as angry as ever but it seemed quiet. Subdued.

It was 2 AM and they were here by themselves and they’d known each other since they were practically babies. Sometimes things were different when they weren’t surrounded by everyone. There wasn’t so much of an act-whatever that meant.

“You can’t make me responsible for your actions just because I told people.” He continued.

“Fuck off, asshole. I know.”

The pan sizzled as the oil heated up. Izuku sat down on one of the chairs by the counter, one hand curling around his other arm.

And then they sat in silence for a few minutes. Izuku didn’t even know what he was waiting for. At this point he could’ve stolen some of Sero’s cereal and booked it upstairs but he didn’t. Instead fixing his gaze on the floor and listening to the sizzling of the pan.

“You know I didn’t mean it, right?”

Kacchan’s voice interrupted the quiet. He looked up and Kacchan still wasn’t looking at him. Eyes fixed on the food in front of him. But his shoulders were tense.

He didn’t have to clarify what he was talking about.

They both knew.

(take a swan dive of the roof)

“I know.” Izuku said.

Then paused.

And he had known. At least he had hoped. But that never made it better. And he didn’t think hearing Kacchan confirm he hadn’t meant it would make his throat close up the way it did.

“I-I still don’t understand why you said it. You know you should never say that to anybody right? Whether you mean it or not.”

“I know.” And he wasn’t expecting it to be as much of a relief as it was to get the conformation. “I shouldn’t have said it. Or done the other shit I did. We’re not friends, I don’t think we’ll ever be friends but you didn’t deserve that.”

His gaze was still fixed on Kacchan’s back. And he ignored the part of himself that had always wanted to be Kacchan's friend that was leaping at this opportunity, that was still five years old and wanted to follow the cool kid around.

(I just wanted to be your friend)

“No one does.” Is what he said in response. Kacchan hadn't actually said sorry. And he wasn't ready to forgive him. Not yet.

The silence was unfamiliar and uncomfortable

“Fuck it.” Kacchan muttered and turned around. Red eyes, blazing with anger and something Midoriya couldn’t quite pin down, met green. “You were the reason I stepped in for that kid the other day. He reminded me of you. Of us when we were younger- I couldn’t let it happen again. I meant what said earlier nerd, I didn’t do it for the damn media attention.”

Izuku-Izuku wasn’t sure how he was meant to feel about that.

“I didn’t mean to make it sound like you shouldn’t have helped him.” he said instead. “It just pissed me off.”

“Fuck, you swearing Deku? Must’ve been bad.”

“Shut up.” He said, but his lip twitched involuntarily. And then the reality of what they were talking about crashed back over him, and the fact that they could even talk like they were now was a miracle. Back in middle school he never could’ve imagined this happening and that was the problem. Kacchan may have been different now but it didn’t erase everything he’d done. Midoriya still had the right to call him out on it. That had been drilled into him all afternoon-that he had the right to be angry-that his friends were all angry for him.

But it was nice to have the reminder that things had changed. It wasn’t perfect, they weren’t friends. But it was better, they could hold a conversation, they could train together. Kacchan knew about One for All.

Kacchan could admit that he shouldn’t have treated Izuku the way he did.

Kacchan from a year ago never would’ve done that.

It wasn’t much. But it was something. His throat ached slightly.

“Look,” he said. “We needed to talk about it-but I shouldn’t have done it like that. In front of everyone. I was angry.”

“And I shouldn’t have thrown your stalker notebook into a fountain nerd, shut the fuck up.” Kacchan paused. “Besides, if I fucking understand anything it’s being angry.”

In Kacchan terms he knew that meant that Kacchan felt Izuku had the right to do what he did because he'd treated him like shit and he wasn't denying it. It wasn't much but it was something, something that really shouldn't be a big deal. He had to remind himself. He didn't want to fall back into being complacent again. It was something any decent person would do. Izuku wasn't about to give him a fanfare because he was able to admit he was wrong. It was the bare minimum he could do.

Izuku was still angry. Change didn’t erase the years of hurt. He swallowed thickly, the backs of his eyes stung slightly.

Sometimes he just didn’t want to acknowledge it because it didn’t feel fair and the smallest things could send him spiralling back to what it was like in middle school. 

“Aizawa wants to talk to you tomorrow.” He said, looking down at the table, changing the subject. And also because he felt Kacchan deserved to know. “I kind of ranted to him after class.”

And he'd almost forgotten about that until he mentioned it but now that was something else he was going to have to work out. He had no idea what he was meant to say. Izuku felt awkward enough talking about everything as it was. He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to sit under Aizawa's gaze and recount everything that was deeply personal an that he'd never really told anyone. let alone a teacher.

(The teachers had always seen before. But they never did anything. They always said they cared until Midoriya had tried to go to them for help)

(Eventually he learned to stop going to them for help. He knew nothing would come of it. He knew somehow he'd always end up with the brunt of the blame)

“First teacher to actually do something, right?”

Midoriya lowered his head at the fact Kacchan knew that.

