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Hello, everyone. I know this isn't the chapter you were waiting for, but I did not want to keep all who have supported this fic waiting with bated breath.
I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS FIC!
I don't want anyone to see this note and get freaked out that I am abandoning this story, because I am not—I won't until it is finished. This fic started from a what-if for me inspired by all of the amazing editors across social media who birthed the Baelor x Rhaenyra ship and I still have plenty of ideas for it that are sitting in my story map waiting for me to weave them into the plot.
(TW for Cancer and Pet Loss)
Part of the decision to organize my initial idea and turn it into a fic was due to an issue in my personal life at the time which is still ongoing and the need for an outlet. You see, my cat has a very aggressive cancer. When I was writing, editing, posting, and responding to all of your amazing comments, I was doing so with her curled against my side in bed or on my shoulders at my desk. Sometimes, I was typing in the waiting room of a veterinary clinic as she went through examination after examination and surgery and chemotherapy and radiation. It is what got me through a lot of it; otherwise, I fear I may have gone insane from the stress and anxiety of it all.
I have not shared any of this in my author's notes, or at least the full story on social media until tonight because I wanted this fic to be purely entertainment for all of you, but I couldn't disappear without an explanation.
My cat, despite all of the measures I have taken, has gotten sicker. I am struggling with making the decision of when to euthanize. I have experienced pet loss before, but this is the first time I am responsible for the final call; it is sucking all of the creativity out of me.
Even though I have started work on the next chapter and have written a few blurbs on the chapters after that focus on the wedding celebrations, I cannot bring myself to finish all of them right now. It is meant to be a fairly joyous bulk of chapters, but I am floundering when it comes to pulling any joy out of the deepest parts of me when it comes time to write. I need to take a break and spend the remaining time I have left with my cat devoting my full attention to her. There may be jokes about "soul-cats" online compounded with the crazy cat ladies, but my cat is like my best friend. I think of her as the sweetest little girl in the world and we have been through a lot together.
I am taking a soft break until the beginning of June.
I don't know when my cat will take her last breath and if I will have to be the one who brings about it, but I feel in my bones that it will be sometime soon.
Some can find pockets of light in their grief, which I hope I will be able to during this time.
There is a lot I am unsure of at the moment, but I wanted to share because I feel like I owe it to you all to do so and not simply go silent. This fic has swelled to unimaginable proportions for me and I am so unbelievably thankful for the reception it has received. It is still very much a passion project for me and one that I am still working on when I find the energy—I simply don't have enough right now to make the chapters you all deserve and have come to expect from me. I know there are comments I have not responded to yet in a few chapters, so I will be responding to those when I find time to, and I will still be reachable and semi-active on my social media if you want to reach out here or on Twitter or Tumblr. Maybe I will find it in me to work on the next chapters during my soft break, so its always a good idea to subscribe to the fic so you won't waste your time or your expectations by coming back every few days and checking if this has been updated.
I recognize this is not what a lot of you want to hear, but I believe a quality fic is better than pushing something out in a semblance of a schedule or to stay on top of the ship tag, neither of which are important to me. I want to keep enjoying writing this fic as much as you all are enjoying reading it, and I just can't do that right now without taking a mental break for myself. I usually do not mind receiving comments asking when I will be updating, as it fills me with joy that there are people looking forward to what I have to write, but I do ask that you refrain from asking that under this author's note out of respect for me. I already have so much guilt over my cat and not being able to give you all more of the story during this time, and receiving comments like those would just compound that during this time.
Sincerely,
Mili
(ArkivSantorina)