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Phil was already in bed, reading half way to falling asleep, when he saw the door to his room opening slightly.
He smiled before he’d even looked up and saw Dan leaning in.
Dan smiled back, nervously.
“Hey.” Dan said, quietly.
“Hey.” Phil replied, pulling back the covers, a gentle invitation. “You decided to join me tonight?”
Dan stepped further in the room, pulling the door closed behind him. He shrugged. “If I come up with a lame excuse would that be better? Or worse?”
Phil put his book down and turned his full attention to Dan. “I don’t think we exactly need an excuse to spend the night in each other’s rooms.”
Dan smirked. “What? Because we’re together now?”
Phil shook his head. “No, because we never did, even when we were simply best friends.”
To that, Dan laughed, coming closer and sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed, facing Phil. “You know that was never exactly simple for me, right?”
Phil tilted his head, considering this. “No, I guess not.” Then he narrowed his eyes at Dan. “Wait a minute… Did you… Did you ever have plans to ravish me when we used to share?”
Now Dan’s laugh was bigger, louder and he fell backward on the bed. “Well… Um. I’m not gonna say it never crossed my mind.”
Phil’s face was a look of pure mock shock. “Daniel Howell! How could you consider such a thing? I mean I know I’m a handsome beast, but have SOME control.”
This, of course, only made Dan laugh more.
And then, suddenly, Phil had dived on top of him, crying something about avenging his past, possibly ravished self.
Possibly a second or so of laughter and struggling and then Phil had Dan’s arms pinned, his legs tangled up beneath his own with the aid of the covers, and their faces close. They seemed to notice all these things at exactly the same time, along with how much their bodies were pressed together, their thinner night clothing making it seem that much more intimate.
A hush had settled around them, marking this moment, and even their usually noisy street seemed to be quiet in respect for it.
Dan licked his lips, and tried to make eye contact with Phil, instead finding himself looking away, coyly.
“What, um. What was that about… About ravishing?” Dan asked, quietly.
Phil’s answer came as a small, sweet kiss, quickly followed by a longer, deeper one. His hand let go of Dan’s arm, stroking back his hair as he kissed him more.
Dan could hardly think enough to do anything but kiss Phil back. Overwhelmed by this sudden turn of events, he could feel his skin tingling, sudden desire and want coursing through him.
The covers had very slightly tangled around them as Phil had launched his attack, and it seemed they somehow managed to get tangled tighter together, pressing ever closer. And then Phil moved his hips, just a little bit and Dan responded equally.
Phil paused, and lifted himself up a little, smiling softly down at Dan. One more kiss, then Phil rolled off Dan, pulling the covers up, over them. They settled side by side, facing one another. Eyes open, neither one shy or afraid to be slowly taking the other in.
Phil pulled Dan close, his hand slipping beneath Dan’s top, pushing it up. Dan bit his lip, closing his eyes and ducking his head.
Phil had to remind himself how new this was, for them and how big each step must feel to Dan. Each new piece of intimacy felt huge to Phil too, of course but somehow, he was that more able to lose himself in the moment, surprised to recognise how much he just wanted the next step, and the next.
“Tell me if I go too fast.” Phil said, softly.
Dan shook his head. “Gimmie a sec.” He said, sitting up. Phil watched him, curiously, his eyes nearly popping as Dan swiftly took his top off, and let it fall to the floor.
Dan quickly laid back down again, hiding himself again. A light blush crept on his cheeks.
Phil smiled, then leaned over, kissing one pink cheek, then Dan’s lips. He let his hand settle on Dan’s chest, getting him used to the touch.
Dan’s confidence was faltering but determined. His hands took longer than they should to find the warmth of Phil’s skin, but when they did, he found himself hungry to touch wherever he could, his hand smoothing over Phil’s chest, around his side, down his back.
They lost track of exactly when Phil followed Dan’s lead, taking his own top off before lying back down.
Phil’s touches were careful, his hands moving slowly, not wanting to scare Dan by moving too fast.
The kisses came back as they moved closer, skin pressed against skin as their arms wrapped around each other tightly.
Hands wandered a little more and eventually Dan’s settled on Phil’s hip, fingers fiddling slightly with the fabric of his pyjama bottoms.