“Something like that.” He licked his lips. “I don’t want him to expel you.” And he’d thought about that a lot- Kacchan was going to save so many people. And Izuku wasn’t prepared to let that be taken from a world that needed it. “You’re going to be an amazing hero. I just want you to acknowledge everything that you did. I think you know it was wrong and-

“Stop with the damn mumbling Deku.”

He straightened, hands tensing at his sides. He took a breath. “You know it was wrong, right?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t elaborate and Izuku wasn’t expecting him to. He'd learned to expect very little from Kacchan. This was arguably the longest civil conversation they'd had in years. It was almost ironic.

“Pinky isn’t talking to me.” Kacchan said suddenly as he turned back to the pan. “Shitty Hair told her what happened.”

“Yeah, well no one talked to me all of middle school. You’ll get used to it.” His tone was hard and bitter. He hadn't been expecting it to come out like that and even though it felt mean he didn't want to retract the statement because it was the truth. He had gotten used to the loneliness and isolation. Sometimes he expected it to come creeping back up on him. That his friends would leave. And somehow that had almost happened earlier. At least it felt like it.

As much as he hated to admit it, there was always the mild fear that if anything ever got out everyone would take Kacchan's side. That he'd be by himself again. Maybe that's why he'd never mentioned it until the simmering frustration that had probably been on low heat for years, finally boiled over.

(Not heroic to tread on someone else's achievements)

Surprisingly Kacchan barked out a laugh. “What the fuck Deku?”

"It's not funny." He snapped as defensiveness overtook him. Kacchan was laughing. Why was he laughing?  “Take this seriously!”

“You think I’m not taking this seriously?” and Izuku wasn’t expecting the one-eighty although he probably should’ve been. Kacchan had been tensing on and off since the start of their conversation, hands curling into fists at his sides. “I’ve realised all the shit I’ve done actually affected you, I could be getting fucking expelled tomorrow and the dumbasses who follow me around won’t even look at me Deku, how could I fucking not take this seriously?”

And for a second neither of them said anything. The clock at the back of the room ticked.

"Yeah. It sucks when your friends turn on you right?" The words were sour in his mouth. Sour and slicked with hurt and venom.

“Shit.” Kacchan muttered and then turned back to the food.

Izuku swallowed. Fine. That was enough interaction for tonight. He’d rather leave before they woke someone else up. The anger was returning, slowly curling round his gut. He should've known Kacchan couldn't have a conversation. He grit his teeth. “I’m going to go back to bed." His tone was short. "Night Kacchan.”

He was almost out the door when Kacchan spoke again. “Sit back the fuck down nerd, you haven’t eaten anything dumbass.”

He stopped, and turned around. “What?”

“Sit back down fucker.”

Kacchan opened one of the cupboards, grabbed two bowls and then slammed it closed again.

Izuku moved slowly back into the room, eyebrows furrowed as Kacchan tipped the pan over the bowls, grabbed a fork and then shoved one toward him.

“Eat asshole.”

He looked up to Kacchan who was glaring at his own food, and then back down to his bowl.

He picked up the fork, as he sat back down.

“Thanks Kacchan.”

“Shut the fuck up, Deku.”

They ate in silence.

Chapter Text

Sometimes Midoriya wondered if he was selfish. And sometimes he wondered if it was okay to be selfish sometimes.

Was it selfish to find a small, burning satisfaction in the way Kacchan quickly ate his breakfast by himself that morning before slamming the door behind him without any of his friends so much as looking at him the entire time?

He wondered if that made him a bad person. He didn’t want to think it did. He didn’t think it would be fair if it did.

His spoon clinked against the edge of his bowl. He looked back down into his near full bowl of cereal and didn’t feel particularly hungry.

“Hey Midoriya?”

He jumped slightly but hid it easily, quickly recovering and shoving down the small burst of embarrassment at the half frown Sero was sending him. He needed to get it together.

(Are you like, jealous of him or something?)

“Sorry.” Izuku said, turning around to face him, ignoring the small wave of frustration and hurt. He knew he couldn’t be annoyed at Sero. It wasn’t like anyone had known. Really, he was being unfair to most of the class for their reactions yesterday. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Sero said slowly, and Izuku could feel himself being studied. “I just wanted to say sorry for being a dick to you yesterday. I didn’t know about everything with Bakugo but still, I’m sorry man.”

“Oh.” He hadn’t been expecting that. “Thanks.”

He wasn’t sure what else he was meant to say. Mostly he just felt tired. He didn’t want people to look at him like he was weak just because of his past. He’d spent enough time with people thinking he was weak.

“You don’t have to thank me for that Midoriya. Look, we-If Bakugo does something let us know okay?” He nodded his head toward the rest of the group sitting round the end of the table, Ashido, Kirishima and Kaminari. “It was really messed up.”

“Oh.” He paused. “Right. Thank you.”

“No problem dude. Just try and ignore him okay? He’s an asshole. I mean-we knew he was, but we didn’t think like that. We're um- we're gonna try and talk to him, but I think he's avoiding us.”

