Chapter Text
~ April 2nd 1999 ~
The storm continued to rage on outside the safety of the house. Wind whipped the rain against the window, making it impossible to see out into the night. Loud cracks of thunder followed the illumination of lightning, following behind too close for comfort.
Tucked under his blanket, Shane huddled, shaking. He knew he was safe in here, but the storm was so forceful that he had woken up from his sleep more than a little anxious. But he was too much of a big kid to wake his parents.
Another flash of lightning lit up the darkened room. “One, two…” Before Shane got to the third second, thunder boomed louder than it had up to this point. The storm was getting closer, lightning less than a mile away. His Dad had taught Shane to count the seconds between the light and the sound, five seconds to a mile. A fun science lesson now being used to anchor and calm Shane, unsuccessfully.
The next flash was joined immediately by the crash of thunder swallowing up everything around him. Shane jumped in bed, pulling the covers closer around his body.
The quiet clicking of the door latch coming undone was almost missed under the roar of the storm, but Shane poked his head out from under his covers to see Yuna peering into his room.
“Oh, honey. Were you woken by the storm?” Yuna slowly entered the room, closing the door behind her. Her hair was loose and wild as it usually was in the mornings before she managed to get herself presentable. Shane thought she looked the most pretty like this. Wild and free instead of the mask she chose to present to the world. The same mask he had taken on when he was also being perceived.
“Yeah.” His small voice replied as he ducked back under the covers at the next flash of lightning and crash of thunder. Yuna continued into the room, gently tapping on his hip under the sheets he had tented over himself.
“Scoot over. It seems like you have the safest spot in the house if you don’t mind me joining.” Shane moved over and pulled back the blanket, letting the light from the flashlight illuminate Yuna’s face. He knew immediately that he was safe and protected with her by his side.
As soon as Yuna got into bed, she pulled the covers back up around the two of them. She smiled as she gently fixed Shane’s hair, rubbing slow patterns over his scalp. “Were you counting the distance?”
“Yeah, but it’s too close. There’s no time to really count.” Yuna noticed his shoulders were still pulled up to his ears as the stress of the storm clung to his body.
“What if we count our breaths instead? In for five through our noses and then out for five through our mouths.” Yuna continued to run her hands through Shane’s hair, noticing the tension starting to slip from his forehead.
“Just like before a game?” Shane looked up, connecting the dots for himself.
“Yes, just like before a game. Or whenever we need to get our bearings. This seems like a good time, doesn’t it?”
They sat in silence, breathing together. Both of them relaxed more and more into the breathing practice. Yuna dropped her hand to start rubbing circles on Shane’s back, keeping time with their inhalations and exhales. Besides the slight involuntary jumps Shane made whenever thunder ripped through the night, his body continued to relax.
“Shane.” Yuna paused, tracking her eyes over to his face while he stared down at his fingers clutching onto the flashlight. “Why didn’t you come find me or your Dad when you woke up?”
“Mom! I’m not a baby.” Shane said, exasperated. He quickly looked into her eyes before looking away. “I don’t need you and Dad to rescue me all the time. I can deal with it myself.”
“I know you can, Shane. You are really good at taking care of yourself. Just like I am. But even if you can do things on your own, it doesn’t mean you always have to.” She gently turned his head to look at her face. “I ask your father for help all the time. Not because I need to, but because I want to. And sometimes because I need to. It isn’t weakness to ask for help. It’s strength.”
Shane nodded his head, running the thought around in his mind.
“When you ask for help when you need it, it doesn’t make you a baby. Will you ask us next time?”
“Yeah. I can.” Shane leaned his head onto his mom’s shoulder, finally relaxed enough to feel the pull of sleep weigh him down again.
“Can I ask you for something I need?” Yuna quietly asked, and Shane just nodded in response. “Can I stay here with you until the storm passes? I feel really safe right now, and I don’t want to walk back to my room.”
“Of course, Mom. Is it ok if we keep the flashlight on?”
Yuna smiled, taking the flashlight to set it down on Shane’s bedside table next to the framed family photo from last summer at their cottage. “Of course, Shane.” She helped him settle back down in his twin bed, the two of them pressed together, rain gently pelting against the windows, the brunt of the storm having passed by.
----
As soon as David and Shane arrived in this new place, he felt at home. His eyes caught on the architecture being stuck between his childhood home, the family cabin, and distinctly Japanese design. This was his Mom’s heaven.
Shane tried to not roll his eyes when he clocked an entire wall taken up with Metros memorabilia, though most of it did revolve around Shane’s career before he was unceremoniously excommunicated. Even with everything that happened, Shane knew that besides family, the Metros were still a big part of who Yuna Hollander was. Though when they were alive, Yuna had dutifully taken down all of her Metros memorabilia, except anything reflecting Shane’s biggest accomplishments, replacing it with Centaurs and even a few Bears items commemorating Ilya’s career. It was a true testament to how much she obviously loved Shane, but also how much she had come to love Ilya.