Phil smiled against Dan’s lips. “It’s okay to go… A little further now.”
There was a sharp intake of breath from Dan. “I. Um…”
Phil’s hand pushed back at Dan’s hair, and he kissed him, briefly, sweetly. He pushed Dan’s hand away and proceeded to pull down his own pyjama bottoms kicking them off, out of the bed.
Then Phil’s hand laid gently on Dan’s hip, just on his underwear. “You ready for… Uh. This too?”
Dan was holding his breath without realising. Then he shook his head, pushing Phil’s hand away.
Phil nodded, brushing back Dan’s hair again. “Okay. That’s okay. When you’re ready.”
Their kisses were slow, careful, aware of the ever building tension.
Dan’s hand slowly returned to Phil’s hip, nervous to take this next step, but wanting to. Very slightly moving his hand, before moving back again.
Only a couple of times doing this, then he felt Phil’s hand settle over his.
“Do you want me to… Help you?” Phil asked, carefully.
Dan opened his eyes and found Phil’s already open, watching him, waiting patiently for an answer. Slowly, Dan nodded.
Phil smiled, just a little, then took Dan’s hand. Applying no pressure at all for now, Phil carefully guided Dan’s hand to his cock. Even that barely-even-a-touch caused both of their breaths to hitch. Phil took a deep breath, trying not to get carried away at this incredibly early stage. “Okay?” He asked. Dan swallowed hard, then nodded. “Okay to… Carry on?”
Then, before Phil got an answer, Dan wrapped his hand around him. Phil gasped, part in shock, mostly in pleasure. And now Dan seemed a little more sure of himself, shifting himself up so he was leaning very slightly over Phil. His hand on Phil moved with a certain confidence, seemingly able to read exactly what Phil wanted, taking pride as he heard the slight panting in Phil’s breathing. Dan leant in, keeping his lips just above Phil’s, so close to touching, yet still not.
Phil couldn’t deny he was surprised by this sudden shift in Dan, the confidence that had come with this. All those nerves seemed to have disappeared, for now anyway.
Phil’s hand returned to Dan’s underwear again, testing, pulling it down very slightly. He paused, waiting for Dan’s reaction to this. He opened his eyes, and saw Dan’s still closed. So, he pulled down his underwear a little more. Still no reaction. Then he saw the small smile on Dan’s face, and Phil realised he could take that as a sign that it was okay.
Phil pushed himself up, enough to kiss the corner of Dan’s lips, then his cheek. He pulled down at Dan’s underwear slowly, his other hand following, touching Dan’s skin as it was revealed. Finally Dan had to pause and sit up to kick his underwear off fully.
And in that pause he looked down at Phil, who was smiling softly at him. Dan tugged at the tangle the sheets had become again, settled it over them as he laid back down with Phil.
Phil’s hand found Dan’s cock. Phil kept his eyes open, watching Dan’s face, he got to see the small wince of pleasure, lips parting in a gasp, before connecting with Phil’s, finally kissing again.
Dan lifted himself up, gasping slightly for breath, his eyes opened, and slowly Phil’s did too.
Dan smiled, just a little. Then he placed his hand lightly on Phil’s hand, pausing his touch.
Phil frowned, tilting his head in questioning.
Dan kissed his cheek, then ducked down under the covers.
Phil didn’t have long to wonder what Dan was doing the moment he figured it out; he felt a kiss placed on the inside of his thigh, then the unmistakable slick of a tongue on his cock.
Phil resisted the urge to buck his hips, keeping as still as possible. Then he felt Dan’s lips on the tip, then those lips parting, and Dan’s mouth slowly covering him, taking him in.
Phil’s arm reached up, trying to grab hold of the top of his bed, just about reaching. He bit his lip, but still the moan escaped him. “Dan. Ah-”
His hips bucked involuntarily as Dan had moved back up, his tongue flicking just a little at the tip. There was a pause, and Phil worried that he might’ve hurt Dan somehow. He reached down, pushing back the covers, ready to sit up and comfort Dan if he needed to.
Dan was only sitting up a little, the back of his hand against his mouth. He looked up at Phil, and even just from that look, Phil could see he was grinning.