He didn’t know what to say because this had never happened before and he honestly wasn’t prepared for it so he just nodded instead. And in response Sero almost moved to slap him on the shoulder on the way past, he knew it was meant to be friendly, but he still braced himself for the hit- the hit that never came. Sero stopped short, and then just stepped around him awkwardly instead, sending him a weak attempt at a smile.

“I’ll see you in class Midoryia.”

“Yeah. You too Sero.”

His shoulders hunched as he curled further over his cereal and still couldn’t eat any of it. It was barely thirty seconds later when a second person called for him, and it just sounded off.

“Morning Midoriya.” And the first thing he registered was that hearing his name in that voice was weird. It almost made him cringe. “How are you feeling?”

“Midori-what?” He turned to face Uraraka, Todoroki standing next to her, leaning slightly back against the counter, hands shoved in his pockets. “Uraraka it’s okay. You can call me Deku.”

He wasn’t sure he would’ve been able to say the same thing yesterday. The name had been grating on his nerves every time he heard it. Somehow having the same feeling of nails running down a blackboard.

But it was his now. His. He had to remember that.

Though some days he felt like he wasn’t strong enough for the reclamation and it hurt. It had meant useless for a lot longer than it meant he could do anything.

The thought made his jaw tense.

“Are you sure Deku?”

You can do it.

“Yeah.” He tried to smile.

And then morning continued as normal, if you ignored the cloud of tension that hung over every room that Midoriya walked into excluding his own.

xxx

It was when they were walking to class that Todoroki finally spoke up. Uraraka had moved ahead to walk with Iida so it just left them. For a few seconds they walked in silence. Midoriya had no idea where to start with everything that had come out last night and Todoroki and social interaction never went great together in the first place. Though Izuku could hardly say he was much better.

“How are you feeling Midoriya?” It was Todoroki that spoke first. And Midoriya realised he wasn’t sure how to respond. It should’ve been simple.

He opened his mouth to answer, a stereotypical ‘fine’ before he realised that wasn’t true. He guessed in a way he was lucky Todoroki kept talking.

“I’m only asking because, I don’t know how I’d feel if what happened between me and Endeavour got out in front of everyone.”

His voice was oddly soft. Understanding. Quiet enough so the others wouldn’t overhear.

“Weird.” Izuku settled on. Because he didn’t know how else to describe it. Things had been the same for so long and now something had shifted.

He kept his gaze ahead of him, fixed on the usual group, minus Kacchan. He had already left the dorms earlier, practically before anyone else had finished breakfast. They were being unusually quiet and he thought back to what Sero had said earlier.

“Part of me wondered what they’d do.” He said and he nodded his chin towards them. “I think sometimes I expected people to take Kacchan’s side. It’s what everyone did in middle school. I think that’s why I never mentioned it.”

“I understand.” And Midoriya hated that they could understand each other on something like this. They shouldn’t have to. “If I spoke out against Endeavour I know what the responses would be. He’s the number two hero. I think we both know who people are more likely to believe.”

“Todoroki-“ he wished that there was something he could do to help.

“It’s fine.” He said. “I’m in the dorms now, even if he is trying-something. It’s not the same for you.”

“I guess. But things have changed since middle school. A lot. Both of us have.” He fixed his gaze on the ground. “I talked to him last night.”

He felt Todoroki tense next to him. “An actual talk or a ground Beta talk?”

“An actual talk. I don’t- we were both tired, and hungry and it just sort of happened.”

“I didn’t think you would’ve wanted to talk to him.”

“I didn’t.” He shook his head. “I just didn’t want him to think it was like middle school again, like I was too afraid to talk to him. Because I’m not. It’s just, he’s so angry all the time and I never know what going to set him off and like, sometimes we can try and talk and other times it feels like I’m annoying him by just being there and I’d like to be able to exist in the dorms without feeling like I have to walk on eggshells around him because otherwise he’ll explode, literally or metaphor-“

“You’re mumbling Midoriya.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise.”

“Sor-I-you know what I mean.”

Todoroki smiled softly at that.

“Look, we’ve got your back Midoriya.” He nodded ahead at the group in front of them as Ashido shoved Kaminari and laughed as he stumbled into Sero. “And they do too.”

“Thank you.” And his chest felt full. He really did have the best friends, but he groaned running a hand through his hair. “But the problem isn’t really now, I can handle Kacchan now, and generally unless we have to work together, we don’t really interact, this is the best we’ve gotten along in years." (and honestly that said a lot) "But he was the worst in middle school and I’m not just going to let him pretend it didn’t happen. And like, he’s still Kacchan now but it’s different. He’s-he’s mean now, but he used to be cruel. And obviously he’s still arrogant but he’s setting high expectations for himself, pushing them, admitting he has weaknesses and trying to work on them, back then was just cocky, he really thought he was the best of the best. And it’s- it’s just different. It’s better. But it annoys me when everyone thinks he’s perfect or that he’s great for doing something normal because it’s something he never does. We’re hero students, the fact that he’s helping someone should be required not praised. I’m not nice enough to let the past go just because some things have changed.”