“Yuna,” David called out as he moved through the open wall to the outdoors. A beautiful landscape opened up in front of them as they sat at the top of a mountain. Far away down the slope of the mountain, Shane could see another structure surrounded by the forest abutting the lake. David followed Shane’s sightline. “That’s where my piece of heaven begins. We’re never far apart, but that holds all of my memories.”
Shane took in the thought that even his parents, who had been in love and were married for decades, did not share a heaven. Maybe it was out of the norm that Shane’s heaven was not his alone to control.
Yuna appeared from behind a gazebo. The sun shone behind her while the wind caught her hair effortlessly, showcasing her beauty. Just like David Yuna looked like herself, but the parts of the whole told a story that never existed during life. Her eyes were wise beyond the years Shane had known her, but had a sparkle of youth. Her hair was the purest white earned with age, but her body looked the way Shane remembered her from his youth. Strong and supportive as she welcomed him in an embrace.
“My baby. Shane, you’re here! We’ve been waiting.” Yuna pulled back and grabbed his face with both of her hands, taking him in before pulling them back into a hug.
“Mom.” Shane took in a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve missed you. Whatever time means here, all I know is it’s been too long.”
“Let’s have some tea and catch up. So much happened after you died. You’ll be so proud of the Pike children. Ruby and Jade made it to the PWHL as first and second draft picks their year. Arthur became an environmental attorney, and Amber took over the Irina Foundation when I retired. There is so much to go over, but every time I’ve had a thought to tell you, I’ve kept track of it so you’ll know everything.”
“Mom!” Shane interrupted Yuna’s rambling. “That’ll have to wait. There’s a problem.”
Yuna turned sharply, her eyes landing on David. She looked like she was pleading with him for a moment before her resolve broke and she looked at Shane. “He isn’t here, honey. I mean he is, but he isn’t.” David moved to put a hand on her shoulder to ground her.
“This isn’t how we wanted you to find out, but due to recent events…” David continued for her.
“What recent events?” Yuna dropped her voice and turned back to David, surprised.
“Well, Shane’s house and the tree. It was a whole….”
“What do you mean Ilya isn’t here?” Shane interrupted again.
“Come sit down. This isn’t a standing conversation.” Yuna let go of David as she headed into her home.
David led Shane to the dining room table, taken right from their family cabin. Dups were placed on the table with a teapot already full of delicious oolong, one of Shane and Yuna’s shared favorites.
“When your father and I both got here, neither you nor Ilya had arrived. I’m sure your Dad has explained that time moves as it likes around here and not everything happens along what you would expect.”
“Yeah. Dad explained that.”
“What I haven’t shared with you hun, is that Shane’s home isn’t just his. Or it wasn’t. It was filled with Shane’s memories, obviously, but it was also filled with memories Shane had no recollection of. And it seems like they are Ilya’s.” Yuna tried to control her face as she took a sip of her tea.
“I see.”
“But…” Shane rubbed his hand up the back of his neck. “Our tree in the backyard. Right before we came here to find you, it split in two. And not just the tree but the whole ground split.”
“I’ve never seen anything like it here. But I also have only heard about how rare it is for two people to share their slice of the afterlife the way your house is. It’s very common to be like your Mom and me with our separate pieces close by but not intertwined. I’ve only heard that it happens for…” David said, trailing off.
“For what?” Shane was getting agitated at the two of them seemingly holding out on information. He didn’t like that they were skirting around something that seemed so important.
“Soulmates.” Yuna finally said. “I’ve heard that it only happens with soulmates and it is very, very rare.”
Shane breathed out a sigh of relief. “That doesn’t seem bad at all. I’m more than happy to be with Ilya here or anywhere. We said forever, and I know I meant it. I know he meant it too.”
“Yes, but it’s what the tree represents, Shane. That’s the part that isn’t good.” David placed his hand on Shane’s knee, trying to ground him before the information hit. “Ilya didn’t die naturally. Not like us or not like you. He died by suicide.”
“I DON’T CARE!” Shane shot out of his chair. “You say that like it was his fault. It wasn’t. If anything, it was mine. I couldn’t let him go. I saw him spiraling, and I stayed for him. But it was really for me.”
“Honey,” Yuna stood from her seat.
“Don’t!” Shane began to pace, his breath quickening with every stride. “Suicide isn’t a choice. He didn’t choose to be depressed, and he fought against it. Why is he being punished? Why am I being punished?”
Shane stopped abruptly, an agonizing certainty settling in his chest. “Is he, is he in hell?” His voice barely above a whisper.