As Phil watched, Dan moved his hand away, and leant back down, parting his lips and taking Phil in again.
“You. Ah. Oh God- You seem like… You know what you’re doing?”
Dan lifted his head and sat up again, grinning. “We all watched a lot of porn as teenagers, don’t act so surprised.”
Phil blushed, realising that the idea of Dan watching porn, and the acts that typically go with that was enough to add to his arousal at this point. He closed his eyes, trying to focus. “Yeah. But. You’re. You seem. Confident. You were so… Nervous leading up to this.”
Dan frowned. “Is that… Bad?”
“No!” Phil sat up, carefully. “No, I didn’t mean that. I just meant-”
Dan tilted his head, then he smirked, just a little. “Wait a second. Am I- am I actually witnessing Phil Lester… Being jealous?”
Phil blushed, too flustered to gather a response.
“Holy shit. You are! You’re jealous, worrying how many other boys I’ve sucked off, aren’t you?”
“NO! No I’m-” He paused, looking away from Dan, then glancing back. “But. Out of curiosity…?”
Dan snorted. “Are we seriously doing this? Now?”
Phil shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe.”
Dan rolled his eyes. Then he sighed. He moved up the bed, pulling the covers with him as he settled back to sit next to Phil. “Okay. You wanna get this out there?” Dan paused, rubbing his face with his hands. “But if I’m ‘fessing up, so are you, deal?”
Phil nodded. “Deal.”
“Okay. Um. Just- just boys, right?”
Phil shrugged. “Sure.”
Dan nodded. “Okay. So. I don’t exactly have the… Complete lack of experience I perhaps made out. Weirdly enough you’re the, um. The first boy I kissed, but…” Dan closed his eyes, sighed. “I let a guy jerk me off once. That was… Kinda a first experiment, if you get my meaning.”
Phil nodded.
“Then, you know, they kinda said… Needs to go both ways to be sure, so… I. Returned the favour?”
Dan paused again, blowing out a deep breath. “And then… Another time, I got into this conversation with one of my friends, who’d just- He’d just come out and, I kinda told him I thought I might be. That I might be gay too, and how did he know for sure. And he said. He said he sucked another guy’s cock and enjoyed it, and… Then he was saying if I wanted to be sure…” Dan laughed, shaking his head. “Oh God. It was so… So wrong. I had no idea what I was doing, and he literally just undid his jeans and pulled them down a little. And, you know, he kept making this really weird- off putting noise and.” Dan grimaced. “He asked if he could, you know… Let it out, in my mouth and I said ‘no way’ and refused to carry on in case he did without warning me.” Dan shuddered. “I spent a while convinced I definitely wasn’t gay because I’d hated it so much.”
Phil grimaced. “And, let me guess, you two didn’t stay friends?”
“Oh, no. We did. I managed to set him up with his boyfriend not long after that. Nice guys. Made a good couple.”
A long pause, then Phil prompted, “So… What happened to make you think… Maybe you were gay? Or, bisexual? Um. Whichever you. Um. Identify with.”
Dan blushed, then kissed Phil’s cheek. “Um. Honestly? Uh. Meeting you. I think… Maybe even. Seeing you. Not, like, right away. But, as you… Started responding to me. I guess those, latent ‘gay genes’ started perking up again.”
Phil laughed. “Yeah? I was the reason you figured out you still had… Gayness within you?”
Dan rolled his eyes. “Well don’t go giving yourself all the credit. There’s a lot of hot guys out there you know. But. Yeah. I guess you made me… More aware again.”
Dan paused again. “And. In the interest of being completely honest. I. I’ve kinda… There was one other time, that I. Uh. That I sucked someone off.”
Phil nodded, encouraging gently.
Dan took in another deep breath. “It was… A couple of years ago now. We’d not long moved in together and I guess I wasn’t exactly handling my… Emotions and, ah. My urges all that well. We were away, for a convention and… There was this party and, one of our friends. He. He noticed the way I was acting around you even though you were totally oblivious.” Dan paused to nudge Phil, grinning a little. Phil blushed, ducking his head and muttering a tiny ‘sorry’.