(I’m not nice enough to just sit there and take it so he can let off some steam)

Todoroki frowned. “I can assure you Midoriya, people might think he’s talented, but no one thinks he’s perfect.”

“Well, it feels like it.” And he knew his tone was bitter. “It felt like it yesterday.” He paused again. “Sorry for rambling.”

“Nobody knew any of this yesterday. We all just assumed you didn’t get along.”

“I know. That why I knew I couldn’t really get annoyed at everyone when they defended him. It’s not like I ever said anything.”

“But Sero apologised didn’t he, for what he said yesterday?”

“Yeah, he did. It was nice of him. I don’t-he didn’t need to though-”

“In your own words Midoriya, it’s something any decent person would do.”

“I guess.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes with heels of his hands. “I’m just not used to it.”

“Well, you should get used to it. I have a feeling you’ll get a lot more deserved apologises over the next couple of hours.”

xxx

He wasn’t expecting Todoroki’s point about the other having his back to be proved right as quickly as he was. They’d only been in homeroom for five minutes when Ashido accidentally bumped into Kacchan on her way to her desk and things fell apart and Izuku slumped slightly further down in his seat as he manoeuvred his bag under his desk with his foot.

Kacchan had mentioned last night that Ashido wasn’t talking to him so there was really only one way this could go and Midoriya didn’t know how prepared he was for it this early in the morning after everything that had happened.

“Fucking look where you’re going Horns.”

Could Kacchan not stop? Just for once. He thought after last night that maybe he’d react differently but he knew that was unrealistic. Any vulnerability he’d shown last night was going to be gone the second they were in front of people again, once there was daylight outside and they eaten and slept. Kacchan never admitted he was wrong out-loud that easily, Izuku should never have expected it.

Still, didn’t mean that on this little sleep he wasn’t sick of it.

Apparently Ashido was too. She turned and Midoriya was able to tell her face was pulled into a scowl. It was an odd expression on her. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her consciously angry. Least of all at Kacchan. They were friends. Maybe not best friends but she was one of the only girls in class that actively hung out with him. Rumour had it that she’d managed to hug him once.

“Are you being serious right now?”

And Kacchan’s eyes narrowed and Izuku could almost feel the tension radiating off of him.

“What?”

“You think after what we’ve heard you can still go round treating people like shit?”

“Mina, just leave it for now.” Kaminari’s voice mumbled in the background. Ironically it was him who went ignored.

Kacchan scoffed. “I think I told you to get the fuck out of my way.”

Izuku stood up, he knew the tone in Kacchan’s voice. Too well. But this time there was something different about it, there wasn’t the usual arrogance, or intent. Midoriya knew what that sounded like. But it was rough. Defensive. Hurt.

“Guys-“

“Shut the fuck up Deku.”

He clenched his jaw and hated that his instinctive reaction was to look down.

“Why do you think you get a free pass to do whatever you want.” Ashido said, voice incredulous. “I think I speak for everyone in the class when I say we’re done. We’re done. And we should’ve known-we should’ve-” She shook her head as she took a step back. “I can’t believe you treated Midoriya that way. Just leave him alone from now on.”

And something glinted in Kacchan’s eye. Something unfamiliar.

“You weren’t even there-“

“I don’t need to be there! What it comes down to is that you were a bully. You hurt people. And now that other people know you can’t handle it.”

"Ashido-" Kirishima's voice was abruptly cut off.

Kacchan took a step forward. “In case you forgot horns, it was you and that shitty group of assholes that wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. I never asked you to follow me around like you were all useless without me-“

(defensive, defensive, defensive)

“Bakugo!” It was a distant protest from Kirishima.

Sero just shook his head, spitting out a bitter laugh. “Fuck man.”

“Look” Ashido’s was voice was scraped with hurt. “Here you are, fucking doing it again! If this is how you treat people who are your friends, I guess we should’ve known how you treated others, people you didn’t like. Why else would we have been so surprised that you helped that kid?”

“Stop fucking acting like I was waiting for your praise. I don’t need you fuckers to validate anything I’ve done. I never fucking expected anyone to see a shitty video of it in the first place. I didn’t even know there was a video of it-”

“That’s hardly the only point I made. If you could just listen for on-“

“Enough.” Mr Aizawa’s voice cut instantly through the yelling, and a weighted blanket of tension fell over the room. No one had used their quirks but Aizawa eyes were still red and burning. “Bakugo, Ashido, sit down.”

“Sir-“

“Sit down.” His eyes scanned the room. Even without checking Midoriya knew everyone was avoiding his gaze. “Does anyone want to tell me what’s going on.”

He wondered how long it was going to take.

One

Two

Thre-

“Midoriya and Bakugo had a fight yesterday evening. Some… unsavoury factors from their history together became class knowledge.” Iida said.

(not heroic to tread on someone else’s achievements)

And Aizawa’s hair fell. And his eyes returned to normal as his gaze instantly shot to Izuku. He wanted to sink further down in his seat.