“No, Shane. Not really.” David picked up his tea and took a drink to settle his nerves before continuing. “There isn’t hell here. Nothing is made as a punishment. But when someone dies by taking their own life, they don’t realize they are dead. Or, some people are so tormented in themselves on earth that they build their own realities here that might to us look like hell.”
“And Ilya?”
“From what I saw of the tree and what I know, it seems likely that he is trapped somewhere else. Somewhere that he didn’t mean to create but can’t escape from.”
Stillness settled over them, no one wanting to be the first to break the silence.
“Okay.” Shane went back to the table and finished his tea.
“Okay?” Yuna and David echoed, startled at the turn.
“Yeah. If he can’t escape on his own, then I’ll go get him.” Determination etched itself into Shane’s features.
“That’s impossible!”
“You can’t just go and get him.” Yuna tried to comfort.
“Says who?” Shane slammed his hands into the table. “Bring me to whoever is in charge of this place and have them say it to my face because I’m getting him back if it’s the last thing I do.”
“It isn’t as easy as coming to see me, honey.” Yuna reached towards Shane’s arm, but he pulled it back.
“I’m not looking for easy. I’m just looking for a path forward.”
~ April 19th, 2021~
“Shane!” Ilya’s voice sounded desperate. He couldn’t see down the slope Shane had just toppled down. Trees obscured his view, and the sun had already begun to set.
As he approached the edge that had given out underneath Shane’s footing, more dirt and mud careened over.
“Shane! Fucking answer me!” Ilya dropped his backpack, getting on his hands and knees to crawl as close to the end as he could. His eyes frantically darted back and forth until they landed on the reflective strip on the top of Shane’s bag.
“Okay. I think I can see you. Don’t move. But if you can talk, please talk to me.” He crawled back and emptied out his bag on the ground. He knew there was nothing in there that could help this situation. They were out on a sunset hike and had just turned around to head back to their car, but it was still two miles away. He checked his phone, and as he anticipated, it showed no service. Part of why Shane loved it so much out here was a chance to unplug from the world. Now it was here to bite them in the ass.
“I’m going to do an inventory of my supplies to see if I have anything that can help,” Ilya shouted down, narrating in case Shane could hear. He didn’t want him to think he was alone. He spread out the snacks, water, a small first aid kit, a change of shirt and socks, bug spray, and a flashlight. Ignoring everything else, he grabbed the flashlight before crawling as close to the edge as he could risk. Shining it down to where he had seen the reflector, and there Shane was. Eyes closed with a gash cut across his forehead, trailing blood down his face.
“Fuck!” Ilya spat out. If he were bleeding and unconscious, this made everything so much worse. “I’m not leaving Shane. I’m going to look for another way down to you before I try coming in after, okay. I think I need to head back up the trail. I think I remember a spot not too far back that could be an easier slope down.”
Ilya looked up to the sky as he thumbed over his necklace. A silent plea was made to his Mama to watch over Shane until he could get to him.
“I’m putting everything back in my bag for when I make it to you.” Ilya kept his voice as steady as he could manage, breathing out through gritted teeth, he hurriedly gathered everything and shoved it back into the bag. “Okay, I’m going back up. I’m still here, Shane. Don’t worry. I’ll get you out of this.”
Running through Ilya’s head were all the worst case scenarios. What if Shane broke his legs and couldn’t walk? What if the hit to his head was too severe and he wouldn’t wake up again? What if? What if? What if? “Stop it.” He said to himself, knowing that he had to remain in control if he was going to help Shane.
“Shane, I see a way down.” Ilya all but shouted back towards where Shane had fallen. “I will go slow and be careful even though I do not want to be slow. I usually save that for you, eh?”
Ilya’s hands grasped at the trees lining the slope. It was not as steep as where Shane had fallen, but it wasn’t a low gradient. He didn’t even want to think about having to climb back up the incline he was now descending.
“Alright, I am at bottom. There are more trees down here, so it’s harder to move around. I’ll be there soon. Okay Shane. I’m on my way.” Ilya climbed over fallen trees and squeezed between spaces that were much narrower than they looked until his flashlight caught on Shane. Throwing caution to the wind, Ilya sprinted as best he could the remaining distance that separated them. Once his hands were on Shane, he could assess the injuries.
“Ok, it looks like no obvious broken bones. Good job, Shane. You have some more cuts on your arms and legs, but none are as bad as your forehead, so I’ll start there, okay.” Ilya dropped his backpack and took out the first aid kit.
“You are always right that we should each take our own first aid kits. You can rub it in my face later tonight when we are curled up on the couch. Maybe you will get a sexy scar from this.” Ilya lightly dabbed away the blood, seeing that the wound didn’t look too dirty or deep. He pulled out the antiseptic wipe and paused.