“Anyway! He pulled me to one side and told me he saw what I was doing and asked if I was sure I wanted to go down this road right now. Um. Long story short… He pulled me out of there just as I burst into tears. We went back to his room and I just- I basically threw up everything I felt about you. I don’t think it could’ve been more disgusting and humiliating if I’d actually been sick on him.” Dan closed his eyes, rubbed his face. “I don’t quite remember how it lead up to it, but I think he was asking what he could do to help me. And. And I said I needed to be sure, how could I be sure about how I felt if I didn’t even know… If I could even be with a guy like that. And. It was my idea. He, he tried to talk me out of it. But.” He smiled, just a little. “I guess I was kinda needy. And… The night progressed to the point where I…” Dan paused, swallowing hard, trying not to think too much about it. “Had his dick in my mouth, and. Uh. And it was… Better than before. And, he was really nice, and sweet, and… This is gonna sound stupid but, he looked after me and made sure I was okay with what was happening, the whole way through.”
The memories of that night flashed in his mind, impossible for it not to.
The hotel beds were big and almost too soft. His eyes stung from crying and rubbing them too hard, but at least he had a distraction now. The covers were pushed down. Dan was still fully dressed, save for his jeans being undone, allowing his hard on to not be restricted. His companion’s jeans were off, underwear pulled down, shirt pushed up a little. Dan had followed all directions exactly so far, and currently had the other boy’s cock completely in his mouth. A hand stroked back through his hair, lovingly. The soft panting from the other boy was nice, not distracting at all. As Dan lifted his head again, slowly, he heard the boy call him ‘darling’, and he liked that. But there was no ignoring the fact he couldn’t stop thinking about Phil, and what he would give to have him say the sweet things this boy was telling him.
Phil’s voice immediately pulled Dan back into the now.
“So. One of our friends?”
Dan nodded. “Yep.” He looked up at Phil. “You said… You asked for honesty.”
Phil looked at him, hearing the waver in Dan’s voice. He touched Dan’s cheek, who closed his eyes, his heart beating harder than it had all night, fear spiking.
“I did.” Phil agreed. “I did.” He leant in, kissed Dan’s lips. “Dan? I’m not judging you. I just. I wish you’d told me sooner.”
Dan laughed, humourlessly. “How could I? We’d just moved in together. How do you think we would’ve coped, if I confessed that and- and you didn’t feel the same? I couldn’t, I couldn’t risk it.”
“In that case. I wish I’d realised sooner, so you wouldn’t have spent all that time… Worrying and wondering.”
Dan smiled very slightly. “Paid off in the end though, right?”
Phil kissed him again, slowly. “Yeah, yeah it did.”
Dan pushed him back. “You promise you don’t think… Badly of me, for what I did?”
Phil shook his head, pushing back and playing with Dan’s hair a little. “No. I don’t. I get it. I really do.” He paused, then added. “Just. Don’t tell me who it was, okay? I don’t. I don’t want to know.”
Dan smiled a little. “Wasn’t planning to. But. I’m a little worried… If you think about it, you might work it out.”
“Then I won’t think about it.”
Dan smile grew, a warmth nothing to do with sexual desire flooding through him. “Want me all to yourself, hmm Lester?”
Phil leaned closer, wrapping his arm around Dan’s waist, pulling him in. “Pretty sure I already do.”
Dan’s eyes fluttered closed as Phil’s hand reached down to his cock, teasing, lightly stroking. “You do. You- You always did. Even then. Even then I was still all for you.”
“If only I’d known it?” Phil said, taking a slightly firmer grip now, causing Dan to wince a little, his mouth falling open.
“Yes.” He gasped.
Within barely a few seconds, Dan was leaning forward, his face buried against Phil’s shoulder, panting softly, his hand reaching out, finding Phil’s cock again, tentatively touching him before matching Phil’s speed and grip.
“Okay, now tell me the things you haven’t done with a boy.” Phil said.
He saw Dan grimace, his panted breath barely allowing him to talk. “Now Phil? Are you serious?”
“Yes.” Phil said. “I wanna know what I’m going to be your first for.”
Dan whimpered. “Oh, fuck, c’mon Phil, you know this. You know, so don’t make me-” He stopped abruptly as Phil’s hand paused on him, still touching but not moving.