“Midoriya-“

“It’s not Midoriya’s fault.” Momo protested. “Bakugo wanted to talk to him and Midoriya said he could say whatever he had to in front of the rest of us. What happened-none of us were expecting it.”

“Stop jumping to conclusions.” Aizawa sighed. “Bakugo, Midoirya, come with me, I wanted to leave this till after class but I guess that was wishful thinking.” He added something under his breath and Izuku was just able to pick it up. “As it always is with you two.”

His shoulders hunched over a little more at that.

Bakugo kicked his bag under his desk as Izuku stood up and headed toward the door of the classroom, walking side by side.

Two minutes later they were in an empty classroom, sitting next to each other, Aizawa in front of them. In a weird way it almost reminded him of their talks with All Might and that thought nearly made him smile. Nearly.

For a few minutes Aizawa just stared at them. Which was as unnerving as it was awkward. Izuku ended up having to sit on his hands so he wouldn’t start tangling them together due to discomfort.

“Well one of you is going to have to tell me what happened.”

And Izuku was just so thankful that Aizawa spoke that he barely registered the words he was saying.

“Usually it doesn’t bother me,” He said quickly. “Not anymore.” It wasn’t a lie exactly. It wasn’t the truth either. It was more so just that Izuku was used to it. It was familiar. Any time in recent weeks Kacchan had been somewhat civil toward him Izuku was hit with instant suspicion even when he wished he wasn’t. It had become his normal. “I’m used to it, and it’s better than it was before and I have my own friends now, but yesterday, after I heard that and everyone acting like he’d-it just, it made me mad.”

Izuku wasn’t one to hold grudges, not really, he was fast to forgive people and quick to offer a second chance. Kacchan has always been hard. Sometimes he hated him, sometimes he thought he was amazing. It was a hard balance between the two and sometimes there was no line at all. Yesterday the scale had tipped toward the hate side and so far it hadn’t really come back from it. Now that he’d had time to think, time to settle, he could feel things slotting back into the regular place again, like fitting into a familiar jigsaw puzzle, where he just dealt with it. Where it was better than it had been and that was better than nothing and so he’d continue to wait with a baited breath until things were fixed.

Part of him, a large part, didn’t want to wait until things were fixed. It wasn’t fair.

Why should Izuku have to wait till Kacchan got over his own issues to get an apology? Why should he have to patient? Why was that his responsibility?

He knew it was unrealistic thinking, but Izuku had always been an optimist.

Except this time the pent-up resentment, the pent up hurt and frustrations and unfairness had been lit on fire and the wick hadn’t burnt down yet. He didn’t think it would ever burn down. Things like that never just went away, even the melted wax could still hold shapes and imprints of fingers once it hardened. Except the frustration always found way through the cracks in his armour. Their first hero class, the end of year exam, ground beta, times when everything came head to head and he let himself feel everything he usually tried to forgive and forget.

In reality he hadn’t done either.

“So, both of you are deciding to make my job more difficult as per usual.” Aizawa said as his gaze drifted between them. “Except it’s a lot more one sided this time than usual.”

“It’s always one-sided.” Izuku said before his brain caught up with his mouth. “I’m never exactly looking for a fight with Kachan.”

Kacchan scoffed at that, leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his hair. “Right, of course not.”

Honestly, he knew it was going to devolve into an argument at some point but he didn’t expect it to happen this early.

“I’m not! You take everything I say or do as some kind of jab against you.”

“Because it is!”

“It never is! You acted like me wanting to become a hero was purely to spite you or something.”

“You were quirkless” Izuku scowled at the word, “and couldn’t even fucking stand up for yourself. What fucking made you think you could be a her-“

“Quirkless?” For a few seconds Izuku had almost forgotten that Aizawa was even there, both their gazes snapped to him in sync. As frustrated as they both were right now, they had to be careful, they had made a promise and they couldn’t break just because of overflowing emotions.

But it was fine they’d rehearsed this lie a thousand times over.

“I didn’t get my quirk until the morning of the entrance exam.” Izuku said, and noted the flicker of understanding that echoed across Aizawa’s face. “The power would’ve been too much for my body to handle when I was young so it came late. It’s rare but it can happen.”

Aizawa blinked, then closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Briefly Kacchan and Izuku shared a look.

“So, during the entrance exams, when you broke all of your limbs” (‘Deku what the actual fuck.’ Kacchan muttered, and Izuku recalled that his exam had been in a different zone) “That was the first time you used your quirk?”

“Yes.” he said slowly, “But I don’t see what that has to do with this.”

Aizawa shook his head, sighing. “Nothing. You’re right it has nothing to do with this right now. Anyway, keep going.”

And Izuku could tell that Aizawa was picking up everything he could from the conversation they were more so having amongst themselves than with him, but he guessed that was smart. Making either of them genuinely talk to him wasn’t going to be easy, but it wasn’t like the inference or implications in their words would be easily overlooked if it was something someone was actively looking for like Aizawa was.

“Kacchan hated me because I was quirkless.” He said, because coming from the entrance exam that seemed like the next logical topic.