“Okay, this might sting a bit.” His hands made quick work of wiping down Shane’s forehead, but the blood kept coming. “Right, right. Pressure. Just let me get out some gauze and tape.”
Ilya taped down the gauze and pressed Shane’s forehead until the red staining of blood stopped spreading through the white of the bandage. He wasn’t sure how much time had gone by, but the sun had dipped further below the mountains by the time he felt comfortable releasing pressure.
“Alright, Shane. You are all patched up. And, I think it’s time we get out of here.”
Ilya stood and began to carefully pull Shane into a slightly more open area. Finally, at the movement, there were some signs of life, and Shane groaned at the friction it caused.
“Ah, there you are. Shane, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. Just get ready for me, sweetheart. This might not feel the best, but I don’t think anything is broken.” He took off Shane’s backpack, shoving it in his own bag, before putting it back on.
“It is a good thing I am so strong.” Ilya mused before picking Shane up into a fireman’s carry. With Shane draped over his shoulder, he could no longer go back the exact way he got to Shane, but he was not in as much of a rush.
“Mmhmm,” Shane moaned in his ear, thankfully more in discomfort than in pain.
“Yes, yes, I know. Big strong husband is going to get us out of here.” Ten minutes later, Ilya managed to get both of them out of the gap they had just been in. At this point, Shane had started to move around on Ilya’s back, coming to. He carefully set Shane down on the ground, leaning up against a rock, checking him again.
“Shane, are you with me?” Ilya gently rubbed his hands down Shane’s sides, then back up his front and back, double checking for injuries he might have missed earlier. The light had all but faded from the sun. Ilya had never been as thankful for an almost full moon as he was still able to make out the trail heading back towards their car.
“Ilya?” Shane’s eyes were still closed, but his face turned towards where Ilya’s voice had just come from.
“Yes, sweetheart. I am here. Can you open your eyes for me? You had quite a fall.” Shane’s eyes fluttered a few times before he was able to open them.
“My head. It hurts.” Shane brought a hand up to the bandage, pulling back when he felt the covering.
“Yes, Shane. You fell and bumped your head quite a bit. It’s stopped bleeding, so we can head back to the car, then go get it checked out, yes?” Ilya placed a kiss on the top of Shane’s head, sending out a silent thanks to his Mama for taking care of Shane. “Do you think you can stand?”
Shane nodded his head. Ilya’s hands wrapped around Shane’s waist as he pulled him upright.
“Ahhhh!” Shane immediately yelled out in pain as his leg folded underneath him.
“Okay. Okay. Not a problem. Just no walking for you.” Ilya ran a hand through his curls, debating what to do next. “Easy. I will carry you.”
“What? Ilya, you can’t. It’s so far back to the car.” Shane’s face grimaced both from pain and the thought of what carrying him back would do to his husband.
“Is what? Only two miles back to the car? I could do this one handed if I really wanted to, but I am not a show off.” Shane laughed at that.
“You just relax and hold out the flashlight. Keep us going in the right direction. With you as my guiding light, we will make it back quickly.” Ilya reached out again, ready to scoop Shane off the ground and back into his arms as they traversed the winding trail in the dark, making it back to their car, followed by a long evening in the hospital’s emergency room.
----
“He would never leave me behind, and I won’t do that to him.” Shane sank back into his chair.
“Oh Son, it isn’t that we don’t want you to help him, it’s just that it can’t be done. Ilya is like a son to us. You know that. We’ve loved him as one since the day you introduced him to us. It’s just that no one has ever brought anyone back.” David shook his head, trying to shake free the worry that was building.
“And it’s dangerous. No one really goes to those places from here. I don’t know exactly how, but any time anyone talks about those places it’s seriously dangerous.”
“Just because no one has ever done it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. If you two have taught me anything, it’s that I can do whatever I set my mind to. Ilya and I broke records for the league that no one believed we could break. And now I’ll do it again. I’ll do it over and over again for him. Can’t you see that I will stop at nothing for him? He never gave up on me. With or without your help, I’m getting Ilya back.” Tears were spilling from Shane’s eyes as he begged his parents to believe what he was capable of.
He looked up into his mother’s eyes. “I’m asking you for help. I don’t want to have to do this on my own, but I will.”
Yuna stood up from the table, clearing the dishes, gathering herself. She turned around, holding out her hands to David and Shane. “If you’re doing this, then there is someone we know who might be able to help. I don’t know how to help Ilya, but I’ll be damned if I let that stand in your way.”
As soon as their hands joined, Yuna looked deeply into Shane’s eyes. “Thank you for asking us for help. I’m sorry I was resistant at first. I trust you, and I believe in you. More than that, I believe that you can do anything, especially when it’s about you and Ilya. No matter the storm, I know you can make it through together.”