Dan literally could’ve screamed at that moment. “Phiiiiil!”
Phil chuckled, kissing Dan’s cheek over and over.
Dan swallowed, knowing what it was gonna take to get Phil’s hand moving again. “Okay okay. You wanna know? You want the quick version, I have never had anything of another boy inside my ass. There. Simple.”
Phil chuckled. “That’s an incredibly unsexy way to put it, Dan.”
“Yep. And that’s all you’re getting out of me.”
“I think you should be more specific.”
“No. You know why? Because you haven’t kept up your end of the deal here. I’ve spilled out my entire male-related sex life and you’ve given up exactly nothing.”
The next few motions were swift, Dan didn’t realise what was happening until he found himself flat on his back, his arms pinned down and Phil on top of him, again.
Phil was smirking, and clearly rather impressed with himself for pulling all that off without somehow injuring one or both of them. Dan stared up at him, wide eyed, equally impressed.
Phil tilted his head, surveying Dan carefully. Losing himself slightly in this moment, amazement and disbelief filling him as he looked Dan over. The understanding, the knowledge that this boy was entirely his, and had wanted to be his for so long. He’d never taken the time to appreciate just how… Stunning he was.
And now, here they were, naked in Phil’s bed. He had no idea if they were definitely going to have sex tonight but it didn’t matter. They had this, and already this was so, so very much.
Phil grinned and leant down to place a small kiss on Dan’s lips. “Alright. Here it is. I first kissed a boy as a dare, and didn’t even know I liked it until I realised I wanted to get dared to do it again. I’ve had a couple of boyfriends, but most of them I didn’t get further than a little under the covers, still in our underwear fooling around. One boyfriend was more serious, and I went all the way with him. He was more experienced, and I was happy to let him top. Our first time was in my room at home, so we had to keep quiet. It was good, but it hurt.”
He saw Dan close his eyes, and turn his head at that point. Phil leaned down, kissing his cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m not going to lie about that part. I’m not trying to change your mind or put you off. But it hurts.”
Dan squeezed his eyes shut tighter. He nodded.
The thing was it wasn’t just that, just that truth that Dan already knew about sex. He knew it, accepted it and the fact was, he was with Phil, so how could he be truly afraid of that?
No, more than the idea of necessary pain, the thing that had struck Dan was though he’d known already, from past conversations that Phil had been with another guy, he’d never considered where it happened.
Dan knew that bed, in that old room. They sat and they’d talked and they’d tackled and they’d filmed videos and- And Dan had felt himself slowly, slowly falling hard for Phil, all on that bed. And… He wasn’t sure exactly how he felt about that.
“Now. Things I’ve never done, that you’ll be my first for.” Phil continued, snapping Dan back into the present. “I’ve never topped before. And I’ve never…” He paused, thinking about what else he could give Dan here.
Dan’s eyes opened, and he smiled a little. “Never finger fucked?” He offered, a mischievous hint to his words.
Phil blinked, panic spiking.
That night, a month previous, the night Dan didn’t remember. Or, was this his hint that he did remember after all? Or that perhaps he was starting to?
“Uh..”
Dan laughed. “Oh my God. Phil, stop blushing! You know you gotta get the fingers in first before you actually fuck, right?”
“Yeah! Yes, of course I do. I just-”
Dan chuckled. “You’re adorable when you’re blushing.”
Phil narrowed his eyes, and gripped Dan’s arms a little tighter, twisting slightly. Dan’s eyes closed, then he smirked. “Oooh. Trying out a little rough stuff are you? Not sure we’re quite ready for that yet, but maybe later.”
Phil rolled his eyes. “Oh God, shut up.” He said, blush deepening.
“Gonna tie me up sometime?” Dan asked, moving just a little beneath Phil. “Spank me, blind fold me and fuck me hard? Hmm?”
“Might gag you if you’re not careful.” Phil muttered.
Dan laughed, his laugh cut off as Phil came down again, kissing him deeply.
It left them both gasping again when Phil moved back.
“Tell me what you’ve never done.” Phil said, quietly.