The word had always felt like it was covered in spikes. It had been thrown at him so many times wrapped in barbed wire specifically to hurt or bubble wrap that everyone else thought he needed because they assumed he was weak, useless. The thought made him frown.

(even if they were right. He didn’t really stand up for himself, and he was weak. But really, what was he meant to do against someone who could create explosions from the palms of his hands)

“Fuck, don’t let your lack of quirk take all the credit Deku.” Kacchan snapped. “Even before you got your quirk you were annoying as fuck. It just made it worse that on top of that you couldn’t fucking do anything and kept following me around like some kind of stalker.”

“I didn’t stalk you, I thought we were friends.” And he could feel like spikes growing again. The ants beginning to crawl. “Friends hung out together. And then I stopped trying to hang out with you.”

Kacchan shot him a look at that. “Then you had a fucking terrible idea of friendship.”

And that-that almost felt like some kind of self awareness. Izuku was too caught up in the argument to focus on it.

“Yeah, well I didn’t have much else to base it on. For the first fourteen years of my life, us being friends when we were four was the only okay, close ‘relationship,’ I had with anyone outside of my mom. You didn’t exactly make it easy for me to make friends in middle school Kacchan.”

“Because you had no fucking idea how to interact with anyone.”

“Because you made sure that people stayed away from me! No one wanted to have anything to do with useless, quirkless Deku, especially if they knew you had a target on my back!”

He could feel the frustration mounting the same way One for All was building under his skin. Could feel the burning energy like palpable anger. (he knew he stated talking like Kacchan when he got angry and he hated it)

"I di-"

“Okay.” Aizawa snapped, interrupting them loudly enough to make them turn to him, both mouths snapping shut and swallowing whatever they were planning to say next. Kacchan clenched his jaw next to him. “So obviously I have a lot to be concerned about. I want to start by saying that, Bakugo, maybe I haven’t heard much about what you’ve done but from what I do know your actions have been unacceptable.”

It wasn’t hard to make out the tone in Aizawa’s voice. He was annoyed, disappointed, even if it was well hidden under professionalism. Izuku was just glad that the glare wasn’t directed at him.

“I had high expectations of you, you had a clean record getting into UA, rough around the edges but young enough to grow and learn, and you have been. But I want to know why you think that someone who has hurt someone like you have, apparently beyond what Midoriya has already told me, based on what he’s saying now and how Ashido, one of your friends, was acting back in class, would be able to confidently say they wanted to be a hero.”

Izuku held his breath as Kacchan hesitated. He hadn't been expecting Aizawa to be as blunt as he was, but in retrospect he should've been. He was never not blunt.

“I don’t how anyone can look up to All Might and not want to be a hero.”

“You think All Might would hurt someone like you did?”

“No.”

“Then why-“

“Because he was Deku. And I was a shitty twelve year old” He turned to him, all sharp edges and hard glares. “I fucking hate that even though you had no power you still thought you could be on the same level as me. How the fuck is that not implying that you thought I was as weak as you were? How is that not an insult?”

And it wasn’t as if he hadn’t heard this all before, said in worse ways, punctuated with threat of an explosion but somehow it still hurt.

“I wasn’t thinking about how ‘I was going to drag you down to my level’ Kacchan’” he said incredulous, though he didn’t know why he was surprised. “I looked up to All Might, same as you.”

“Yeah, well I fucking know that now asshole.”

“Enough. Both of you stop. I’ve heard enough.” Aizawa pinched the bridge of his nose, then sat up a little straighter in his seat. “First Midoriya I want to apologise for not intervening sooner, clearly this is something I should’ve seen. And I’m sorry if I put you in uncomfortable situations when I didn’t understand the real relationship here.”

Almost any and all of their hero or classwork that involved teamwork came back to him and he was speaking before he even registered the words were coming out of his mouth.

“When Kacchan and I are forced to work together, it’s-“ he paused. “I’m open to talking and compromising. Pair me with anyone else in the class and it’s fine. But then you look at Kacchan- and it just-it feels like I’m constantly being punished because Kacchan hates me, and it's not like I'm trying to annoy him. I actively try to do the opposite. But I’m always being thrown into the role of punching bag because Kacchan hates me, like it’s my fault, and like I can fix it, and it was- like you-can’t you see how messed up that is? It’s either I blindly follow Kacchan or disagree, get hit and accused of fighting.” He licked his lips. “And I know in the long run we’ll have to work together, and we can, But did you even see the end of term exam? I asked-I asked him to wait, so we could try and think of a plan together and he hit me. I know he doesn't like me, he doesn't have to like me, I can't change that, but we could at least try to get along? And then we both get blamed for not getting along, how is that-How is that fair?”

And he had no idea how long he’d wanted to say all that for and it was finally all spilling out.

And it looked like Kacchan was about to say something, face screwing up in anger when Aizawa frowned, muttering something under his breath and then, “Bakugo I know it's not always easy to work with someone you don't like, I understand that, but Midoriya's right, becoming physically violent with someone on your side is unacceptable. Everything I’ve heard since yesterday is unacceptable.” His words were sharp. “Midoriya, I should’ve paid more attention, and I’m sorry I misread this for what it was.” He looked between them both. “I can’t guarantee that you won’t have to work together in future or in class, but that leads me to the measures I’m laying out. Before I do that is there anything else that you’d like to tell that you think I haven’t picked up on or heard.”

Izuku could feel Kacchan’s’s gaze on the side of his head, drilling into him, and for a moment he considered, but ultimately resolutely ignored it. And then shook his head in answer.

“No,” Izuku said. “No, there isn’t.”

Aizawa didn’t look quite like he believed him, and he could feel the confusion radiating of Kacchan but he sat steadfast, fixing his gaze on his red shoes.

“Okay.” Aizawa said. “Any questions?”

“Future in class?” Kacchan said. “You’re not expelling me.”

“We’ve only had one short discussion and I talked to Midoirya briefly yesterday but I’m not stupid, I think I gauged what I need and if there’s anything else you need to tell me, tell me.”

Izuku’s shoulders slumped in relief and he knew Kacchan did the same. Kacchan could be a great hero, save people. He could see how far he would go. But Izuku also had his own motives, more selfish ones.

He wanted to beat Kacchan, he wanted to win in whatever rivalry there was between them now. And he couldn’t do that if he was expelled.

“You need to face the consequences of your actions.” Aizawa continued, “But you’re sixteen, you have the ability to grow, you’ve already proved that, and we have the facilities to make sure that happens. Meaning, starting next Monday you will be attending mandatory sessions with the school counsellor, and classes on anger management.”

Counselling. Anger management.

For half a second it looked like Kacchan was about to object before deciding against it.

“On top of that you’re going to be on house arrest for the next week, and attending detention with me every Friday until you apologise to Midoriya. I’m hoping” he said with a sigh, “that will be before you graduate.”

House arrest. Suspension.

“On Friday I have to-“

Aizawa’s glare sharpened. “You’re not in a position to argue with me.”

Someone actively doing something.

Kacchan sunk back into his seat and the room lulled back into silence.

“I’ll send you the details later. Now go back to class. This isn’t the last we’re going to discuss this but we’re not going to do it in the middle of class. Clearly you two have a lot you need to work out. Now go.”

Slowly, Izuku pushed himself out of the seat and walked silently toward the door. It was almost surreal, that Aizawa was stepping in. That he was doing something, that he listened. He was so caught up in his thoughts, and the mild disbelief that was playing on relief that he almost walked in Kacchan’s back as he stopped in the doorway, hand tightly clenched on the handle, not opening it. Izuku stood behind him, confused but unwilling to push him.

“Kacchan?-“

“Hey teach.” Aizawa looked up from the file in front of him at Kacchan’s voice, eyebrows pulled together.

“What?” Aizawa sounded tired.

“I don’t know why Deku didn’t fucking say it,” His voice was tight, reluctant, and Izuku felt his whole body tense. “But when we were younger I told him to jump of a roof. I know it was fucked up, and I didn’t mean it, obviously, but I thought if the nerd wasn’t going to mention it I should.”

Izuku felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He took a step back. Kacchan hand tightened on the door handle.

“Christ, Kid.” Aizawa muttered.

“I shouldn’t have said it, and it’s not like I can take it back now, but fuck, Deku just- don’t jump of a roof okay?”

“I wasn’t-I wasn’t planning to.”

What was happening?

“So,” Kacchan said, and his voice was bitter, he still hadn’t turned around to face them. “You gonna expel me now?”

Aizawa heaved a deep sigh as he stood up, brushing his hair out of his face, it was contorted in frustration. His eyes flashed red.

“Look at me.”

Reluctantly Kacchan turned around. All Izuku could do was stand there.

“You understand the level of wrong that is, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then no. It wouldn’t be rational to expel you at this point, you're already showing remorse and I’m assuming this happened before entering UA, not that makes it any better. But I also know for a fact at this point you and Midoriya have saved each other a multitude of times, as well as other people in genuine life-threatening situations. You have grown and you have the abilities to be a great hero, if you continue to learn that being a hero means saving people, protecting them. And not that’s it’s deserving of a fanfare, but knowing you, and now knowing this, you helping a kid actively being bullied means something.” He shook his head, and his eyes glowed red. His voice was sharp. “But that doesn’t excuse anything. You’re on thin ice Bakugo, if I hear of anything that could be credited to bullying or direct or indirect harm of another student, I’m not going to hesitate to drop you, do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Suspension and house arrest is two weeks. I don’t care how you catch up on class notes but you catch up. You are not allowed to fall behind.”

“I won’t.”

“And I expect an apology for Midoriya.”

Kacchan grit his teeth. “Fine.”

Aizawa held his gaze for a few more seconds before his hair dropped again, eyes returning to normal as he turned to Izuku. “This is what the class was talking about isn’t it?”