Dan’s eyes were closed, his head a little tipped back. “I’ve never had sex with a boy.”
“And?”
“And… I’ve never had another boy’s fingers in me.”
Phil swallowed, that panic rising again, he pushed it away.
“Anything else?”
Dan’s eyes opened, slowly, meeting Phil’s gaze exactly as he did. “And. I’ve never had a boy suck me off.”
A few, long moments just looking at one another, breathing very slightly laboured. Then Phil leant down, kissed Dan, slowly, sweetly.
Then he moved his way down, kissing Dan’s chest, stomach. Pausing as he pushed the covers back, as he looked down at Dan. He kissed, carefully, slowly at Dan’s hips, at his thighs, finally turning the kisses to Dan’s cock, before opening his mouth, taking Dan in.
Dan cried out, reaching, instinctively for Phil’s hand, unable to find it, he gripped at the pillow beneath his head instead, panting loudly.
Phil’s mouth moved slow, but more than enough to get Dan worked up, even more than before. The interruptions seemed to have turned this all into a slow burn effect, but now Dan feeling himself building up too quick, he whimpered, trying to hold back.
“Phil!” He said, panicked. “Phil. St- stop stop stop I can’t- Fuck! Fuck it, Phil please-”
Phil lifted himself up, licking at his lips, which looked fuller than before, used. “What’s wrong?”
Dan’s eyes were squeezed shut. His chest heaved as he tried to keep all emotions in check. “Fuck, fuck. If you touch me much more. I’m gonna- I’ll come. And. Fuck! This wasn’t supposed to go like this tonight!”
Phil moved up, bringing the covers with him to cover them again, he laid beside Dan, careful not to touch him in anyway. He shushed Dan gently. “It’s okay, it’s okay. There’s no set rules on how tonight is meant to go.”
Dan opened his eyes, looking at Phil, frowning.
Now Phil leaned in, stroked his cheek, kissed him softly. “How about… We get you off. Then… See where we wanna go after that?”
Dan’s eyes searched Phil’s, taking this in, then, slowly, he nodded.
Phil’s hand reached down, taking Dan in hand again.
Dan leaned close, his face buried against Phil’s shoulder, panting softly from even the first touch.
He’d been true in his words, it took a very short time before Dan was gripping Phil’s arm, gasping against his skin.
“Good, good.” Phil soothed, already feeling Dan starting to spill over his hand. He kissed Dan’s temple, slowing his strokes down, helping Dan ride through the very last of his orgasm. He felt Dan slump against him, panting.
“Holy shit.” Dan gasped.
Phil leaned back, and placed a small kiss on Dan’s lips. “Feel good?”
Dan nodded, eyes closed, feeling warm, content.
Phil smiled, pushing back the covers. “I’m gonna. Uh. Go wash my hand and… Um… You probably should clean up too.”
Dan nodded, rolling onto his back, eyes still blissfully closed. Phil chuckled as he surveyed Dan.
“How exactly do you manage to make that position look attractive?”
Dan raised his hand, middle finger displayed.
“Hey!” Phil protested.
Dan grinned, dropping his hand.
When Phil came back Dan was already asleep, and only the gentle yet persistent nudges from Phil got him to his feet and out to the bathroom. When Dan returned, he’d obviously stopped by his room again, pulling on new pyjama bottoms, but no sign of another top.
Phil felt like maybe he should’ve considered finding clothing too, but by now he really couldn’t find the energy.
Dan stood in the doorway, just like this night had started. His hand scuffing his hair, making the already dishevelled mess even worse. “Should I… Um…” Dan glanced behind him, at his own room, the question obvious.
Phil shifted over on the bed again, pulling back the covers once more.
Dan got back in, and automatically they moved close, curling up around each other, eyes closing almost immediately.
A silence filled the room that led them both to believe that the other was already asleep, and perhaps, just perhaps Dan was half asleep, but it didn’t stop his words being heard. “Love you.”
Phil’s eyes opened, he blinked, trying to get his eyes to focus in the dark. Dan’s eyes were definitely closed, but he knew what he’d heard. He smiled, and snuggled down again. “Love you too.”
Dan opened one eye, and closed it again quickly, the smile on his face growing as he, finally fell asleep.