Izuku spoke up quietly, not one hundred percent sure what he was meant to feel but it was some kind of validation. Aizawa had done something. Aizawa had actively done something, and Kacchan hadn’t been expelled. He was facing actual consequences for what he had to done to Izuku and things felt a little lighter.

Somehow-somehow, he’d never expected for it to actually happen. Somehow, he’d expected for things to just continue as normal, and if him and Kacchan ever did become friends then this was something they would’ve repressed and hidden because no one would be comfortable talking about. But that didn’t happen. It didn’t just get pushed aside again as ’Midoriya and Bakugo causing trouble as per usual’

(He was far too used to that)

He was glad he told someone. He was glad he got angry yesterday if this what came of it. He blinked back the stinging in his eyes as he tried to answer Aizawa’s question, attempting to stop his voice wavering with emotion.

“And things I mentioned to you yesterday,” He said, the back of his throat ached. “But generally, yeah.”

Despite everything he wasn’t unaware of the way Kacchan was still frowning at him, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore. “What?”

“Why didn’t you tell him? About the-“ Kacchan looked away running a tongue a across his teeth before he shoved his hand in his pockets, pushing out a deep breath Izuku knew was synonymous with anger when he met eyes with him again before he continued, voice sharp. “Why didn’t you tell him about the fucked-up things I said to you.”

And even the fact that Kacchan didn’t want to say it out loud spoke volumes. And Midoriya wasn’t even really sure he had a good answer.

All he had wanted, really, was for people to realise that Kacchan wasn’t what they wanted him to be. That it was infuriating to watch him be praised for something when they didn’t know. (Izuku knew he could hardly say anything. Half the time he couldn’t insult Kacchan without working the word ‘amazing’ in their somewhere and it annoyed him (didn’t make it any less true though)

But all he really wanted was for him to be allowed to be angry over how he was treated for once without somehow being on the receiving end of the backlash. And it had finally happened.

“I didn’t think I needed to.” He said eventually. “It’s hardly easy for me to talk about Kacchan. Besides, I just- the class knows now, you know it was messed up and I can’t- I just. Before you never got it, and maybe now you might.”

“That’s a fucking stupid reason.”

How-how was he meant to respond to that?

“Bakugo.” Aizawa chided him, then he turned his gaze back to Midoriya. “But he’s right. You should’ve told me Midoriya, I said yesterday I wasn’t just going to let you brush this off because you’d calmed down again. I expect you to tell me these things.”

“Right.”

And Aizawa sighed again, running a hand down his face as his gaze flipped between them. “You’re both terrible at dealing with emotions.”

That-Midoriya couldn’t argue with that. Neither could Kacchan.

“Bakugo go back to class, do your work. Midoriya I want to talk to you for a second.”

Bakugo shot him and Aizawa one final look before stepping out the door and slamming it behind him. Izuku winced at the bang, and then turned hesitantly back to Aizawa. He wondered if this is where everything would turn sour for him. If this is where Aizawa would tell him to stop bothering Kacchan, that it was his fault, that Izuku should’ve stopped followng him a long time ago.

It’s what he braced himself for, but when he turned Aizawa’s eyes seemed as full of concern as they could be, it made Midoriya feel mildly uncomfortable. Then his whole stance softened.

“Are you okay kid?”

“I-“

Was he okay? What defined okay? His heart was beating slightly fast, he had to blink back tears but that was hardly unusual, except this time he wasn’t sure when they had started and-and

And Kacchan.

His gaze blurred. And everything hit him.

“Midoriya?”

Not problem child.

Not Deku.

Are you okay kid?

He couldn’t think of a teacher before Aizawa who had asked him that.

“Thank you.” He said, and his voice came out choked in a way he wasn’t expecting. “Thank you for doing something I-“

He didn’t realise how heavy his shoulders felt until the weight had lifted. He didn’t realise how much it would mean to him. He got so used to just dealing with it.

And it wasn’t fair he ever had to deal with it.

And he thought back to Todoroki, and Ashido and Uraraka and Sero, and Aizawa and-

A sob worked its way up his throat and he clapped a hand over his mouth as his shoulders shook.

He realised he wasn’t expecting any of this. He wasn’t expecting this, any of it. Ever.

Ten years. Ten years and someone had finally listened.

And he was suspended. And he had to attend anger management, and he had to face consequences for what he had done to Deku.

It confirmed that Izuku didn’t deserve it. Confirmed that he had every right to be feeling what he felt and express it and-and- a hand landed on his shoulder. He looked up as Aizawa through blurry eyes.

“Midoriya you do not have to thank me for something like this. Do you understand me?”

He nodded because he didn’t think he could talk.

“It wasn’t fair you had to go through that. And it wasn’t fair that no one did anything and I’m sorry I didn’t notice what was really going on.”

His chest hurt.

“At least you didn’t see and ignore it.” Because that’s what he was used to. That’s what he expected.

But it was different. This was different.

"I'm glad you were pissed off yesterday kid."

He grinned, something between a laugh and sob escaping his mouth.

"Me too." Izuku said.

Because this time it was different